Hope for the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed

by Gary Chapman

"Separation places you in an arena in which you can develop a new understanding of yourself and your spouse. Separation is not necessarily the beginning of the end. It may be only the beginning! Gary Chapman believes that the biblical ideal for a separated couple calls for reconciliation. If you are separated, you may not feel like reconciling. You may not see hope for a reunion. But through small, simple steps, Dr. Chapman shows that you may be able to achieve reconciliation with your mate. He deals with the question of dating while separated, how to relate to your children during this time, and ways to improve communication. Assignments are given to encourage growth both as individuals and as a couple. A practical book for both the separated husband and wife.

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Christian, Self Help, Psychology, Christian Non Fiction, Audiobook

119 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1982

About the author

Gary Chapman, Ph.D.—author, speaker, and counselor—has a passion for people, and for helping them form lasting relationships.

Chapman is a well-known marriage counselor and director of marriage seminars. The 5 Love Languages® is one of Chapman’s most popular titles, topping various bestseller charts for years, selling over twenty million copies and has been on the New York Times bestsellers list since 2007. Chapman has been directly involved in real-life family counseling since the beginning of his ministry years, and his nationally syndicated radio programs air on Moody Radio Network and over 400 affiliate stations.

Reviews

[PollyAnna Joy]

As one who has recently decided to separate from her husband, I found this book to be well worth the read. There are a few things in the book that upset me enough to send me into a depression, though. for a book that's supposed to be about HOPE, it's odd that I spiraled into depression rather than felt uplifted.

I spoke with my counselor regarding some of the things that upset me and she said that I have to weed out what's worth reading from what IS in a book like this. An author like Gary Chapman knows what he's doing, but at the same time, ever situation is different and it's impossible to cover EVERY different type of situation in such a book.

There is a lot of reassurance and a reminder that I do need to stay the course....it is an act of love forcing my husband and I to have a better marriage---a marriage that truly honors God rather than just a marriage where he's here and I'm here and that's all.

Pray for my husband and I........I haven't given up hope...

[Gina]

It is a book written from the biblic perspective. It answers to the question "What should I do, being a christian (in case of separation from husband/wife)"?. The book gives also some good advice, from psichological point of view, but it is excesively religious.

[Anna]

My husband and I have been separated for about a month, and this book was extremely helpful in figuring out what to do from here.

[Andy Bigley]

Dr Chapman continues to impress. He walks the reader through the twists and turns of separation, offering solid and do-able advice, no matter the reader’s background: gender, years married, time separated, whether one or both spouses want to rebirth the marriage, etc. His point-of-view that a reconciliation is not an attempt to fix what’s wrong is refreshing; rather it’s a rebirth, a new marriage. That perspective offers hope, especially to couples that are exhausted and demoralized of the same broken patterns that got them to the separation to begin with. The fact that there is a chance to get out of the ruts of old and find a satisfying relationship with an ‘old’ spouse, even when love has seemingly left the picture, is well worth the reading time investment. Examples of reconciling couples are provided; some occur quickly while others have taken years (have patience!). Finally, even if reconciliation doesn’t occur, the reader will learn it’s possible to end the relationship with dignity and character intact, knowing that she/he did everything possible to pull things together and treated her/his spouse with respect, kindness, and love even if seemingly unwarranted. Hang in there!

[Abby]

"Happiness is a unique commodity. It is never found by the person shopping for it. You may search the shelves of the whole world and never find it at any price. Lonely men and women in every age have grumbled and complained at the futility of their search for happiness. Genuine happiness is the by-product of making someone else happy. Do not the scriptures say "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

[Mike Shaub]

One of the best books I've ever read

[Mark Taylor]

Concise, sensitive, practical, and helpful book for people in a tough place.

[Mindy Morgan]

Super helpful for people going through separation in marriage. Good, honest, Godly advice.

[Michael Mack]

I read this and several other books on the topic in the midst of separation from my wife, a time that felt hopeless. This was the most helpful for me; it kept me heading down the right path even when I didn't feel like it. Another reviewer commented that this book helped her fall into depression; I can see how that could happen, because Chapman doesn't hold back from speaking truth to those in this painful situation. That truth can cause even more pain. But I believe Chapman has spoken the truth lovingly and with the reader's ultimately best interests in mind.

I believe this book as well as Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved: 12 Truths for Rescuing Your Relationship by Joe and Beth Williams (see my review on this book), played large roles in helping our marriage to be healed and saved. My wife and I are not only back together, we are closer than ever before and our marriage is growing stronger each day. I highly recommend it with one caveat: be sure to humble yourself as you read. A great marriage takes lots of humility!

[Stephanie]

The exercises presented in this book present the reader with an excellent self-examination. If you are thinking of separated or are in a separation, this book is a must read. You are only accountable for your decisions and your actions. You cannot control your spouse's behavior. Use this book as a guide to navigate. This difficult season with God's grace.

[Kim Voss]

For those who have a difficult time with hope, this book leaves you feeling hopeful, even when your marriage crumbles.

[Dolly]

His other books are better.

[Briana Ford]

A step-by-step process of coping with separation, as well as what to do when that time comes and if it doesn't come. Great advice and good assignments.

[Brenda]

Good for bits and pieces, but a little too heavy on the faith aspect.