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Brave, Not Perfect: Fear Less, Fail More, and Live Bolder
In a book inspired by her popular TED talk, New York Times bestselling author Reshma Saujani empowers women and girls to embrace imperfection and bravery.
Imagine if you lived without the fear of not being good enough. If you didn't care how your life looked on Instagram, or worry about what total strangers thought of you. Imagine if you could let go of the guilt, and stop beating yourself up for tiny mistakes. What if, in every decision you faced, you took the bolder path?
Too many of us feel crushed under the weight of our own expectations. We run ourselves ragged trying to please everyone, all the time. We lose sleep ruminating about whether we may have offended someone, pass up opportunities that take us out of our comfort zones, and avoid rejection at all costs.
There's a reason we act this way, Reshma says. As girls, we were taught to play it safe. Well-meaning parents and teachers praised us for being quiet and polite, urged us to be careful so we didn't get hurt, and steered us to activities at which we could shine.
The problem is that perfect girls grow up to be women who are afraid to fail. It's time to stop letting our fears drown out our dreams and narrow our world, along with our chance at happiness.
By choosing bravery over perfection, we can find the power to claim our voice, to leave behind what makes us unhappy, and go for the things we genuinely, passionately want. Perfection may set us on a path that feels safe, but bravery leads us to the one we're authentically meant to follow.
In Brave, Not Perfect, Reshma shares powerful insights and practices to help us override our perfect girl training and make bravery a lifelong habit. By being brave, not perfect, we can all become the authors of our biggest, boldest, and most joyful life.
Imagine if you lived without the fear of not being good enough. If you didn't care how your life looked on Instagram, or worry about what total strangers thought of you. Imagine if you could let go of the guilt, and stop beating yourself up for tiny mistakes. What if, in every decision you faced, you took the bolder path?
Too many of us feel crushed under the weight of our own expectations. We run ourselves ragged trying to please everyone, all the time. We lose sleep ruminating about whether we may have offended someone, pass up opportunities that take us out of our comfort zones, and avoid rejection at all costs.
There's a reason we act this way, Reshma says. As girls, we were taught to play it safe. Well-meaning parents and teachers praised us for being quiet and polite, urged us to be careful so we didn't get hurt, and steered us to activities at which we could shine.
The problem is that perfect girls grow up to be women who are afraid to fail. It's time to stop letting our fears drown out our dreams and narrow our world, along with our chance at happiness.
By choosing bravery over perfection, we can find the power to claim our voice, to leave behind what makes us unhappy, and go for the things we genuinely, passionately want. Perfection may set us on a path that feels safe, but bravery leads us to the one we're authentically meant to follow.
In Brave, Not Perfect, Reshma shares powerful insights and practices to help us override our perfect girl training and make bravery a lifelong habit. By being brave, not perfect, we can all become the authors of our biggest, boldest, and most joyful life.
208 pages, Hardcover
First published February 5, 2019
About the author
Reshma Saujani
13 books14.2k followersReshma Saujani is the Founder and CEO of Girls Who Code, a national non-profit organization working to close the gender gap in technology and change the image of what a programmer looks like and does. With their 7-week Summer Immersion Program, 2-week specialized Campus Program, after school Clubs, and a 13-book New York Times best-selling series, they are leading the movement to inspire, educate, and equip young women with the computing skills to pursue 21st century opportunities. By the end of the 2018 academic year, Girls Who Code will have reached over 50 thousand girls in all 50 states and several US territories. The results speak for themselves: 88% of alumni have declared a CS major/minor or are more interested in CS because of Girls Who Code
Reshma began her career as an attorney and activist. In 2010, she surged onto the political scene as the first Indian American woman to run for U.S. Congress. During the race, Reshma visited local schools and saw the gender gap in computing classes firsthand, which led her to start Girls Who Code. She has also served as Deputy Public Advocate for New York City and ran a spirited campaign for Public Advocate in 2013.
Reshma’s TED talk, “Teach girls, bravery not perfection,” has more than three million views and has sparked a national conversation about how we’re raising our girls. She is the author of two books, Girls Who Code: Learn to Code and Change the World, the first in a 13-book series about girls and coding which debuted as a New York Times bestseller, and Women Who Don’t Wait In Line, in which she advocates for a new model of female leadership focused on embracing risk and failure, promoting mentorship and sponsorship, and boldly charting your own course — personally and professionally.
Reshma is a graduate of the University of Illinois, Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, and Yale Law School. She’s been named one of Fortune’s World’s Greatest Leaders, Fortune’s 40 Under 40, a WSJ Magazine Innovator of the Year, one of the 50 Most Powerful Women in New York by the New York Daily News, CNBC’s Next List, Forbes’s Most Powerful Women Changing the World, Fast Company’s 100 Most Creative People, Crain’s New York 40 Under 40, Ad Age’s Creativity 50, Business Insider’s 50 Women Who Are Changing the World, City & State’s Rising Stars, and an AOL / PBS Next MAKER. Saujani serves on the Board of Overseers for the International Rescue Committee, which provides aid to refugees and those impacted by humanitarian crises, and She Should Run, which seeks to increase the number of women in public leadership.
Reshma lives in New York City with her husband, Nihal, their son, Shaan, and their bulldog, Stanley.
Reshma began her career as an attorney and activist. In 2010, she surged onto the political scene as the first Indian American woman to run for U.S. Congress. During the race, Reshma visited local schools and saw the gender gap in computing classes firsthand, which led her to start Girls Who Code. She has also served as Deputy Public Advocate for New York City and ran a spirited campaign for Public Advocate in 2013.
Reshma’s TED talk, “Teach girls, bravery not perfection,” has more than three million views and has sparked a national conversation about how we’re raising our girls. She is the author of two books, Girls Who Code: Learn to Code and Change the World, the first in a 13-book series about girls and coding which debuted as a New York Times bestseller, and Women Who Don’t Wait In Line, in which she advocates for a new model of female leadership focused on embracing risk and failure, promoting mentorship and sponsorship, and boldly charting your own course — personally and professionally.
Reshma is a graduate of the University of Illinois, Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, and Yale Law School. She’s been named one of Fortune’s World’s Greatest Leaders, Fortune’s 40 Under 40, a WSJ Magazine Innovator of the Year, one of the 50 Most Powerful Women in New York by the New York Daily News, CNBC’s Next List, Forbes’s Most Powerful Women Changing the World, Fast Company’s 100 Most Creative People, Crain’s New York 40 Under 40, Ad Age’s Creativity 50, Business Insider’s 50 Women Who Are Changing the World, City & State’s Rising Stars, and an AOL / PBS Next MAKER. Saujani serves on the Board of Overseers for the International Rescue Committee, which provides aid to refugees and those impacted by humanitarian crises, and She Should Run, which seeks to increase the number of women in public leadership.
Reshma lives in New York City with her husband, Nihal, their son, Shaan, and their bulldog, Stanley.
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March 3, 2019
Perfect for a TED talk and just a tad bit repetitive and go-get-it-ish for a book. Having read this book, though, I realised how lucky I am because I've never been told that I ought to be perfect (or ought to be something other than just happy and content, for that matter) or, that being a girl, I'm a less something.
I grew up in the family where women would have none of this “softer gender” thing (my great-grandmother travelled across the country during the WW2 on her own with six little children), and men - my Dad and my Grandpa - lauded the brilliance, kindness, generosity and, yes, bravery of the women they love. In fact, my Grandpa, one of the smartest men I know, my constant interlocutor and opponent, encouraged me not to use "but-I-am-a-girl" as an excuse to not understand or not know something. When I was at school and couldn't figure out how to deal with a difficult math homework, he tried to explain me things that I found too complicated to grasp. Refusing to make an effort, I asked him to just tell me what the answer was, "because I'm a girl", I added. "So what?" he said. In this regard Brave, Not Perfect is an eye-opening book for me as what I've been taking for granted my entire life turned out to be a privilege. And yet, I, too, don't often feel brave enough, and I'm definitely prone to either having a perfect result or not doing anything at all. I asked myself, why. And I daresay it's because things are a bit more complicated in real life than they are in a TED talk or a How-To book.
