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How She Died, How I Lived
I was one of five. The five girls Kyle texted that day. The girls it could have been. Only Jamie--beautiful, saintly Jamie--was kind enough to respond. And it got her killed.
On the eve of Kyle's sentencing a year after Jamie's death, all the other "chosen ones" are coping in various ways. But our tenacious narrator is full of anger, stuck somewhere between the horrifying past and the unknown future as she tries to piece together why she gets to live, while Jamie is dead.
Now she finds herself drawn to Charlie, Jamie's boyfriend--knowing all the while that their relationship will always be haunted by what-ifs and why-nots. Is hope possible in the face of such violence? Is forgiveness? How do you go on living when you know it could have been you instead?
On the eve of Kyle's sentencing a year after Jamie's death, all the other "chosen ones" are coping in various ways. But our tenacious narrator is full of anger, stuck somewhere between the horrifying past and the unknown future as she tries to piece together why she gets to live, while Jamie is dead.
Now she finds herself drawn to Charlie, Jamie's boyfriend--knowing all the while that their relationship will always be haunted by what-ifs and why-nots. Is hope possible in the face of such violence? Is forgiveness? How do you go on living when you know it could have been you instead?
416 pages, ebook
First published November 13, 2018
About the author
Mary Crockett
5 books309 followersMary Crockett is an award-winning poet and author of the novel HOW SHE DIED, HOW I LIVED. A native of the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, Mary grew up as the youngest of six children in a family of misfits. She has worked as everything from a history museum director to a toilet seat hand model. In her other life, she teaches creative writing at Roanoke College in Virginia. If you tweet at her, chances are she will tweet back.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 532 reviews
January 1, 2019
Never in my life have a reached out to an author after finishing a book until now. That's how powerful I felt this story was and I am so incredibly grateful to have been given the opportunity to read this.
Our narrator struggles throughout the entire story with why she got to live and Jamie had to die. When the murder trial re-opens one year after Jamie's death to determine if her murderer, Kyle, should receive the death penalty, the MC then starts to struggle with coming face to face with the man capable of such a horrific crime and ultimately knowing that she will have some part in whether Kyle gets to live or die as she testifies against him. However, at the same time she slowly starts becoming close with Jamie's boyfriend, Charlie, and they find begin to find comfort in one another as the dreaded trial inches closer and closer.
One of the reasons I connected so much with this story so much is because I am familiar with the emotions of losing a loved one and feeling that no amount of justice will ever be fully served. Will the death penalty serve justice? A life for a life. Or is prison enough? Either one will never bring back your loved one, but is one better than the other? It's something that is always up for the debate and I love that this book really makes you think long and hard about this, because in my opinion it is an extremely complicated answer.
Charlie, was a bit of a complex character, and it's easy to see why he might not be liked by some readers. He deals with grief by pushing others away which obviously is not healthy and not fair to our MC as their relationship progresses. He was very hot and cold towards her. It's not right to push away your loved ones, but for some of us that is how we cope and I was able to relate to him a lot because of it. Towards the end of the story his grief comes out as very raw and very angry which was also extremely relatable to me. This was definintely another reason why I loved this book so much, because I was able to see a lot of myself in both the narrator and Charlie.
In case you haven't realized, I've never once said the narrator's name and that's because you will not find it anywhere in this book. Which is why I e-mailed the author. From the very first page to the very last page I wondered what this girl's name was, and why it was never once mentioned. The response I received from the author blew me away and further solidified my love for this book and made it a thousand times more powerful because of how this book also ties into rape culture in today's society.
Favorite Quotes
All in all, this book was one of the most powerful books I read in 2018 and I will be shoving this book at every single person I possibly can. I love well-written books that deal with heavy topics and this will certainly go down as one of my favorites.
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Our narrator struggles throughout the entire story with why she got to live and Jamie had to die. When the murder trial re-opens one year after Jamie's death to determine if her murderer, Kyle, should receive the death penalty, the MC then starts to struggle with coming face to face with the man capable of such a horrific crime and ultimately knowing that she will have some part in whether Kyle gets to live or die as she testifies against him. However, at the same time she slowly starts becoming close with Jamie's boyfriend, Charlie, and they find begin to find comfort in one another as the dreaded trial inches closer and closer.
One of the reasons I connected so much with this story so much is because I am familiar with the emotions of losing a loved one and feeling that no amount of justice will ever be fully served. Will the death penalty serve justice? A life for a life. Or is prison enough? Either one will never bring back your loved one, but is one better than the other? It's something that is always up for the debate and I love that this book really makes you think long and hard about this, because in my opinion it is an extremely complicated answer.
Charlie, was a bit of a complex character, and it's easy to see why he might not be liked by some readers. He deals with grief by pushing others away which obviously is not healthy and not fair to our MC as their relationship progresses. He was very hot and cold towards her. It's not right to push away your loved ones, but for some of us that is how we cope and I was able to relate to him a lot because of it. Towards the end of the story his grief comes out as very raw and very angry which was also extremely relatable to me. This was definintely another reason why I loved this book so much, because I was able to see a lot of myself in both the narrator and Charlie.
In case you haven't realized, I've never once said the narrator's name and that's because you will not find it anywhere in this book. Which is why I e-mailed the author. From the very first page to the very last page I wondered what this girl's name was, and why it was never once mentioned. The response I received from the author blew me away and further solidified my love for this book and made it a thousand times more powerful because of how this book also ties into rape culture in today's society.
Favorite Quotes
Because I'm pretty sure the world doesn't much care what might have happened. It's not interested in how small I feel. To the world, I'm just another drunk girl at a party.
Most of the time, it's like I'm...like I'm not living at all. I'm just some girl who, for whatever reason, isn't dead yet. A girl he didn't kill.
I know that "capital sentence" is just his lawyer's way of saying death. And though Kyle deserves to die for what he did, the thought that I could somehow be "helpful" in bringing about that end doesn't give me even an ounce of relief.
