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No One Tells You This

Glynnis MacNicol

3.92 · Rating details · 3,679 ratings · 476 reviews

If the story doesn’t end with marriage or a child, what then?

This question plagued Glynnis MacNicol on the eve of her 40th birthday. Despite a successful career as a writer, and an exciting life in New York City, Glynnis was constantly reminded she had neither of the things the world expected of a woman her age: a partner or a baby. She knew she was supposed to feel bad ab ...more

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Hardcover, 294 pages

Published July 10th 2018 by Simon & Schuster

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Aug 04, 2018 Thomas rated it it was amazing

Shelves: nonfiction, feminism, own-physical, biography-or-memoir, five-stars

I love this courageous, gentle, thoughtful memoir. Glynnis MacNicol writes about her 40th year, in which she finds herself without a romantic partner or kids. Determined to avoid the stories and stereotypes so often told about single, childless women (e.g., objects of pity, selfish and spoiled creatures, invisible humans), she sets out to create a new, more empowered narrative. She embarks on a journey of self-discovery and connecting with others that entails family illness and struggle, travels I love this courageous, gentle, thoughtful memoir. Glynnis MacNicol writes about her 40th year, in which she finds herself without a romantic partner or kids. Determined to avoid the stories and stereotypes so often told about single, childless women (e.g., objects of pity, selfish and spoiled creatures, invisible humans), she sets out to create a new, more empowered narrative. She embarks on a journey of self-discovery and connecting with others that entails family illness and struggle, travels to foreign countries and encounters with men, and embracing old friendships filled with support and shared history. Within this year, MacNicol has numerous insights about love, loneliness, meaning in life, and more, all while recognizing that taking ownership of her choices and her destiny brings about a radical fulfillment outside the confines of a conventional life.

As someone who has worried about not finding a husband while also enjoying his life without a boyfriend or potential husband, I related so much to MacNicol's memoir. I appreciate her strength and thoughtfulness in No One Tells You This. She details her process of coming to cherish her independence and her deep relationship with herself as a single woman without kids, while also honoring how she has sometimes wished for a husband and/or kids to fill the voids of loneliness. She approaches various relevant topics with perceptiveness and warmth, including how we extol the virtues of kids and romance on social media and leave out the negatives, the immense pleasure and depth of friendship despite its precariousness, the joy of mobility as an untethered person, her privilege as a white woman, and more. I feel like MacNicol put her whole heart into this book and it shows, through her personal epiphanies as well as the quiet, more ordinary moments she shares, like driving her sister's kids to school. A quote about friendship I loved, as she reflects on one of her closest friends getting married.

"I wasn't envious of Mauri. If anything, I was envious of our past lives together, and I was mourning a life I was losing. The resentment, I'd realized, was rooted in the fact that I never had any control over this upending of my life. It had never occurred to me that I was allowed to do anything but silently accept it. The fact that no one acknowledged that I had anything to be upset about made it all that much worse. It was hard work to root yourself so deeply in life that you could still love people and rely on them, knowing at any point they could make decisions that would leave you scrambling to find solid ground again. This was the better or worse of friendship, undeclared. What I wanted was for there to exist some way for me to say 'I'm happy and sad and not jealous' all at the same time, and also 'This is a loss and is still beautiful.' Maybe that was the wedding toast. 'We are really the ones giving you way. And it's hard. And I will miss our life. And I am still so happy for your happiness. And so proud of you.'"

MacNicol does a fantastic job integrating her journey toward contentment in independence with her caretaking of her mother who is dying from Parkinson's and Dementia. In the hands of a less skilled writer, these two seemingly disparate life threads may have joined together in an awkward, or at worst, insensitive way. But MacNicol honors the legacy of her mother's life with beautiful prose while still commenting on how she herself wants and has created a different life. She further dispels stereotypes of single, childless women by showing how deeply and lovingly she cared for her mother toward her life's end, which reminded me of my own grandmother's passing and made my heart hurt in the best possible way. MacNicol's vulnerability and quiet yet compelling portrayal of raw emotion, ranging from grief to loneliness to confidence and self-fulfillment, all contributed to this my five-star rating of this memoir. I want to share one more quote, about not having kids and living in the moment:

