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A World Without Color: A True Story Of the Last Three Days With My Cat

Bernard Jan (Goodreads Author)

4.49 · Rating details · 76 ratings · 56 reviews

One story. Two endings. Genuine and fictional. Which ending is yours?

What do you say to someone who is dying? And what do you say when that someone can't understand a word you are saying? How do you comfort each other throughout... and beyond?

My love, if you go away in a few days, the world will lose its colors and darken like the land of Mordor. If you go away a

...more

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Kindle Edition, 107 pages

Published July 1st 2017 by Bernard Jan

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Start your review of A World Without Color: A True Story Of the Last Three Days With My Cat

Jul 09, 2017 Mischenko rated it really liked it

See my Q&A with Bernard Jan @ readrantrockandroll.com

A World Without Color: A True Story of the Last Three Days with my Cat is a short memoir about one family’s experience of losing a beloved pet, a cat named Marcel. Bernard Jan lays out his experience with Marcel’s last 3 days of life as the emotions pour out of him on screen.

I found this book on Goodreads this morning after reading one of Bernard Jan’s blog posts and it sounded like a must read. As a person who has many pets, I sometimes think ...more

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Jul 19, 2017 Starjustin rated it it was amazing

When I started reading A World Without Color, from the very first few sentences I knew what it would be like and I was very emotional from beginning to end. Bernard Jan put into this short novella, a lifetime spent with his beloved Marcel and describes how the very last days of Marcel's life were prior to his passing at fourteen plus years old. I am a cat owner and found myself identifying with the authors feelings and grieving process. I am not sure why more have not taken the time to experienc ...more

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Aug 06, 2017 Elyse Walters rated it it was amazing

A special thanks to Mischenko and Starjustin. After reading both their deeply moving reviews- I wanted to purchase this book for our younger daughter who has two cats.

Paul and I have put two cats down ourselves over the past 40 years. The pain - sadness - and grief lingered for a long time.

In this short story we are witness to a beautiful love story between a cat and his owner and the family they are a part of.
Gut wrenching loss when death comes.

Rest In Peace Marcel ....
Always - always - so ...more

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Dec 17, 2018 James rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 1-non-fiction, 9-read-2018-12-december, 2-nfic-biography, 7-arc-giveaway-won, 8-authors-i-know

When you lose a cherished pet, sometimes the loss is so inexplicable, all you can do is cry. When I had to let go of my ten-year-old shiba inu just about a year ago, it was a painful 2-week process. It is nearly impossible to put into words for most people how you go about making the decision to end an animal's pain, begin your own, and suffer the consequences. Not impossible tho, as proven by Bernard Jan in the second book of his I've read this year. Jan lost his beloved cat, Marcel, and shares When you lose a cherished pet, sometimes the loss is so inexplicable, all you can do is cry. When I had to let go of my ten-year-old shiba inu just about a year ago, it was a painful 2-week process. It is nearly impossible to put into words for most people how you go about making the decision to end an animal's pain, begin your own, and suffer the consequences. Not impossible tho, as proven by Bernard Jan in the second book of his I've read this year. Jan lost his beloved cat, Marcel, and shares the emotional turmoil he encountered throughout the process.

This book is ~100 pages covering the three days when Jan and his family know they have to say goodbye. His words and imagery are stellar... honestly... he captures all those emotions pet-parents go through trying to rationalize our decisions, understand the whys, convince ourselves we will be okay, and determine how or if we can lean on anyone around us. By showcasing Marcel's movements and struggles, we see the pain Jan's family has gone through. It is visceral and constant. It is harsh and definitive. It is widespread and menacing.

I had to put the book down several times as it brought me to tears thinking of my own pet loss this year. Jan is brave. He shares everything from the moment he adopted the cat to the treasures of their ~15 year life together. As a younger guy suffering through this, he's developing all his emotions and reactions to something he's truly not ready to handle. I say this not because Jan's not strong enough (he is), but because this is one of his earliest life experiences dealing with death. It is never easy. But to write about it and share those feelings, notions, worries, and sighs of relief when it's all over (even tho it really isn't) is remarkable.