This world. This preposterously beautiful world. You'd think we could live in it without killing each other. This world. This, world, so much more than we deserve.
All in all, this book was one of the most powerful books I read in 2018 and I will be shoving this book at every single person I possibly can. I love well-written books that deal with heavy topics and this will certainly go down as one of my favorites.
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November 15, 2018
1.5 STARS
When people say, “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” believe them. The cover and blurb of HOW SHE DIED, HOW I LIVED made me think I’d read an emotionally-charged thriller. Instead the book left me not caring.
Mary Crockett’s writing is the strongest part of the book, the plot and characters are the weakest. HOW SHE DIED, HOW I LIVED is filled with dysfunctional relationships, often due to lack of communication, yet Crockett rarely addressed the problems. She did a good job of representing partying, but there were never any consequences other than hangovers. The PTSD she included seemed to be plot, not character motivated and then disappeared midway through the story.
I disliked the ending most of all. The unnamed narrator decides to forgive the murderer after little introspection or therapy to process her feelings. She becomes preachy (not in a religious sense) and intolerant that the victim’s ex, her now boyfriend, still wants him dead.
And what’s up with not giving the narrator a name.
I don’t recommend HOW SHE DIED, HOW I LIVED.
When people say, “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” believe them. The cover and blurb of HOW SHE DIED, HOW I LIVED made me think I’d read an emotionally-charged thriller. Instead the book left me not caring.
Mary Crockett’s writing is the strongest part of the book, the plot and characters are the weakest. HOW SHE DIED, HOW I LIVED is filled with dysfunctional relationships, often due to lack of communication, yet Crockett rarely addressed the problems. She did a good job of representing partying, but there were never any consequences other than hangovers. The PTSD she included seemed to be plot, not character motivated and then disappeared midway through the story.
I disliked the ending most of all. The unnamed narrator decides to forgive the murderer after little introspection or therapy to process her feelings. She becomes preachy (not in a religious sense) and intolerant that the victim’s ex, her now boyfriend, still wants him dead.
And what’s up with not giving the narrator a name.
I don’t recommend HOW SHE DIED, HOW I LIVED.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 14, 2018
"I want to be alive. And to be okay with being alive."
I went into this book expecting to come out an emotional wreck. Sadly, that wasn't my outcome. In short, this book lacked the dept that I was expecting and was really formed as just another contemporary.
Now, I'm not saying that it's a bad book. This covers topics from survivor's guilt, moving on, and being true to yourself. I feel like we could have really dived more deeply into those emotions, but the writing wasn't there.
"I don't even know if justice is a thing. If it's possible."
For the most part, I really enjoyed the narration that we received from Jaime. she asked the questions that are hard to ask. I liked being on the journey with her while she found a way to try and move on and learn to forgive for something tragic.
What really drove my rating down was the romance. I didn't see the need for it nor did I like it. Being with someone who's girlfriend died a year ago when it could have been you just doesn't seem like it should happen. Charlie didn't really need to be in a relationship. He was full of too much grief and pain. He was still mourning the loss of Jaime. How can you be in a relationship with someone whose mourning the person they loved and expect them to love you too?
Overall, while it wasn't terrible, I just feel that the romance and excess background plot took away from this story being better for me.
ARC provided for an honest review. Quotes are subject to change upon publication.
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I went into this book expecting to come out an emotional wreck. Sadly, that wasn't my outcome. In short, this book lacked the dept that I was expecting and was really formed as just another contemporary.
Now, I'm not saying that it's a bad book. This covers topics from survivor's guilt, moving on, and being true to yourself. I feel like we could have really dived more deeply into those emotions, but the writing wasn't there.
"I don't even know if justice is a thing. If it's possible."
For the most part, I really enjoyed the narration that we received from Jaime. she asked the questions that are hard to ask. I liked being on the journey with her while she found a way to try and move on and learn to forgive for something tragic.
What really drove my rating down was the romance. I didn't see the need for it nor did I like it. Being with someone who's girlfriend died a year ago when it could have been you just doesn't seem like it should happen. Charlie didn't really need to be in a relationship. He was full of too much grief and pain. He was still mourning the loss of Jaime. How can you be in a relationship with someone whose mourning the person they loved and expect them to love you too?
Overall, while it wasn't terrible, I just feel that the romance and excess background plot took away from this story being better for me.
ARC provided for an honest review. Quotes are subject to change upon publication.
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January 1, 2019
Wow, just wow... this one will stay with me
July 1, 2019
“I am many things, but loveable isn't one of them.”
How She Died, How I Lived was very underwhelming and incredibly boring!! Really this book just fell short and I struggled to get through it. Not much of anything exciting happens either. I don't recommend :(
How She Died, How I Lived was very underwhelming and incredibly boring!! Really this book just fell short and I struggled to get through it. Not much of anything exciting happens either. I don't recommend :(
Shelved as 'dnf'
November 16, 2018DNF at 48%
It's interesting but also tediously boring.
It's interesting but also tediously boring.
July 27, 2019
In summary, this was an average story told from the shallow perspective of an annoying narrator surrounded by watered down characters.
It could have been great. But instead it took the potential it had to be a deep and meaningful story that dealt with a serious subject matter and wasted it by being just another basic teen drama plagued with pointless friendship drama, cringe romance and a love triangle. Plagued with often contradictory 'feminist statements' and unbearable (not to mention stupid and unnecessary) descriptions of the love interests lips. There was very little of anything of substance a part from the court stuff and the exchange with the grieving mother. I think if there was more in the book like that then it would be a much better read.
And I need to say how immensely I disliked the narrator. She was so selfish in the way she dealt with the grieving boyfriend in regards to the murder as if her emotional response is even comparable with his and those who knew the victim personally. She barely tries to understand what he is going through, just feels sorry for him - but not as much as she feels sorry for herself.
This book did not pull off the story it was attempting to be, if you ask me its not worth it.
