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Anatomy of an Affair: How Affairs, Attractions, and Addictions Develop, and How to Guard Your Marriage Against Them

3.87  ·  Rating details ·  152 ratings  ·  25 reviews

When it comes to adultery, never say, “It won’t happen to me.”

Just when you think your marriage is safe from adultery is when you may be the most vulnerable.

With eye-opening stories, clinical insights, and up-to-date data, Dave Carder reveals what adulterers learned the hard way—and what they want the rest of us to know to save us the pain.

Dave Carder

Kindle Edition, 192 pages
Published September 5th 2017 by Moody Publishers (first published April 1st 2008)
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Average rating 3.87  · 
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 ·  152 ratings  ·  25 reviews

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Sep 07, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: arcs, 2017, forgiveness
To get a bit more personal than I'd like, my family has suffered from infidelity in the past. So when I saw Anatomy of an Affair I was interested to see what safeguards it could offer as advice to establish in my own marriage to prevent infidelity. Because of the past, going through this with my spouse is one of my biggest fears, and that isn't because I don't trust him. It's because I've seen first hand how little things add up over time and how people you would never expect can succumb. So if ...more
Joshua Rodenbeck
This is a very helpful yet gut-wrenching book. There is a lot of information for married couples to be aware of and it's packed with real-life scenario's that help the reader step into the pain that an affair brings to the table. I think what this book lacks, however, and what it could have seriously benefited from is a simple reminder about what the purpose of marriage is. The book appears to be coming from a Christian perspective, and every once and a while a scripture reference is tossed in, ...more
Betsy Solorio
Dec 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I had two friends recently recommend this book. It was different, but better, than I had anticipated.

Carder points out that we are living in a sex-saturated culture full of hurting people that are looking for love and belonging. He says every single person is either at risk for a close call/affair, or they are in denial.

I was expecting a book that would explain why people have affairs, but this is more of a practical breakdown, with the focus being on self reflection. At the end of each chapte
Jun 09, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Good information! A must read for anyone in a situation like this.
Thanks to Netgalley and publisher for the chance to read this book.
While I got the book for free, it had no bearing on the rating I gave it.
Jaime Morse
Sep 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Helpful though, I could have gone without the Christian theme.
Aug 14, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book provides an excellent analysis of the factors that contribute to affairs and strategies for strengthening marriages. I like how he distinguished a close call from an affair. Very useful information. Thinking of buying to share with others.
Oct 07, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I think this book could be extremely helpful to those people who are concerned about a possible affair. It actually should be mandatory reading for all couples. This book opened my eyes to areas of weakness for me that I never really saw before. I never knew I had a “trigger” type that could make me fall but after reading this I see it now.
It really can be such a slow fade, people might not even know they are walking a fine line. I am really good at spotting it in other people, funny that I miss
Jc Link
Jun 22, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Highly recommend

A must read for any couple no matter where they are in their relationship. It contains helpful guidance on how to avoid infidelity while helping those who have suffered the pain of an affair understand the factors that lead to it.
No matter where you are in the relationship spectrum be prepared to engage in a lot of self reflection. While you need to consider your partner when reading, keep in mind that you cannot force change on another. Read this with a focus on what you can d
Kyle Robertson
Jun 26, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This is a revised edition of Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know About Protecting Your Marriage by Dave Carder (©2008). I found this book to be full of useful information and practical advice. The author helps you identify warning signs and triggers and close calls in your marriage and personal life. He gives you the tools to help you be more alert to potential marital disaster and help strengthen your marriage.

Complacency and comfortability can lead down the slippery slope of moral in
Jan 28, 2020 rated it liked it
Shelves: review-books
Anatomy of an Affair is an intense, thoughtful and eye-opening read. I have been with my partner nearly a decade and this book succeeded in teaching us a lot about each other, our thoughts and our feelings. Specifically, page 129-131 has a list of roles, values, responsibilities, etc. that provided an extraordinary aid in breaking down our marriage/household tasks. It facilitated a great conversation that then led into discussing several other topics within.

