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Agnes and the Hitman

3.94  ·  Rating details ·  17,710 ratings  ·  1,568 reviews
Take one food writer named Cranky Agnes, add a hitman named Shane, mix them together with a Southern mob wedding, a missing necklace, two annoyed flamingos, and a dog named Rhett and you've got a recipe for a sexy, hilarious novel about the disastrous side of true love…

Agnes Crandall's life goes awry when a dognapper invades her kitchen one night, seriously hampering her a
Hardcover, 421 pages
Published August 21st 2007 by St. Martin's Press
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Nov 22, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2017
To Do List, she thought. Feed cast of thousands, several of whom are killers and one of whom is an underage dognapper now living illegally in my barn. Plan flamingo wedding. Remember not to screw hitman's brains out again even though he's really hot. Find nice normal guy without gun permit. [...]
Take revenge on the sleazy bitch who's trying to swindle me out of my dream house,
It was going to be a very busy day.

This is screwball comedy at its best, a very entertaining surprise for my summer read
"... your ass is grass and I am a John Deere super-classic riding lawn mower with a V6 engine and a double cutting blade, do I make myself clear?" - Agnes Crandall a/k/a Cranky Agnes

Don't you just love Jennifer Crusie's dry sense of humor?

Things turn south for Agnes Crandall's wedding catering business when a dognapper invades her kitchen holding a gun. Agnes whallops him upside the head with a castiron skillet, knocking him thru a hidden door in her kitchen and killing him. An unexpected hero -
May 13, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I gave 4 stars to a romantic, comedic, murder mystery. Amazing, but so was the book. It was the great combination of setting, mystery, & especially the characters starting with Agnes.

Angry Agnes is pretty, a wonderful cook, & wears black rimmed glasses. She's smart (an author) & really a nice person, but she tends to see red occasionally - a dangerous combination as she spends a lot of time in the kitchen where sharp implements & heavy pans tend to be at hand. One of the things I
Apr 11, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Everyone with a sense of the ridiculous
Shelves: 2008
I thoroughly enjoyed this book!! I enjoyed Crusie/Mayer's first book Don't look back as well but this was better.

Agnes and Shane were wonderful. Just enough baggage and angst to keep the chemistry lively. I thought the supporting cast of characters was awesome. My favourites being LL and Garth.

I wouldn't class this as a mystery or romance but there is enough of both to satisfy readers of both genres. I would call this a 'fun' read. It was great. Can't wait for the next one.

Ppl should read thi
Ilona Andrews
Warning: written as a reader not as an author.

Agnes is a cranky southern lady, who cooks - mostly Italian, go figure - and writes a cooking column for a local newspaper. Despite the fact that the best way to the man's heart is through his stomach, Agnes has been unlucky in love. Her current beau is no exception - from the get go, her fiance is pretty much a douchebag. While some people might have a problem with a heroine holding on to a man like that, I've seen plenty of real women cling to rela
This book was a pleasant surprise. It's a great mix of chick lit and suspense. Full of murders, cooking, mobsters, and wedding prep - a combo that worked, believe it or not, and gave me plenty to chew on, keeping track of it all. It even earned a few chuckles from me - which is not easy, since I hardly ever get things that are supposed to be funny.
Nov 22, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Bonnie by: Marie
The Storyline
Agnes is not your normal chick-lit heroine. The fact that she’s known as ‘Cranky Agnes’ could give you an idea. The fact that she’s used a frying pan in more ways than just cooking (I’ll give you a hint, one guy now has a metal plate in his head) could also give you another idea. There’s also an incident with a meat fork but I won’t spoil the fun for you. Or maybe it’s the mental conversations she has with her therapist.

”Fuck you,” Agnes said, bent over the edge of the cake.
Angry la
Jul 25, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Chick-Lit Lovers, Chick-Lit Mystery, Funny, People who love Frying Pan's
Recommended to Marie by: Carrie
**5++++ stars**

Have you ever read a book that you finish but within 2-4 days you are ready to read it again? This is that book for me. I have loved several books in my lifetime. This book was easily one of my favorite books ever.

I think between the humor, violence, humor again, romance, friendships, minor characters, and even the dog, between it all I fell in love with this book.

Agnes is a cookbook author. She also has a column about cooking titled Cranky Agnes. She is armed and dangerous, with
Jane Stewart
2 stars. Some readers may find this fun, but it wasn’t my kind of humor. It had a slapstick quality.

