Where do I begin? (said lovingly)
First off, thank you a million times over to Natalia for this ARC. I ride hard for Natalia AND her books, and this book reminded me of why I loved her writing in the first place.
Though tamer in spice than her Trick series (for fairness, I'm comparing it to Trick which felt like it had more spice than Touch did but I could be wrong), this book goes HARD. Say what you want about Natalia Jaster (and they better be nice, or constructive, words or I'll find you!!!), but Natalia Jaster can write a gooooood smut scene. That's what initially drew me to Natalia's book was just how fucking good she was at writing a kiss scene (the first one in Trick.... iykyk!!!) Natalia knows what we want and ALWAYS (and I do mean ALWAYS) delivers. Case in point: the last Merry POV chapter we get is a sex scene when the book could've EASILY ended on the Anger's POV the chapter prior. I remember getting to the last line of Anger's last chapter and *knowing* it was going to end, but I wished I had just ONE more scene of them together. I should've known that Natalia is one of us, and treats her readers better than that! Their last scene together was so heartwrenchingly beautiful and intimate. It really ended the book well. It felt like a true full-circle moment.
Natalia is just a good writer. I don't have other words to describe how Natalia is as an author. I'm glad that writing is her craft. She has a knack for creating stories that make the world disappear, and the hours turn into mere seconds. As an example, I read this book in one sitting which isn't usual for me. Something about me is that I'm very, very, very picky with what books I read. It takes a few chapters into a book for me to know if I'm going to painfully get through it, enjoy it, or have to DNF it. I rarely stray from my gut feeling. It takes a lot for me to change my thoughts from bad --> good when reading a book, so when I find one I love, I cherish it as much as I can. While reading, I seriously debated waiting until the next day to finish it because I wanted to badly to stay with Anger and Merry, but the story was so tempting, I had to finish it.
Natalia's writing/characters have a knack for just hitting home. I remember sitting on my couch reading and only thinking "This is what reading is supposed to feel like." Basically, I felt like reading felt good again. As I have established, I am a very fickle mood reader and can often be hard to please. Because I am a mood reader, I can be charmed by a cozy fantasy or want something high-stakes, who knows? I say that just to impress upon you how much this book reminded me of simpler times when reading just felt good . Great, even. Fantastic, one might say. It felt like coming home to see your family after a long solo vacation away.
There is such a beauty in Natalia's writing. Natalia did a GREAT job with infusing literal and subtle influences of the Icarus myth into Anger. If I was an English teacher in high school and it was appropriate to have this book in my class, I cold wax poetic about the symbolism of the sun and **THAT SCENE AT THE END YOU KNOW THE ONE** and how there are elements of her future books that are woven so excellently (peep Malice and his pomegranates or how he compares himself to Hades...he literally says "At least think mythical, not biblical. Think, Hades.") into the text. A good writer gives you all the tools you need to make a decision and guides you there. A GREAT writer does all the above, but lets the work speak for them. Natalia lays out the groundwork so well that you don't need to work hard to find the symbolism of her work. When you see it, it makes reading that more fun--like Hansel and Gretel with the breadcrumbs. The crumbs lead you to only one obvious place, and you don't see it coming either. Now, unlike Hansel and Gretel, there will be no death or destruction (well... maybe some destruction), just a really good story welcoming you with open arms!
Another part of this book that was really well-suited to someone like me was the pacing. While going through my DM's with Natalia trying to find my thoughts, I came across a picture I sent her when I reached chapter 28. This review is spoiler-free so I'm not going to say what happens in chapter 28 (but iykyk), but it could very easily have been a moment that ruined the pacing of the entire novel. It didn't (obviously not). Yet, when I saw what happened in chapter 28 after finishing the book, I remember thinking in the moment that ch. 28 was where the story met its climax and would then begin to decline. I was, again, obviously wrong (this book has about 40-ish chapters). What a beautiful part of art, for an author to be able to craft a journey that surprises a reader in such a positive and endearing way! Not many can do that.
