Facing the Wind: A True Story of Tragedy and Reconciliation

by Julie Salamon

Robert and Mary Rowe’s second child, Christopher, was born with severe neurological and visual impairments. For many years, the Rowes’ courageous response to adversity set an example for other parents of children with birth defects. Then the pressures on Bob Rowe—personal and professional—took their toll, and he fell into depression and, ultimately, delusion. And one day he took a baseball bat and killed his wife and three children. Julie Salamon deftly avoids sensationalism as she tells the Rowes’ tragic story with intelligence, sympathy, and insight. Like all great literary journalism, Facing the Wind asks us to join its issues and examine our own lives and problems in the new, bright light that good writing always sheds.

Genres: True Crime, Nonfiction, Disability, Biography, Crime, Psychology, Mental Illness

320 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2001

About the author

Julie Salamon has written thirteen books in many genres, including Unlikely Friends, an Audible Original released summer 2021. Her new children's book One More Story, Tata, illustrated by Jill Weber, was published by Astra's Minerva imprint in July 2024. She is working on a nonfiction book for Ann Godoff at The Penguin Press, that involves the crisis of urban homelessness and its intersection with history. Julie's other books include New York Times bestsellers Wendy and the Lost Boys and The Christmas Tree (illustrated by Jill Weber) as well as Hospital, The Devil’s Candy, Facing the Wind , The Net of Dreams , Innocent Bystander and Rambam’s Ladder. She has written two children's books, Mutt's Promise, and Cat in the City, also illustrated by Jill Weber. Julie was a reporter and then the film critic for The Wall Street Journal and then a television critic and reporter on the staff of the New York Times. Julie is a graduate of Tufts University and New York University School of Law. She is chair of the BRC, a social services organization in New York City that provides care for people who are homeless and may suffer from addiction or mental disease.. Born in Cincinnati and raised in Seaman, Ohio, a rural town of 800; in 2008 she was inducted into the Ohio Women’s Hall of Fame. New York City has long been home; she lives in downtown Manhattan with her husband Bill Abrams, executive director of Trickle Up. They have two children, Roxie and Eli, and a dog named Frankie, most recent in a long line of feline and canine friends.

Reviews

[Rachelle Urist · Rating 2 out of 5]

TMI. (Too much information.) The story is gripping, but Salamon's approach to the telling is tedious. It made me wish for a straightforward newspaper article - one that Salamon herself could have written beautifully. She's a fine journalist (with a law degree from NYU, a detail she never includes in her book-cover bios), a thorough researcher, and a compassionate human being. But in her effort to understand this tragedy she tries to cover its every aspect. The result: much of it seems a series of digressions. In fact, she's digging deeper, but the outlay of the story, combined with way too much material lifted from the patient's chart (pure psychobabble; it's almost a parody of psychiatry), are lamentable distractions. This psychiatric material makes the legalese - also lifted from the trial records - seem fascinating, by comparison. The patient and defendant are one and the same: a charming lawyer, a man who pulled himself out of poverty to attend college and law school. He married his sweetheart, but their second child was born blind and remained mute and diapered most of his life. The parents struggled to accept this monstrous burden, and they succeeded. But the father suddenly cracked, spiraled into depression, seemed to recover, then murdered his beloved wife and their three children - with a baseball bat. The book is often cinematic. It would make a great movie. But it tries too hard to read like a novel. (She's praised as being "the perfect reporter" with "the novelist's gift.") I loved reading Salamon's book, HOSPITAL. This book would have been better served with a first-person narrative, the first-person being Salamon herself. Towards the end of the book, she muses about the group of mothers (of disabled children) who provided support for one another and who saw the protagonist's family as the ideal. Had this section appeared early in the book, I would gladly have followed her through all her digging without feeling she was digressing. But she still would have needed editing. It would still have too much dry and needless information. A less conscientious writer could be called "lazy" for not succinctly paraphrasing the chart (and court) material. With Salamon, it's probably a reflection of the challenge to understanding presented by this awful but mesmerizing story. I admire Salamon for taking on that challenge. But I wished she'd handled it differently.

[Rochelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is very disturbing but also fascinating. Unfortunately, it is totally uneven. The parts that discuss the Rowe family and the support group for mothers of disabled children are gripping. I loved reading about the different mothers and how they handled raising their children. On the other hand, the parts about Bob Rowe's battle with the legal system to get his license to practice law back after murdering his family and then going to a mental hospital for only two years are not nearly as interesting. The author wants to make us think that Bob Rowe is in a morally ambiguous situation and so she tries to paint him as sympathetically as she can--however, I never really bought into the author's attempts at a kind of objectivity ( and I don't think the author bought into her own sympathetic portrayal of Rowe either). Interesting though.

[Emily Hewitt · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have a lot of thoughts and opinions about this book and I’m not sure where to begin. This story was interesting, but I wouldn’t necessarily say that I liked the book or would recommend it to others.
1) This book was clearly very well researched and while all of the details helped me better understand Bob, Colleen, and Mary....it was just too much. I felt like a lot of sections of this book could’ve been shortened, summarized more concisely, or removed entirely.
2) The significance of the IHB mother’s’ group and allllll of the detailed information about its members wasn’t really apparent to me until the very end of the book. At the beginning of the book I didn’t understand why the author was spending SO much time talking about it. While I finally figured out why it was so essential to the story, I still think the author rambled on for too long about it.
3) It is so frustrating to me that the author did research for 2 years prior to Bob’s death and missed the opportunity to interview him. There’s no guarantee he would’ve spoken to her anyway, but i wonder how the book would’ve been different if she had interviewed him directly.
4) I think the author was trying to stay neutral but at times it felt as if she was trying to make readers feel compassion for Bob....however to me he just sounded like a narcissistic sociopath who was still way too unstable to be allowed to practice law. This was certainly an interesting story and I do wonder if any readers have finished this book with sympathy for Bob and/or Colleen.

[Coolkid97 · Rating 3 out of 5]

☆3☆
~CW: murder, abuse~

It was an interesting book, for sure. I dont regret reading it! The problems i had with it stemmed from outdated language and slurs, to the propensity of the author to try and get me to feel sympathetic for a domestic killer. I found in reading this that I don't have it in myself to forgive a man for killing his family, even if he knows its wrong and even if he regrets it. I completely resent the insinuation that a personality disorder is an acceptable reason to murder your wife and three children. I also resent the insinuation that murdering a disabled child is a justified crime. These things made the second half of this book a tough read. I thought the first half was very interesting, though it was very hard sometimes to read the thoughts these women had about their disabled children. The tagline of this book is "A true story of tragedy and reconciliation" but i don't find that quite true. You simply can't reconcile with someone you have murdered.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

What a sad story, even more so because it's true. Bob and Mary have three children, the middle of which suffers from neurologic deficits secondary to Mary contracting rubella during pregnancy. The initial portion of the story details how this family during the late 60's/early 70's manages to deal with the many obligations taking care of a disabled child, and how they do so with stamina and grace. It was particularly unusual for a man at that time to be so invested in the care of a challenged child so Bob's behavior was that of a role model. However, this is shattered when Bob has a mental breakdown complete with psychotic features and subsequently kills his wife and all three of his children, a shocking turn of events. The second half of the book deals with the aftermath of this awful event and how Bob copes with what he has done. The book is not judgemental in that it attempts to portray these events with equal depth to both sides of the situation. A bit more emphasis is on Bob's side and how he must accept his mental illness as an explantion for his actions, actions that he struggles with accepting every day following the deaths of his family. In the end, you wonder how are you supposed to feel, when a man was judged not accountable for his actions by reason of insanity which seems appropriate, until you learn that Bob eventually was allowed back into mainstream society after recovering from his illness and hospitalization of several years. Society is fickle - it wants justice for the death of these four innocent individuals but in this case, was there any justice? Should there be?

