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This Will Be My Undoing: Living at the Intersection of Black, Female, and Feminist in (White) America

Morgan Jerkins (Goodreads Author)

4.01 · Rating details · 4,026 ratings · 632 reviews

From one of the fiercest critics writing today, Morgan Jerkins’ highly-anticipated collection of linked essays interweaves her incisive commentary on pop culture, feminism, black history, misogyny, and racism with her own experiences to confront the very real challenges of being a black woman today—perfect for fans of Roxane Gay’s Bad Feminist, Rebecca Solnit’s Men Explain ...more

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Paperback, 258 pages

Published January 30th 2018 by Harper Perennial

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Aug 27, 2017 Roxane rated it it was amazing

In Morgan Jerkins’s remarkable debut essay collection This Will Be Our Undoing, she is a deft cartographer of black girlhood and womanhood. From one essay to the next, Jerkins weaves the personal with the public and political in compelling, challenging ways. Her prodigious intellect and curiosity are on full display throughout this outstanding collection. The last line of the book reads, “You should’ve known I was coming,” and indeed, in this, too, Jerkins is prescient. With this collection, she ...more

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Feb 01, 2018 Gabriella rated it did not like it

Shelves: memoir, bhm-18-challenge, 2018-reads, essay-collections

Wow...I think my main question about Morgan Jerkins' debut is similar to many on my timeline—what book were the rest of y'all reading?

My first introduction to Jerkins was her black gentrifier essay, which I read in my freshman year at Penn. As a student attending a university responsible for many of our city's gentrification problems, I found the article to be introspective in a way many pieces aren't. Instead of scapegoating faceless institutions or white hipsters, Jerkins put her own privilege Wow...I think my main question about Morgan Jerkins' debut is similar to many on my timeline—what book were the rest of y'all reading?

My first introduction to Jerkins was her black gentrifier essay, which I read in my freshman year at Penn. As a student attending a university responsible for many of our city's gentrification problems, I found the article to be introspective in a way many pieces aren't. Instead of scapegoating faceless institutions or white hipsters, Jerkins put her own privilege and complicity on the table.

I think she tries to do the same in This Will Be My Undoing, but often fails miserably. Many Twitter readers were reasonably distressed by Jerkins' musings about her darker, lower-income black classmate, which, amongst other belated comebacks to her high school bullies (if we're calling them that), included a police violence fantasy. These are very upsetting, especially coming from an author desperately seeking to prove that she supports and stands for black women.

It's not my place to gauge how much Morgan Jerkins loves black women, but from what I read, she seems to do so in an abstract, self-indulgent fashion that allows her to make a living (see: this book deal) opining about our pain and celebrating idyllic, trite, Blavity-esque notions of "black girl magic" while she remains uncomfortable with real-life black women who are louder, darker, and less helpful than she'd like them to be.

As someone who is similarly classed, churched, and complexioned, I admittedly understand where she's coming from. Many of the aggressions our people (light, Evangelical, well-to-do black folk) perpetuate are ingrained into our familial, communal, and religious experiences, so I personally wasn't surprised by Jerkins' hostility and superiority towards her non-AP track classmates. I'd hoped this book would attempt to unpack these emotions, since I'm sure I could check my own privilege from such a reflection. Instead, she writes off her harmful opinions about other black women as growing pains on her journey to "#blackgirlmagic." A stronger writer would’ve spent more time mining her personal experience of black girlhood, instead of presuming to speak on behalf of those she consistently deems below her.

All of this mess would still warrant a 2-star review from me. After all, I found many conceptual problems with Naima Coster's debut, but at least Halsey Street had some stylistic merit. The other thing no one's really mentioning is the writing itself, which could've used some serious help—her list essays seem gimmicky, her tone is off-putting (especially in the cringe-worthy second-person moments), and her thought process is often jumbled (see my update at the 63% mark.) Honestly, if she'd taken more time to think about her ideas, assess the impact of her words, and solicit more honest editors, we likely wouldn't be having this conversation.

