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We Used To Be Friends

Amy Spalding (Goodreads Author)

3.37 · Rating details · 1,840 ratings · 535 reviews

Two best friends grow up—and grow apart—in this innovative contemporary YA novel

Told in dual timelines—half of the chapters moving forward in time and half moving backward—We Used to Be Friends explores the most traumatic breakup of all: that of childhood besties. At the start of their senior year in high school, James (a girl with a boy’s name) and Kat are inseparable ...more

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Kindle Edition, 384 pages

Published January 7th 2020 by Amulet

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Jan 20, 2020 Thomas rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: realistic-fiction, lgbtq, own-physical, five-stars, young-adult

5 stars because right book, right time. I went through a gradual yet intense friendship breakup over the latter half of 2019 and We Used to Be Friends got me in all of my feels, like every single one of them. Amy Spalding’s novel follows James and Kat, childhood besties about to start their senior year of high school. They both have life stuff going on: James broke up with her boyfriend and her parents are separating, Kat is dating a girl for the first time and is adjusting to her dad looking fo 5 stars because right book, right time. I went through a gradual yet intense friendship breakup over the latter half of 2019 and We Used to Be Friends got me in all of my feels, like every single one of them. Amy Spalding’s novel follows James and Kat, childhood besties about to start their senior year of high school. They both have life stuff going on: James broke up with her boyfriend and her parents are separating, Kat is dating a girl for the first time and is adjusting to her dad looking for romantic love too, and both are applying to college and waiting to hear back. What I love about this book is that unlike in most stories, James’s and Kat’s other relationships take a backseat to their friendship, which acts as the center of this story. In sections that move both forward and backward in time, we see how their friendship falls apart over the course of a year, the care they both gave and then lost.

I’m super emotional both because of my friendship breakup in late 2019 and because friendships have been both the most beautiful relationships in my life and my most devastating breakups, so I’m just gonna write this review in list form, what I loved and how it relates to my late 2019 friendship breakup. Yay for a book review that combines both a review of a book and ~~over-disclosure of the reviewer’s personal life~~ memoir! I so appreciate how We Used to Be Friends captures:

1) how friendship can mean so much to someone. At their friendship’s strongest, James and Kat were always there for each other, they texted each other every hour, they told each other everything and they understood one another even with just a look, a glance. There’s an energy to a close or best friendship that is so undervalued, when you find a close or best friend who you feel excited every time you talk or text with them, who you know will consistently have your back. Spalding captures this dynamic even in small phrases, like when James is texting Kat and she thinks to herself, “I realize as I see the three dots on her end how relieved I am that her impending response is almost immediate.” This dynamic reminded me of my of my friendship with the friend I broke up with during our first year of friendship a few years ago, when we would have these text conversations that flowed with energy and vibrancy and how much I enjoyed that. Even though I have another friend who I feel that way about now, I still miss and cherish the time I had with my ex-friend where we once had that same intensity of connection.

2) how the rules of friendship can be hard to figure out. Spalding shows this difficulty in a flashback scene of James meeting up with Kat and Quinn, Kat’s new girlfriend, at a diner. James thinks to herself “… it seems like Quinn is suddenly my best friend’s new best friend. Am I immature for how much dread that possibility fills me with? I know that a best friend isn’t the sort of relationship where you make explicit promises and set expectations, the way you do with a boyfriend.” I related so much to this thought process, because I experienced it too. When my ex-friend started dating her boyfriend, and even before she started dating him, she had a template to follow: find him on a dating app, date him, tell her friends about him, invite him to events with family, post about him on social media, get engaged to him, etc. Yet, for our friendship – a friendship in which I encouraged her to go to therapy for the first time, in which she supported me through my adjustment to graduate school – there was no template, no milestones to achieve. And even though we tried to set expectations, in the end they collapsed, especially in contrast to the resources our society invests in romance. Spalding shows, through James and Kat’s friendship, how friendships would benefit from more thorough communication, expectation-setting, and friendship therapy.