[Esme · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the story of Bob Rowe who murdered his wife and three children with a baseball bat. As I read, I wondered what separated him from a man like John List, another family annilator. Both men lied to the authorities to delay the discovery of their family's bodies. Rowe spent a couple of years in an institution for the criminally insane and then he proceeded to get on with his life, getting remarried and fathering another child. He never expressed remorse, always insisting it was the mental illness at fault not him. This book came highly recommended but I did not come away entirely satisfied. There was a lot of legal jargon and pages of doctors notes on Rowe's behavior while institutionalized that I bypassed.

The author hints at the fact that Bob Rowe might have had a controlling side, he made over both of his wives dress, also his second wife was much younger than he, and seemed rather vulnerable. I would have liked to have seen this explored more fully, but due to the limits of the author's interviews (Bob's brother for example, would not speak to her.) We didn't get to hear from anyone who might have known more about that side of Bob Rowe.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story isn't for everyone but I found it riveting.

[Donna Podrasky · Rating 4 out of 5]

This true story touches on so many issues . Special Needs family. Mental Illness. Family. Work. Ego. Society. As a special needs parent myself I see myself and my family in much of the story. But thankfully I found my Village . I thank God for the pioneers of even so little as 60 years ago. They got the ball rolling and , unfortunately, while it is no where near where it should be it is also far better than they, and their SN family member had it. Even with todays resources the journey of raising a special needs child is not without hurdles. I can only imagine the pressure and frustration they endured. I can not say I ever considered taking anyones life due to these pressures but I'd be lying if I said I can't understand it at all. We are all a product of our lives. Nature. Nurture. Circumstance. Luck. How we handle difficult situations can vary not just by the individual but also by day or time of year etc. It's easy to judge and say "Oh he's a Monster" if you have never walked a mile in his shoes.

[Joan Maclin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a fan of true crime books and this is, I suppose, about a true crime. At least, it is about a man who killed his wife and 3 children with a baseball bat and never denied it. However, the book is much more about the challenges of being parents to children with profound challenges, mostly from birth. And it also illuminates the very erratic nature of the "insanity" defense, incarceration of the mentally ill, the opportunities for rehabilitation. So it touches subjects as powerful as maternal love, the challenges we are given by God, and the experiences that bind us in the most unexpected ways. This is a worthy read -- if not a cheerful one. Well researched and beautifully narrated WITHOUT a deeper message. The facts are enough.

[Jules · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this up from a True Crime library bookshelf and was not disappointed. It's rare to find such a sensitive, caring book in this genre. There is no hint of "if it bleeds, it leads" about this story: instead, it is deeply concerned, deeply felt and meticulously contextualized. I wished I had a book club around me to analyze the moral issues raised, particularly around gendered notions of family life, disability and above all, redemption. Bob Rowe is not the focus of this book: the women and children who lived in his world are. Some of the passages lack interest, and there is a sense of wide focus in the book, as though no place to concentrate was ever selected. Nonetheless, it contributes some of the best experiences the true crime genre has to offer.

[lindz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I went into this book knowing nothing about the topic. It’s a difficult book to categorize, which might explain its average rating. Though a crime occurs, the first half primarily focuses on a group of parents raising children with various disabilities. The second half explores themes of crime and reconciliation.

This book is well-suited for readers with diverse interests. The author maintains a commendable neutrality, adopting a reporter-like stance. Unlike many true crime authors who might sensationalize the events and label individuals as "monsters," this author allows the audience to form their own opinions, presenting the facts without imposing a specific narrative. I greatly appreciate writers who trust their readers in this way.

[Christopher Febles · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. What a fascinating and unique story. It's true crime, of sorts. There are some philosophical dilemmas here that the author, thankfully, doesn't try to solve for us. Yes, there's a part about reinstatement to the bar that I don't think I needed, and perhaps that would have made it shorter. That said, I was OK with the meticulous attention to detail, though sometimes it didn't hit an enthralling tone I've read in similar works. It does feel like an awfully long newspaper article, told in that very journalistic style. But it was still a compelling read. This will leave you thinking for a while.
Goodreads: let's go to a ten-point scale!

[Suzan Flanagan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a tough book to read. I feel that I learned something from it though I’d be hard-pressed to explain exactly what that something is until I let it simmer more.
In general, I am not much of a true/crime type of reader but I’m guessing this is not a typical true crime book. There are so many rabbit holes that could be pursued…

1.) I have 3 children, if one of those children was born profoundly handicapped, how would my family’s life be different?