Translated into English, the creators of this version are masterful in their descriptions. The comparisons... similes... references... moments... all bring readers to experience as closely as possible what the author experienced. If you've never gone thru it, it's probably not fully apparent. Human loss is different... agreeably more harsh in most circumstances, but when your pet cannot talk to tell you what kind of pain they have, you are the sole person responsible for deciding how to help them.

I felt the intensity from Jan's writing, and I recommend this for anyone who has a pet and/or is coping with [or the potential] loss. It might not be a good idea to read it as you're going thru it depending on what kind of person you are and how you handle grief, but it's something you should read when you are starting to recover. Thank you for sharing this truly humbling work, Bernard Jan. ...more

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Jun 05, 2018 Peter rated it it was amazing

Shelves: publisher-author-direct, non-fiction

Goodbye
Bernard Jan tells in detail the last 3 days of Marcel’s life, as his cat goes through its final stages of suffering from diabetes. This story is very emotional and touching, which felt like a self-professing love poem to Marcel – his pet, his companion, his love. The emotions are raw and unrestrained and the difficult decision to stop the suffering by putting Marcel to sleep, weighs heavily on his heart yet it is the final act of kindness he can offer. “I wish I could be brave like you an Goodbye
Bernard Jan tells in detail the last 3 days of Marcel’s life, as his cat goes through its final stages of suffering from diabetes. This story is very emotional and touching, which felt like a self-professing love poem to Marcel – his pet, his companion, his love. The emotions are raw and unrestrained and the difficult decision to stop the suffering by putting Marcel to sleep, weighs heavily on his heart yet it is the final act of kindness he can offer. “I wish I could be brave like you and look death in the face with equal force and dignity”

“My love, if you go away in a few days, the world will lose its colors and darken like the land of Mordor.
…
Your presence in my life is like a room filled with lamps. When you’re gone, the brightest, the prettiest one will go out. And leave behind the half-light of unclear shadows.”

The story will resonate most acutely with those that have pets where they have developed a relationship which integrates them as part of the family. It is very emotive for those that have experienced a similar situation of loss. The poetic language makes it more personal and heartfelt, and it feels like an intimate letter, a gift, which will last as a final testament to his love for Marcel.

The power of this book is that it opens an old wound or fear, a wound that you don’t want to close, a wound that itches and needs to be scratched. You need to bleed! Again!

My Story
I’m not an animal lover, my wife and children are. I’m more the favourite Uncle rather than immediate family. We’ve always homed abandoned cats that seem to find their way to our house – they just show up at the back door, scrawny and riddled with fleas. Perhaps it’s my wife’s love of animals and the bond she quickly forms that has prevented me from establishing any unique connections. The last addition was (is) an extremely nervous and timid stray, that surprisingly only I was able to pet and convince to come indoors. We realised she was pregnant while not much more than a kitten herself, and when it came time to give birth, we kept her indoors in her own little shelter, and I stayed with her during the 8-hour labour. The advice from those that knew better was not to interfere, otherwise, the mother may abandon her kittens, especially considering she was wild. During the first birth, the kitten died as the mother seemed confused and unable to manage her new-born. The second kitten also died as it was only half delivered before the contractions stopped and the mother gave up exhausted. I couldn’t watch this happen again and when the third birth started I actively got involved and physically helped deliver Jasmine. After the delivery, I ruptured her amniotic sac and massaged her chest until she breathed properly and moved. A process I repeated for another 2 kittens – Leo and Jive. Each kitten I presented to the mother and helped her to clean and care for them. She turned out to be a wonderful mother and overnight I became a midwife and stepfather.

Watching them grow up was so hilarious, so amazing and so precious. Jasmine was always the first to come to me as I sat on the floor, and the last to leave. She had an ongoing fascination with the laces of my trainers and so many other little memories. For the last 6 months, her routine was to go outside after breakfast and after a few hours come round to my home office window, whereby I would pick her up and lift her through the window. We would spend the next 15 minutes head to head and under my chin, receiving a lot of petting, with purring and other sounds of delight filling the air. I would get my hand and arm licked in return for a kiss on the top of her head. She lay at the end of my desk on a blanket for most of the working day, only getting up to repeat the petting every few hours or want to be cuddled in my arms. She would follow me around the house if I moved. At this point, she ceased being a cat and became my companion, my sticking plaster, my family. She was amazingly affectionate, content, and devoted to our special relationship. If I left for work she would lie outside my office door until my car pulled into the driveway, and then she would meet me as I opened the door. I would pick her up and we would hug each other – ‘I was only gone a short while’, I would explain.

