(lowered my rating from 2.5 to 2).
i have a lot of thoughts, i am a little scared of sharing some because they will sound very harsh but i really feel like getting them out of my system so, i'll take criticism. just know that my opinions are not fixed, and i am very open to discussion. alrighty now that i got this out of the way, let's actually review the book.
I want to start by saying, what Brittani went through is terrible. i have so much empathy for her and her family, and i hope this experience could be one where she learns and prosper from despite how hard it was. however, being someone who did not know Brittani before reading this book, she made it really hard for me to like her.
why? well, let's start with some basic stuff that were passively mentioned by her throughout the book. her views on sex shocked me, while it's up to her to decided wether she wants to have sex or not it was very hard for me to find out that she wanted to wait till marriage, i question where that belief stemmed for as to me, it feels very oppressing. especially the way she said it, it really didn't help her case.
another questionable mention of sex is when her ex and herself didn't use protection and she brushed it off because he told her that he can pull out and all is good, and she trusted that because he's a "doctor"... like i don't know HOW that made sense, but the lack of responsibility towards her body was disappointing, especially since she was so keen on waiting till marriage for sex. you'd think that minimal sex ed awareness would be there, it's your responsibility as a women to know these things just as much it is for the man. this is not about her trusting him (which even that i don't understand because he sounded very shady from the beginning), it's about her not having awareness for herself.
the way she spoke about sex was very childish, not even teenagers would speak about sex like this. her views are backward, and so very disappointing. she blabbered about losing her virginity to him, which don't get me wrong no matter what your age is, it's vulnerable. but to shame him for watching porn... like listen... i sincerely don't know if this is just me but EVERYONE watches porn, it's normal. it's so normal to masturbate too, regardless if you're in a relationship or not. i get that some people are sensitive about this but she made me feel like she's degrading porn, which like there are sex workers in the world and i felt like some of the things she said about porn could be offensive and i didn't appreciate it at all.
she spoke of abortion like it was a sin... well, not exactly but she sure made it sound like her putting it as an option was a sin. i don't know, her tone was just off. i completely understand if abortion is not something she wanted to do, but i felt like it was important for her to mention that it IS an option, and one that is valid and one that you shouldn't be demonized for, not even by yourself.
gender roles are wack, but Brittani really thought it's okay to justify somethings by using them... like WHYYY. i HATE it when gender roles are normalized, they were so passively mentioned (same as everything) which made it more infuriating that she's very unaware of these things. this book was published in 2018, so just educate yourself it really doesn't take much.
and finally, Brittani sounded like a very sheltered human. i don't know HOW but damn, this really made it hard for me to care for her. the writing was childish, with many chapters unnecessary but even that didn't bother me as much as her character did. i wished she had provided the reader with something they can take from this, but even at the very end i felt like she didn't. i just believe that everyone has a responsibility that they have to be held to, and i don't think Brittani knows what hers is... still... even after everything horrible that happened to her...
so kids, be informed. don't trust weird men easily, and use protection. if you ever find yourself in an abusive relationship, don't be afraid to seek help. someone WILL be there for you.