"I also knew without a doubt that the joy of my life was rooted in my ability to move when I wanted and how. I valued that ability to be in motion more than anything. I could hear the arguments in my head, the return of the magazine voices: 'You're going to regret this in ten years.' 'You don't know what you're missing.' Of course, I might regret it. I knew that. there were an endless number of things about my life I might end up regretting. Some I already did. But it seemed to me that going through life making decisions on what I might possibly feel in a future that may or may not come about was a bad way to live. I wasn't going to have a baby as an insurance policy against some future remorse I couldn't yet imagine. I had more respect for myself than that. The truth was, no one knows what they're missing in the end. You can only live your own life, and do your best with the outcome when you roll the dice."

Overall, a wonderful memoir I would recommend to anyone who has ever questioned the fullness of their life, or who has decided to live a life outside of society's traditional paths. While I feel that MacNicol could have gone a little deeper with some of the feminist (or even somewhat queer) ideas in the memoir, like further interrogating how society pressures women and feminine people to marry and have kids, I can see why she chose to keep the book closer to her own experience. No One Tells You This affirms the importance of self-determination in creating a life worth living. Thanks to MacNicol, I feel once again so excited to take ownership of my life, no man or child necessary. ...more

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Mar 30, 2018 Jennifer ~ TarHeelReader rated it really liked it

Shelves: kindle-version, arcs, 2018-reads, memoirs

Glynnis MacNicol was about to turn 40, and all-of-sudden, she began to question her life’s purpose. Up to that point, she’d had it all in her mind- a successful career and an exciting life. But should she want more? Should she want what society says every 40 year old woman should have?

This memoir chronicles MacNicol’s 40th year, as she takes a deeply personal journey of self-discovery. It’s a tough year for her emotionally, she has an ill family member, and she has to walk through many highs an ...more

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Feb 18, 2018 Lydia rated it it was amazing

This memoir isn't just for single ladies- it's for all of us who feel like life is passing us by and we can't see or fathom where the time has gone. It's for those trapped in memories of childhood and times past, feeling as though we are still living in those moments. It's also a memoir for anyone who has watched an older woman in their life who they loved deeply, become lost inside herself because of something beyond her control. Loved this book a whole lot- I don't hand out 5 star reviews very ...more

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Jul 04, 2018 Valerity (Val) rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: netgalley, non-fiction, biography-memoir, to-review, 2018, womens, feminism

Not every woman is meant for couplehood, marriage, babies and PTA. And not every woman grows up wanting a life that includes all of those things. On the cusp of turning 40, the author has been thinking about her options and wondering why she isn’t more panicked about being in a relationship or her biological clock ticking down. With her mother going through serious health problems and her sister’s marriage experiencing a breakup as she’s about to have her 3rd child, it seems like things are fall ...more

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Mar 23, 2019 Britta Böhler rated it really liked it

Shelves: 01secondshelf-read, femlit, memoirs, non-fiction, kindle-scribd, 2019, debuts, 2feminism

Finally, a memoir telling us that being a 40 year-old childless, single woman might not be something that needs pitying. About time!

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Jul 13, 2018 Michelle rated it it was amazing

Shelves: reviewed, netgalley, ebooks

No One Tells You This-- is a debut memoir that highlights life of a unmarried single woman without the possibility of a socially expected life that includes a husband and family. Glynnis MacNicol is a full-time writer and co-founder of The List. Her award winning writing has been featured in numerous notable publications including the NYT, The Guardian and Forbes, she lives in NYC.

As a dutiful daughter and sister with too many friends to count, Glynnis led the extremely busy life of a profession No One Tells You This-- is a debut memoir that highlights life of a unmarried single woman without the possibility of a socially expected life that includes a husband and family. Glynnis MacNicol is a full-time writer and co-founder of The List. Her award winning writing has been featured in numerous notable publications including the NYT, The Guardian and Forbes, she lives in NYC.

As a dutiful daughter and sister with too many friends to count, Glynnis led the extremely busy life of a professional woman. Soon after her arrival to help her sister care for her niece and nephew following pregnancy and the birth of a new baby, she flew to Toronto to check on her parents.
It was readily determined that Glynnis mother would require long term nursing care. Fortunately in Canada, this kind of nursing care was available to citizens-- without the extremely complicated and costly process of dealing with the U.S. Medicare system and spend-down requirement. About a year later, Glynnis returned to Toronto to sell her parent’s home, and visit her mother at her nursing care facility. Glynnis father was initially involved in the care of his wife-- until he wasn’t. Curiously, there was no further mention of him in the book.

