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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

3.84  ·  Rating details ·  154,619 ratings  ·  6,964 reviews
When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power - vodka. You would too if you found out that your boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo or if you had to pretend to be honeymooning with your father in order to upgrade to first class. Welcome to Chelsea's world - a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is th ...more
Hardcover, 264 pages
Published May 1st 2007 by HarperCollins Publishers
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Average rating 3.84  · 
Rating details
 ·  154,619 ratings  ·  6,964 reviews


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Jason
Horrible. Chelsea Lately is a great show, and Chelsea Handler a talented comedian. But this book is bad. A colossal disappointment. The whole crass “shock value” thing wears thin really quickly. I might have laughed a couple of times, but not enough to warrant even a second star.
Cristina Monica
Nov 30, 2018 rated it liked it
Shelves: humor, memoir
Submitted three essays and completed one test yesterday so I read this book to reward myself.
Kelly (and the Book Boar)
Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/

I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID A DNF!!!! Mind you, it was an audiobook of a physical book I had already read, but hey I had to start somewhere, right? So now you might be wondering how in the eff am I managing to 1 Star something I 4 Starred in the past. Welllllll, lemme tell ya . . . . .



Chelsea Handler has a voice that I want to punch right in the throat. I convinced myself I could get past it and the funny would outweigh the fingerna
...more
Monique
Mar 13, 2009 rated it really liked it
Cutting edge, funny sexy stories. Having seen Chelsea doing stand up and on Girls Behaving Badly, I was anxious to see how her wicked sarcastic wit would translate into text. It's fantastic! A seriously gifted writer, who combines funny and raunchy better than any woman.

I mean wild, hilarious and uninhibited story telling. And it's not just the sheer ridiculous situations she encounters. She reflects about her mindless journeys and the meaning of life in such an amusing, self-deprecating cynical
...more
Dan
Oct 08, 2009 rated it did not like it
This sort of book and the positive outpouring for it make me really feel like I must have missed the boat somewhere in the last couple decades of culture or something. Maybe it is that I have never seen Handler's stand-up and came to this book expecting something a little bit different. Perhaps Handler's shtick is that she is merely making a tongue-in-cheek imitation of the cliche "mean girl" that we all know from our high school days. But without being let in on the charade, I found connecting ...more
Leah
May 14, 2008 rated it it was ok
Recommends it for: those looking for a light, entertaining read
Admittedly, I don't usually read books like this, but found Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea to be an overall entertaining collection. The first four essays were, far and away, the 'best' in the collection. Until reading this book, I had no familiarity with Handler.

Totally underwhelming and inconsistently hilarious. Admittedly, the parts that were funny really were fantastic. However, Chelsea Handler glosses over and re-arranges life events in order to align them just so - and thusly make
...more
Alexis
Apr 29, 2008 rated it really liked it
Ah Chelsea, Hilarious. Read this on the plane ride back from atlanta. She never disappoints and I'm certain i annoyed rows 18 and 20 of Airtran Flight 176, and possibly rows 17 and 21 at certain points in the book with my laughter. Would recommend it to anyone :)
Gonzalo Urrutia
Jul 23, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: nonfiction
Chelsea Handler just might be the most obnoxious, dumb smart person ever. Yet this book was hilarious, and I couldn't read it fast enough. Sometimes that's all it takes for something to be considered good.
Lyndsey
Dec 11, 2010 rated it really liked it
Buhwahahaha! This woman is easily the funniest woman in the entertainment industry. Yes, she's rude and crude, and definitely not for the prude. But I just can't help it. I love her. She brings out the evil maniacal laugh in me, if case you didn't already notice.

Since her other book is entitled "My Horizontal Life : A Collection of One-Night Stands", you can be fairly certain this book will also include sexual content as well as a lot of adult language. So if those make you uncomfortable, don't
...more
Melanie
3 stars for me. I listened to this on audio and like my GR friend Kelly stated, Chelsea's voice can be a bit much. Also, did all of these things truly happen? Some of them seem a bit over the top and maybe a bit embellished to make a better story?!? I think calling her dad "bitch tits" is bad. It just sounds stupid to me.