On 16th May this year, a car knocked her down and killed her – 5 days before her first birthday. I found her body at the side of the road still slightly warm, blood in her mouth still wet, and her beautiful little face still so perfect. My brain shut down in shock, my gut was churned-up in nauseating pain and my heart was ripped apart. I struggled to remember how to breathe. I was too stunned to cry but the next morning while we were burying her I held her in my arms one last time and soaked her fur with tears that I didn’t even know where flooding down my face. Every day I glance at the end of my desk and picture her lying there looking up at me asking the question, ‘are you finished yet?’ ‘What about another cuddle?’ Jasmine, I miss you!

I appreciate the author providing me with the opportunity to review his book. I hope you don’t mind me telling my story as part of this review as I’ve not spoken about it until now. Maybe writing is the healing process – good luck with your healing Bernard. ...more

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Aug 31, 2017 Stjepan Cobets rated it it was amazing

Recommends it for: Fan of Fiction

Shelves: fiction

Since we are all mortals, whether we humans or animals, always comes a moment that we have to leave this world. And everyone has stressful events in his life, when as leave someone dear whom we loved very much. In the book "The World Without Color: A True Story Of The Last Three Days With My Cat" by Bernard Jan, the writer examines his innermost feelings in difficult moments when his cats Marcel leaves this world. His pain and affection for Marcela can be felt in every word he transmitted to the ...more

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Jul 04, 2017 Dianne rated it it was amazing

Shelves: grief, author-review, grab-the-kleenex

If you have ever owned and faced the death of a pet, lived through the agony of knowing that “it is time," or, if you have a heart, live and breathe, grab some tissues, just in case. Bernard Jan has taken a piece of his own heart and soul and put down in words, his feelings, his thoughts, and the utter devastation of the raw loss of his beloved pet.

Saying good-bye and “putting down” a pet who is suffering is one of the greatest nightmares a person can face. Is it really time? What if….what if…w ...more

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Jan 21, 2020 Ray rated it liked it

Shelves: ebook

This book just isn't for everybody. It's certainly for cat lovers, and by cat lovers I mean people who really truly deeply *Love* their cat with a capital 'L', but not for everybody.

This sort of memoir delves very deeply into the author's connection to his cat, and goes on and on about how much love there is. Tragically, the cat is sick and in it's last days. It's quite impressive that someone could write an entire short book about just these moments.

I think a narrative would have helped, some ...more

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Dec 19, 2017 TeaAndBooks rated it it was amazing

I received a free eBook copy of this book in exchange of an honest review.

Writing: 5/5
Originality: 5/5
Style: 5/5

Firstly, I would live to give a huge thank you to Bernard Jan, the author of this incredible and heart-lifting novel, for sending me a review copy!

I received a free eBook copy of this book in exchange of an honest review.

Writing: 5/5
Originality: 5/5
Style: 5/5

Firstly, I would live to give a huge thank you to Bernard Jan, the author of this incredible and heart-lifting novel, for sending me a review copy!

A World Without Colour: A True Story Of the Last Three Days With My Cat is an emotional novella and memoir about his last three days with his cat. This was a short read which only made it more enjoyable- it made it honest and not exaggerated. I truly enjoyed the main concept of this novella and how truthful it was. The author placed his raw thoughts into words and produced a moving read.

The novella felt poetic and moved me to tears. The way each thought and feeling was described was simply incredible. It takes a lot of skill to describe emotions and Bernard Jan has mastered this skill!

I myself have grown up with many pets including cats. This truly had me re-evaluate my own experience when several of my cats died and had me realise how tragic it truly was. I then understood why my family was so upset. Animals are speechless but have feelings and emotions just as a human might do and Bernard Jan has proven that.

“And wherever I go, whatever I do, I will try to let you also feel a touch of the world through which we will walk together. I’ll be your eyes. My heart will beat for you. My lungs will soak up the scents of the seasons, and the music from the radio will lull us to sleep together.”

The second-person writing style made the novella more persona and, as a reader, I could see things from Marcel’s (the beautiful cat) point of view.
I was so captivated by the author’s description of pain. It was beautiful yet tragic and this was truly incredible.

