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White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism

Robin DiAngelo,

Michael Eric Dyson (Foreword)

4.26 · Rating details · 112,828 ratings · 14,756 reviews

The New York Times best-selling book exploring the counterproductive reactions white people have when their assumptions about race are challenged, and how these reactions maintain racial inequality.

Referring to the defensive moves that white people make when challenged racially, white fragility is characterized by emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt and by behaviors in ...more

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Paperback, 154 pages

Published June 26th 2018 by Beacon Press

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Apr 12, 2019 Jenna rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: wake-up, race, sociology, non-fiction

I began reading this book with the assumption that I'd get a better understanding of why it's so hard to talk to other white people about race. Maybe there'd be a couple things I needed to be aware of in myself, but all in all, this would be a book about other white people.

Well! Damn if I wasn't wrong! Right in the beginning, Robin DiAngelo knocked me off of my why-I'm-not-racist pedestal. She called me out in the very beginning by suggesting that I the reader was probably sitting there thinkin ...more

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Dec 05, 2018 Eric rated it did not like it

Shelves: fiction

This is absolute genius!

Let's start with a book (is it a book, really? Content and page count it's more a pamphlet) with a subtitle that dismisses any logical argument or counterpoint to the content of the pamphlet as being 'afraid to talk about' the subject. Let's then publish the pamphlet at a time when we're surrounded by white people who can't shut up about racism and are fighting tooth and nail over who can appear to be the most enlightened 'woke' white people. We'll finish the pamphlet by ...more

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Sep 04, 2018 Lois rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: books-i-own-digital-copy, audio-book, books-i-read-in-2018, u-s-history, non-fiction, politics, feminist-books, poc-pov-char-or-peripheral-char

Skip this book entirely and read Caste by Isabel Wilkerson.
It covers much of the same info and is considerably better researched.

This book is written by a white person for other whites.
Most of what she writes is common sense but no doubt useful for white folks struggling to not feel attacked when racism is discussed.

I was annoyed at a remark about 21% in where the author points out that she isn't a fan of Black history month or Black firsts. The authors direct quote is "'I am not against Black H ...more

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Feb 13, 2019 Lady H rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2019

I'm undecided as to how to rate this book. On the one hand, it's a fantastic first step for folks just becoming aware of racism. But personally, as a POC who has been engaging with these concepts for years now, I found it very rudimentary. Which I can't really criticize it for! It's meant to be rudimentary! But it meant that my reading experience was both quick and a little dull. Which is no fault of the book. I will say that I was introduced to some sociological concepts that I hadn't been fami ...more

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Dec 11, 2018 Rebecca rated it did not like it

Half a century after the Civil Rights movement, vast disparities exist between blacks and whites in America. First and foremost, these group inequalities are caused by deep, historical trauma created by white racism and racist policies aimed against black persons and black culture. If slavery and Jim Crow caused a gaping wound, Civil Rights stitched it up; but underneath the wound still festers. How does this wound – the entrenched inequities between blacks and whites in America – continue to ex ...more

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Mar 28, 2018 Aaron Akbar rated it it was amazing

The book raises striking and specific points about how as whites we have biases toward race while pretending we are colorblind. She states specific examples, and outlays practical way forward.

Most of the lower star ratings of this book seem to be exhibiting the exact fragility she outlines, and really only prove to drive her point home further.
Even more, they seem to ignore the very clear outlining in the book of difference between personal and systemic racism. That the way forward is to stop t ...more

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Jun 15, 2020 jade rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Recommends it for: no one in particular

Recommended to jade by: the blackout buddy read hosted by shae

Shelves: non-fiction, sociopolitical, unpopular-opinion

this book is currently at the top of the new york times best seller list. it’s been there for eleven weeks straight, right in front of several other non-fiction books about race and racism written by people of color. it holds an average 4.5 rating here on goodreads with 32k+ ratings.

it’s also written by a white woman.

yes, well, bear with me.

the arguments in favor of that are about how white people accept criticism and callouts way better from other white people. they might even sit down to liste ...more

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Jun 24, 2020 mark monday rated it did not like it

Shelves: guidebooks

This is a sometimes interesting yet essentially broken vessel for the author's frustration in dealing with the ignorant and often prejudiced white people who have participated in her diversity seminars. The book trolls those participants while purporting to be a learning tool itself.

To a limited extent, it is that tool. Its chapter on white privilege provides a superb overview. Likewise its chapter on the essentially racist character of much U.S. history. These lessons can also be found elsewher ...more

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Oct 18, 2019 Thomas rated it it was amazing

Shelves: read-for-dmv-bookclub, nonfiction, own-physical, five-stars

An excellent, powerful book I would recommend to all white people. It scares me a bit to write that because I imagine some white people may take offense to that statement (an emotional reaction Robin DiAngelo discusses in the book), and at the same time I stand by it. I will write a little about this book’s high quality, though I want to start with a personal story that may help explain why this book means a lot to me.

Around a year ago, I called a white woman colleague out on a behavior of hers An excellent, powerful book I would recommend to all white people. It scares me a bit to write that because I imagine some white people may take offense to that statement (an emotional reaction Robin DiAngelo discusses in the book), and at the same time I stand by it. I will write a little about this book’s high quality, though I want to start with a personal story that may help explain why this book means a lot to me.

Around a year ago, I called a white woman colleague out on a behavior of hers that involved racism and colonization. Before I did so, I tried very hard to make sure that I delivered my concern in a gentle and affirming way. I put in extra effort to validate her as a person and I acted even nicer than perhaps I should have felt obligated to. This white woman asked me to meet in person after I emailed her my concern, and because I had trusted her, I agreed to this meeting.

In this meeting, this white woman displayed the exact set of behaviors DiAngelo describes in this book – white fragility. She said that she felt offended and hurt that I would accuse her of behaving in a colonizing/racist way. She said that no one in her life had ever or would ever call her out on this behavior. She said that I acted “aggressively” and that I should have “trusted” her more instead of blaming her. I want to reiterate that throughout this in-person meeting, I tried again and again to placate her with gentle reassurances while standing my ground. Still, she said that she felt hurt and centered her feelings over mine.