In This Will Be My Undoing, Morgan Jerkins attempts to be unrestrained, and instead comes off as undisciplined in both her politics and her craft. I don't believe in cancelling people from one mistake, and really want to see how she addresses the pushback, but won't be rushing to read her future work. ...more

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Aug 23, 2017 Jessica Woodbury rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir, arc, authors-of-color, nonfiction, best-2018-arcs

I read a lot of books by women of color, and specifically black women. But I think THIS WILL BE MY UNDOING may be the single book that has most clearly showed me the experience of being a young black woman in America today. I am a white woman and I think part of the reason Jerkins succeeds so wildly is that she is not centering her book around readers like me. Much of what we encounter in the world centers on a default white audience. The fact that this book isn't "for me" is exactly why it work ...more

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Jan 10, 2018 Emily May rated it liked it

Shelves: mma-2018, nonfiction, 2018, feminism

I call myself black because that is who I am. Blackness is a label that I do not have a choice in rejecting as long as systemic barriers exist in this country. But also, my blackness is an honor, and as long as I continue to live, I will always esteem it as such.

This Will Be My Undoing is a fantastic portrait of one woman's experience with black girlhood. Jerkins explores through essays what it was like growing up as a black girl with racial divisions in school, white beauty standards, and rac ...more

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Feb 04, 2018 Thomas rated it really liked it

Shelves: own-physical, feminism, nonfiction, biography-or-memoir

A compelling essay collection that tackles the intersections of womanhood, blackness, and feminism. I would recommend This Will Be My Undoing to everyone - Jerkins centers black women in her writing so that demographic may find a home in her work, and the rest of us can listen and learn. Weaving the personal and political, she writes about how black women's bodies are viewed and treated as sexual objects, the ways that white women can do things like abuse drugs and share all the details and be r ...more

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Feb 21, 2018 Hannah rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobook, memoir, non-fiction

I have slightly confused thoughts about this: I thought it was important, well-written, super interesting but at some points not always convincing. I listened to the audiobook read by the author and can only recommend this. You can tell how her confidence in her voice increases and how self-confident she reads her book in the end. I loved that.

I adore how Morgan Jerkins does not write for a white reader but rather other black women. As such it worked wonderfully as an insightful glimpse into a w ...more

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Jul 05, 2019 Jenna rated it really liked it

Shelves: memoir-biography, race, feminism

I am not going to critique this book because it was not written with me, a white woman, as the intended audience. Suffice to say, I mostly enjoyed it and am thankful for another book by a Black feminist to inform me about the particular struggles faced by Black women. Morgan Jerkins is an author whose voice we desperately need to hear and she writes honestly, eloquently, and with much insight into her experiences of being a Black woman in a white supremacist and patriarchal country. ...more

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Feb 18, 2019 Whitney Atkinson rated it it was amazing

Shelves: feminism, read-in-2019, memoir

4.5 stars

TW: bullying, racism, mentions of rape/assault

This is the first collection of feminist essays I've read that's specifically focused on black women's experiences and how their experiences are distinguished from the general movement of feminism. And I loved it. This book was never info dumpy; it actually was quite anecdotal and would discuss a lot of the author's life and personal experiences and then transition from that storytelling format to a discussion of black women and prejudices a ...more

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Apr 02, 2018 Trish rated it liked it

Shelves: family, essays, totally-unexpected, america, memoir, race, criticism, nonfiction, sexuality

Morgan Jerkins is in a hurry to become a well known writer and she is trying to get our attention in any way she knows how—jump-starting her celebrity by being polarizing. She is young still, twenty-five now. I predict she will recognize her own sense of entitlement when she is a little older. But it is awfully hard to dislike someone so articulate and eager to participate in the big questions we face today. At least we know what she is thinking.

