Tomorrow Will Be Different: Love, Loss, and the Fight for Trans Equality

by Sarah McBride, Joe Biden (Foreword)

A timely and captivating memoir about gender identity set against the backdrop of the transgender equality movement, by a leading activist and the National Press Secretary for the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest LGBTQ civil rights organization.

Sarah McBride is on a mission to fight for transgender rights around the world. But before she was a prominent activist, and before she became the first transgender person to speak at the Democratic National Convention in 2016, she was a teenager struggling with her identity.

With emotional depth and unparalleled honesty, Sarah shares her personal struggle with gender identity, coming out to her supportive but distraught parents, and finding her way as a woman. She inspires readers with her barrier-breaking political journey that took her, in just four years, from a frightened, closeted college student to one of the nation's most prominent transgender activists walking the halls of the White House, passing laws, and addressing the country in the midst of a heated presidential election. She also details the heartbreaking romance with her first love and future husband Andy, a trans man and activist, who passed away from cancer in 2014 just days after they were married.

Sarah's story of identity, love, and tragic loss serves as a powerful entry point for readers who want to gain a deeper understanding of gender identity and what it means to be openly transgender. From issues like bathroom access to healthcare, identification and schools, Sarah weaves the important political milestones, cultural and political debates, and historical context into a personal journey that will open hearts and change minds.

Tomorrow Will Be Different highlights Sarah’s work as an activist and the key issues at the forefront of the fight for trans equality, providing a call-to-arms and empowering look at the road ahead. The fight for equality and freedom has only just begun.

“We must never be a country that says there’s only one way to love, only one way to look, and only one way to live.” –Sarah McBride

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Memoir, Queer, Politics, Feminism, Audiobook

272 pages, Hardcover

First published March 6, 2018

About the author

Sarah McBride is a progressive activist and currently the National Press Secretary at the Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest LGBTQ civil rights organization. In 2016, Sarah made history when she became the first openly transgender person to address a major party convention. She has been featured in the New York Times, Washington Post, TIME Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Elle, Vogue, Rolling Stone, and The New Yorker, and she speaks regularly at national LGBTQ and political events. A native of Delaware, Sarah is on the front lines of the progressive movement.

Reviews

[Miranda Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nearly cried like four times, actually cried once. If I could have rated it higher, I would.

And every day that we rob people people of the ability to live their lives to the fullest, we are undermining the most precious gift we are given as humans.

Sarah McBride, a prominent activist, was the first out transwoman to work at the White House, under the Obama administration.

It's rare to know in real time that what you are about to do will define the course of the rest of your life.

A native Delawarean, she was always excited about politics - a signed Joe Biden schedule being among her treasured childhood possessions - so it was natural for her to turn that love into a career.

But, she first had to overcome her own hurdles.

I had tried to say the words "I'm transgender" to my mirror. The shame would engulf me...

But with the support and love of her friends and family, Sarah McBride began her transition.

She speaks with unparalleled honesty about not only the transition but also what it felt to now live as a woman.

I finally had come out of the closet, only to find myself stuck in the kitchen.

It was an interesting contrast to see how her worldview changed once she transitioned - she went from confidently taking taxis to hoping that the creepy driver wouldn't take her down an alley, and to being downright terrified that he would find out that she's transgender.

Sarah continued her life newly devoted to increasing trans rights. She felt that it was her personal duty to help everyone without a voice in politics.

Each generation, it became clear, was defined by whether they expanded equality, welcoming and including people who had once been excluded or rejected.

And she successfully lobbied several bills - including one that banned workplace discrimination in her home state.

The ground was shifting beneath our feet; you could almost feel it.

Sarah McBride also describes the soaring love she felt for her husband, Andy, who stood right by her side as a fellow activist and as a transman.

And she shared mind-numbing crush when he was diagnosed with cancer and ultimately passed away, four days after their wedding.

"I'm so scared not to exist anymore," he'd scream through the tears. "...I'm so scared, Bean. I'm so scared."

Sarah includes her personal experience with the North Carolina bathroom bill, and the public outcry when she snapped a selfie in the women's bathroom.

I knew the stories would diminish in a matter of days...but after being told to kill myself thousands of times for days, the thought of suicide became a rational thought in my mind for the first time ever.

In short - this book was beautiful.

