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That Kind of Mother

Rumaan Alam (Goodreads Author)

3.04 · Rating details · 5,054 ratings · 758 reviews

From the celebrated author ofRich and Pretty, a novel about the families we fight to build and those we fight to keep

Like many first-time mothers, Rebecca Stone finds herself both deeply in love with her newborn son and deeply overwhelmed.Struggling to jugglethe demands of motherhood with her own aspirations and feeling utterly alone in the process, she reaches out to

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Kindle Edition, 304 pages

Published May 8th 2018 by Ecco

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Nov 21, 2017 Celeste Ng added it · review of another edition

THAT KIND OF MOTHER dives deep into big questions about parenthood, adoption, and race: Is mothering something learned, or that you're born to? How far can good intentions stretch? And most of all, can love can really overcome the boundaries of race and class? With his unerring eye for nuance and unsparing sense of irony, Rumaan Alam's second novel is both heartfelt and thought-provoking.

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May 10, 2018 Jennifer Blankfein rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Rebecca Stone desperately needs help with her newborn and Pricilla, a La Leche nurse from the hospital comes to her rescue. Pricilla, having mothering experience herself as she was a single, teen mom many years ago, leaves her job at the hospital to becomes the nanny for Rebecca’s baby. Rebecca feels close to Pricilla, confiding in her and voicing her fears, hopes and dreams while learning how to care for her child and what it means to be a mother; she looks up to her and relies on her stability Rebecca Stone desperately needs help with her newborn and Pricilla, a La Leche nurse from the hospital comes to her rescue. Pricilla, having mothering experience herself as she was a single, teen mom many years ago, leaves her job at the hospital to becomes the nanny for Rebecca’s baby. Rebecca feels close to Pricilla, confiding in her and voicing her fears, hopes and dreams while learning how to care for her child and what it means to be a mother; she looks up to her and relies on her stability and competence, and in some cases, due to the fact that Pricilla is black, she causes her to think about the world in a different way. After an unexpected turn of events, Pricilla becomes pregnant, has the baby and then is gone, and Rebecca volunteers to adopt the newborn. Rebecca feels this is the least she can do to thank Pricilla for all she has done. But there is a lot Rebecca does not know about raising a child of a different race. And she is blinded by her rose colored glasses when she looks at life.

This story brings up a lot of questions and it is difficult not to pass judgement and have an opinion on Rebecca’s thoughts and actions. Is she “saving” this black baby by bringing him into a white, wealthy family, or is she doing him a disservice by not allowing him to grow up with black parents who can teach him what it means to be black in America? She doesn’t know much about being black; how to take care of black hair and skin, and she doesn’t think much about what prejudices he might face as a black man. That Kind of Mother is about the challenges of motherhood, race and how family can be created without being blood related, but it is also commentary on selfishness disguised as selflessness, lack of understanding blinded by positivity and hopefulness for the future.

Rebecca’s view of her relationship with Pricilla is so much different than what I saw as a reader. She believes they are connected, the closest of friends, and she feels loyal to Pricilla because of what she has been taught about mothering and due to the support she has felt from her during the most stressful part of her life when she was responsible for her brand new baby. But my opinion is this: the relationship was one sided. Pricilla was doing a great job being a nanny, supporting the mother, teaching her how to care for her child, listening to her talk, and providing her with the time to be independent. But did Rebecca know anything about Pricilla? Her family? Her home life? Her hopes and dreams? Did she ever ask her? Rebecca may have been privileged – white, wealthy, recognized in her field, and able to provide an adopted child a financially solid home, but I believe this perceived friendship, combined with her own self centered outlook on life (regardless of race) misguided her and adopting this baby was not necessarily the best thing for him or for Rebecca’s family.

To give you something more to think about, this book was written by Rumaan Alam, the son of Bangladeshi immigrants, married to a white man and raising two adopted black sons in Brooklyn, NY. Alam does a great job writing from a woman’s perspective as he explores women’s friendships, describes giving birth, breastfeeding and articulating thoughts inside the head of a woman. He also shows how families are formed in many ways and can be very different, but they all have things in common too. Parenthood is a challenge no matter who you are, and acknowledging what you don’t know can be a good thing – often it takes a village. I highly recommend this book, and particularly for bookclubs as it has so much to discuss.