The more I read by and about black women, the more ...more

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Mar 06, 2018 Cynthia rated it it was ok

There are fragments of gems here. When Jerkins is good, she’s stellar. The best essay was “Human, Not Black,” about her time studying abroad in Japan and finding anonymity and freedom as a foreigner. But much of the rest is either a disorganized mess, frustratingly superficial, or overly dramatic. Jerkins is obviously a talented writer, but she lacks the maturity and wisdom to really grapple effectively with the issues she raises. I was also surprised by the amount of thinly veiled disdain for b ...more

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Mar 04, 2018 Jenny (Reading Envy) rated it really liked it

Shelves: read2018, biography-memoir, essays, audiobook, hoopla

An important read focused on the black, female, feminist experience. What I appreciated was how Morgan Jerkins takes another look at events that have already had their 15 minutes, contextualizing them in ways I appreciated learning from, from Linda Chavers' much contested essay about black-girl-magic (and how disability fits in) to Beyonce and Lemonade. She talks about the importance of having a voice in a world that tries to stop it from the moment you are born, and the importance of self-care. ...more

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Feb 02, 2018 Chanda Prescod-weinstein rated it it was ok

Chapter 9 is great. There are some good threads elsewhere. There is some really problematic writing about Black women in here that literally made me feel that awful feeling in my chest. I wish Morgan had been pushed more to work on her prose here — but more, to work on what she was saying, about whom, and why. I am so confused about why Black women are so heavily targeted and why there are thinly veiled attacks on well-known Black women writers. She also speaks in general terms about Black mothe ...more

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Mar 02, 2018 Christine rated it liked it

Shelves: feminist, poc-on-cover, women-writers, poc-author-artist, mybookbox, race-issues

Feb 2018 My Book Box Non-fiction pick.

Disclaimer: I am a white woman. Additionally, I teach students who come from the same places in New Jersey that Jerkins cites in this book. I am trying not to center myself in the narrative, but the first paragraph of the review is in part a gut reaction, so please bear with me.

I am conflicted about this book. The thing that Jerkins does and does is generalize. These sweeping generalizations are off putting. I’m not even talking about the whole voting for Tr Feb 2018 My Book Box Non-fiction pick.

Disclaimer: I am a white woman. Additionally, I teach students who come from the same places in New Jersey that Jerkins cites in this book. I am trying not to center myself in the narrative, but the first paragraph of the review is in part a gut reaction, so please bear with me.

I am conflicted about this book. The thing that Jerkins does and does is generalize. These sweeping generalizations are off putting. I’m not even talking about the whole voting for Trump thing. A high percentage of white woman voted for Trump, and these are the women she speaks about there (the grammar backs this up, so if someone is complaining about that, that's misguided to put it nicely). No, I’m talking about like in her discussion of the French film Girlhood. I remember the discussion and reaction to that movie. While Jerkins' take on the film is overall interesting, she makes it sound like Black women all across the global are exactly alike. Look, I’m not a black woman, so maybe, for all I know, this is true. But I would imagine that recent immigrants to France who come from Africa also have a whole set of issues that are not related to being slaves in America – connected to the slave trade and colonialism, yes - and are different than an African-American woman from whereever USA. She does the same when she talks about white girls at her school, and how they never had to deal with being assaulted, harassed or molested sexually because their whiteness protected them. In fact, the one time she does mention harassment towards a woman who at the very least presents as white, she is almost dismissive of it. I’m not disregarding or ignorant to misogynoir that exists, and it is far easier to be female and white. However, I teach students (white, black, Asian, and Native American, some of whom present white, so I doubt another sweeping generalization Jerkins makes), and I know that the number of all-female students who have been sexually molested or harassed (or raped) by their lower and secondary school’s peers (as I have been) is great. In fact, it is a rarity to have a class where a female student hasn’t been (and the classes have far more ladies than gentlemen). I found the dismissal and generalization hard, perhaps cruel.

But that’s the point isn’t it? The world has been belittling or simply out right ignoring the pain of black women and girls for hundreds of years. This is what Jerkins is talking about. She’s showing the reader here a bit of it, whether Jenkins intended to do so or not.

What’s the term? Checking my privilege? Humbling?