After this meeting, I felt devastated. I walked to my office, shut the door, and practiced a lot of deep breathing to calm down. I felt so misunderstood and tone-policed – I had just tried to offer this white woman gentle feedback on a problematic behavior, and she acted as if I had attacked her. Luckily, I was able to reach out to my friends (both people of color and white friends) who validated my experience and I read a ton of articles on tone-policing to understand that other people of color, especially black women, undergo the same discriminatory behavior.

I share this experience for the specific purpose of highlighting why I feel so grateful for Robin DiAngelo. Due to this incident and others, there are times where I feel fearful of sharing my true self and my authentic reactions around white people, because a lot of white people practice tone policing and white fragility. DiAngelo names these behaviors and explains how they hurt people of color. She breaks down the common ways white people collude in white supremacy, the problematic nature of the good/bad binary in relation to racism, and common racial triggers for white people. Here is a quote I appreciated about why white fragility acts as a form of bullying:

”White fragility functions as a form of bullying; I am going to make it so miserable for you to confront me – no matter how diplomatically you try to do so – that you will simply back off, give up, and never raise the issue again. White fragility keeps people of color in line and ‘in their place.’ In this way, it is a powerful form of white racial control. Social power is not fixed; it is constantly challenged and needs to be maintained. We might think of the triggers of white fragility discussed in chapter 7 as challenges to white power and control, and of white fragility as the means to end the challenge and maintain that power and control.”

I know that I should not applaud DiAngelo for doing the work that all white people should do, and again, I feel grateful to know that there are white people who will do the work of racial justice. Allies matter. For better or worse, white people listen to fellow white people more than they listen to people of color when it comes to racism, so we need white allies to show up to help dismantle white supremacy. Reading this book validated the experiences I have undergone as a person of color and helped reassure me that while there are a lot of white people who will hurt me, like the white woman in the incident described above, there are others, hopefully, who will use their privilege to fight for people of color. Here is another quote about how emotions are political and related to issues of social justice:

”Many of us see emotions as naturally occurring. But emotions are political in two key ways. First, our emotions are shaped by our biases and beliefs, our cultural frameworks. For example, if I believe – consciously or unconsciously – that it is normal and appropriate for men to express anger but not women, I will have very different emotional responses to men’s and women’s expressions of anger. I might see a man who expresses anger as competent and in charge and may feel respect for him, while I see a woman who expresses anger as childish and out of control and may feel contempt for her. If I believe that only bad people are racist, I will feel hurt, offended, and shamed when an unaware racist assumption of mine is pointed out. If I instead believe that having racist assumptions is inevitable (but possible to change), I will feel gratitude when an unaware racist assumption is pointed out; now I am aware of and can change that assumption. In this way, emotions are not natural; they are the result of the frameworks we are using to make sense of social relations. And of course, social relations are political. Our emotions are also political because they are often externalized; our emotions drive behaviors that impact other people.”

Again, highly recommended to all white people and also people of color interested in this topic. DiAngelo’s writing is clear, straightforward, and intelligent. She analyzes the issue of white fragility with great depth while providing tangible actions white people can take to address this issue. I hope white people who read this book will utilize its lessons and apply them to their own lives, whether or not anyone else watches. I hope that my fellow people of color know that you are not alone in experiencing white fragility and its painful repercussions. ...more

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Jul 04, 2020 Mario the lone bookwolf rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 0-humanities, 0-social-criticism

Victim role and defense mechanisms prevent an emancipated and enlightened reappraisal of past and present grievances, culminating in worsening of system immanent problems, backlashes, and indirect and unconscious promotion of racial divide. Building mental suppression reflexes, fortifications against unwanted truth, is a sign of an immature and romantic idealization of one´s ego for the price of being part of the problem.

The term aversive racism is well chosen, it´s exactly the subconscious mec ...more

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$J. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯$

Nov 05, 2019 J. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ rated it did not like it · review of another edition

I'm not going to finish this book. Chalk it up to my white fragility. Fragility, phobia - when garbage humans want to slap a label on you they try to ensure it's one that marks you as scared or weak.

It's hard for white people to speak in general, not just about racism, because a generation of apologist losers are trying to convince white people that being white isn't okay. Brown pride? The world could use more of it. Asian pride? They've done amazing things and should be proud. White pride? Oh m ...more

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Jul 26, 2018 Jack Heller rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

This book will cut you, white person, no slack. If you think you're progressive about race--and most white people think they are--you will be confronted by this book. It's not aimed at Klansmembers. It's aimed at the people who don't recognize where they fall short. That's me. It's probably you too. ...more

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May 01, 2019 Jessaka rated it it was ok · review of another edition

You Can't Win

We had a Native American come to a group that I attend, and the first words out of his mouth were, “I hate blacks.” I wasn’t there, but it was my understanding that the leader of the group gave him hell, how much hell I do not know. But no one else spoke up, and this bothered him. I heard this story and ran into him the following week when he sat down at the table where we were having breakfast. When he said that he was from Tulsa, I said, “When I think of Tulsa I think of the race You Can't Win

We had a Native American come to a group that I attend, and the first words out of his mouth were, “I hate blacks.” I wasn’t there, but it was my understanding that the leader of the group gave him hell, how much hell I do not know. But no one else spoke up, and this bothered him. I heard this story and ran into him the following week when he sat down at the table where we were having breakfast. When he said that he was from Tulsa, I said, “When I think of Tulsa I think of the race riot in 1920 when the white people burned down the black town in Tulsa, a large neighborhood with stores, doctors, lawyers, ministers, shop keepers, etc, and they killed men, women, and children.” I was trying to see for myself where this man would go with what I was telling him. He claimed that it was the black man’s fault, so I said, “If it was, there was no excuse to kill everyone they found and burn down their town.” I went on to say that I had read books on the riot, now called a “massacre,” and I didn’t see it as any black man’s fault. He felt that we should not even be talking about something that happened `100 years ago. I said, “They do because they have been traumatized.: I am not quick on conversations like this, but I would have added, :and they still are being traumatized due to senseless killings, etc. ” He said then that he didn’t like talking about race because he has been accused of being racist. When he got up from the table where we were sitting, he said that the KKK were good people, but I didn’t hear him; instead I my friend, who was sitting next to me, told me his last words.

