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Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication
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Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication

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4.27  ·  Rating details ·  663 ratings  ·  90 reviews
How to speak and listen more effectively--to communicate mindfully and improve all relationships--based on the author's unique synthesis of mindfulness practice combined with the principles of nonviolent communication.

Communication is hard. Here's a proven method that makes it not only considerably easier, but also much more effective for people on both sides of the conver
...more
Paperback, 272 pages
Published December 11th 2018 by Shambhala (first published December 2018)
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Average rating 4.27  · 
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Genevieve Trono
Nov 17, 2018 rated it it was amazing
What we say matters. This book came at a great time for me and was a powerful read of helpful advice based on the mindfulness practice, to have more positive communication. Words can heal, sooth or uplift us and they can also cause great harm.

Mindfulness is being aware of what is happening in the present moment in a balanced and non-reactive way. In order to connect mindfulness to your daily communication Sofer recommendations following these three basic guidelines...

1. Lead with presence.
2. Co
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Lori
Feb 12, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This brilliant book opens with a perfect analogy: “Communicating is a bit like learning an instrument. Playing scales is essential, but the aim is to make music.” I smiled and entered the book with an eagerness that’s often lacking when I read other books that prescribe a rigid list of rules and “shall nots.” Sofer encourages readers to use this book as a field guide, to try the suggestions and see how they work, and to start small, in low-stakes situations. Fluent, open communication develops w ...more
Pamela
Jan 06, 2019 rated it it was amazing

"Say What You Mean" is an excellent resource for anyone interested in learning how to authentically connect and communicate with ease and clarity.

I loved it! I have dog-eared many pages and underlined numerous sections. There are also 12 free guided audio meditations that I use to support my daily practice. It is a book that I will go back to again and again.


Hamish Seamus
A couple of years ago I was at a retreat which included a workshop on nonviolent communication (NVC). It started with a video in which a crazy man called Marshall Rosenberg got people to wear giraffe ears and talk to each other using hand puppets. The guy running the workshop then handed everyone a list of feelings, and got us to think about how we could've resolved a past conflict by talking about our unmet needs. This was such an insane experience that I couldn't help but suspect the guy was h ...more
Anne
Aug 12, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This is a powerful, yet practical book that combines the practice of mindfulness with the methodologies of nonviolent communication as taught by Marshall Rosenberg, along with Somatic Experiencing as taught by Peter Levine. Each of these is effective and powerful and it’s own right, but this author weaves them together to for. Something new and transformative. He breaks the process down into three steps:
1. Lead with presence.
2. Come from curiosity and care.
3. Focus on what matters.

Each section
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Literary Soirée
Aug 17, 2018 rated it it was amazing
“Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication” by Oren Jay Sofer is a book I’ve long needed to read, as my hubby says I can “never land the plane” when I’m speaking to him! I’m so glad I found this incredibly helpful guide for improved connection through better communications with others!

I learned to speak and listen more effectively based on the author's unique approach that mixes mindfulness practices with the principles of nonviolent communication, a popular modality sinc
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Lena Nechet
Jul 31, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
A surprising disappointment, boring didactic style.
Stefanie
Nov 03, 2019 rated it really liked it
A book filled with useful strategies to help reframe your communication with others and the dialogue you create within.
Dr. Tobias Christian Fischer
Communication can be hard, but luckily it’s a skill that anyone can learn. It comes down to cultivating presence, consciously choosing when to speak, learning how to listen deeply, and paying attention to our needs and emotions. When we have the sincere intention to connect, we can practice the steps that lead to truly fulfilling and productive conversations.
Margo Kelly
Jan 31, 2019 rated it it was amazing
The topic of communication fascinates me. Whether between two people in an intimate one-on-one conversation or between a professional speaker and her audience, effective communication is both a skill that can be learned and an art that can be mastered. So when I was asked to review the new book, Say What You Mean, by Oren Jay Sofer, I jumped at the opportunity.

And. Wow.

Say What You Mean, by Oren Jay Sofer, captured my attention on the first page and kept hold until the final page.

Before digging
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Athirah
Jul 19, 2019 rated it it was ok
I had expected a more informational guide on the art of conversing, yet this book gives the same tips that I hear from YouTube; listen deeply, be present and 'mindful'. Perhaps the most useful tip it gave was that communicating is like swimming; you need to practise for it to come smoothly.
To summarise, I guess I shall just go out into the world and talk to a lot of people.
Alli
Nov 21, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A lot of rich information. I will definitely reference this book for years to come.
Paddy Alister
Dec 12, 2018 rated it it was amazing
What a joy it has been to explore and read this book. I'm a therapist who works with families and am constantly thinking about and working on my own ability to communicate. No other book I've read has helped me with this as much as this book has. He breaks down the basics and supports you with concrete practices you can easily do as well as guided meditations that help you deepen into understanding your own habits around communication. I plan on keeping this book on my shelf so the next time som ...more
Kevin
Aug 19, 2020 rated it it was ok
Buddhist concepts applied to communication. There were useful insights about things like considering what you want the other person to understand before you even speak. And being careful to avoid making assumptions of another vs just speaking about observations.