I don't like eerie boy-girl binary opposition that Reshma Saujani used in this book. She states, for example, that women don’t go for what they want unless they’re sure that they’re 100% qualified, while for men 60% of confidence is enough. She says that boys are encouraged to be brave, while girls are encouraged to be likable. It's the truth, of course. But is it the whole truth? I know boys who are as striving to be nice and perfect as much as girls from Saujani examples. I know men who were taught to play it safe and don't even dare to try something bold. I know women who don't give a damn what others would think and go for things they want in what should be called "a man's fashion". As much as I liked this book (because it resonated with me, despite the fact that I cannot relate to the reasons and explanations Saujani gives), I would love it to be more about a person (male or female) striving to meet some illusive expectations rather than just girls overcoming the issues of a boy-girl framed mindset, just because this way the book might have been helpful for many more people.
I grew up in the family where women would have none of this “softer gender” thing (my great-grandmother travelled across the country during the WW2 on her own with six little children), and men - my Dad and my Grandpa - lauded the brilliance, kindness, generosity and, yes, bravery of the women they love. In fact, my Grandpa, one of the smartest men I know, my constant interlocutor and opponent, encouraged me not to use "but-I-am-a-girl" as an excuse to not understand or not know something. When I was at school and couldn't figure out how to deal with a difficult math homework, he tried to explain me things that I found too complicated to grasp. Refusing to make an effort, I asked him to just tell me what the answer was, "because I'm a girl", I added. "So what?" he said. In this regard Brave, Not Perfect is an eye-opening book for me as what I've been taking for granted my entire life turned out to be a privilege. And yet, I, too, don't often feel brave enough, and I'm definitely prone to either having a perfect result or not doing anything at all. I asked myself, why. And I daresay it's because things are a bit more complicated in real life than they are in a TED talk or a How-To book.
I don't like eerie boy-girl binary opposition that Reshma Saujani used in this book. She states, for example, that women don’t go for what they want unless they’re sure that they’re 100% qualified, while for men 60% of confidence is enough. She says that boys are encouraged to be brave, while girls are encouraged to be likable. It's the truth, of course. But is it the whole truth? I know boys who are as striving to be nice and perfect as much as girls from Saujani examples. I know men who were taught to play it safe and don't even dare to try something bold. I know women who don't give a damn what others would think and go for things they want in what should be called "a man's fashion". As much as I liked this book (because it resonated with me, despite the fact that I cannot relate to the reasons and explanations Saujani gives), I would love it to be more about a person (male or female) striving to meet some illusive expectations rather than just girls overcoming the issues of a boy-girl framed mindset, just because this way the book might have been helpful for many more people.
April 2, 2020
اسم اصلی کتاب «شجاع، نه بینقص» نسبت به « شجاع باش دختر» بیشتر نمایانگر محتوای کتابه. این عنوان نسخهی ترجمهشده ممکنه این تصور ُ ایجاد کنه که این کتاب در ردهی کتابهای پاشو دست و روت ُ بشور و خودت باش دختر، قرار میگیره. درحالی که اینطور نیست.
این کتاب، اگرچه شاید در قسمتهای انتهایی ارائهی راهکار کمی شعارزده بهنظر برسد، اما از واقعیت مهمی پردهبرداری میکند: پسران تربیت میشوند که شجاع باشند و دختران برای بینقص بودن تربیت میشوند. بینقص بودن، کمالگرایی افراطی را به همراه دارد که در نهایت به تفکر «همه یا هیچ» ختم میشود و باعث میشود دختران بهجای آنکه ریسکپذیر باشند، دست از تلاش برندارند و کارهای موردعلاقهشان را انجام دهند، بسیار محافظهکار باشند و مشغول به کاری شوند که مطمئن هستند میتوانند به طور کامل از پس آن برآیند.
نویسنده در فصلهایی از کتاب راهکارهایی برای شجاعتر شدن و مواجهه با چالشها ارائه میدهد که با اینکه در مواردی شعارزدهست ولی عملیست.
× میشود گفت کتاب ارزشمندیست؛ بخوانیدش اگر دختر بودهاید یا هستید و یا اگر قرار است دخترتان را تربیت کنید.
این کتاب، اگرچه شاید در قسمتهای انتهایی ارائهی راهکار کمی شعارزده بهنظر برسد، اما از واقعیت مهمی پردهبرداری میکند: پسران تربیت میشوند که شجاع باشند و دختران برای بینقص بودن تربیت میشوند. بینقص بودن، کمالگرایی افراطی را به همراه دارد که در نهایت به تفکر «همه یا هیچ» ختم میشود و باعث میشود دختران بهجای آنکه ریسکپذیر باشند، دست از تلاش برندارند و کارهای موردعلاقهشان را انجام دهند، بسیار محافظهکار باشند و مشغول به کاری شوند که مطمئن هستند میتوانند به طور کامل از پس آن برآیند.
نویسنده در فصلهایی از کتاب راهکارهایی برای شجاعتر شدن و مواجهه با چالشها ارائه میدهد که با اینکه در مواردی شعارزدهست ولی عملیست.
× میشود گفت کتاب ارزشمندیست؛ بخوانیدش اگر دختر بودهاید یا هستید و یا اگر قرار است دخترتان را تربیت کنید.
May 21, 2019
"No more silencing or holding ourselves back or teaching our daughters to do the same it's time to stop this paradigm in its tracks."
Brave, Not Perfect by Reshma Saujani is one of the gem of the books I've come across in my lifetime. This is an authentic take against gender discrimination and sexism which is deftly baked in our culture. It is a powerful insight which redefines bravery and makes us follow our true dreams!
This amazing read written by Reshma Saujani is is divided into three parts. Part 1 highlights how perfection is ingrained in a culture and how this cult is making the lives of young girls difficult everywhere. Part 2 redefines bravery it makes us rethink what actually is perfection!
Part 3 talks about the ways we can genuinely accept our flaws and flubs and provides us with methods to lead a bold and joyful life. It frees women from the moratorium place on them in which to "be liked or be damned to hell" is the lesson taught everyday and it destigmatize this "all-or-nothing" game of perfection.
Amazingly written with various examples and contemporary references, this book will make you learn that "setbacks will not destroy, they will set you free."
It definitely helps girls and women of all ages to throw out the "elusive carrot of perfection" they are made to chew everyday.
When I finally turned the last page of the book it left me with a sense of hope and accomplishment. It made me feel complete in a certain way which is the best possible thing a book can gift you!
My Rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟.5/ 5
Thankyou @harpercollinsin for sending across this amazing book!
Brave, Not Perfect by Reshma Saujani is one of the gem of the books I've come across in my lifetime. This is an authentic take against gender discrimination and sexism which is deftly baked in our culture. It is a powerful insight which redefines bravery and makes us follow our true dreams!
This amazing read written by Reshma Saujani is is divided into three parts. Part 1 highlights how perfection is ingrained in a culture and how this cult is making the lives of young girls difficult everywhere. Part 2 redefines bravery it makes us rethink what actually is perfection!
Part 3 talks about the ways we can genuinely accept our flaws and flubs and provides us with methods to lead a bold and joyful life. It frees women from the moratorium place on them in which to "be liked or be damned to hell" is the lesson taught everyday and it destigmatize this "all-or-nothing" game of perfection.
Amazingly written with various examples and contemporary references, this book will make you learn that "setbacks will not destroy, they will set you free."
It definitely helps girls and women of all ages to throw out the "elusive carrot of perfection" they are made to chew everyday.
When I finally turned the last page of the book it left me with a sense of hope and accomplishment. It made me feel complete in a certain way which is the best possible thing a book can gift you!
My Rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟.5/ 5
Thankyou @harpercollinsin for sending across this amazing book!
November 30, 2019
Reshma Saujani yra ta mergina, kuri turėjo viską, bet nusprendė siekti savo svajonės ir tuo tobulu savo gyvenimo paveikslėliu surizikavo. Ilga laiką tik slapčiausiose svajonėse puoselėjo viltį balotiruotis į JAV kongresą. Atėjo diena, kai surizikavo. Viskas baigėsi pralaimėjimu, bet tik tai minutei. Mergina pralaimėjimą pavertė nauja galimybe ir įkūrė organizaciją “Mergaitės, kurios koduoja”. Tai tapo nauja galimybe sau, o kartu prasme gyvenimui. Šalia to dar sekė įkvepianti TED kalba ir ši knyga.
