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Playing and Reality

D.W. Winnicott,

F. Robert Rodman (Foreword by)

4.24 · Rating details · 1,938 ratings · 56 reviews

What are the origins of creativity and how can we develop it - whether within ourselves or in others? Not only does Playing and Reality address these questions, it also tackles many more that surround the fundamental issue of the individual self and its relationship with the outside world. In this landmark book of twentieth-century psychology, Winnicott shows the reader ho ...more

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Paperback, 214 pages

Published August 1st 2005 by Routledge (first published 1971)

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Sep 03, 2007 Geoffrey Rhodes is currently reading it

Fantastic. You really only need to read the first third of this book to get it, but for me, the basic ideas he is putting forward here are really life changing. He is proposing a fundamental addition to the nature of our perception of reality (inside, outside, and playspace between), that I think is particularly fascintating for the artist, the compulsive, and the romantic.

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Sep 20, 2018 Liz* Fashionably Late rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: author-we-should-be-friends, read-2018, authors-requesting-reviews, non-fiction, psychology

"It is only in being creative that the individual discovers the self." ...more

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Jun 26, 2020 Marco rated it it was ok

Shelves: psychology

"The writing is clear and unfussy, blessedly free of psychobabble", said no one ever about this book.

Winnicott is a big name in psychoanalysis-oriented child psychology, together with Melanie Klein and John Bowlby. What they all have in common is the taking for granted that the relationship between the mother and the infant is what accounts for everything that goes wrong with the child, psychologically speaking. As far as I can tell, their works are marked by a near total disregard for genetics "The writing is clear and unfussy, blessedly free of psychobabble", said no one ever about this book.

Winnicott is a big name in psychoanalysis-oriented child psychology, together with Melanie Klein and John Bowlby. What they all have in common is the taking for granted that the relationship between the mother and the infant is what accounts for everything that goes wrong with the child, psychologically speaking. As far as I can tell, their works are marked by a near total disregard for genetics and outside-the-home social factors, or how the way a parent treats their child is also a reflection of how the child (even when a baby) “treats” the parent. No. In their books, it all boils down to the shortcomings of a not good-enough mother. If you want to read a great critique of this way of reasoning, I recommend The Nurture Assumption: Why Children Turn Out the Way They Do.

Another point of divergence I have with the Freudians is their notion that you have to let your patient hate you, that simply talking about it won’t do. You have to survive their hatred, the theory goes, so that the patients see firsthand that they can express their ugly feelings and the world isn’t destroyed by it, nor is your relationship with them. As infants they repressed their bad feelings toward their parents lest they be abandoned or, worse, lest their bad feelings kill their parents. Here’s the rationale, on page 126:

“This sequence can be observed: (1) Subject relates to object. (2) Object is in process of being found instead of placed by the subject in the world. (3) Subject destroys object. (4) Object survives destruction. (5) Subject can use object. The object is always being destroyed. This destruction becomes the unconscious backcloth for love of a real object; that is, an object outside the area of the subject’s omnipotent control. Study of this problem involves a statement of the positive value of destructiveness. The destructiveness, plus the object’s survival of the destruction, places the object outside the area of objects set up by the subject’s projective mental mechanisms. In this way a world of shared reality is created which the subject can use and which can feed back other-than-me substance into the object.”

(Just a note on style: this is Winnicott when he is writing at his clearest. End of note.)

I think the notion that living a difficult experience with a therapist - who is hopefully more mature than the people the patient grew up with - is healing is nearly a given in this day and age. I just believe it’s more likely to work if I explain to him what we’re doing, i.e., talking about difficult feelings to bring them to light. Just by being there acceptingly and not freaking out I think the message that it is ok to feel that way is readily transmitted. Attempting to conceal my strategies hoping that the patient will continue to see me while they hate my guts would surely guarantee only people with strong attachment issues would continue as patients, and I do intend to keep as patients also those more functional individuals. Winnicott, on the other hand, laments the one situation when he had to let the cat out of the bag because he wouldn’t be seeing this teenager again – but don’t be alarmed, he tells us, for she was mature beyond her years and managed to improve from the cognitive understanding of it alone. One would think this situation would make him consider changing strategies, at least in some cases. But no, he’s a Freudian all right. At a certain point he actually non-ironically recommends you make sure your patient ISN’T CARRYING A GUN while you provoke him to his limit. I had to laugh.