It’s why I am conflicted about this book. Feminism should be intersectional. To be so, we need to listen to everyone, talk, and listen without judgement or hackle raising. We need to listen and need to have voices like Jerkins’. In many ways, I think Twitter and Facebook have made the knee jerk reaction easier and far more dangerous. True conversation means listening to unpleasant and hard truths (whether an individual’s truth or the truth – is there even THE Truth?). Whatever I think about what Jerkins is saying, I have no doubt that she is speaking her truth and should be listened to because her experience is just as valuable and important as mine, as yours, as Clinton’s, as even Ivanka’s (yeah, I know, me too).

This doesn’t mean that I am blind to the book’s faults. Jerkins does go off on some strange digressions. She wanders at points, and her progression in some of the essays could be far, far tighter. I’m also reading Gabrielle Union’s We’re Going to Need More Wine, and Union does consistently what I wish Jerkins had done more – introspection. For instance, when Jerkins is relating about her watching of porn, there are so many other themes that could have been touched on – to porn actors connection to abuse, to a society that is designed to make one group of women take joy in the degradation of another (I have no doubt that there are nonblack women who watch/watched the same material that Jerkins did, just different races). I found myself thinking how Union, Gay, or Robinson might have done better. In some of the essays, this lack of connection or whatever, makes the essay weaker and digressions more annoying.

Yet, at least half the essays are stand outs. Her “How to Be Docile” and “How to Survive” should be in every composition and woman’s studies class. Period. They are that good furthermore. Furthermore, her “The Stranger at the Carnival” is just, quite frankly, a masterpiece. Two sections of Malcolm X’s Autobiography tend to appear in composition readers – his learning to read in prison and his first conk. Usually the conk selection is paired with Gates’ essay about his mother’s kitchen and the importance of the kitchen in the family. But after reading Jerkins’, her essay should be paired with it because not only is hers a more recent presentation of the issue, but because she is a woman and raises other points. Quite frankly, it is even better than Phoebe Robinson’s You Can’t Touch My Hair.

Conflicted about this book I might be, but I am glad I read it. You should read it too. You need to read it. ...more

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Mar 31, 2018 LeeTravelGoddess rated it did not like it

I AM NOT ROOTING FOR EVERYBODY BLACK. This book is horrible, confusing at best. There is no flow and just when I hoped that she would win, SHE DOESN’T. Where is she undone exactly?? There comes a time in ones life where you must take off the expectations/impressions of others and wear your own. She is HAUNTED by her mother’s words, the love that she feels she deserved but never stuck her neck out for— at least that is what i perceived from her words. I am no brighter from this book nor am I will ...more

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Feb 14, 2018 Obsidian rated it really liked it

Shelves: favorites

Sigh. I don't know what to say. This collection of essays is very good. Jerkins goes into the highs and lows of being a black woman in America. She goes into what it means to be a black woman while on travel (Russia and Japan). She goes into being a black woman trying to be successful, but still treated like she's from another world since many black men out there don't know what to do with a black woman who is out there being a success and doesn't have time for their foolishness.

Jerkins goes in Sigh. I don't know what to say. This collection of essays is very good. Jerkins goes into the highs and lows of being a black woman in America. She goes into what it means to be a black woman while on travel (Russia and Japan). She goes into being a black woman trying to be successful, but still treated like she's from another world since many black men out there don't know what to do with a black woman who is out there being a success and doesn't have time for their foolishness.

Jerkins goes into the cycles of black women in America. When you are just a kid and realize that your hair is going to take a lot of your time/sanity to deal with since you get treated a certain way if your nice is "ethnic." How she felt being one of the smartest girls in her school and how that caused backlash among other black girls.

From there she goes into going to Princeton college and finding herself un-dateable. I had the opposite problem when I went to the University of Pittsburgh. I just used to lie and tell people I was in a relationship to be left alone. I was focused on finishing undergraduate and that was it. When I did get into graduate school was when I went and found a dude who wasn't worth anything. I am still mad that I loaned this boy (seriously he was such a child) money and he had the nerve to act like I was not being a "good" black woman since I refused to cook for him after coming home from an internship and classes. A few years ago he sent me a Facebook friend request. I was never so happy to block someone in my life.