3) how romance is prioritized over friendship. Spalding’s portrayal of this twisted my gut so hard. She shows how, when Kat and Quinn started dating, how that shifted Kat and James’s friendship. It’s not like Kat never asked James to hang out or that she wasn’t there for James, and yet, their dynamic still shifted. I felt so grateful for how Spalding captures James’s disappointment, even the subtle things, like how Kat would want to hang out with Quinn more or obsess about Quinn more to the expense of Kat’s zest in her friendship with James. In the scene where James meets up with Kat and Quinn at the diner, she thinks to herself that “it’s like life sets up boyfriends to be the most important thing in a girl’s life.” While this thought process and the progression of Kat and Quinn’s relationship aligns with the idea of amatonormativity and the patriarchal prioritization of romance overall, I am glad that Spalding highlights how this devaluing of friendship can play out even in nuanced ways. Similar to what happened with me and my ex-friend, it’s not that she just ghosted me or only wanted to talk and hang out with her boyfriend. Yet, her prioritization of him had an effect, and I think we both lacked the language and/or the sheer tenacity to address it.

4) how sometimes things just don’t work out, and it hurts so freaking much, and you survive it. I appreciated how neither James nor Kat were abusive to one another necessarily, rather, a lot of small things built up over time and their friendship didn’t last. Kat could have been a better listener, James could have been more open with her feelings, both could have communicated in more nuanced and emotionally intelligent ways. One of the conversations they had at the end of the book – their last conversation – broke my heart, because it reminded me so much of heated conversations I got into with my ex-friend, when you’ve both been hurt and both of your hurt just spirals into something unsalvageable. And yet, Spalding shows, through the flashbacks of this story in particular, the genuine, deep love James and Kat shared with one another, that that love was real even if it did not last. All of these dynamics reminded me of my own friendship with this ex-friend. Maybe I could have been more understanding of who she was all along, maybe she could have been less defensive, maybe we both could have done things differently. And yet, at least for me, our friendship felt like, in the words of one of my current best friends Bri, a whole world – a world of connection and meaning and beauty incomparable to romantic love and its state-sanctioned popularity.

I feel like we so often do not put enough effort into our friendships and a large part of that stems from the lack of media representations of deep, fulfilling friendships. Is We Used to Be Friends one of the most well-written books I’ve read? Honestly, I’m not sure I’d say so, as the prose is relatively straightforward and the characters’ lives feel a bit contained. In some ways I feel like if not for my own experiences with friendship and friendship breakups, I’d give the novel four stars. And yet, this book does such a tender and thoughtful job of portraying a close friendship and its disintegration that I’m confident it will resonate with others who’ve been through what I and others have been through, the breakup of a close or best friendship. After all, I think the best books are the ones that help us feel less alone and more connected in our suffering and our grief. This book accomplishes that in major ways for me, because even though I write about friendship on my blog all the time, it’s so meaningful to see an experience similar to mine portrayed in fiction. Thanks to Amy Spalding for her words and I’d love more books that center friendship in the future. ...more

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Jan 14, 2019 Kate Welsh rated it it was amazing

Shelves: read-in-2019, published-in-2020, ya

SO MANY FEELINGS. This made me cry ON A BUS. Friend breakups are so terrible and we so rarely talk about them!

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Jan 16, 2020 Irena BookDustMagic rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I know it's only January, but I'm pretty sure We Used to be Friends will be one of my favourite reads of 2020.

This was so good, amazingly written with capability to send me on my own reminiscing journey.

Full review to come. ...more

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Sep 05, 2020 Claude's Bookzone rated it liked it

3.5 Stars
After having spent an embarrassingly long time being totally confused by this story I re-read the blurb and realised I somehow missed the very significant detail that this story is told in two different timelines going in different directions. I hadn't paid attention to the dates at the beginning at each chapter either. Yay me and my astute observation skills. I had to start again with fresh eyes and now I am sad. I am sure everyone who has been through a friendship break up knows it ca ...more

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Feb 17, 2020 Laurie –Read Between The Skylines– rated it did not like it

Shelves: read-in-2020, lgbt, contemporary

“The secret about falling in love is how you can do it a million times over with the same person, when the person is the right one.”

1.5 stars

Honestly, I don't give 1-star rating easily but this book was dreadful and every single part of it was a disappointment. According to the blurb, in We Used To Be Friends we follow James and Kat, two childhood best friends, during their senior year of high school. We know even before starting this book (the title says it all), that it will tell the story of their falling out of love and it really intrigued me because it’s not something often told in YA books and yet such a big part of teenager life. Personally, I had a friendship break up with my 8 years long best friend at the end of High School, so I totally could relate to that kind of stories. Needless to say, I had huge expectations before starting reading and still today, I can’t believe I literally have nothing nice to say about this book. Every inch of it felt wrong and unnecessary. I disliked this book so much that I don’t even know how to do a proper review of it, so I’ll try to list with everything that went wrong in my opinion.

