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You Exist Too Much
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On a hot day in Bethlehem, a 12-year-old Palestinian-American girl is yelled at by a group of men outside the Church of the Nativity. She has exposed her legs in a biblical city, an act they deem forbidden, and their judgement will echo on through her adolescence. When our narrator finally admits to her mother that she is queer, her mother’s response only intensifies a sen
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Hypnotically meandering narrative structure. Deeply compelling protagonist. Lovely sentences. Sexy, in it's own way.
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In a word: WOW
So, okay. Book review of YOU EXIST TOO MUCH is up on my blog. It's too long to fit here. Suffice to say that a 30-something bisexual Palestinian-American woman tells me my life in beautiful, painfully honest sentences. I read this book twice and that is (as y'all're aware) an increasingly rare occurrence for me, at my age and with my TBR approaching mid-four figures. The reason I decided that I needed a second trip through the book was simple: I was so completely shattered by the h ...more
So, okay. Book review of YOU EXIST TOO MUCH is up on my blog. It's too long to fit here. Suffice to say that a 30-something bisexual Palestinian-American woman tells me my life in beautiful, painfully honest sentences. I read this book twice and that is (as y'all're aware) an increasingly rare occurrence for me, at my age and with my TBR approaching mid-four figures. The reason I decided that I needed a second trip through the book was simple: I was so completely shattered by the h ...more
Before being sent an arc for this book i remember coming across it and being excited for the lgbt pali representation...
Not even halfway through and this book manages to strike every single way to disrespect sexuality and mental illness,
brimming with stereotypes and unrealistic representations. This is extremely harmful towards bisexuals specifically, making them labeled as "love addicts" going around falling in love with every person they meet and getting "obsessed" with them, jumping from a ...more
Not even halfway through and this book manages to strike every single way to disrespect sexuality and mental illness,
brimming with stereotypes and unrealistic representations. This is extremely harmful towards bisexuals specifically, making them labeled as "love addicts" going around falling in love with every person they meet and getting "obsessed" with them, jumping from a ...more
It’s always frustrating when a blurb promises one thing but the book does not follow thru. You Exist intrigued me because it was seemingly a story of culture clash, a young American of Palestinian descent who struggles between the expectations of her Arab heritage and her quest to come into her own, an out and proud bisexual woman.
Unfortunately, 80% of the book does nothing of the sort. The novel is told in first person present tense and reads like a journal that mostly details the mc’s college ...more
Unfortunately, 80% of the book does nothing of the sort. The novel is told in first person present tense and reads like a journal that mostly details the mc’s college ...more
The background of the novel is a woman born to Palestinian parents, who were forced to relocate in 1967. They have family in Lebanon, West Bank, and Jordan, but live in America. Her parents had a volatile relationship and her mother has often treated her like competition or an inconvenience, telling her "You exist too much" when she responds emotionally, especially when she starts trying to come out to her. The refusal to understand her daughter as anything but straight is one backbone to the no
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4 ½ stars (rounded up)
Although I'd intended to read You Exist Too Much I nearly didn't after reading a really negative review for it, one that was very critical of Zaina Arafat's depiction of bisexuality. Luckily, my mother read this first and recommended it to me. While I believe that the gender and sexual orientation of a reviewer should not bias their opi ...more
“It is a bizarre and unsettling feeling, to exist in a liminal state between two realms, unable to attain full access to one or the other.”
Although I'd intended to read You Exist Too Much I nearly didn't after reading a really negative review for it, one that was very critical of Zaina Arafat's depiction of bisexuality. Luckily, my mother read this first and recommended it to me. While I believe that the gender and sexual orientation of a reviewer should not bias their opi ...more
"You exist too much." These are the words of a mother to our unnamed narrator. It is ironic that she would choose these words to berate her child considering that her character comes off too full of her own self and her own existence. She really sees everything as it pertains to her and how it would affect her. There is no compassion or empathy there. Not especially for her daughter. Instead, she blames the narrator for her sacrifice. The life she would have had had she not fallen for her father
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There is a gentle sweetness to this story that surprised me given the subject matter. The novel doesn't demand too much of the reader. The language is a little high-school-essayish, and in places sounds so rhetorically flat that it gives the effect of being narrated by a non-native speaker, someone who learned the language in a classroom. Maybe this is the intended effect.