So, I talked with the group leader, saying that people don’t know what racism is, that if they believe it to be true that a certain race is lazy or violent, etc. they don’t consider themselves to be racists. I added that we need a lecture on it. He said that people don’t listen to him because he is brown. I replied, “My ex white friends didn’t listen to me either, even though they believed I was completely white.” Well, the next time we had that group meeting, the racist man wasn’t there, but the leader talked about racism. It was this book that he used, so I got it.

I am sorry to say this: I didn’t care for this book sometimes her language was above my level of understanding. But then I felt myself getting pushed out of shape because it felt like she wanted to show everyone in her group that they were all racists. Maybe I am wrong here.

I am sure if I were in this author’s group she would believe that I was a racist, that is just what I felt when reading this book, although I consider myself an anti-racist. A white person couldn’t win. She seems to give no credit where credit is due.

One woman had said that she had friends who were black and on and on. The author was not impressed. So, I suppose you can’t say that you dated black men or Hispanic, etc. or that you were even married to one.

Back to the group that I attend weekly: Someone in our group brought up the governor, the one who wore black face in college. One person felt he should step down, I said, “I didn’t think so.” I didn’t add this: “We all make mistakes. I am interested in what kind of person he is now. Is he doing good?” But I imagine that this person felt that I was a racist. And this is the problem in our society now: people are looking to accuse others of racism, and I feel that that is what this author is doing too.

I have a white friend that I have known since my college days. She only dated black men, and she had a daughter from a black man. She used to say that black people were always late for appointments, and she called it “BP Time, Black People’s Time.” I imagine that she would be called a racist too, not someone who is just making generalizations.

Update: I decided last night to listen to parts of the book again, and came upon a chapter called “White tears,” tears that white women have when they see violence performed on black people. She claims that white tears are how white people lament on how hard racism is on them, and to back up her beliefs she says that other writers have commented on this too. She says that white women feel entitled to shed them. I listened further, and if any white person in her group begins to cry, they are asked to leave the room, because they are upsetting the black women who can’t stand white people’s tears. Plus, the woman crying is bringing attention to herself. So, I began to feel that she is standing up for the black people, when she should be investigating all of this in the group encounter that she is running. So, now I am really against this book. Most people don’t cry out of white guilt over slavery or to bring attention to themselves or whatever the reason.

Tears come without warning; they are due to compassion, not guilt. I have a hard time believing that white people feel guilty for what their ancestors did in the past. Maybe some do. But most of all we cry when we see pain in others. It doesn’t matter if they are black or white or brown. Who hasn’t felt the pain of the children at the Mexican border who are crying and being torn from their mother’s arms? Well, not everyone does as I have found out. I know of three people, when I mentioned this, immediately brought up how the Democrats behave. They deflected the subject, didn’t care about the children. Perhaps we feel guilty for chasing the Mexicans back to Mexico many years ago. Or for giving these “lazy” Mexicans jobs that the white man didn’t wish to perform, paying them very little and not caring for their medical needs.

I cried at the Wounded Knee museum when I read about the massacre of the Lakota Indians, whom I consider my people, even though I am not Lakota but Cherokee. Did I feel guilty because I wasn’t there? Did I feel guilty because my white ancestors killed them?

I cried when I read about the Tulsa race riot and went to the museum in Tulsa and saw that there was no black town left.

The author can call it what she wants, but I am not buying it. A much better book to read is, Dear White America by Tim Wise. He educates, explains racism without accusing. Any book by him is better than this one. He is a white anti-racist. I would also suggest reading books by black writers or take courses in black history. If fingers are still pointed at the white people, you can be sure that you won’t be blamed. And it will help you to see your own shortcomings without having any white guilt placed on you or be told that you are a racist. ...more

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Jun 17, 2020 Bookishrealm added it · review of another edition

Shelves: books-read-in-2020, audiobook, non-fiction

Okay first let me start by saying that I’m not rating this book. It’s intentional. I don’t feel like I can fairly rate a book that was not written for me. It is clearly stated by the author at the beginning of the book and it’s clear by the subject matter. I won’t even say that I enjoyed this book because some parts were triggering and some parts made me pissed as hell BUT is this knowledge that people should be privy too? Yes. Do I think that all White people will benefit from this information? ...more

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Jul 08, 2020 Elyse Walters rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Audiobook...
....read by Amy Landon

“White progressives cause the most daily damage to people of color”.

“To the degree that white progressives think we have arrived, we will put our energy into making sure that others see us as having arrived”.

Robin DiAngelo “allows us to understand racism as a practice not restricted to bad people”.

For me - this book was phenomenal!
The last couple of days it’s become a family affair ‘hot topic’.( Paul, me, Ali, Adam)....
a topic we are committed to continue ...more

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Jun 03, 2020 Monica rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: kindle_nonfiction, nonfic_challenge_2020, female-author-nonfic, pub_2010s, wh_fem_nonfic, 5-star, tbr-2020, popular, racial-matters, soc-sci-politics

I think the book resonated with me because in this turbulent time, I see every last one of these behaviors, right now in real time. It's like she's following me on social media.
------------------

[White fragility] is an idea that registers the hurt feelings, shattered egos, fraught spirits, vexed bodies, and taxed emotions of white folk. In truth, their suffering comes from recognizing that they are white—that their whiteness has given them a big leg up in life while crushing others’ dreams, t

...more

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May 15, 2020 Diane S ☔ rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: nfr-2020

There is no doubt that people of color have had and continue to have unfair biases and prejudicial acts committed against them. I agree in this area when she explains, through growing up in the inner city of Chicago, how this is so.