★ The unlikable characters
James and Kat were so difficult to like. I enjoy reading about flawed and grey characters, actually, I call them my favourites, but they need to have some traits that make me want to root for them. Here, Kat and James didn’t have even one relatable positive personality trait. Kat was so selfish, and she seemed to be a good friend only when there is no love interest in her life (which did not happen a lot). I get it, when you are in a serious relationship, you have to divide your time differently, but Kat multiplies flings and ends up neglecting her friendship with James every time. It really made me feel like James was here stopgap when no one more interesting was here. Also, I hated that she called James “dork” every two sentences.

“It's like I've been your therapist. You dump all over me and then you don't even stick around to reciprocate. At least therapists get paid. I'm just doing all of it for free.”

On the other hand, James was really mean to everyone. To Kat, yes, but to her parents as well, and I got tired of her using the excuse of her parent’s divorce to justify her actions. Also, I’ve never seen anyone lying that much to their so-called best friend. I was a bit bothered by her ‘do as I say, not as I do’ attitude, for instance, the fact that she kept being friends with Kat’s ex when she would have hated for Kat do to the same with her ex (and then saying ‘but it’s not a fair comparison’) really annoyed me. Friendships need to be between two equals or the will not work.

★ The messy timeline
I usually enjoy books with dual timelines, however, the event in We Used To Be Friend didn’t follow the usual Before/Now pattern where each character was in charge of telling one side of the story. All the chapters were named after a month and a year -mostly during their senior year- that, to me, had no coherence whatsoever. If I understand correctly, James’ chapters were telling the story backwards starting after graduation, whereas Kat’s chapters were in chronological order starting from the beginning of the year. Honestly, it didn’t make sense for me and I had to stop several times to remember when was the action taking place. It made the story really difficult to understand fully as I couldn’t precisely picture (or even blurrily) the timeline of events that lead to the decline of their friendship.

“When you don’t know the right thing to say, maybe it’s time to listen instead.”

★ The lack of friendship
The timeline could have been clearer if we actually saw when James and Kat were actually friends VS when they weren’t anymore. However none of the chapters actually shown their friendship. I think the author tried to show too many intermediate parts and forgot to focus on the reasons of their actual friendship existed because even those happening at the beginning of the school year, before anything really happened to explain the dissolution of their friendship, there is no sign of their love for one another. They were mean, annoyed, irked at one another, but I never witnessed the genuine love that could have made this story believable. I don’t care if best friends have nothing in common or if best friends are super similar, but in this friendship, Kat was a full-on attention seeker, and everything about her life was drama. She even said things she didn’t mean just to be reassured, I really hated it. I found the perfect quote that said “Kat’s a little self-centred. I worry there’s no room for you in your friendship”, so accurate. But also, James seemed so detached with anything related to Kat and she didn't even try to answer more than two words after Kat’s monologues, so like, really, it’s kind of fortunate that Kat speaks enough for the both of them. It’s even more frustrating when you realize that ALL their problems would have been resolved with simple honest communication.

★ The LGBT Relationship
Even though it was one of the main reasons I picked this book, I was really bothered by the bisexual representation in this book. It didn’t feel realistic to me – but I’ve read reviews that said otherwise, so it’s probably just me that don’t identify with it, and keep in mind that my review reflects my own opinions and you are allowed to disagree with me. Other than the fact that Kat realizing that she was bisexual felt unrealistic, the relationship itself made me feel nothing. There was no chemistry between Kate and Quinn, and that was a shame, but Kat was her usual toxic self. Never acknowledging and listening to Quinn’s insecurities, like Quinn couldn’t complain because compared to her, she was perfect. Even that word, ‘perfect’, show how realistic this book was. When you love someone, you love every part of them, even their flaws. You see them but you love them still.

“It was really scary for me and you refused to see it. You couldn't see that I'm a person standing here, not some perfect girlfriend you conjured up.”