2.) What kind of support does our society offer those who find themselves in that situation?

3.) Did our criminal justice system fail Mary and her children?

An interesting book, but not one I would recommend.

[Joyce · Rating 3 out of 5]

An odd tale, tragic and yet redemptive. It challenges us to ponder whether someone can kill another and be truly forgiven. It also challenges us to examine what we really believe about mental illness because there is a tendency to say, yes someone is mentally ill and at the same time hold them completely responsible for their actions. This book asks some hard questions and provides no easy answers in unraveling the story of a man who loved and killed his family, was judged not guilty and was able to live out his life freely.

[Queenmangin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think the author did a very good job of laying this book out. In the very beginning it seems a little disjointed but she quickly found her flow. Towards the end of the book it is very heavy with court information and it gets a little more data heavy. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I feel the author did a good job of presenting the information. It was staggering to hear about his "escape" and the brief time he served. He definitely sounds like he never took responsibility. The wife I feel was clearly in a codependent relationship with this guy and all of this is very well Illustrated. The husband sounds like a narcissistic self-centered antisocial personality. What an unbelievable story.

[Jeannie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5*True crime novel. Fascinating read. Some hard questions are asked, to which are no easy answers. Can you forgive a man who killed his whole family because he was having a mental illness? Can you understand the woman who remarried him? Is it fair that the murderer is set free and can live out his life without treatment?
A bit tmi sometimes with too many characters to give it a higher rating for me.

[Val · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting but very sad story. Everyone has different breaking points and their are so many possible triggers in life. I liked the book but it was very hard to get through with so many technical terms and a bit too wordy. I like the outline of the book though...broken into parts.

[G · Rating 3 out of 5]

Left kind of a bad taste in my mouth, due to the main subject's (and child/wife killer's) denial to accept any kind of responsibility for his actions, even after starting a new family. With a woman young enough to be his daughter. Like I said, left a bad taste.
If I could, I'd give 2.5 stars.

[Brandi Hausman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hopefully the movie is better than the book

[Lettie Cox · Rating 3 out of 5]

As with most true crime, information overload. A forgettable book. I wouldn't recommend it.

[DD · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not what i expected. It is not a true crime murder story but its a study on the insanity defense for crimes. Interesting but I agree with the Mothers Club - don't buy it

[Cathy LaGrow · Rating 4 out of 5]

first half: 5 stars
second half: 3 stars

[Lori · Rating 3 out of 5]

Clearly, I'm generally a fiction reader. I'll cross genres and authors, ages and settings. But my heart belongs to the narrative.

My career, though, is as a journalist. So narrative journalism always intrigues me. I read a lot online, and when I run across a non-fiction tale that's written like fiction, I'm willing to give it a try.

The first third of Facing the Wind does the narrative thing very well. It's about a family, and the people close to them, with a severely disabled child. It tells their story, the stories of other families like them, and gets in an awful lot of fact (including how prosthetic eyes are made, etc.). It's the best of the news and narrative worlds.

And then the murder happens. Dad of said family kills them all to "save them." Horrifying, yes. Did I want to keep reading? Absolutely.

The next third is about what happens next to Dad, including an extended section on his fight to keep his law license. P-huh? Not the tale I signed on for, and not one she ever made me care about. He was found not guilty by reason of insanity, which I had a hard time buying anyway, and he was never sympathetic. Add in huge transcripts of his medical records, the court cases, etc., and the story gets dry and boring. Besides the fact that it stops exploring how this family lived ... and died.

Last third is his new wife facing down the first wife's friends and support group. Honestly, their relationship still baffles me, as it did the group.

There was a story I wanted more of. The writer just took the wrong path for it.