What I don't agree with is her book premise. How she assigns motives to white people, which may not be true..in particular the white woman talking over a black woman. I know plenty of white people who do this on a regular basis, In all white company. Does she really b ...more

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Jul 11, 2020 Candi rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: race, politics, non-fiction, sociology

“I repeat: stopping our racist patterns must be more important than working to convince others that we don’t have them. We do have them, and people of color already know we have them; our efforts to prove otherwise are not convincing. An honest accounting of these patterns is no small task given the power of white fragility and white solidarity, but it is necessary.”

This is going to be a rambling sort of stream-of-consciousness style review à la Virginia Woolf (minus all the finesse!) I just wan “I repeat: stopping our racist patterns must be more important than working to convince others that we don’t have them. We do have them, and people of color already know we have them; our efforts to prove otherwise are not convincing. An honest accounting of these patterns is no small task given the power of white fragility and white solidarity, but it is necessary.”

This is going to be a rambling sort of stream-of-consciousness style review à la Virginia Woolf (minus all the finesse!) I just want to set down in words what has weighed heavy on my mind. This book was a wake-up call and has been in my thoughts every day since I finished reading it. I want it to stay in my head every day. I want the discomfort I felt while reading it not to go away as I do with most things that are distressing. Instead, I want to remind myself of it each morning I climb out of my bed in my privileged white neighborhood in my primarily white suburban American hometown.

“I am a white American raised in the United States. I have a white frame of reference and a white worldview, and I move through the world with a white experience. My experience is not a universal human experience.”

These are the words I repeat to myself. I have moved beyond feeling defensive about this fact. Defensiveness really gets you nowhere in any sort of discussion. It shifts the focus from the real problem to something else entirely, and I don’t want to make that misstep any longer. I always felt I was a ‘good’ person. I taught my children the ‘right’ things. I didn’t need to examine myself too deeply because I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. I thought to myself, “I’m not a racist.” Yes, I confused the term with what I thought to be only acts of violence and hatred and prejudice.

“… we are taught to think about racism only as discrete acts committed by individual people, rather than as a complex, interconnected system.”

“When a racial group’s collective prejudice is backed by the power of legal authority and institutional control, it is transformed into racism, a far-reaching system that functions independently from the intentions or self-images of individual actors.”

As the title suggests, this book examines why white people are often difficult to engage in discussions about racism. And with this as the goal, I think it explains these reasons very effectively. I, for one, learned quite a lot about why I’ve never had sustained, meaningful talks with any of my acquaintances about racism. For the most part, we probably imagined ourselves exempt, as we were ‘not part of the problem’. How wrong we were. Now my job is to determine what to do about this next. Reading this book is a beginning but it is most certainly not an end. It needs to be a long journey in order to make it worthwhile.

“Naming white supremacy changes the conversation in two key ways: It makes the system visible and shifts the locus of change onto white people, where it belongs.”

“… my silence is not benign because it protects and maintains the racial hierarchy and my place within it.”

I’ve been having conversations about this book and about racism in general with both family members and some friends over the past couple of weeks or more. Other than with my children, I have run into exactly those obstacles author Robin DiAngelo illustrates here. While my son and daughter will sit patiently and listen openly without defensiveness, I have not found this to be the case with the majority of the adults in my life. It truly is difficult to have a purposeful discussion where the focus is on the critical issue at hand rather than the individual’s attempts to rationalize his or her own behavior. No one really wants to look too long in the mirror without making some argument as to why the mirror is not reflecting the perfect image they are seeking. One needs to take a look, admit it is indeed not the ideal reflection, then step away from the mirror and shift the focus to the real problem at hand. Set aside the guilt and self-pity and move forward.

“If you believe that you are being told you are a bad person, all your energy is likely to go toward denying this possibility and invalidating the messenger rather than trying to understand why what you’ve said or done is hurtful.”

“Get over yourself and move on” are the words I said when I looked in the mirror, and I think we would all do well to do the same. So, what is the next step? DiAngelo doesn’t necessarily delve into this too much. I don’t think it was the point of the book. To me this was a springboard of sorts. It’s a knock over your head, a kick in the seat of your pants. It’s now time for further education and reading as well as continued attempts at earnest conversations. After that, well, action and involvement in some helpful way seem to me the next obvious leg of the journey. While the message is a clear 5 stars for me, I found parts of this slightly repetitive, therefore my rating is landing on 4 stars. It’s an important book that I will urge my acquaintances and loved ones to read.

“We bring our racial histories with us, and contrary to the ideology of individualism, we represent our groups and those who have come before us.”

“… we must break the silence about race and racism with other white people.”

“Racism hurts (even kills) people of color 24-7. Interrupting it is more important than my feelings, ego, or self-image.”

“Many people of color are committed to teaching whites about racism (on their own terms) and have been offering this information to us for decades, if not centuries.”

“Interrupting racism takes courage and intentionality; the interruption is by definition not passive or complacent.” ...more

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Aug 10, 2020 Greta rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, best-reviews

Why This Book Makes it so Hard for White People to Talk About Racism

Definition: White fragility—discomfort and defensiveness of a white person when confronted with racism.

Despite the sincere intentions of its author, I think that the book diminishes Black people in the name of dignifying them. DiAngelo examines how white fragility develops and how it protects racial inequality. She argues that white Americans must face their own racism, that was implanted in them by a racist society. Their refus ...more

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Sep 22, 2019 Youp rated it did not like it

Definitions
Here is the premise of a book I’m going to write: every person over eighteen is a child abuser. All adults are involved in a conspiracy to abuse children, and to maintain this status quo. If I confront you, an adult, about this and you react with anger, sadness, argumentation, silence, walking away, or any other possible human emotion, you have confirmed my accusation. You might think you deeply care about children, and you would never abuse them, but this is either denial or your sub ...more

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Aug 02, 2018 Trish rated it it was amazing

Shelves: america, nonfiction, psychology, audio, political-science, race

The provocative title of this book is a draw. What are we doing, saying, thinking that is unconscious and yet still brings out some kind of anger or fear response in us when challenged? I am constantly learning how much I don’t know about race in America and much more there is to know. DiAngelo is also white, by the way. She, too, makes racist mistakes, though more rarely now, even years after immersing herself in how it manifests. We can’t escape it. We have to acknowledge it.