★ Nothing happened
Outside of the drama, NOTHING HAPPENED in this book. It was SO repetitive. We get it, Kat is a selfish and bad friend, James is a withdrawn and bad friend, can something actually happen now? Because the drama is not carrying the plot. The ending was in line with the book; unsurprising and unsatisfying. Also, I want to throw out there one last complain, WHAT IS UP WITH CONTEMPORARY TITLES THAT ARE ALSO TITLE OF SONGS? That song kept playing in my head. ...more

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Jan 02, 2020 Lea | That_Bookdragon rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: owned, arc-received, releasing-2020

3/5 ⭐️

Thank you so much to the publisher for providing me with a free ARC of this book in exchange for an honest opinion and happy release day to this book!

"It's strange to think you could grow up right alongside someone and be one category of person when it turns out they're another entirely."

We Used To Be Friends follows two best friends as they grow up and ultimately... grow apart. Told through different points of view, one moving forward and the other moving backward, the reader 3/5 ⭐️

Thank you so much to the publisher for providing me with a free ARC of this book in exchange for an honest opinion and happy release day to this book!

"It's strange to think you could grow up right alongside someone and be one category of person when it turns out they're another entirely."

We Used To Be Friends follows two best friends as they grow up and ultimately... grow apart. Told through different points of view, one moving forward and the other moving backward, the reader gets to know how and why Kat and James' friendship evolved through times. Although the format was promising and interesting, I sadly found myself to be quite confused at times with each timeline. However, this dual timeline brought an interesting aspect to the book as it helped understand better both sides of what Kat and James were feeling toward each other.

Even though I was not fond of Kat's character for reasons that are still unknown to me, I grew extremely attached to James. I found that there was much more dimension to James than her friend and she was much more complex in her ideas. I really liked James because, not going to lie here, I could really relate to how she felt towards other characters in the story. Kat on the other hand seemed to be a little bit oblivious and I wanted to shake some sense into her. Maybe it's because I loved James and wanted to protect her that I didn't really like Kat. I do have to say however that Kat is bisexual so A+ for diversity. Sliding into this, I liked the way her bisexuality was portrayed because I didn't seem forced and the author made it seem really natural and genuine. Moreover, I liked that Kat was not ashamed at all about her sexuality and she was not scared to make a statement in front of her whole school so, that's maybe the only redeeming quality I found within her.

This book centers itself mostly around friendship and family relationships rather than romance, which was truly appreciable in this context. It was pitched as a book about two best friends growing apart and this is exactly what it delivered. Of course there was relationsips involved in the plot but they were minor compared to the central plot of the book itself even though they played a part in making the story move forward. The parents of the protagonists also had their own flaws and qualities, making them seem more genuine and their presence really brought something to the plot as well. The family dynamics is complex, but relatable. Not everything was portreayed as easy or wonderful with the cast of characters and I enjoyed this aspect the most.

I think the majority of us has been through one or more friendship breakups and it is always sad to see but in real life and in written form, especially when it involves best friends who used to say everything to each other until they don't even want to see one another anymore. This made for a painful but realistic story. Using both humor and sadness, this book is definitely one to add to your TBRs. It has the best portrayal of complex friendship I have read in a while.

My Bookstagram ...more

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Mar 01, 2019 E. marked it as to-read

Shelves: 3-1-f-ya, 3-0-f, 3-0-standalone, 3-2-f-contemporary, 8-t-school-life, 7-t-focus-on-friendship, 4-rep-lgbt, 4-rep-lgbt-wlw, 6-novel, 0-2020-release

so 2020 will be a good year when we finally acknowledge the pain of friend break-ups! neat!

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Jun 28, 2020 Bren added it

Shelves: read-and-reviewed, young-adult, read-a-little-of-this-book, friendship

DNF at 15 percent. Not for me, a bit To YA.

