Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read.

Start by marking “Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart” as Want to Read:

Other editions

Enlarge cover

Rate this book

Clear rating

1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars

Open Preview

Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart

Stephen Levine

4.07 · Rating details · 225 ratings · 32 reviews

Unattended sorrow is unresolved grief that has never been given a chance to heal. This lovely, spiritual book from one of the nation's most trusted grief counselors offers a series of techniques to help heal this pain so readers can lead full and joyful lives. The book not only guides those who have experienced a fresh loss to face the hurt before it settles in, but it als ...more

Get A Copy

Paperback, 225 pages

Published February 7th 2006 by Rodale Books (first published February 5th 2005)

More Details... Edit Details

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Reader Q&A

To ask other readers questions about Unattended Sorrow, please sign up.

Be the first to ask a question about Unattended Sorrow

Lists with This Book

This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Add this book to your favorite list »

Community Reviews

Showing 1-30

Average rating 4.07 ·

Rating details

· 225 ratings · 32 reviews

More filters

Sort order

Start your review of Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart

Oct 31, 2008 beau rated it it was amazing

Shelves: trauma-healing, sacred

why we should be sweet with ourselves and others: "we are not alone in our feelings of sorrow. we are part of a worldwide community of loss. if sequestered pain made a sound the atmosphere would be humming all the time"

this is one i will be reading and rereading. ...more

flag 11 likes · Like · see review

Sep 23, 2007 Scott rated it really liked it

Recommends it for: grievers and those who love them

This book was almost too raw for me. It is rich, dense writing and very very hard to face the statements being made here. But the reality is, his observations are true and real. It's hard to see your tortured self so clinically laid out in print. And accept the recommendations being made. I want to talk with this author and understand where he is coming from. Some place as painful and dark and depressing as me, I am certain.
This isn't the best book on grief I read. But it leaps out as one of br ...more

flag 6 likes · Like · see review

Nov 10, 2009 Karen rated it it was amazing

Embrace your sorrow, breath into it, forgive yourself, be compassionate, serve others. By recognizing your great sorrows and living openly with them, they will not take over your life.

"May you be free from suffering, and may you be at peace." ...more

flag 6 likes · Like · see review

Oct 09, 2011 Lexie rated it it was amazing

Shelves: humanity-s-heart, my-perennials, spirit, midlife-and-beyond, eldering

A gem. Grief, writes Stephen Levine, is "an innate response to loss in a world where everything is impermanent." The longer we live, the more we will grieve; Levine acknowledges this on every page, and applies, for every wound, a balm of mercy. "How merciless we can be with ourselves," he says, and then he invites us to understand the minutae of grief ... our countless, often mindless reactions; so many of them our "need for denial just to feel sane." He offers a loving "Yes" to every nuance, to A gem. Grief, writes Stephen Levine, is "an innate response to loss in a world where everything is impermanent." The longer we live, the more we will grieve; Levine acknowledges this on every page, and applies, for every wound, a balm of mercy. "How merciless we can be with ourselves," he says, and then he invites us to understand the minutae of grief ... our countless, often mindless reactions; so many of them our "need for denial just to feel sane." He offers a loving "Yes" to every nuance, to every form of despair and deadening we might fall into; he invites us to soften the tattered peripheries of ourselves -- to apply one dab of compassion at a time.

I dip into this book often; I find myself nodding at the same phrases again and again, as if listening to a beloved sage who never veers from his course of kindness. In our grieving, "we are learning to live with the consequences of love." Healing is "not the absence of pain but the increased ability to meet it with mercy instead of loathing ... Healing is replacing our merciless reactions with a merciful response. Without mercy, we don't have a chance."

Grief carves out a cave in the core of us -- in our belly that can become "fossilized with a long resistance to life and to loss." Levine's approach is so gentle, so tender -- and therein lies its profound effectiveness. As we learn to "soften around the sensations," we "find our own compass" that will guide us to pad around our existential edges, to enquire into their presence, to explore ways of touching them without being scalded. We tend to treat our rock-hard striations of pain as if our lives depend on them ... and they've held us upright, yes ... but at a terrible cost to our humanity. We're barely breathing; barely being.

What is this mercy he speaks of? It is a warmth buried deep, a heart aching to express its full reach of love. If our history of agonies is a glacier, the heart is always "a rivulet running toward what Buddhist monks call the Ocean of Compassion." This Ocean is deeper than all loss ... in its depth resides the heart that longs to be free: "It sings of nothing else."

This book is a guide to our emotional freedom. All forms of pain are honoured ... all are held and cradled in the paradoxical void of life lived and love lost ... the void that we come to realize is a place of rest, a bed of luminous warmth where all absence is also purest presence.