It could have been great. But instead it took the potential it had to be a deep and meaningful story that dealt with a serious subject matter and wasted it by being just another basic teen drama plagued with pointless friendship drama, cringe romance and a love triangle. Plagued with often contradictory 'feminist statements' and unbearable (not to mention stupid and unnecessary) descriptions of the love interests lips. There was very little of anything of substance a part from the court stuff and the exchange with the grieving mother. I think if there was more in the book like that then it would be a much better read.
And I need to say how immensely I disliked the narrator. She was so selfish in the way she dealt with the grieving boyfriend in regards to the murder as if her emotional response is even comparable with his and those who knew the victim personally. She barely tries to understand what he is going through, just feels sorry for him - but not as much as she feels sorry for herself.
This book did not pull off the story it was attempting to be, if you ask me its not worth it.
March 6, 2020
Zij ging dood en ik bleef leven sprak mij heel erg aan. Het verhaal begint heel rustig, het probleem wordt langzaam duidelijk. Kyle heeft een aantal meisjes een bericht gestuurd en de ik-persoon was daar een van. Ze heeft niet gereageerd en nu leeft ze dus nog. Aan het begin van het boek vond ik de ik-persoon echt een zeurpiet. Overal negatief over. Gelukkig veranderde dit.
Ze vindt geluk in haar vriendschap met Lindsey, maar ook de vriendschap met Charlie. De vriendschap met Lindsey is heel typisch, zal herkenbaar zijn voor young adults. Liefdesverdriet, meidenfilms kijken en samen tutten. De vriendschap met Charlie is moeilijk, omdat ze beide in rouw zijn.
Er zijn veel mysteries in dit boek, dit verhaal. Wie heeft de meisjes nou de teddybeer en de bloemen gestuurd? Lindsey en de ik-persoon gaan op onderzoek uit. Maar het grootste mysterie vond ik: hoe heet de hoofdpersoon? Heb ik iets gemist? Het blijft een mysterie voor mij.
Ondanks alle mysteries die in het verhaal zaten, vond ik dit boek heel fijn om te lezen. Het was zo beeldend geschreven dat ik me echt in de omgeving kon plaatsen. Ik kon mezelf wat minder in het hoofdpersonage vinden, maar dat gaf niets. Het ging vooral om het verhaal. Als je van mysteries en young adult houdt, dan is dit boek iets voor jou.
Ze vindt geluk in haar vriendschap met Lindsey, maar ook de vriendschap met Charlie. De vriendschap met Lindsey is heel typisch, zal herkenbaar zijn voor young adults. Liefdesverdriet, meidenfilms kijken en samen tutten. De vriendschap met Charlie is moeilijk, omdat ze beide in rouw zijn.
Er zijn veel mysteries in dit boek, dit verhaal. Wie heeft de meisjes nou de teddybeer en de bloemen gestuurd? Lindsey en de ik-persoon gaan op onderzoek uit. Maar het grootste mysterie vond ik: hoe heet de hoofdpersoon? Heb ik iets gemist? Het blijft een mysterie voor mij.
Ondanks alle mysteries die in het verhaal zaten, vond ik dit boek heel fijn om te lezen. Het was zo beeldend geschreven dat ik me echt in de omgeving kon plaatsen. Ik kon mezelf wat minder in het hoofdpersonage vinden, maar dat gaf niets. Het ging vooral om het verhaal. Als je van mysteries en young adult houdt, dan is dit boek iets voor jou.
March 1, 2019
I don't even remember placing a hold on this book but here I am. This was the in-between book as I read Thunderhead (which I'm LOVING... can't say the same about this one) I just read the synopsis and I was intrigued and thought it would be amazing. However, this was NOT good at all. After I finished reading, I searched the genre and of course, it was contemporary.
It's supposed to be about the murder of Jamie, who was one of the five girls that Kyle texted and was the only one to reply. Which is how she died. That was enough to hook me in but damn did it lose my interest quickly.
I've learned that I prefer just listing what I like and didn't like so;
What I didn't like:
- The story isn't even about Jamie! It's just about one of the five that is able to turn Jamie's death about herself and how the town feels about Jamie's murder. She's moping around all like, "it could've been me" or "maybe Jamie would be the one alive and not me" I understand survivor's guilt but she just surpassed that and wanted it all about her. She wasn't even close to Jamie! Didn't talk to her! Then WHY is the story in her point of view??? I'd prefer the story to be told by a family member or someone closer to Jamie.
- THE NARRATOR HAS NO NAME. I'm sorry but HOW can there be 300+ pages and no mention of the name of the narrator? This is probably a petty reason to dislike a book but I just think it couldn't have been that hard to give a character a name.
- The narrator was a judgemental bitch. Lindsey is her "best friend" but all she does is judge anything she wears or who she falls for. Sure, she's trying to tell Lindsey to be careful of the guy she's falling for because he's one of those good for nothing guys but don't insult her by basically telling her she's stupid for falling for him. And I'm sorry but always critiquing her outfits because of how "short" or "revealing" they are? Literally, shut the fuck up. Also, when she's on a date with Charlie and they're being all romantic she actually said something along the lines of "I would judge them if it were any other couple, but because it's us, it's romantic" ???????????????? Just don't judge people and you'll live a simpler life.
- The relationship between the narrator and Charlie. I'm sorry but it's just not believable that Charlie would get into a relationship with someone else while he's not over his former girlfriend's murder. Why did there even have to be a relationship? Why couldn't it have been just someone living their life after traumatic events? They weren't even good together! He was always moody and pushed her away and she kept coming back to him like a dumbass. She actually got upset with him because he went AWOL a week before Kyle's sentencing. LET A MAN BREATHE. The girl he loved was murdered, of course, he wouldn't be ok.
- The whole miscarriage mini plot thing. Or whatever it wanted to be. I guess it made the story longer than it had to be. Annoying.
- The little "mystery" that was added in like 75% into the book? It's the main focus for like 2 chapters and then never mentioned again until it was solved. Absolutely useless.
- No plot. Literally NO PLOT AT ALL.
Things I liked:
- Nothing.
