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Handbook for the Heart: Original Writings on Love
What is love? Why is it central to our happiness and personal growth? How can we find, nurture, express it, and keep it alive? In original essays written for this book, Andrew Weil, Deepak Chopra, Leo Buscaglia, and 31 other spiritual teachers offer inspiration and advice for everyone who wants to explore the enduring power and spiritual significance of love.
Power of loving-kindness / by Sharon Salzberg --
Heart sounds / by Deepak Chopra --
The heart is always open / by Stephen and Ondrea levine --
Valuing love / by Nathaniel Branden --
The best-kept secret / by Barry Neil Kaufman --
To love and be loved / by Rabbi Harold Kushner --
Heartwork / by Marianne Williamson --
The wellspring of the heart / by Jack Kornfield --
The basics of love / by Betty Eadie --
Love enough for all / by Stephen R. Covey --
The birthright of our heart / by Benjamin Shield --
The smoke around the heart / by Joan Braysenko --
God is love / by Hugh and Gayle Prather --
Loving inside out / by Patricia Love --
The mirror of love / by Harville Hendrix --
Listening for love / by James and Salle Merrill Redfield --
Love wins / by Samahria Lyte Kaufman --
A loving prescription / by Andrew Weil --
Drawing from the well of self-love / by Louise L. Hay --
Heart tugs / by Victoria Moran --
A celebration of love / by Leo Buscaglia --
The dance of the wounded heart / by Gabrielle Roth --
Beginning with love / by John Robbins --
Breathing in love / by Jean Shinoda Bolen --
Being love / by Ram Dass --
Heart lessons / by Bernie Siegel --
The atmosphere of love / by Daphne Rose Kingma --
Love and letting be / by John Welwood --
Living from the heart / by Helen Hunt --
A mixture of love / by Shakti Gawain --
Love is a choice / by Richard Carlson
Hardcover
First published January 1, 1996
About the author
Richard Carlson
3,602 books1,186 followersRichard Carlson was an American author, psychotherapist, and motivational speaker. His book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's all Small Stuff (1997), was USA Today's bestselling book for two consecutive years and spent over 101 weeks on the New York Times Best Seller list. It was published in 135 countries and translated into Latvian, Polish, Icelandic, Serbian and 26 other languages. Carlson went on to write 20 books.
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
June 11, 2018
Nathaniel Branden: “I focus principally on what I care most about in this world- on what I most respect & admire. That is what I give my time and attention to.”
Barry Neil Kaufman: “love is ... accepting/non-judgemental, wanting the best for another person, doing something useful to help another person realize her potential. Love is a choice. But to love, you must first find happiness within yourself, because when you are unhappy, you are not loving. You must also create a space where you refrain from judging those around you, a place of learning, a place where you are present for others at any given moment. Then, when you bring happiness alive in your own life as well as in the lives of others, you are able to love and be loved in return. The parts of you on which you focus the most attention becomes the parts that are the most developed. Focus on love instead of anger, fear, anxiety & judgement. Happiness and love reside in the present. Make love and happiness a priority. Let go of judgement. Gratitude. Authenticity. The one who loves most, wins.”
Rabbi Harold Kushner- “people don’t want advice but understanding. Give them your concern, let them feel that they are worth caring about. Instead of focusing on being loved, focus on being a loving person. Forgiveness- accepting imperfections & quirks. Choose happiness over righteousness. Who cares if you’re right? Sacrifice the victory for the sake of happiness. You make yourself happy by being a good person. Is there something I can do to make this a better relationship? What else can I give to it? Be a giver not a taker. We love people who, by accepting us, enable us to be better than we otherwise would be. We love someone who reflects to us an image of ourselves that makes us feel good about ourselves. The universe knows exactly who you are and loves you anyway, we are permitted to love and forgive- ourselves and the other imperfect people in our lives.”
Sharon Salzburg: “guilt being considered in the Buddhist psychology a quality of self-hatred. If we are fortunate, we might have one being in our life who is a model of unconditional love, so that we don’t fear rejection if we are totally honest with this person or if we don’t present ourselves in a certain way. A spiritual practice based on self-hatred can never sustain itself. We have to begin with loving ourselves, being able to embrace all parts of ourselves as well as all parts of the world, in order to understand our capacity to love. The Buddha said, if you truly loved yourself, you would never harm another. Meditate: wish upon myself love & safety & peace and that everyone wants to be happy. What do I most admire and respect? What do I care most about in this world?
