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How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't

3.86  ·  Rating details ·  2,057 ratings  ·  450 reviews
The former Sex & Relationships Editor for Cosmopolitan and host of the wildly popular comedy show Tinder Live with Lane Moore presents her poignant, funny, and deeply moving first book.

Lane Moore is a rare performer who is as impressive onstage—whether hosting her iconic show Tinder Live or being the enigmatic front woman of It Was Romance—as she is on the page, as bot
Paperback, 224 pages
Published November 6th 2018 by Atria Books
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3.86  · 
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 ·  2,057 ratings  ·  450 reviews

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I am pleased that I was given the chance to read this book but I was left with confusion on what exactly I read. I felt that the message and title of the book was very misleading. I thought it was going to be about people that are alone and how to overcome the challenges that are associated with being alone. But, the story was focused primarily about Lane Moore's life and "not being alone."

I think that being "alone" can mean different things to different people and clearly I feel that the messag
Nov 09, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2018, net-galley
An authentic and raw memoir told with humor and honesty....

For anybody that has ever felt lonelier in a room full of people than they would if they were Buy themselves.... this is not a self-help book it is a memoir... Lane Moore has laid herself bare in these poignant essays about human connection... from a troubled child, to a tragic teenager, to a triumphant adult... Lane Moore has struggled throughout with making connections that some of us take for granted....

I thoroughly enjoyed Lane’s ins
Joshunda Sanders
Nov 07, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This review originally appeared in Bitch Magazine:
Dear Lane,

Initially, I was skeptical about reading your memoir How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don’t. “How to be alone?” my lady brain snarked. “How to be in a relationship that lasts longer than six months is what I need.” I’ve been single for most of my adult life, and I’ve attended a lot of therapy about it. Despite the fact that there were 110 million unmarried people in the United States in 2016, it’s still hard to be a sin
Oct 29, 2018 rated it it was ok
A very misleading title/premise for this book. It has nothing to do with loneliness or solitary person, it’s more like a biography, very personal, about the author and her own experience with solitude/and not. Closer to a biography, no reflexion or explanation here. If you love this author/person you may enjoy it, but if you are looking for something to help yourself, this isn’t the right book!
Nov 06, 2018 rated it it was ok
So here's the thing. On paper, I think I am supposed to fall all over myself about this book. It's a series of essays from a comedian who lives in New York and writes for publications I know and does comedy shows in places I frequent. reality, I could not connect with this book.

Lane Moore is a talented writer, that's a fact. However I couldn't connect with these essays. With a title of "How to Be Alone" I assumed this would focus on empowering oneself to be an independent person, livin
Jan 02, 2019 rated it did not like it
If you think being a conventionally attractive white woman is easy, think again. There has never been anyone on earth who’s had it harder than Lane Moore. She’s the most underprivileged person alive. Her parents were shittier than any other humans that have ever had children before or since. Her boyfriends were all monsters. Every apartment was a slum.

“I truly don’t know anyone with a family who doesn’t use them like a fucking credit card with every dollar matched by cash back rewards.” Bitch.
Dec 31, 2018 rated it did not like it
The author's thoughts, actions and life are not interesting enough to warrant a book. Neither is her writing.

Insipid, at best.

Memorable quote:

When you have a lot of shine to you, as so many bighearted people often do, you can attract a lot of people easily, because people are drawn to it, that kind of light. It can be so easy to forget that not everyone deserves your shine. But when you spend so much of your earliest years being told you have no shine at all, even though you're pretty sure maybe
Sep 10, 2018 rated it it was ok
Like some of the other reviewers, I was disappointed to find that this book of essays focuses mainly, though not exclusively, on the author's search for a romantic relationship. I was expecting a collection about connecting with yourself and learning to enjoy spending quality time with yourself as a way of recharging from socializing. I identified with some of the author's struggles to connect with other people, and her desperate need for a secure attachment. However, the overall feel of the col ...more
Jan 09, 2019 rated it did not like it
This book has 15 chapters. I only enjoyed two.

A couple of my issues with this book:

1. It feels like this author is whining for 80% of the book.

2.It is hard for me to understand why she stays in relationships that are clearly causing her.

I did thoroughly enjoy the chapter on Jim Harper.
Jan 24, 2019 rated it did not like it
Shelves: 2019
How to be alone: mention your disappointing childhood every other sentence. The end.
Sep 06, 2018 rated it it was amazing
*I received an advanced readers copy of this book, but all opinions are 100% my own.* How to Be Alone is the soon to be released book by Lane Moore. If you haven’t heard of her yet, I’m confident one day soon you will. Lane Moore is a comedian, musician, writer, and host of Tinder Live.