Another common reaction I have when reading transcripts of psychoanalysis sessions is that of, well, cringe. I feel as if I’m watching teenagers play D&D or cosplaying. They seem not to mind blatantly role playing. There’s even the reciting of classical poems sometimes, whose reference and symbolism our scholarly therapist never misses. I really don’t have the stomach for that, but I’m sure many people do.

On page 119 Winnicott writes:

“I am now ready to go straight to the statement of my thesis. It seems I am afraid to get there, as if I fear that once the thesis is stated the purpose of my communication is at an end, because it is so very simple”.

I’m really the opposite I think. I like talking to my patients the way normal people talk. I’m with Irvin Yalom when he says in The Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients: “Blank slate? Forget it! Be real.”

I also have reservations when I read analysts saying they treated a patient for 3, 5 or 10 years and the treatment was a success. Add to that that in this case we are often talking about 3 to 12-year-olds. Are you sure they didn’t simply grow up?

The main theme of the book (and the most famous of Winnicott’s contribution to psychotherapy as far as I’m aware) is his theory of transitional objects. He postulated that children don’t go from momma to other people. They go from momma to objects (a toy or whatever) and then from toy to other people, and the process of being able to move to the representation of momma in objects is an accomplishment in itself and many children have difficulty with.

I think I needn't say reading this was a chore. It had its pages of relief (15%?) but the rest was a jargon-fest. On the bright side, I’m happy I won't be lost from now on when people mention Winnicott to me. ...more

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May 05, 2010 FiveBooks added it

Shelves: fivebooks-on-child-psychotherapy

Psychotherapist Dr Judith Edwards has chosen to discuss Playing and Reality by Donald Winnicott on FiveBooks as one of the top five on her subject - Child Psychotherapy, saying that:

"...Winnicott was the people’s psychoanalyst, seeing mother and child as developing together within their relationship. Winnicott’s Playing and Reality, not published till after his death, is a fine and illuminating collection of his major thinking, important not only because of the work with children (just pick any ...more

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Jul 11, 2008 Carlos rated it it was amazing

This is another fave of mine. I could never give a good description of what this book is about cause my understanding it is always changing (and lacking at times).

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Feb 23, 2009 Leah rated it it was amazing

Wonderful way of answering Freudian theories of creativity...engaging essays on their own and also great for the lit. classroom...

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Mar 28, 2013 Sarah rated it it was amazing

Shelves: nonfiction, essential-reading, 2013

There were parts of this that resonated with me. There were parts that felt a bit false, or strange. But that's alright. Psychology isn't, and shouldn't be, clockwork. It's nebulous; it's imaginative. Winnicott understood that.

Because the ideas were presented in all their malleability, they weren't ever threatening to me. I remain free to form my own ideas, so I can fully appreciate his.

Some favorite quotes:

"The thing about playing is always the precariousness of the interplay of personal psychi ...more

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Mar 29, 2014 Marty Babits rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: psychotherapy

This is one of the most important books on the subject of psychotherapy I've read. Winnicott is a poet. He writes in images and often with a lot of jargon that is thick and hard-going. However, when he makes a discovery, and he makes quite a few, it's like he's journeyed to the center of the Earth and come back to reveal what the foundation beneath the foundation of reality is all about. As a therapist who has been practicing over twenty-five years, he is probably my greatest inspiration. His pe ...more

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Jan 08, 2008 Lily rated it it was amazing

Recommends it for: parents. Definitely.