A lot of Jerkins essays though go in unexpected ways. Her essay about Michelle Obama actually made me sad and mad. I still cannot believe how much Michelle Obama was attacked by the media and conservatives out there. I don't blame her for not running for office in 2020. I would be sitting on a beach and just drinking all the wine.

Another essay I loved was the one Jerkins wrote about how powerful Beyonce is to black women out there and how her latest album, Lemonade, touched a lot of us in many ways. You start to think you are the only one out there struggling with things, because as black women we are taught to keep our pain inside. Keep on walking, stay strong, don't ask for help, etc. Constantly being on guard to make sure you speak "right" around mixed groups, to not be the "angry black woman" so people can dismiss your points is exhausting as hell.

Though I gave this four stars, I still marked it as a favorite. The only reason why I gave this four stars is that in some of the essays, Jerkins jumps around a lot that can get a bit confusing if you don't have context for some of the things she is talking about. Though I liked her essay on "Black Girl Magic" she goes into what the movement was about, how some people attacked it, and then a personal subject about a medical procedure she decided to undergo. It was a bit crowded in there for me in that chapter. I would have liked it if it was broken up.

I also just liked the "How to Survive: A Manifesto on Paranoia and Peace" was not for me. I liked "How to be Docile" much better since she uses similar writing styles in both essays.

I have never heard of Jerkins before, but am going to go out and take a look at some of her writing as soon as possible. ...more

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Feb 02, 2018 MissFabularian added it · review of another edition

Shelves: february-2018-challenge

Welp...I now know more about Morgan Jerkin's vagina than I do my own...If you'd like to read the rest of this review and see Elle Fashion's book trailer for this book CLICK HERE.

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Dec 13, 2017 Rebel Women Lit added it

Shelves: arcs

Thank you to Harper Perennial for an advanced readers copy of "This Will Be My Undoing" in exchange for an honest review.

Now more than ever, owing to social media and online publications, black women are at the center of discourse; both as subject matter and narrator. "This Will Be My Undoing" sees Morgan Jerkins, a young black woman, interlacing her personal experiences with historical and modern sources to underscore black girlhood and womanhood against the white backdrop of America. With her Thank you to Harper Perennial for an advanced readers copy of "This Will Be My Undoing" in exchange for an honest review.

Now more than ever, owing to social media and online publications, black women are at the center of discourse; both as subject matter and narrator. "This Will Be My Undoing" sees Morgan Jerkins, a young black woman, interlacing her personal experiences with historical and modern sources to underscore black girlhood and womanhood against the white backdrop of America. With her unmistakable intellect, Morgan carries us across the landscape of black female existence. From the stripping of young black girls' childhood innocence and black women's centuries of emotional labour to they're daily fight for autonomy over their physical bodies. Through the lenses of her own experience navigating predominantly white spaces, Morgan displays the full gamut of systemic, emotional, social and generational issues that black women face.

What was most appreciated about "This Will Be My Undoing" was the fact that the exploration of black womanhood did not stop at the burdens that black women face every time they meet a new day. What was alarmingly clear, especially in the final chapters of this memoir-esque essay collection, was her humanisation of black women. They feel love, pain, grief joy and happiness. They have hopes, dreams, aspirations and create art. Morgan's emphasis on celebrating ourselves as an inherent act of resistance was a necessary punctuation to this collection. #BlackGirlMagic

Equally appreciated is how relatable and understandable this book is. Because Morgan's writing is descriptive and enlists the use of literary devices, it removes a barrier that academic writing often erects. It gives access to the understanding of complex systems of oppression to persons who academia sometimes neglect and, for that reason, we would recommend this collection to persons who are new to black feminism, who desire a fundamental understanding of its tenets.

