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How to Forget: A Daughter's Memoir
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How to Forget: A Daughter's Memoir

4.08  ·  Rating details ·  376 ratings  ·  82 reviews
In this profoundly honest and examined memoir about returning to Iowa to care for her ailing parents, the star of Orange Is the New Black and bestselling author of Born with Teeth takes us on an unexpected journey of loss, betrayal, and the transcendent nature of a daughter’s love for her parents.

They say you can’t go home again. But when her father is diagnosed with aggr
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Hardcover, 352 pages
Published May 21st 2019 by William Morrow
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4.08  · 
Rating details
 ·  376 ratings  ·  82 reviews


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Jenny (Reading Envy)
I didn't read Kate Mulgrew's earlier memoir (Born with Teeth) but this is really much more about her parents, particularly the ends of their lives and how she and her siblings were present for those long and painful periods of deterioration and change.

Mulgrew is perceptive but really only talks about herself in relation to everyone else.. maybe that's life in a giant family. It's a nice comparison of stoic Midwesterners and their New York City actress daughter.

I had a copy from William Morrow
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Char
Jun 11, 2019 rated it really liked it
Narrated by the author, HOW TO FORGET: A DAUGHTER'S MEMOIR is an incredibly intimate and detailed account of how Kate Mulgrew and her family cared and provided for their sick parents.

In brief, her father had an aggressive form of lung cancer that spread throughout his body and her mother had Alzheimer's disease. I felt like I had to read this book as my dad also died from an aggressive form of lung cancer, and my mom is battling Alzheimer's disease right now.

I read Mulgrew's previous memoir BO
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Marina Kravchuk
Mar 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing
After reading “Born With Teeth”, Kate Mulgrew’s first book and a gem of a memoir, I could not wait to hear that a second one would be coming.
“How to Forget” is a tremendous book! Not unlike the first memoir, I have swallowed it in a matter of hours, and then found myself needing several days to be able to articulate a more fitting opinion on it than simply “heart-rending”.
This memoir is first and foremost about the lives and deaths of Kate’s parents, and about how her relationship with either on
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Bookgyrl
Jan 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: arc, memoir
I hardly ever read memoirs or biographies, but sometimes they catch my eye. In this case it is the second book by Kate Mulgrew (an actress most will recognize as Captain Kathryn Janeway in Star Trek Voyager, or more recent in the series 'Orange is the new black'). A few years back she wrote 'Born with teeth', which was quite entertaining. She is a good and engaging author.

Again this is a memoir, but not so much about Kate herself, but about the relationship with her parents. She takes us on a v
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Stuart
May 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is a fantastic memoir. Gorgeously written and incredibly intimate, Kate Mulgrew details the last few months of her parents’ lives, as her father battled cancer and her mother Alzheimer’s. Interspersed throughout those present-day memories are stories of her parents from when she was a child, and when they themselves were young: how they met, and grew together, and how she and her siblings’ relationships with them, like all of us, were at once loving and conflicted. This memoir is heartfelt, ...more
Jill Meyer
May 24, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Kate Mulgrew is an actor. She has acted on stage, in the movies, and on television. She may be best known as "Admiral Kathryn Janeway" on the TV show "Star Trek: Voyager" in the late 1990's and currently she's in the cast of "Orange is the New Black". She is one of those actors who always seems to have a part in something, she's always working. But as with any actor, what you see on the stage or the screen is only a piece of the real person. Her excellent first memoir, "Born With Teeth", publish ...more
Kazzie Athena
May 23, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: books-i-own
I have read Kate Mulgrew's premiere memoir, "Born With Teeth" roughly five times and I had recently read it in April. When 'How To Forget' was announced and that it was about Mulgrew's relationship with her parents, I was instantly intrigued. I have been following Mulgrew's career for close to twenty years and I have heard a myriad of stories about her parents, her upbringing, her siblings and her mother's battle with Alzheimer's Disease. Where 'Born With Teeth' barely touched about that disease ...more
Kevin
May 21, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Actress Kate Mulgrew (Star Trek Voyager, Orange Is the New Black) follows up her candid and thoughtful 2015 memoir, BORN WITH TEETH, with an equally forthright and emotionally raw tale of caring for her parents at the end of their lives.