"Mercy breaks all the rules" ... and softens every edge. It is our best medicine ... and resides within us, awaiting our choice to enact it, one breath, one thought, one touch at a time.

Namaste. ...more

flag 3 likes · Like · see review

Jan 21, 2008 Kala rated it it was amazing

This was my favorite book of 2007. I picked it up while looking for background about a film I was working on that deals with grief and loss. EVERYONE who has experienced loss (umm, that would be you and me) and is looking for a way to work through it should read it. Levine's writing is beautiful, too. ...more

flag 3 likes · Like · see review

Sep 29, 2013 Cindy rated it it was amazing

A deeply moving, emotional book about loss and recovery. There was so much here that it took me some time to read this. I would read only a small section at a time and allow it to sink in before proceeding. It is very intense and there was so much that spoke to my heart and soul. I liked the author's suggestions for days devoted to different practices to speed healing - a day of walking, a day of loving kindness, a day of silence, a day of forgiveness, a day of singing, a day of compassion, a da ...more

flag 2 likes · Like · see review

Oct 11, 2018 Sandie rated it liked it

Shelves: non-fiction

Only read half this book, but the first part was strikingly relevant to my life. "What does unattended sorrow look like? It is like a low-grade fever; it troubles our sleep and drains away our days; it scatters intuition and creates an underlying anxiety; it sours the eye and the ear and leaves a distaste in the mouth; it's the vague uncertainty that permeates every thought before every action; it's the heart working as hard as it can."

I appreciated the confirmation and affirmation that 'small' ...more

flag 2 likes · Like · see review

May 07, 2010 Wednesday rated it really liked it

Shelves: the-few-books-i-own

Love this book. It came to me at a time when I really needed to learn this "Buddhist type" detachment. The information is explained in such a clear and thoughtful way - I think Levine is totally inspired. ...more

flag 2 likes · Like · see review

Oct 08, 2014 Andrea Stoeckel rated it it was amazing

The long- range impact of unresolved sorrow flows along a hidden spectrum...The work throughout this book does not purport to stop grief from arising, but only to help process the grief in whatever way it manifests..." (from the Introduction)

As an ordained minister, I was a skeptic regarding some of the practices of this book. I had been taught and in turn shared with others e aspects of grief, how it manifests, how it physically, emotionally and spiritually cripples us. However, it has taken ma ...more

flag 1 like · Like · see review

Sep 30, 2015 Sarah rated it really liked it

This book is unique among books on grief that I have read. It is full of profound insights about the role of grief in self-growth; Unattended Sorrow helped me make sense of grief in new ways. Levine's writing is fantastic; in fact, since I borrowed my copy from the library I want to purchase a copy so I can highlight favorite passages and quotes.

Levine's discussion of "unattended sorrow" is insightful - how we accumulate many losses over a lifetime, and how to gently approach them with love and ...more

flag 1 like · Like · see review

Apr 24, 2013 Jackie Jameson rated it it was ok

I agree, in part, with Tara's review...a little too "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" for me. I don't need to know what grief feels like. I already do. I read this for some help in trying to get past it and for advice on healing. I came away empty. I guess there was some validation of sorts, like a doctor giving you a diagnosis of something that you knew you already had. ...more

flag 1 like · Like · see review

Nov 08, 2011 Cathy Ferringo rated it it was amazing

A beautiful book to help you through a tough and emotional process. I enjoyed it very much and feel like I'll want to drag it off my shelf a time or two to reread parts as I get through this 1st year without my mother. ...more

flag 1 like · Like · see review

Mar 02, 2012 Tara rated it it was ok

Shelves: self-help

I found this book irritatingly too long. He repeats the same exercises throughout the book. Its far too wordy, and feels like its never ending. I get the mindfulness of it, but being mindful during grief is a lot to ask, and i was unable to really get into it because of that.

flag 1 like · Like · see review

Jan 13, 2013 Linda Bloedau rated it it was amazing

The MAJOR book of 2007 for me.....

