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Agnes and the Hitman

3.94  ·  Rating details ·  19,209 ratings  ·  1,741 reviews
Take one food writer named Cranky Agnes, add a hitman named Shane, mix them together with a Southern mob wedding, a missing necklace, two annoyed flamingos, and a dog named Rhett and you've got a recipe for a sexy, hilarious novel about the disastrous side of true love…

Agnes Crandall's life goes awry when a dognapper invades her kitchen one night, seriously hampering her a
Hardcover, 421 pages
Published August 21st 2007 by St. Martin's Press
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Average rating 3.94  · 
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 ·  19,209 ratings  ·  1,741 reviews

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Em Lost In Books
Despite its flaws this made me smile, and I really liked the humor in here. A fun story.
Aug 31, 2019 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I'm still on the fence about Jennifer Crusie's books. They ride a very fine line between hilarious and hectic & stupid. There are always tons of characters and some of them are hard to tell apart because the names and personalities are similar or generic. It's like the Broadway show "Cats". Do I like this? Or, am I extremely annoyed right now?

Funny? Yes.
Annoying? Also yes.

There is zero believability as well. If you are like me, you will become frustrated because of this. It's really better if yo
Algernon (Darth Anyan)
Nov 22, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2017
To Do List, she thought. Feed cast of thousands, several of whom are killers and one of whom is an underage dognapper now living illegally in my barn. Plan flamingo wedding. Remember not to screw hitman's brains out again even though he's really hot. Find nice normal guy without gun permit. [...]
Take revenge on the sleazy bitch who's trying to swindle me out of my dream house,
It was going to be a very busy day.

This is screwball comedy at its best, a very entertaining surprise for my summer read
Kelly (and the Book Boar)
Find all of my reviews at:

2.5 Stars

Jennifer Crusie is an author that one of the nicest people I work with is constantly recommending to me. Allow me to do what I do and use some gifs to explain the difference in our personality types. If we were Disney princesses, she would be . . . .

And I would be . . . .

I just assumed my reaction to her go-to-gal would be . . . .

But then she finally wore me down and I gave Bet Me a chance and it was pretty alri
"... your ass is grass and I am a John Deere super-classic riding lawn mower with a V6 engine and a double cutting blade, do I make myself clear?" - Agnes Crandall a/k/a Cranky Agnes

Don't you just love Jennifer Crusie's dry sense of humor?

Things turn south for Agnes Crandall's wedding catering business when a dognapper invades her kitchen holding a gun. Agnes whallops him upside the head with a castiron skillet, knocking him thru a hidden door in her kitchen and killing him. An unexpected hero -
May 13, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I gave 4 stars to a romantic, comedic, murder mystery. Amazing, but so was the book. It was the great combination of setting, mystery, & especially the characters starting with Agnes.

Angry Agnes is pretty, a wonderful cook, & wears black rimmed glasses. She's smart (an author) & really a nice person, but she tends to see red occasionally - a dangerous combination as she spends a lot of time in the kitchen where sharp implements & heavy pans tend to be at hand. One of the things I liked the most
Apr 11, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Everyone with a sense of the ridiculous
Shelves: 2008
I thoroughly enjoyed this book!! I enjoyed Crusie/Mayer's first book Don't look back as well but this was better.

Agnes and Shane were wonderful. Just enough baggage and angst to keep the chemistry lively. I thought the supporting cast of characters was awesome. My favourites being LL and Garth.

I wouldn't class this as a mystery or romance but there is enough of both to satisfy readers of both genres. I would call this a 'fun' read. It was great. Can't wait for the next one.

Ppl should read thi
Rayne ♥
This was so boring. I felt like falling asleep about a million times. There is no suspense nor excitement in this book. It's generic (though it has a unique concept) and the characters are so 1 dimensional it hurts to read about them. I also hate how there's two POVS, WHY CAN'T I EVER FIND A GOOD ROMANCE BOOK WITH ONE POV? Sometimes multiple POVS can be good, but in this case, it's not. It doesn't add anything to the story and the guy's POV was like reading a cliche & corny action novel with an ...more
This book was a pleasant surprise. It's a great mix of chick lit and suspense. Full of murders, cooking, mobsters, and wedding prep - a combo that worked, believe it or not, and gave me plenty to chew on, keeping track of it all. It even earned a few chuckles from me - which is not easy, since I hardly ever get things that are supposed to be funny. ...more
Nov 22, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Bonnie by: Marie
The Storyline
Agnes is not your normal chick-lit heroine. The fact that she’s known as ‘Cranky Agnes’ could give you an idea. The fact that she’s used a frying pan in more ways than just cooking (I’ll give you a hint, one guy now has a metal plate in his head) could also give you another idea. There’s also an incident with a meat fork but I won’t spoil the fun for you. Or maybe it’s the mental conversations she has with her therapist.