When her father is diagnosed with stage-four cancer that has spread from his lungs to brain stem, liver and kidneys, Mulgrew's return visit to her home state of Iowa is extended indefinitely. Six years earlier, her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease an
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Sandy
May 18, 2019 marked it as to-read
A book about Iowa- a definite read.
Ivana
Apr 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Kate Mulgrew kicks it out of the park yet again with her second book “How To Forget”. Poignant, wonderfully written, hardly an easy read but she still manages to suck you right into the story.

It will captivate you, it will break your heart if you’ve ever been in a position of fighting a battle close to home, it most certainly won’t disappoint. No spoilers, pick up the book and read it.
Jo Marjoribanks
Jun 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing
‘How to Forget’ delves into every aspect of life and its inevitable end with unflinching frankness and honesty: the beauty and the ugliness; the clarity and the confusion; the joy and the sadness. All told through Kate’s mastery of the English language and decades of experience in conveying complex and elusive emotions to her audience.

Losing a parent is like watching the door through which you entered the world swing shut forever. Chances are you didn’t get everything you needed from the other
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Jarrah
Jun 03, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: memoir, woman-author
In How to Forget, Kate Mulgrew plumbs the depths of her parents' lives as she processes their declines and deaths. As someone who lost a parent almost two years ago I was struck by Mulgrew's courage and candor. She lays bare her own hopes and fears and revelations, as well as those of her siblings. She also shares complex family secrets with incredible empathy. Mulgrew seems to have an incredible memory for detail, which she uses to sketch out each scene and its characters to help us envision th ...more
Kelly 💜☕️
Another great celebrity memoir by Kate Mulgrew! I really enjoyed her first book. This one gets more into her family history with stories of her parents and siblings.

Thanks to San Diego County Library for the digital audio version via Libby app.

[Audio: 12 hours, 6 minutes]
Elaine Hott
May 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I read 'Born With Teeth' and looked forward to 'How to Forget' when she announced it. Both memoirs are incredibly well written. Ms Mulgrew has a love of the English language that is astounding, I was glad my EReader has a dictionary.

I work with Seniors, many of whom suffer from Dementia and the Dementia Umbrella. The opportunity to read about a family that dealt with this and get an insite to their thinking was unique. Ms Mulgrew and her siblings dealt with many emotions and conflicts. She tell
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Rosie O'Donnell
Jun 02, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I just can't get over how touching and relevant this beautifully written book is. buy it - read it - you will be profoundly moved.
Cynthia
Mar 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I loved this book!!
Mary De
Jun 18, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Beautifully written account of the author's experience caring for dying parents as the second oldest sibling of 6 brothers and sisters. Reads like a poignant novel with great insight into the dynamic of her large Irish Catholic family. Ms. Mulgrew puts into words the feelings of every child who has had to witness their elderly parents decline and make difficult decisions for them.
Kate Mulgrew became famous overnight in the 70s for her role as Mary Ryan in the soap opera "Ryan's Hope" and I've be
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Rachel Watkins
In HOW TO FORGET, Kate Mulgrew shares the life stories of her mother and father. Their marriage resulted in a houseful of Irish Catholic children and a fair amount of heartache. Mulgrew's parents shaped and influenced her life, and her adoration shines through in this memoir.
Jana
Jun 06, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Thoughtful, engaging, and passionate, this memoir is a masterpiece. The author explores the intricacies of grief and loss on a deeply complex yet unapologetically human level. And as an audiobook, narrated by the author herself, it is nothing short of phenomenal.
Tobeylynn
Jun 19, 2019 rated it really liked it
Beautifully written memoir of her father’s and mother’s lives, losses, and deaths.
Keri Bender
Jun 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Very well written story

