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Sea Shenanigans #1

Tallulah's Temptation

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Pirate Doug

What in the Chicken of the Sea was I thinking to agree to this half arsed Otherworld Defense Agency mission?

I’m the most absurdly good looking Vampire Pirate of the High Seas. Being on the run for my life is very important work… and a freaking full time job. Defending Mermaids from some vicious Sea Hags is going to cut into my pilfering time.

Unacceptable.

Even though this is a very bad move on my part, I know I’ll eventually agree—too many bounties on my arse to refuse, and the thought of a certain Mermaid makes my roger quite jolly.

However, Tallulah, the leader of the Mystical Isle Pod of Mermaids, isn’t going to be happy to see me… at all. The horrible, sexy, breathtaking woman has been starring in my dreams for too many years to count. Sadly, just when my mind wanders to the really good nookie part, the dream ends with her lopping my Johnson off.

I just hope to Hell and back that the Sea Hags have some outstanding booty to steal. If I’m going to have to regrow my tallywhacker, the treasure had better damned well be worth it.

Tallulah
Running a tourist trap for humans in the Bermuda Triangle had sounded like a fine plan—until it wasn’t. With the Sea Hags gunning for our island and ruining our questionably successful business, I did what any desperate Mermaid would do. I called for backup.

Of course, getting help from the Otherworld Defense Agency is risky as they don’t usually deal with ocean creatures. Whatever. Desperate times call for crappy measures. Chances are they’ll send freaking Pirates. I hate Pirates…

Well, I hate one Pirate in particular.

Hopefully, it won’t be the one seafaring jackhole I despise more than any other. Pirate Doug would be an idiot to show his face here after what he’d done. Not only did the dumbass abscond with our treasure, the son-of-a-bitch took my heart with him as well.

I’ll tear his sorry ass to shreds if he so much as steps even one hairy toe on my island.

134 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 21, 2018

675 people are currently reading
662 people want to read

About the author

Robyn Peterman

89 books3,262 followers



Robyn writes because the people inside her head won’t leave her alone until she gives them life on paper. Her addictions include shoes (the expensive kind), Coke with extra ice in a styrofoam cup, and bejeweled reading glasses.
A former professional actress, she now lives in the south with her family and too many animals to count. Writing gives her a chance to have a job where working in her P.J.’s is acceptable. You can follow Robyn at http://www.robynpeterman.com and at Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Robyn-P....


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Displaying 1 - 30 of 186 reviews
Profile Image for Carly.
302 reviews
April 28, 2019


"Overhead yer Pappy tell you that yer true mate hates yer guts," Upton offered up with a raised brow.
An unfamiliar burst of elation consumed me, but then fear for my manhood outweighed it by a ten ton whale. "Fate couldn't be such an arse to barnacle me to a woman who would just as soon tear my schlong off and throw it to the sharks as warm my bed," I blustered.
My brain told me this was a bad thing, but my roger grew quite jolly at the thought of Tallulah.



Like all the other Robyn Peterman books I've read, this one is absurdly, ridiculously funny. Pirate Doug is a delightful idiot and Tallulah is the Mermaid he slept with, stole everything from, and hightailed it back to sea, over a century ago. Polly/Zolly/Wally was interesting, honestly I pictured Crackers from Archer: Danger Island every time the bird showed up. I gotta say there's not much to tell, because there's not much story. I got a copy for free through a giveaway…maybe in an author newsletter? I'm not sure how I don't remember…regardless this was way shorter than I thought it was going to be. In my instafreebie copy the last 40ish percent is excerpts and reading lists and such. Now, I don't really think the story needs to be any longer. It's ridiculous, and while that ridiculous is funny, it's not super substantial and by the time I was finished reading, I was good. I didn't need it to be longer. On the other hand though, it's highly unlikely I'll be going and getting book two anytime soon, as it looks about the same length. I have a hard time paying $4 for a single solid evening of reading unless I'm absolutely dying to see what happens. Don't get me wrong, I'd like to see what happens with Ariel and I'm almost positive it'll be funny. But at the moment my cheapness is winning out. So maybe someday, in the meantime, enjoy Pirate Doug:


"The search is over, boys" he informed his men as they gave him thumbs up. "I have found her. Upton, we shall not be needing your calculator."
"Aye, Captain," Upton said with a wide grin. "I wish ye congratulations and will pray to Poseidon for the longevity of yer trouser snake."
"I fear for ye nuggets but feel ye have made a fine choice. The She-Devil does indeed hate yer slimey arse. Congratulations, Captain," Bonar said.
"Yer a brave man to risk yer disco stick, but I understand. If the choice were mine to make, I'd make the same. Or at least me pocket rocket would," Thornycraft stated, saluting his Captain.
"What are you buttheads talking about?" I snapped. "Of course he found me, I live here you ignoramuses. You're supposed to help us get the Sea Hags off our backs."
"Piece of cake," Pirate Doug said, looking around at the women who were practically salivating over him.
It was all I could do not to gouge his eyes out. He wasn't supposed to be looking at other Mermaids. He was supposed to be looking at me.
Wait…
No. I didn't want him. I wanted to castrate him. Why should I care who the stupid gorgeous Pirate looked at?
Still, if he hit on anyone other than me, I would twist that pecker protector into a permanent pretzel.
Wait. I didn't want him to hit on me. I wanted the dumbass to help rid us of the Sea Hags and then I wanted him gone. Forever. I had a freakin' tourist trap to run.

~

"I am not your mate. I will never be your mate. I hate your guts."
"Fantastic," he bellowed joyously and winked at his crew.
"What part of my last sentence don't you understand?" I demanded.
"Was all of it in English?"
"Yes," I said wondering how many times he'd been dropped on his head as a child.
"Then I comprehended all of it," Pirate Doug announced with satisfaction. Then his eyes grew wide with terror as he pointed frantically at the sky. "Incoming," he screamed and tackled me to the ground.
"What the what?" I grunted as I shoved him off me and kneed him in the gut.
"Zolly," he wheezed as he tried to put me underneath him. "She's a vicious flying shitter. I'm saving your life."
"No," I growled as I rolled away before he could trap me beneath him again. I would not admit that I actually enjoyed it. "You're trying to kill me."
"Never," he insisted as he swatted at an adorable parrot that clearly didn't like him any more than I did.
"Stop that," I yelled as I gently took the bird in my arms and cuddled her close. "You do not treat animals like that."
Pirate Doug jumped to his feet and stood frozen in his spot. He watched in awed shock as the poor parrot settled herself on my shoulder and nuzzled my cheek with her soft downy head.
"It's not an animal. It's a maniac turdinator with a foul mouth and claws that will shock your balls off," he whispered with real fear in his voice.
His crew's reaction was similar, except they ran back out to the sea and were swimming back to the ship while shrieking like girls.
"What is wrong with you?" I asked. "This is a sweet little thing."
"Pretty Mermaid," the parrot cooed as she stared daggers at the gobsmacked Pirate.


Profile Image for Madison Warner Fairbanks.
3,496 reviews497 followers
April 24, 2020
Tallulah’s Temptation by Robyn Peterman

1st book in the Sea Shenanigans series. Paranormal romantic comedy.
Vampire Pirate Dave accepts an assignment from the Otherworld Defense Agency and finds himself back in the waters of his favorite mermaid, Tallulah tp help fight off the Sea Hogs.

Hilarious and ridiculous. Lots of raunchy and totally silly male pirate comments and female derision. Irreverent.

I was able to alternate between the paperback and audio. The audio version was narrated by Shane East and Amanda Ronconi where primarily they followed the point of view but often overlapped and did voices on both sides. I especially liked Shane as the pirate. Kinda funny.
61 reviews1 follower
June 23, 2018
A long time ago, 2015 to be specific, I bought the first Pirate Doug book. I took a look at it, said “Nah,” filed it away, and never looked at it again. Leap forward to “now.” I got a notification that Robyn Peterman has a new book coming, so without much of a glance I pre-ordered it and it has been delivered. Imagine my surprise and slight disappointment to see Pirate Doug. “Well, since I have it, I'll read it, or at least some of it.” Famous last words?

I opened it. I read it. All of it. Every last word. I laughed my head off!

If you're looking for a book with a great story line, this isn't it. If you are looking for a book with some deep significance, keep looking. But...
If you are looking for a light-hearted, highly entertaining book... a book that will not bog you down nor will it take long to read, then “step right up ladies and gentlemen!” This is your book! It is pure Robyn Peterman in her most blatant style – a little inappropriate in the language and sex department if you are highly sensitive to that but if not, entertaining and FUN! It is full of a pirate, mermaids, sea hags, magic, sex, an offensive parrot, and lots and lots of fun. And there is a story line, it's just light-hearted. As it should be.

Me? I went back and found the first Pirate Doug book and I plan to read it. I think I was too quick to dismiss it.