This was a dumpster fire. If it talked about someone living past the events and growing stronger, then maybe I would like it more. But noooooooo, it had to be about someone irrelevant. There should've been parts that were dedicated to Jamie and her life and how she was before she was murdured. But nothing.
It's supposed to be about the murder of Jamie, who was one of the five girls that Kyle texted and was the only one to reply. Which is how she died. That was enough to hook me in but damn did it lose my interest quickly.
I've learned that I prefer just listing what I like and didn't like so;
What I didn't like:
- The story isn't even about Jamie! It's just about one of the five that is able to turn Jamie's death about herself and how the town feels about Jamie's murder. She's moping around all like, "it could've been me" or "maybe Jamie would be the one alive and not me" I understand survivor's guilt but she just surpassed that and wanted it all about her. She wasn't even close to Jamie! Didn't talk to her! Then WHY is the story in her point of view??? I'd prefer the story to be told by a family member or someone closer to Jamie.
- THE NARRATOR HAS NO NAME. I'm sorry but HOW can there be 300+ pages and no mention of the name of the narrator? This is probably a petty reason to dislike a book but I just think it couldn't have been that hard to give a character a name.
- The narrator was a judgemental bitch. Lindsey is her "best friend" but all she does is judge anything she wears or who she falls for. Sure, she's trying to tell Lindsey to be careful of the guy she's falling for because he's one of those good for nothing guys but don't insult her by basically telling her she's stupid for falling for him. And I'm sorry but always critiquing her outfits because of how "short" or "revealing" they are? Literally, shut the fuck up. Also, when she's on a date with Charlie and they're being all romantic she actually said something along the lines of "I would judge them if it were any other couple, but because it's us, it's romantic" ???????????????? Just don't judge people and you'll live a simpler life.
- The relationship between the narrator and Charlie. I'm sorry but it's just not believable that Charlie would get into a relationship with someone else while he's not over his former girlfriend's murder. Why did there even have to be a relationship? Why couldn't it have been just someone living their life after traumatic events? They weren't even good together! He was always moody and pushed her away and she kept coming back to him like a dumbass. She actually got upset with him because he went AWOL a week before Kyle's sentencing. LET A MAN BREATHE. The girl he loved was murdered, of course, he wouldn't be ok.
- The whole miscarriage mini plot thing. Or whatever it wanted to be. I guess it made the story longer than it had to be. Annoying.
- The little "mystery" that was added in like 75% into the book? It's the main focus for like 2 chapters and then never mentioned again until it was solved. Absolutely useless.
- No plot. Literally NO PLOT AT ALL.
Things I liked:
- Nothing.
This was a dumpster fire. If it talked about someone living past the events and growing stronger, then maybe I would like it more. But noooooooo, it had to be about someone irrelevant. There should've been parts that were dedicated to Jamie and her life and how she was before she was murdured. But nothing.
November 15, 2018
I received an ARC of this novel in exchange for an honest review.
I really, really enjoyed “How She Died, How I Lived,” much more than I was anticipating. I was expecting it to be a bit of a thriller, definitely on the darker side, but I was pleasantly surprised by the variety of emotion in this book. We follow our main character (who remains mysteriously unnamed) as she deals with survivor’s guilt. She and four other girls were texted by a boy named Kyle. Only one replied—and she was raped and murdered for doing so. Our main character now struggles as, a year later, Kyle’s trial is coming up and she must testify.
This first thing I want to mention is the writing style. The way the story is told is absolutely mesmerizing. I genuinely cannot express how beautifully written this book is, so cue me being redundant and repetitive.
I also loved our characters! Lindsey, Charlie, and our main character were all fleshed out so well. I felt like they were real people, living a real life and struggling through real things. I love a character driven story, and that’s exactly what this was. The narrator was trying to find out how she could be okay with surviving when the “better person” was killed—and it could have just as easily been her. This internal struggle (that occasionally was voiced externally) was such a raw and emotional one to see. The author did a wonderful job of explaining what the character was going through.
Overall, I was so happy with “How She Died, How I Lived.” I was hesitant going into it because I was afraid it was going to be really out of my comfort zone, but I’m so glad I picked it up! I would absolutely recommend this to anyone.
I really, really enjoyed “How She Died, How I Lived,” much more than I was anticipating. I was expecting it to be a bit of a thriller, definitely on the darker side, but I was pleasantly surprised by the variety of emotion in this book. We follow our main character (who remains mysteriously unnamed) as she deals with survivor’s guilt. She and four other girls were texted by a boy named Kyle. Only one replied—and she was raped and murdered for doing so. Our main character now struggles as, a year later, Kyle’s trial is coming up and she must testify.
This first thing I want to mention is the writing style. The way the story is told is absolutely mesmerizing. I genuinely cannot express how beautifully written this book is, so cue me being redundant and repetitive.
I also loved our characters! Lindsey, Charlie, and our main character were all fleshed out so well. I felt like they were real people, living a real life and struggling through real things. I love a character driven story, and that’s exactly what this was. The narrator was trying to find out how she could be okay with surviving when the “better person” was killed—and it could have just as easily been her. This internal struggle (that occasionally was voiced externally) was such a raw and emotional one to see. The author did a wonderful job of explaining what the character was going through.
Overall, I was so happy with “How She Died, How I Lived.” I was hesitant going into it because I was afraid it was going to be really out of my comfort zone, but I’m so glad I picked it up! I would absolutely recommend this to anyone.
May 5, 2019
Is it weird to read a book and never know the name of the narrator?
And yet her voice was distinct, vulnerable, confused, angry, and questioning why she lived while her friend — sweet Jamie Strand — died at the hands of a former classmate.
A year later the narrator still battles survivor’s guilt as she befriends Jamie’s boyfriend. Adding to her guilt is the attraction to Charlie, who surprisingly returns the affection.
Out of all of this tragedy, the narrator finds hope and forgiveness while letting go of hate. It’s not easy, it’s not fair but it doesn’t have to be hard.
Be sure to read the author’s acknowledgments. Kudos for tackling such a difficult subject and emotional trauma with grace.