Recommended to Lily by: Prof at Hampshire

Shelves: have-read-and-loved

One of the best books of ALL TIME. This mean is an endearing genius about humans. Wish i could hug him!

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Mar 14, 2017 Matthew Kozak rated it it was amazing

Skimmed and picked around more than read (...read more heavily in some parts than others, is the fairest to say).

But considered a milestone work in children's (...and really people in general) psychology by one of my favorite psychologists: Mr. D.W. Winnicott.

He - along with Carl Rogers, Aaron Beck, and Carl Jung - have had as much of an influence on my own psychological predilections, philosophy, and musings as anyone.

While this book is about many aspects of development (primarily on the import ...more

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Nov 07, 2020 Chirashree rated it really liked it

Chapters read:

Chapter 1: Transitional Objects and Transitional Phenomena

Chapter 3: Playing: A theoretical statement

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Sep 04, 2019 Liam rated it liked it

Shelves: on-psychiatry

GoodReads reviewers, I am disappointed in you. Are none of you going to question this book?

"There is nothing new either inside or outside psychoanalysis in the idea that men and women have a 'predisposition towards bisexuality'." (p.72)

-Who even believes this?

"Incalculable is the envy of the white bottle-fed population of the black people who are mostly, I believe, breast-fed" (p.142)

-racial hatred in the USA is more based on mothering than skin colour? How does he know more black mothers bre ...more

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Nov 30, 2013 Ruby Ann rated it really liked it

Shelves: play-therapy

A major theme in this book is how we experience the field that exists between outer (objective) reality and our inner (subjective) understanding. Winnicott terms this the "intermediate area of experiencing". Transitional phenomenon, an infant's choosing of an object or action that soothes, is the way an infant explores this area, and becomes increasingly comfortable losing his/her sense of omnipotence. During this stage, Winnicott also stresses the importance of "a good enough mother", that is a A major theme in this book is how we experience the field that exists between outer (objective) reality and our inner (subjective) understanding. Winnicott terms this the "intermediate area of experiencing". Transitional phenomenon, an infant's choosing of an object or action that soothes, is the way an infant explores this area, and becomes increasingly comfortable losing his/her sense of omnipotence. During this stage, Winnicott also stresses the importance of "a good enough mother", that is a care-taker who is sufficiently attuned to the infant's changing needs. "A good enough mother" supplies the "environmental function" that is imperative to the infant's successful (non-traumatizing) transition to understanding his/her existence as a separate individual. This environmental function includes 1. holding, 2. handling and 3. object-presenting, and most importantly, a "good enough mother" is able to time these action in attunement with the infant's needs. Winnicott also supplies case examples of adult from his therapy practice who suffer from the feelings of dissociation, "un-realness" that is a result of trauma during the transitional period.

For me, this was an interesting read, though I'm afraid that a lot of it went over my head. He cites Freud and Klein a lot, and since I'm not fully versed in their writing, it made it difficult for me to follow Winnicott's thinking. Some chapters, especially the ones that described his sessions with patients, were practically unintelligible to me. There's also some stuff in here about gender and sexual orientation that seems to reflect societal norms for the time when Winnicott was writing, and while I'm hesitant to throw the baby out with the bath water (especially since, as I said before, I'm not sure I'm fully understanding what he's saying here), these passages are a bit troubling. (Ie: there's something about trauma in childhood leading to the development of homosexuality that appears near the beginning of the book. My first instinct was to throw the book out, but I kept reading, and I do think most of what's in this book is valuable.)