Brenda does many awful things to Agnes and others throughout the book. Other bad guys are also doing bad things. But nothing is provable so no cop does anything (or they don’t look for evidence). The purpose is to give Agnes setbacks and problems to solve. Her responses and reactions are the best part of the story. Agnes is free with her anger. She hits and threatens with frying pans and meat for
Aug 30, 2017 rated it liked it
Shelves: 2017
This is a fast-paced romantic comedy with a protagonist that's funny and refreshing in her own special, anger-filled way. If you like physical comedy in books, romance with vivid sexual descriptions (I mean like really vivid), and murder whodunit mysteries with a dash of rich bitch and a dollop of Italian gangsters thrown in, then this book is for you.

Not that it matters, but I personally didn't care for the explicit lust because I'm a fuddy-duddy who prefers much more subtlety, old-fashioned co
Sep 21, 2017 rated it really liked it
This book was so cute! Granted, there are a lot of people getting killed, but it was still cute.
Agnes is determined to have her goddaughter's wedding at her new house that is being refurbished. Meanwhile we have a crazy granny who keeps putting up barriers, old mob bosses, dead bodies, stollen loot, and a hot hitman.
Agnes just keeps juggling all these things around while alternating the use of her frypan with cooking breakfast and hitting bad guys in the head.
Important lesson; never make t
Oct 25, 2012 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: audiobook, romance
Narrator: Sandra Burr
Length: 12 hours and 9 minutes
Published by Brilliance Audio, August 2007

We all know a narrator can make or break an audiobook. What I didn’t know was that studio effects can do it too. Narrator Sandra Burr does a decent job with the characters here. I can tell who is who and that is always a bonus when a book contains too many zany characters. Burr’s narration of Agnes is a little too upbeat at times (Agnes is supposed to be cranky) but for the most part she is pretty spot o
Aug 12, 2008 rated it it was amazing
It is kind of hard to categorize this book by Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer. It's more a sassy-chick-lit meets hardboiled adventure novel meets screwball comedy. I read their first book Don't Look Down and just about laughed my butt off. This one is even better, the action and narrative are tighter and more continuous. These two very divergent writers are on to something.

Agnes is "Cranky Agnes" the nationally syndicated food columnist and cook book author, living in South Carolina in the house o
*The Angry Reader*
Oct 19, 2018 rated it really liked it
I don't get to use the word zany very often, but this was zany! Sort of like a Stephanie Plum novel, but way better. A huge insane cast. Hijinks galore. And a hero who didn't have a huge role, but gave good swoon.

This was highly recommended to me as a laugh-out-loud book. It didn't make me laugh, but it did make me genuinely happy.

I'm excited to have found Jennifer Crusie and delighted with this silly read.


5 star read!

“Angry welts on the face. Agnes and her hot raspberry sauce.

Blood underneath the dirty hair. Agnes and her frying pan.

Neck twisted and broken. Agnes and her unknown basement with no stairs.

Joey’s Little Agnes didn’t need protecting, but he might stay and put up some warning signs for unsuspecting intruders. Something like BEWARE OF THE COOK or AGNES KILLS.”

What can I say? I love this book!

“…Agnes came around the counter, her arms full of fo
Dec 18, 2007 rated it it was ok
it's to be expected that something changes when a writer you're used to pairs up with someone from an entirely different genre. some of the old pop and sizzle disappears to make room for the new writer's style and strengths. ok. but i have to say that this was a miss for me.

crusie's novels strengths aren't in elaborate plots but in outlining the relationships between her very un-neurotic hero/heroine in ways that don't seem forced or unreal. her characters are snappy, funny, cranky, quotidian pe
Rebecca McNutt
Apr 18, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Exciting, fun, weird and unexpectedly gripping, Agnes and the Hitman is very impressive and reminiscent of One for the Money in its style and wit.
J Ho Lo
( this review won't make sense to some people but I don't care lol)

Agnes is cranky.
Brenda's a conniving bitch.
Shane to the rescue.

Agnes and the Hitman by Jennifer Crusie

Out of all the books that Jennifer and Bob have written together, I have to tell you THIS one is the only one I think is worth reading. Not only reading once but also re-reading repeatedly! I don’t know how many times I have re-read this book, and I’m still as in love with the story and the characters as I am the very first time I read it!

This is a sexy, funny, mysterious read and a bit of a roller-coaster ride. This is a story containing major deceptions,
Mar 06, 2013 rated it liked it
Shelves: fiction, romance
Cranky food columnist collides with hitman while trying to plan a wedding; sparks and flamingos fly.

