The Language of Letting Go

by Melody Beattie

Concentrating on self-esteem and acceptance, this book offers meditations for men and women recovering from codependency and aids them in their attempt to gain control of their lives

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Spirituality, Relationships, Mental Health, Personal Growth

393 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1990

About the author

Melody Beattie was an American self-help author best known for her groundbreaking work on codependency. Born in 1948 in Minnesota, she endured a traumatic childhood marked by abuse and early substance addiction. After achieving sobriety, she became a licensed addiction counselor and began writing to help others navigate emotional recovery. Her 1986 book Codependent No More became a bestseller, selling eight million copies and helping to bring the concept of codependency into mainstream awareness. Over her career, she authored 18 books, including Beyond Codependency, The Language of Letting Go, and Make Miracles in Forty Days. Though her work is often associated with Co-Dependents Anonymous, her books were independent of the program.
Beattie’s personal life reflected many of the struggles she addressed in her work, including four marriages and the loss of a son. Her writing often drew from her own experiences with grief, addiction, and healing. In early 2025, she was forced to evacuate her Malibu home due to wildfires and died shortly after at her daughter’s home in Los Angeles from heart failure.

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Are you a sucker in relationships? Do you say YES when you mean HELL NO? Do you give in too quickly, make concessions, or end up passive-agressively sucker punching someone psychologically because you're afraid if you tell the truth, stick up for yourself, or express your needs you won't have any friends or lovers?

Read this book.

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading date: Ongoing.

I'm not much of a self-help type of person... but this one is an exception. This book is a journal, if you will, of daily thoughts. Schedule 15 minutes each morning to read a selection and write some notes about how it may affect your world and your life. You'll be surprised at the insights you have and the changes you can make in Your World.

[Hannah Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book that propelled me out of a depression many years ago. A special friend encouraged me to write a response to each of the daily meditations, and I learned a lot about myself by the end of the first year, most importantly how to protect love from helplessness. I have been blessed with four copies of this book. And each one eventually journeys into the hands of someone, who like me, struggles to let go. Each time I stumble upon another copy of this book, I take it as a sign that it should be revisited. It's a beautiful cycle that prevents me from ever trying to lasso anything beyond my control. And each of the hands I have put this book into are hands that I still hold.

[Semjon · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is wrong to put this book in the bookshelf "read", because it's permanent currently-reading book for me. It was recommended to me in a self-help group for depression and since then I try to read the daily meditation as often as I can. It gives me a lot of courage, self-confidence and inspiration for the daily struggle. Highly recommended.

[Julietta · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is definitely a must read for everybody. In life we all experience set backs, trauma, or the unexpected and this book is a guide to help cope through these encounters.

[Janie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first met Melody Beattie at about the time that I became acquainted with John Bradshaw and all of the others who had it figured out when it comes to forgiveness and acceptance. I carried a ratty copy of "The Language of Letting Go" with me everywhere I went for many years before I passed it on to a dear friend.

What I learned? Hmmm...to let go and let God run things. The whole thing about me having any control over the big picture was just something that I held onto for way too long. I particularly like the gerbil story :) Sounds just like me in another life.

[Nikki Nielsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has a thought, a meditation, for every day of the year. It is an excellent 12 step resource, a resourceful tool for those finding themselves 'stuck' in codependent relationships, and for everyone else it is a simple reminder that problems are made to be solved. I have been reading this every day for two years and I am a happier healthier person because of it.

It's okay to detach. It's okay to be healthy and whole when a family member or friend isn't. It's okay to be gentle with yourself. Look around. Realize that you are working so hard to force the outcome of everything around you, to control your life, that you are working against yourself. It's okay to let things happen. Own your power - when you are handed drama that doesn't need to belong to you, hand it back!

I can't say enough about this book. Don't go to therapy. Buy this book! I promise it will help you realize the unhealthy habits you have grown up with and it will teach you how to change them. In fact, I guarantee that you will be a happier person if you will read it and even better, you will get the tools you need to stay that way for the rest of your life :)

[Jennifer Holder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Given to me by my future mother-in-law, I have found so much solace in this book. Suffering from anxiety and panic disorder, I find this book often can provide my relief in these times, in some crazy way. It's been a blessing with every passage. Not every passage applies to me, but I always take a lesson from each day's motivation.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was given to me during a very difficult time in my life. My copy is tagged with countless page markers and is worn from reading it again and again. The book has had such a huge impact on me that I have since bought it for at least a dozen people in the past few years. Melody Beattie offers advice in a non-judgmental, non-preachy voice that resonates with true understanding. Short daily passages focus on a different topic each day, such as Acceptance, Denial, Boundaries, Accepting Our Best, Temporary Setbacks. Melody Beattie offers encouragement and hope while being honest and realistic about the challenges we face during difficult times.

[Laura · Rating 2 out of 5]

A book of daily meditations surrounding codependancy issues and how to overcome them. There are good ideas contained in this book and does make a great resource for codependancy recovery... however, my one major critque is the authors use of her own relgious beliefs scattered throughout. Written from a very Christian persepctive which might make the material difficult to relate to for some readers.