Author, Dave Carder, does a thorough
Dec 30, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book was written by someone who is specialized in counseling people in marriages that are walking through sexual temptation and infidelity. The material is hard because alot of the people he's worked with didn't have their happy endings. This book, as the cover suggests, is a warning. It teaches you how to detect those ***danger ahead*** signs, how discover your specific and unique vulnerabilities from childhood relationships, coping mechanisms, marriage tension, and seasonal difficulties. ...more
Robert Murphy
Dec 11, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: kindle, own, marriage
Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know About Protecting Your Marriage by David Carder is a fantastic book about what affairs someone might be prone towards, what is a danger marriage, and what is a healthy marriage. There are ten chapters, each very focused on a small piece of the big picture. Knowing which chapter is about what will enable one to return to the book later with maximum effectiveness. Ideally, all the exercises should be completed with one’s spouse.
Chapter 1 contains the Da
Elena Fryer
Nov 05, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: nonfiction, self-help
Must Read

This book is a great choice for anyone who is married or in a long term relationship. It is as much about "close call" relationships as actually affairs. As you read through the situations you can see how something that starts innocently enough can go too far really quickly.
Kelsie Oreta
Jul 03, 2019 rated it liked it
Sometimes postpartum looks like assuming the worst about the people around you, and you find yourself thinking you need to read this book.

It was informative and I do think many people will find it helpful. It dredged on quite a bit and took a while to get to the point.
Daniel Wilson
Oct 02, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Well thought out

This book is excellent for new and old couples regardless of whether they are experiencing an issue or not. Truly helpful.
Dec 14, 2017 rated it liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
This was practical and insightful.
Brett Barnes
Aug 10, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: seminary
Sobering and very helpful
May 02, 2018 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: junk
Even if there is no sign to worry, do give him money. You never know. So much for god's will!
May 02, 2018 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: junk
I still find amazing how a two thousand year old custom of owning women like cattle leads to so much energy and money spent.
Apr 13, 2012 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I saw a book review for this and thought the concept was very interesting. I know that no one is immune from having an affair--and the author provides an almost formulaic way to safeguard your marriage from both sexual and emotional affairs. I appreciate that the book is intended to be read with your spouse and to initiate uncomfortably vulnerable discussions that result in greater intimacy with each other. The chapters are filled with charts that force the reader to interact with the material o ...more
Mar 04, 2018 rated it really liked it
Carder organizes his book into three sections: risks brought about by people we know and interact with, risks resulting from our own interior history as well as that of our primary relationship, and a final more upbeat sections that discusses making the primary relationship more safe and satisfying. Because we have unique likes, dislikes, traumas, deficits in our current relationship, and histories, what we find sexually attractive - and therefore who would fit our Dangerous Partner Profile, one ...more
Apr 18, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Written by a marriage counselor, "Close Calls" is full of information to help couples avoid traps and pitfalls that could lead one or both partners into an affair. Even a good marriage can be vulnerable in times of stress and the book helps couples identify dangerous situations.

This would be a great resource for couples who want to strengthen their marriage as well a couples who are struggling. Helpful to marriage counselors, pastors, marriage mentors, and divorce recovery leaders

Nov 03, 2011 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: marriage
I was very disappointed with the lack of interaction with Scripture in this book. There was a lot of scriptural ideas and principles that could have been easily incorporated. There were some helpful ideas, but the book could have easily been written by a non-Chrisitan. The problem is that his book is listed as a "Christian living" book by the publisher.
Esther Weston
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Jan 17, 2019
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Mar 19, 2018
rated it it was ok
Nov 13, 2015
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Jul 19, 2019
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Jan 29, 2009
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Aug 13, 2018
Abraham Bendayan
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Nov 18, 2019
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Dave Carder serves as pastor of counseling ministries at First Evangelical Free Church in Fullerton, California. His specialty is adultery recovery and prevention, for which he has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Network, Discovery Health, and The Learning Channel; done training for the US Army and Navy; and made multiple tapings for The Tony Robbins Passion Project, Marriage Uncensored, 100 Huntley ...more

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