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Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Is a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

4.11  ·  Rating details ·  369 ratings  ·  18 reviews
"But what about me?"
"Is it possible to go one day without dealing with the survivor's issues?"
"Will we ever make love again?"
"Will the survivor love me in the end?"
"How do I know if I should throw in the towel?"

Based on in-depth interviews and her workshops for partners across the country, Laura Davis offers practical advice and encouragement to all partners—girlfriends, b
Paperback, 368 pages
Published September 11th 1991 by William Morrow Paperbacks
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 ·  369 ratings  ·  18 reviews

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Aug 02, 2009 rated it it was ok
Recommends it for: researchers only
Recommended to H. by: Amazon ratings
Shelves: research
Under the very narrow condition of reading for my specific and non-personal purpose, Allies in Healing is a useful read. But I have to say flat out that much of my response is discomfort to Davis' consistent and subversive pushing of what is essentially false memory syndrome/recovered memory therapy. Over and over again, peppered throughout the interesting personal stories and questions of partners and their specific relationship pains, is the message that if a person feels queasy about child ab ...more
Songs and Sonnets
Oct 08, 2011 rated it really liked it
This book has been a real life-saver to me as the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. It's full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy to dip into and find what you need. Apart from the case studies at the end, I'd say one third of this book is information on sexual abuse and how survivors are affected, and the remaining two thirds are advice on how to cope as a partner. The book emphasises that partners have needs too and gives advice on how to communica ...more
Aug 13, 2012 rated it did not like it
This book is of NO help to the spouse of a child sexual abuse survivor. It doesn't give you a path to normal healthy adult sexual relationship. It tells you your partner needs a "healing vacation from sex", apparently forever as all the case history's cited are of people still celibate in marriage. ...more
Renee Winkles
Angel Graham
Sep 18, 2012 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: Incest Survivors

This review is from: Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child (Paperback)
I am a survivor who is also an ally in healing. This book is quite good in helping you to help others. It is written by one of the authors of Courage in Healing.

If you love someone who has been abused sexually as a child, this is a good place to start. If you are a spouse, lover, partner to a survivor of abuse, this book will help to answer some of the questions you have.

For instance, Laura
Jul 17, 2009 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: Anyone
Recommended to Kate by: Leanne Dahlin, MSW
Simple, concise, supportive.

It lends clear insight in how a persona can be supportive when a person they love is dealing with the trauma of being sexually abused and what they can expect (i.e. a lot of time spent talking about the trauma, how intimacy may be changed, etc.) and how to care for themselves and get their needs met as their loved one goes through this healing process.

My husband and I found it helpful and healing. It spoke to us both and we liked the parts which referred us to have de
Apr 25, 2012 rated it liked it
This book is a useful reference for survivors and their partners. It does give a lot of important resources at the back of the book as well. Laura Davis tackles the very emotionally charged issues around sexual abuse and its impact on adult relationships carefully and respectfully. It also challenges the common stereotypes that most abuse occurs with girls. This topic is never an easy one, and the book is organized as a "menu" so that you can target specifically an issue, or you can choose to re ...more
KayLynn Zollinger
Jun 11, 2012 rated it it was amazing
I highly highly highly suggest this book to anyone who knows anyone who has been sexually abused. While it is written for a romantic relationship, it is very relevant and can help with any type of relationship. It's written in a very easy to read question and answer format so you can skip the parts that aren't pertaining to your loved one's situation but I promise it will help you gain a deeper understanding into what they are going through as they work to heal from their past trauma and will th ...more
Jan 03, 2014 rated it liked it
Recommended to Christina by: psychologist
While some of the information is good in this book, it is written in a colloquial voice that can be a bit irritating. Unlike its companion book, it is written in a haphazard question and answer format. This may be convenient for some, since you can select which questions pertain to you, but it doesn't feel like a complete book due to the layout. There are multiple grammatical errors in this book that also make me question the validity of the author's perspective. ...more
May 04, 2015 rated it did not like it
This was a book given to someone I know, he thought it might be good if i red it ? Not. Had me focused more on my past problems, then making me feel i was healing. To much hyper focusing on the issue, maybe I can't face mine entirely? I just cast my painful past upon the Lord, and I have felt better doing that then the out come of reading this book. I guess it's a good read for the drama queen's out there, marinading in there own tear-filled pity. ...more
Kelley Frank
Aug 23, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I read this book at first purely for research and character development. Later, I realized it helped me find tools to help friends recovering from childhood abuse and neglect.

This was a very helpful read for anyone looking to understand the survivor viewpoint and challenges faced by survivors and their significant others. There’s a lot of focus on repressed memories, which is a bit uncomfortable at times, but this should be a handy guide for anyone looking to traverse this fraught situation.
Kelly Ovans
Mar 10, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: self-help
as being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse Laura Davis helped me understand how my partners, lovers and friends were dealing with my behaviours...anger, shame etc.
forgiving myself and seeing my abuser was healing. I was stuck in place or grave until i looked at my abuser and went meh i forgive you and you can't control/hurt me anymore.
Ian Mcnamara
Sep 20, 2015 rated it it was amazing
This was a very useful and informative book. I am debating about entering into a long-term relationship with someone Who has suffered this. This book has made me realise that it is something I want to get involved in and would like to help the person on that journey towards healing. I found this book very insightful and there were some interesting facts in it.
Sep 14, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2018
I love the setup of this, which is basically question and answer, followed by a bunch of personal stories. I found it intriguing and informative and easy to read, even when it wasn’t applicable to anyone in my personal life.
Also there are SO many recommended books at the end! A treasure trove!
Jan 24, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: help-yrself
One of the most helpful books I have read. Partners and intimates of survivors need to read this. Strikes many sensitive spots, but damn me if I wasn't laughing, crying, and LEARNING from this book. Couldn't recommend it more. ...more
Jan 01, 2014 rated it really liked it
over all it was a good book to help anyone in a relationship with a survivor. though I must say that parts of the book did get repetitive. I'd recommend it to anyone that wants to learn and has an open mind. ...more
Marilyn Cugini
Apr 22, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Very helpful reading for anyone connected to someone who is in the circle of someone who has suffered from childhood sexual abuse. Many great insights from an author who has been there. Many good recommendations for helping a loved one. I will share this with family and friends.
Dwight Hurych
Oct 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Excellent treatment in Q&A to clarify what it may be like to be an adult survivor of child abuse.
Natasha Howorth
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Cassie Starinsky
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In her 30+ year career as an author and writing teacher, Laura Davis has written seven non-fiction books that change peoples’ lives. Laura’s ground-breaking books have been translated into 11 languages and sold more than two million copies.

The Courage to Heal and The Courage to Heal Workbook paved the way for hundreds of thousands of women and men to heal from the trauma of sexual abuse. Becomi

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“Abuse manipulates and twists a child’s natural sense of trust and love. Her innocent feelings are belittled or mocked and she learns to ignore her feelings. She can’t afford to feel the full range of feelings in her body while she’s being abused—pain, outrage, hate, vengeance, confusion, arousal. So she short-circuits them and goes numb. For many children, any expression of feelings, even a single tear, is cause for more severe abuse. Again, the only recourse is to shut down. Feelings go underground.” 248 likes
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