For all reviews and recommendations follow me on https://booknationbyjen.wordpress.com. ...more

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May 21, 2018 Melissa rated it it was ok · review of another edition

This book was simultaneously beautifully written and intensely boring. I kept waiting for something to happen, but nothing really did. Even the big things that happened felt so small. I think the book was just too subtle for my liking. I think I would have enjoyed it more as a short story.

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May 20, 2018 Emily rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: fiction

2.5 stars

I didn’t pick this book up to read about a privileged white woman who never really addressed her privileged whiteness.

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May 11, 2018 Angela M marked it as setting-aside · review of another edition

Setting this aside . May come back to it at another time . Just not connecting .

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Jun 27, 2018 Erin Glover rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: african-american-issues, racial-issues

After reading 50 pages about breast feeding and La Leche League, I didn't understand how this book got published. It describes the mundane aspects of early motherhood in too much detail. Really, who cares about what it takes to get an infant to latch onto the breast? Who cares that it's colostrum, not milk that comes out at first? Not mothers. Been there, done that. All of us could have written those 50 pages. I almost stopped reading. Then the story finally moves along and we see the first 50 After reading 50 pages about breast feeding and La Leche League, I didn't understand how this book got published. It describes the mundane aspects of early motherhood in too much detail. Really, who cares about what it takes to get an infant to latch onto the breast? Who cares that it's colostrum, not milk that comes out at first? Not mothers. Been there, done that. All of us could have written those 50 pages. I almost stopped reading. Then the story finally moves along and we see the first 50 pages were the setup for a friendship between a new white mother, Rebecca, and the breast feeding consultant, Priscilla, who is black.

Priscilla becomes Rebecca's nanny, while we watch Rebecca's marriage to her English diplomat husband deteriorate. Rebecca needs a nanny so she can continue writing her poetry. She was once awarded a prestigious prize. But Rebecca uses the time to get to know Priscilla better and further her obsession with Princess Diana of Wales. She's got a little writer's block.

It's an exercise in suspension of disbelief, that almost doesn't work, but with little mention that Priscilla is pregnant, much less no discussion of who the father might be, Priscilla dies in childbirth. Predictably, Rebecca adopts the black child Andrew. She's clueless about life for black boys. Luckily, Priscilla's daughter Cheryl and her husband Ian, with a new baby of their own, are around to point out that life for black boys is different. Rebecca must have "the talk" with Andrew. Black men are treated harshly by the police. Rebecca learns on her own that he is treated differently in school. He's the trouble maker where it would be normal behavior if he were white. And so on. Rebecca lives under a rock apparently. Or maybe racial discrimination wasn't so obvious in the 1980's. I doubt it.

There are endless pages of tedious children's play and Rebecca's monotonous life of mothering two boys as her marriage deteriorates. Again, I wondered how this book got published. I realized a man wrote the book and stopped myself from saying, "Oh, that explains it." Because so many women must have written novels like this that were passed over. But the spin of Rebecca's complete naiveté raising a black child added an interesting dimension.

Rebecca's child raising experience ultimately transforms her and her writer's block is broken. That's good.

The novel has problems. It's a good story. But the dialogue is stilted. It doesn't feel like real people are talking. It's too formal. Except for Priscilla and Rebecca's English husband, I couldn't tell much difference among the speakers. And Rebecca's sexual feelings were jarring. I'm sorry. That's when I knew the novel was written by a man. Yes, middle-aged women get horny, but they don't typically think the same way as men. It's less "come here and fuck me" as he wrote in the book about her thinking about sex and more "he drove me crazy with desire". Or even, "I felt myself get wet." There were a number of places I didn't feel like I was in a woman's head. Also, all the writing had a weird, almost British style writing to it.

Black children raised by white families is a very relevant topic. Maybe the author could have spent more time on that subject.

...more

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Jun 05, 2018 karen marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Shelves: mtstackmore, pagehabit

my new quarterly literary fiction box from pagehabit has arrived!! better get cracking!

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May 20, 2018 Tess rated it liked it · review of another edition

I wanted to love this. And while it is excellently written, line by line, I became increasingly frustrated and annoyed as the novel wore on with the characters and in many ways, the plot itself, which started to seem irrational.

There are parts of motherhood, and the trauma/chaos of giving birth, and the loneliness/exhaustion/tedium of tending to young children, that this male author gets exactly right, and the stream of consciousness way he relates those feelings are at times, quite beautiful. I wanted to love this. And while it is excellently written, line by line, I became increasingly frustrated and annoyed as the novel wore on with the characters and in many ways, the plot itself, which started to seem irrational.