Now time for the characters. Damn, I loved Merry and Anger. I DM'ed Natalia and said how I wished for one of those motorcycle additions where a third person can ride because I want to go to the carnival with those two :( Their story was one of choice, and beautifully told. I wish I had the lexicon Natalia has to describe their romance, but I am but a mere human who is exhausted at 11pm but who has to write this review before she forgets everything (!!!). All that you need to know is that it's beautiful, full of pleading and begging (both positive and not!), and such a lovely connection. Their relationship was raw and honest, and their fights felt real and believable. There is so much beauty in the way Anger would burn the world for Merry, and she in return.
Now, for Merry. I really liked her. You can immediately tell it's grumpy/sunshine, and I usually stay away from those types of books as I often see the sunshine character as too annoying or overly optimistic. I'll admit, I was worried that I would struggle with Merry's character but I absolutely did not. She's fierce, loyal, and yet, prone to dramatics and flair, but she was definitely not annoying. She stands for justice and equity (shouldn't we all), and would die for the ones she loves. She's hopeful in the best ways. I found Merry's dramatics to be quite fun and a breath of fresh air when the novel heated up action-wise. She's just a funny character who loves and cares deeply. She is a bona fide optimist, but again, not in a preachy, annoying way. She takes absolutely no shit from anyone and is NOT afraid to make you grovel. Also, she's low-key a dommy mommy and we don't see many of those represented in fantasy books (YES they exist, but not as much as they should!!). I'm absolutely here for her telling Anger EXACTLY what he can do to her as much as I'm absolutely here for Anger listening to Merry and asking!! Consent is sexy! Merry's care for others and selflessness truly knows no bounds. The ending speaks for itself.
For Anger. I loved his character arc. I really, really enjoyed reading about his journey. He, like Merry, cares very deeply, but is scared of showing it. Male characters can be hard to write, but Natalia just has a way with words!!! Angry male characters are also hard to write because you don't want to make them too standoffish and their anger has to be justified, but they also can't be too mean to the FMC or unlikeable. Writers of grumpy MMC's deserve a salute, because that type of character trait can't be easy. However, I never once felt like Anger was unlikable or too much. In fact, I loved him more for it. When he and Merry fight, it opens wounds for him and you get a glimpse into his life and what made it so difficult. Now, we as the readers know that, but Merry doesn't (at the time). Once you know more about his background, his actions have more of an impact.
ALSO, the side characters/arc they contribute to the overall story. While this is technically a standalone as in you can read this but not the other books, you really shouldn't. Natalia is setting the stage for an incredible story (can't wait to see it all come to a head with Envy and Sorrow) that will culminate in what is seeming to be an epic battle. I was wondering how she would tie it up as I got to the end of Touch, but knowing that this is it's own little series, it makes sense. And going in with that knowledge makes this read sweeter because you get to collect a cast of found family along the way to a brutal climax. It's like bringing your new friends along with you for a ride! But shoutout to this quote (another example of how Natalia is just GOOD at words) "So these are the side effects of love: envy, sorrow, and anger." THIS QUOTE HITS WHEN YOU KNOW THE CONTEXT OKAY.
All in all, this book was incredible. Here are some of my favorite quotes and unhinged reactions to them!!
"Enough with the fuckingS riddle...I'm just Anger." "Of course you are. And I'm just Merry." His pupils blaze like candlewicks. "You are not just anything." UGH ARE WE SO SERIOUS RIGHT NOW
"Go ahead and tease like a g-ddess." "Go ahead and take it like a g-d." PLEASE
"Perhaps I will demonstrate heat to you one day. Provided you behave yourself." I'M SAT.
"Grabe the bars." SWOON CLOSELY FOLLOWED UP WITH MERRY SAYING "You like facts? Here's one: My home. My rules...Grab the headboard" NOW THIS IS GOOD SHIT.
"Do you think I might learn how to be tender? How to be affectionate for your liking?" ARE WE FOR REAL
"She loves him. Somehow, by some miracle, this g-ddess has found him worthy of that almighty emotion. This feeling. This is what it means to reach the sun. This is the truest of powers." THE ENGLISH TEACHER IN ME IS LITERALLY SCREAMING AT ALL THE KIDS TO TAKE FUCKING NOTES OF THE SYMBOLISM!!!!
"Never do that again." "As you wish...only for you will I burn to cinders." "Is that a promise?" "It's a fucking vow." JAIL!