For example, here are a couple of randomly chosen short paragraphs--
1) "A week had passed since the restaurant incident. Any ...more
For example, here are a couple of randomly chosen short paragraphs--
1) "A week had passed since the restaurant incident. Any ...more
i sincerely DON'T RECOMMEND this book and actually REALLY REALLY SUGGEST YOU DON'T PICK THIS UP.
you will gain, genuinely, nothing from reading this book.
there is no plot. there is just tonnes of love interests who come and go, a unnecessarily harsh commentary on eating disorders (topics like that need a LOT more attention and not be shoved in there and talked about so aggressively and carelessly)
i don't think i care enough about this book to hate it. but
i have a strong dislike towards this boo ...more
you will gain, genuinely, nothing from reading this book.
there is no plot. there is just tonnes of love interests who come and go, a unnecessarily harsh commentary on eating disorders (topics like that need a LOT more attention and not be shoved in there and talked about so aggressively and carelessly)
i don't think i care enough about this book to hate it. but
i have a strong dislike towards this boo ...more
First off, I have to say this was one of my most anticipated reads of the year. If you’ve been following me for awhile you know I love Middle Eastern lit and obviously as a queer woman who has been begging and pleading for more queer women’s stories finding this one was amazing. I’ve been telling people about it and recommending it for so many months. And as a Jewish woman who reads more Israeli lit than most, I’ve been making the effort to read more Palestinian authors. There are some scenes th
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shockingly beautiful.
I can't help but feel, as a queer (bi/pansexual) Palestinian myself, that this is a book I (and so many in my community, I suspect) have needed for a long, long time. While Arafat's narrator does a good job at making the Palestinian aspects of this narrative accessible to those outside of our community, it never detracts from the novel or comes off as over-explanatory; this is a book for us, yes, though others are not excluded from the convo. Here is a representation of diasporic queerness, trau
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YOU EXIST TOO MUCH is a novel following an unnamed narrator back and forth through time, across the United States and the Middle East. Our narrator is a Palestinian American queer woman grappling with a “love addiction,” a complex relationship with her mother, and countless destructive relationships. The novel follows her as she goes into treatment for love addiction. I can see her being an unlikeable character for sure, but I was helplessly rooting for her to face her demons, set boundaries wit
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For fans of Garth Greenwell and Weike Wang, You Exist Too Much is a startling debut novel of desire and doubleness following the life of a young Palestinian American woman caught between cultural, religious, and sexual identities.
May 08, 2020
Nenia ✨️ I yeet my books back and forth ✨️ Campbell
marked it as to-read
This sounds both heartbreaking and seriously amazing
July's selection is You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat!
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In You Exist Too Much, Zaina Arafat takes us on the immersive journey of one Palestinian-American queer girl's search for love, identity, and ultimately, her mother's approval. I watched with anxiety as this imperfect--at times self-sabotaging--main character fought through her "love addiction." I rooted for her and hurt for her as she tried to find her way through one bad decision after another. The main character, whose name is never reve ...more
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In You Exist Too Much, Zaina Arafat takes us on the immersive journey of one Palestinian-American queer girl's search for love, identity, and ultimately, her mother's approval. I watched with anxiety as this imperfect--at times self-sabotaging--main character fought through her "love addiction." I rooted for her and hurt for her as she tried to find her way through one bad decision after another. The main character, whose name is never reve ...more
On a hot day in Bethlehem, a 12-year-old Palestinian-American girl is yelled at by a group of men outside the Church of the Nativity. She has exposed her legs in a biblical city, an act they deem forbidden, and their judgement will echo on through her adolescence. When our narrator finally admits to her mother that she is queer, her mother’s response only intensifies a sense of shame: “You exist too much,” she tells her daughter. Told in vignettes that flash between the U.S. and the Middle East―
...more
Thanks to Catapult for the free advance copy of this book.
YOU EXIST TOO MUCH's unnamed narrator struggles with a lifetime of self-destructive relationships, beginning with her abusive mother. After yet another relationship implodes, she checks into an alternative therapy retreat to seek treatment for what's been labeled her "love addiction."
I have rather mixed feelings about this book. On the one hand, it's quite readable - I found myself drawn in to the story even when I wasn't sure I liked t ...more
YOU EXIST TOO MUCH's unnamed narrator struggles with a lifetime of self-destructive relationships, beginning with her abusive mother. After yet another relationship implodes, she checks into an alternative therapy retreat to seek treatment for what's been labeled her "love addiction."
I have rather mixed feelings about this book. On the one hand, it's quite readable - I found myself drawn in to the story even when I wasn't sure I liked t ...more
Thank you to NetGalley and Catapult for this ARC, out now!
Though it took me a little while to make my way through this book, I really really enjoyed it. Our unnamed protagonist is a queer woman who is not sure of who she is, what she wants, or where to call home, and I connected with her on a ...more
"I know that by letting her in when I'm in need, I tie myself to her again, this gaping vulnerability nothing less than the rope." / "In receiving love from others, it will always be hers I crave most."
Though it took me a little while to make my way through this book, I really really enjoyed it. Our unnamed protagonist is a queer woman who is not sure of who she is, what she wants, or where to call home, and I connected with her on a ...more
Based on the description of this book I was expecting something much different, and I think that’s where my trouble began. The blurb read as a coming of age, culture clash novel in which the main character finds herself along the way. What I read felt more shallow and dramatic then I had expected.