For a biography that takes place over just a few short years, it was absolutely mesmerizing. I could not put it down - seriously.

Sarah McBride's complete honesty really brought this book to life. She details every little aspect of her life as a transwoman in America - and as the audience, we felt every little high and low with her.

In particular, I really cheered when she finally got her corrected drivers licence.

I couldn't stop looking at it once I had it in my hands.
"Sarah Elizabeth McBride," it read. "F."

And she chronicles every moment with her husband so incredibly well that I completely fell in love with their relationship - so much that I could barely read the section about her husband's cancer - the tears were flowing so fast.

This is truly a book to remember - and one that everyone should read.

Young people will be the ones who write the history books of tomorrow

With many thanks to the author and publisher for a free copy in exchange for a honest review.

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[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Succinct and affecting, Tomorrow Will Be Different recounts activist Sarah McBride’s experience of coming out as a trans woman. The memoir is roughly divided into three parts: McBride’s transition process as a college student, her role in advancing groundbreaking trans legislation in Delaware, and her romance and marriage to her first love, who tragically died of cancer in 2014. Unlike some readers who found the second part to be a slog, I thought the memoir was consistently compelling. McBride writes simple, clear prose that seems designed to be accessible to anyone, and her observations about LGBT politics are insightful and intersectional, if not especially groundbreaking. McBride has a bright future in politics, and her life story is well worth checking out.

[Severine]

Sarah McBride's story is admirable. Too bad she supports rapist Joe Biden.

[Jenna ❤ ❀ ❤ · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I know that it can feel like we’re almost lost as a country. But we must never forget that even with all of the hate and all of the challenges, no matter who is president, we can continue to change our world for the better. We’ve done it before and we can do it again."

Sarah McBride is a trans-gender activist and was the first openly trans-gender person to address a major party convention. This book is a memoir of her coming out and transitioning, but it is also about her activism and fighting for trans-gender peoples' rights and protection. I loved the parts about her personally, though found some of the parts about her meetings with various government officials a bit boring. At the same time, her work is extremely important and thus the book is too.

Being cis-gender, I can't totally understand what it is like to be a trans-gender person and thus it is very important for me to read their accounts, hear their thoughts, know the struggles they face. As a lesbian, I can relate to some aspects of Sarah's struggles, like "coming out" and facing discrimination and hatred simply because of who I am, something I cannot change. When I look back to how things were for the LGBTQ community when I first came out 25 years ago, I am amazed and gladdened by all the positive changes. And yet we still have a long way to go, still have much to fight for. This is even more true for the trans-gender community. For this reason, it is extremely important for trans-gender people to be represented in government and in entertainment. We need to see more of them, increase their visibility, show people they are just like us and we have nothing to fear from them. Whilst I don't understand being born into the wrong gender body, I don't understand more how people can be bothered by people who are. How someone can hate someone merely because they are. I hope people will become more understanding and empathetic towards all minorities. No one should have to worry about losing their family, their job, their homes merely because of who they are. No one should have to worry about being vilified, beaten up, or even killed because of who they are. However, seeing how peoples' attitudes towards gay people have changed in 25 years, I am optimistic that attitudes towards trans-gender people will as well.

"We must always remember just how far we’ve come and hold firm to our vision of a fairer, more just society."

Ms. McBride is a wonderful person, intelligent, empathetic, strong, and compassionate and all of these attributes shines through in her writing. We need more leaders like her, and I am glad she is involved in politics. Perhaps she will be our first trans-gender president 14 years from now! I hope many people will read this book. Even though I found bits of it repetitive, it is still very well written. Ms. McBride is so open about her own struggles, thoughts, and feelings, and she brings to light the many problems trans-gender people currently face in this country. I remain hopeful that this will soon change. We CAN do better!
3.5 stars rounded up to 4.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I'm twenty-four, transgender, and a widow...that's a lot for someone in this society to handle." Sarah McBride

In Tomorrow Will Be Different, Sarah McBride shares her personal story as inspiration and to put a face on what it is to be transgender.

Imagine being unable to go into a public restroom in North Carolina without breaking the law. Imagine being unable to change your sex on your state ID, or being unable to keep a job or find housing. Imagine being vilified, ostracized, beaten up, an object of fear.

Nearly fifty years ago my husband 's father's best friend disowned his son when he became a woman. Over the years I heard snippets of the story, how as a child their son loved to play dolls and dress up with his older sisters, how blame was assigned for causing their son's 'problem', the resulting divorce and alienation.

In the 1990s my husband was approached by a teen from his church, an unhappy and angry child. Some thought she was presenting 'butch' because she was not conventionally pretty, assuming she was a 'pretend lesbian'. My husband affirmed her, but the support she needed from the community was not there. She changed her name and moved away. Today I know he was transgender, and I see on his Facebook page a happy, confident, burly guy with a successful career and a sparkle in his eye. I am so happy for him.

I wanted to read Tomorrow Will Be Different by Sarah McBride because I had seen her on television and knew she was an intelligent and lovely person. And I wanted to better understand her experience and the work toward equality for all persons.

The book's preface by Joe Biden is a must read. I recently read his Promise Me, Dad and I heard the same compassion and love in this preface.

McBride was fascinated by American politics since childhood. Meeting Joe Biden was an unforgettable moment. She interned on Beau Biden's first race. McBride was fifteen when she introduced Jack Markell at the launch for his 2006 race for reelection as state treasurer, and at age eighteen when he ran for governor.

During these years, McBride outwardly conformed to the gender role socially acceptable, presenting masculine and even dating. She did not want to let anyone down. But she was miserable.

McBride ran for student president at college to great success and was very popular and led a push to end gender exclusive housing. In her junior year, with great trepidation, McBride announced being transsexual.

She describes the scene when she came out to her family, her mother in tears. McBride had a gay brother, and her other brother tried to break the ice by announcing, "I'm heterosexual." In a heartwarming scene, McBride tells her fraternity brothers, who enveloped her in an embrace. Beau Biden called her to offer his love and support, as did Joe Biden. The Biden family confirmed her belief that there are still good people in politics.

McBride repeats how lucky and privileged she has been, knowing that most trans persons lack a support system and her advantages. Throughout the book, she shares the devastating statistics behind the transgender experience: high rates of suicide; verbal harassment and physical assault in public restrooms; legal exemptions that allow discrimination; inability to find housing or keep a job.

McBride met the love of her life, Andy, who was a few years older and also trans. Tragedy struck when Andy was diagnosed with cancer and underwent surgery and treatment with McBride providing care and support.

I can't imagine the burden of being twenty-three and watching your beloved struggle with a terminal illness. Both my parents died of cancer, and I was at my Dad's side in the hospital for over two months. My heart broke as I read McBride's story.

Trans rights advanced under President Obama, then 2016 saw the election of President Trump and Vice President Pence. The gains for equality under the law are being threatened. But McBride has found hope in the young people of our country, those who have been accepted as children for who they are, and who assume that the doors are open to them.

I pray it is so.

I received a free ebook from First to Read in exchange for a fair and unbiased review.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this!

The writing is quite simple, and at times I wish it had been a bit more literary, but I can appreciate that the writing style makes this more acceptable to people who may not know much about LGBTQIA+ (and specifically trans) issues.

I really loved how much emphasis McBride puts on intersectionality. While she is very open about her own struggles with discrimination as a trans woman, she is always quick to emphasize her own privileges. She reiterates how violence against trans women of color, particularly black trans women, is an issue that is unfortunately becoming more common. I also love how she addresses issues around "passing" i.e. being a trans person who is feminine/masculine enough to seem cisgendered. She acknowledges that passing can help her platform as a public figure, but pushes back against the idea that trans people are people because Look! They look like real women/men! Trans people are real women and men because that is who they are not because of how they present.

I also loved reading her love story with her late husband, Andy. That elicited a STRONG emotional response from me.

Overall, I would definitely recommend this. Even if at times I got annoyed that things like "POTUS" were explained, I really enjoyed reading this.

[Leigh Kramer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tomorrow Will Be Different may be the most important book I'll have read this year. This is the one I'll be pushing—er, gently encouraging—people to read. 

Sarah McBride's memoir is both accessible and powerful. She shares her own story but she is ever pointing out her privilege and centering the experiences of the trans community. She lets us in to her life, while also providing a bird's eye view of the larger issues. The result is truly masterful. I particularly appreciated the way she pointed out the inequity and discrimination trans people often face in the health care system and funeral services.

I was greatly moved as Sarah shared about her journey in accepting and then embracing her identity. This is such a personal experience. That she was able to share it as openly as she did is an incredible gift.

Because of Sarah's activism, we get to see everything that went on behind the scenes leading up to the Delaware Senate and House passing the Gender Identity Nondiscrimination Act of 2013. So much goes into passing any bill and it was fascinating to see how hard Sarah and her coworkers at Human Rights Campaign worked, as well as hear all the personal accounts. It was also disheartening to see the pushback and outright attacks they faced. But then justice prevailed and I was celebrating right alongside Sarah! There's more work to be done but I hope every state will follow suit and protect the rights of all transgender people.

"Names are important. Not just in the transgender community but everywhere. It's the first thing a parent gives to a baby. It's how our society bestows personhood, recognizes individuality, and affirms humanity in each one of us. That's why one of the first steps in marginalizing someone is to remove their name. It communicates that you are unimportant and unseen." p. 53 

Sarah made so many important points about identity and gender, the ways we show people we see and love them and the ways we marginalize and ignore them. We have an opportunity to come alongside the trans community to show them how loved and valued they are and part of that is listening to stories like Sarah's and Janet Mock and Allyson Robinson and Austen Hartke and so on. 

One of the best parts of this book was the story of how Sarah fell in love with Andy, a trans man. They were so perfect for each other and I loved that they met at a White House reception in celebration of Pride month. They eventually ended up working at HRC together in addition to dating. Unfortunately, Andy was diagnosed with cancer and died only a few days after they were married. I'm so happy they had the time together they had but it's unbearably sad that it was too short. 

This was so well written and engaging. If you've been wanting to better understand and support the trans community, this book is a wonderful place to start.

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy from Blogging For Books in exchange for an honest review.

[Kendall · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Amazing Grace."

That line, repeated over and over again in the midst of the darkest days of her life, says so much about Sarah-- that in the midst of any hardship, she can look for, and see, the hope in the broken and beautiful world we live in.

I read this book in one sitting (while sobbing on a train next to concerned and loving strangers). It is such a gorgeous, honest, and brilliant lesson for all of us. It's a lesson about what we give to and take from each other. It's a lesson about ordinary and extraordinary courage. It's a lesson about fighting, raging, and loving without regret, about protecting the people we love, and about choosing grace over fear, even in our darkest hours.

I am beyond blessed to know first-hand how much it means when Sarah tells us that she will never stop "fight[ing] like hell to make sure that every single one of us is treated with the dignity, respect, and fairness we all deserve."

I cannot recommend this gorgeous book highly enough.

[laurel [the suspected bibliophile] · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sarah McBride writes about her transition, her life (so far) and her fight for trans equality in her home state of Delaware and in the national stage.

Hope can be limitless. Inspiration can always be found. Ideas are endless. But time, that is the one resource that none of us can afford to waste.

This is definitely required reading. I've been reading more memoirs and biographies this year, and I haven't had a single one that let me down.

This book, in particular, embodies the all-encompassing hope for equality, equity and legal justice for marginalized communities in America that Obama's presidency aspired to—and did, in many ways—assist and lift up.

While highlighting the absolutely horrible discrimination trans people face in their day to day lives—from things that are as thoughtless for cis people as what bathroom to use or even if they can use a bathroom safely to finding a place to live and work that won't kick them out for being trans to being safe from the attacks of cis men—this book details the work and persistence that trans rights activists have been putting in to wrest equality from those who would continue to discriminate against them.

And within this story of the fight for equality is the heartbreaking love story of Sarah and her late husband Andy, a trans man who fought nation-wide legal battles for his community, but ultimately lost his life to cancer. My heart broke for Sarah and for Andy, and for the trans community.

Overall, this book is necessary and required reading for anyone who claims to be an ally to the LGBTQIAP+ community, and for those people who want to work on making a difference for marginalized communities, and to affirm and respect other people's gender identities, sexual orientations, cultures and religions.

It is a rallying cry for those who fought hard for basic, bare bones anti-discrimination and rights under Obama, who have watched as the Trump administration swiftly slapped down and erased them, telling entire swaths of Americans that they were no longer valid, that they were less than second-class citizens, that they had fewer rights than other Americans based on elements of themselves they could not control.

My one recommendation? Listen to the audiobook.

Each time we ask anyone—whether they are transgender, Black, an immigrant, Muslim, Native American, gay, or a woman—to sit by and let an extended conversation take place about whether they deserve to be respected and affirmed in who they are, we are asking people to watch their one life pass by without dignity or fairness. That is too much to ask of anyone.

[Andy · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this incredibly moving memoir, Sarah brings us through her life, her transition, and her work in trans equality. If what you want to hear is all the sordid details about Sarah's past when she wasn't living her true life, then move on because that's not what this book is about. Tomorrow will be Different is about Sarah's journey into the field of politics and finding her voice to speak up for the injustices set against the trans community.

I absolutely loved seeing how Sarah's political career started even before she went to college. Seeing someone so young have such passion for politics was incredibly inspiring. After reading this, I feel so invigorated to go and start a political movement or at least lend my support where it's needed. The title of this story really exemplified the hopeful tone of this book. Even though Sarah does discuss some events of and after the 2016 election, there is always a hopeful undertone. I still can believe that tomorrow will be different even if today isn't what I hoped for.

Another thing I loved was how much Sarah pointed out her privilege. While this is her story, she is very aware of the fact that many other trans men and women have a tougher journey than she did, before transitioning and after. I loved that she never marginalized anyone else's journey for the sake of her own throughout her narrative.

Sarah's relationship with her late husband Andy played a big role in her career and political aspirations. I loved seeing how they inspired each other and how deeply they loved one another. They dealt with extremely tough circumstances for people so young (CW: Cancer, Cancer Treatment). I loved seeing the impact of the laws that both Andy and Sarah pushed in their respective fields. These two really made a difference in the fight for trans equality. There's always room for progress and I'm so glad these two were able to accomplish what they did.

[Kara · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's hard to not give a book five stars when it made you tear up three times (for three different reasons!) when you're really not a crier.

Sarah's story is amazing and heartbreaking, and it's particularly engaging if you have an interest in politics.

My favorite quotes:

- ...we all live our lives with multiple identities intersecting with one another, creating a mix of privileges and challenges that all people carry with us.

- ...each time we ask anyone - whether they are transgender, Black, an immigrant, Muslim, Native American, gay, or a woman - to sit by and let an extended conversation take place about whether they deserve to be respected and affirmed in who they are, we are asking people to watch their own life pass by without dignity or fairness. That is too much to ask of anyone.

- When young people participate in politics, they can speak from a place of history. I don't mean the history of the past, but rather the history that remains to be written. Young people will be the ones who write the history books of tomorrow.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an autobiography of the author's struggle and journey of being transgender.....and I think that is the part I liked the most. She covered her inner turmoil with identifying as transgender, coming out to her family, friends, coworkers and trying to find her place on the spectrum of womanhood. This felt honest and I liked how she told her story. She is an activist for transgender rights and has seen much change. But even with the legislative changes and increased awareness many who are transgender still feel the need to be invisible. I was completely pulled in to her story.

Now parts of this felt long. Sometimes she was just too polite and that approach seemed to drag out some of the bullet points. But overall, this was informative and heartfelt. So 4 stars.

[Whitneycyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

just finished this...With tears. This was about equal parts behind the scenes politics for trans rights, and her relationship with her husband, Andy, and his struggle with cancer. What I really appreciate about her perspective was her candor about how rough it was caring for her significant other. She didn’t sugar-coat it or make it seem like she was a saint. She was human, and willing to be vulnerable with her readers about how much of a toll it took on her and their relationship.

This was also enlightening for me because I didn’t know what the day-to-day work of a political advocate consisted of and how many states work actively against trans rights :( The number of times my reaction while reading this was, “oh, God!”.....jeez...I don’t even know.
But it is inspiring to know strong people like McBride are fighting the good fight and makes me want to be a better ally.

I would recommend this if you enjoy non-fiction.

[Eleanor Kallo · Rating 1 out of 5]

All I can say is that if you're reading this, especially if you are trans, please read Normal Life by Dean Spade as well. Sarah McBride encompasses so much about white [trans] women (and cis women, and generally white people) that needs to be examined. Read Captive Genders as well, while you're at at. Sarah's transness does not exempt her from all of her other privileges, and while she makes incredibly cursory, frankly insulting, nods to these privileges that is simply not enough. I say all of this as a white trans person myself. We have to be more self aware, ya'll. Go read Normal Life, go read Captive Genders, because we have to be better than this.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

A powerful memoir. Just what I was hoping for. I feel I have a better understanding about some of the complexities and nuances of being transgender in America today.

Side rant: I wanted to scream at the way Andy and Sarah were treated by the medical community in some of the conversations Sarah described. It’s just not how it should be done! And, I know oncology socials AT Hopkins who have better conversations with patients than the ones they experienced. Sigh.

[Melissa ♥ Dog/Wolf Lover ♥ Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

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[Barbara (The Bibliophage) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Originally published on my book blog, TheBibliophage.com.

4.5 stars, rounded up

Sarah McBride covers a wide variety of topics in Tomorrow Will Be Different: Love, Loss, and the Fight for Trans Equality. But given the complexity of gender identity and McBride’s own path, it’s not surprising. This was also a perfect pick for Pride Month. It fits perfectly in a time where LGBTQIA+ equality issues permeate the news and aspects of our culture.

McBride is young, but she accomplishes plenty throughout the book. Not the least of which is winning a seat in the Delaware State Senate in 2020. (Not covered here—maybe in a later memoir.) This book is an introduction to her, her life, and her advocacy work. Plus, she educates while she writes. After reading this book, you’ll have plenty of talking points for your next discussion about trans discrimination and need for laws and practice to protect equality for people who are trans.

Another aspect of McBride’s life is her relationship with her late husband, Andy Cray. Cray was a trans man, lawyer, and nationwide advocate. Sadly, he didn’t survive a bout with oral cancer, despite a valiant battle. In some ways, the journey through the maze of healthcare and the cancer experience was no different for Sarah and Andy than any other couple. At the same time, they worried about things that cisgender couples don’t need to. (Cisgender is the term for people who not trans.) It honestly broke my heart.

My conclusions
This book pulled me right in and grabbed hold. Maybe it’s because people in my life are also transgender. Or perhaps McBride’s activism speaks to my sense of politics and advocacy. It could also be that I love a good memoir about medical experiences. The combination of these various aspects just appealed to me. In addition, McBride is a strong writer.

As a youngster, she wanted a career in politics, and now it’s her chosen career. Whether she continues in public life or not, allowing readers into her world for about 300 pages is brave. But as McBride says about life before transition, “Being me appeared so impossible that changing the world seemed like the more realistic bet.” This book is about how she does both.

I admire McBride for all the hurdles she faces and surmounts in her young life. She comes out to the world, transitions, falls in love, marries, becomes a widow, and gets elected State Senator all before age 30. Calling it quite a life is beyond understatement. But imagine what the world can expect from this woman in the decades to come!

Pair with Jennifer Finney Boylan’s memoir Good Boy: My Life in Seven Dogs or Laurie Frankel’s novel about a family with a trans child, This Is How It Always Is.

[Sara Kaner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so good and I want everyone to read it. I cried LOTS of tears while reading, but it felt cathartic and hopeful and empowering. I am a forever fan of Sarah McBride!

[Casey the Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sarah McBride came out at trans her senior year of college. Her memoir, TOMORROW WILL BE DIFFERENT, covers her coming out and her rise as a trans rights activist. It's also the story of how she fell in love with and lost her husband, also a trans activist, to cancer just days after their wedding.

McBride's story is one of the most compelling memoirs I've ever read, political or otherwise. Her lightning-fast move from newly-out to being the first openly trans person to speak on stage at a major party convention is head-spinning and inspiring. She's also a great writer - she is able to clearly and concisely explain not only what her experience of being a trans woman feels like, but also to place the struggle for trans rights into context, both in today's politics and in the history of civil rights movements in this country. If you are new to learning about trans people, this book is a great place to start.

I also really appreciated her continual acknowledgment of her relative privilege. Trans people are among the most marginalized in our society, but McBride sees her own advantages - white, conventionally pretty, wealthy, with a strong support network - and uses her position to advance the position of all trans people.

Her description of gender dysphoria as feeling like a kind of homesickness is the first time I've ever felt like I might understand what it feels like to be trans. As a cis person, I'll never really know that internal pain, but who hasn't felt homesick? I found that illustration so helpful.

And as for her relationship with Andy. All the tissues, all the tears. I want to write more about it but I'm already about to cry again.

[Krystelle Fitzpatrick · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the most important things in the queer community is the voices within the community being heard. Sarah McBride provides her incredible story of transition, her fight for advocacy and justice, and her short but lovely marriage to her late husband. Her bravery in the face of overwhelming grief is absolutely amazing, and to read a book from a trans woman pushing for her rights every single day in a public forum was wonderful. The author has a clear and concise voice, and lays out her story in a way that anyone can understand, and I truly hope anyone with a more ignorant approach to the LGBT+ community picks this book up and learns something from it.

[Tamsin Ramone · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book. Everyone should read it! But if you don’t like crying in public don’t read it in public…

It’s one of the books I can honestly say changed my life, it educated me so much, it was so affirming and just full of acceptance and positivity.

Both Sarah and Andy touched my life through this book and I’m grateful to have been able to read it.

[Tiffany · Rating 4 out of 5]

For the YA Book Club August Reading Challenge:
Read a memoir.

Actual review to come.

[Barb · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so glad I read this book. The author, Sarah McBride, is a transgender woman who is an activist for her community. She tells her story with three intertwining stories, political activism, a coming out memoir and a grief memoir. She begins with her early childhood and her vigorous desire to be politically active. She was raised in the comfortable suburbs of Delaware and her parents aware of her strong interests made opportunities available to her to pursue her dreams. After serving as class president at American University, she made the difficult decision to come out as transgender. Her family was lovingly supportive and ultimately worked alongside her in fighting for trans rights. The rest of the book takes a deep dive into the two years following her college graduation where she was a political activist first in Delaware and then in Washington DC to help pass legislation creating equal rights in all areas for transgender persons. During this time she met and fell in love with a transgender man. Their time together was intense as he was an attorney activist in the movement and she was now working for the same organization. Sadly he was diagnosed with cancer and at the tender age of 24 Sarah became a widow. Her agony over her loss was palpable on the page and hard to read. That same ability to share such an intimate suffering also gave her the words to share her passion and her enthusiasm for her cause. I would highly recommend this book.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Page 44
"Having certain privileges does not mean that your life is easy or that you do not face challenges. It just means that you don't experience specific kinds of obstacles or barriers faced by someone with a different identity or background. And our empathy should require us to acknowledge the plight of others in both its similarities to ours and in its differences."

Thank you for sharing your story Sarah, so that others may see beyond identity lables to the amazing people behind them.

[Jassmine · Rating 4 out of 5]

The best way I can describe [being transgender] for myself [...] is a constant feeling of homesickness. An unwavering ache in the pit of my stomach that only goes away when I can be seen and affirmed in the gender I've always felt myself to be. And unlike homesickness with location, which eventually diminishes as you get used to the new home, this homesickness only grows with time and separation.

This was such an interesting book. I'm going to come across as such a nerd, but... the legislative details were fascinating! To give you the context, we still don't have marriage equality in my county and don't even ask what transgender people have to go through to have their identity seen as valid. But the discussions are very much present, most of the population supports marriage equality, but not enough to make it political priority and so politicians just ignore the issue altogether (and when they are not ignoring it, they are equating us to pedophiles and zoophiles and god knows what else). So it was nice to see some of the parallels here and other places where our paths differ. Toward the end, I was a little sorry that it didn't contain more of the primary material, because I would be interested in more of specific information about some of the laws (but that's not what this book is, so it's perfectly fine...).

Each of us has a deep and profound desire to be seen, to be acknowledged, and to be respected in our totality. There is a unique kind of pain in being unseen. It's a pain that cuts deep by diminishing and disempowering, and whether done intentionally or unintentionally, it's an experience that leaves real scars.

Then there are of course the personal parts and I think we all agree that those places were powerful. Really, it made me sob. For several reasons but one of the main ones being how young she was when it all happened to them. When she was my age, she became a widow... it's hard to wrap my head around the fact. Life is sometimes so unfair.

Having certain privileges does not mean that your life is easy or that you do not face challenges. It just means that you don't experience specific kinds of obstacles or barriers faced by someone with a different identity or background. And our empathy should require us to acknowledge the plight of others in both its similarities to ours and in its differences.

I also realised that it's hard for me to read books written by politicians. There is no nuance when she talks about some of her colleagues. It kind of reads like a campaign in places... now, I'm not saying this is inherently wrong, but being an academic, it bothers me. Sometimes the tone of the book was just rubbing me the wrong way.
That said, it's still pretty great. The audio is good too, the Joe Biden introduction was strange and the narration was even worse, but the rest of the book is narrated by Sarah herself and I quite liked it. You can tell she isn't a professional narrator and she has a no-nonsense approach, both of which I quite liked for its honesty.

As I said to that state representative in Delaware who had admonished us for moving the trans equality bill too quickly, each time we ask anyone - whether they are transgender, Black, an immigrant, Muslim, Native American, gay, or a woman - to sit by and let an extended conversation take place about whether they deserve to be respected and affirmed in who they are, we are asking people to watch their own life pass by without dignity or fairness. That is too much to ask of anyone.

I would recommend you this book if you are interested in US politics, especially considering trans rights and lgbtq+ rights in general. And if you liked The Fault in Our Stars (or some similar book) as a teen, before realising how unrealistic it all was. It is a heart-wrenching book targeted (I would say) more toward the cis audience than trans one, because it takes time to explain some of the really basic terms. It wasn't quite "for me", but it was still mostly great and enjoyable. I'm glad I finally got to it!

BRed at Radical Reading: https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...

[Randi (readsrandiread)]

Read this book!⁣
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Written before Sarah was elected as Delaware’s newest senator, the country’s first transgender senator, 𝙏𝙤𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙬 𝙒𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝘽𝙚 𝘿𝙞𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩 follows Sarah after coming out as transgender in college. I’ve written and deleted a summary a zillion times here and feel like I keep not serving justice to this book. Sarah shares her personal coming out story, her journey through politics and activism for trans equality, and shares her love and personal heartbreak as she lost her new husband to cancer. ⁣
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“𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘢𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 “𝘞𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦” 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘢 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵.”⁣
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I’m immensely grateful for people, like Sarah, who share their incredibly personal stories and let me learn and grow as a person from them. This book shares an incredible life and journey.
⁣
**And on a side note: While it is in no way the point of this book, if you wanted a behind the scenes look at the kind of man our next President is, Sarah’s interaction with Joe Biden will give you that. His words to Sarah brought tears to my eyes. 💙

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly, I expected this book to be kind of depressing. Given the current U.S. political climate and all the losses I see regularly for the trans community, it can be hard to surmount these obstacles in my mind. But Sarah is an inspiration, and her memoir shows why politics and hope can still sometimes work together. She shows how real changes are being made for the LGBTQ+ community and how we can continue to progress in these efforts. Most of all, I love that she's honest and straightforward throughout her memoir. It's refreshing to see someone who has stared into the belly of the beast and still has hope for tomorrow. So, this is a great book to read for an honest, positive reflection on history being made for LGBTQ+ equality and one passionate, trans female activist helping to make those changes possible.

[JD · Rating 5 out of 5]

There were too many excellent parts of this book to pull quotes from. I need everyone to read this, and in an ideal world they would. This book provided insight on the political side of trans and queer equality and showed me that there ARE politicians who care - even ones that don’t seem like they’d be on my side on paper. The corruption and power imbalances in the American government were not ignored, but it was inspiring to hear that there are still people in power who recognize their privilege and position to help. I could say so much more but it wouldn’t do this book justice. I hope my parents read it someday. Thank you so much Sarah, and thank you so much Andy.

[Blair Hodges · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first book I've read by someone who is openly transgender. Sarah McBride offers a compelling glimpse at the world through the eyes of one particular transgender person. With empathy, self-reflection, and confidence—not to mention great vulnerability—she tells the story of recognizing who she was, of coming out to family, friends, and the public, of becoming involved in political battles for LGBTQ rights, of falling in love, and tragically, of becoming a caregiver for a dying loved one.

Moving, insightful, and educational.

"Vulnerability is often the first step on the path toward justice. Vulnerability breeds empathy; empathy fosters support; support leads to action."

[Lindsay Nixon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m glad this book exists. I also think Sarah is incredible/smart/passionate/driven and am going to throw money at her campaign. (I wish I could vote for her).

Overall, I believe memoirs like these need to exist. I learned; I gained insight and perspective; I applaud her sharing her experiences so honestly... however, like many memoirs I start getting bored, feeling like I’m stuck in a corner with THAT person at a party. It’s almost too detailed for me and very slow paced. I would have preferred a highlight reel or a few short/poignant essays.

DNF.