On a writing assignment, Glynnis flew to Iceland, where her extraordinary trip and writing abilities were showcased. In Iceland, the atmosphere shifted and bubbled constantly, fueled by geo-thermal volcanic energy. Independent farmers built and operated their own mini power stations, bread was left in covered pots marked with small flags and baked on the beach.
On a glacial river raft tour, their vessel “careened wildly” down the rapids. The Australian women placed in the back of the boat, were drenched numerous times, cried and begged to return. At the front of the boat, their tour guide held Glynnis ever so tight (knowing she was single) hoping to get her email address to stay in touch.

In NYC, where Glynnis had lived for years, she moved into a rare apartment vacancy upstairs from one of her best friends. The dating apps were fun to chat with a variety of guys. Glynnis never felt like the stereotypical woman her age: supposedly needy, desperate, seeking a committed relationship to have a baby. A past relationship with a man she referred to as “646” left her wary and hesitant to renter the dating pool. Extracting herself from what little comfort she had with 646 wasn’t easy as she hoped it would be.
When Glynnis decided to drive cross country with a friend to San Francisco, a small Wyoming working ranch they visited opened up another world for her: she and her friend loved the natural beauty of the trees, meadows, hiking trails and wildlife. Returning to the ranch a month later on a writing assignment, she quickly discovered fly fishing in a icy river nearby was not her thing.

It was during a cruise when Glynnis began to fully appreciate her single status. Weren’t single women sometimes viewed with suspicion, associated with metaphorical dangerous beings as witches, furies, sorceresses and harpies? The married women she interviewed weren’t suspicious of her at all, didn’t clutch their husband’s in her presence— in fact, several of the women envied her! The single life was just too good; the freedom she had to come and go wherever she pleased was truly exhilarating! **With thanks and appreciation to Simon & Schuster via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review. ...more

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May 19, 2018 Susan rated it it was amazing

Shelves: first-reads

As a single woman over 40 who has chosen not to marry or have children I can't tell you how excited I was to receive this book. It gets so tiresome when people are constantly making you feel less than complete because you lack a partner and a family. Like most of us Glynnis is still learning how to navigate through life, making mistakes and figuring it out along the way. I very much related to how everyone around Glynnis relies so deeply on her, after all she has the time and freedom to take car ...more

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Aug 31, 2018 Rebecca rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: feminist, read-via-netgalley, memoirs, cathartic, best-of-2018-runner-up, travel-books

Life begins at 40. Is there any truth to that old chestnut? That’s what Glynnis MacNicol set out to find when she turned 40. From Toronto, she’d lived in New York City for years and loved her life of writing, entrepreneurship, friends, meals, bars, laughter and annual rituals. What she didn’t have was a partner or a child, so in the eyes of many she knew she was a failure. It was a momentous year what with her mother’s Parkinson’s rapidly going downhill, her sister a newly single parent giving b ...more

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Jul 27, 2018 Jeanette added it

Shelves: abandoned

No rating. This book was not for me. A mother of 6 asked me to read this with a snicker. Wait until I see her next week!

When I have had repeated jaw surgeries (minor and very troublesome birth defect), my largest trouble has been my HUMONGOUS gag reflex. It wasn't tested half as much, not even after 4 decades of doing a "repeat" fix, as the beginning of this book. General anesthesia would have been welcome. Surgery and book. Both. It's probably worthwhile and gets better with context, Glynnis's ...more

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Sep 14, 2018 Sara Adams rated it it was ok

I expected to relate to the author as I'm also a child-free (abeit married) woman approaching 40. Instead, I found myself not trusting the author's credibility or self-awareness as she sees herself as an edgy, progressive New Yorker, yet repeatedly mentions wearing fur. No edgy, progressive, modern woman wears fur. PERIOD. ...more

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Oct 06, 2018 Sarah rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, memoir