...more

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Oct 19, 2014 Roslyn rated it did not like it

This book explains what mom's do wrong to cause their kids to end up disordered--I mean--gay and transgendered. It was written in the 70's. So... it was hard for me to take any of it very seriously and I am very confused why the average rating on this book is above 4 stars. And let's say that I entertained the idea that maybe being gay is a disorder caused by bad mothering--even then, this book... is simply not well-written. And for the few interesting theories it proposes, it's 90% subjectivist This book explains what mom's do wrong to cause their kids to end up disordered--I mean--gay and transgendered. It was written in the 70's. So... it was hard for me to take any of it very seriously and I am very confused why the average rating on this book is above 4 stars. And let's say that I entertained the idea that maybe being gay is a disorder caused by bad mothering--even then, this book... is simply not well-written. And for the few interesting theories it proposes, it's 90% subjectivist nonsense. The guy tries hard to explain things that Ayn Rand explains a million times better in Into to Objectivist Epistemology. Because Subjective reality is silly and people who try to explain it sound like a mess. When compared with the clarity and non-contradiction of an objective reality that we perceive or fail to perceive.

This book would be more interesting and useful to people who want to study schizo people, not for people who want to understand what is normal. AGAIN, IF YOU ARE A MOM WANTING TO RAISE A HEALTHY KID THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR YOU.

If I were a psychoanalyst who took Freud seriously and worked with schizo people, perhaps I would see the value in this book. Or maybe this book is poorly written crap that most people can't understand and therefore give it a high rating?

His view of how babies see the world does not agree with what I know about child development. Note sure if his ideas are old or just subjectivist.

His view of how ideal parents should treat their teenagers I also cannot agree with. Again, not sure if the problem is that his ideas are outdated or subjectivist.

The few things I found interesting:
-Patience is a form of fantasying, it is a dead end.
-Play is a basic form of living, crucial to a happy life (I hope this was a revolutionary idea at the time because this was not a revolutionary idea to me!)
-Playing only takes place when one is intrinsically motivated (I am not sure this is actually accurate but interesting to think about)
-Playing is the only thing that makes life worth living

It was kind-of interesting to read how a subjectivist sees human psychology. But mostly I just felt bad for him/them. ...more

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Aug 04, 2019 Lee Kofman rated it liked it

I didn’t get much out of this read, mostly because the book is more focused on therapy than I initially assumed it'd be when I decided to read it. Because it’s been referenced by several creative thinkers, I wanted to read the book, thinking it’d have a thorough philosophical discussion of Winnicott’s fascinating ideas around this liminal space that he argues humans need to occasionally inhabit to maintain their mental health – a space that is somewhere between being utterly self-centred and the ...more

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Jan 16, 2008 Laura rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I love this book, especially "The Use of an Object" and "The Location of Cultural Experience." So good. ...more

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Aug 28, 2014 David rated it it was amazing

Fascinating juxtapostion of our consciousness and how we develop

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Jun 08, 2016 James added it

"...cultural experiences are in direct continuity with play, the play of those who have not yet heard of games." ...more

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Jan 25, 2018 Justin added it

While you can probably get parenting advice out of this, it doesn't appear to be have written with this purpose making it rather difficult to do so ...more

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Aug 29, 2017 Fromwordstoworlds rated it really liked it

Donald Woods Winnicott was one of the most influential personalities in the British psychoanalytical field, developing several theories that are still referred to even today. He died in 1971 after a 50-year long career as a paediatrician and psychoanalyst and after having treated more than 20.000 children.

Playing and Reality was his last book; it is a collection of essays, very readable, not too academic, that offer an overview of his theories regarding human development and behavior. The focus Donald Woods Winnicott was one of the most influential personalities in the British psychoanalytical field, developing several theories that are still referred to even today. He died in 1971 after a 50-year long career as a paediatrician and psychoanalyst and after having treated more than 20.000 children.

Playing and Reality was his last book; it is a collection of essays, very readable, not too academic, that offer an overview of his theories regarding human development and behavior. The focus is on the child-mother relationship, the latter being seen as a facilitator between the child and the world. Winnicott developed the concept of transitional objects (a favourite blanket, a toy, mother’s breast), objects that babies use for psychological comfort and that are symbolically seen as tools to prepare the transition to the outside world, of experiencing.