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Feb 19, 2020 Jasmine Guillory rated it it was amazing

This was my first read of 2020 and I tore through it — I love books about friendship and I love Amy Spalding books so it’s not a surprise I loved this one! It’s such a touching, relatable story of a friendship breakup, and I really empathized with both characters while also wanting to yell at both of them while also understanding why they were doing the things that made me want to yell at them! I thought the structure might be confusing (the point of view of one character goes backward in time a ...more

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Nov 28, 2019 Rachel rated it liked it

Shelves: contemporary-fiction, arcs

*I received an earc of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review*

It's been a few hours since I've finished this book and I really can't find strong feelings for it one way or another. I really love the premise of the story, the queer representation, the characters, the relationships, and the realistic feels of everything. Despite all of this I just wasn't really able to get into the book. I found myself accidentally skimming parts of it, the timeline was pretty confusing because ...more

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Jan 17, 2020 Maria rated it it was ok

2/5 stars:

I think 2020 should be the year I realize YA contemporary is just not for me. There are VERY few contemporaries I end up loving and this definitely wasn't one of them. In fact, it is one of contemporaries I've enjoyed the least in recent times.

Both in writing and plot I don't think this book does anything special or remarkable.

The story moves between the two main characters' POVs -Kat and James- and although their personalities and likes/dislikes are pretty different their tones and p ...more

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Dec 01, 2019 Kelly added it

Shelves: ya-fiction, read-in-2019

Sometimes a friendship ends with something huge. Other times, two people grow apart for a variety of reasons that aren't necessarily big bangs, but a ton of small ones that inevitably break them apart. Spalding digs into this kind of friendship breakup in a story told in a creative -- and effective -- timeline. James's narrative moves backwards from her leaving for college after the summer post-senior year, while Kat's moves forward from the first month of senior year and as readers, we see all Sometimes a friendship ends with something huge. Other times, two people grow apart for a variety of reasons that aren't necessarily big bangs, but a ton of small ones that inevitably break them apart. Spalding digs into this kind of friendship breakup in a story told in a creative -- and effective -- timeline. James's narrative moves backwards from her leaving for college after the summer post-senior year, while Kat's moves forward from the first month of senior year and as readers, we see all of the things that add up as they come, but we're left moving forward in the story because we're looking for that one thing. But there is no single thing. It's a lot of things, on both sides.

Kat discovers she's bisexual, while James's parents are breaking up because her mom has found a new partner, and those are two big revelations in the story, connected because of how they define each of the girls to themselves and one another. Kat becomes close with her girlfriend, whiles James finds herself needing to spend more time better understanding herself and what it is she really wants in her life.

Both girls are well-rounded, though I found James a bit more compelling. It's interesting to read reviews calling them unlikable, as I don't think it's true in either case. Is unlikable the word people use for complex now? Both of these girls are high school seniors and have a lot going on, and to me, they read like high school seniors who have a lot going on. None of us are particularly amazing humans at that point in our lives because there's so much going on. Both girls are equally deserving of empathy though for this, as well as the slow breakup of their long-time friendship.

As always, Spalding develops some great parents in the story, which I always appreciate.

This book has humor, heart, and heartbreak, and I think it's one a lot of readers will relate to. I've yet to read it as of this review, but I think it'll be awesome to pair this book with When You Were Everything by Ashley Woodfolk, another friendship breakup story. ...more

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Mar 01, 2020 lu ☾ rated it it was ok

Shelves: audiobooks, 2020, contemporary, lgbt, rep-lesbian, rep-bi, wlw, 2020-releases

2.5 stars

I was really excited about this one because friend breakups is a topic that I think should be covered a lot more in YA lit (and media in general), BUT it was honestly pretty underwhelming. Maybe I'm just dumb, but the dual timelines were very confusing, and since I was listening to the audiobook it was Really Annoying to have to go back to the start of the chapter every time to check what month it was, and then try to remember what had and hadn't happened up to that point in time.

The ch ...more

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Oct 06, 2019 michelle (magical reads) rated it really liked it

Shelves: reviews, arcs, released-in-2020, 2019

3.75 stars

read on my blog

**I received an ARC from Netgalley. These are my honest opinions, and in no way was I compensated for this review.**

Everything felt so easy then: friendships, boyfriends, the future,. But now my feelings are too messy. It’s like something has been rotting from within and now there’s no way to know when it started.

I was intrigued by the title; I mean, We Used to Be Friends is very on the nose, but it’s exactly what this book is about, and I loved it for that. I feel l ...more

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Jan 15, 2020 Marie rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: 2020-releases, arcs

Real rating: 4,5 stars.
We Used To Be Friends was such a brilliant read and a necessary one, too. There are too few books about friendships and friendship break-ups and how painful that can be, too, and this book NAILED IT. I loved the dual POV and the originality of going back and forth in James and Kat's relationship. Bittersweet and emotional, this is such a good read I'm definitely going to recommend.