The unnamed narrator, in what I read as an effort to make up for her treacherous relationship with her mother, is obsessed with attention and approval from women. We follow her series of romantic encou ...more
The unnamed narrator, in what I read as an effort to make up for her treacherous relationship with her mother, is obsessed with attention and approval from women. We follow her series of romantic encou ...more
This is an interesting novel in that I did NOT like the main character yet could not stop reading. She is a train wreck and self-sabotaging young woman who is struggling to define herself, to find herself in the world.
Author Zaina Arafat tells the story of a Palestinian woman who is struggling to find her identity as a Palestinian born woman, living most of her life in America. Arafat’s chapters are more like vignettes told in narrative form of a rudderless un-named narrator. The chapters skip I ...more
Author Zaina Arafat tells the story of a Palestinian woman who is struggling to find her identity as a Palestinian born woman, living most of her life in America. Arafat’s chapters are more like vignettes told in narrative form of a rudderless un-named narrator. The chapters skip I ...more
There is a lot going on in this book. The unnamed narrator is Palestinian-American and she spends her summers with family in Amman, Jordan and in Nablus, on the West Bank. Her parents are immigrants, her mother is unpredictable and possibly mentally ill. She's bisexual and struggles with various self-destructive behaviors. She's not good at relationships, but needs to be in one. As I said, it's a lot for a single novel and it seems to be part of a slow change in publishing where characters can b
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This sounded really intriguing. Plus it checked so many of the boxes. For one thing, great for international reading, first experience with a Palestinian author, the book is set mostly in US (where the author is now based) with prolonged visits to the Middle East. Plus the protagonist is queer, bisexual to be specific, which creates for all sorts of cultural stereotype clashes. So anyway, there were certain expectations going in and at fist the book absolutely delivered. And then, as it went on,
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You Exist Too Much Doesn't Do Enough
Zaina Arafat’s debut novel You Exist Too Much reads more like a personal memoir recounted by (if I’m not mistaken) an unnamed first-person narrator whose namelessness suggests we already know her. This novel offers an unrepresented voice in literature in the story of a Palestinian-American queer woman who presumably struggles to accept her own dichotomous identities and carry on successful romantic relationships due to unresolved tension with her mother. The p ...more
Zaina Arafat’s debut novel You Exist Too Much reads more like a personal memoir recounted by (if I’m not mistaken) an unnamed first-person narrator whose namelessness suggests we already know her. This novel offers an unrepresented voice in literature in the story of a Palestinian-American queer woman who presumably struggles to accept her own dichotomous identities and carry on successful romantic relationships due to unresolved tension with her mother. The p ...more
Sometimes I read a book and I rush to write a review, other times I have to let the story sink in before I feel ready to write down my thoughts. You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat was one of the latter, and I have found myself thinking about it more after finishing than I did while reading. This book reads more like a memoir than a novel, content, style, and structure wise, and personally I became more invested once I decided to read it as a memoir rather than a novel.
The book follows the though ...more
The book follows the though ...more
This really really hurt.
Highlighted great big passages throughout. My heart hurts in the best way and never have I felt more understood as a Palestinian.
It’s interesting to read reviews calling the mother a narcissist. I see that as another cultural conflict: In the ME, domestic life is a matriarchal domain, societal life is patriarchal. So even inherently within the culture mothers are basically relegated to being society’s middle managers, wielding what limited powers and freedoms they have over their children. They ...more
It’s interesting to read reviews calling the mother a narcissist. I see that as another cultural conflict: In the ME, domestic life is a matriarchal domain, societal life is patriarchal. So even inherently within the culture mothers are basically relegated to being society’s middle managers, wielding what limited powers and freedoms they have over their children. They ...more
Told in nonlinear vignettes, this plotless book is a deeply immersive character examination. Our unnamed narrator is navigating her identity and the only plot per se is a reflective spell around her treatment in a new-age clinic for “love addiction”—it’s full of sensual scenes and moments in which she grows into a confidence with her sexual identity, geographic and cultural tensions that leave her feeling pulled in different directions, and her grappling with a lifelong struggle for maternal app
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“I burst out the door and spotted her in the distance ahead. I tried to catch up. “Mama, please,” I cried. “I’m sorry. I won’t. I’m not! I promise I’ll stop!” By the time I caught up to her, I could see a tear streaming down her cheek. I could think of nothing more shameful — why was I doing this to her? At the time I thought the same thing: she should’ve had better. She didn’t deserve this at all.”
YOU EXIST TOO MUCH is a title that has stuck with me, weeks after setting it down. It centers an u ...more
YOU EXIST TOO MUCH is a title that has stuck with me, weeks after setting it down. It centers an u ...more
This book started out really strong for me...and then started to become very repetitive and frustrating. I understand that this book is largely about addiction (love addiction and obsession), and I understand the redundancy and cyclic nature of addiction. I think that the author made an intentional choice to demonstrate how addiction continues in this constant toxic cycle, until the addict can really reckon with themselves and find healing. That aside, the narrative became exhausting and difficu
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