There were quite a few times when I laughed out loud though. I am certainly not opposed to reading more of her stories. I used to watch her show on tv and I wonder if any of he
...more
Judy
Feb 02, 2009 rated it really liked it
What was I thinking when I put this book on my list of audios that I wanted my audioflix service to send me? Oh well, give it a try, I thought, as I slid the first disk into the proper slot in the minivan. Well, I'm glad that I still have my lightening reflexes and battle tested driving skills because I was careening down the interstate laughing out loud at this book while going 80 miles per hour (and you thought that driving while talking on the telephone was dangerous). Chelsea Handler picks s ...more
Sheri
Sep 02, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: reviewed
Chelsea Handler's uninhibited storytelling and vulgar sense of humor make for a fun read. She has a gift for storytelling that will keep you laughing through each unbelievable and sometimes embarrassing real-life journey. This book is full of good, inappropriate fun. If you offend easily, you probably should not read it. Otherwise, have a good laugh!
Colleen Scidmore
This is the first book I've ever read by Chelsea. I obviously know who she is, I do not live under a rock, but I've never see any of her shows, her routines or even realized she was on Girls Behaving Badly. I've seen clips of her here and there and thought that she was pretty funny and that Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea looked like an entertaining book. And I was right it was definitely entertaining!

Where to start with this book?! It was so wrong on so many levels but oh so funny! I mean
...more
Allison
Jan 01, 2009 rated it liked it
Are you there Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea

Everything about this book is clever, starting with the title. To any Judy Blume fan, the parody is obvious, but even the less-informed reader (to whom I will now impart the title of Blume’s novel, Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret) would find this title an apt one. Are you there Vodka? chronicles Chelsea Handler’s sexual antics across all realms, from weddings, to summer flings, to family vacations, and while the men (and midgets…) vary widely, one factor
...more
Robyn
Oct 26, 2011 rated it did not like it
Before I say anything regarding my rating of this book, it needs to be said how much I love Chelsea Handler. I love Chelsea Lately, and I love her standup routines. She is a spunky, hilarious individual, and I have always admired her for that. I was really excited to read this book, because so many of my friends have enjoyed it and because I am a Chelsea enthusiast. Unfortunately, this book didn't do anything for me. Sure, the anecdotes were funny at times, but I think I would have received them ...more
Alexis
Jan 10, 2008 rated it really liked it
This book was just as much fun as Handler's first but possibly darker. Not that she got meaner or grosser but in this book I was often wondering, since for the most part, Handler does seem to actually wish to not overtly hurt anyone's feelings, how obvious it was to the people discussed that they were subjects. Some of them seemed to deserve it but nonetheless, this newer book seemed meaner. Handler has fantastic stories- I don't care if she has made them all up. I think her books are being mark ...more
Caroline
Apr 23, 2008 rated it it was amazing
This woman deserves the nobel prize. It's just not fair that we all don't have the talent and intelligence to make everyone laugh this hard for 2 hours straight. The world would be a better place. I couldn't put it down. My favorite story was her midget fetish- oh wait sorry, "healthy obsession". Dude that's just so far over the line that she erased the line.
Sara
Mar 20, 2017 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: humor
Ah, I had high hopes for this book. I mean, for crying out loud, it has VODKA in the title! When I first heard about it, I thought I'd need to go hunt down a copy, but then life intervened. So - how many years later? Six? I finally decided to just do it - just get this book and read it.

Little did I know I'd actually have to be DRINKING vodka to appreciate this book.

Unfortunately, I read this book stone cold sober.

First of all, I barely know who Chelsea Handler is. I mean, that's crazy, right? I
...more
Cooksonmom
Aug 10, 2008 rated it it was ok
Shelves: mybooks
Okay, I sent this back to the library...half way through. It started to collect dust and when it was reading time, I just didn't want to pick it up. The library was begging for it back and I figured after 7 weeks, I wasn't going to finish it. I got this book because Chelsea's show is funny and sometimes outrageous. I wanted to know more about her, but it is so couched in comedy(what did I expect, right?) that it's mildly disappointing. I liked the book (at least the half I read), it's funny, how ...more
Kevin
Dec 21, 2008 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: sony
I agree with Michelle...crude and lewd but hilarious. Chelsea Handler is like Dennis Miller. Very funny...not for the faint of heart.
N
Feb 03, 2009 rated it liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
I’d read quite a few 5-star reviews of this book and when, after the first chapter, it didn’t immediately grab me, I decided I would be contrary and choose to hate it. Luckily, I found a lot more to like beyond the first chapter, so I can put aside my contrarian impulses and say I found it an enjoyable read.