As always, a solid 5-star rating because it's a 5-star book!
Profile Image for Donna.
1,626 reviews34 followers
January 14, 2019
This book had me literally laughing the entire time. The characters are zany and some a bit clueless. They are a total riot! The story was a bit out there but oh so humorous. I loved all the different types of creatures. Mermaids, vampires, Gods, hags, krakens and more. Overall, a fun and boisterous book that will leave you laughing out loud.
700 reviews1 follower
November 1, 2021
I did not know quite what to think with these mermaids. What I can tell you is it was not what I got. The author has sold me on mermaids. This book is hilarious. We meet pirates, hags, gods, parrots, and so many more characters. It is like several Disney stories all merging into one. I am loving it and am looking forward to reading the next book as well.
Profile Image for Kristine .
1,806 reviews12 followers
June 23, 2018
This is a laugh-out-loud funny, fast-paced story that will surely entertain. The story is light hearted, full of humor, a crazy cast of characters and an interesting story. A great, quick read.
Profile Image for Elisa.
3,234 reviews46 followers
June 25, 2018
Even smelly disgusting Sea Hags deserve love and kindness........... hahahaha

Ok so Robyn Peterman just knows how far to push the boundaries.... Oh what am I saying the author has No boundaries and goes anywhere and everywhere with the story and it is always freakin hilarious, tummy busting, laugh out loud reading, there needs to be a warning 'When Reading in Public, this book may cause you to burst with laughter at inappropriate times' and I should seriously know better than to read one of Robyns awesome books in a Doctors waiting room lol

Such an awesome read.
Profile Image for Laura.
2,557 reviews
June 21, 2018
This is a great book; this is the first book in the Sea Shenanigans series written by Robyn Peterman. This book is so outrageous and hilarious you will not want to put it down. Running a tourist trap for humans in the Bermuda Triangle had sounded like a fine plan—until it wasn’t. With the Sea Hags gunning for our island and ruining our questionably successful business, I did what any desperate Mermaid would do. I called for backup. Of course, getting help from the Otherworld Defense Agency is risky as they don’t usually deal with ocean creatures. Whatever. Desperate times call for crappy measures. Chances are they’ll send freaking Pirates. I hate Pirates… Well, I hate one Pirate in particular. Hopefully, it won’t be the one seafaring jackhole I despise more than any other. Pirate Doug would be an idiot to show his face here after what he’d done. Not only did the dumbass abscond with our treasure, the son-of-a-bitch took my heart with him as well. I’ll tear his sorry ass to shreds if he so much as steps even one hairy toe on my island. This is a great book with a wonderful story and well developed characters. This book will keep you reading long into the night. If you are looking for a great book, then you need to read this book. I am looking forward to reading the next book by this great author.
Profile Image for Rosie Amber.
Author 1 book84 followers
August 11, 2020
3.5 stars

Tallulah and her sisters are being attacked by Sea Hags who want their island and have asked for help. However, when thieving Pirate Doug and his ship come to their rescue, he’s the last person they want to see. A century ago he seduced Tallulah, then stole all her gold and she vowed to castrate him if they ever met again.



This is comedy escapism full of bawdy language and behaviour and borders on being so ridiculous that you may wonder what you have just read. I lost count of the numerous words used to describe ‘Doug’s Pecker’ and its lewd actions. Not a book for those who are uncomfortable with very basic, ribald jargon.

Profile Image for Kelsey | Kipperblossom.
69 reviews1 follower
February 6, 2020
**Read as part of the Galloping Abs book club. Find the podcast review on Podomatic in March!**

