The Gift of Our Compulsions: A Revolutionary Approach to Self-Acceptance and Healing

by Mary O'Malley, Eckhart Tolle (Foreword by)

Everyone is compulsive to some degree. People may worry too much, work too hard, or overindulge in food or alcohol or drug use. Once a compulsion is admitted, the usual option is to try to control the behavior. But this effort typically ends with the problem compulsion returning, or a new one taking its place.

In this book based on three decades of research, Mary O’Malley has crafted a new approach to healing compulsion, with simple exercises and techniques and an inspiring tone. People are compulsive for a reason, she says, and by observing the things they are compulsive about, engaging those compulsions, readers can begin to understand them and change their actions around them. The book’s exercises help readers in the engagement process by teaching them to ask the right questions. The book shows readers why lasting healing comes from being curious rather than controlling, and self-acceptance comes through forgiveness, not shame.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Spirituality, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Health, Reference

352 pages, Paperback

First published September 28, 2004

Reviews

[Kimberly]

This is a new favorite. I’ll be re-reading this a few times over, but maybe not compulsively. ;-)

This book totally reminds me of this quote:


“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”


― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

[Luca Pendu]

This book's title could as well be "Compulsions 101".
I particularly liked how, in the beginning of the book, the author explores the nature of the main dysfunction: the moment in which we leave the world of "I am" and base our lives on the belief that "I am not/I should be".

The main concept behind this book is learning how to be more mindful and present when the compulsion "wave" shows up. By practicing the exercises in the book, we can learn how to initiate a dialogue with our compulsions, rather than fighting them and being defeated all the time.

Throughout the book, we will learn that compulsions are not random events that turn up just to mess up our lives: they are calls to awaken.

[Jody]

Very loving approach to more than just if you have a 'compulsion.'...it is more like a tool for living with yourself peacefully. Left me felling very inspired and loving.

[Jordan]

DNF - Got to 25%. I may return to it at some point later but I really felt like the author wasn’t SAYING anything. Maybe in a different season if life.

[Rachel Hyman]

Absolute eye opening.
Amazing read on connecting compulsive behavior and gaining insight into causation.

Beautifully written and relatable.

An excellent book to connect with yourself and your behavior and habits.

The best self growth book I've ever read.

[Linda]

Another book that makes you think, in a positive way.

[Sarah D Bunting]

Abandoned due to boredome.

[Gina]

Really good book. Changed my views on compulsive behavior.

[Danielle Shroyer]

This one took me a while to get through. I thought the title meant compulsions in a more Jungian way, but the book really addresses compulsive behaviors. I found the last third of the book to be most helpful, offering tools of insight and practical steps. A lot of this felt Buddhist to me, so not much I’d say is new, but I imagine it could be a helpful companion to someone looking for a healing way forward.

[MarySue]

This is a profoundly helpful book. I highly recommend it.

[Karla Ticona]

Very different way to express how feelings can lead to healing. I loved it and recommend it.

[Karen]

I absolutely loved this book and am convinced that it will serve me well for years to come. Reading it is like the best of conversations with your wisest, most loving friend.

[Suzanne Henwood]

This book is pure genius

Think you dont have obsessions... read this book.

I love the way it is written, the meditations woven within and the insights it offers.

This is a must read for life

[K Hue]

Repetitive in a good way. Read and let the words soak in.

[Jenny]

Filled with wisdom, inspiration and truly practical steps and advice. Will definitely be rereading.

[Elvalo]

I like it.

[eHawk]

I felt this book started better than it finished and became very repetitive. I appreciate the author's points and found much of the information instructive, but my patience was definitely pushed trying to finish the book.

[Amik]

Buy this book because you'll need a year to get through it! But it's worth it.

[Jason]

Thoroughly impressive so far. Among reams of self help books this one really stands out from the crowd. The writing is clear, powerful, and original. Only a few chapters into it so far, so we'll see.

[Nadia]

Repetative but good. I've been using her questions and they've helped me when nothing previously has. Excellent read for mental health professionals with clients who can t cope with their emotions.

[Sarah]

Haven't finished it yet, but so far I love the gentle gentle tone. It felt healing just by reading a few passages at a time. I found myself reading a little before bed each night.

[Teresa]

A wonderful book!