Full review coming soon on the blog!

Thank you to Amulet Books UK / Abrams & Chronicle Books ...more

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Mar 07, 2020 Izzie rated it liked it

Shelves: queer-books-i-ve-read

*3.5 Stars*
(Thank you to my Mum for typing this review for me).
This book is about two main characters , James and Kat, as they enter their senior year together after being best friends for over a decade. It has a dual time line, with Kat's perspective from the start of the senior year, and James' perspective starting from the end of the year. This chronicles their fracturing friendship and the heartbreak which comes along with it.
What I Liked:
- Friend break ups. We read countless stories that f ...more

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Feb 18, 2020 Juan rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: lgbtq

The cool thing about the timeline moving forwards and backwards at the same time is that instead of crying at the climax of the book I just cried on and off the whole time.

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Feb 04, 2020 Vee rated it liked it

I'm also a book blogger: Vee_Bookish

My expectations from this book before I read it was that we would meet one friend at the start of the friendship or a high point in the friendship, and one at the end of the friendship, slowly meeting in the middle and there would be some sort of big reveal as to what caused the break-up. I fully expected to bawl like a baby by the end. This... did not happen.

We Used To Be Friends is, well, it's a bit of a mess. Instead of what I thought would happen, the chap I'm also a book blogger: Vee_Bookish

My expectations from this book before I read it was that we would meet one friend at the start of the friendship or a high point in the friendship, and one at the end of the friendship, slowly meeting in the middle and there would be some sort of big reveal as to what caused the break-up. I fully expected to bawl like a baby by the end. This... did not happen.

We Used To Be Friends is, well, it's a bit of a mess. Instead of what I thought would happen, the chapters felt all over the place for no real reason other than a gimmick, I had to continuously check where I was in the story to the point where I nearly started making a spreadsheet. The friendship was clearly broken at the chronological start of the friendship, so you never got to see a real moment where the friends were inseparable.

James is actually an awful person. She spends her time building Habitat's for Humanity so she can feel like she's better than everyone else, she's controlling to the point of abusive, choosing to not speak her feelings and then send two word texts to Kat in order to make Kat run around trying to work out what she did wrong, then she blows up at Kat for being too extra. I saved many examples of James shittiness, including when Kat started she was scared to be herself around James because she felt like James was judging her, when she felt like he parent's break-up was more important than the death of Kat's mother, when she spends basically the whole book being jealous of Quinn but not bothering to ask for time just with Kat, which Kat would have gladly given and the straight up gaslighting during the major argument.

Kat, I love. She's a messy human being and can come across as selfish but I don't think that was it. She spends so much time trying to make everyone else happy, and making sure other people's needs were met and just got shat on for it from James. She's appreciative of every kind gesture, like when James bough her emoi earrings and she put them on immediately, taking a picture for Instagram, when she tries her hardest to like her Dad's new girlfriend despite still healing from her mom's death, when she was devastated after the argument with James yet still went to an event with Quinn, because she knew it meant a lot to Quinn.

I left the story not upset for anyone but Kat (and maybe James' ex boyfriend Logan, run while you still can mate), wishing that Kat ditches James entirely and gets herself new friends that make as much effort as she does to show their appreciation. ...more

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Apr 12, 2020 Banny rated it liked it · review of another edition

This hit too close home. I lost my elementary-middle school best friend kinda like this. However, I couldn’t overlook how slow paced it was and the long chapters didn’t help.

On the bright side, I love there was growth for both James and Kat.

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Jul 19, 2020 Enne rated it it was ok

Shelves: 2-star, own-voices, rep-lgbtqiap, genre-contemporary, rep-lgbtqiap-main, pov-1st, predictable-plot, reviewed, yikes, z-2020-reads

2 stars

The only thing I cared about in this book was the exploration of friendship and how friends sometimes grow apart and sometimes friend break-ups happen. I thought the author did a decent job of portraying what a friendship break-up feels like and I really appreciated that.