”Fuck you,” Agnes said, bent over the edge of the cake.
Angry la
Jul 25, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Chick-Lit Lovers, Chick-Lit Mystery, Funny, People who love Frying Pan's
Recommended to Marie by: Carrie
**5++++ stars**

Have you ever read a book that you finish but within 2-4 days you are ready to read it again? This is that book for me. I have loved several books in my lifetime. This book was easily one of my favorite books ever.

I think between the humor, violence, humor again, romance, friendships, minor characters, and even the dog, between it all I fell in love with this book.

Agnes is a cookbook author. She also has a column about cooking titled Cranky Agnes. She is armed and dangerous, with
Bark  |  Laurie  |  LOHF
Narrator: Sandra Burr
Length: 12 hours and 9 minutes
Published by Brilliance Audio, August 2007

We all know a narrator can make or break an audiobook. What I didn’t know was that studio effects can do it too. Narrator Sandra Burr does a decent job with the characters here. I can tell who is who and that is always a bonus when a book contains too many zany characters. Burr’s narration of Agnes is a little too upbeat at times (Agnes is supposed to be cranky) but for the most part she is pretty spot o
Hilariously funny. The main protagonist, Agnes, who has anger management issues, and a levelheaded, even-tempered (mostly) hitman. There is a crazy sabotaged wedding, a grandma of the bride who is nuts and deadly, 25 year old secrets, the mob, a dozen dead bodies and a best friend who passes the Bechdel test with flying colours.

“Do not shoot Three Wheels. Save yourself for Grandpa Four Wheels, who sent both boys.”
“I’m not going to shoot Three Wheels,” Shane said, exasperated. “What do you think
Oct 31, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Agnes and the Hitman by Jennifer Crusie

Out of all the books that Jennifer and Bob have written together, I have to tell you THIS one is the only one I think is worth reading. Not only reading once but also re-reading repeatedly! I don’t know how many times I have re-read this book, and I’m still as in love with the story and the characters as I am the very first time I read it!

This is a sexy, funny, mysterious read and a bit of a roller-coaster ride. This is a story containing major deceptions,
Jane Stewart
2 ½ stars. Some readers may find this fun, but it wasn’t my kind of humor. It had a slapstick quality.

Brenda does many awful things to Agnes and others throughout the book. Other bad guys are also doing bad things. But nothing is provable so no cop does anything (or they don’t look for evidence). The purpose is to give Agnes setbacks and problems to solve. Her responses and reactions are the best part of the story. Agnes is free with her anger. She hits and threatens with frying pans and meat fo
Aug 30, 2017 rated it liked it
Shelves: 2017
This is a fast-paced romantic comedy with a protagonist that's funny and refreshing in her own special, anger-filled way. If you like physical comedy in books, romance with vivid sexual descriptions (I mean like really vivid), and murder whodunit mysteries with a dash of rich bitch and a dollop of Italian gangsters thrown in, then this book is for you.

Not that it matters, but I personally didn't care for the explicit lust because I'm a fuddy-duddy who prefers much more subtlety, old-fashioned co
Sep 21, 2017 rated it really liked it
This book was so cute! Granted, there are a lot of people getting killed, but it was still cute.
Agnes is determined to have her goddaughter's wedding at her new house that is being refurbished. Meanwhile we have a crazy granny who keeps putting up barriers, old mob bosses, dead bodies, stollen loot, and a hot hitman.
Agnes just keeps juggling all these things around while alternating the use of her frypan with cooking breakfast and hitting bad guys in the head.
Important lesson; never make t
MrsJoseph *grouchy*

5 star read!

“Angry welts on the face. Agnes and her hot raspberry sauce.

Blood underneath the dirty hair. Agnes and her frying pan.

Neck twisted and broken. Agnes and her unknown basement with no stairs.

Joey’s Little Agnes didn’t need protecting, but he might stay and put up some warning signs for unsuspecting intruders. Something like BEWARE OF THE COOK or AGNES KILLS.”

What can I say? I love this book!

“…Agnes came around the counter, her arms full o
Aug 12, 2008 rated it it was amazing
It is kind of hard to categorize this book by Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer. It's more a sassy-chick-lit meets hardboiled adventure novel meets screwball comedy. I read their first book Don't Look Down and just about laughed my butt off. This one is even better, the action and narrative are tighter and more continuous. These two very divergent writers are on to something.