4+ stars

Probably the most relatable memoir I've ever read. At the start of this book Glynnis MacNicol is turning 40, and is single, childless and happy. Not fitting the mould for the milestones women are expected to have reached by this age, as the blurb notes "there was no good blueprint for how to be a woman alone in the world" at this age (and in this day and age). No One Tells You This follows her creating that blueprint in the year after her fortieth birthday - which involves a trip to Icel 4+ stars

Probably the most relatable memoir I've ever read. At the start of this book Glynnis MacNicol is turning 40, and is single, childless and happy. Not fitting the mould for the milestones women are expected to have reached by this age, as the blurb notes "there was no good blueprint for how to be a woman alone in the world" at this age (and in this day and age). No One Tells You This follows her creating that blueprint in the year after her fortieth birthday - which involves a trip to Iceland, a road trip across America and a stay in a ranch in the back end of nowhere.

All of this is examined within the context of being a single woman whose friends are reaching these milestones, and how MacNicol fits in to all this: in terms of being a support for those friends, yet not having someone who you can turn to for support -- this is a very basic description of what Glynnis conveys much more eloquently:

"The problem was the encroaching sense that I had somehow stepped outside of ritual and was always going to be a guest star, forever celebrating the milestones of others without ever starring in my own. What cultural markers were there for women other than weddings and babies? How else do women make the progression of their lives? Would I forever be piggybacking on others? That was the depressing thought."

I'm not quite at this stage of life (just yet) but it is coming up fast, and I can already relate to her experiences wholeheartedly - having gone through my twenties single whilst most of my close friends were in long-term relationships. It's important to note that MacNicol describes this in a matter of fact way; not complaining but just acknowledging the reality of being a single woman in a world where women are still expected to tick of these milestones even if they're not sure they are exactly what they want to do.

"Was it always going to be like this? I wondered. This rollercoaster of doubt and elation? Was this the price and the reward for not committing to some larger, more established idea of life?"

I won't reveal more of what she discovers during this year of her life, but I think my review shows how much I enjoyed this unique look a womanhood in the 21st century. I can't wait to read more from her! ...more

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Jul 20, 2018 Ariel ✨ rated it really liked it

"No one told me about the joy!" - Glynnis MacNicol's explanation of what no one told her about being single and childless in her 40s on the Call Your Girlfriend Summer Books 2018 podcast episode. No one told her about the joy, freedom, or stability. I knew instantly I needed to read her book. I don't explicitly plan on being single in my 40s, but I will probably be childless, and if my present-day choices are any indication of my romantic future, I will shirk the institution of marriage for some "No one told me about the joy!" - Glynnis MacNicol's explanation of what no one told her about being single and childless in her 40s on the Call Your Girlfriend Summer Books 2018 podcast episode. No one told her about the joy, freedom, or stability. I knew instantly I needed to read her book. I don't explicitly plan on being single in my 40s, but I will probably be childless, and if my present-day choices are any indication of my romantic future, I will shirk the institution of marriage for something more open and less defined. MacNicol bemoaned that there were not many stories like hers made available for public consumption, and she's right. There are so few women like her I can think to look to for an indication of what my future might hold. I constantly thought about my women's studies graduate program advisors while reading; two unmarried women in a sea of wedding rings and hyphenated last names. Although I'm only 25, I'm from a tiny town in Oklahoma, and I currently live in Texas. Plenty of my friends have been in significant long-term relationships (many punctuated by extravagant parties and legal definitions), or are on their way down the aisle already. Even without marriage, not many of my friends are ever single for a period lasting longer than a month. Lesbians may not bring a u-haul to the second date, but they do bring it to the two-month anniversary. For many of my friends, they seem happy. Even the ones with earth-shattering heartbreaks every six or so months, they insist on letting Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Tumblr know that they're the happiest they've ever been with their newest partner several weeks later. The first of my circle of local lesbian friends just had their first baby, and plenty of others have made it clear that sperm donors and IVF procedures are not too far down the road. What I'm saying is, even though MacNicol is a straight woman in her early 40s, and I am a lesbian in my mid-twenties, I could relate to a lot of what she wrote. I wondered how much of what she described would be my life in the next 20 or so years. Would friends come over to my hip apartment and seethe with envy? Would they complain to me about their spouses and children one moment and try to explain how marriage and parenthood were indescribable blessings the next? Would a world of travel and financial freedom unfold before me, so much that I would feel overwhelmed by the possibility of it all? Would my hitched friends describe my lifestyle as "single lady fun time" in grouptexts about weekend brunch plans despite my potentially overwhelming responsibilities to my chosen family? Would my "chosen family" see their connection to me as expendable while I was looking upon it as one of the most meaningful connections in my life (speaking as an unmarried, childless woman and also as a woman who has had to cut ties with her abusive parents)? When MacNicol wrote, “The obligations of friendship are unwritten," after feeling guilty for wanting to ask a friend to accompany her to a funeral, it hit me in the stomach. I realize it may be silly to be already worrying about how my life might look in 15-20 years, but I'm not worrying exactly, just speculating. Marveling about the possibilities stretched out before me.