That said, I didn't care about anything else in this book. The characters annoyed me to no end and there was pretty much no plot outside of the friendship break-up which wasn't enough to carry the story. I also didn't r ...more

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Nov 23, 2019 Samantha (WLABB) rated it really liked it

Shelves: arcs, ya, romance, contemporary, lgbtqia

Kat and James had been best friends since they were serendipitously paired together in Kindergarten. Both were looking forward to senior year for different reasons. Kat just wanted to get though this last year, and was anticipating all the new experiences waiting for her in college, while James was eager to be a senior and to enjoy her final year of high school with her best friend at her side. However, neither expected it would be the end of a decade long friendship.

I am telling you, right now, Kat and James had been best friends since they were serendipitously paired together in Kindergarten. Both were looking forward to senior year for different reasons. Kat just wanted to get though this last year, and was anticipating all the new experiences waiting for her in college, while James was eager to be a senior and to enjoy her final year of high school with her best friend at her side. However, neither expected it would be the end of a decade long friendship.

I am telling you, right now, I had a headache, when I finished this book, due to all the crying I did. Romantic breakups are painful, but we rarely acknowledge how traumatic a friend breakup can be. My tears are evidence, that Spalding did a fantastic job depicting the collapse of this storied friendship. So, considered yourself warned.

Spalding told this story from both Kat and James' point of view, but she did so, from opposite ends of the timeline. James' story began at the end, with her leaving town for college, and Kat's started from the beginning of the school year. I found the dual timeline to be quite successful and meaningful for me. James' narrative had more insight, since she could reflect on the past, while Kat's had more unknown's. Since there was overlap, I also experienced many things in multiple ways, and we all know, perspective is everything. It was interesting the way their life situations were flipped, too. Kat's year started with heartbreak, and ended with everything coming up roses, while it was the opposite for James.

James' point of the view definitely elicited more tears from me. Her life sort of imploded, and everything she believed in seemed like a lie. There were some positive things that came out of what happened, and Spalding left me hopeful for other things, but James lost a lot, and it broke my heart watching her slow retreat from everyone and her self-imposed isolation.

Kat's side of the story made me smile a whole lot. Her family was still in the process of healing following her mother's death, and they were slowly regrouping. Not only was Kat's home life improving, but she fell in love and discovered a lot about herself, included that she was bisexual. The friend breakup seemed to leave more of a mark on Kat, as well, and she tried to make some changes in order to be a better person.

This was a story that resonated with me, because I have experienced those painful friend breakups, and I believe many others will be able to relate to Kat and James' story as well.

Overall: A sensitive and emotional tale of loss, love, healing, and self discovery.

*ARC provided in exchange for an honest review.

BLOG | INSTAGRAM |TWITTER | BLOGLOVIN | FRIEND ME ON GOODREADS ...more

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Mar 05, 2020 sofia (sam willows) rated it liked it

Shelves: dont-own, audiobooks, standalone, lgbtq, 2020, contemporaries-read

this was good and fine but it didn't move me as much as i hoped + i forgot about it the minute i finished it hence the three stars ...more

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Mar 17, 2020 thi rated it it was amazing

Shelves: sapphic-lead-and-f-f-recs, fav-2020-reads

4.5/5
- two words: friend breakups
- we’ve all been through them, some more dramatic than others, some less, but no matter the situation I’m sure everyone could in some way relate to this
- Here the hurt was slowly building, a culmination of internal and external frictions and honestly bad timing
- James and kat are written imperfectly, aka realistically, and were quite relatable whether situationally or behaviourally
- The alternating POVS and non-linear timeline (even though the chapters are date ...more

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Dec 27, 2020 elise (the petite punk) rated it it was ok

Shelves: contemporary, young-adult, lgbtq

I was prepared to absolutely love this but...yeah, that just didn’t happen. The back and forth timeline paired with the dual POVs was incredibly confusing and I hated the fact that the last chapter didn’t end in current time. It almost made the book seem unfinished. There were a few emotional and sweet moments but for the most part, I felt like the author kept coming really close to making valid points about friendships, family, teenage relationships, etc. and then missing the mark. I didn’t lik ...more

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Jan 02, 2020 Danielle (Life of a Literary Nerd) rated it really liked it

Shelves: cover-envy, lgbtq, contemporary, standalones

"By the time you realize you're thirsty, it's too late. You're already dehydrated. Therefore, it stands to reasons that if you feel the end coming, you're already there."
This was such a bittersweet book - in the best way. I just feel really sad and filled with pain about this friendship that just falls apart over time. It definitely hooks you and pulls you into the story. You're so invested you feel the heartbrea and pain alongside Kat and James.