Trupai drūtai - maža knygelė su galingu motyvacijos užtaisu. Autorė knygą pradeda mergaičių vaikyste. Pirmasis skyrelis iškalbingai pavadintas “Gerutė, gražutė ir visa tokia meilutė”. Mintis tokia, kad mergaitės nuo mažų dienų pratinamos prie tam tikro elgesio: neišsitepti, kalbėti tyliai, atitinkami žaislai, smulkiosios motorikos lavinimas, saugūs žaidimai. Toliau pereinama prie to, kad atsitinka, kai tokia saugiam burbule užauginta mergaitė tampa moterimi. Įdomu! Tikrai labai įdomu!
Knygos tikslas - pajudėti. Pajudėti nuo to tobulumo siekio kuo toliau ir pasiekti tokį tašką, kai tapsime drąsios ir nebebijosime būti netobulomis. Iš esmės tai kodo nulaužimas - to, kas buvo giliai tavyje įsišakniję sulaužymas. Tada nebijoti kurti gyvenimo, kuris yra tau, o ne mamai, tėčiui, draugams, vaikams ar visuomenei.
Apie tekstą. Jis lengvas, pagaulus ir šiek tiek pasikartojantis. Tiesa, tai nieko keisto, nes dauguma motyvacinių knygų jus drąsina ir koduoja kažką keisti, o pasikartojimai tam itin tinka. Kartu taip pastiprinama ir siunčiama žinutė.
Kažko ypatingai naujo knygoje aš neradau, bet skubu pridurti tai, kad aš apskritai domiuosi moterų įgalinimo, išsilaisvinimo ir stiprinimo temomis, tad tas nebūtinai galios jums. Jei nesate nieko panašaus skaitę - ši knyga gali būti puikus startas, nes tai, ką aš sužinojau iš daugybės knygų, šioje pateikta koncentruotai. Žodžiu, sutaupysite laiko, nes šiuose 200 psl rasite gerą padrąsinimo dozę kartu su visa istorija apie tai, kur slypi musu vidinių demonų šaknys.
Kam skaityti? Dovanokite knygą visoms merginoms ir moterims, kurioms reikia pastiprinimo ir apkabinimo. Perskaičius ją, atrodo, kad kalnus galėčiau nuversti! Tikrai neperdedu. Dovanokite knygą sau, nes nuo ko gi kito, jei ne mūsų pačių savijautos prasideda gražiausi gyvenime dalykai. O aš šią knygą būtinai saugosiu lentynoje, nes beprotiškai noriu, kad ją perskaitytų užaugusi mano dukra. Gero skaitymo.
Trupai drūtai - maža knygelė su galingu motyvacijos užtaisu. Autorė knygą pradeda mergaičių vaikyste. Pirmasis skyrelis iškalbingai pavadintas “Gerutė, gražutė ir visa tokia meilutė”. Mintis tokia, kad mergaitės nuo mažų dienų pratinamos prie tam tikro elgesio: neišsitepti, kalbėti tyliai, atitinkami žaislai, smulkiosios motorikos lavinimas, saugūs žaidimai. Toliau pereinama prie to, kad atsitinka, kai tokia saugiam burbule užauginta mergaitė tampa moterimi. Įdomu! Tikrai labai įdomu!
Knygos tikslas - pajudėti. Pajudėti nuo to tobulumo siekio kuo toliau ir pasiekti tokį tašką, kai tapsime drąsios ir nebebijosime būti netobulomis. Iš esmės tai kodo nulaužimas - to, kas buvo giliai tavyje įsišakniję sulaužymas. Tada nebijoti kurti gyvenimo, kuris yra tau, o ne mamai, tėčiui, draugams, vaikams ar visuomenei.
Apie tekstą. Jis lengvas, pagaulus ir šiek tiek pasikartojantis. Tiesa, tai nieko keisto, nes dauguma motyvacinių knygų jus drąsina ir koduoja kažką keisti, o pasikartojimai tam itin tinka. Kartu taip pastiprinama ir siunčiama žinutė.
Kažko ypatingai naujo knygoje aš neradau, bet skubu pridurti tai, kad aš apskritai domiuosi moterų įgalinimo, išsilaisvinimo ir stiprinimo temomis, tad tas nebūtinai galios jums. Jei nesate nieko panašaus skaitę - ši knyga gali būti puikus startas, nes tai, ką aš sužinojau iš daugybės knygų, šioje pateikta koncentruotai. Žodžiu, sutaupysite laiko, nes šiuose 200 psl rasite gerą padrąsinimo dozę kartu su visa istorija apie tai, kur slypi musu vidinių demonų šaknys.
Kam skaityti? Dovanokite knygą visoms merginoms ir moterims, kurioms reikia pastiprinimo ir apkabinimo. Perskaičius ją, atrodo, kad kalnus galėčiau nuversti! Tikrai neperdedu. Dovanokite knygą sau, nes nuo ko gi kito, jei ne mūsų pačių savijautos prasideda gražiausi gyvenime dalykai. O aš šią knygą būtinai saugosiu lentynoje, nes beprotiškai noriu, kad ją perskaitytų užaugusi mano dukra. Gero skaitymo.
August 1, 2020
تقریبا تمام زندگیم یک پیام رو سرلوحه کارام قرار دادم: "یا اولین باش یا بهترین"
و این گاها بهایی داشته، اینکه انقدر تلاش کردم همه چیز در کمال مطلوب باشه که مجبور شدم کار رو دقیقه نود و حتی بعدش تکمیل کنم، اینکه اشتباهاتی کردم در طول راه و متوجه نشدم.
باید عتراف کنم من به طرز گاها وسواسگونهای کمالگرام!
ریشما سو��انی تو این کتاب میگه این رفتار و طرز فکر ما علتی داره:
"وقتی دختر بودیم به ما یاد میدادند بازیهای بیخطر را انتخاب کنیم. والدین و معلمانِ خیرخواه بهخاطر ساکت و مؤدببودن تحسینمان میکردند. آنها از ما میخواستند مراقب باشیم آسیبی نبینیم و ما را بهسمت فعالیتهایی سوق میدادند که میتوانستیم در آنها «بدرخشیم». درنتیجه، حالا زنانی شدهایم که از شکست میترسند."
کتاب شجاع باش دختر، داره میگه بدون صد در صد بینقص بودن هم میشه پیشرفت کرد، و برای انجام کارها به صورت مطلوب باید شجاع باشیم نه بینقص.
من این کتاب رو دو بخش میکنم:
بخش اول، صد صفحه اول
شامل خاطرات ریشما و زنان دیگر و بررسی علت این کمالگرایی افراطی در خانمها.
بیشتر به ریشههای تربیتی میپردازه و در زمینههای مختلف مثال میاره. خیلی از مثالها رو با کمی دقت متوجه میشید که در اکثر زنان و دختران ایرانی میشه دید و برخی مثالها هم ریشه در فرهنگ فرنگی داره و خیلی برای ما صادق نیست.
یک قسمت جالب تو این بخش برای من تاثیر اسباببازیها بر کمالگرایی دختران بود.
خوندن این بخش بر همه پدران، مادران، معلمان و هرکسی که به نحوی در تربیت دختران نقش داره موثره.
و خصوصا خانمها ایرانی، که اکثرا تمام تلاششون رو میکنند که تمام و کمال باشند.
بخش دوم میشه از حدودا صفحه صد و پنج به بعد که راهکارها و راهبردهای مختلف بهمون میده.
از اونجایی که کمالگرایی میتونه در جنبههای مختلفی ظاهر شه این فصلها هم راهبردهای مختلف برای هر کس داره، ممکنه همه راهبردها برای همه خوانندگان کاربردی نباشه، مثلا یکسری مسائل مطرح شده هیچوقت برای من معضل نبوده و از روشون گذشتم اما بعضیها رو علامت زدم مجددا بهشون رجوع کنم.
یک نکته در مورد راهکارها اینهکه بیشتر روی ذهن تاثیر دارند و تمرینات ذهنی هستند، با توجه به اینکه کمالگرایی ریشه در تربیت داره فکر میکنم بدیهی و قابل درک باشه.
مهمترین نکته اینهکه قبل از خوندن این کتاب باید با خودمون رو راست باشیم و بدونیم چرا داریم این کتاب رو میخونیم و میخواهیم چه چیزی رو ترک کنیم. والا میشه یک کتابی که یک روز خوندیمش و تمام!
و این گاها بهایی داشته، اینکه انقدر تلاش کردم همه چیز در کمال مطلوب باشه که مجبور شدم کار رو دقیقه نود و حتی بعدش تکمیل کنم، اینکه اشتباهاتی کردم در طول راه و متوجه نشدم.
باید عتراف کنم من به طرز گاها وسواسگونهای کمالگرام!
ریشما سو��انی تو این کتاب میگه این رفتار و طرز فکر ما علتی داره:
"وقتی دختر بودیم به ما یاد میدادند بازیهای بیخطر را انتخاب کنیم. والدین و معلمانِ خیرخواه بهخاطر ساکت و مؤدببودن تحسینمان میکردند. آنها از ما میخواستند مراقب باشیم آسیبی نبینیم و ما را بهسمت فعالیتهایی سوق میدادند که میتوانستیم در آنها «بدرخشیم». درنتیجه، حالا زنانی شدهایم که از شکست میترسند."
کتاب شجاع باش دختر، داره میگه بدون صد در صد بینقص بودن هم میشه پیشرفت کرد، و برای انجام کارها به صورت مطلوب باید شجاع باشیم نه بینقص.
من این کتاب رو دو بخش میکنم:
بخش اول، صد صفحه اول
شامل خاطرات ریشما و زنان دیگر و بررسی علت این کمالگرایی افراطی در خانمها.
بیشتر به ریشههای تربیتی میپردازه و در زمینههای مختلف مثال میاره. خیلی از مثالها رو با کمی دقت متوجه میشید که در اکثر زنان و دختران ایرانی میشه دید و برخی مثالها هم ریشه در فرهنگ فرنگی داره و خیلی برای ما صادق نیست.
یک قسمت جالب تو این بخش برای من تاثیر اسباببازیها بر کمالگرایی دختران بود.
خوندن این بخش بر همه پدران، مادران، معلمان و هرکسی که به نحوی در تربیت دختران نقش داره موثره.
و خصوصا خانمها ایرانی، که اکثرا تمام تلاششون رو میکنند که تمام و کمال باشند.
بخش دوم میشه از حدودا صفحه صد و پنج به بعد که راهکارها و راهبردهای مختلف بهمون میده.
از اونجایی که کمالگرایی میتونه در جنبههای مختلفی ظاهر شه این فصلها هم راهبردهای مختلف برای هر کس داره، ممکنه همه راهبردها برای همه خوانندگان کاربردی نباشه، مثلا یکسری مسائل مطرح شده هیچوقت برای من معضل نبوده و از روشون گذشتم اما بعضیها رو علامت زدم مجددا بهشون رجوع کنم.
یک نکته در مورد راهکارها اینهکه بیشتر روی ذهن تاثیر دارند و تمرینات ذهنی هستند، با توجه به اینکه کمالگرایی ریشه در تربیت داره فکر میکنم بدیهی و قابل درک باشه.
مهمترین نکته اینهکه قبل از خوندن این کتاب باید با خودمون رو راست باشیم و بدونیم چرا داریم این کتاب رو میخونیم و میخواهیم چه چیزی رو ترک کنیم. والا میشه یک کتابی که یک روز خوندیمش و تمام!
March 20, 2019
This book has something to offer women that struggle with trying to be perfect, saying no, and reaching for their goals. Unfortunately, I do think that many women fall into at least one of these categories. Many don't value themselves enough and are afraid of being judged harshly, embarrassed, or failing. Those are the women that this book attempts to reach.
I thought it was a decent book for someone that is looking for some support in moving forward out of this type of life cycle. Unfortunately, I did not find anything new in the book. Of course, my education is in mental health, so I may be more experienced in this area than some, but I also think that a lot of this just comes with time and life experience. Therefor, I also think it may be more useful to someone that is younger.
The last part of the book offers some helpful suggestions to people trying to break these habits, however some of it may be easier said than done and women should be aware that it will take not just bravery, but motivation and repetition of effort to effect the type of changes suggested.
I did have one issue with the book and that is that the author involves politics on several occasions. At times I could see how it applied to what she was trying to say, but other times she just added it in because it is an interest of hers. I feel that this might alienate women that have a different political view than she does. I would suggest that there are plenty of women with opposing political views that the author might be able to help who would be turned off by the political aspect.
In addition, I found the book to be a bit too repetitive for my taste and took longer to finish than it should have. I didn't think it was a bad book, but I didn't find it particularly interesting either. However, if the subject interests you, go ahead and give it a try. You may love it.
Thank you to NetGalley and Crown Publishing for providing me with a free electronic copy in exchange for an honest review.
I thought it was a decent book for someone that is looking for some support in moving forward out of this type of life cycle. Unfortunately, I did not find anything new in the book. Of course, my education is in mental health, so I may be more experienced in this area than some, but I also think that a lot of this just comes with time and life experience. Therefor, I also think it may be more useful to someone that is younger.
The last part of the book offers some helpful suggestions to people trying to break these habits, however some of it may be easier said than done and women should be aware that it will take not just bravery, but motivation and repetition of effort to effect the type of changes suggested.
I did have one issue with the book and that is that the author involves politics on several occasions. At times I could see how it applied to what she was trying to say, but other times she just added it in because it is an interest of hers. I feel that this might alienate women that have a different political view than she does. I would suggest that there are plenty of women with opposing political views that the author might be able to help who would be turned off by the political aspect.
In addition, I found the book to be a bit too repetitive for my taste and took longer to finish than it should have. I didn't think it was a bad book, but I didn't find it particularly interesting either. However, if the subject interests you, go ahead and give it a try. You may love it.
Thank you to NetGalley and Crown Publishing for providing me with a free electronic copy in exchange for an honest review.
November 6, 2019
Gera knyga. Labai daug įkvėpiančių minčių, kurios gyvenimiškos, pritaikomos. Autorės knyga įkvėpta jos milžiniško populiarumo TED kalbos. Pati autorė daug dirba su mergaičių pritraukimų į IT sritį ir programavimą (nemažai pavyzdžių iš šios srities). Todėl įkvėpimo tikrai rasite - kaip atsikratyti baimės veikti, klysti ar noro įtikti kitiems savo sąskaita ir pan. Apžvalgai turiu labai daug minčių. Visgi, kodėl 3? Nes knyga faina, joje daug visko, bet tokio pobūdžio knygos tiesiog retai būna wow. P. S. Visgi permiegojus su tom mintim taisau į 4. Nu užmotyvavo mane ji 🤔👌
November 8, 2020
وقتی این کتاب رو شروع کردم خوندم فکر کردم یک کتاب زرد روانشناسی هستش که نمونه اش زیاد پیدا میشه! ولی اینطور نبود این کتاب مثل یک تلنگره که بهت میگه کی گفته همیشه باید بی نقص و کامل باشی از ترس اینکه در دید بقیه چطوری دیده میشی؟! که این دیدگاه بیشتر تو خانم ها دیده میشه تا آقایون، این ترس از نقص داشتن و اینکه نکنه مورد تایید قرار نگیرم؟! این کتاب بهت یاد می��ه همیشه هم نباید کامل باشی و از ترس اینکه مبادا گندی بزنی دست از انجام کارای مورد علاقه ات بکشی و ریسک نکنی. خلاصه ی کلام اسم کتابه شجاع باش دختر 💙
April 8, 2019
I have to say this book really irked me.
The premise of this book is fantastic (in theory). The author's writing and layout...horrible. Like most Liberal female non-fiction writers, the author writes women as victims. The author omitted several facts regarding women leaders, entrepreneurs and even employees moving up the corporate ladder and/or starting their own business, which is supported by studies. The author also omitted the statistics of the rise of women as head of household or MBAs.
This author had an important book to write. She had a book to write that applauded the work we have done that also addressed work that needed to be done. As a STRONG Libertarian woman, I believe that we encourage others by a hand up. While I think this was the author's premise, she failed in delivery.
My general perception walking away from this book was it was a disappointing Ted Talk that I would have rolled my eyes at while I was walking out of it. Unfortunately for me, I signed up to review it, so I was in it for the long haul. Did I skim a majority of it? Yes, I did, but it was necessary because the book irked me to no end.