Quote --"Memories may always be bittersweet, but we may also find peace flickering at the edges of what once caused us agitation. Healing, the, becomes not the absence of pain but the increased ability to meet it with mercy instead of loathing." ...more

flag 1 like · Like · see review

Apr 26, 2014 Jessica rated it it was amazing

I primarily used this book as a daily dharma reading, and it's suited quite nicely to that. There's so much distilled wisdom in these pages that I know I'll keep this book in the pile of those I refer to regularly. ...more

flag 1 like · Like · see review

Nov 29, 2010 Ayah rated it really liked it

I little bit sappy at times, overall helpful to me in my grief process.

flag 1 like · Like · see review

Sep 22, 2018 Holly rated it it was ok

I believe he mentioned that this started out as a pamphlet that he expanded into a book. I think it should have stayed a pamphlet. He repeats himself a lot while also using too many words to describe them. There are a couple of suggested things to do and ways of thinking to work on "recovering" and "reviving", but mostly it's just describing grief and loss and pain and then rephrasing those descriptions ad nauseam. ...more

flag Like · see review

Mar 12, 2019 Claire Holtz rated it it was amazing

I recommend to EVERYONE.

flag Like · see review

Dec 23, 2019 Andrea Nguyen rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Depth

Very in depth and nurturing to the mind and soul. Gives hope to the other side of grief and sadness.

flag Like · see review

Apr 20, 2020 Stephany rated it it was amazing

Insightfully brave and real. This book has awakened me.

flag Like · see review

Jan 23, 2016 Yvensong rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, wish-list, wishlist, self-help, library

I've picked up, read and skimmed through a few books on grief over the past few months. The title of this one caught my eye in the library, as my current grieving process is so mixed in with grief that I haven't really come to full terms with.

This book is so much more than many of the others I've poked through. Brutally honest and yet compassionate, the author explores the many reasons for grief, such as the death of a loved one, the effects of a major illness, the loss of one's way of life, et I've picked up, read and skimmed through a few books on grief over the past few months. The title of this one caught my eye in the library, as my current grieving process is so mixed in with grief that I haven't really come to full terms with.

This book is so much more than many of the others I've poked through. Brutally honest and yet compassionate, the author explores the many reasons for grief, such as the death of a loved one, the effects of a major illness, the loss of one's way of life, etc.

The author and his wife observed: "For those unable to make peace with their pain, there was a gradual diminishment of their life force. It became obvious that it was not just the most recent griefs that underlay their intermittent depression and dysfunction but the imprint of losses long past -- yet still painfully present."

The author does not provide a magical cure to get over grieving. He, instead, suggests various techniques that can aid in one learning to be kinder, more forgiving, more compassionate, with oneself. He suggests meditative techniques that have given others a greater sense of peace. He suggests "A Day of Silence", A Day of Walking", "A Day of Forgiveness", "A Day of Singing", and many others, to help move through the process of grief.

The author addresses one of the issues I have faced throughout the years. So many of the people who have encircled my life, believe the concept "that we are the sole creator of our reality, and thus create our own suffering." In a sadly, twisted way, this reinforces the idea that we deserve any and all the bad things that can happen to us. That philosophy has always bothered me for so many reasons. The author states a different philosophy that can open us up to a different way of living. "We do no create our reality; we effect our reality. Indeed, we are not responsible for our pain; we are responsible to our pain." This makes so much more sense. Pain and suffering will always enter our lives. There is no way around that. It's how we either embrace with kindness or deny and fight it will effect how we ultimately live out our lives.

I am hoping to find a copy of this book to purchase, as I would love to return to this again and again. ...more

flag Like · see review

Feb 21, 2017 Julie rated it it was amazing

Superbly amazing for grief, loss and whatever transition life brings to us-open your heart, soften your belly and breathe.

flag Like · see review

Apr 14, 2014 Dale Kushner rated it it was amazing

The author, Stephen Levine, has been working with issues of death and dying for years. What’s really interesting is this book is about the sorrows we all carry, from disappointment in life to the loss of a human being. They’re all locked inside us and affect us in painful ways. We are better off if we’re able to express grief, acknowledge loss. This book gives us ways to work with grief. It shows us how to open our hearts in hell.
One of my favorite quotes: “Unresolved grief is like a low grade f ...more

flag Like · see review

Jan 08, 2015 Charlie rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Great read if you're in the counseling field or looking how to cope with your own emotions of feelings. The Author displays a phenomenal understanding of how other people feel and was able to describe very heart felt emotion with kindness and warmth. Kudos to Mr. Levine for having such a brilliant, poetic way of putting words. I will take his ability to empathize for other people with me as I begin my own career in the counseling field. ...more

flag Like · see review

Jul 24, 2011 Laura rated it really liked it

I really liked this book and found it to be quite informative. He has interesting concepts on how to work through grief and loss that many may not have heard about before. My only wish for Stephen Levine is that he would write a little less formal, though this book was better than some of his others

flag Like · see review

Nov 20, 2009 Janet marked it as to-read

I can't really rate this until I read it, but everything by Stephen and Ondrea Levine is wonderful. ...more

flag Like · see review

Jan 03, 2016 Ariel rated it really liked it

This book was a huge comfort to me, helping me shift from ruminating on the specifics of my own loss to bigger picture concepts of grieving and recovery.

flag 1 like · Like · see review