I loved that this story was told in t ...more

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Jul 11, 2020 jenny✨ marked it as to-read

Shelves: 2020, friendship, ya-contemporary, lgbtqia, bisexual-rep

👏YES 👏to 👏friendship 👏breakup 👏rep 👏

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Jan 25, 2020 Beth rated it liked it

Shelves: contemporary, lgbtqpia, young-adult, read-in-2020, 2020-release, young-adult-fiction

* I received an arc from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review*

This book definitely did things most books don’t do. It focused on a friend breakup instead of a romantic couple. Anyone that has had a friend breakup knows that sometimes those can be worse than romantic breakups.

I thought this book was extremely well written. The queer rep was amazing. The flow of the book was effective in the way that we got both POV of the friendship, and it works from present day to going back in time so w ...more

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Jan 07, 2020 Alexis Nalley rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: reviews

“I had no idea how you could stand right next to someone and yet have no clue how to get back to them. Though I guess that now it’s more that I’m standing behind someone.”

This book. This book, you guys. We Used to be Friends follows two girls, James and Kat as their friendship dissolves. It’s no one’s fault and no one person is totally to blame, just something that sometimes happens- you grow up and you grow apart. This book is told in alternating points of view. James’ part of the story is told “I had no idea how you could stand right next to someone and yet have no clue how to get back to them. Though I guess that now it’s more that I’m standing behind someone.”

This book. This book, you guys. We Used to be Friends follows two girls, James and Kat as their friendship dissolves. It’s no one’s fault and no one person is totally to blame, just something that sometimes happens- you grow up and you grow apart. This book is told in alternating points of view. James’ part of the story is told backward, reflecting over her senior year of high school while preparing to leave for college and Kat’s is told forward, following her through her exciting senior year.

If you’ve gone through a friend breakup I highly recommend reading this book. So many times you read about heartbreak and it’s linked to a romantic relationship and so while you can somewhat relate, you can feel like it doesn’t apply to you. But the first thing James does is state that her biggest heartbreak came from her friendship with Kat falling through. It’s important to note that while you might identify with one character or another, neither is blamed in this book. As you get to know the characters through their POVs you see that neither is a bad person, neither did something unforgivable for their friendship. You can absolutely see where each of them is coming from.
This book broke my heart. I think this is a very important book that many, teens and adults alike, will relate to. There is so many books focused on romantic love and heartbreak, but platonic relationships are just as important. And as Amy Spalding shows here, they are just as heart breaking.

Now, I'm going to get a bit emotional. I spent this entire book kind of choked up. I related SO hard with James in this book- feeling like your best friend is moving on to bigger and better things and leaving you behind is an extremely terrible feeling. Knowing that you aren't really their best friend anymore and wanting so badly to hang on to something you know is already gone is even worse. This book made me so sad, you guys. But it also made me feel seen in a real emotional way that honestly, I wasn't prepared to deal with. I gave this book five stars for emotional impact alone. So if you ever feel like you need some catharsis about a friendship being over, definitely pick this up.
...more

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Jun 19, 2020 Fall-Out-Book-Nerd rated it liked it

Shelves: audiobook

Review to come.

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Jan 29, 2020 Catalina rated it liked it

Shelves: aty2020

I would have liked it a lot more if not for the fact that it jumps around the entire year a lot. I got confused a few times about what was going on with the characters when it skipped so far in the past and then back to the present and such.

But, it was a very relatable story. Friendship breakups are the worst.

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About Amy Spalding

Amy Spalding

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Amy Spalding grew up in St. Louis, but now lives in the better weather of Los Angeles. She has a B.A. in Advertising & Marketing Communications from Webster University, and an M.A. in Media Studies from The New School. Amy studied longform improv at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre.

By day, she manages the digital media team for an indie film advertising agency. By later day and night, Amy wri ...more

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“After all, the boys added up—Tony, Bryce, Javier, and I guess Logan, too—didn’t come close to this. There are breakup tunes and lovesick ballads and celebrating-that-he-was-gone anthems. It was easy to believe that romance was the only heartache out there.” — 2 likes

“Shouldn't we just admit the friendship had, somehow, run its course?Sure,we might have moments where things feel just like before, but that doesn't erase the long stretches of time, when they don't” — 2 likes

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