The premise of this book is fantastic (in theory). The author's writing and layout...horrible. Like most Liberal female non-fiction writers, the author writes women as victims. The author omitted several facts regarding women leaders, entrepreneurs and even employees moving up the corporate ladder and/or starting their own business, which is supported by studies. The author also omitted the statistics of the rise of women as head of household or MBAs.
This author had an important book to write. She had a book to write that applauded the work we have done that also addressed work that needed to be done. As a STRONG Libertarian woman, I believe that we encourage others by a hand up. While I think this was the author's premise, she failed in delivery.
My general perception walking away from this book was it was a disappointing Ted Talk that I would have rolled my eyes at while I was walking out of it. Unfortunately for me, I signed up to review it, so I was in it for the long haul. Did I skim a majority of it? Yes, I did, but it was necessary because the book irked me to no end.
May 15, 2019
This started out as an empathetic and serious talk between close friends and plunged into a clichéd ad post on insta from someone trying to profit off feminism because it sells. I feel like if this book was shorter it would've been different.
February 22, 2019
I think I would've gotten a lot more out of this if I fit Saujani's definition of a perfectionist—fixed mindset, constantly worried what others think of me, a Type-A Hermione Granger. As more of a Faramir (blessed with an awesome father instead of Denethor), I didn't quite reap the full Brave, Not Perfect experience of empowerment.
Which is not to say I didn't benefit from the read. Having Saujani's concepts and assertions to push my own experiences against allowed me to more closely define how my own drive toward perfection behaves in my life. And reading what motivates her and other Hermione Granger perfectionists to push themselves toward bravery (regret, jealousy, competitiveness) offered me the opportunity to realize that my motivations will have to be something else entirely. Even looking at some of her strategies to cultivate a bravery mindset affirmed that the ways I've worked to enlarge my life since adolescence are solid, beneficial approaches.
But this was definitely more a case of Learn How Different You Are than Learn How You Too Can Change Your Life! I'm an enneagram 4, so you'd think I'd be rolling in that special snowflake-ness like a cat in catnip, but...honestly...I could really use some help with the type of perfectionism I do experience.
It didn't help that a lot of Saujani's statements about the source of perfectionism in women, women's right to claim their truth, and how her readers, too, can achieve greatness through bravery were very black and white and riddled with logical holes and inconsistencies. Instead of focusing on what she was advocating, I kept getting snarled in what wasn't being said. (Or cited in the Notes.)
I mean, sure, maybe we should rethink how we raise our girls, but do we really think raising them like our boys is the solution? Doesn't the way we raise our boys cause problems of its own? And, yes! Claim your truth, ladies! ...But don't think that your truth gives you the right to stop hearing others' truths, too. And it's fantastic that so many women have found that bravery has led them to creating amazing non-profits and opening new chapters of success...but isn't that still focusing on the end goal instead of the process of being brave?
I think Brave, Not Perfect will leave many, many readers with an awakening sense of their own power and a roadmap for fully inhabiting their own lives, but for those of us outside Saujani's template—or those less moved by the pathos of her encouragement—there's a lot less here. I will certainly take the insights I've gained and see whether I can turn them into weapons in the neverending battle against my own perfectionist demons, and there are a few strategies I can put into immediate action (Take On a Physical Challenge; Trust Yourself; Review, Reassess, Realign), but the hunt for advice that speaks to my Faramir-type perfectionist continues....
Which is not to say I didn't benefit from the read. Having Saujani's concepts and assertions to push my own experiences against allowed me to more closely define how my own drive toward perfection behaves in my life. And reading what motivates her and other Hermione Granger perfectionists to push themselves toward bravery (regret, jealousy, competitiveness) offered me the opportunity to realize that my motivations will have to be something else entirely. Even looking at some of her strategies to cultivate a bravery mindset affirmed that the ways I've worked to enlarge my life since adolescence are solid, beneficial approaches.
But this was definitely more a case of Learn How Different You Are than Learn How You Too Can Change Your Life! I'm an enneagram 4, so you'd think I'd be rolling in that special snowflake-ness like a cat in catnip, but...honestly...I could really use some help with the type of perfectionism I do experience.
It didn't help that a lot of Saujani's statements about the source of perfectionism in women, women's right to claim their truth, and how her readers, too, can achieve greatness through bravery were very black and white and riddled with logical holes and inconsistencies. Instead of focusing on what she was advocating, I kept getting snarled in what wasn't being said. (Or cited in the Notes.)
I mean, sure, maybe we should rethink how we raise our girls, but do we really think raising them like our boys is the solution? Doesn't the way we raise our boys cause problems of its own? And, yes! Claim your truth, ladies! ...But don't think that your truth gives you the right to stop hearing others' truths, too. And it's fantastic that so many women have found that bravery has led them to creating amazing non-profits and opening new chapters of success...but isn't that still focusing on the end goal instead of the process of being brave?
I think Brave, Not Perfect will leave many, many readers with an awakening sense of their own power and a roadmap for fully inhabiting their own lives, but for those of us outside Saujani's template—or those less moved by the pathos of her encouragement—there's a lot less here. I will certainly take the insights I've gained and see whether I can turn them into weapons in the neverending battle against my own perfectionist demons, and there are a few strategies I can put into immediate action (Take On a Physical Challenge; Trust Yourself; Review, Reassess, Realign), but the hunt for advice that speaks to my Faramir-type perfectionist continues....
June 6, 2019
Good have been a blog post or a meme... didn't need a whole book.
Read
April 7, 2020🍂2020 Spring Tbr Cleaning 🍂
Don't want to read it.
Don't want to read it.
Read
January 3, 2021Reread for work -- I'd recommended it as a company read and indeed, I still really like it. Could all of it come from her TED talk? Sure, but she keeps the book short, tight, and written in a really actionable way. It's a nice reminder of the power of bravery and failure in a world that demands perfection from women.
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An outstanding personal development/self-help/growth book about the ways men and women are cued to behave differently. Women, so frequently, are encouraged to be perfect and when something can't be done in such a way, they shouldn't bother trying. That leads, then, to not trying new things or developing their bravery muscle. Saujani offers up some of the ways that bravery can be practiced and integrated and how to break away from those preconceived ideas of perfection.
Short, succinct, and doesn't feel like a book made from a TED Talk. It offers actionable steps, powerful insights, and tons of science/social science research. The voice is excellent and encouraging. It was a reminder to not shut up in instances where speaking up or out would be of tremendous value.
Perfect for those who love DROP THE BALL or who are tired of cis white dudes leading the ~disruption~ in personal development. Saujani is a woman of color, and her background is tremendously necessary in this space.
More to be said on the "All The Books" podcast!
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An outstanding personal development/self-help/growth book about the ways men and women are cued to behave differently. Women, so frequently, are encouraged to be perfect and when something can't be done in such a way, they shouldn't bother trying. That leads, then, to not trying new things or developing their bravery muscle. Saujani offers up some of the ways that bravery can be practiced and integrated and how to break away from those preconceived ideas of perfection.
Short, succinct, and doesn't feel like a book made from a TED Talk. It offers actionable steps, powerful insights, and tons of science/social science research. The voice is excellent and encouraging. It was a reminder to not shut up in instances where speaking up or out would be of tremendous value.
Perfect for those who love DROP THE BALL or who are tired of cis white dudes leading the ~disruption~ in personal development. Saujani is a woman of color, and her background is tremendously necessary in this space.
More to be said on the "All The Books" podcast!
November 9, 2019
I really, really appreciated this book.
It’s a great summary of a lot of gender and social research around women (in the workplace, at home, and in general) as well as a gentle kick in the pants to enact change in your life.
As someone who often aims for perfection, who sometimes has a hard time balancing her life, difficulty saying no (or saying yes because I’m scared to do whatever it is), among a myriad other things referenced in the text at some point in my life, I found this book valuable.
Is it at times obvious? Sure. Is it the first time some of these strategies have been presented to the public? No. Is it still what I needed to read and a resource I will go back to again and again? Yes. Is it written in an engaging, intelligent and straightforward manner, like someone you respect is having a coffee discussion with you? Also yes.
Ultimately what makes a book like this successful for a reader is if they actually implement strategies and change their mindset. And I’m confident I will do so (the number of sticky tabs and notes to myself will back that up).
I recommend for anyone (woman, man, teen, non-binary, other) who feels that they could be braver, that they should be able to aim for excellence without crippling themselves over unattainable perfection, and for those who just want a reminder that failure is okay.
Also Girls Who Code (the organization the author founded) is definitely something I wish existed when I was a kid!!
It’s a great summary of a lot of gender and social research around women (in the workplace, at home, and in general) as well as a gentle kick in the pants to enact change in your life.
As someone who often aims for perfection, who sometimes has a hard time balancing her life, difficulty saying no (or saying yes because I’m scared to do whatever it is), among a myriad other things referenced in the text at some point in my life, I found this book valuable.
Is it at times obvious? Sure. Is it the first time some of these strategies have been presented to the public? No. Is it still what I needed to read and a resource I will go back to again and again? Yes. Is it written in an engaging, intelligent and straightforward manner, like someone you respect is having a coffee discussion with you? Also yes.
Ultimately what makes a book like this successful for a reader is if they actually implement strategies and change their mindset. And I’m confident I will do so (the number of sticky tabs and notes to myself will back that up).
I recommend for anyone (woman, man, teen, non-binary, other) who feels that they could be braver, that they should be able to aim for excellence without crippling themselves over unattainable perfection, and for those who just want a reminder that failure is okay.
Also Girls Who Code (the organization the author founded) is definitely something I wish existed when I was a kid!!
December 21, 2019
Paėmiau knygą į rankas pačiu tinkamiausiu metu. Tiesiog po nelabai tobulos dienos ir savęs raminimų bei drąsinimų, reikėjo motyvacinio spyrio šiknon. Jaučiau, kad būtent šioje knygoje rasiu tai, ko tądien stigo.
Radau. Tai knyga - savęs paglostymui, nusiraminimui, padrąsinimui. Nors kažko naujo, netikėto, super stebuklingo joje neradau, tačiau skaičiau su malonumu ir truputį atsipūčiau. Supratau, kokį didelį kelią jau nuėjau, kaip didžiuojuos tuo, kas ir kur esu. Tuo pačiu mąsčiau, kaip būtų buvę paprasčiau, jei tokią knygą būčiau gavusi ankstyvoje jaunystėje ar net paauglystėje. Jaunoms merginoms, moterims, tai - puiki knyga, kaip išsivaduoti (ir kodėl reiktų vaduotis) iš perfekcionizmo gniaužtų, gerbti, mylėti save, drąsiai veikti, elgtis taip, kaip liepia širdis, 'neėsti' savęs ir kitų.
Knygą iškart panorau pasiūlyti draugėms ir savo sesei. Norisi skleisti autorės žinutę, kad kuo daugiau moterų nurimtų, klausytų savęs, ne aplinkinių, būtų drąsios, ne tobulos. Mylėkime ir palaikykime viena kitą. 🧡
Radau. Tai knyga - savęs paglostymui, nusiraminimui, padrąsinimui. Nors kažko naujo, netikėto, super stebuklingo joje neradau, tačiau skaičiau su malonumu ir truputį atsipūčiau. Supratau, kokį didelį kelią jau nuėjau, kaip didžiuojuos tuo, kas ir kur esu. Tuo pačiu mąsčiau, kaip būtų buvę paprasčiau, jei tokią knygą būčiau gavusi ankstyvoje jaunystėje ar net paauglystėje. Jaunoms merginoms, moterims, tai - puiki knyga, kaip išsivaduoti (ir kodėl reiktų vaduotis) iš perfekcionizmo gniaužtų, gerbti, mylėti save, drąsiai veikti, elgtis taip, kaip liepia širdis, 'neėsti' savęs ir kitų.
Knygą iškart panorau pasiūlyti draugėms ir savo sesei. Norisi skleisti autorės žinutę, kad kuo daugiau moterų nurimtų, klausytų savęs, ne aplinkinių, būtų drąsios, ne tobulos. Mylėkime ir palaikykime viena kitą. 🧡
April 22, 2020
I really loved a lot about this book. What I really disliked was the extremely heavy bend on liberal idealization. The author uses her personal political heroes to deliver the message but leaves no room for the reader to disagree with her political views and enjoy the core of what she is trying to communicate.
April 2, 2019
Reshma Saujani is the founder and CEO of Girls Who Code. I wasn’t familiar with her, her organization, or her apparently uber-popular TED talk.
Saujani is an interesting woman. I respect her willingness to be honest in this book, especially about her own (pretty big) failures. And I admire anyone who can pick herself up after a major defeat and find a way to move forward and rise above.
Her message is simple but powerful. Women are under an enormous amount of pressure to act and be perfect—physically, emotionally, socially, and the list goes on. These expectations are ingrained in girls from birth, and most never fully feel free of them. There were many parts of this book that resonated strongly with me:
"The desire to be perfect holds us back in so many ways. We don’t speak up for ourselves, as we know deep down we should, because we don’t want to be seen as pushy, bitchy, or just straight-up unlikeable. When we do speak up, many of us agonize and overthink how to express ourselves, trying to hit just the right note of assertiveness without seeming too “bossy” or aggressive. We obsessively analyze, consider, discuss, and weigh every angle before making a decision, no matter how small. And if we do, heaven forbid, make a mistake, we feel as though our world is falling apart."
Wow. Yeah. Exactly. #preach
While Parts 1 and 2 did start getting repetitive and probably could have been condensed, I still liked her practical advice in Part 3. Some of my favorite tips:
*** Ask for feedback. Listen and accept it.
*** Allow yourself to experience rejection.
*** Sleep.
*** Do the exact thing that scares you most.
*** Practice a small act of bravery every single day.
*** Recognize that your feelings of fear are false alarms about 99% of the time.
*** Intentionally practice imperfection. Start small so you can tolerate the stress of it.
*** Don’t waste time focusing on why someone doesn’t like you. Acknowledge that some people will get you and some people won’t—and allow yourself to be okay with that.
Overall, I appreciate the message of Brave, Not Perfect. It’s affirming to hear someone acknowledge the weighty expectation of perfection and then show realistic, doable ways to move beyond it. There’s probably about a pamphlet’s-worth of valuable information in here, but I’m still glad I read the whole book. I will definitely be talking about this with my kids—both daughters AND sons.
Big thank you to Currency and Amazon Vine for the ARC!
See more of my reviews at www.bugbugbooks.com!
Saujani is an interesting woman. I respect her willingness to be honest in this book, especially about her own (pretty big) failures. And I admire anyone who can pick herself up after a major defeat and find a way to move forward and rise above.
Her message is simple but powerful. Women are under an enormous amount of pressure to act and be perfect—physically, emotionally, socially, and the list goes on. These expectations are ingrained in girls from birth, and most never fully feel free of them. There were many parts of this book that resonated strongly with me:
"The desire to be perfect holds us back in so many ways. We don’t speak up for ourselves, as we know deep down we should, because we don’t want to be seen as pushy, bitchy, or just straight-up unlikeable. When we do speak up, many of us agonize and overthink how to express ourselves, trying to hit just the right note of assertiveness without seeming too “bossy” or aggressive. We obsessively analyze, consider, discuss, and weigh every angle before making a decision, no matter how small. And if we do, heaven forbid, make a mistake, we feel as though our world is falling apart."
Wow. Yeah. Exactly. #preach
While Parts 1 and 2 did start getting repetitive and probably could have been condensed, I still liked her practical advice in Part 3. Some of my favorite tips:
*** Ask for feedback. Listen and accept it.
*** Allow yourself to experience rejection.
*** Sleep.
*** Do the exact thing that scares you most.
*** Practice a small act of bravery every single day.
*** Recognize that your feelings of fear are false alarms about 99% of the time.
*** Intentionally practice imperfection. Start small so you can tolerate the stress of it.
*** Don’t waste time focusing on why someone doesn’t like you. Acknowledge that some people will get you and some people won’t—and allow yourself to be okay with that.
Overall, I appreciate the message of Brave, Not Perfect. It’s affirming to hear someone acknowledge the weighty expectation of perfection and then show realistic, doable ways to move beyond it. There’s probably about a pamphlet’s-worth of valuable information in here, but I’m still glad I read the whole book. I will definitely be talking about this with my kids—both daughters AND sons.
Big thank you to Currency and Amazon Vine for the ARC!
See more of my reviews at www.bugbugbooks.com!