To anyone that has lost a parent - it is a very honest look at the experience. I appreciated the voice.
Evie
Jun 10, 2019 rated it really liked it
Very well written but very sad.
Sharon Watkins
Jun 02, 2019 rated it liked it
Overall, disappointing. The book is divided into two parts. The first addresses the final illness of her father. I found the narrative skeletal and woefully overwritten. The second, somewhat longer, section about the slow disappearance of her mother into Alzheimers disease more compelling and considerably more fleshed out. The second part, too, though, could have benefited from more robust editing.
Kim McGee
Mar 21, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Kate is doing a one-woman Broadway show when she gets the call from her brother - come now, dad is sick. She drops everything and takes charge of his care and deals with her mother's advancing slip into Alzheimer's. Her journey then takes us from her grandparent's story to her parent's to her own but more importantly, it is a love letter to her parents and a goodbye. She craves the blessing of her gruff father and because she is not one of his sons, has to fight for his respect and approval. Her ...more
Seema Sandeep Tiwari
May 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing
340 pages in 7 hours - 2 sittings - 1 day

That’s how long it took me to complete a beautiful journey traversing through intriguing family dynamics, interesting anecdotes, unforgettable moments, treasured memories - beautifully woven and lyrically penned by the actor and author par excellence, Kate Mulgrew.

The brutally honest recollection of every episode down to its minutest details, the conversations - from fleeting to philosophical, and the emotions - from funny to heartbreaking to heartwarming
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Kasa Cotugno
My review of Mulgrew's first memoir ended with the wish that she had not ended it 13 years prior to publication since there was still so much to learn about her. At that time, she said she'd had to wait until the deaths of both parents before writing her history, and this book is an explanation almost an apologia, since it is her parents' stories, and hers only as it relates to them and to her seven siblings.

The Mulgrews of Dubuque were a rambunctious but well regarded family, not civic leaders,
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Kay Hudson
Jul 06, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
Kate Mulgrew’s second book, How To Forget: A Daughter’s Memoir, is quite a different tale from her earlier Born With Teeth. The former covered her acting career, up to the early years of Star Trek: Voyager. I am a fan of both her acting and her writing.

How To Forget has very little to do with Mulgrew’s life in the theater and everything to do with the deaths of her parents and her relationships with her five surviving siblings.The whole family was heavily influenced by the childhood deaths of tw
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Mary Sisney
Jun 14, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I enjoyed Mulgrew's first memoir, which focused more on her career and love life, but this second one, which focuses on the effects of the loss of her father through death and her mother through dementia on her and her siblings, is even more interesting. Because I lost my father to alcoholism and probably World War II PTSD when I was twelve (1961), long before he died of throat cancer in 1998, and because my mother, who is still alive at 91, has suffered from mild dementia for several years, I f ...more
Megargee
Jul 19, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Noted TV and stage actress Kate Mulgrew, the second eldest of eight children, explores the marriage and deaths of her Iowa parents. Her mother, suffering from atypical Alzheimer's dies cognitively long before her physical death. Her father detaches himself from her long before, drinking his whisky, smoking his cigars and doing his crosswords while Kate, her siblings, and her devoted Mexican governess care for his wife. Eight years on, he is diagnosed with metastatic cancer, declines treatment, ...more
Marzie
Jun 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: arc-edelweiss
Kate Mulgrew's poignant and searing memoir of her parents final years captures a journey most of us will make as adult children. Her account of her stoic, alcoholic father's death from brain cancer, and her mother's death from Alzheimer's disease offer in full details what it's like for families going through these trials of love, in particular when siblings don't quite all feel the same way. Some moments, like that of her father's mistress helping her mother with Mulgrew's dying sister Tessie r ...more
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Mt. Lebanon Publi...: How to Forget by Kate Mulgrew 1 1 Jun 11, 2019 04:54PM  
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Kate Mulgrew is an American actress noted for her roles as Captain Kathryn Janeway on Star Trek: Voyager, Mary Ryan on Ryan's Hope, and, most recently, Galina "Red" Reznikov on Orange Is the New Black. She has performed in numerous television shows, theater productions, and movies. She is the winner of a Golden Satellite Award, a Saturn Award, and an Obie Award and has been nominated for a Golden ...more