[Lou Caltabiano · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, there were some incredibly powerful and helpful sections, passages, examples, and stories, and throughout the reading it did help me feel better.

However, the author spends a lot of time talking about god, which does not appeal to me, and so I skipped over many of these sections.

There are also many dated references and examples, which cannot be helped, but I would be very interested in an updated, non-religious version.

Overall I found this book very helpful for a peaceful mind, albeit with some flaws.

[Amy Bauer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is my God book, it never fails that the message is exactly what I need. I read it every day, try to do a little journaling about each meditation, and think on it while I water my plants and talk to and open my mind to listen to God. I first started reading this book in 1997, and find it to be just as helpful today as the first day I opened it. It is a great book for anyone, not just people in recovery.

[Gary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyday there's a new entry. This book of daily affirmations, which I've been reading every morning for many years, often offers me the right thing I need to consider at the right time. Over the years, some of the ideas have sunk in, helping make my life more manageable.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I faithfully read this book everyday...it was given to me in early sobreity and it my daily handbook for life!

[Mark Terry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book to have by ones bedside, often will give one pause to relook at things in different ways.

[Terry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful! I continue reading it and I always find something new regardless of the times I’ve read it.

[Dawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

12/31/22 Reading everyday for the 2nd year in a row once again had a tremendous impact!

12/31/21. Reading these meditations each day has been super impactful this past year. I think I am going to read through it again in 2022!

Update 1/10/21. I am so thankful that this year I am reading the daily meditation on the day assigned. In the past, I have always skipped around according to topic, reading only when I felt the need. I am really benefiting from daily doses of Melody Beattie.

9/11/17. I can't say enough positive things about this little book. The daily writings are just enough to get my mind back on track regarding all of those ingrained codependent tendencies. Highly recommended!

[Linda DiMeo Lowman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book for myself in 1999. I have read those daily meditations for many years and still will pick it up if I'm having a problem and find a related subject in the index and read that day's meditation. Before I began reading this book, I didn't know what a personal boundary was. What a relief it was to be able to say, "No" with no explanation and not feel guilty. We can't choose our families, but when we become adults, we can choose who we want to be and how we want to navigate in the world. This book helped me do that.

I read a meditation in this book almost every day. I have read the book many times over. It's a staple in my spiritual life.

[Marianne Mullen · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I will never be "done" reading this book, I know that it is part of my daily spiritual practice to read. The book focuses on recovery and that can be so broad or specific depending on your individual needs. I really appreciate the mediations and find they go straight to me. Definitely a great book if you need to have some grounding. Self help on steroids!

[Heather Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful to me in that this book provided for me expression that previously was not able to put together for myself. Reinforced for me some of the behaviours that I am incorporating into my life and reminded me of those to leave behind.

I am grateful for this resource.

[Gwen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great daily meditations for those who have struggled with codependency. I appreciate that Higher Power is often used in addition to God, however, I think this book will be most useful for those who are religious.

[Ann Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

One to read and re-read and buy for your bookshelf!

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Has been a daily read for years! Given to me by a friend...have scooped up editions when I see them at thrift stores or yard sales and give them away...great book! Love it!

[Mehak · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredibly well-written collection of daily inspiration and wisdom to help you navigate life and relationships in a healthier, functional way. I think most of us grapple with co-dependency to some extent or the other, without even knowing it. This book will shine a light on that and help you understand yourself and your blocks better so that you can live more fully, be emotionally healthy, and have a balanced mindset. I made this book part of my morning routine, reading a couple of pages each day. You can even reread it to keep reminding yourself of the lessons it imparts.

[Abbey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Given to me by my mother when I went to college, just reading it all the way through now. I like the concept of daily devotions. I bookmarked a good number of passages to refer to in the future, there's a lot of good stuff here. Maybe I'm just not in the place to accept everything it has to say. I am a bit cynical of the concept of "everything is as it should be". What if it isn't? What if bad things are just bad and there isn't always a lesson in it? Maybe that's a subconscious choice I'm making. I don't know. Regardless, this was nice.

[Mel Salcedo · Rating 5 out of 5]

As another reviewer stated, I will never be “done” with this book, just will restart and continue to take new insights. As I begin to re read it is interesting how some things resonate the same and others in a new way. Highly recommend this book for anyone in recovery of any sort, as well as for those who aren’t :) It’s a fantastic daily meditation .

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will probably always refer to this book. Some pages are just what life is supposed to be about. In my opinion. Melody has helped me in so many ways and I can’t recommend her work enough to those of us who struggle to love and trust ourselves.

[lesbianatasha]

im gonna be honest im only adding this to my want to read bc i read somewhere that hayley williams rec’d it

[Jordan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rarely do I complete any “one year” reading plans, but I genuinely looked forward to this reading every day. So, so good.

[Meg Garner · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very helpful and hard hitting but sometimes the daily lessons for very repetitive