“But I care about you, as I would care about my brother if I had the chance to get to know him- an immediate family member, or a loyal friend to whom this faithless world gave birth. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but their words won’t hurt me. What I’m not sure about, but would like to know, is if I have been at least half as faithful to you as you have been faithful to me. Will you forgive me the moments I have devoted to others, which were rightly yours?”

“Sometimes the animals are so sick they walk on the edge of the abyss, but they don’t have the strength to jump into it. They wait for us to push them over the edge and for that they are grateful. Little one, I hope your fall wasn’t painful.”

My thoughts are with Bernard Jan and his family. The events he went through have honestly moved me and it was very difficult to read this book in one sitting!

I highly recommend this book and I hope that everyone takes a chance to read it! I also hope to hear more from this incredible author who has become one of my greatest inspirations.

...more

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Jul 18, 2017 Stacy rated it really liked it

A heart-wrenching memoir of a man's last three days in the life of his beloved cat. Bernard had spent nearly 15 years with Marcel, his cat. It had become his confidante, companion, like a sibling, seeing him through difficult situations, as watching his grandmother slowly fade and die from dementia to through troubling times as the dangerous and frightening Croatian War of Independence. He had basically grown up with him, and what pain and grief engulfed him as he watched the life of his best fr ...more

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Dec 20, 2017 Lilly Charysma rated it really liked it

I received a review copy of this book and this is one truly emotional story! I must agree, the connection that forms between a pet and its master is formidable. In this book, we have an analysis of this bound, to its most sensitive aspects. So I can only appreciate what the author managed to express in this amount of pages.

The writing is very emotional and it depicts very well his emotions and conflict. Any pet owner will identify with his story and with all he has had to deal with. I used to be ...more

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Jul 27, 2017 Rebecca Gransden rated it it was amazing

Death never arrives easy. Here, Bernard Jan chronicles the final stage in the life of a cat named Marcel, as Bernard, his family, and Marcel face Marcel’s death. The capacity for the depth of bond in an interspecies way has always amazed me. This has been illustrated to me very recently with the death of my own cat, Poppy. She was the runt of the litter, not meant to survive, smaller than my undersized palm when she arrived, but she lived for just about twenty-five years. I relay my story becaus Death never arrives easy. Here, Bernard Jan chronicles the final stage in the life of a cat named Marcel, as Bernard, his family, and Marcel face Marcel’s death. The capacity for the depth of bond in an interspecies way has always amazed me. This has been illustrated to me very recently with the death of my own cat, Poppy. She was the runt of the litter, not meant to survive, smaller than my undersized palm when she arrived, but she lived for just about twenty-five years. I relay my story because this short book reflects the dilemmas and conflicted emotions faced when dealing with, and having ultimate responsibility for, the final breath of a creature greatly loved.

There is a default position, somewhat hanging in the ether, that over sentimentality directed towards non-human animals is indulgent and perhaps infantile: the “just get another cat” brigade, like one furry body is as interchangeable as any other, a vessel to be exploited for a particular purpose then exchanged for another to fulfil that role. The reality is more complex, to say the least. The novella is unashamed in validating the high emotions involved when dealing with any loss. Every loss we experience, even honouring the multitude commonalities, has its own very particular bite and colour.

For anyone who has had a feline presence in their life and then said goodbye to it, this account of not just the final times of Marcel but of the dedication, regrets, and sadnesses surrounding such an event, will be instantly recognisable. One aspect that stood out to me was the formidable determination of Marcel’s character, that in the face of illness the push to extract every comfort and affection life still had to offer strongly remained. This echoed Poppy’s battling and embracing personality, where the mask over her struggles remained because she wanted to be with the people she loved more than feel her pain. How lucky we are to have these raw and awkwardly pure relationships. Five stars because I read this at just the right time. ...more

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Oct 21, 2017 Olivier Delaye rated it it was amazing

Once a long time ago I had a cat called Pugsy who meant the world to me. I rescued her from the “bag-and-river thing” when she was but a scrawny baby and she ended up living a long and happy life in our household, making our days so much brighter. This book reminded me of her, taking me back if only for a moment to my childhood when my beloved Pugsy was alive. When the writing is this good, the mind travels through space and time and the heart follows.