And yet her voice was distinct, vulnerable, confused, angry, and questioning why she lived while her friend — sweet Jamie Strand — died at the hands of a former classmate.
A year later the narrator still battles survivor’s guilt as she befriends Jamie’s boyfriend. Adding to her guilt is the attraction to Charlie, who surprisingly returns the affection.
Out of all of this tragedy, the narrator finds hope and forgiveness while letting go of hate. It’s not easy, it’s not fair but it doesn’t have to be hard.
Be sure to read the author’s acknowledgments. Kudos for tackling such a difficult subject and emotional trauma with grace.
June 22, 2019
This was good
It was very different from what I was expecting while buying it, but I did enjoy reading it
I thought it was going to be suspenseful, maybe even kind of scary, like a thriller because when you read the summary it seems that way
It was not, however, like a thriller.
Although it was different from what I thought and hoped it would be, it was still a good book
It was very different from what I was expecting while buying it, but I did enjoy reading it
I thought it was going to be suspenseful, maybe even kind of scary, like a thriller because when you read the summary it seems that way
It was not, however, like a thriller.
Although it was different from what I thought and hoped it would be, it was still a good book
March 19, 2020
Ik had behoefte aan wat lichter leesvoer in de onzekere Coronatijden. Ik had een onguur, spannend sfeertje van dit boek verwacht. Ik had niet verwacht dat dit boek zo intens zou zijn en zo onder mijn huid zou kruipen. Lezen ontspannend? Dit boek kroop ik mijn schouderspieren hoor :P
Dit boek heeft een onguur sfeertje à la Pretty Little Liars of Wij leugenaars, maar dan anders. Rauwer.
Survivors guilt speelt een hele grote rol in dit boek en het is heel sterk neergezet. Er wordt links en rechts ook gespeeld met de schrijfstijl, wat emoties, gevoelens en gedachten extra sterk neer weet te zetten.
Daarnaast heeft dit boek ook best een actueel haakje. Door alles wat er gebeurde, is het hoofdpersonage zich nog bewuster van haar kwetsbaarheid als tienermeisje in de huidige samenleving. Dat probleem wordt illustratief neergezet door een paar ongemakkelijke situaties die helaas al te realistisch zijn. En dan zonder belerend te zijn over hoe je ermee om zou kunnen gaan, maar gewoon echt vanuit het hoofdpersonage. Heel sterk.
Een uitgebreidere recensie van dit boek ga ik schrijven voor het blog van Monica, MyPerfectBooklife!
Dit boek heeft een onguur sfeertje à la Pretty Little Liars of Wij leugenaars, maar dan anders. Rauwer.
Survivors guilt speelt een hele grote rol in dit boek en het is heel sterk neergezet. Er wordt links en rechts ook gespeeld met de schrijfstijl, wat emoties, gevoelens en gedachten extra sterk neer weet te zetten.
Daarnaast heeft dit boek ook best een actueel haakje. Door alles wat er gebeurde, is het hoofdpersonage zich nog bewuster van haar kwetsbaarheid als tienermeisje in de huidige samenleving. Dat probleem wordt illustratief neergezet door een paar ongemakkelijke situaties die helaas al te realistisch zijn. En dan zonder belerend te zijn over hoe je ermee om zou kunnen gaan, maar gewoon echt vanuit het hoofdpersonage. Heel sterk.
Een uitgebreidere recensie van dit boek ga ik schrijven voor het blog van Monica, MyPerfectBooklife!
August 14, 2019
The kind of scenario that you pray nobody will ever experience.
Our narrator is what many of us would regard as lucky. She was one of five girls to receive a text from Kyle that summer day. The day one girl, Jamie, responded and he raped her, attacked her and killed her. Each of the girls who received a text has to live with the knowledge that it could have been them.
I can’t begin to think about how that would feel. You’d feel relief at living, but also fear of what could have been and the guilt that someone else suffered and it could have been you.
We get some details about the attack, but the main focus of the book is a year later when there are decisions being made as to whether or not Kyle should receive the death sentence.
This is a thoughtful unflinching look at some of the emotions experienced by those left behind. Powerful stuff.
Our narrator is what many of us would regard as lucky. She was one of five girls to receive a text from Kyle that summer day. The day one girl, Jamie, responded and he raped her, attacked her and killed her. Each of the girls who received a text has to live with the knowledge that it could have been them.
I can’t begin to think about how that would feel. You’d feel relief at living, but also fear of what could have been and the guilt that someone else suffered and it could have been you.
We get some details about the attack, but the main focus of the book is a year later when there are decisions being made as to whether or not Kyle should receive the death sentence.
This is a thoughtful unflinching look at some of the emotions experienced by those left behind. Powerful stuff.
April 18, 2019
Rounded up from 3.5. The premise of this new YA book fascinated me. It examines the aftermath of a tragic murder. Jamie was just eighteen and chose to answer the text of a friend on a lazy summer day. That day was her last, but she was not the only girl who got a text from the would-be murderer. Fast forward two years and it is time to sentence the accused. Our narrator is not named, but she was one of the four survivors. The sentencing stirs up emotions and turmoil in the community and draws the survivors together in bonds that are at times toxic. Will make the reader ponder forgiveness, justice and recovery. Contains both positive and negative responses to the tragedy giving us a balanced view of the community.
October 19, 2021
I have finally found that book I hate. Honestly, this book had potential but it was a really big flop. The topics in there of guilt, PTSD, trauma and grief were just very briefly talked about yet it's meant to be the root of the plot. Like yeah, we all know the characters were dealing with guilt and are grieving but how did it ACTUALLY affect them and their lives?? And the main character's relationship with Charlie does not make sense at all. There was absolutely no build-up and it went from point a straight to point z. I just really didn't like this book. It was bad.
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December 27, 2019Is it possible to give a book zero stars? This one deserves it. The best thing about it was when it ended.