"This Will Be My Undoing" will make waves and so will Morgan. #RebelWomenLit

- Kristina Neil ...more

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Apr 24, 2018 Ella rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: book-club, usa, essays-memoir-biography-etc, ebooks, black-in-the-usa, nonfiction, gender-issues-all-types, 2018-read, women-write, race-class-relig-gender

I had a hard time with this book of essays, and I know this is an unpopular view. (Though I don't understand how books get the high grades they get on GR usually.) I have held off on mentioning anything because my viewpoint seemed so different, but I finally got together with my Black Women Read group - an in person one - tonight, and we all had very very similar reactions. We are black women living in Baltimore who are all over 45. Many of us are well over 45.

We decided, as a group, once someon I had a hard time with this book of essays, and I know this is an unpopular view. (Though I don't understand how books get the high grades they get on GR usually.) I have held off on mentioning anything because my viewpoint seemed so different, but I finally got together with my Black Women Read group - an in person one - tonight, and we all had very very similar reactions. We are black women living in Baltimore who are all over 45. Many of us are well over 45.

We decided, as a group, once someone finally broke the ice, that this book bothered us because it worried us about younger black women and women in general. Where, we wondered, did all the work my generation, the generations preceding and following mine, go? Why is this young woman so scared, confused and unprepared for real life? We were - to a person - astonished at Jerkins' unpreparedness, and we all felt like our own struggles (and classes, and groups, and sit-ins and marches) were rather worthless if this is the state of young black women in 2018.

I don't usually share my kindle notes and highlights with anyone because I tend to be blunt and I type even worse on a kindle "keyboard" than I do a real one. When reading them, though, I noticed how often my reaction was "really? still? in 2018?"

Even more, I want to go back and reread Roxane Gay's Bad Feminist because I kept thinking of it while reading this. I wanted this book to have a conversation with Roxane Gay's book. the women are different in many ways, but the way they handle life in their essays seems almost at direct odds sometimes, and well, I guess I feel more inclined to see the gray areas, and this book is very right/wrong, yes/no, good/bad, evil/perfect. Everyone feels that way sometimes, but this is supposed to be a book of thoughtful essays, which seems like it should be different from when I have a bad day and call up my girls to bitch.

While I would never say anyone's pain is not warranted or allowed, some of Jerkins' pain seems to be a direct result of fanciful dreams and unrealistic expectations combined with a strict religious upbringing and parents who say things like speaking to an older man is how you get raped and addicted to heroin. So, she's angry - and she has a right to be. But perhaps some of her anger might be pointed at the people who underprepared her for everything from her sexuality to dating to her clear intellect rather than racial or gender animus.

There is a scene early on where she gets verbally abused by a man in a deli. Instead of walking out, clapping back or a variety of other reactions, Jerkins stays quiet and terrified. I, too, was a light-skinned woman living alone in Harlem once, during the 1980s. New York as a whole wasn't as gentrified back then, and crossing 110th was something my white friends didn't do often. I rented a room, lived on like $25 a week after rent/subway tokens and lost a lot of weight from all the walking I did - no matter the time of day or night. Needless to say, similar events happened frequently to every woman of every race I knew, and they still do (though hopefully a tad less often.)

I, too, stayed quiet at first. Though eventually I came around to the realization that "this has got to change." I knew women should be safer riding the subway or walking the city. I worked hard to impart that knowledge to younger women, to take - then teach - self-defense, to roleplay situations exactly like this one so younger women would have tools other than fear and acquiescence. I certainly don't think this should be something we're all just satisfied with, but I also don't think staying quiet and sweet while being abused (instead of, say, walking the F out of there - sandwich or no) then coming home to call friends and play the victim is the "right" answer either.

There is an assumption between many lines that Jerkins (with her dreams of marriage by 22, college as husband-finding-factory, strong intellect, individual voice and humanness of many facets - like everyone) has nothing to do with the outcomes she receives. That is, perhaps, the blindness of youth. But if youth is blind, then maybe it shouldn't assume that everyone's situation is exactly the same or that everyone else is the problem. ...more

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Nov 18, 2018 Sarah Lumos rated it really liked it

Shelves: adult, memoir, read-2018, made-me-think-about-life, powerful, quick-reads, audio-books, non-fiction, politics, history

“I was never taught that the world would nurture me, so I perfected the ways of hiding.”