I really only give one star to books that I truly can't finish, and this book does actually have some redeeming qualities besides "I was able to finish it." There were some legitimately funny parts. There were a lot of WTF parts. The ending was a surprise and contained many of those WTF parts. Also, please stop using the word "hookers." Just stop.
Profile Image for Susan.
1,173 reviews45 followers
June 21, 2018
She’s done again! Robyn Peterman has successfully created another madcap series! This laugh out loud farce will have you quickly turning the pages! Pirate Doug and his cohorts antics will leave you in tears!
Profile Image for Amy.
2,732 reviews16 followers
March 4, 2020
I listened to the audiobook and the narrators did a good job. This was a quick entertaining fun listen.
Profile Image for Patricia.
1,804 reviews46 followers
June 23, 2018
Welcome to the middle of the Bermuda island and the Mystical island pod of mermaids . Tallulah and her mermaid sisters are trying to stop a sea hag invasion . When she sends out an sos to the OTHER WORLD DEFENSE AGENCY for help . And who do they send but the randiest pirate out there and Tallulah's ex . Will they survive the sea hags and will they actually survive each other .
This is a funny new series that I fell in love with . I have never laughed so hard in my life . Pirate Doug is hilarious a vampire pirate , he is foul mouthed and always has sex on his mind . He is so fun to read , you just either want to sex him up or slap him upside the head with some of the stuff that he comes up with . Tallulah well she is one fierce mermaid . She is a fighter and is sexy as any mermaid is . When they are together , funny ensues . They know they belong together but they have a fun way of getting there . Poseidon makes an appearance in the book . Man he is one drunk fool who loves to mess with his children . I think my favourite character in the book is Polly the offensive parrot . She is more then what she seems . The way she harasses poor Doug is hilarious . She is a poop machine and always aims for Doug in some way . She was a hoot .
This is a laugh out loud book . The author takes us on a fun filled ride . Her characters are well written and you will fall in love with them . I am pretty sure that Pirate Doug is the cousin of Pirate Dave one of the authors other book . I laughed so hard through out the book I actually snorted a few times . These books will be an automatic one click . So if you want to add a funny sexy read this summer . Add this book to your summer reading list . You will not be disappointed .
Profile Image for Nancy Wege.
88 reviews9 followers
June 24, 2018
A hysterical romp through the high seas! Pirate Dave, the most awesome Vampire Pirate in the world, is a wanted man. There are bounties on his head, and plenty of beings want a piece of him – and not in a fun way. The biggest threat is the Gnomes, and when he is offered the chance to wipe that particular debt clean, he takes the deal. How bad could it be? Defend some Mermaids against some Sea Hags? Easy peasy!

Unless…it’s the Mermaid who stole his heart as he stole her fortune 10 years ago. And wouldn’t you know it? Now he must find a way to protect his jolly roger from her revenge, and still manage to help against the Sea Hags. One extra-large cod piece, please!

Tallulah has never stopped thinking about Pirate Dave – mostly because he left her and her sisters nearly destitute. They are running a tourist trap in the Bermuda Triangle, but the Sea Hags are putting a serious dent in the business. When he struts up on her beach, he’s just as handsome as before, just as arrogant, and just as infuriating. She accepts his help reluctantly, because she has her fellow Mermaids to protect. But she has to guard her heart. She won’t be suckered in by his pretty face again. No matter how pretty, and how much he tries to woo her.

Robyn Peterman is one of the best at weaving a fantastical, light-hearted story that keeps you laughing all the way through, and I look forward to seeing where this new series takes us! The action, humor, and romance flow seamlessly through it, and you’ll find yourself rooting for Pirate Dave to win his Mermaid. Another must read!
Profile Image for Marie  Brown (Marie's Tempting Reads).
2,769 reviews56 followers
June 21, 2018
Marie's Tempting Reads ARC Review:

Roybn Peterman pushes the limit for hysterical paranormal romance with her new book, Tallullah's Temptation! I laughed SO FREAKING HARD at times I thought I was going to pee my pants and the chemistry between Tallulah and Pirate Doug was crackling with intense heat. Every turn of the page was filled with LOL moments, plenty of magic, goofy goodness, playful and scorching banter and a plot that just makes you SCREAM for more!

I am REALLY REALLYYYYYYYY loving this new Sea Shenanigans series. I love a good story that can make me laugh and when its coming from Robyn Peterman, you KNOW to expect the hilariously unexpected and its ALWAYS a delight to read! These new characters and underworld adventure is one I can seriously see myself enjoying over and over again throughout the summer and will leave me craving a trip under the sea. I can't wait for Ariel's story!

Tallulah's Temptation gets a DELIGHTFUL FIVE SPARKLING STARS UNDER THE SEA!
Profile Image for Netanella.
4,764 reviews44 followers
September 14, 2019
Robyn Peterman's writing reminds me somewhat of Eve Langlais' writing style. There's a sexual frankness combined with zany humor that seems to add up to a winning combination. Peterman is not afraid to poke fun of her characters. Her world of wonderfully oversexed mermaids (colorful hookers) running a human tourist trap who seek the help of Pirate Doug, the greatest Vampire Pirate of the Seven Seas and heir apparent to Poseidon, is quite simply unique and fun and irresponsibly hilarious. I did find myself laughing out loud a few times reading this book. Granted, some of the antics are a little much, such as Molly/Polly/Wolly's continual pooping habit. However, Pirate Doug, in all his stupendous swagger, is still a sweetheart, and the happy ending, even the family reunion of immortals, was fun and warm. Recommended for those with a funny bone.
Profile Image for Michelle Eriksen.
901 reviews11 followers
June 22, 2018
Seriously people, what's not to love about pirates and mermaids? This story is incredibly silly at times and will probably make you giggle-snort, but what better way to escape the hum-drum, crazy butt world we live in for a couple of hours. Escape to another world where you can have the adventure of a lifetime with Pirate Doug and Tallulah as they save her island from the bad dudes.