Deepak Chopra: “if you want more love, give more love. Love is its own reward. Appreciation - honor & admire what’s special in others, you care for & treasure them. Attention- listen & be present. Ask “what can I give this person?”
Stephen & Ondrea Levine: “what fears and desires make me unloving? Live in the present. Nothing makes us happy except the work we do inside. Relationships are a forum for that inner work. Nothing teaches us how unloving we are like relationships do. They put us in a position where we’re confronted daily with our holding, our fears, our expectations, our anger, our distrust. The difficulties in a relationship are one of their most precious gifts - provided we have a partner with whom we can let go and not be abused for letting go. Check to see if the other person is feeling loved instead of whether or not we feel loved.”
Marianne Williamson: “we are on earth to bring healing to the world. Whatever issues you have can be magnified in relationships.”
Jack Kornfield: “When you are impatient with your life, ask advice from your death.”
Betty Eadie: “I learned to fill my life with love by first learning to love myself. I found that when I wasn’t acting in loving ways to others, it was invariably because something unacceptable was going on inside me. At those times, it seemed that most of the people in my life were bothering and annoying me. Fortunately, I discovered that this bother was stemming from something missing within me, from a lack of self-esteem- self-love - and it usually had nothing to do with “them.” I knew that to fully love others, first I had to feel love for myself. It’s important to love & appreciate the little things in life, all the beauty of creation. As I go about my day, I try to appreciate everything I see: a bird, a flower, something unusual happening. My goal is to love what I see and gives thanks for being shown it. When I do, it’s as if the universe opens up and envelopes me with love. The more you notice the love, the miracles, and the beauty around you, the more love comes into your life. The more you love, the greater your ability to love. People who are loving and giving attract kindred souls into their lives, for it is easy to love those who are themselves loving. This doesn’t mean that you should allow yourself to be taken advantage of, but rather that you become a model of love and loving behavior. You may be able to help lead that person to another level, where he or she might be kinder somewhere down the road. Such love and kindness come out of this little girls eyes... think of yourself as a kind, loving person.”
Stephen R. Covey: “where did you get this concept that love is a feeling? Love is a verb; love is something you do. I believe the true test of a family is how the parents treat the child who challenges them the most. If you can show unconditional love toward that one child, then all the other children know that the love expressed toward them is also unconditional.”
Joan Borysenko: “every time someone presents you with an act of kindness, he or she has given you a gift. Don’t take anything for granted. Acknowledge and give thanks. Frequently, what is considered loving is accepting from another things that are less than what you would wish them to be, yet not saying anything about it. Then you store up these moments, resentments build, and eventually stacks blow. This unspoken debris blocks the paths for both giving and receiving. To keep the channels open and clear requires a willingness to talk about the things that are difficult. It’s hard to say something when you think someone else is not going to like hearing it. Honest communication is a skill, and it correlates with your ability to be able to truly give and receive love. If they bury their own needs, they don’t receive what they need and eventually start to build resentment about giving to others. They’ve given away themselves and now there’s nothing left. In their compassion and desire to help everyone, they lose themselves or fall into a rut of manipulation. Buddhist meditation of giving & receiving: first visualize your own pain as smoke around your heart. Inhale that smoke into the light within your own heart and then when it dissipates, exhale your heart-light back to yourself. Then do it for others (breathe in their pain and breathing back your happiness, the wholeness of of your own true nature). Codependency- you can tell there’s something wrong with the personal equation in a relationship if you don’t feel enough love coming back to you. Anger is a great teacher in learning to give and receive love, because it’s pure feedback. The message may be painful, but it’s also simple and clear.”
Patricia Love: “if we can let ourselves listen, truly listen to what our mates are telling us, move beyond the style or tone or particular words, we may hear that they are speaking some piece of our own truth. Some people find themselves continually rejecting the lessons their partners and the people close to them offer. They feel that others are letting them down. If we are out of harmony with ourselves, not listening to our own inner whisperings about what is safe and true, the proper messages can’t get through. And we feel let down.”