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Feb 03, 2018 Leonard Tillerman rated it it was amazing

Have you ever loved someone so much that you could not envision your life without them? A love so powerful that it continuously permeated your thoughts and intensified your happiness and contentment? Have you ever felt that way about someone? What if that someone was a cat? Have you changed your mind? If not, then I am guessing you are a true animal lover, similar to Bernard Jan who has penned this gripping and emotional novella.

A World Without Color is about a cat named Marcel and his owner, Be Have you ever loved someone so much that you could not envision your life without them? A love so powerful that it continuously permeated your thoughts and intensified your happiness and contentment? Have you ever felt that way about someone? What if that someone was a cat? Have you changed your mind? If not, then I am guessing you are a true animal lover, similar to Bernard Jan who has penned this gripping and emotional novella.

A World Without Color is about a cat named Marcel and his owner, Bernard Jan, who is the author of the work. Essentially, the book follows the author’s personal journey with grief as he shares the last three days of Marcel’s life. Marcel had been sick for a while and it had reached a point where the illness and pain could no longer be tolerated. The peace and tranquility offered by death was simply too strong an opportunity to ignore.

However, it is not simply a tale which chronicles the last three days of Marcel’s life. Indeed, it is about the raw flood of emotions which Bernard feels as he helps Marcel along this journey to death. The unconditional love which he has for Marcel is not only shown in his sorrowful grief and guilt as he helps Marcel find peace and release, but also in the joyful memories and flashbacks of their past time together. The love and importance of Marcel is also revealed in the relationship Bernard’s parents have with him. They too are grieving the loss of a family member in their own way. The saying, “everyone grieves differently” comes to mind.

Bernard Jan’s novella is guaranteed to evoke powerful emotions in the reader. More than once I was reading the words through the fog of my own tears. This is not only due to the compelling theme of unconditional love, but can also be attributed to the author’s poetic use of language which help to garner these feelings. His descriptions and thoughts are beautiful and moving. From the joyful flashbacks to the inevitable death of Marcel, the scenes are completely enchanting.

When I first began reading this novella I believed it would really only resonate with animal lovers. Indeed, true animal lovers understand that our animals are family members and we love them as much as any human. Those who have not experienced such relationships could not possibly relate to this book… right? Wrong! The theme of unconditional love for another being is captivating and all encompassing. It will click an emotional nerve in anyone who has the good fortune to read it.

When I write reviews, I am very careful to never provide spoilers. That being said, the reader should be prepared for an unusual ending to the book which will require deep thought. It will appeal to some and not to others. Personally, it worked for me as I found it matched the turbulent and emotional nature of the story. I was also able to personally relate to the unbearable depth and despair of grief.

5 teary stars for Bernard Jan’s powerful novella! ...more

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Sep 24, 2017 Michał/Michael Hołda/Holda rated it it was amazing

Shelves: motivation

Book about loss of companion, and also the saddest sadness of any kind that author has experienced. All sensitive, intelligent people do feel that intensity of pain in such loss. Books like this makes you appreciate being alive and being able to feel ups and downs wave of pulse in life stream.

I'm glad that this story is a book because reading it in silence is like prayer, like tribute to this relationship and recognition that animal friends are just part of the family.

Ps "got a free copy from th ...more

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Feb 21, 2018 Gisela Hausmann rated it it was amazing

Shelves: cats

Jan Bernard's book "A World Without Color: A True Story Of the Last Three Days With My Cat" is not for everyone, but pet owners as well as people who have experienced tremendous loss, like somebody dying of cancer will probably love his words.

At the end of his book, Bernard writes, "Writing this book was a question of survival, it was not an option or a choice. This story is personal and very important to me, so thank you for reading it" which is probably exactly how named groups of people feel Jan Bernard's book "A World Without Color: A True Story Of the Last Three Days With My Cat" is not for everyone, but pet owners as well as people who have experienced tremendous loss, like somebody dying of cancer will probably love his words.

At the end of his book, Bernard writes, "Writing this book was a question of survival, it was not an option or a choice. This story is personal and very important to me, so thank you for reading it" which is probably exactly how named groups of people feel about their losses; in a way Bernard encourages them to do as he did - put their thoughts down on paper, celebrate past days and learn to cope with the inevitable.