I feel a bit conflicted about this book. The topics discussed in it are so important, but I did have a few minor issues with it. I listened to the audiobook version of this and it was narrated by Jerkins herself. If you can, I would recommend listening to the audio. I always find it makes memoirs a special experience if you can hear it in the author's own voice.

This book is a collection of essays connectin “I was never taught that the world would nurture me, so I perfected the ways of hiding.”

I feel a bit conflicted about this book. The topics discussed in it are so important, but I did have a few minor issues with it. I listened to the audiobook version of this and it was narrated by Jerkins herself. If you can, I would recommend listening to the audio. I always find it makes memoirs a special experience if you can hear it in the author's own voice.

This book is a collection of essays connecting blackness, womanhood, feminism, and pop culture. What I respect most about Jerkins is her honesty. Writers like her are important because they further our understanding of social inequality. In order to progress, we need all voices to be heard. From people who are both different and similar to us. We need to have compassion and empathy for others. And without having these real and often uncomfortable conversations, genuine progress cannot be made.

I appreciate the rawness of this book. Jerkins’s bares her emotions and thoughts onto these pages. She is unrestraint. She does not sugarcoat what she went through. She writes with power, conviction, and affirmation. Her essays about sexuality, racial division in schools, and colourism made me uncomfortable, but these are important things to talk about. They reflect how Jerkins felt as a black woman growing up in America.

As an Asian woman, I found a lot of what Jerkins’s said to be relatable. When you google Jerkins, you will see a beautiful woman staring back at you, and it saddened me to read about her struggles with not feeling good enough because she was not white. It reflected how I used to feel about my facial features, body type, and skin colour. She also talks about black hair - its history, its portrayal, and what it means to black woman. I think this was one of my favourite parts of the book.

However, there were a lot of things in this book that were my cup of joe. Jerkins is still very young - only 25, and she is undoubtedly a talented writer who will only continue to grow as she hones in on her craft. I am 21, and I was in awe while I was reading this at how well-spoken she was.

However, I do think she makes a lot of generalizations without taking the time to deconstruct them. Given what Jerkins is trying to accomplish by writing this book, I found this confusing. I wish she was a bit more introspective when she spoke about certain issues. For example, she puts all white women in a box. She describes them as being beautiful, thin, athletic, and sheltered. Without acknowledging that there are white women who are disabled, poor, uneducated, and overweight.

Also, when she talks about her high school experience, she recalls looking down on her black
classmates who were darker, lower-income, louder, and not in advanced placement classes. She tries to make herself feel better by differentiating herself from them. She looks down on them. I know Jerkins wrote this from the perspective of her teenage self. I know as a teenager, you can sometimes be inside your own little bubble without taking into account other people's experiences.

But Jerkins is not a teenager anymore. She has grown, gone onto an ivy league school, worked and lived in different cities. Instead of just stating her experiences, I wish she took the time to reflect upon them more. I would have liked to see how her opinions have changed and matured since she was in high school.

Nonetheless, as a non-black reader, this book offered me a valuable insight into what Jerkins went through as a black woman. And as an Asian woman, I found myself connecting with what she wrote on so many levels. Our struggles might have been different, but they do share common themes. Like others have said, a lot of this book could have been improved if she had editors who gave her better constructive criticism. I still admire Jerkins. And I admire her strength for writing this book because I know it could not have been easy speaking her truth. I look forward to reading what she puts out in the future. ...more

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Apr 09, 2018 Charlotte (charandbooks) added it

Shelves: black-authors-read

I'm DNFing this book after the first 4 chapters/essays. Although I do agree with Morgan Jerkin's point that Black women are still mainly excluded from the feminist movement, from what I've read so far, this book was a letdown. The author is trying to speak for a generation and maybe even Black women in general but fails to regard them as individuals thus painting a generalized picture, seemingly often looking down on them as being too loud, too dark or not achieved enough. This didn't help me un ...more

