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273 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 29, 2018
On foot, nothing escapes my attention: a potato-chip bag stuffed into the hollow of a tree, an elderly mitten caught in the embrace of a blackberry bush, a mud-coated matchbook at the bottom of a ditch. Then there’s all the obvious stuff: the cans and bottles and great greasy sheets of paper fish-and-chips come wrapped in. You can tell where my territory ends and the rest of England begins. It’s like going from the Rose Garden in Sissinghurst to Fukushima after the tsunami. The difference is staggering...It was first the toffee-colored cow with two feet sticking out of her that reminded him of his kidney stones. The excruciating pain almost did him in. Yet, this cow lay down for a few minutes, then stood up and continued grazing.
...Other animals I’ve seen on my walks are foxes and rabbits. I’ve stumbled upon deer, stoats, a hedgehog, and more pheasant than I could possibly count. All the badgers I find are dead, run over by cars and eventually feasted upon by carrion-eating slugs, which are themselves eventually flattened and feasted upon by other slugs.
"Really?" I said to her, "You can't go five minutes without eating?"His Fitbit enlarged his territory which needed cleaning up.
"Do you think she knows there's a baby at the end of this?" I asked Maja after she returned.
We saw David in Arundel picking up a dead squirrel with his grabbers,” the neighbors told Hugh. “We saw him outside Steyning rolling a tire down the side of the road,” “…in Pulborough dislodging a pair of Y-fronts from a tree branch.” Before the Fitbit, once we’d eaten dinner, I was in for the evening. Now, though, as soon as I’m finished with the dishes, I walk to the pub and back, a distance of 3,895 steps. There are no streetlights where we live, and the houses I pass at eleven p.m. are either dark or very dimly lit. I often hear owls and the flapping of woodcocks disturbed by the beam of my flashlight.On his fortieth birthday he had to give up something. It was jeans and dip. He was not ready to give up smoking yet. Watch this interview with David Sedaris by one of my all-time favorite late-night comedians, Craig Ferguson.
If you were to throw a lipoma to a dog, he’d swallow it in a single bite, then get that very particular look on his face that translates to Fuck. Was that a tumor? There’d be something to see. Turtles, on the other hand, never change expression and live with fewer regrets.All through the book I had this bouts of giggles when incredulity fused with astonishment. He is, to me, a much kinder version of Christopher Hitchenson, so immaculately schooled in the American political correctness, but with a touch of enough arrogance to overrule it when he sees fit.
When visitors leave, I feel like an actor watching the audience file out of the theater, and it was no different with my sisters. The show over, Hugh and I returned to lesser versions of ourselves. We're not a horrible couple, but we have our share of fights, the type that can start with a misplaced sock and suddenly be about everything...His narrative is eloquent and humorous, yet underscored by the anomalies and sadness of family and life. His clown trousers maybe more than just a prop feeding his artistic passions. While working through his mid-life challenges in his writing, he also brings a new appreciation to the reader of the little moments we would otherwise have missed. And perhaps his attitude and take on these instances in time might just convince us to do the same: bring back laughter where it is needed the most. Sometimes laughter is the next best thing. Reading authors such as David Sedaris is the first. Well, that is, if you push sliced-bread and ice-cream aside and forget about children :-)
...At five-five, I never give much thought to my height until I do. Whenever I come across a man my size—at the airport, say, or in a hotel lobby—I squeak the way a one-year-old does when it spots a fellow baby. It's all I can do not to toddle over and embrace the guy.