That is basically The provocative title of this book is a draw. What are we doing, saying, thinking that is unconscious and yet still brings out some kind of anger or fear response in us when challenged? I am constantly learning how much I don’t know about race in America and much more there is to know. DiAngelo is also white, by the way. She, too, makes racist mistakes, though more rarely now, even years after immersing herself in how it manifests. We can’t escape it. We have to acknowledge it.

That is basically what this book is about. How we must acknowledge our race, that we do in fact see race, that we make assumptions about people based on race, how we need to disrupt habitual patterns of interaction, and then consciously try to put ourselves in the way of disrupting the patterns of racism which are literally claiming the lives of too many people of color for reasons we would never recognize as legitimate in our own lives. It’s been—give or take—one hundred and fifty years since the Civil War. Sometimes it feels as it hasn’t been won by anti-slavers. Shame on us.

The first part of the book is a slow and careful baby-steps leading to a hot-button topic, giving readers/listeners time to blow off their indignation and stop being surprised that yes, she is going to talk about white supremacy in American life and how this consistently sidelines the needs, emotions, and opportunities of people of color. She is going to talk about the ways white people consistently deny this truth, do not recognize it applies to all white people, all of whom benefit from the system as it operates in the United States. But the best part comes at the end, when she cites people like me who have said, "Yeah, but I know this already," or "But I’m not racist," or "I have friends who are black," or "I’ve lived overseas," etc.

DiAngelo talks about white solidarity:

"The unspoken agreement among white to protect white advantage and not cause another white person to feel racial discomfort by confronting them when they say or do something racially problematic…Why speaking up about racism would ruin the ambiance [at the dinner table or in a social situation] or threaten our career advancement is something we might want to talk about."

and

"meritocracy is a precious ideology in the United States, but neighborhoods and schools are demonstrably not equal; they are separate and unequal."

and

"We are taught we lose nothing of value through racial segregation."

Racism is systemic, institutional, omnipresent, and epistemologically embedded in our reality, according to filmmaker Omowale Akintunde. It is not like murder: we don't have to "commit it" for it to happen. It can be unconscious.

The best argument I have ever heard for why we falsely assume racism doesn’t exist when we don't mean to do something racist is this: a woman married to a man would never say, "Because I am married to a man, I have a gender-free life." Even a married woman will carry prejudices with her about men. Di Angelo insists we do not set up a false binary: racism is bad, non-racists are good. It is probably better to think of ourselves on a continuum. With effort, we can improve our understanding but because the system operates without our consent, we will never escape it.

We are reminded that the white identity needs black people in order to exist. Around blackness we have created certain myths (about dangerousness, laziness, etc) which we may have thought we’d eradicated until some stray incident makes them come flooding back to consciousness. Whiteness is then a false identity, of superiority. A black person who steps out of their ‘place’ and demands to be treated equally, as in sports stars or popular singers, may trigger a backlash. DiAngelo gives a brilliant exegesis of the book/movie The Blind Side about a poor black high school football player adopted by a rich white family, and how it perpetrates dominant white ideologies. That book came out to great acclaim only in 2007. It seems like a lifetime since then, but it is only ten years.

Race and racism are emotional subjects. We may discover the ways whites have perpetrated a system of injustice against people of color out of ignorance, but ignorance is no longer a good excuse. We have work to do disrupting what we see as race bias in America today, making sure our kids are educated in a way that improves their understanding of conscious/unconscious race bias, and making sure they understand their lives will be deficient without interaction with and understanding of black lives.

We must work to widen our circles so that people of color are a part of our worldview, always remembering we are doing this for ourselves, not for the benefit of people of color. We are not being generous; we are seeking justice. Ask for feedback, but don’t be overly sensitive when people respond. Feedback is useful. Make sure to keep the focus on learning, not on one’s own fragility. And remember, one doesn’t have to intend to be racist to act in a racist way. It’s the water we swim in.

I listened to the audio of this, narrated by Amy Landon, and had access to a paper copy. DiAngelo gives a terrific short ‘Continuing Ed’ bibliography in the back, sharing other excellent titles. There are sure to be a couple of articles or books or podcast you still haven’t seen. There was only one book I admired that I did not see listed there: Good White People by Shannon Sullivan, out of the University of North Carolina. DiAngelo makes note of the terrific podcast, Seeing White, put together by a team headed by John Biewen out of Duke University. All of it is worthwhile. ...more

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Jun 11, 2020 Vanessa Murakami rated it did not like it · review of another edition

As a Japanese woman I am appalled by the level of racism against white people the author is demonstrating in this book. And she herself is white! Which goes to show that self-hatred is strong with this one. She essentially says that all white people are racist, whether they know it or not (which shuts down all conversation in and of itself), and that that pseudo-fragility she's talking about along with the pseudo-reticence white people have when it comes to talking about racism are nothing more ...more

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Jul 20, 2020 Angela M rated it really liked it · review of another edition

I’ve had this book on my kindle for over a month now, knowing that it was an important book to read, but I put it off. Why? Maybe because I was afraid of facing my “white fragility” or worse yet finding out I was a racist. The civil rights giant John Lewis passed away a couple of days ago. After reading a number of tributes profiling his life of courage and strength, a life dedicated to righting injustices against black peopIe, I decided it was time.

Perched on my couch in my house in a predomin I’ve had this book on my kindle for over a month now, knowing that it was an important book to read, but I put it off. Why? Maybe because I was afraid of facing my “white fragility” or worse yet finding out I was a racist. The civil rights giant John Lewis passed away a couple of days ago. After reading a number of tributes profiling his life of courage and strength, a life dedicated to righting injustices against black peopIe, I decided it was time.