Though technically How to Be Alone is an autobiography, it’s more than that. Lane Moore’s book is touching, witty, and relatable. It discusses inadequacy, loneliness, longing for love, and finding your place in th
Huma Rashid
Dec 10, 2018 rated it did not like it
I got this bc I’d seen great reviews and love memoirs, but OMG it is basically unreadable. I hated it. And I don’t like the author at all. Ugh.
Oct 11, 2018 rated it it was ok
I didn't know anything about Lane Moore before reading her book but if I did I wouldn't have "wished" for it. I found the swearing throughout to be offensive and perhaps this is Lane's no nonsense way of speaking her truth, but it wasn't something I liked. I thought the title of her book and message misleading. I thought this book was going to be a survival guide for loners, but instead it was a series of chapters about Lane, ironically not being alone. There is a difference between being alone ...more
Amanda Helling
Nov 11, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Utterly fucking delightful.

How to Be Alone is funny and intense. It was a quick read for me, I think... Or I got so lost in it that I had no idea time was passing. Either way, it felt quick (in the best possible way). Moore's approach to story-telling is down-to-Earth and so funny that I laughed out loud repeatedly.

I was hesitant at first about the vernacular style of the writing: that hesitancy wore off quickly. Reading Moore's words, I could imagine a real person talking to me, curse words an
Dec 29, 2018 rated it did not like it
Shelves: 2018-read
First essay aside, this one is kind of a stinker. It's not at all about "How to Be Alone." Instead it's a collection of vague, loosely-joined autobiographical essays about Moore's dating tragedies and triumphs and her shitty family. All tell, zero show, and little explanation about why she made the choices she made. It's as though she doesn't even realize that she made choices. Bleh. Super disappointing.
Audree Johnson
Nov 12, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I just finished this and I'm border-line ugly crying. I'm so thankful that Lane wrote this and put so much of herself in it no matter how hard it might have been. I feel seen in a lot of new ways and I felt encouraged by Lane's ability to see such beautiful things even through and in spite of the pain in her past. I wanted to be her friend before but now I ESPECIALY wish we were friends! She's rad, everyone should read this book. What a gift.
Nov 13, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I started reading this book on the subway coming home from the library because my phone went dead and so I couldn't listen to podcasts and play stupid games. I got home, walking still reading it and 2 hours later realized I was still wearing an underwire bra because I hadn't put the book down yet. At 7:15 I decided that I needed to eat something and so put down the book and started writing about how much I like this book so you would all know as soon as possible.
Jan 06, 2019 rated it it was ok
The depressed, self centered ramblings of a chronically depressed woman about how horrible all her relationships are got old pretty fast. Basically a memoir of a very mundane woman with little excitement in her life. If I wasn’t reading this for a book club, it would have taken a place on my shelf for booms I couldn’t force myself to finish. It was very anti-climatic. There were a couple interesting points, but I kept finding my self skimming sections in hopes of reaching the end.
Dec 28, 2018 rated it it was ok
I don't know I guess this is well written. It's just not for me. I felt like sending her a therapy bill for having to grind through all these tedious stories about her struggle to be with other people and to be alone, and her life trauma. She's a comedian so it's passably funny sometimes but not like HAHAHA funny (at all). Just blah.
Andrea McDowell
Beautifully written and sitting somewhere between memoir and self-help, which may turn some people off, but not to fear: there's no checklists or journaling exercises here, just some heartfelt messages from an author who wants her readers to love themselves.

This is what it's like to fumble your way through adulthood when you spent your childhood with dysfunctional, broken people who hurt you and blamed you for making them hurt you. Even when everything looks like you've got it all together and
Mar 23, 2019 rated it it was ok
2.5 ⭐

A bit of a misleading title - this is a memoir about the author's struggle with depression & trauma. From a very young age she had no support system or someone she felt confident defining as "family".

The writing style was the opposite of what I normally enjoy, so that didn't help. I think this is being marketed as something quite different to what it actually is & it's not doing the book any justice.
Amanda Van Parys
It's been a while since I've read a book [basically] in one sitting. I really enjoyed this memoir that I didn't know was a memoir when I started reading it! Sad, funny, witty, and insightful. A great read if you're struggling with your personal history and identity. A great read even if you're not.
Brittany Labinger
Aug 13, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: queer, health, memoir
This book will make you feel seen. I really want Lane Moore to be my friend now.
Meg - A Bookish Affair
Nov 24, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2018, memoir, non-fiction
"How to be Alone" is a memoir by Lane Moore, most well known as an advice columnist or as the host of "Tinder Live." This memoir is filled with different stories from Moore's life that run the gamut of emotions, from heart-wrenching to hilarious. I didn't know what to expect from this book but was happy that I picked it up!