Bernard's story of Marcel's (his cat's) last days is beautiful and sad. He celebrates every tiny glimmer of hope, "... You wanted to boast to Saša that you were doing better and let him know how much his visits mean to you and how much you appreciate what he does for you..."; alas, to no avail.

Buried in this book are two important thoughts:
(p.10) "... the bookkeeping service where I worked for three years before I turned that page in life and became fully active in the animal protection and rights association..."
Living with Marcel made the author realize what he really wanted to do and he went after it. It's a more humble expression of the concept "Follow your Dreams" which is uttered daily in the United States, yet so few do.

(p.14) "... humans have a choice: the choice between good and evil, compassion and cruelty, empathy and ignoring, and we do not use it. We do not use common sense because our stomach blinds our mind and everything flows through it. At least most of us..."

And, the final question, "... If you, my star, die out, I don’t know what will happen to this constellation called your family..."
Having been there, having to put down my first cat Dixie, I know how it feels but eventually I learned that Bernard is wrong in thinking "... Adopting someone after you, after all we’ve been through together, seems like a betrayal..." and adopted first Artemis and then Yin-Yang as a playmate for Artemis. All three, the late Dixie, as well as now Artemis and Yin-Yang are part of my family.

The author writes he is a poet too. Well, I believe it, his book is poetic and beautiful.
Highly recommended to cat lovers and people who have experienced tremendous loss. I am both.
5 stars,
Gisela Hausmann, author & blogger
...more

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Jul 29, 2018 Stephanie Burton rated it it was amazing

Shelves: biography

See more of my book reviews on my blog, Literary Flits

I initially spotted A World Without Color when author Rebecca Gransden reviewed it on Goodreads. She loved this memoir and I had loved her books so I hoped Bernard Jan's writing would appeal to me as much as it did to Rebecca. It certainly did!

A World Without Color is Bernard Jan's intensely emotional memories of his cat, Marcel's, last three days and nights of life. Jan's writing is raw with grief yet also beautifully sentimental. He remembe ...more

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Jan 22, 2018 Nico Genes rated it it was amazing

Shelves: emotional-thriller, memoirs

The writing style of the author is simply beautiful; honest, poetic and full of emotions. I could feel his love for his dear cat, Marcel, and it made me think that some humans aren't capable to feel the same for another human being. And it is really a pity. I knew from the beginning that it will be an emotional, heartbreaking story, but I was impressed with how the author managed to transmit some of his thoughts and I do applaud him for the strong messages. Yes, it is a sad novella and I could f ...more

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Aug 11, 2017 Justin rated it really liked it

Shelves: books-read-2017

This book is incredibly well written the only reason i gave it 4 stars instead of 5 is purely down to how hard and upsetting it was to read which is just a credit to how well it was written. Unfortunately it was that upsetting to read i nearly struggled to sit and carry on which is why i had to knock it down a star. Well worth a read if you feel as though you are up to it.

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Nov 15, 2017 Stefan Vucak rated it it was amazing

Bernard is standing vigil over his terminally ill cat, caressing it, helping it feed, watching it, remembering the good days they had. He fleetingly considers putting it down to relieve its pain and misery, but decided against it. As long as the cat had life and a will to fight, he would let it live. The cat helped him cope with his grandmother’s dementia, and now, it was his turn to stand watch over his dearest pet. Watching the cat, he reminisces about the good times they had together. Realizi ...more

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Sep 28, 2017 Bibiana Krall rated it it was amazing

An usually private, and honest narrative delving into the relationship between a beloved cat and a human.

This is not a "pet" story. Rather, it is a love story of a giving friendship that takes us well past the every day and into the deepest part of what makes humans and other animals emotional beings. I was unsure as I read how I felt about this, never having experienced this depth with an animal, because I grew up on a farm. You can't get too close, not ever.

Allowing the words to wash over me ...more

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Jul 15, 2018 Taylor Watkins rated it really liked it

Shelves: author-submitted, read-bbn

Croatian author Bernard Jan approached me on Twitter and offered me a copy of his memoir, A World Without Color, as a free .mobi file in exchange for an honest review.