Harville Hendrix: “unconscious self-hatred was the source of our conflict and probably fueled the power struggles of many couples. We have different points of view and we’d show little appreciation for the others ideas. We would criticize each other - and we possessed the very same traits we criticized in the other. Rejection of a trait or behavior in the other was actually a form of self-rejection. We finally realized that in order to increase our self-love, we had to learn to love in the other person the trait we most disliked in ourselves. And we had to stop criticizing each other, because the Moore we criticized a dislikes trait in the other, the more we increased our unconscious self-hatred. Criticism, the coercive language of conflict, creates defense and distance rather than contact. Use intentional dialogue- 3 steps include direct mirroring (hear the other person without interpretation or emotional reaction) reflect back the speakers words without judgement, then validation (try to see it from speakers point of view) “what you are saying to me makes sense because...”, and finally empathic relating (truly understanding your partners feelings). Once you have truly figured out what bothers you in other people, you probably have accessed your own self-hatred, which has then been projected on someone else.
James & Salle Merrill Redfield: “it is only when we are fully conscious of our feelings that we can process them and let them go. When we recognize negative feelings- instead of denying them- they can pass through us, thereby clearing the way for love to reenter our lives. The key is letting go and accepting whatever is happening in our lives at the moment. When our intention is geared toward love, when we trust that the deeper, mystical part of us is always lying beneath these negative feelings waiting for a chance to surface, the letting go becomes easier. It’s important to listen at a deep level to those around us and to enter into a dialogue with them, validating what they are saying.”
Samahria Lyte Kaufman: “realize that what you want is to feel good and loving and make that your first priority. The one who loves the most, wins. Live in the present and practice gratitude.”
Louise L. Hay: “to break the flow of negative thoughts repeat the words love, peace, joy, contentment. Choose to be happy by being grateful. Let people know they are loved and wanted and will be taken care of, and their true personalities come out. During a crisis know that something good will come out of it, that it is for your highest good, all is well, you are safe.”
Leo Buscaglia: “love lives in the present. Love never asks for or expects anything in return. If nothing is expected in return, we can never be deceived or disappointed. Expecting something from others as our “right” is a prescription for unhappiness. Others give us only what they are able to, when they are able to. We must be willing to give up certain destructive characteristics- such as the need to be constantly in control,to always be right, to be free of conflict & frustration, to change others for our needs, to be loved by everyone, and to possess.
Barry Neil Kaufman: “love is ... accepting/non-judgemental, wanting the best for another person, doing something useful to help another person realize her potential. Love is a choice. But to love, you must first find happiness within yourself, because when you are unhappy, you are not loving. You must also create a space where you refrain from judging those around you, a place of learning, a place where you are present for others at any given moment. Then, when you bring happiness alive in your own life as well as in the lives of others, you are able to love and be loved in return. The parts of you on which you focus the most attention becomes the parts that are the most developed. Focus on love instead of anger, fear, anxiety & judgement. Happiness and love reside in the present. Make love and happiness a priority. Let go of judgement. Gratitude. Authenticity. The one who loves most, wins.”
Rabbi Harold Kushner- “people don’t want advice but understanding. Give them your concern, let them feel that they are worth caring about. Instead of focusing on being loved, focus on being a loving person. Forgiveness- accepting imperfections & quirks. Choose happiness over righteousness. Who cares if you’re right? Sacrifice the victory for the sake of happiness. You make yourself happy by being a good person. Is there something I can do to make this a better relationship? What else can I give to it? Be a giver not a taker. We love people who, by accepting us, enable us to be better than we otherwise would be. We love someone who reflects to us an image of ourselves that makes us feel good about ourselves. The universe knows exactly who you are and loves you anyway, we are permitted to love and forgive- ourselves and the other imperfect people in our lives.”
Sharon Salzburg: “guilt being considered in the Buddhist psychology a quality of self-hatred. If we are fortunate, we might have one being in our life who is a model of unconditional love, so that we don’t fear rejection if we are totally honest with this person or if we don’t present ourselves in a certain way. A spiritual practice based on self-hatred can never sustain itself. We have to begin with loving ourselves, being able to embrace all parts of ourselves as well as all parts of the world, in order to understand our capacity to love. The Buddha said, if you truly loved yourself, you would never harm another. Meditate: wish upon myself love & safety & peace and that everyone wants to be happy. What do I most admire and respect? What do I care most about in this world?