[Diana · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book makes one think very thoughtfully about the concept of "forgiveness", particularly at a societal level. It is about a terrible true event: the husband/father goes temporarily insane under the stresses of life (had a severely disabled child; his high-paying, prestigious job of which he was an acknowledged expert was no longer needed and he could not find an equivalent role). Bob Rowe murders his family and attempts to kill himself (this is one area I question; I do believe he went insane, but I am a bit dubious about his sincerity re: killing himself. He seems to have kept sanity at a self preservation level). Mr. Rowe eventually recovers his sanity and is released from psychiatric care, but he is never allowed to practice law again.
The book is well written with an objective perspective. One empathizes with the victim and the father/husband who cracked under all the pressures of his life. And it makes one question if we should/could forgive such a terrible crime when the perpetrator recovers from his illness and what is justice in this situation?

[Rae · Rating 5 out of 5]

The story of Robert and Mary Rowe, whose second child is a rubella baby...born deaf, dumb and blind with severe neurological and physical handicaps. The stress of caring for him sends Robert into a severe depression accompanied by psychotic-like delusional episodes. He kills the entire family...wife and three children...with a baseball bat. He then attempts to kill himself.

At trial, he is acquitted, receives treatment and eventually returns to normalcy. He tries to pick up the pieces and move on with his life...even remarries. The big question is whether such a thing should even be permissible after one has committed such a heinous crime against humanity. The author attempts to look at all the angles. Do we allow those who have committed serious crimes to repent and rehabilitate? Do we grant them forgiveness and allow them back into society? Or do we continue to punish them? And what of the issue of mental illness? These are pertinent and difficult questions.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

A truly heartwarming and horrific story of the struggles of mothers and families with children born with a physical or mental handicap or disability. Some of the children that are discussed truly break your heart. The father that is mainly discussed in the story - is the main purpose behind this story I believe. Mainly to show how such stress is related to dealing with these difficulties and what can trigger tragic events. They don't say in this story if the women involved with the story were the leaders in the whole movement for ADA and such, but I want to believe from the timeframe of these events that they were. They may have been the ones that paved the roads for what children with disabilities and their families now have available to them today. There are few parts that get a little technical with psycologists, medical and legal information and you get a little lost with some but over all a very moving story.

[Gerry Durisin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Salamon tells an incredible true story of a family -- a mother and three children -- killed by the father, who apparently suffered a breakdown under the stress of caring for their severely handicapped son, Christopher, and the financial and other pressures related to his loss of his job. The first part of the book, focusing on the Rowe family and their lives before and after Christopher’s birth, was beautifully written and resonated with memories of my own. The latter half, focusing on Bob Rowe’s effort to rebuild his life after he was found not guilty by reason of insanity, was less effective somehow, possibly because the author was no more able to understand this man’s feelings, reactions, and motivations any more than I can. Regardless of what we might think we understand about mental illness, it’s hard not to think of this man as evil, and of his survival as somehow unfair.

[Jeremy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is your typical boy meets girl, boy and girl raise family, boy kills everyone in the house with a baseball bat and successfully pleads insanity story. I avoided the true crime genre for some time, suspecting (correctly) that I'd enjoy it a little too much, but if you can handle it, this is very well done, readable without being hacky or trashy. The epilogue (consisting of the author's rather uncomfortable luncheon with members of the parental support group the ill-fated family in question once belonged to) is particularly compelling. Your stomach will turn, but hey, so will the pages.

[Catherine Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story of a man who had everything, a loving wife, three kids, and a good job. But, he lost his job and took over the day to day care of his disabled son and was overcome by severe depression and, in a fit of psychotic depression, killed his family but was unable to complete his own suicide. This is a fascinating look at the background of this man’s life, particularly life surrounding his disabled son, the situation surrounding the killing and the aftermath, and his attempt to put his life back together after he got out of the mental hospital. The book was really pretty good, but the narration got rather sing-songy. (Audio)

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Finishing this I feel a little cheated somehow I'm not at all sure who Robert Rowe was or why he did such a horrific thing, actually much like the mothers in the group I can understand the why what I find hard to comprehend is how he carried on afterwards which makes me doubtful of his story and reasoning. Apart from that I found interesting the information on infant blindness and the tremendous impact incubators originally had on it, this is something I had never heard before and I found the numbers astounding and tragic. Overall an interesting and captivating story that could be straight out of a crime drama on tv