This story is a heartwarming and emotional ode to the last three days that the author spent with his cat, Marcel. Although I read far more fiction than nonfiction, I enjoyed the book and was honored that Mr. Jan would offer to share such a personal memoir with me and the rest of the world.

To see my full review, complete with a list ...more

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Aug 21, 2017 Shaylee (Bookswithshayydeniece_) rated it really liked it

DO NOT READ UNLESS: you are prepared to ball your eyes out!

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Mar 17, 2019 H.M. Holten rated it liked it

A Pet Lover’s Agony
Undoubtedly, Bernard Jan wrote A World Without Colour with his heart-blood. The question that remains, when reading his short opus, is if it would have been better to wait for a little longer before writing it. Sometimes, when one writes on open wounds, the danger looms that sentiment clouds the writer’s potential. That is a pity. Having said that, I must add my condolences. It is difficult to lose loved ones. Bernard Jan shows courage in sharing that agony, but the question r ...more

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Jul 04, 2017 Leigh Holland rated it really liked it

A World Without Color A True Story by Bernard Jan, 68 pages, July 1st 2017, Genre: Short Reads/Cats. Warning: May Contain Spoilers.

Review by Leigh Holland.

As a cat lover, I had to check out this short read. This is a love story. It’s not a romance. Nevertheless, it’s a story about a powerful, moving, enduring love. It’s all the more meaningful as it is a true story. Cat lovers will see their own experiences and feelings mirrored here. This story is an intense testament to the bond humans ...more

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Jan 22, 2018 Maks.A rated it it was amazing

Note I recieved a free copy of the book in exchange for a honest review
5 STARS!!!

"You curl up in your new hideout, and the soft light of April afternoon washes your worn-out body. You are aware of my closeness. you confirm hat with a gentle sigh while my palm tenderly slide down your fur. You still like my touch, although pain is what you mostly feel"

Such an emotional and effective read....I couldnt bring myself to read this in one go. Thats how this book cruely played with my feelings! To make ...more

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Feb 10, 2018 George Billions rated it it was amazing

Difficult and beautiful

This isn’t a long book, but I had to read it a little piece at a time. It’s really heartbreaking stuff. If you’ve ever loved and lost a pet, you’ll know exactly where Jan is coming from, and he articulates it perfectly. Oh, the feels! All of them! One of the things that got me was how he kicks himself for tiny, seemingly inconsequential pleasures denied while there was still time. He didn’t go pick some immature grass for his feline friend to chew on, and can’t get over th ...more

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Apr 02, 2018 Tina-Marie Miller rated it it was amazing

A heartbreaking account of the last days spent with a beloved friend that takes the reader through a rollercoaster of emotions. As each stage of Marcel’s last days unfolded, I was gripped with deep sadness and could relate to the devastation of loss. I applaud the author for sharing this very honest experience.

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Jul 12, 2018 Jasna rated it it was amazing

“My love, if you go away in a few days, the world will lose its colors and darken like the land of Mordor. If you go away and leave me to wander aimlessly, alone in this sea become wild, like a ship with a broken rudder and drowned sailors, and if I don’t find comfort in the warmth of your body, clutched in my embrace at the end of the day, I’m afraid I won’t survive.”

My home is empty without her. My life is empty without her. My world is empty without her.

A World Without Color -- such a proper, “My love, if you go away in a few days, the world will lose its colors and darken like the land of Mordor. If you go away and leave me to wander aimlessly, alone in this sea become wild, like a ship with a broken rudder and drowned sailors, and if I don’t find comfort in the warmth of your body, clutched in my embrace at the end of the day, I’m afraid I won’t survive.”

My home is empty without her. My life is empty without her. My world is empty without her.

A World Without Color -- such a proper, yet painfully accurate title. So graceful and truthful, hauntingly beautiful. It implies loss, grief, the lack of; yet, it is soft, gently bringing in you into its meaning -- a miserable existence, which remains assigned to this here realm of the living.

I won’t go into details about all the health problems my lovely has been experiencing in the last two and a half years. I will only proclaim she was a warrior of life, of cuddles, simply loving to love. We have lost her four times already, with each new scare; fourth being her final departure from which she will not recover, or return. And she had endured it like a true, wise Zen Master, with calmness of a stoic:

“You represent what is worthy and should be fought for: you are the symbol of incorruptibility, benevolence, innocence, purity, kindness, sincerity, selflessness, goodness, friendship, and love, qualities that should inhabit every corner of this planet. If we were all like you, we wouldn’t need redemption. Nor would we need to sacrifice and kill others for our sins. The world would be the way it was supposed to be, and not this muddy, dirty and bloody quagmire wrapped in a false cellophane, in which we wallow day after day. Full of illusions and running away from the truth!”

