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Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication

4.50  ·  Rating details ·  113 ratings  ·  33 reviews
How to speak and listen more effectively--to communicate mindfully and improve all relationships--based on the author's unique synthesis of mindfulness practice combined with the principles of nonviolent communication.

Communication is hard. Here's a proven method that makes it not only considerably easier, but also much more effective for people on both sides of the conver
Paperback, 272 pages
Published December 11th 2018 by Shambhala
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4.50  · 
Rating details
 ·  113 ratings  ·  33 reviews

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Genevieve Trono
Nov 17, 2018 rated it it was amazing
What we say matters. This book came at a great time for me and was a powerful read of helpful advice based on the mindfulness practice, to have more positive communication. Words can heal, sooth or uplift us and they can also cause great harm.

Mindfulness is being aware of what is happening in the present moment in a balanced and non-reactive way. In order to connect mindfulness to your daily communication Sofer recommendations following these three basic guidelines...

1. Lead with presence.
2. Co
Jan 06, 2019 rated it it was amazing

"Say What You Mean" is an excellent resource for anyone interested in learning how to authentically connect and communicate with ease and clarity.

I loved it! I have dog-eared many pages and underlined numerous sections. There are also 12 free guided audio meditations that I use to support my daily practice. It is a book that I will go back to again and again.

Feb 12, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This brilliant book opens with a perfect analogy: “Communicating is a bit like learning an instrument. Playing scales is essential, but the aim is to make music.” I smiled and entered the book with an eagerness that’s often lacking when I read other books that prescribe a rigid list of rules and “shall nots.” Sofer encourages readers to use this book as a field guide, to try the suggestions and see how they work, and to start small, in low-stakes situations. Fluent, open communication develops w ...more
Aug 12, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This is a powerful, yet practical book that combines the practice of mindfulness with the methodologies of nonviolent communication as taught by Marshall Rosenberg, along with Somatic Experiencing as taught by Peter Levine. Each of these is effective and powerful and it’s own right, but this author weaves them together to for. Something new and transformative. He breaks the process down into three steps:
1. Lead with presence.
2. Come from curiosity and care.
3. Focus on what matters.

Each section
Margo Kelly
Jan 31, 2019 rated it it was amazing
The topic of communication fascinates me. Whether between two people in an intimate one-on-one conversation or between a professional speaker and her audience, effective communication is both a skill that can be learned and an art that can be mastered. So when I was asked to review the new book, Say What You Mean, by Oren Jay Sofer, I jumped at the opportunity.

And. Wow.

Say What You Mean, by Oren Jay Sofer, captured my attention on the first page and kept hold until the final page.

Before digging
Paddy Alister
Dec 12, 2018 rated it it was amazing
What a joy it has been to explore and read this book. I'm a therapist who works with families and am constantly thinking about and working on my own ability to communicate. No other book I've read has helped me with this as much as this book has. He breaks down the basics and supports you with concrete practices you can easily do as well as guided meditations that help you deepen into understanding your own habits around communication. I plan on keeping this book on my shelf so the next time som ...more
David Goldman
Feb 15, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: business
When I read that this book applied mindful practice to communication skills I was worried that it would a metaphysical junk. I was wrong. This books takes a very practical approach to mindfulness with some common sense approach to improving communications. The book is filled with practices and examples that I use daily.
Adrian Clark
Mar 02, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition

I can’t recommend this book highly enough. It’s so much more than the superficial techniques described in most communication books; I have a sense that what I’ve learned is truly significant in a life-altering and relationship-changing way. As both a physician and a warden (RD) of a university residence hall, communication is central to everything I do and I have read many texts, exploring communication, feedback, and conversation from varied perspectives. This is the best. I will re-read
Miriam Downey
Dec 11, 2018 rated it really liked it
Read my full review here: https://mimi-cyberlibrarian.blogspot....

Here is a brief summary of Say What You Mean by Oren Sofer.

We spend so much of our lives talking to each other, but how much are we simply running on automatic—relying on old habits and hoping for the best? Are we able to truly hear others and speak our mind in a clear and kind way, without needing to get defensive or go on the attack? In this groundbreaking synthesis of mindfulness, somatics, and Nonviolent Communication, Oren Ja
Chris Lizama
Dec 11, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I really enjoyed this book. My background has mostly been in mindfulness and until now I didn't know much about different communication strategies. I thought this book was going to be just mindful communication but it also integrates a school of thought called Non-Violent Communication, a system created by Marshall Rosenberg.

The book is a good mix of stories, theory, and practices to try out at home. It felt like I took a class with Oren while reading the book. One of my main takeaways has been
This is one powerful book! I found it full of very helpful, relevant advice aimed at improving communications of all kinds. It is not a book to be read quickly; if you do so, you will miss the opportunity to absorb what is being said and you won't be able to apply the principles successfully.