P.S.

I'm so glad MacNicol didn't make men a significant part of her story. Unlike similarly-marketed books (*cough*What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding*cough*), MacNicol didn't wait to write about her adventures until some man came into her life to show readers she had finally found meaning or a happily ever after. She didn't even make her dating life a central part of the text. I felt this made her story much easier to relate to for me, personally. She's the cool, independent, self-actualized aunt I hope to be someday. ...more

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Aug 21, 2018 Jana rated it it was amazing

Shelves: non-fiction, kindle, 2018

Five stars not enough. I loved every word of this book and I am evangelizing about it to anyone who will listen. It's not long, but I savored it over several days because I just didn't want it to end. The story of the author's 40th year weaves together her struggles to be a long-distance caregiver to her dying mother and maintain her relationships with her father and sister (while her sister has a baby in the midst of this), all while coming to terms with her happiness and independence as a sing ...more

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Mar 30, 2018 Corinna Fabre rated it it was amazing

I'm not even sure where to begin reviewing No One Tells You This. This book is breathtaking and poignant to the point of surreal. Glynnis leads by example: by taking readers through her trials, tribulations and moments of peace as partners in her journey, she imparts the kind of wisdom that can't be achieved by smacking you over the head with proselytization, but instead flows from a deep well of empathy and experience.

Her writing is expert and never crossing the line into glib or saccharine, wh ...more

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Aug 30, 2018 Amanda rated it it was ok

Good in places. Not what I was expecting from the reviews or the description. I was expecting a book that is like, hey, it's ok to be 40 and not want kids and not want to get married. This was more of a memoir of a woman who was like...is it ok to not want kids and not want to get married? Do I want kids and want to get married? So, it wasn't really what I personally was looking for. Also, not really knowing much of the author, I wasn't invested in her enough to hear about her every day goings o ...more

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Oct 28, 2019 Gretchen Rubin added it

In my own quirky way, this memoir also seems related to my five senses book. It's about many things, and of particular interest to me, the experience of living in New York City. ...more

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Aug 23, 2018 Tori rated it it was ok

I really like the idea of this book and its message -- that women can and should be free to make decisions based solely on their own wont and not on societal or familiar pressures -- but I found the protagonist's voice to be a bit insufferable. It felt very privileged (though the author does acknowledge this) and at times braggadocious. ...more

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Mar 07, 2018 Shereen Lee rated it liked it

An cool and eccentric story about nostalgia and aging. Would recommend a read if this is a genre you're already interested in, but since I'm not that emotionally invested in memoirs I just found this okay. ...more

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Feb 21, 2018 Kayo rated it it was ok

Why do I think Sex and the City 2.0 , minus the sex. Lol

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Dec 15, 2018 Leigh Kramer rated it it was amazing

Shelves: nonfiction, memoir, favorites

“It was a truth universally acknowledged that by age forty I was supposed to have a certain kind of life, one that, whatever else it might involve, included a partner and babies...If this story wasn’t going to end with a marriage or a child, what then?”

I’ve been trying to come up with the words to explain how much this book means to me. I’ve read some incredible nonfiction this year but this memoir about a woman creating her own blueprint for the single life was the book I *needed* to read. It w ...more

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Jul 27, 2019 Michelle rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: 4-stars-or-more, insightful-read, read-in-2019

The problem was the encroaching sense that I had somehow stepped outside of ritual and was always going to be a guest star, forever celebrating the milestones of others without ever starring in my own. What cultural markers were there for women other than weddings and babies? How else do women mark the progression of their lives?