I started reading this book immediately after finding out that she might not last longer than a month or two, end of December last year. I needed some comfort, some fellow human (other than myself and my significant other), who had dealt with it by creating art. After several pages I gave up. It was too much to bear, too close to home, mirror image almost; although at that point, my cat was not as severely hurting as the author’s. She was not in pain, she was still playful, she still greeted us at the entrance, excited we were home. We dedicated every second of our spare time to cuddling with her, loving her. She knew she was feeling better from all the medicine I was giving her, and she never held a grudge regarding my forceful ways. She was, and until last minute remained, very proper, very cutie. So we cuddled. We cuddled hard. We always cuddled hard. We were going to take advantage of the time we had left.

She lasted six month, to the amazement of the veterinarians who cared for her. It is small comfort to hear them tell us that we are doing an amazing job with her, that we kept her alive, in relative comfort, longer than they’ve ever could have imagined, or have witnessed. The last week of June she finally stopped eating, as her kidneys were no longer processing protein. She slowly stopped drinking water. And two days before her final hour, I went back to reading this book, while petting her, crying over her (trying to contain myself, not wanting her to see me like that, fairly unsuccessfully), already missing her, as I knew the end is very near. I read up to a point of the author says goodbye to his darling Marcel. I couldn't go on. The aftermath was awaiting me, and I simply couldn't follow beyond that point.

Why did I put myself through something that intense, during already difficult circumstances? I’m not sure. My subconsciousness needed it I suppose, as a buffer -- it was possibly a way to give me strength to make the decision that was inevitable without making her suffer longer than necessary, while at the same time needing to make sure she will not get better, like she has so many times before. Only two days later, as it became obvious she was now in pain, her eyes and meows asking for relief (our lovely was always a great, master communicator -- her eyes were telling and serious, her purring weakened in power, but never in spirit), we had to make the same decision. We proudly cuddle until last minute. We cuddle hard, we always have.

We said goodbye as we sang her cuddle song to her. We watched as her beautiful green eyes had turned to haze, to grey, to black; I held her in my arms on the way home, one last time. I gave her the rites of Orthodox Christians -- although I am not religious and have my own sense of spirituality that can best be described as “eclectic”, for the first time it made sense to hold a twenty-four hour vigil, it was clear why to light candles, kiss her lifeless body over and over, and feel her sweet smelling fur through my fingers. The rites were modified slightly to our life with her, which I feel made them even more meaningful. Rituals and rites are process methods.

Three days later, I finally finished the book. I was ready to sob and grieve with the author. To reject life, and color.

“But I see emptiness where it should be you. Endless emptiness.” ...more

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Apr 04, 2019 Sara Kjeldsen rated it it was amazing

A World Without Colour is a beautiful, heart-wrenching story of the author's final three days with his beloved cat, Marcel. His writing captures the agony of watching someone we love suffering and knowing that there is nothing we can do to help them. Sometimes we meet an animal who captures our heart and becomes like a best friend or sibling to us. To lose them inflicts indescribable pain - it is sheer, absolute hell when one we love passes away and must leave us forever.
Despite how sad this st ...more

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About Bernard Jan

Bernard Jan

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"There is no greater joy than to share what you love with those who appreciate it." - Bernard Jan

Bernard Jan is a novelist and a poet from Croatia, and he has released three books in English.

A World Without Color is a true story of the last three days he spent with his cat, while Look for Me Under the Rainbow in a unique and gentle way sheds light on the plight of harp seal pups in Canada. It warm ...more

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“I am not the first nor the last one to mourn, but this is my way of mourning. It’s my way to deal with the pain and to feel you next to me. I couldn’t care less what others will say or think! They didn’t know you. They don’t know what you meant in my world.” — 1 likes

“There are the days when I feel like one of them—a hypocrite—when I am not persistent enough, stubborn and determined enough,” — 0 likes

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