This book happened to come to me at a time when a treasured relationship had become rife with hurt and misunderstandings. Interactions were difficult for fear of saying the wrong thing, or in the wrong way.
Gloria Breton
Dec 13, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I have just recently finished reading this book and have found it to be inspiring, engaging and practical. With Oren's background in mindfulness, non-violent communication and somatic experiencing, he brings both a breadth and depth of knowledge to the subject of effective communication skills. I found lessons on listening, be present, the identification of feelings and needs, and mindfully grounding myself before, during and following communication in all areas of my life to be invaluable tools ...more
Mar 10, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Best resource available on communication.

This very well may be the best resource available to develop better communication skills in relationships. If you are interested in learning about this subject this book will be an invaluable resource. It provides a nice balance of theoretical background and practical applications. The only possible criticism I can see with this book is its length. If one is not keenly interested in the subject material it would be easy to shy away from reading the book
Meghan Burke
Jan 14, 2019 rated it really liked it
3.5 stars? I know of Sofer from his work in the Buddhist/meditation community and with this book release I think he was on 3-4 different podcasts in my feed recently. I also really struggle to communicate effectively in moments of conflict or when I need to self-advocate, relying too often on habits that no longer serve me, and so I was hungry for some strategies. There is a lot I liked about this book -the core wisdom resonates with me and it was readable and useful. I just wasn’t wowed by it, ...more
Jori Hume
Dec 28, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: All humans who use words to communicate
This book will not end up in that stack on your night stand.
My copy is marked with color-coded post-its and dog-eared pages. Not only will it help readers understand "what went wrong" in trouble communication of the past, but it will help you build awareness, understanding, and better habits for more successful communication of the future. Sofer is expert at blending mindfulness with interpersonal communication, then applying it to real-world scenarios. I am so grateful for this tool. I wish I
Dec 15, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Love this deep book about mindful communication. It has practices, practical tips, real life examples, and so much more!
I cannot emphasize enough the value in the practice sessions. The writing style is also so clear and well thought out. I have tried these techniques of Oren’s multiple times and have had great success.

Get the book. You won’t regret it!
Eileen Spillane
Apr 12, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Brilliant! By far one of the best and most practical books on communication out there. Oren combines NVC with a strong mindfulness background and organizes the book to highlight key points. I try to be a minimalist and read library books but I’m actually going to buy this one to keep as a resource. It’s the kind of book to read over and over because communication isn’t always so effortless.
Apr 10, 2019 rated it it was ok
I didn't actually finish this. I wanted to like it, but I couldn't get it to it enough to keep momentum. I don't necessarily think that it wasn't good, it maybe just wasn't the right time for me to read it.
Cynthia Hart
Mar 14, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Brilliant teacher and book. Easy to read, engaging and follow. Incorporates NVC, mindfulness, presence, empathy, somatic awareness, and embracing feeling as foundations for skillful communications filled with authenticity and heart.
Chris Duprey
Dec 22, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Probably the best book on communication I’ve read. Oren takes us through the tools we need to mindfully communicate. Throughout the book there are practical exercises and meditations to help reinforce the principles discussed.

A must read.
Dec 27, 2018 rated it really liked it
If you want to try understand how your words or lack of words can transform your conversations this book is for you. In a world of political correctness and technology distractions, this book helps you navigate the waters of communication. Well thought out and laid out for all readers.
Laura Kelley
Feb 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book is transformative. I am so grateful for Oren Jay Sofer’s insight.
Mar 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is a really helpful book to learn more about how to communicate with empathy and compassion. I love it!
Simone Ayoubkhan
Mar 06, 2019 rated it really liked it
Lots of great info and clearly written. It was a slow read for me because of the nature of the material.
Igor Mandrigin
Jan 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
The book is very practical. It is not one that you just skim through, there are exercises here and there, you can stop and actually do them. Love it!
Shari Hardinger
Mar 02, 2019 rated it it was amazing
If you think the way you communicate works, chances are you could still learn more from this book.
Dec 19, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Outstanding! More of a review to follow soon!
Freeman Griffin
Nov 21, 2018 rated it really liked it
For the most part I loved this book (: Oren Jay Sofer writes clearly, helps the reader navigate through each exercise, uses concrete personal experiences to illustrate his ideas, and is especially helpful with a "Questions & Answers" ending to each chapter, which helps us to better understand the concepts he is presenting to us.

I was very upset by his use of a quote from former President - and war criminal - Barack Obama. The quote itself was fine, the problem is the hypocrisy. President Ob
Literary Soirée
Aug 17, 2018 rated it it was amazing
“Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication” by Oren Jay Sofer is a book I’ve long needed to read, as my hubby says I can “never land the plane” when I’m speaking to him! I’m so glad I found this incredibly helpful guide for improved connection through better communications with others!

I learned to speak and listen more effectively based on the author's unique approach that mixes mindfulness practices with the principles of nonviolent communication, a popular modality sinc
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Say What You Mean 1 3 Dec 09, 2018 06:04AM  
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“To listen entails a fundamental letting go of self-centeredness. We have to be willing to put down our own thoughts, views, and feelings temporarily to truly listen.” 1 likes
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