Being single and childless at 40, the author takes stock of her life and explores the realizations she arrived at over the course of her fortieth year. I’m a ...more

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Aug 18, 2018 Catherine Andrews rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Certainly single women of a certain age should read this, but so should anybody who's ever felt the twinge of an outsider or wondered why their path isn't neatly lining up with everybody else's around them. MacNicol writes elegantly and cleverly of a life lived outside the lines, with no map to guide you forward, and both how terrifying and satisfying it can be, sometimes in the very same instance. ...more

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Jun 28, 2018 paige rated it liked it

The writing speeds along; it's a quick read with many head nodding moments, but by and large I found myself wondering what the book is even about. It seems like the chapters should dovetail chronologically, but I still found the timeline and characters hard to follow. I wonder if it would work better if it were developed into a work of fiction, or if it were presented as a collection of essays. ...more

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Aug 05, 2018 Caroline rated it it was amazing

5 stars

Finally, the kind of smart, feminist, nostalgic, narrative-driven memoir I was looking for! I thoroughly enjoyed this. I can't even remember what fortuitous podcast/article/random Twitter thread brought me to learn about this book, but I bought it a couple days after its publication, and I'm so glad to have had this perfect summer read when I did. Do you ever think about things that way--like, what if I hadn't heard about this book when I did, and never did end up learning about it becaus ...more

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Jul 09, 2018 Booksandchinooks (Laurie) rated it it was amazing

Thank you to Simon&Schuster Canada for a free copy of this book for an honest review. This is a very engaging memoir by the author as she comes to some revelations as to the direction her life is going. Glynnis is celebrating her 40th birthday, alone, as the book begins. She lives a very busy life in NYC but has never found ‘the one’ or had children. As she contemplates this she has to come to terms with whether her life, as it is, is enough or if she should be trying harder to find a partner or ...more

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May 15, 2018 Sarah rated it it was amazing

**I won this book in a Goodreads Giveaway, and there several spoilers in this review**

This is a very honest memoir that really gives you a glimpse of how complicated life gets as you grow older and how hard it is to know if you've made the right choices.

MacNicol describes with candor what it was like losing her mother slowly to degenerative disease, helping her sister with 3 kids including a newborn after the husband walked out (and thoroughly exemplifying how kids can be incredibly annoying an **I won this book in a Goodreads Giveaway, and there several spoilers in this review**

This is a very honest memoir that really gives you a glimpse of how complicated life gets as you grow older and how hard it is to know if you've made the right choices.

MacNicol describes with candor what it was like losing her mother slowly to degenerative disease, helping her sister with 3 kids including a newborn after the husband walked out (and thoroughly exemplifying how kids can be incredibly annoying and yet loved) as well as several terrible relationships full of red flags with bad men. This isn't a person who has decided against marriage and kids and is completely satisfied without, it's one who is constantly wishing she had it even though she likes her independence. I think she would jump right into it if she came across a decent guy who was in a similar place in life.

Chapter 19 onwards gets inspiring, starting with onslaught of married friends with children starting to open up to her about how much they wish they had her life, and how they are equally torn between loving their families and hating the lives they have. It just shows how no one is sure of their decisions and everyone thinks someone else has made the better decision. She also goes on a roadtrip trailing Laura Ingall's series (loved that callback to my childhood :') and then to Wyoming where she falls in love with the nature there and has a lot of good experiences.

I'm not sure I understood whether she plans to go back to there in the end, or if she will stay in Toronto (which she returns to as her mother gets worse). The following of her mothers progression is heart-breaking and reminds me of what happened with my grandmother. And it makes me pray I never have to go through it with my own mother.

Overall, this book is very sobering in its portrayal of life. But it's comforting in how it tells you whatever you are doing, you are probably not completely screwing up, and others out there are as envious of you for something as you are of them. And that any life you choose will be filled with good as well as bad.