There are parts of motherhood, and the trauma/chaos of giving birth, and the loneliness/exhaustion/tedium of tending to young children, that this male author gets exactly right, and the stream of consciousness way he relates those feelings are at times, quite beautiful. At first, I really related to Rebecca's reliance and feelings of profound gratitude for Priscilla, because you do tend to form a special connection with those who are there for you at this profound (and profoundly confusing) time in your life. I even--mostly-- understood when Rebecca wanted to step in and help with baby Andrew after Priscilla's untimely death.

But Rebecca's increasing attachment to baby Andrew and the way she seemed to forgo her husband, for one, and in a way, her flesh-and-blood son, for a child who, in reality, belonged to a woman who had a very one-sided relationship with Rebecca (Rebecca knows practically nothing about who Priscilla the woman is/was) started to feel more like a symptom of mental illness to me than anything else. The fact that we are supposed to believe this woman is a National Book Award-nominated poet when she can't even fathom why Priscilla's son-in-law could ever possibly be made to lie down on the street by cops after being pulled over in a BMW "I just don't understand. I just don't understand!" became laughable.

I wasn't really sure what point the author was trying to make about Rebecca. Were we supposed to sympathize and agree with her or see her as a naïve and foolish optimist? What I don't think the author was trying to do was make her seem unhinged, but that's exactly how I started to see her. I also found the relationship between Rebecca and Priscilla's daughter confusing, with too much resentment and aggression simmering under the surface. But at the same time, if Cheryl had so much obvious resentment and aggression towards Rebecca, why did she so easily (too easily) hand her baby brother over to her to adopt in the first place? By the end of the book, I couldn't help but feel like ten years was built on a total lie, and really, what was the point?

Overall, a lot of mixed feelings. If the writing itself wasn't so well done in parts, I'd give it two stars. ...more

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May 23, 2018 Mary rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: m, library, div-a, div-c, may-2018

If you're looking for an insightful, though provoking book about the struggles of a white woman (Rebecca) raising a black boy, you won't find that here. There are almost no difficulties and that those that do occur are how they impact Rebecca not the child and the novel seems to have rewarded her for adopting this child with success as a poet. Frankly I'm surprised this was written by a man of color, without the author information I would have assumed a white woman wrote this.

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May 22, 2018 Hpnyknits rated it did not like it · review of another edition

It’s rare for me to despise a character so much, but Rebecca, the main character is just so self involved privileged selfish woman, and she is supposed to be sympathetic? The premise of her adopting an African American baby, on a whim, is so far fetched, it’s insensitive. And the casual way it gets done- completely unrealistic. The author deals a tiny bit with the complex ideas of trans racial adoption, but so shallow and ignorant.
It’s a huge missed opportunity. It’s an interesting and rich ...more

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May 08, 2018 Naima Coster rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I read THAT KIND OF MOTHER because I was intrigued primarily by the situation the book would examine: an interracial family made by adoption, a relationship between two women across lines of race and class, and the differences between two brothers in society who are equally beloved by their mother. I was curious about the potential for drama here, and I did not expect to find myself so immersed in the mind of just one character in this web of complicated relationships. THAT KIND OF MOTHER offers ...more

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May 19, 2018 Ellen Gail marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Have I read this yet? No.

Has Penny snuggled with it? Yes. And it was adorable. May this book be as good as the kitty snuggling it.

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May 07, 2018 Afoma Umesi rated it really liked it · review of another edition

I really oscillated between three and four stars for this one.

Rebecca Stone, a white woman in the 80’s bonds with her black nursing coach, Priscilla. The women strike an odd friendship that continues for a few years until Priscilla becomes pregnant and dies in childbirth. Rebecca decides to adopt Priscilla’s son. The story is a slow exploration of the lives of Rebecca, her sons, family and Priscilla’s family for the next decade.

This is a very quiet novel. Alam’s writing is incisive and often ...more

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May 16, 2018 Stephanie rated it liked it · review of another edition

The description of this book was more interesting to me than the actual book. I didn't find Rebecca interesting or likable and I felt the the author danced around the issues of race that were raised in the story. All in all I just was left wanting there to be more to the story.