This book had me cracking up all the way through and the world of Doug and Tallulah was brought to life before my eyes. I can't wait to read more from this group of mermaids, pirates, sea creatures and the rest of the crazy crew.
38 reviews
June 24, 2018
Every girl needs a Pirate in her life?

Tallulah is a beautiful mermaid who is having a little trouble with some nasty neighbors (violent bunnies, these Sea Hags). So what's a girl to do, but ask for help?
What she wasn't expecting was help to arrive in the form of her ex, a vampire pirate who has never forgotten his love. Even if he had run off with all her treasure many years earlier. Oh dear.
Throw a Parrot into the mix (with a nasty habit of pooping on your head) and you have all the ingredients present for a tale of love, laughter and unexpected surprises this reader was not expecting. Not to be missed.
Profile Image for Wanda.
132 reviews4 followers
June 21, 2018
I can't stop laughing...funny as all get out!

One of the funniest books I've read this year.
Pirate Doug needs his own genre.
I laughed like a hyperventilating hyena.
What can I really say about this book. It's one of those, you just have to read it. It is hysterical!
It's like if Lucy, Melissa McCarty, and Tina Fey said..."hey let's write a book."
Yes. That funny!


Profile Image for Candace.
303 reviews
June 21, 2018
5 Candi Kisses and Some Hi-Seas Hijinks...

Robyn Peterman is the go to author for rip roaring funny stories with absolutely implausible characters and somehow she makes it plausible. Never disappointed with Ms. Peterman hilarious imagination...

**Caution May Cause Snorting and possible Toots....**
Profile Image for Caroline Paquin.
483 reviews19 followers
January 10, 2020
When hilarious is an actual understatement.

A complete must read... but not in public because you might end up laughing so hard at Tallulah's and Pirate Doug's antics (and those of the other characters, too) that it will be mighty embarrassing.

I bloody brilliant book!
Profile Image for Elizabeth.
1,158 reviews1 follower
June 22, 2018
I will never watch Lil Mermaid again the same way without thinking of this book! Absolutely in love with this brand new series❤ Robyn does it again!
1,223 reviews36 followers
June 22, 2018
Pee your pants hilarious! The characters are zany. The story is twisted. The imagination it took to come up with this world is awe inspiring. Grab your copy and broaden your vocabulary!
131 reviews2 followers
June 23, 2018
I laughed so hard that I cried. GREAT book. Everything you ever wanted in a pirate story - and more. A funny book of "mythic" proportions. Can't wait for the next installment in this new series.
Profile Image for Joanne.
182 reviews6 followers
July 4, 2018
OMG this book got me laughing so hard at 2 a.m!! Robyn Peterman did it again!! Its freakin awesome!! Pirate Doug & Tallulah are the best!! I cant wait for the next book already!
Profile Image for Barbie Pomales.
145 reviews19 followers
October 26, 2022
I rarely read PNR but I m glad I picked this one up . Its funny erotic and weird in a good way. I also cant wait to read the rest of the sister's books because they should be as entertaining Tallulah.
Profile Image for Lisa Schuck.
55 reviews2 followers
Read
June 25, 2018
It's not very often I laugh out loud while reading a book, but while reading Tallulah's Temptation, I didn't stop. The dynamic between Pirate Doug (yes Pirate, don't forget that) and Tallulah, of the Mystical Isle Pod of Mermaids, is simply hysterical. They fight, the shout they insult (not easy with Pirate Doug, his a little slow on the pickup lol), they flirt and they fight nasty, stinky Sea Hags (sort of, you'll see). The only thing that surprised me is that they didn't manage to blow up the island (other things though, you'll see).
All I can say is WOW what a great start to another awesome series by Robyn Peterman! I can't wait for the next one, I hope she writes it fast because I am hooked!!!
Profile Image for Hsu Lee.
1,743 reviews9 followers
June 27, 2018
I voluntarily offered to review this book with no obligations and my opinions are honest
The characters + storytelling were very captivating
Pirate Doug has a dilemma.
Save Mermaids or not save mermaids, that is the question.
However, when Tallulah is the one need "saving" then all bets are off.
Now, if only she did not hate his guts.
It does not matter.
I shall woo Tallulah and live happily ever after ( not )
So hilarious!
The storytelling + the character's build were awesome!
It has all the ingredients that you need for a great book!
I can't wait for the next book in the series!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 186 reviews

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