March 12, 2019
I didn't know who Reshma was before reading this. I wasn't sure I'd like her within the first 10 pages, but I loved her honesty, passion and commitment to living her best brave life. But what I loved the most is that she was not only a strong woman, but she supported all other women. She doesn't feel the need to put others down (mainly women) to elevate herself. So I applaud that tenfold. I also liked the research she used on how different little girls are treated than little boys.
This is one of those books that made me think....lots of food for thought here. I would have liked this more if I had been younger, but where I am at in my life, I'm pretty secure and have raised my girls to be the same way. But even with that said, I think my girls could benefit from the messages that this author speaks about with such a drive. I loved the be brave message. So 4 stars.
This is one of those books that made me think....lots of food for thought here. I would have liked this more if I had been younger, but where I am at in my life, I'm pretty secure and have raised my girls to be the same way. But even with that said, I think my girls could benefit from the messages that this author speaks about with such a drive. I loved the be brave message. So 4 stars.
August 16, 2021
شجاع باش دختر توضیح میده که چطوری دختران از کودکی برای کمال گرایی و بی عیب و نقص بودن تربیت میشن (دختر مودب ، آرام، مطیع، محافظه کار،درس خون، زیبا، سازگار و دوست داشتنی)
اما پسران پیام متفاوتی دریافت میکنند
به اونها آموزش داده میشه که در تلاش برای انجام کار ها زمین بخورند و دوباره بلند شوند،برای امتحان کردن تازه ها تشویق میشوند و فعالیت های فیزیکی جسورانه تر و آزادانه تری با کمک کمتر والدین انجام دهند.
در واقع پسران آموزش دیده اند که شجاع باشند اما دختران آموزش دیده اند که بی عیب و نقص و کمالگرا باشند.
فرهنگ ما نسلهایی از دختران بی کم و کاست تربیت کرده که به زنانی تبدیل شده اند که از خطر کردن هراس دارند و از اظهار نظر،انتخاب های جسورانه ،دستیابی به اهداف ،تجلیل از دستاورد ها و زندگی به شیوه ی مورد علاقه شون بدون نیاز به تایید دیگران میترسند و حتی سمت کار هایی که احتمال میدهند در آنها شکست بخورند نمی روند.
برام جالب بود بیشتر مثال هایی که نویسنده زده با اینکه نویسنده ایرانی نیست، برای من کاملا ملموس بود.
در نتیجه این موضوع مختص فرهنگ ما نیست و متاسفانه ریشه ی جهانی داره. در جریان کتاب فهمیدم که علت خیلی از کارامون بدون اینکه خودمون بدونیم این مساله ست و چقدر کمالگرایی بهمون آسیب زده.
البته مقابله باهاش و دستیابی به شجاعت نیاز به تمرین زیاد داره.
در ادامه نویسنده تعریف جدیدی از شجاعت ارائه میده تا در نهایت با این دیدگاه جدید و تمرین راهکارها بتونیم کمالگرایی(احساس ناکافی بودن) رو کنار بذاریم و به شجاعت برسیم.
اما پسران پیام متفاوتی دریافت میکنند
به اونها آموزش داده میشه که در تلاش برای انجام کار ها زمین بخورند و دوباره بلند شوند،برای امتحان کردن تازه ها تشویق میشوند و فعالیت های فیزیکی جسورانه تر و آزادانه تری با کمک کمتر والدین انجام دهند.
در واقع پسران آموزش دیده اند که شجاع باشند اما دختران آموزش دیده اند که بی عیب و نقص و کمالگرا باشند.
فرهنگ ما نسلهایی از دختران بی کم و کاست تربیت کرده که به زنانی تبدیل شده اند که از خطر کردن هراس دارند و از اظهار نظر،انتخاب های جسورانه ،دستیابی به اهداف ،تجلیل از دستاورد ها و زندگی به شیوه ی مورد علاقه شون بدون نیاز به تایید دیگران میترسند و حتی سمت کار هایی که احتمال میدهند در آنها شکست بخورند نمی روند.
برام جالب بود بیشتر مثال هایی که نویسنده زده با اینکه نویسنده ایرانی نیست، برای من کاملا ملموس بود.
در نتیجه این موضوع مختص فرهنگ ما نیست و متاسفانه ریشه ی جهانی داره. در جریان کتاب فهمیدم که علت خیلی از کارامون بدون اینکه خودمون بدونیم این مساله ست و چقدر کمالگرایی بهمون آسیب زده.
البته مقابله باهاش و دستیابی به شجاعت نیاز به تمرین زیاد داره.
در ادامه نویسنده تعریف جدیدی از شجاعت ارائه میده تا در نهایت با این دیدگاه جدید و تمرین راهکارها بتونیم کمالگرایی(احساس ناکافی بودن) رو کنار بذاریم و به شجاعت برسیم.
January 27, 2019
Thank you to NetGalley, Currency, and Reshma Saujani for an ARC ebook copy to review. As always, an honest review from me.
Like:
- A self help business book for woman without being overly technical or dry
- She launched Girls Who Code and ran for political office
- Gives a voice to all the things that so many women experience
Love:
- Incredibly relatable
- That bravery is a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger your bravery muscle will be
- The author’s voice/writing style: professional, authoritative, but relatable and kind
- The message that its okay to not be liked, because those just aren’t your people
- The quote “In a world full of princesses, dare to be a hot dog.”
Dislike: —
Wish that:
- There were a few more practical examples of how to be brave on a day to day basis
- The book was longer!
Overall, a very powerful, relatable book that every woman needs to read. Even if you think you’re brave, I think you will find many elements of value in here. A book I’m going to be referencing again and again.
Like:
- A self help business book for woman without being overly technical or dry
- She launched Girls Who Code and ran for political office
- Gives a voice to all the things that so many women experience
Love:
- Incredibly relatable
- That bravery is a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger your bravery muscle will be
- The author’s voice/writing style: professional, authoritative, but relatable and kind
- The message that its okay to not be liked, because those just aren’t your people
- The quote “In a world full of princesses, dare to be a hot dog.”
Dislike: —
Wish that:
- There were a few more practical examples of how to be brave on a day to day basis
- The book was longer!
Overall, a very powerful, relatable book that every woman needs to read. Even if you think you’re brave, I think you will find many elements of value in here. A book I’m going to be referencing again and again.
January 11, 2020
Not that great read but it holds interesting ideas!! I didn't liked or accepted all concepts in this book but they intrigued me!
Why do women tend to overthink things! Why do they tend to think about others and their feelings more than themselves!! Why do they think more about hurting other's feelings than being honest and being forward!! Is it truly how girls are raised or is it just biology!!
Women need to be brave and move forward, raise their voices and their opinions, support other women and fight the war!
Why do women tend to overthink things! Why do they tend to think about others and their feelings more than themselves!! Why do they think more about hurting other's feelings than being honest and being forward!! Is it truly how girls are raised or is it just biology!!
Women need to be brave and move forward, raise their voices and their opinions, support other women and fight the war!
October 28, 2021
⚫️ “Už visų mitų apie tobulumą slypi viena esminė tiesa: kas tobula yra nuobodu.”
⚫️ “Princesių pilname pasaulyje išdrįsk būti dešrele bandelėje.”
⚫️ “Princesių pilname pasaulyje išdrįsk būti dešrele bandelėje.”
February 22, 2021
Kartą konferencijoje Kalifornijoje susipažinau su moterimi, kuri manęs paklausė: "Kaip galiu nesistengti būti tobula, kai pasaulyje už tai atlyginama?" Atsakiau jai, kad galbūt už tai atlyginama gimnazijoje ar koledže, bet gyvenime viskas yra kitaip. Tikrame gyvenime apdovanojama už drąsą.
Prieš atsiverčiant šią knygą rekomenduoju paklausyti šios autorės TED kalbos, tai leis suprasti apie ką yra ši knyga.
Reshma Saujani- šios knygos autorė, yra ta moteris, kuri pati gyvenime rizikavo, bandė, nepasidavė ir pasinaudojusi savo drąsa, sukūrė ne pelno organizaciją "Mergaitės, kurios koduoja", kurios tikslas yra išmokinti merginas programavimo, tokiu būdu jas išmokinant klysti ir vėl bandyti, nebijoti ir siekti savo tikslų nepaisant kitų žmonių nuomonės. Ši seserystė siekia meistriškumo, o ne perfekcionizmo ir tuo pačiu mažina lyčių atskirtį informacinių technologijų srityje, taigi yra svarbi, moteris įgalinanti bendruomenė.