Fun, zaney. There's no serious internal relationship conflict here, just a shrieking heap of mob enforcers and difficult relatives and frying pans to the head. And flamingos. This book is one half domestic hilarity and one half cartoonishly violent splatterfest, which was a bit odd, I will admit. But having read only two Crusie books, I already know that she is a no-brakes funny lady who has the s
Book Concierge
Jul 02, 2011 rated it did not like it
The dialogue is trite. The sex is bland. The characters are cardboard cutouts. The plot is inane and unbelievable. It seems that the author(s) can’t figure out what kind of book this is. Is it a comic crime caper? A mystery? A romance? A mafia thriller? A cooking cozy? Bodies pile up left and right, plot lines disintegrate or appear from thin air. Even the editing is bad … the electricity goes out, thanks to a bad guy who “did something” to the power, but early the next morning Agnes is in the k ...more
P๏€cɨℓią* ~SLiTsRead
Dec 14, 2015 rated it really liked it
A little cray cray and a little far fetched but that's the style the book was going for. I can't say I'm in love with it but it's a matter of personal taste.

What also made this book different was the missing of swoon-worthy heroes, and star-crossing love. Every character felt like regular people (well except psychotic Brenda). There was ”romance" and yet there wasn't. It was real and efficient, yet you felt the chemistry between the characters.

Overall, I enjoyed the humor and the interesting
Sep 01, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
Unexpectedly, this has turned into a book on my favs shelf. Very quirky and odd it somehow really worked. Agnes cracked me up and Shane-sigh- just loved how he always had her back. Great read- two thumbs up :)
fantastically fun fluff
Susanna - Censored by GoodReads
Mob wedding farce. With flamingos.
Ok first off be prepared for one hell of a wild ride when you read this. This is the best warning I can give you for this book.
It starts off somewhat slow and picks up around four or five chapters in. Then oh boy the action and cast of characters storm you, and yes at times bowl you over.
Agnes was sometimes too crazy for me to connect with. She doesn't exactly react to situations like a "normal" person would. Frying pans anyone? However, this could be why she was so fun to read about.
Shane was s
Apr 11, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Agnes and the Hitman by Jennifer Crusie

Out of all the books that Jennifer and Bob have written together, I have to tell you THIS one is the only one I think is worth reading. Not only reading once, but also re-reading repeatedly! I don’t know how many times I have re-read this book, and I’m still as in love with the story and the characters as I am the very first time I read it!

This is a sexy, funny, mysterious read and a bit of a roller-coaster ride. This is a story containing major deceptions,
Sep 02, 2007 rated it really liked it
Shelves: romance
Action/Romance. Agnes is very busy trying to plan her god-daughter's wedding, make cupcakes, and meet her article deadline when some pipsqueak with a gun busts into her house and demands her dog. Agnes doesn't take well to this and cracks him on the head with a frying pan. Suddenly she's got a hot new bodyguard and each day brings at least two attempts on her life. Agnes is tough, but it doesn't hurt that Shane is really good at his job.

I liked this book a lot better than their first one. This o
Oct 03, 2007 rated it really liked it
This book was awesome. I loved the minor characters, especially Garth, and heroines with anger management issues are right up there with geeky heroes and galley slaves in my Top Ten Romance Turn-Ons, and believe me, there are NOT ENOUGH heroines with anger management issues. So love, love, love, also I am DYING for the apron now ( It was a pretty good mix of romance and action, the action plot was exciting, and the plot twist made me VERY happy.

I did fe
Dec 21, 2007 rated it really liked it
My head hurts from trying to explain any aspect of this story without giving something away, but it's not so complicated when you read it, honest (okay, it's a little bit complicated, but, like Janet Evanovich's books, if you don't struggle to place everyone and just let it all wash over you instead, it all becomes clear in the end). Plus - and you'll know this if you read Crusie's blog - there are flamingoes.

I liked Agnes & the Hitman even better than Don't Look Down (and I liked Don't Look
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Jenny Crusie is the NYT bestselling author of twenty some novels and lots of other stuff. Her latest novel, Maybe This Time, hit shelves in August, 2010.

Jenny lives on the Ohio River where she often stares at the ceiling and counts her blessings.
“You have to open up to the world and learn optimism...Contentment with the past, happiness with the present, and hope for the future. Learned optimisim.” 94 likes
“Any instructions?” Carpenter said.
“Yeah,” Shane said. “Shoot anybody who looks at Agnes funny. And anybody else you don’t like. I’m getting tired of this shi*.”
“Somebody needs a hug,” Carpenter said.
“Humor,” Shane said. “Har.”
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