Agnes is "Cranky Agnes" the nationally syndicated food columnist and cook book author, living in South Carolina in the house o
Dec 18, 2018 rated it really liked it
4 Stars!
Jennifer Crusie is always a go to book for me when I need a laugh. I’ve had it for a while and glad I finally got to it. I really enjoyed it.
This book was one hell of a ride. Loved Agnes and Shane:)
*The Angry Reader*
Oct 19, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2018
I don't get to use the word zany very often, but this was zany! Sort of like a Stephanie Plum novel, but way better. A huge insane cast. Hijinks galore. And a hero who didn't have a huge role, but gave good swoon.

This was highly recommended to me as a laugh-out-loud book. It didn't make me laugh, but it did make me genuinely happy.

I'm excited to have found Jennifer Crusie and delighted with this silly read.

ᴥ Irena ᴥ
Aug 09, 2020 rated it liked it
In Agnes and the Hitman romance isn't the most important thing. It's just there for no reason. It would have worked without it too.

There are so many things that happen in this book, it's a bit overwhelming. You might find yourself thinking oh, come on more than once. There are assassins, secrets rooms, lots of money, mafia, a wedding someone wants to sabotage, boat chases, explosions, both horrible and not so horrible characters, and so much more. The romance definitely took a back seat to all
Dec 18, 2007 rated it it was ok
it's to be expected that something changes when a writer you're used to pairs up with someone from an entirely different genre. some of the old pop and sizzle disappears to make room for the new writer's style and strengths. ok. but i have to say that this was a miss for me.

crusie's novels strengths aren't in elaborate plots but in outlining the relationships between her very un-neurotic hero/heroine in ways that don't seem forced or unreal. her characters are snappy, funny, cranky, quotidian pe
Book Concierge
Jul 02, 2011 rated it did not like it
The dialogue is trite. The sex is bland. The characters are cardboard cutouts. The plot is inane and unbelievable. It seems that the author(s) can’t figure out what kind of book this is. Is it a comic crime caper? A mystery? A romance? A mafia thriller? A cooking cozy? Bodies pile up left and right, plot lines disintegrate or appear from thin air. Even the editing is bad … the electricity goes out, thanks to a bad guy who “did something” to the power, but early the next morning Agnes is in the k ...more
This book is bonkers and I LOVE IT. Have I said that about a Crusie book before? I feel like I have. More than once. It’s true each time. And what Bob Mayer brings to the table— hitmen and CIA contractors— just puts more hearts in my eyes. Love, crime, and mayhem, sign me up every time. Especially when I’m laughing out loud the whole ride.
J Ho Lo
( this review won't make sense to some people but I don't care lol)

Agnes is cranky.
Brenda's a conniving bitch.
Shane to the rescue.

Mar 06, 2013 rated it liked it
Shelves: fiction, romance
Cranky food columnist collides with hitman while trying to plan a wedding; sparks and flamingos fly.

Fun, zaney. There's no serious internal relationship conflict here, just a shrieking heap of mob enforcers and difficult relatives and frying pans to the head. And flamingos. This book is one half domestic hilarity and one half cartoonishly violent splatterfest, which was a bit odd, I will admit. But having read only two Crusie books, I already know that she is a no-brakes funny lady who has the s
May 13, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
So I listened to the audible version and I think it need to be said that whoever decided to make all the thoughts sound like they're coming from a far away tin can is a moron. I had to turn my Alexa way up or I had difficulty hearing the thoughts and then the rest of the narration seemed loud. It made the audiobook difficult to listen to and I almost gave up because of the loud quiet, clear and muffled roller coaster of narration.

Mostly I really enjoyed this novel Agnes is this naive sort of cra
P๏€cɨℓią* ~SLiTsRead
Dec 14, 2015 rated it really liked it
A little cray cray and a little far fetched but that's the style the book was going for. I can't say I'm in love with it but it's a matter of personal taste.

What also made this book different was the missing of swoon-worthy heroes, and star-crossing love. Every character felt like regular people (well except psychotic Brenda). There was ”romance" and yet there wasn't. It was real and efficient, yet you felt the chemistry between the characters.

Overall, I enjoyed the humor and the interesting
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Jenny Crusie is the NYT bestselling author of twenty some novels and lots of other stuff. Her latest novel, Maybe This Time, hit shelves in August, 2010.

Jenny lives on the Ohio River where she often stares at the ceiling and counts her blessings.

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“You have to open up to the world and learn optimism...Contentment with the past, happiness with the present, and hope for the future. Learned optimisim.” 96 likes
“Any instructions?” Carpenter said.
“Yeah,” Shane said. “Shoot anybody who looks at Agnes funny. And anybody else you don’t like. I’m getting tired of this shi*.”
“Somebody needs a hug,” Carpenter said.
“Humor,” Shane said. “Har.”
More quotes…