"When symbolism is employed the infant is already clearly distinguishing between fantasy and fact, between inner objects and external objects, between primary creativity and perception. But the term transitional object, according to my suggestion, gives room for the process of becoming able to accept difference and similarity. I think there is use for a term for the root of symbolism in time, a term that describes the infant’s journey from the purely subjective to objectivity; and it seems to me that the transitional object (piece of blanket, etc) is what we see of this journey of progress towards experiencing."

The mother is the most important person in a baby’s life; it is her that assists the transition from the intrapersonal reality to the external world; but, as Winnicott suggests success is ensured only when the mother adapts herself and becomes devoted to the needs of the baby. Successful parenting means guiding a child and not dictating decisions.

"Success in infant care depends on the fact of devotion, not on cleverness or intellectual enlightenment."

Once connected to the external world, a child needs to be given time to discover and experience it. And the best way to do it is through play. All children need to play to be able to later function in the world. The first playground is the space between the baby and the mother and playing should confer confidence and joy.

See full review on blog:
https://fromwordstoworlds.wordpress.c... ...more

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May 26, 2020 ᔡᕱᖇᕱᗁ rated it really liked it

An important work from the psychoanalytical school of object relations, beginning with the oft-cited essay on the transitional object.

Winnicott’s “true self” plays a central role in this work, yet remains relatively undefined. Winnicott seems to advocate socially recognized creativity as constituting the true self, similar to what Freud recommends in sublimative practice, but the interpersonal relation that Winnicott stresses here as fundamental seems to belie the insistence on the possibility o ...more

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Nov 28, 2018 Micah rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: psychoanalysis

"The searching can come only from desultory formless functioning, or perhaps from rudimentary playing, as if in a neutral zone. . . . This if reflected back, but only if reflected back, becomes part of the organized individual personality, and eventually this in summation makes the individual to be, to be found."

A series of excursions building on the idea of the transitional area, between being and doing, female and male, subject and object, projection and perception, unity and separation. The p ...more

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Aug 19, 2020 Sylvie rated it it was ok

I read most of this in a workshop on attachment. It was very helpful having a group with whom to process this text as Winnicott's writing is quite obtuse. He seems to be sharing about 30% of what he's thinking about and the reader has to infer the rest. Some interesting ideas about how attachment works. ...more

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Jun 20, 2017 Mawr rated it really liked it

An excellent book for getting an idea of such concepts as transitional objects, transitional phenomena (and how they lead to the development of a cultural sense), and the importance of the environment in the therapeutic setting.

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Jul 30, 2019 Crispin Semmens rated it it was amazing

Shelves: favorites

Psychoanalytic take on subject/object metaphysics - wedging open the razor divide between subject and object, me and not-me, into a wide, paradoxical, territory of infinite games spanning birth to death and all in between.

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Jul 06, 2020 Sezen Camkiran rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Winnicott has such a natural oversight of the human psyche and states of being. A remarkable vision he has indeed. In addition, he’s very graceful in discussing his ideas. Reading his words was a joyful learning for my doors of perception.

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Apr 29, 2018 Dakota Ashley Limón rated it it was amazing

Shelves: ttu-library-reads, history-sociology, psychology, science, thesis, favorite-books

Phenomenal.

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Jan 05, 2019 Rosana Sigler rated it it was amazing

In this book, Winnicott developed many ideas about the transitional experiences.

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Jan 25, 2020 Ana Dionísio rated it it was amazing

Winnicott is a great phicanalist and this book is a masterpiece. He brings the importance of playing during the childhood and how it reflects upon the whole life.

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Jan 28, 2020 YZ rated it really liked it

Some very interesting and useful concepts and theories. A bit repetitive but the reiterations helped with absorbing the knowledge presented which i thought was relatively technical.

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About D.W. Winnicott

D.W. Winnicott

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Donald Woods Winnicott was an English pediatrician, psychiatrist, sociologist and psychoanalyst.

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Quotes from Playing and Reality

“It is in playing and only in playing that the individual child or adult is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in being creative that the individual discovers the self.” — 47 likes

“The child is alone only in the presence of someone.” — 13 likes

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