While there were a few nuggets of wisdom I collected from this book, the other 98% was fairly tedious to get through. Seems like it could have been a much, much shorter book. Oddly enough, the author even states that we have more clarity
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Elisabeth
Aug 19, 2020 rated it really liked it
Practical advice on how to improve communication based on the author's Buddhist teachings. Good everyday examples and Q&As throughout the book. ...more
April
May 06, 2019 rated it really liked it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Hannah
Jun 17, 2019 rated it really liked it
Three and a half
Pap Lőrinc
Aug 23, 2019 rated it really liked it
* be active part of the conversation
* care about the topic sincerely
* your questions should lead to where you want to arrive
Grey
Oct 27, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Vital reading. Everyone would benefit from the knowledge within this book.
David Goldman
Feb 15, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: business
When I read that this book applied mindful practice to communication skills I was worried that it would a metaphysical junk. I was wrong. This books takes a very practical approach to mindfulness with some common sense approach to improving communications. The book is filled with practices and examples that I use daily.
Adrian Clark
Mar 02, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I can’t recommend this book highly enough. It’s so much more than the superficial techniques described in most communication books; I have a sense that what I’ve learned is truly significant in a life-altering and relationship-changing way. As both a physician and a warden (RD) of a university residence hall, communication is central to everything I do and I have read many texts, exploring communication, feedback, and conversation from varied perspectives. This is the best. I will re-
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Chris Lizama
Dec 11, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I really enjoyed this book. My background has mostly been in mindfulness and until now I didn't know much about different communication strategies. I thought this book was going to be just mindful communication but it also integrates a school of thought called Non-Violent Communication, a system created by Marshall Rosenberg.

The book is a good mix of stories, theory, and practices to try out at home. It felt like I took a class with Oren while reading the book. One of my main takeaways has been
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Mindful Reader
May 06, 2019 rated it it was amazing
One of the best and most influential books I have ever read. I just finished and am going right back to page one to read it again.

This book is so perfectly well thought out and laid out; everything is explained in SUCH a clear manner. This is the type of book so chock full of insights and teachings that even if after applying even one tiny change or idea from the book, you will notice a difference in your conversations. It has the potential to have such an incredible impact in your life.

I just
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Chris Duprey
Dec 22, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Probably the best book on communication I’ve read. Oren takes us through the tools we need to mindfully communicate. Throughout the book there are practical exercises and meditations to help reinforce the principles discussed.

A must read.
Ari
Aug 10, 2019 rated it it was ok
I found many of the ideas appealing. However, for a book that's supposed to be about clarity in communication, he sure doesn't say things clearly and succinctly.
Paul
Feb 02, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I recommended this to my coworkers it puts NVC into a useable format.
Miriam Downey
Dec 11, 2018 rated it really liked it
Read my full review here: https://mimi-cyberlibrarian.blogspot....

Here is a brief summary of Say What You Mean by Oren Sofer.

We spend so much of our lives talking to each other, but how much are we simply running on automatic—relying on old habits and hoping for the best? Are we able to truly hear others and speak our mind in a clear and kind way, without needing to get defensive or go on the attack? In this groundbreaking synthesis of mindfulness, somatics, and Nonviolent Communication, Oren Ja
...more
Ekin Su
Aug 06, 2020 rated it really liked it
I was hoping to acquire new tools from this book about how to communicate with people who are not sharing the same objective facts with me. I get very emotional and maybe judgemental when I am arguing about topics like vaccination, police brutality, healthcare system. The part about making neutral observations during an argument was a new angle for me.

The surprising knowledge came from the chapters about empathy. The book explains empathic distress, which is defined as a sort of compassion fati
...more
Naomi
Nov 14, 2019 rated it it was ok
The mindfulness pieces of this book were spot on, and a good explanation of mindfulness, with some meditation practices that I found helpful. Since I've already read mindfulness books before though, this wasn't new or exciting information. What I really wanted out of this book was more about Nonviolent Communication. Unfortunately, most of the NVC advice contained here boils down to "Think more before you talk, and talk less." Which is good advice if you, like the author, are a cis het white man ...more
Kathy
This is one powerful book! I found it full of very helpful, relevant advice aimed at improving communications of all kinds. It is not a book to be read quickly; if you do so, you will miss the opportunity to absorb what is being said and you won't be able to apply the principles successfully.

This book happened to come to me at a time when a treasured relationship had become rife with hurt and misunderstandings. Interactions were difficult for fear of saying the wrong thing, or in the wrong way.
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Say What You Mean 1 4 Dec 09, 2018 06:04AM  

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