January 11, 2020
The title alone drew me in from the shelf, not to mention the spine-chilling cover photo. Before I even understood the context of the book, I was interested. My field of reading has huddled in the ‘realistic fiction/mystery’ corner since I first dove into young adult literature, so this book was right up my alley of intriguing and suspenseful. I read the inside cover, expecting a story about the buildup to a murder with clues along the way that left a shocking surprise right on the last page. However, as I began digging into How She Died, How I Lived, I realized that the suspenseful murder had already happened, as if another entire story had been told beforehand and the new plot was just the aftermath. This was certainly a fresh take on the mystery/thrillers I have read in the past, which drew me in even further as I flipped each page.
How She Died, How I Lived was a whirlwind of shock from the first chapter. The narrator of the story, who is identified without a name (adding ominous feelings to the plot), is one of five victims who was contacted by a boy named Kyle Paxson. Innocently, the narrator believed Kyle had texted her simply to hang out (with the offer of drugs). In the absence of her reply, however, Kyle messaged four other girls with varying reasons for meeting up. One victim, a teenage girl named Jamie Strand, was kind enough to reply. However, the simple text she responded to resulted in Kyle brutally raping and murdering Jamie, leaving her lifeless body on the side of the road before he was caught by the police. Haunted by the extremely close possibility of ‘it could’ve been me’, the narrator bonds quickly with another of Kyle’s possible victims, Lindsey. The pair battle their immense guilt together, carrying the weight of a classmate’s murder on their shoulders every day. Jamie’s boyfriend, Charlie Hunt, is among the narrator’s school life as well, with barely a shell of himself left after the tragedy of losing the one he loved. As the narrator embarks on her senior year, she quickly finds life to be anything but the same as it was before Kyle. A strange attraction is discovered between Charlie and the narrator, who tries to contain her feelings in fear of the complexity that their relationship would bring. In a mess of a drunken party, Todd Firebaugh (a former friend of Kyle’s) harasses the narrator, leading to a defensive fist-fight between him and Charlie. Following the shameful, violent night, the narrator begins to feel and even stronger connection to the boy who essentially saved her. To add just a bit more to the narrator’s already full plate, Jared Hilley makes a strong presence in her life. Jared is an aspiring singer in a rock band who has very obvious feelings for the narrator, and invites her to watch him perform at a bar. While there, the overpowering magnet of Charlie draws her to him, when they brush by each other among the crowd. Jared begins to belt out a self-written love song dedicated entirely to the narrator, but her ambition takes over and leads to her first true connection with Charlie. Weeks pass, and the pair develop into a ‘couple’ of sorts - two people on the same side of a horrible story who found each other. Charlie’s behavior begins to drone in and out, for he goes silent during times of mourning and remembering Jamie. The narrator soon realizes how difficult their battle has become, jumping day-to-day from glorious date nights to silent treatment. Lindsey faces a romance of her own, with a football player named Robert who has made her believe she’s in love, until he cheats. The girls are momentarily distracted from the sickening thought of Kyle, until they receive creepily random gifts with the note ‘it’s not your fault’. A threat? An apology? Horrible theories begin to form between Lindsey and the narrator, thinking that the notes are somehow deliveries from Kyle. Putting on the mode of detective, the girls follow Todd around town as he does suspicious things, hoping to find any sort of connection to Kyle in his secrecy. What they do end up with, however, is Todd finding them in a mass of anger before sneaking off to the safety of their car. The two also discover that Todd’s behavior has no connection to them, relieving the ‘what if?’ in their minds. Towards the conclusion of the story, Lindsey, the narrator, and two of the other almost-victims have to face Kyle in court, the sentence of his life or death. In a conflicting final statement, Kyle is given life in prison rather than the death penalty. The news has extremely mixed reactions, with an almost relieved narrator but a very angry Charlie. The entire boiling of the case brings sighs of reassurance in its conclusion, allowing the story to end on a peaceful and upbeat note. The narrator, who discovered that Kyle’s grandmother had sent the note in an apology, leaves the reader with the relief that she can forgive the weight that she carries, and allow herself to be present and content with her life.
How She Died, How I Lived was an incredible journey for not only the characters, but also the reader. I thoroughly enjoyed how connected I felt to each person in the story, and I felt the feelings of guilt and hatred for Kyle to be relatable. The book managed to draw the emotions out of the characters and bring them to life in the audience, for I found myself in a mix of disappointment, sadness, happiness and so much more with each chapter. I also loved how each chapter was no more than five pages. The short split up design of the story made it feel much less dragged out, with a fast pace that keeps the reader intrigued. I was nervous for the end of this book, as many often leave the conclusion on an unsatisfactory note. However, the positive end gave a new perspective to the outlook of the narrator, and also myself. The book as a whole made me appreciate my relationships with my peers and all that I have been given in my life.
There is little negative that I can say about the story, so much that I struggle to find any major issues. Almost the only thing that I found myself disappointed in was Charlie’s behavior as his relationship with the narrator progressed. His silence and sudden dreadful demeanor is understandable in context, but also made it frustrating to follow their relationship while reading. The constant up and down of their connection became complicated on an entirely new level, and added just a bit too much confusion to the complexity of the plot. Nevertheless, How She Died, How I Lived was a very emotionally engaging and interesting story that I thoroughly enjoyed.