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Jul 07, 2018 Canadian rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: psychological-fiction, american, literary-fiction, art-and-artists

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. It’s not surprising that Celeste Ng blurbed this book. Superficially, at least, Rumaan Alam is concerned with many of same issues as Ng and his novel has some of the same features as her recent Little Fires Everywhere : tensions within a privileged upwardly mobile family, interracial relations and adoption, motherhood, female creativity and ambition. However, Ng’s work is a far more symphonic one than Alam’s: many angles are presented; multiple voices are heard, and there is a far more complex It’s not surprising that Celeste Ng blurbed this book. Superficially, at least, Rumaan Alam is concerned with many of same issues as Ng and his novel has some of the same features as her recent Little Fires Everywhere : tensions within a privileged upwardly mobile family, interracial relations and adoption, motherhood, female creativity and ambition. However, Ng’s work is a far more symphonic one than Alam’s: many angles are presented; multiple voices are heard, and there is a far more complex plot. That Kind of Mother , on the other hand, has a single focus: Rebecca Stone, a character with an extraordinary fixation on herself. Everything that happens in Alam’s novel is filtered through her. Characters are always depicted in relation to her; there are no chapters or even sections of chapters from the points of view of others. The issues that are raised appear to be less important in themselves than as tools the author can use to expose his protagonist’s narcissism.

Alam’s novel begins in a Maryland hospital in the mid-1980s. Rebecca is in her early thirties and in labour. (The then fairly recent birth of England’s Prince Harry in 1984 is an early—and, we later learn, fairly significant—reference point in a novel which will span several years.) After the arrival of her son and while still on the maternity ward, Rebecca, as a first-time mother, receives instruction on how to breastfeed her son. Priscilla, a warm and encouraging black woman in her early forties, is the coach. Priscilla’s calm manner and her apparent unconditional positive regard for the younger woman intoxicate Rebecca, who soon engages her as a nanny. It’s not Rebecca who pays Priscilla’s generous wages. (Rebecca has no money, and before marriage relied on the financial generosity of her parents). No, it is her British diplomat husband, Christopher, who foots the bill. Nevertheless, Rebecca basks in the Lady Bountiful role. The fact that Priscilla’s 25-year-old daughter, Cheryl, a nurse, had gone to some trouble to get her mother the maternity coaching job doesn’t even register with Rebecca. Her own need for a nanny is paramount. She needs “alone time” to get on with the serious business of being a poet. Yes, a poet. In the early days of Priscilla’s employment, however, the now-liberated Rebecca does little writing. She sequesters herself in her office only to look at fashion magazines, rearrange her desk, and daydream.

Rebecca fancies herself a progressive liberal, sensitive to issues of race. She tells herself that she considers, and indeed treats, Priscilla as a full member of the family. She lunches and talks with the nanny, and she invites her to birthday parties and family celebrations. She is appalled when her elderly mother-in-law treats and later refers to Priscilla as a servant, and is entirely unaware of the ways in which her own behaviour casts her “almost friend” in the role of a discreet and deferent mammy, who wouldn’t dare pass judgement on her mistress.

Just when all seems to be going smoothly, with Rebecca “in the zone”, feeling more psychologically secure than she ever has and beginning to produce some poetry, Priscilla makes a surprising announcement: she is pregnant. (She had been 17 and single when she had Cheryl 25 years before.) Priscilla continues to work for Rebecca, but then dies suddenly immediately after giving birth to a son. Recently married and soon to give birth herself, Cheryl is relieved when Rebecca offers to take care of her infant half-brother, Andrew. What begins as a temporary arrangement turns into a permanent one: legal adoption. Christopher attempts to raise objections to the plan; he demonstrates a willingness to provide Cheryl with some financial support so that she and Ian, her husband, can raise Andrew with their own daughter. But Rebecca gets what Rebecca wants: Andrew. Why exactly she wants him is not initially clear—at least it wasn’t to me. However, it becomes evident that Rebecca models herself after Princess Diana, whom she regards as a glamorous elder sister, a role model of sorts, committed to good works. She imagines that the two have a mystical connection. Both have older, emotionally detached husbands, and now, with the adoption of Andrew, Rebecca (like Diana) has two sons. Ever sensitive to the reactions of others (worried that her own mother dislikes her, that Cheryl is unimpressed by her person, and, later, that her editor finds her uninteresting) in this case, Rebecca allows herself to believe that the act of adopting a black child has brought her “a sort of fame” and that the parents at the Montessori school “admire” her and regard her as “a legend”. Rebecca’s enlightenment and good works will ultimately extend to exposing Andrew to Bill Cosby’s TV show, books about Martin Luther King Jr., and the music of Michael Jackson.