Deepak Chopra: “if you want more love, give more love. Love is its own reward. Appreciation - honor & admire what’s special in others, you care for & treasure them. Attention- listen & be present. Ask “what can I give this person?”
Stephen & Ondrea Levine: “what fears and desires make me unloving? Live in the present. Nothing makes us happy except the work we do inside. Relationships are a forum for that inner work. Nothing teaches us how unloving we are like relationships do. They put us in a position where we’re confronted daily with our holding, our fears, our expectations, our anger, our distrust. The difficulties in a relationship are one of their most precious gifts - provided we have a partner with whom we can let go and not be abused for letting go. Check to see if the other person is feeling loved instead of whether or not we feel loved.”
Marianne Williamson: “we are on earth to bring healing to the world. Whatever issues you have can be magnified in relationships.”
Jack Kornfield: “When you are impatient with your life, ask advice from your death.”
Betty Eadie: “I learned to fill my life with love by first learning to love myself. I found that when I wasn’t acting in loving ways to others, it was invariably because something unacceptable was going on inside me. At those times, it seemed that most of the people in my life were bothering and annoying me. Fortunately, I discovered that this bother was stemming from something missing within me, from a lack of self-esteem- self-love - and it usually had nothing to do with “them.” I knew that to fully love others, first I had to feel love for myself. It’s important to love & appreciate the little things in life, all the beauty of creation. As I go about my day, I try to appreciate everything I see: a bird, a flower, something unusual happening. My goal is to love what I see and gives thanks for being shown it. When I do, it’s as if the universe opens up and envelopes me with love. The more you notice the love, the miracles, and the beauty around you, the more love comes into your life. The more you love, the greater your ability to love. People who are loving and giving attract kindred souls into their lives, for it is easy to love those who are themselves loving. This doesn’t mean that you should allow yourself to be taken advantage of, but rather that you become a model of love and loving behavior. You may be able to help lead that person to another level, where he or she might be kinder somewhere down the road. Such love and kindness come out of this little girls eyes... think of yourself as a kind, loving person.”
Stephen R. Covey: “where did you get this concept that love is a feeling? Love is a verb; love is something you do. I believe the true test of a family is how the parents treat the child who challenges them the most. If you can show unconditional love toward that one child, then all the other children know that the love expressed toward them is also unconditional.”
Joan Borysenko: “every time someone presents you with an act of kindness, he or she has given you a gift. Don’t take anything for granted. Acknowledge and give thanks. Frequently, what is considered loving is accepting from another things that are less than what you would wish them to be, yet not saying anything about it. Then you store up these moments, resentments build, and eventually stacks blow. This unspoken debris blocks the paths for both giving and receiving. To keep the channels open and clear requires a willingness to talk about the things that are difficult. It’s hard to say something when you think someone else is not going to like hearing it. Honest communication is a skill, and it correlates with your ability to be able to truly give and receive love. If they bury their own needs, they don’t receive what they need and eventually start to build resentment about giving to others. They’ve given away themselves and now there’s nothing left. In their compassion and desire to help everyone, they lose themselves or fall into a rut of manipulation. Buddhist meditation of giving & receiving: first visualize your own pain as smoke around your heart. Inhale that smoke into the light within your own heart and then when it dissipates, exhale your heart-light back to yourself. Then do it for others (breathe in their pain and breathing back your happiness, the wholeness of of your own true nature). Codependency- you can tell there’s something wrong with the personal equation in a relationship if you don’t feel enough love coming back to you. Anger is a great teacher in learning to give and receive love, because it’s pure feedback. The message may be painful, but it’s also simple and clear.”
Patricia Love: “if we can let ourselves listen, truly listen to what our mates are telling us, move beyond the style or tone or particular words, we may hear that they are speaking some piece of our own truth. Some people find themselves continually rejecting the lessons their partners and the people close to them offer. They feel that others are letting them down. If we are out of harmony with ourselves, not listening to our own inner whisperings about what is safe and true, the proper messages can’t get through. And we feel let down.”