Kažko ypatingai naujo nesužinojau, bet knyga vertinga tuom, kad yra labai motyvuojanti ir skatinanti veikti, neužsigniaužti savo perfekcionizmo iliuzijoje. Autorė skatina būti savimi, labiau pasitikėti savo jėgomis ir mažiau lygintis į kitus, išmokti prašyti kritikos ir priimti ją kaip iššūkį bei padeda atsikratyti stereotipiško "tobulos, gerutės mergaitės" mąstymo. Nes ne viskas turi būti tobula. Gyvenime daug klaidų pridarome, bet reikia klysti ir reikia bandyti iš naujo. Todėl geriau imtis kažko ir veikti, nesiekiant idealumo, nei po to save graužti dėl netinkamai priimto sprendimo.
Tai lengvai skaitoma knyga. Ypač tinka perskaityti paauglėms ir jaunoms merginoms.
Prieš atsiverčiant šią knygą rekomenduoju paklausyti šios autorės TED kalbos, tai leis suprasti apie ką yra ši knyga.
Reshma Saujani- šios knygos autorė, yra ta moteris, kuri pati gyvenime rizikavo, bandė, nepasidavė ir pasinaudojusi savo drąsa, sukūrė ne pelno organizaciją "Mergaitės, kurios koduoja", kurios tikslas yra išmokinti merginas programavimo, tokiu būdu jas išmokinant klysti ir vėl bandyti, nebijoti ir siekti savo tikslų nepaisant kitų žmonių nuomonės. Ši seserystė siekia meistriškumo, o ne perfekcionizmo ir tuo pačiu mažina lyčių atskirtį informacinių technologijų srityje, taigi yra svarbi, moteris įgalinanti bendruomenė.
Kažko ypatingai naujo nesužinojau, bet knyga vertinga tuom, kad yra labai motyvuojanti ir skatinanti veikti, neužsigniaužti savo perfekcionizmo iliuzijoje. Autorė skatina būti savimi, labiau pasitikėti savo jėgomis ir mažiau lygintis į kitus, išmokti prašyti kritikos ir priimti ją kaip iššūkį bei padeda atsikratyti stereotipiško "tobulos, gerutės mergaitės" mąstymo. Nes ne viskas turi būti tobula. Gyvenime daug klaidų pridarome, bet reikia klysti ir reikia bandyti iš naujo. Todėl geriau imtis kažko ir veikti, nesiekiant idealumo, nei po to save graužti dėl netinkamai priimto sprendimo.
Tai lengvai skaitoma knyga. Ypač tinka perskaityti paauglėms ir jaunoms merginoms.
December 18, 2021
Quick review for a quick read. I listened to this short audiobook from the founder and CEO of "Girls Who Code" over the course of a few days. Reshma Saujani does a decent job of explaining why girls/women in the business realm and society at large - especially those in STEM - are held to a standard of perfection based on outdated stereotypes and assumptions. She emphasizes the need to reshape the mindset for girls/women to be "brave, not perfect". It falls in line with some of the same notes she touches base on in her TED Talk, giving practical solutions and reframing in terms of encouraging girls and women to go for what they want. It feels a bit limiting in the fact that it leans into stereotypes that are prevalent in Western society with a cisnormative framing - those who may seek deeper dives beyond a surface scope may not get as much from this book as what it could have been. Still, I did like that Saujani digs into her own experience in her personal and professional life to talk about the standards she was held to and how she worked to overcome her experiences of failure. It's a good read for reframing, for the push to try things that scare you, and for incorporating habits to help motivate you when you do find yourself doubting your abilities and strengths in the face of failure.
I'm glad that I had the chance to pick this short read up - it was just long enough to cover some base explorations on the topic, and I would recommend it for a referential read, though I wish it could have delved even deeper.
Overall score: 3.5/5 stars.
I'm glad that I had the chance to pick this short read up - it was just long enough to cover some base explorations on the topic, and I would recommend it for a referential read, though I wish it could have delved even deeper.
Overall score: 3.5/5 stars.
September 10, 2019
All the stars for this inspirational book! I related to everything in this story, from learning to be polite and too kind, from a young age, to saying sorry when I know I shouldn’t. This is a fantastic book to give you tips on how to become the brave person you know you can be!
A big portion of this book is accepting failure and growing from it. This is something I need to work on everyday. The author gives great personal advice on how she overcame failure (she lost a big political race) and how we can as well.
A must-read in my opinion! Enjoy!
A big portion of this book is accepting failure and growing from it. This is something I need to work on everyday. The author gives great personal advice on how she overcame failure (she lost a big political race) and how we can as well.
A must-read in my opinion! Enjoy!
January 30, 2020
It was a little too liberal feminist for me. Way more f words than I wanted (especially in a self help book). I didn’t finish it feeling inspired or feeling like I had been given tools to change. I will stick with Brene Brown for my “bravery” boost. I think they are both arguing for the same thing, Brene just says it in a way that connects with me better.
March 19, 2019
The author repeated herself a million times and I felt like I was reading the same page all over again. Her entire point could have been explained in way less than 200 pages.
August 24, 2023
This is the book for every girl who was the diligent student getting the best grades, the quiet child playing without making too much of a fuss, and the people-pleasing perfectionist women they have become. We need to learn that perfect is boring and brave is what we want to be!
For some reason, the way this book was written really resonated with me and I recognized myself in way more situations than I have in a very long time in a book. I know that a lot of the ideas have been mentioned before as it comes down to believing in yourself and taking up space, but somehow the way Reshma phrased it, really hit home. I think one thought that's still stuck in my head is that we (and I know I) don't start doing something new unless we know we can be good at it as soon as possible and if we aren't good straight away, then it's easier to skip it all together.
So what are the key learnings:
* Perfection will not help you get ahead. Waiting for the perfect time, perfect day, and perfect hair will just keep you from doing things that you should be doing. Forgot the 'yet'!
* You need to build your bravery muscle by doing small and daily brave acts and those will keep growing (so if you're first instinct is to say no, say yes).
* Strong women support other women to build up their strength and bravery. There is room for all.
How can we do it? This isn't the full list and ideas, but some that stuck with me.
* Take risks. It can be small, it can be big. Challenge yourself to grow. What's the one thing that you're most afraid of that would make a difference in your life? That doesn't mean that you need to leap of that ledge, but you need to start channeling your mindset in the way that you can.
* Celebrate failures, but do not take it as you have failed. Mourn, learn and then move on.
* Give yourself the same advice and follow it as you would tell your friends. For some reason, we encourage others to take the leap, the extra step, but if it comes to us, then we need to be perfect.
I feel that I need to get the physical book to have it as a reminder and highlight the key parts. Reading it doesn't change your life, but it gives you some thoughts to follow and implement, but no one is going to do it for you.
For some reason, the way this book was written really resonated with me and I recognized myself in way more situations than I have in a very long time in a book. I know that a lot of the ideas have been mentioned before as it comes down to believing in yourself and taking up space, but somehow the way Reshma phrased it, really hit home. I think one thought that's still stuck in my head is that we (and I know I) don't start doing something new unless we know we can be good at it as soon as possible and if we aren't good straight away, then it's easier to skip it all together.
So what are the key learnings:
* Perfection will not help you get ahead. Waiting for the perfect time, perfect day, and perfect hair will just keep you from doing things that you should be doing. Forgot the 'yet'!
* You need to build your bravery muscle by doing small and daily brave acts and those will keep growing (so if you're first instinct is to say no, say yes).
* Strong women support other women to build up their strength and bravery. There is room for all.
How can we do it? This isn't the full list and ideas, but some that stuck with me.
* Take risks. It can be small, it can be big. Challenge yourself to grow. What's the one thing that you're most afraid of that would make a difference in your life? That doesn't mean that you need to leap of that ledge, but you need to start channeling your mindset in the way that you can.
* Celebrate failures, but do not take it as you have failed. Mourn, learn and then move on.
* Give yourself the same advice and follow it as you would tell your friends. For some reason, we encourage others to take the leap, the extra step, but if it comes to us, then we need to be perfect.
I feel that I need to get the physical book to have it as a reminder and highlight the key parts. Reading it doesn't change your life, but it gives you some thoughts to follow and implement, but no one is going to do it for you.
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