Much of That Kind of Mother focuses on the interactions between Rebecca’s and Cheryl’s families, who maintain fairly close, but hardly intimate, contact. Rebecca is incapable of intimacy—“people did not interest her”—and as Cheryl angrily points out, Rebecca also doesn’t listen. “You think I’m an extension of you,” she tells her angrily. “A character in your world, a supporting role. It’s not fair. I’m not that, I’m a person, your son’s sister. Your friend, sort of.” Rebecca accepts no guidance from Cheryl and Ian about the significant challenges Andrew will face as a black youth. She is offended when his fourth-grade teacher observes that he is disruptive and appears to suffer from “a maturity gap” (apparently he’s not unlike his adoptive mother in this regard). Rebecca is similarly blind to her husband’s needs and the work he does to fund a life in which she lacks for nothing. Their marriage, which to her resembles a performance for which she cannot remember her lines or a party at which small talk is required, not surprisingly fails— shortly after Charles and Diana’s does. For Rebecca, reality never quite meets the promise of fantasy. As for her professional life: the prestige of being a prize-winning, celebrated poet is of far greater importance than the creative work itself: the thinking and writing and playing with words.

In the end, it is hard to know quite what to make of Alam’s book. The issues raised in it—about interracial adoption, the abusive treatment of African Americans by police, the naïve (essentially self-serving) do-gooder-ism of the liberal well-to-do class—are pretty obvious ones. They’ve been done before. Alam’s characters are somewhat flat, and their dialogue is occasionally wooden. Perhaps the biggest problem of all, though, is that it’s almost impossible to imagine a person with Rebecca’s qualities being a poet. Throughout the book, various characters comment on her “optimism”, but it’s hard for a reader to regard her as anything but sheltered, shallow, and naïve—possibly mentally ill (at one point, she has a conversation—or hallucinated exchange—with Lady Di), and maybe just stupid and annoying.

Is it possible for a writer to interest readers in a protagonist who is so remarkably self-involved? Does the frustration of other characters with her self-centredness constitute adequate tension to keep a reader interested for 300-plus pages? Can a novel actually work if the protagonist undergoes no real change—is, in fact, incapable of change? I’m not sure. What I can say is that this is a puzzling and unusual book, which is not about what it at first seems to be about. That’s a kind of accomplishment—even if an inadvertent one.

Rebecca doesn’t want to be “that kind of mother”, the kind that talks endlessly about
and lives through her children. In this she succeeds: she is another kind of mother—a narcissistic one who has created or adopted children to be her hoped-for future audience. She imagines them coming back as men and marvelling at at all she has done. ...more

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May 26, 2018 Ginger rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: favorites

I would give this six stars if I could. Excellent writing, excellent story.

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May 10, 2018 Ella rated it really liked it

Shelves: 2018-read, usa, aoc, family-parenting-children-s-issues, black-in-the-usa, adoption-orphans-kids-w-less, fiction, race-class-relig-gender, xy, ebooks

It is so much harder to review things I like. I just noticed that most of my favorite books from this year's reading are left without reviews - that's because when I like something, I often can't tell you why. Here's what I noticed about this book: I expected it to be more hard-hitting in the areas of cross-cultural or cross-racial adoption, but it wasn't (which was nice.) I also expected more stupid white people, to be honest, but all of the characters come with their own unique strengths and It is so much harder to review things I like. I just noticed that most of my favorite books from this year's reading are left without reviews - that's because when I like something, I often can't tell you why. Here's what I noticed about this book: I expected it to be more hard-hitting in the areas of cross-cultural or cross-racial adoption, but it wasn't (which was nice.) I also expected more stupid white people, to be honest, but all of the characters come with their own unique strengths and weaknesses, blind spots and positive traits. Nobody is a hero, everyone is a real person. The characterizations are lovely and most of the time pretty believable. Rumaan Alam steers around lots of potential pitfalls and wisely sets this novel between 1985 and 1999, when the world really was a different place in many ways. At times the irony is so heavy it left drops on my table, but it's never sarcastic or mean-spirited. The characters are all learning and growing, and nobody gets off easily when dealing with race, what it means to be a family, how the world treats people from different classes, genders, races, backgrounds...