The book opens with a particularly sad story about how Lane Moore feels terribly alone to the point where she has no idea who to put down for an emergency contact. She feels l
Sep 16, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Many of us know Lane Moore for her comedy show, Tinder Live, while others may connect her name to her band, It Was Romance. What is certain is that if you weren’t already a die-hard fan of her vast scope of work, you will be once you’ve read her latest brilliance – a published collection of personal essays titled How to Be Alone: If You Want to, and Even If You Don’t.

While there is nothing impersonal about song-writing or sharing your Tinder account with a room full of strangers, How to Be Alone
Oct 18, 2018 rated it it was amazing
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Lane Moore is the cutest human, creating relatable comedic material that is so raw, you’ll want to cry and cuddle with her— partly because she point-blank states that she craves comfortable, platonic cuddling, and partly because you’ve realized, while reading, how much you crave it, too. And by the way, yes, I can say a woman is ‘cute’ and still be a feminist. I’m not saying it in a condescending way. I genuinely find Moore’s outlook on life and her s
May 03, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: audio-book
The title, cover, and general marketing of this book are baffling to me. This is, clean and simple, a memoir. It's written by Lane Moore, a comedienne of internet fame, and it's about her not having any family ties or a support system. I'm not sure if the publisher didn't think her name and image could carry the book or what, but this is NOT a book with general information and experience. It's Moore's stories.

I did find her meditation on what it's like to have zero family quite interesting. She
Stephanie LiVigni
Nov 13, 2018 rated it it was amazing
When I preordered this book, I felt like it was coming at just the right time in my life. Having now inhaled it in one sitting, I don't think there could have ever been a wrong time.

Moore can't help but imbibe every page with humor, regardless of the subject matter, and even when I was reading through tears (which I did no less than six times, folks!) I was laughing out loud.

I've struggled since high school with how to navigate romantic relationships. I wrote a paper in my junior year about my
Nov 27, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This is more than a memoir; this book invites you to into a confessional contract, the intimate trust of a deep story well told. Balancing candor and humor and pain and bravery in equal parts, Moore's "How to Be Alone" isn't an instructional manual, it's a demonstration closely tendered. You'll probably laugh sometimes and cry sometimes and think about all the people you've loved you couldn't connect with. But the biggest gift is that you'll look back on yourself over the years and see not only ...more
Jan 02, 2019 added it
Shelves: own, unrated
This book was not what I expected it to be.

I thought it would be an advice book. Because I spend a lot of time alone - by choice - and when I saw this book I thought I'd get tips on how to do it better.

But this book is really a collection of autobiographical essays about a really sad life of abuse and neglect. It covers everything from what it's like to be neglected and abandoned by parents, living in a car with nowhere to go, getting into some dodgy situations and not having anyone to call to
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Lane Moore is an award-winning stand-up comedian, writer, actor, and musician living in New York City. Paste Magazine named her #19 of the 75 Funniest People On Twitter, Brooklyn Magazine named her one of The 50 Funniest People in Brooklyn, BUST Magazine named her one of 10 Funny Ladies You Need To Be Watching, and Village Voice named her “Queen Of Disdain,” in their Best Of New York issue, Out Ma ...more
“The Friend Zone, while not always ideal, is still a goddamn gift, and really, the definition of true love. If you love someone, or even just care about them, as you claim to, you don’t mind the Friend Zone at all, because sure, fine, you don’t get to French them and stuff, but you get to know them and be close to them and hear all the dumb things that run through their minds and all the brilliant things that they don’t even know are brilliant. You get to know them and share the same air, and you’re alive at the same time, which is a gift in and of itself. If you don’t want the Friend Zone, you don’t want the girl. Simple as that.” 10 likes
“When you have a lot of shine to you, as so many bighearted people often do, you can attract a lot of people easily, because people are drawn to it, that kind of light. It can be so easy to forget that not everyone deserves your shine. But when you spend so much of your earliest years being told you have no shine at all, even though you're pretty sure maybe you do, and someone finally tells you they see it too, you do, you have it, you want to give them everything. Because of this, more often than not, you're not falling in love with them, you're using them as a way to fall in love with yourself.” 6 likes
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