Perched on my couch in my house in a predominantly white suburb, I watch the protests in the streets of our country. I sit here and applaud Black Lives Matter. I yell at the tv when I see the incidents where black men and women have the police called on them for entering their own apartments, or swimming in their own pools, for just living their lives and for sometimes getting killed because they are black. My heart breaks for those who suffer these discriminations. I tell myself and others that I’m not a racist. Not so fast. Could my emotional response be just “my white tears” ? God I hope not! Because for me feeling and caring is part of the equation. “I was taught to treat everyone the same .” So I’m not racist. Not so fast. If I say “Race has nothing to do with it. I’m not racist - right ? Not so fast. “I have friends who are black.” That makes me not racist - right ? Not so fast.

Robin DiAngelo challenges white people on what racism and white supremacy mean. These are not just overt acts that many of us find atrocious, but the systematic racism that most of us ignore because we think these individual acts that are so abhorrent and are committed only by really terrible people is what racism is. I was particularly struck by these things she lists that I knew on some level, but never really thought about or talked about with anyone. These are just some of the statistics she lists (p 31 - 32) from 2016-2017, an eye opener for most white people on what white supremacy looks like:

* Ten richest Americans: 100 percent white (seven of whom are among the ten richest in the world)
* US. Congress: 90 percent white
* US governors : 96 percent white
* Top military advisors : 100 percent white
* People who decide which TV shows we see : 93 percent white
* People who decide which books we read : 90 percent white
* People who decide which news is covered: 85 percent white
* Teachers : 82 percent white
* And more

I have to admit I’m a little leery about being critical of the book in any way because it’s an extremely important book . But I have to say in all honesty, that I don’t see Black History Month in the same way as she does. DiAngelo thinks that Black History Month reflects the idea “that racism in the United States can operate outside white people is reinforced through celebrations such as Black History Month, in which we study the Civil War and civil rights eras as if they occurred separately from all US history.” I’ve always felt that it emphasizes that these are very much a part of our history and need to be recognized as such. Having said that, I saw her analysis as a first step of thinking in a different way, of looking into ourselves even though it’s uncomfortable. It was not easy to read knowing that I am part of the problem. I highly recommend this book. Although she warns us not to depend on people of color for “our racial education”, I am compelled to read some James Baldwin and Ta-Nehisi Coates and Ibram Kendi. ...more

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Jun 20, 2020 Malia rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction

I want to preface this review by saying, despite some points I read critically, I do think White Fragility is a thought provoking book. Do I think it's perfect? No. Do I think a white woman, even one who has studied racial inequities with intense devotion could illustrate the profundity of the societal rot that is racism? No. But it's a start, and that is something.

I wrote down all these notes that I made while reading White Fragility, but then I came across this article, and the author puts it I want to preface this review by saying, despite some points I read critically, I do think White Fragility is a thought provoking book. Do I think it's perfect? No. Do I think a white woman, even one who has studied racial inequities with intense devotion could illustrate the profundity of the societal rot that is racism? No. But it's a start, and that is something.

I wrote down all these notes that I made while reading White Fragility, but then I came across this article, and the author puts it more succinctly than I could have (https://theweek.com/articles/921623/l...). While this book is thought provoking, it is also lacking in certain fundamental ways. I recommend reading it, because it certainly made me think, but the more I did, the more I felt frustrated with DiAngelo and felt she veered into "white savior territory". She, being a white woman, offers vast and generalized criticisms and observations, but very limited solutions. This becomes especially evident when she repeatedly emphasizes how unresponsive people in her workshops are when she tells them they're all racists and how ineffective thus her methods seem to be. I thought a lot about this, wondering if I am being defensive, but I don't think that's where my issue with this book comes from. Like so many others, shaken by racial inequity and violence that seems to have become a norm, I am finally taking the overdue step of trying to learn more, of trying to listen and have conversations about an issue, so insidious in this society, that we think it is better to just pretend it doesn't exist. One statement that did really resonate with me in this book was the following, "One cannot change what one refuses to see". I want to move forward with my eyes open. This book did not offer everything I hoped it would, but it is perhaps a start. I would highly recommend Chokehold by Paul Butler, which, though I am only halfway through, has already taught me so much more about systemic racism in this country and how one might consider addressing it at all levels.
If you disagree with my assessment of the book, I would welcome discussion, but let's do so respectfully.

Find my book reviews and more at http://www.princessandpen.com ...more

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Jun 09, 2020 Gabby added it · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2020, memoir-or-nonfiction, audiobooks-i-listened-to

It's been a few days since I finished this book, and I've been thinking about it so much. I love listening to nonfiction audiobooks and it's recently come to my attention that I haven't read any audiobooks that specifically deal with race and white privilege. This book was a very educational experience for me because before reading this book I had never even heard the term 'white fragility'. This book had so many powerful quotes that I will leave below:

“I was co-leading a workshop with an Africa It's been a few days since I finished this book, and I've been thinking about it so much. I love listening to nonfiction audiobooks and it's recently come to my attention that I haven't read any audiobooks that specifically deal with race and white privilege. This book was a very educational experience for me because before reading this book I had never even heard the term 'white fragility'. This book had so many powerful quotes that I will leave below:

“I was co-leading a workshop with an African American man. A white participant said to him, "I don't see race; I don't see you as black." My co-trainer's response was, "Then how will you see racism?"

“The key to moving forward is what we do with our discomfort. We can use it as a door out—blame the messenger and disregard the message. Or we can use it as a door in by asking, Why does this unsettle me? What would it mean for me if this were true?”

“The simplistic idea that racism is limited to individual intentional acts committed by unkind people is at the root of virtually all white defensiveness on this topic.”

"- Ten richest Americans: 100 percent white (seven of whom are among the ten richest in the world)
- US Congress: 90 percent white
- US governors: 96 percent white
- Top military advisers: 100 percent white
- President and vice president: 100 percent white
- US House Freedom Caucus: 99 percent white
- Current US presidential cabinet: 91 percent white
- People who decide which TV shows we see: 93 percent white
- People who decide which books we read: 90 percent white
- People who decide which news is covered: 85 percent white
- People who decide which music is produced: 95 percent white
- People who directed the one hundred top-grossing films of all time, worldwide: 95 percent white
- Teachers: 82 percent white
- Full-time college professors: 84 percent white
- Owners of men’s professional football teams: 97 percent white

The groups listed above are the most powerful in the country. These numbers are not a matter of “good people” versus “bad people.” They represent power and control by a racial group that is in the position to disseminate and protect its own self-image, worldview, and interests across the entire society.”