Almost more than race and class, what I read here was a uniquely American book in large part. I can't honestly remember being as optimistic as the people in this book, but it's impossible to regain ignorance in a post-everything world. These characters still have the Twin Towers (and even eat at Windows on the World,) haven't seen a full-on war in decades, think things are getting better. So beyond the obvious issues of race and class that get most of the ink in reviews, there is also a careful and poignant exploration of what it means to be American now that we know what these characters have yet to experience.

I couldn't help wondering what would happen in just a few years, when it all started to crumble for this family - I'd love to have followed this family through so many more points in history, and while it wasn't a cliff-hanger, I'd like to see the next decades covered by the adopted son if I got to make wishes into books. ...more

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Feb 13, 2018 Paige rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: giveaways, literary

Rebecca thinks she is an optimist. Why wouldn't she be? Things have always turned out fine for her. Turns out that her optimism may just be white privilege.
This book seems like it's going to tackle race issues, but it's more of an exploration into one woman's life. Yes, she has a black son, so race is a theme, but it wasn't touched on as heavily as I thought it would be. It was very clear that Rebecca is oblivious to her privilege, and though I found her thoughts interesting, she was also ...more

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May 16, 2018 Jessica rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: mmd-summer-reading-guide, ebook, owned

This was a mismatch of expectations. I've heard raves about how it's SO! GOOD! and was quite underwhelmed.

It's about interracial adoption and touches on the various liberal white views of racism through the 80s and 90s, yes, but...it only touches on them. Briefly. From "all skin is the same" to "isn't America color blind now?" many problematic views are laid out, but only barely talked about.

I thought we were going to dive deep and really get into the issues of a (mostly clueless) white family ...more

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Aug 22, 2018 Denise Cormaney rated it it was ok · review of another edition

I’m so disappointed. I need to remember that anything under 3.5 on GoodReads is a risk! I heard a stellar review of this book on a podcast from someone with whom I usually share taste in books, so I overlooked the 3.1 score. I need to remember that GoodReads > Podcasts.

This book had great potential! But the themes it was supposed to explore (race, adoption, etc) were barely touched upon. Seriously, barely. There was the obligatory story about driving while black and an anecdote about a ...more

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Feb 06, 2018 Emily rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: diversecast, lit-fic, parenting, contemporary-fiction, adult-fiction, poc-author

I'm on a "quiet novels about women's interior live"s kick, apparently. The set-up for this - a white woman adopts her black nanny's son after the nanny dies in childbirth - makes it sound much more issue driven than it is, although Alam does weave insights about race throughout. More than anything, though, this is a coming-of-middle-age story. The writing is lovely, and the details of Rebecca's life, the passing mentions about the news, about her career, about her husband, give it specificity ...more

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Apr 08, 2018 Michelle rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Shelves: 2018

I went back and forth on my feelings for this book. I liked that it was set in the 90’s and cultural references were weaved throughout the story (minus the blatant Starbucks references). I liked that it was a cast of diverse characters. I liked some of the descriptions of motherhood.

I did not particularly care for the main character, Rebecca. I did not find her storyline as a poet believable. I found it hard to reconcile the two main parts of the story: where she adopts Andrew and where she is ...more

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May 30, 2018 Samantha rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: poc-author-2018

I don't know if I'll ever recover from how well Rumaan Alam writes women. He does it incredibly well in Rich and Pretty, and he does it again in That Kind of Mother.

Of course, I can't relate to motherhood, but I can still relate to a lot of Rebecca and her world - sometimes in ways I don't necessarily want to admit, alas here we are. This book deals with a lot of issues, all with care and complexity. I remain a fan, and can't wait to see what comes next.

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Jul 05, 2018 Jeanne Lucier rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Self-absorbed protagonist, who never wanted to be, “ that mother who constantly talks about her kids,” became just that person; losing herself in motherhood willingly, with no clue how boring she is.