Vodka takes the form of a series of anecdotes from Handler’s life, encompassing friendships, relationships and, notably, alcohol. The first chapter, in which a 9-year-old Chelsea tells her en
...more
Jill
Jan 29, 2008 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone who has a sense of humor about sex, dumb people, drugs & family.
Recommended to Jill by: Entertainment Weekly and Jen Meyer
Yes please.

I started this because I need something to laugh at. I was sitting at my desk this morning just laughing out loud and generally annoying my co-workers. They're just jealous that I can listen to my ipod in the morning while they have to count money.

So far my favorite line of hers is something like, "Today I got my first DWI. I've only had one, but I don't want to rule anything out." Not that DWIs are funny. Well, in this case, they are.

I'm a bad person.

*********

This book is frigging am
...more
Becky
Chelsea Handler is... raucous. That's the best term I have for her. She's just too much. Her stories can be hilarious, but they seem ridiculous, over the top, try-hard. It's like she was like "What's funny? I know, vaginas! Well I'll dye mine purple, and then make it burp the national anthem... in pig latin! That's SUPER-funny!"

Sure... I guess. I laughed, but I think things are funnier when they are less LOOK-AT-ME, more of a dry, sarcastic wit. There was that too, but... *shrug*

Some of her sto
...more
Aly
Sep 19, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: audiobook, 2019
Okay, this was pretty funny. I'm not a huge Chelsea Handler fan, but I definitely laughed out loud more than once while listening to this. The book is an autobiography I guess, assuming all the ridiculous stories are true, that highlights parts of Chelsea's life. Being in elementary school and lying about acting with Goldie Hawn, going on her first book tour, and meeting a midget who looks just like her are some of the hilarious parts of the story. I'm glad I listened to this because Chelsea nar ...more
Betsy
Jan 22, 2020 rated it really liked it
I have never watched Chelsea Handler's show, but she had me laughing several times throughout the book. Several times throughout the book, I found myself cringing with secondhand embarrassment and outwardly laughing at her comedic timing. From the beginning of the book, Handler establishes herself as a compulsive liar, so I assume that several of her stories are not *entirely* true. She's brazen, hilarious, and probably a tad crazy, and her ability to weave stories out of every day life made for ...more
Tressa
Jun 26, 2008 rated it did not like it
Recommends it for: nobody
Shelves: humor
I enjoyed Chelsea Handler's first book, My Horizontal Life. It was self-deprecatingly funny, and I imagined that a lot of the things that happened in the book actually happened to Ms. Handler.

Her new book is over-the-top and unflattering to her family. She could learn something from David Sedaris and other humorist writers about how to write about one's family and life with some wit and subtlety.

And jokes about race and abortion are just not my cup of tea.

What a disappointment.
Tracy
Feb 17, 2015 rated it it was amazing
This is the funniest book I have listened to in a really long time. To say Handler has a funny bone is putting it mildly. I was cracking up so hard and loud people glared at me. Seriously, glared.

Handler has taken bits of her life or someone's life and made an amazing story out of it. I only wish I had her other books now. Alas, I'm on that eternal hold list at the library. If you need a good laugh I would definitely recommend Handler!
Colleen
Aug 22, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
My mother is European and likes to remind us of that every time any of us ask her when she took her last shower.
Lena
Jul 02, 2008 rated it liked it
Shelves: humor
I picked up this copy of Chelsea Handler’s humor memoir because I thought the title was hilarious. The rest of the book did not disappoint.

Handler is an LA-based stand-up comic who has written a collection of personal essays about random events from her life. In the first piece—in which she convinces her entire grade school that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the non-existent Private Benjamin 2—she comes across as so over the top I felt like I was reading more of a written
...more
Jill
Feb 26, 2019 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: memoir, humor
I've always been a fan of Chelsea Handler's dry humor, but this was just "eh" to me. There were some funny moments where I laughed out loud, but most of it kinda fell flat for me. She also has a lot of "messed up" jokes, like about rape and little people that I was uncomfortable with. I listened to this on audio, which I recommend since it's read by Chelsea and a lot of the jokes are all about the delivery. You can skip it though.
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Lara's best review ever. 1 31 Nov 02, 2011 09:21PM  

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Chelsea Handler has become one of entertainment’s most sought after and versatile rising stars. In July 2007, Chelsea broke into the world of late-night talk shows with her E! Entertainment series, Chelsea Lately (airing weeknights at 11:00 p.m.). Consistently the network’s highest-rated program, Chelsea Lately offers a tongue-in-cheek look at entertainment news, celebrity truths, and rumors that ...more

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