I will never know what it is like to live in America as a Black person, but the best I can do is educate myself and be a better ally and I feel like this book has opened my eyes to so many things I never considered before. I think this book is a great first step and it will be the first of many nonfiction books that focus on racism that I plan to read soon. ...more

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May 26, 2019 Jenny (Reading Envy) rated it it was amazing

Shelves: read2019, newest-literary-fiction-group

I've spent the last month discussing this book in a Goodreads group. While the book is only 169 pages, it was helpful to proceed slowly and really talk about the points DiAngelo was trying to make, working past the defensiveness. I feel like it should be required reading for all white people. DiAngelo ends the book with very practical ideas that I found very useful.

Highlights:

-The concept of belonging and how central it is to whiteness, more of an assumption

"If you believe that you are being tol ...more

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Jun 20, 2020 Warda rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobooks

“White fragility is not weakness per se. In fact, it is a powerful means of white racial control and the protection of white advantage.”

Should I just regurgitate the message that every white person needs to read this?

Yeah. I think I will.

And some aspects of this fragility can also nicely extend to POC communities.

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Aug 02, 2018 Courtney rated it liked it

I nearly returned this book. I had purchased the audiobook from Audible, and I found the tone to be dry, dull, and schoolmarmish. If I was to picture Robin DiAngelo, it would be my middle school librarian, wagging her finger at me. I had this reaction despite knowing what tone policing is. Despite consciously being aware that it is a common response for white people to focus on the method of information delivery over the actual information being delivered, and to prioritize their comfort over th I nearly returned this book. I had purchased the audiobook from Audible, and I found the tone to be dry, dull, and schoolmarmish. If I was to picture Robin DiAngelo, it would be my middle school librarian, wagging her finger at me. I had this reaction despite knowing what tone policing is. Despite consciously being aware that it is a common response for white people to focus on the method of information delivery over the actual information being delivered, and to prioritize their comfort over the message, this was still my immediate reaction. That is the strength of white fragility in a nutshell.

My immediate reaction was that I did not need this book: I understand that to say you’re “colorblind” is neither helpful nor in any way actually possible. I understand that race influences every aspect of the everyday experiences of people of color, and that as white people, we are responsible to not only be allies but actually to be active proponents and advocates of change. My initial intention in choosing to read the book was to learn how to better navigate conversations about race with more conservative white acquaintances, and out of interest because race in America is something I grapple with personally as I have interrogated my own behavior as a white liberal woman, such as why I would take the time to march for women’s rights but not for POC.

I listened to part of the audiobook with my mother in the car. She actually said one of the exact things that DiAngelo calls out as a way we as white people deny responsibility for engagement in race dialogue: “I’ve lived in Hawaii, so I know what it feels like to be a minority.” She votes Democrat. She was part of the civil rights movement in the 60s. She makes annual donations to nonprofits that support these causes. She told me to turn the book off and put on NPR.

However, I’m so glad I didn’t return this book. I’m so glad I stayed with it, all the way to the end, because DiAngelo’s primary argument is compelling: racism is a system that permeates our society, and that by being a part of that society, white people are inherently going to be racist. We’re going to say things and do unacceptable things that within the context of this racially charged environment, within the historical context of oppression and slavery and racial dominance, even despite the fact that some of us may have the best intentions. She argues that intentions don’t matter, it’s actions that matter, and when these missteps happen, we have learned that being “racist” is such a bad thing, that it’s very hard to hear and understand and correct for that behavior, when in fact that is exactly the thing we should be doing, to strive to be better.

These are strong words, and a strong message. DiAngelo’s primary statement is compelling, and important.

There are some aspects of the book that I found could be stronger: as I mentioned, the tone and delivery at times seemed off. I realize this is a difficult subject matter, and perhaps no tone would have won over all readers, but for me the tone used was probably the worst possible of all choices.

Additionally, DiAngelo relies heavily on her anecdotes and experiences as a corporate consultant and trainer on diversity in the workplace. Although this is certainly the basis of her experience, I found this central focus of the book to be myopic. DiAngelo’s message is much bigger than any one career path or set of racial awareness and inclusion trainings. By focusing on these examples, she does herself a disservice by pigeonholing her message unnecessarily. I also found this focus monotonous after several examples.

Finally, and in my opinion most importantly, I noticed that DiAngelo as a white person would occasionally interject quotes from POC (Ta Nehesi Coates, Ijeoma Oluo, amongst others, which in themselves I would consider to be mandatory reading), however I also noticed that there was only one instance where she actually asked a POC for her perspective and interpretation and feelings with regards to an incident being described. How can you write an entire book about white people’s fragility regarding race relations while nearly erasing the experience of POC? I consider this choice to be highly problematic. One cannot discuss white fragility without discussing the impact of white fragility on the experience of POC, and that impact cannot be an assumed impact: there needs to be the respect and the place for people to tell their own experience.

It is this final omission that is the primary reason that I am not rating this book higher. DiAngelo’s message is compelling, and I am grateful for the way she has helped me to re-think my engagement in the race dialogue and actions as a white person. However, I ended the book thinking that readers might still be better served by actually reading one of the books by POC that she quotes. ...more

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Apr 19, 2018 Scott Freeman rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 2018

This should be mandatory reading for all white people. Truly important.

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Aug 07, 2020 Lori rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Recommended to Lori by: Jenna's review

Shelves: reviewed, kindle

I bought some books after George Floyd was murdered, a few before Rayshard Brooks. All before those little girls were laid on the ground and handcuffed. I got this one not even realizing a white woman wrote it. A friend's review did just what great reviews should, and hers do: jarred me, made me uncomfortable and left me ripe for reading this...