How She Died, How I Lived was a whirlwind of shock from the first chapter. The narrator of the story, who is identified without a name (adding ominous feelings to the plot), is one of five victims who was contacted by a boy named Kyle Paxson. Innocently, the narrator believed Kyle had texted her simply to hang out (with the offer of drugs). In the absence of her reply, however, Kyle messaged four other girls with varying reasons for meeting up. One victim, a teenage girl named Jamie Strand, was kind enough to reply. However, the simple text she responded to resulted in Kyle brutally raping and murdering Jamie, leaving her lifeless body on the side of the road before he was caught by the police. Haunted by the extremely close possibility of ‘it could’ve been me’, the narrator bonds quickly with another of Kyle’s possible victims, Lindsey. The pair battle their immense guilt together, carrying the weight of a classmate’s murder on their shoulders every day. Jamie’s boyfriend, Charlie Hunt, is among the narrator’s school life as well, with barely a shell of himself left after the tragedy of losing the one he loved. As the narrator embarks on her senior year, she quickly finds life to be anything but the same as it was before Kyle. A strange attraction is discovered between Charlie and the narrator, who tries to contain her feelings in fear of the complexity that their relationship would bring. In a mess of a drunken party, Todd Firebaugh (a former friend of Kyle’s) harasses the narrator, leading to a defensive fist-fight between him and Charlie. Following the shameful, violent night, the narrator begins to feel and even stronger connection to the boy who essentially saved her. To add just a bit more to the narrator’s already full plate, Jared Hilley makes a strong presence in her life. Jared is an aspiring singer in a rock band who has very obvious feelings for the narrator, and invites her to watch him perform at a bar. While there, the overpowering magnet of Charlie draws her to him, when they brush by each other among the crowd. Jared begins to belt out a self-written love song dedicated entirely to the narrator, but her ambition takes over and leads to her first true connection with Charlie. Weeks pass, and the pair develop into a ‘couple’ of sorts - two people on the same side of a horrible story who found each other. Charlie’s behavior begins to drone in and out, for he goes silent during times of mourning and remembering Jamie. The narrator soon realizes how difficult their battle has become, jumping day-to-day from glorious date nights to silent treatment. Lindsey faces a romance of her own, with a football player named Robert who has made her believe she’s in love, until he cheats. The girls are momentarily distracted from the sickening thought of Kyle, until they receive creepily random gifts with the note ‘it’s not your fault’. A threat? An apology? Horrible theories begin to form between Lindsey and the narrator, thinking that the notes are somehow deliveries from Kyle. Putting on the mode of detective, the girls follow Todd around town as he does suspicious things, hoping to find any sort of connection to Kyle in his secrecy. What they do end up with, however, is Todd finding them in a mass of anger before sneaking off to the safety of their car. The two also discover that Todd’s behavior has no connection to them, relieving the ‘what if?’ in their minds. Towards the conclusion of the story, Lindsey, the narrator, and two of the other almost-victims have to face Kyle in court, the sentence of his life or death. In a conflicting final statement, Kyle is given life in prison rather than the death penalty. The news has extremely mixed reactions, with an almost relieved narrator but a very angry Charlie. The entire boiling of the case brings sighs of reassurance in its conclusion, allowing the story to end on a peaceful and upbeat note. The narrator, who discovered that Kyle’s grandmother had sent the note in an apology, leaves the reader with the relief that she can forgive the weight that she carries, and allow herself to be present and content with her life.
How She Died, How I Lived was an incredible journey for not only the characters, but also the reader. I thoroughly enjoyed how connected I felt to each person in the story, and I felt the feelings of guilt and hatred for Kyle to be relatable. The book managed to draw the emotions out of the characters and bring them to life in the audience, for I found myself in a mix of disappointment, sadness, happiness and so much more with each chapter. I also loved how each chapter was no more than five pages. The short split up design of the story made it feel much less dragged out, with a fast pace that keeps the reader intrigued. I was nervous for the end of this book, as many often leave the conclusion on an unsatisfactory note. However, the positive end gave a new perspective to the outlook of the narrator, and also myself. The book as a whole made me appreciate my relationships with my peers and all that I have been given in my life.
There is little negative that I can say about the story, so much that I struggle to find any major issues. Almost the only thing that I found myself disappointed in was Charlie’s behavior as his relationship with the narrator progressed. His silence and sudden dreadful demeanor is understandable in context, but also made it frustrating to follow their relationship while reading. The constant up and down of their connection became complicated on an entirely new level, and added just a bit too much confusion to the complexity of the plot. Nevertheless, How She Died, How I Lived was a very emotionally engaging and interesting story that I thoroughly enjoyed.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 6, 2022
i give this book a solid 3.5
it was a very interesting book to read and to see how fast your life can change and how much different one event can make it and how you see things
it was a very interesting book to read and to see how fast your life can change and how much different one event can make it and how you see things
February 4, 2019
This is hard to review...I feel bad giving 5 stars to a book about a teenage girl being murdered.
I just feel that it was written so well. It's told from the perspective of another teenage girl and her struggle with survivor's guilt.
When murder is committed, the age of the victim doesn't matter, it's still horrible. I think when it happens to a teenager, it's worse for the friends (and family) of the victim. Teenagers feel so invincible, they're at the high point of their lives and murder/violence just doesn't happen in their circle. When it does happen, and especially in the same circumstances as described in this book, they're left with more questions than answers.
This book would be awesome for a book club to read and discuss.
Highly recommended for ages 16 and up. Although this falls under the genre Young Adult, I think adults can definitely benefit from reading this as well.
I just feel that it was written so well. It's told from the perspective of another teenage girl and her struggle with survivor's guilt.
When murder is committed, the age of the victim doesn't matter, it's still horrible. I think when it happens to a teenager, it's worse for the friends (and family) of the victim. Teenagers feel so invincible, they're at the high point of their lives and murder/violence just doesn't happen in their circle. When it does happen, and especially in the same circumstances as described in this book, they're left with more questions than answers.
This book would be awesome for a book club to read and discuss.
Highly recommended for ages 16 and up. Although this falls under the genre Young Adult, I think adults can definitely benefit from reading this as well.
January 1, 2019
A solid 3 star read. This is the story of dealing with survivor’s guilt and reconciling anger and forgiveness. I like that it explores both options and that the narrator remains unnamed - this story could be any of ours.
January 7, 2022
At first I wasn't entirely sure that this book really amounted to anything in the end but i think it addressed grief, guilt, and fear of living your own life in an extremely realistic but profound and respectful way. I also loved the style of this book with inconsistent chapter lengths and the amount of dialogue, I think all in all it was really well done and I recommend!!