Harville Hendrix: “unconscious self-hatred was the source of our conflict and probably fueled the power struggles of many couples. We have different points of view and we’d show little appreciation for the others ideas. We would criticize each other - and we possessed the very same traits we criticized in the other. Rejection of a trait or behavior in the other was actually a form of self-rejection. We finally realized that in order to increase our self-love, we had to learn to love in the other person the trait we most disliked in ourselves. And we had to stop criticizing each other, because the Moore we criticized a dislikes trait in the other, the more we increased our unconscious self-hatred. Criticism, the coercive language of conflict, creates defense and distance rather than contact. Use intentional dialogue- 3 steps include direct mirroring (hear the other person without interpretation or emotional reaction) reflect back the speakers words without judgement, then validation (try to see it from speakers point of view) “what you are saying to me makes sense because...”, and finally empathic relating (truly understanding your partners feelings). Once you have truly figured out what bothers you in other people, you probably have accessed your own self-hatred, which has then been projected on someone else.
James & Salle Merrill Redfield: “it is only when we are fully conscious of our feelings that we can process them and let them go. When we recognize negative feelings- instead of denying them- they can pass through us, thereby clearing the way for love to reenter our lives. The key is letting go and accepting whatever is happening in our lives at the moment. When our intention is geared toward love, when we trust that the deeper, mystical part of us is always lying beneath these negative feelings waiting for a chance to surface, the letting go becomes easier. It’s important to listen at a deep level to those around us and to enter into a dialogue with them, validating what they are saying.”
Samahria Lyte Kaufman: “realize that what you want is to feel good and loving and make that your first priority. The one who loves the most, wins. Live in the present and practice gratitude.”
Louise L. Hay: “to break the flow of negative thoughts repeat the words love, peace, joy, contentment. Choose to be happy by being grateful. Let people know they are loved and wanted and will be taken care of, and their true personalities come out. During a crisis know that something good will come out of it, that it is for your highest good, all is well, you are safe.”
Leo Buscaglia: “love lives in the present. Love never asks for or expects anything in return. If nothing is expected in return, we can never be deceived or disappointed. Expecting something from others as our “right” is a prescription for unhappiness. Others give us only what they are able to, when they are able to. We must be willing to give up certain destructive characteristics- such as the need to be constantly in control,to always be right, to be free of conflict & frustration, to change others for our needs, to be loved by everyone, and to possess.
January 29, 2010
I really enjoyed this. I read them one piece a night before I went to bed. The way it is all woven together with the common value of love was beautiful. I definitely recommend it to people who like delving into the subject.
January 16, 2009
A compilation of the writings of great thinkers and writers on accessing the energy of love. A very healing book.
January 13, 2010
Amazing book! Loved it! Soooo many amazing principles pulled out of it to apply to my life. I say you should give it a read!
December 14, 2011
Excellent
July 24, 2013
Compilation of essays from some of the most noted psychologists, doctors and spiritual leaders of today. Helpful in reminding us to keep open our hearts to others.
January 25, 2021
Beautiful book about love from many different perspectives ❤️ recommend to all
March 28, 2022
Na 'Handboek voor de ziel' opnieuw een bundel mooie inspirerende teksten. Opvallende rode draad: werkelijk alle auteurs vertellen en benadrukken hetzelfde, namelijk dat liefde begint bij jezelf, van jezelf houden. Vervolgens: liefde geven is liefde ontvangen, delen is vermenigvuldigen. Zo simpel klinkt het, zo simpel is het. Alleen is het in praktijk brengen, en zeker op een doorlopende manier, niét simpel. Daarvoor speelt ons ego, onze verdedigingsmechanismen, een te grote rol. Ook daarover is iedereen het eens. Gelukkig zijn er dit soort bundels die ons erbij kunnen helpen; zoveel auteurs, zoveel vormen ...
March 31, 2025
This book was phenomenal, absolutely life changing. So many great stories and metaphors that explore the complex nature of love and what it means to be love. I highly recommend everyone to read this book at least once in their life.
December 9, 2018
En bok där många olika författare delar med sig berättelser och texter om kärlek. Som alla sådana här "många författare böcker" glimtar den till ibland med det blir så splittrat. Inget extra.
September 27, 2019
In this day & age this book Should be set as required reading by all High School Student's.
May 3, 2022
this book was really nice to read. it was sorta a nice reminder to always keep your heart and mind open and peaceful towards others, i like it a lot.
November 13, 2023
One of those rare books where I could not get through the first page.
October 21, 2024
An educational read! I enjoyed it I learned quite a bit from this book.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews