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How to Hold a Grudge: From Resentment to Contentment—The Power of Grudges to Transform Your Life
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How to Hold a Grudge: From Resentment to Contentment—The Power of Grudges to Transform Your Life

3.34  ·  Rating details ·  505 ratings  ·  138 reviews
The first and only comprehensive examination of the universal but widely misunderstood practice of grudge-holding that will show you how to use grudges to be your happiest, most optimistic, and most forgiving self. Shouldn’t we just forgive and move on? Wrong, says self-appointed grudge guru Sophie Hannah, in her groundbreaking and irreverent self-help guide. Yes, it’s ess ...more
Hardcover, 272 pages
Published January 1st 2019 by Scribner
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Matt There is an Audible book and a Kindle book. They do not whispersync for a Kindle Audible combo like some others.

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 ·  505 ratings  ·  138 reviews

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Oct 10, 2018 rated it liked it
On almost a whim Sophie Hannah decides to write a book on grudges, a topic she discovers no-one else has ever written about. Holding grudges is a universal psychological phenomena and although Hannah has no mental health background or experience, she feels comfortable tackling the topic, with the help of two mental health practitioners looking over her work. She takes issue with the definition of a grudge, identifies different types and themes of grudges, and when to let go of a grudge. She make ...more
“Holding grudges doesn't have to fill us with hate or make us bitter and miserable. If you approach the practice of grudge-holding in an enlightened way, you'll find it does the opposite: it makes you more forgiving. Your grudges can help you honor your personal emotional landmarks, and you can distill vital life lessons from them – about your value system, hopes, needs and priorities – that will act as a series of stepping stones pointing you in the right direction for the best possible
Mar 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I so wish I would have won the giveaway for this book as I loved it so much, I would have liked this to have become a part of my library.

As the queen of grudge holding ( some go all the way back to the 1960s !! My rotten kindergarten teacher refused to let me take home my clay ashtray because she hated the fact that I knew how to read and often read to the other children - guess she felt threatened. Who knows ? ) I just HAD to get this book.

The author's take on grudges is unlike the standard def
Dec 18, 2018 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I truly wonder why Sophie Hannah wrote this book. Successful in her other offerings, she does not have the qualifications, credentials or training to write a book based on psychology; and it cannot be touted as a self-help book when her aim seems to be talking about herself. There may not be any current books about grudges, but is there really a need for one? Does the world need more people holding tight to every real or imagined slight?

That is what this book recommends. Don't only hold on to yo
Oct 11, 2018 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I am a great fan of Sophie Hannah's psychological thrillers, so this departure from her normal fictional output is quite a surprise - and something of an eye-opener, too.

I suppose we would all like to believe we are too magnanimous to hold a grudge for long:- "forgive and forget” is the noble attitude to take – but only saints are truly capable of this, so where does that leave the rest of us lesser mortals?

Sophie’s lighthearted treatise does not advocate seeking vengeance, but explains why ther
Jan 05, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: giveaways
I won this as a giveaway. It’s a fun lighthearted book with a good message. Grudges can be good, positive impacts in our lives if we can treat them that way. The two issues I had with this book was 1) it wasn’t academic or scientific. Which is fine for this type of book. The second was the types of grudges she gave examples of. They really weren’t big, huge, nasty grudges. Some weren’t really grudges. Some were more I was mildly unconvinced. I think right of the bat she should have a big grudge ...more
Sarah Connor
Oct 15, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I picked this up on a whim because the title was so very intriguing. It sounded like the antithesis of most of the self help books that are out there. Why would anyone want to hold a grudge? Nasty, small minded, grubby things...! I finished it thinking I neede to buy a copy for just about every teenage girl I know.

This is not a book about holding onto pain or anger or ugliness. It's a book about using those things to grow as an individual, and to learn how to protect yourself from painful exper
Dec 21, 2018 rated it did not like it
Shelves: first-reads
I received How to Hold a Grudge for free through Goodreads' Giveaways program. I had never read anything by Sophie Hannah and am not familiar with her work at all.

I could see that this was supposed to be a charming, self-help book in the guise of not being overly self-help-y (for lack of a better word). But I couldn't get in to it and gave up after skimming a few chapters. If a psychiatrist or psychologist had written the book, I think I would have reacted differently-- in part because I would t
Deb Jones
Feb 06, 2019 rated it liked it
It felt like the author got a lot off her chest in writing this book and hoped to help readers do the same in theirs. It didn't work as a cathartic for me, but may be just the thing for others. ...more
Nov 11, 2018 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
It seems to me that, maybe during a period of writer's block, the author sat doodling for a while and came up with this. I think it must be aimed at the Young Adult market, because as am Adult Adult I find the tone immature, silly and patronising.

She makes the argument that grudges can actually be positive experiences, identifying different types of grudges, when – indeed, if - to let go of a grudge. In fact she takes issue with the very definition of a grudge. Apparently a couple of professiona
Jan 23, 2019 rated it it was ok
What a strange little book-that-should-have-been-a-magazine-article. I think I picked it up because I saw an interesting review (somewhere? Not on Amazon) and also because epic and permanent grudge-holding is one of my few talents. But this was a very strange book not worth the time to read, that required lots of skimming.

At first, I thought it was a comical book written in the guise of a self-help book. I mean, who would really want a self-help book about how to hold a grudge? Either you alread
Kris Springer
Jan 12, 2019 rated it really liked it
Boy was this a fun book. Really funny, insightful and inspiring about grudges. Helps the reader to think about what is most important in her life and stand up for that, and in so doing, protecting one’s self. A 4.5 out of 5 stars. This would be a great book club book.
Jan 21, 2019 added it
Interesting! Funny!
Some useful advice.
Jo-Ann Duff (Duffy The Writer)
How To Hold A Grudge had me intrigued the moment I saw it. The bright yellow cover, the shiny green foil spine and the title. It was a triple threat.  But, could this book really teach me something, or is it a bit of a 'fad' self-care read with a few jokes along the way.

Unfortunately, it was the latter for me, which is sad because I had such high hopes. You see, I can burn with resentment in a heartbeat if I feel excluded or a cutting comment is flung in my direction without warning. If people t
Jan 27, 2019 rated it it was ok
Everything you ever wanted to know about grudges, including why they can be useful ie. reminds you of behavior from which you want to stay away…. But do you really want to know all that much about grudges?
Jerrid Kruse
Feb 01, 2019 rated it did not like it
I was hopeful when the book noted that no one had written a book about grudges and that the author intended explore this psychological phenomenon. Unfortunately, explore seems to mean tell stories about stuff that happened to you and draw broad generalizations from an N of 1 and informal discussions with your partner. Some of the stories were entertaining, but the advice, conclusions drawn, and the “instrument” were not very (at all) scientific. I suppose this is how personality types got starte ...more
Sara Vickers
Mar 15, 2019 rated it really liked it
Great book! I am one to hold grudges, which she explains the reasoning behind why we hold grudges, and how we can be proud to say it! We also should process them and keep them in a grudge cabinet, which is ultimately for protection from future potential grudges. I thought for someone who isn't a psychologist, you need to take her opinion on this topic with a grain of salt. I liked some of the example grudges she used, but by the end, I was skipping over most of them and focused on the chapters t ...more
Susan Cain
Feb 05, 2019 rated it it was ok
I have not read this book authored by Sophie Hannah,so 2 stars for her time spent. Based on the title which I'll sum up,in my own words..."Holding a Grudge Against a Person,Who has NO Idea Why or Even IF You are Giving Them the Silent Treatment Based on Something They Unknowingly Did" I Have NO PLANS on Ever Reading it!!!
Are YOU Kidding Me? This book should have been titled...."Holding a Grudge...One of Many Things that is Wrong With This World"
Mar 07, 2019 rated it really liked it
Funny book- helps you classify, categorize and rate your grudges. The author provides tools to help process complex ones also. I liked it just for having a process to use to reflect on my own and my personal severity. Some of the stories are actually good grudge worthy stories. kudos to the author for turning something negative into something positive and having frameworks to readers to takeaway.
Feb 02, 2019 rated it it was ok
As a professional grudge holder, I was excited to read this. However, I ended up feeling like I was duped into reading a book about the author’s personal grudges and why she felt justified in having them. There are good parts, but overall the book felt disorganized (lots of references to other chapters which got confusing) and the end was literally just a list of grudges. Probably enough for a good long essay but stretched into book form.

I received an ARC from the publisher through Net Galley in
Jan 31, 2019 rated it did not like it
I think I am going to let this book go unfinished. I picked it up thinking it would be funny. While it is light in tone, I feel as though the author has taken a word with an agreed upon definition (she include four dictionary definitions in the text) and decided to commandeer it to mean something else. Near as I can tell, her book could be titled "How to hold onto Life Lessons - From Resentment to Contentment - the Power of Life Lessons to Transform Your Life". Maybe if I read on I would come to ...more
Feb 12, 2019 rated it really liked it
This book was awesome. I love my grudges!
Dec 20, 2018 rated it really liked it
I have always loved Sophie Hannah's novels, loving the way they make me think all the way to the end instead of knowing by the second chapter who did what and how it will all come out. Nope, you usually wait until almost the last page so it is very satisfying to me to work to figure it out.

When I requested How to Hold a Grudge, I saw her name and requested it, not realizing (or caring) that it was not a novel. This is a very entertaining and informative book on the whole theory and nurturing of
Jan 23, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I picked this book on a whim. I am so glad I did. Hannah makes some great arguments for the benefits of acknowledging that grudges are not always the wrong thing to have, it is how we handle them that matters. There is much we can learn from having them as often they serve to protect us. She also points out that we can be the subject of other people's grudges, something we should all keep in mind. There is a great deal to think about pertaining to grudges so I can see where referring back to thi ...more
Feb 22, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
I'm a grudge keeper from way back so this book spoke to me.

It all makes sense - not in the way that you think though, these are not hate filled grudges with silence and death stares. These grudges are lessons learned and fool-me-once type things. a "good" grudge is one that teaches you something and reminds you to not let yourself be treated badly again or at the very least, remind you that that is the likely outcome of continued interaction with the grudgee (grudger?). A good grudge allows you
Oct 29, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: arc
Worth reading through to the end if only for the writer's personal and collected accounts of grudgeworthy events that validate the readers' own. I like that the writer sought additional feedback from multiple experts on the matter.

I received a free digital copy of the book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Terri Layton
Jan 07, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I LOVE this book!! It felt great to know that I'm not crazy for feeling the way I do about certain situations. It's very insightful into why we react to certain situations in our lives. This book really validated my own experiences with people in my life. I recommend this book. It's entertaining and insightful! ...more
Melinda Spoelstra
Jan 22, 2019 rated it really liked it
Loved this book. I personally don't care that she's not a licensed therapist as I feel degrees can be over rated at times. She definitely has an interesting take on holding grudges. Not all her ideas are beneficial in my opinion but she shed great light on tackling them and working through them in a very positive manner. Really enjoyed this book. ...more
Aug 24, 2020 rated it really liked it
"We all have negative, unworthy, dishonorable and destructive feelings and thoughts. We all feel anger and pain, and we gain nothing, and cause further problems, by trying to gloss over or sugarcoat the negative impulses within us." (page 230)

Sophie Hannah argues that grudges are good for us. Well, not all grudges - just grudges we have processed, examined, deemed worthy of keeping, and placed into our 'grudge cabinets.' A part of me couldn't figure out in the first few chapters if this was a to
Dec 11, 2019 rated it really liked it
This was the first "self-help" book I've read that actually helped me. I wasn't even aware of how many wonderful grudges I was keeping, and all of them so poorly organized! I'm ready to take my grudge management to the next level, and this book gave me the tools to do it.

This book is entertaining as well as practical. I realize it's meant to be somewhat facetious, but it truly made me think about grudges, not only my own but people's in general. Why do some people hold grudges and some don't? Wh
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Sophie Hannah is an internationally bestselling writer of psychological crime fiction, published in 27 countries. In 2013, her latest novel, The Carrier, won the Crime Thriller of the Year Award at the Specsavers National Book Awards. Two of Sophie’s crime novels, The Point of Rescue and The Other Half Lives, have been adapted for television and appeared on ITV1 under the series title Case Sensiti ...more

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