December 1, 2018
Hated the love interest in this one. Ugh. Review to come
September 22, 2022
• DNF at 17%•
idk if this was supposed to be a mystery. if it was… it got solved after the first 40 pages. It read really young and there was just nothing interesting to keep my attention
idk if this was supposed to be a mystery. if it was… it got solved after the first 40 pages. It read really young and there was just nothing interesting to keep my attention
February 7, 2021
Niet echt wat ik verwacht had van dit boek, ik had niet echt een band met de personages en het verhaal leek een beetje vaag. Charlie, wiens vriendin is vermoord een jaar geleden, krijgt precies niet de tijd over de gebeurtenis heen te komen, om het een plek te geven. Ik bedoel, zoiets heb je nooit in een jaar een plek gegeven.
De hoofdstukken waren kort waardoor het boek redelijk vlot vooruit ging en de schrijfstijl was speciaal, bijna poëtisch precies.
Niet echt een boek voor mij.
2/5.
De hoofdstukken waren kort waardoor het boek redelijk vlot vooruit ging en de schrijfstijl was speciaal, bijna poëtisch precies.
Niet echt een boek voor mij.
2/5.
August 2, 2022
Teenagers goes through and share experiences when a friend has been brutally murdered. Each story comes together to make one.
November 12, 2018
First, let me say that I should have checked to see who the target audience was before I started this book. The book cover says 14+, so I am going to take that to mean that it is considered to be YA. After reading the book, I would definitely agree that it is written for a high schooler. The topics are probably a little too heavy for a middle reader. Because I didn't realize that the book was written for 14-18 year olds, I initially struggled with the simplicity of the writing. However, if I had read this book as a high school girl, I would have loved it.
Mary Crockett is also a poet as well as a novelist. I found that to be very clear as she had the characters reciting poetry, performing Shakespeare, and quoting song lyrics. Poetry is not my cup of tea, but I know it resonates with many teenagers.
I found the story itself to be well written. The characters were all relatable as high school kids. There was one character that I felt didn't add to the story and was left hanging at the end. The parents did frustrate me because as a parent, because I would have all these children in therapy for going through the trauma that they had experienced.
Overall, I do think that this book would be a good read for a teenager.
Mary Crockett is also a poet as well as a novelist. I found that to be very clear as she had the characters reciting poetry, performing Shakespeare, and quoting song lyrics. Poetry is not my cup of tea, but I know it resonates with many teenagers.
I found the story itself to be well written. The characters were all relatable as high school kids. There was one character that I felt didn't add to the story and was left hanging at the end. The parents did frustrate me because as a parent, because I would have all these children in therapy for going through the trauma that they had experienced.
Overall, I do think that this book would be a good read for a teenager.
October 29, 2018
Disclaimer: I received this book from KidLitExchange. Thanks! All opinions are my own.
Rating: 3/5
Publication Date: November 13th, 2018
Genre: YA Contemporary
Recommended Age: 15+ (survivor’s guilt, tragedy, regret, grief, mature scenes, romance) (trigger warning for rape and murder)
Pages: 416
Author Website
Amazon Link
Synopsis: I was one of five. The five girls Kyle texted that day. The girls it could have been. Only Jamie--beautiful, saintly Jamie--was kind enough to respond. And it got her killed.
On the eve of Kyle's sentencing a year after Jamie's death, all the other "chosen ones" are coping in various ways. But our tenacious narrator is full of anger, stuck somewhere between the horrifying past and the unknown future as she tries to piece together why she gets to live, while Jamie is dead.
Now she finds herself drawn to Charlie, Jamie's boyfriend--knowing all the while that their relationship will always be haunted by what-ifs and why-nots. Is hope possible in the face of such violence? Is forgiveness? How do you go on living when you know it could have been you instead?
I felt this story was okay. The characters were interesting and the plot was developed. The premise behind this book is really intriguing as well and I think it’s worth a read if you’re interested.
However, I feel that the book was really really confusing. I got lost in the world constantly and I feel that the writing style didn’t help my confusion. The book really frustrated me and at the end I just skimmed over a lot of this book.
Verdict: It’s worth the read if you can get through the text.
Rating: 3/5
Publication Date: November 13th, 2018
Genre: YA Contemporary
Recommended Age: 15+ (survivor’s guilt, tragedy, regret, grief, mature scenes, romance) (trigger warning for rape and murder)
Pages: 416
Author Website
Amazon Link
Synopsis: I was one of five. The five girls Kyle texted that day. The girls it could have been. Only Jamie--beautiful, saintly Jamie--was kind enough to respond. And it got her killed.
On the eve of Kyle's sentencing a year after Jamie's death, all the other "chosen ones" are coping in various ways. But our tenacious narrator is full of anger, stuck somewhere between the horrifying past and the unknown future as she tries to piece together why she gets to live, while Jamie is dead.
Now she finds herself drawn to Charlie, Jamie's boyfriend--knowing all the while that their relationship will always be haunted by what-ifs and why-nots. Is hope possible in the face of such violence? Is forgiveness? How do you go on living when you know it could have been you instead?
I felt this story was okay. The characters were interesting and the plot was developed. The premise behind this book is really intriguing as well and I think it’s worth a read if you’re interested.
However, I feel that the book was really really confusing. I got lost in the world constantly and I feel that the writing style didn’t help my confusion. The book really frustrated me and at the end I just skimmed over a lot of this book.
Verdict: It’s worth the read if you can get through the text.
June 20, 2019
Wow!! This book was such a page-turner. I loved how it was written and found the style to be quite effective.
My only wish is that it could’ve gone into the reasoning why the horrible event spurring this story occurred, but I 100% understand that that wasn’t the point of the book. It was a book about learning to be okay with living in the aftermath of tragedy, and I think that the book did just that in telling this story. Beyond glad I read it!!
My only wish is that it could’ve gone into the reasoning why the horrible event spurring this story occurred, but I 100% understand that that wasn’t the point of the book. It was a book about learning to be okay with living in the aftermath of tragedy, and I think that the book did just that in telling this story. Beyond glad I read it!!
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