And I brought to this book everything Robin DiAngelo already knows about me without knowing me: my belief I'm not a racist because I have very close frie I bought some books after George Floyd was murdered, a few before Rayshard Brooks. All before those little girls were laid on the ground and handcuffed. I got this one not even realizing a white woman wrote it. A friend's review did just what great reviews should, and hers do: jarred me, made me uncomfortable and left me ripe for reading this...

And I brought to this book everything Robin DiAngelo already knows about me without knowing me: my belief I'm not a racist because I have very close friends who are black, one of my besties in fact, my dad had a good friend who is black, I was raised not to be a racist, I am not a racist, I, Lori, can't be a racist, that's not me...

And then I read this:
"...our simplistic definition of racism—as intentional acts of racial discrimination committed by immoral individuals—engenders a confidence that we are not part of the problem and that our learning is thus complete."

And then I remembered the incident in the grocery store. Where I had my back to the aisle, reaching in the frozen section, and spotted someone in the reflection of the glass case walking away. "You're supposed to be watching my purse!" I said strongly. Because she was. And then I heard a torrent and turned around to find a thirty-ish black man and his son of maybe seven looking at me in horror and unleashing. Do you know what you've done to him? was part of his rant. I've spent his entire life trying to make him smart but not afraid of white people and do you know what you've just undone, do you know the harm you've done to my son? Every black man you see in the supermarket is not out to steal your purse and now he will carry that. On and on and the more I cried and protested I'm not a racist the angrier I got...

And that's what this book is about. White people. Me. How my tears and protestations were about me, not him and not his son. And were racist. It doesn't matter what the intention is. It doesn't matter that I didn't even know he was there. What mattered then was how falsely accused I felt. What matters now is how falsely accused HE felt and the message being received by his son. I thought I looked at it from his standpoint but no, my racism got in the way. My white privilege that I didn't know I had. Now I get it. He had every right to think me a racist despite the fact that I didn't know they were there. His life has prepared him for it. I am part of the white race that has created that...

DiAngelo's job is running workshops to bring these things to light and some of it was basic but the parts that cut deep, the parts that hurt worst made me cry for HIM and not me and then DiAngelo taught me that my tears, they're still about me. They're not about him at all. Or systemic racism. My tears are my white privilege falling out of my eyes...

Can we change the world? Can we change ourselves? It's so entrenched. Now reading Ibraham Kendi/Josh Reynolds book, the remix of "Stamped," which I'm reading now, I'm looking back on and getting even more out of DiAngelo's book. Some have criticized hers for being by a white person for white people. But that's the point. It doesn't matter that my family wasn't here until long after and it doesn't matter what persecution they suffered or what as a female I have had to bear or anything else but my whiteness and the theft or sale of black bodies brought to distant shores for the purpose of performing hard labor at no cost and breeding more free labor. And that as a society we have not recovered...

And maybe never will but I want to believe. Marching together isn't going to do it. I never believed in reparations before but now I'm thinking a lot about them. I have more to do. I have to change and every one of us who doesn't consider ourselves racist or worse, considers ourselves race-blind, because black people wear that black every day and it is a piece of every second of their day and white people are almost always oblivious to just how embedded it is in our allegedly modern, liberal parts of our souls and society until someone gets murdered or something drips out of a white candidate's mouth that suddenly makes us go hmmm, now where is that really coming from? and people say he doesn't have a racist bone in his body...

This book is a great place to start. I would handle that encounter in the grocery store so differently now. DiAngelo provides a lot of information on that. I keep playing it out different ways because I can't know which if any is the one that will speak to HIS pain. Forget my tears. Unintentionally they're not just condescending they are racist. Whether I meant it that way or not. The ones in the white hoods won't be making the change. We have to. WE HAVE TO...

I didn't finish this book believing I have a road map for that but she's given me a lot to think about. And provided a telling intro to the black authors I'm reading now and will continue to. I can't solve the world but I can shed my cluelessness, I can handle that next encounter better, I can use my vote better, I can think harder, understand better. I can get that I can't ever get it. And maybe I can change. That's the good in this book: pointing out the poison in me that I didn't know is there. And knowing that to be not-racist is not to ignore color, it's to see it. Or, as DiAngelo says:

"When I start from the premise that of course I have been thoroughly socialized into the racist culture in which I was born, I no longer need to expend energy denying that fact."...

It's a start and just a start. Reading it more and more I had to push away thoughts of gee, I wish someone would write this sort of book for men about women. But there I go again: if I'm being honest, a white woman's journey is not a black woman's so there too I'm being racist. Which is why, while I recommend this as a good starting point, I'm relying on contemporary black authors for all the rest of my reading. Not to do so would be another manifestation of my racism. ...more

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About Robin DiAngelo

Robin DiAngelo

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Robin J. DiAngelo is an American academic, lecturer, and author working in the fields of critical discourse analysis and whiteness studies. She formerly served as a tenured professor of multicultural education at Westfield State University and is currently an Affiliate Associate Professor of Education at the University of Washington in Seattle. She is known for her work pertaining to white fragili ...more

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White Fragility / Natives / Black Listed: 3 Books Collection Set

White Fragility, Me and White Supremacy [Hardcover], Natives Race and Class in the Ruins of Empire 3 Books Collection Set

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“It is white people’s responsibility to be less fragile; people of color don’t need to twist themselves into knots trying to navigate us as painlessly as possible.” — 93 likes

“I believe that white progressives cause the most daily damage to people of color. I define a white progressive as any white person who thinks he or she is not racist, or is less racist, or in the “choir,” or already “gets it.” White progressives can be the most difficult for people of color because, to the degree that we think we have arrived, we will put our energy into making sure that others see us as having arrived. None of our energy will go into what we need to be doing for the rest of our lives: engaging in ongoing self-awareness, continuing education, relationship building, and actual antiracist practice. White progressives do indeed uphold and perpetrate racism, but our defensiveness and certitude make it virtually impossible to explain to us how we do so.” — 72 likes

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