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Jun 06, 2018 eb rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Alam gets motherhood so exactly right—the simultaneous and entirely opposed feelings, the physical sensations, the loneliness, the pleasures. The plot of this novel hums along interestingly, and the issues it tackles (interracial adoption, well-meaning but clueless white liberalism) are interesting, too, but I would have loved the book even if those elements were excised, leaving nothing but the paragraphs about breastfeeding and childbirth. And not that the tones are remotely the same, but in ...more

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Jul 15, 2018 Vivek Tejuja rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Some books grow on you. They take their time for you to also grow on them. “That Kind of Mother” is one such book. It isn’t an easy book to get into. The prose is basic (or so it seems), the writing is simple (never a bad thing in my opinion) and characters are shown in black and white (till there is an outburst of every colour imaginable). Till it isn’t all of that and becomes something else altogether. You see the change coming and yet you do not. You seem prepared and you aren’t. Know what I Some books grow on you. They take their time for you to also grow on them. “That Kind of Mother” is one such book. It isn’t an easy book to get into. The prose is basic (or so it seems), the writing is simple (never a bad thing in my opinion) and characters are shown in black and white (till there is an outburst of every colour imaginable). Till it isn’t all of that and becomes something else altogether. You see the change coming and yet you do not. You seem prepared and you aren’t. Know what I am talking about? It is exactly that kind of a book.

“That Kind of Mother” is about a white mother who adopts a black son. That is the gist of the book and you know that there are so many angles to explore in the book. Rebecca Stone is a first-time mother and has a lot to learn. She is overwhelmed by her son and hires a nanny who is actually the hospital help, Priscilla Johnson. When Priscilla dies unexpectedly, Rebecca adopts her son. However, she never expected what would it be like to be a white mother to a black soon. She is soon to find out.

What is motherhood? What is it like being a white mother to a black child? Is a mother’s love the same when it comes to her child and the adoptive child? These are the questions that the book tackles throughout. The year is 1985 by the way and Rumaan Alam doesn’t for once hesitate to reveal the layers of racism and discrimination, which were rampant then and nothing has changed now either by the way.

Alam’s prose is heavy at times and easy at most times. There is a sense of dread at the same time – I always thought something awful might happen – that to me is the power of great writing. The one that instantly moves and involves you to a large extent in the book.

“That Kind of Mother” is the book which defines the world we live to some extent. It asks tough questions and discusses the limitations of maternal love in reflection to what the world asks of us. Alam addresses parentage, class, racism, and privilege with great wit and subtle prose and for once doesn’t let the clichés get better of the writing. Read it for all of this but more because of the love between a mother and a child. ...more

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May 01, 2018 Kalen rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: 2018-reads

**** 1/2

Loved this book though I'm not usually one for books about motherhood. But I was drawn to this one in part because the author, Rumaan Alam, is not a woman and in part because everyone raves about his first book, Rich and Pretty. Most men don't write female characters in convincing, meaningful ways but Alam does.

I've got a few small quibbles including the situation with Ian which was never mentioned again and the tension between Cheryl and Rebecca didn't play the role it could have ...more

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Jun 12, 2018 Stephanie Cowart rated it it was ok · review of another edition

There are plenty of male authors who can write female characters but Rumaan Alam is not one of them. I didn’t like Rich and Pretty either but thought I would try this one because it’s on the Modern Mrs Darcy summer list and it is about adoption. I was not impressed. The main character Rebecca was just strange - not a typical mother and I am sure that’s what he was going for but so much of what she did and how she lived was very unrealistic in my opinion. And the adoption was just....there - like ...more

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May 18, 2018 Sonya rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: 2018, 2008-2019-best-books

This novel is less about motherhood than it is about morality. It will generate rich book club discussions. The book doesn't find its groove until about 20% in, so be patient. Spoilers below.

(view spoiler) ...more

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Aug 14, 2018 KrisTina rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Shelves: 2018

STUPID. I hated the writing style - I found the story disjointed and lame and don't even get me started about how the daughter of the nanny is soooo weird. Their relationship didn't make sense. I think another "summer read" pick by MMD - and man - I need to just stop following her because I do believe she is a sell-out. And she needs to stop trying to make me buy her books. Okay - I'm done ranting. But really - this is a don't waste your time book. I'm embarrassed that I wasted mine.

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About Rumaan Alam

Rumaan Alam

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I'm the author of two novels, with a third on the way in 2020. My stories have appeared in StoryQuarterly, Crazyhorse, Meridian, and elsewhere. I've also written for the New York Times, the New Yorker, the New Republic, the Wall Street Journal, and other publications. I studied writing at Oberlin College. Now I live in New York with my husband and two kids.