Anyways, this book deserves 5 stars for how well it communicates life as it is and makes you feel so many emotions all at once. Recommend whether you are in anything close to her situation or not. ...more

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Jul 23, 2018 Smitha Murthy rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir, non-fiction, contemporary

What is it about July where I am reading books from authors I feel like having a long, extended conversation with? From Katie Heaney to Kyo Maclear and now Glynnis MacNicol, I feel like I have made three new friends. 'No One Tells You This' is not a typical memoir. It's not the typical 'I am dying of cancer and I suddenly find life so beautiful,' memoir that seems to be all the rage these days. Rather, it’s a book about one woman trying to lead an unconventional life and finding joy, meaning, gr What is it about July where I am reading books from authors I feel like having a long, extended conversation with? From Katie Heaney to Kyo Maclear and now Glynnis MacNicol, I feel like I have made three new friends. 'No One Tells You This' is not a typical memoir. It's not the typical 'I am dying of cancer and I suddenly find life so beautiful,' memoir that seems to be all the rage these days. Rather, it’s a book about one woman trying to lead an unconventional life and finding joy, meaning, grief, and all the vicissitudes of life in it.

‘To marry or not to marry.’ We spend much of our lives obsessed with this one question. We consider ourselves bereft if we are not married - not leading this ideal Instagrammed version of adoring spouse and adoring kids, where either you are slaving away at the corporate ladder to bring the big bucks home or you are the caring spouse who slaves away at home. Either way, this is the dream life you are fed - you don’t have this - you are somehow less complete. I know. I am there. Either people pity me or people envy me. The pity because they think I will die tragically alone (As if we all die in pairs. Death, as I know it, is the only master that doesn’t allow you to take anything with you), and I have no idea what it is to always have someone to lean on, and wake up to, and wash the dirty dishes with. They really have no idea about my life, do they? Or they think I am so free that I can travel the world, take off whenever I want to. “You have no obligations or responsibilities,” they sigh. Absolutely. Like being married is the only way to have responsibilities and love?

I have seen people pursue marriage with relentless fervor, convinced that this is the magic salvation that will grant them a lifetime of bliss. I have also seen those who scoff at such as those who pursue marriage. Neither of those extremes balance life out. And that’s what I love about Glynnis - she is not beating her chest here as a feminist. There is a lovely gentleness that addresses everything that life has to offer, irrespective of whether you have a significant other or not in your life. There is a lot of fun and humor in her approach to life, and a lot of wisdom as well that is not preachy, but just sinks in and catches you abruptly in a sentence that would otherwise remain hidden. A wonderful read.
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Mar 08, 2019 Sharondblk rated it did not like it

Shelves: audiobook

Things that annoyed me about this book:
1) Glynnis MacNicol is so self centred she thinks she's the only unmarried, childless woman over 40 in the history of history. She keeps on saying "there is no road map". She doesn't seem to realise she is part of a long tradition, and certainly isn't interested in exploring it.
2) Glynnis MacNicol appears to think that, when someone gets married, they get given a map for the rest of their lives.
3) Everyone she meets loves her, and wants her to tell them ab ...more

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Nov 08, 2018 Raina rated it did not like it

Shelves: gave-up

Within the first 50 pages of this book, MacNicol complains about being a late-30's year old woman who has "made it" as a writer, earning a 6-figure income, and having too many friends. Like MacNicol, I, myself, am a 38 year old writer; however, I have NOT made it, am barely scraping by financially, and have suffered serious depressions because I feel alone. Frankly, after reading the beginning of this book, I loathed MacNicol and could not bare to continue reading. Really, I just wanted to punch ...more

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Sep 05, 2018 Julie rated it it was amazing

Shelves: adult-fiction-non-fiction, books-written-just-for-me

I have a big fat friend crush on Glynnis MacNicol and i hope that she keeps writing more books like this. We need them!!

Once in a blue moon, a book comes along that feels as though it was written just for me. This is definitely one of those books. It won't be for everyone, but i know some very special women, marching to the beat of their own drum, that it will resonate with 100%
...more

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“Every woman I knew seemed to think she was failing in some way, had been raised to believe she was lacking, and was certain someone else was doing it better. Had been told never to trust her own instincts. Taught to think of life as a solution when "done right", when in reality we existed in a kaleidoscope made of shades of gray, able to be very happy and very sad all at the same time.” — 8 likes

“This is why people have babies...because it's exhausting not to know what you're supposed to do next. A baby is basically a nonnegotiable map for the next two decades.” — 6 likes

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