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Aug 25, 2017 Nicole Froio rated it it was amazing

THIS WILL BE MY UNDOING is a book about the experiences of a young black woman in America. Jerkins writing is nothing short of addictive, I devoured this book and learned a lot from it. She writes with honesty, weaving her own experiences with historical references about black culture and resistance, writing and art that made her think, black people who inspire her and white people who disappoint her. Jerkins' writing is complex and her reasoning is nuanced, and she makes clear that this book is ...more

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Jan 26, 2018 Kris - My Novelesque Life rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction, essays, arc-edelweiss, memoir, african-american, library-book-borrowed, race, culture

RATING: 4 STARS
2018; Harper Perennial/HarperCollins Canada
(Review Not on Blog)

I found Morgan Jerkins' collection of essays very engaging and quick to read. Jerkins takes on big topics like race and feminism and disarms her readers with humour and compassion. She relates her experiences as a black feminist woman in America so that we see her perspective but also that this not just an anomaly. I don't live in the US and I am not black but there were moments as I read this book and knew that exact ...more

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Jan 31, 2018 Kenya Wright rated it it was amazing

This isn't a beach read.

You'll probably be pretty angry after reading this book.

But then you'll probably also gain some understanding of American society through a black woman's eyes. And even if you're a black woman, understanding still comes.

Many times I thought she's gone into my head and just wrote things down. I remember wanting to be a white girl, when I was a kid. I remember the horror of perms and the fear of looking too black, too African, and acting too much like an angry black women. ...more

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Feb 18, 2018 Ylenia rated it it was amazing

Recommended to Ylenia by: The queen Roxane Gay

Shelves: owned-read, 2018-reads

...that saying I feel for you to a woman unlike yourself means you somehow share in experience, is one of the pitfalls that plagues mainstream feminism. It signals to women of color that their stories are only worth telling if a white person can understand them, and therefore that a white person's emotions and responses are of greater importance than the stories themselves. We cannot come together if we do not recognize our differences first.
These differences are best articulated when women of c

...more

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Mar 06, 2018 SUSAN *Nevertheless,she persisted* rated it it was amazing

This was a fantastic book. I highly recommend it.

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Apr 06, 2018 Dawnelle Wilkie rated it liked it

Shelves: memoir, nonfiction

Two* stars for brave, honest, unapologetic writing. That's the positive stuff. Now for the rest...

I wanted to like this book more than I did and as a middle-class middle-aged white woman, I feel wildly out of my lane commenting at all but I've got a big mouth, too many letters behind my name, and shit to say so here we go.

First bone of contention: Uh, what kind of feminism is that?

I have nothing but respect for women who write openly and honestly (read: vulnerably) about sexual violence, especi ...more

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Mar 05, 2018 J Beckett rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

"You should've known I was coming." -- Morgan Jerkins

In late 2016 the writing of Morgan Jerkins, a phenom who orchestrated phrases with amazing fervor and openness, slammed upon my literary landscape like a Sikhote-Alin meteorite. She'd been around for a minute, I'd later learn, as I Googled her name and scrolled through a canon of her articles and blogs as far back as 2014, but, as I had just become familiar, she was [for me] a welcomed fresh face and a new beautiful mind.

It was Jerkins' lyrica "You should've known I was coming." -- Morgan Jerkins

In late 2016 the writing of Morgan Jerkins, a phenom who orchestrated phrases with amazing fervor and openness, slammed upon my literary landscape like a Sikhote-Alin meteorite. She'd been around for a minute, I'd later learn, as I Googled her name and scrolled through a canon of her articles and blogs as far back as 2014, but, as I had just become familiar, she was [for me] a welcomed fresh face and a new beautiful mind.

It was Jerkins' lyrical sensibilities, word-aerobics, approach to common themes and colorful social nuances with artistic insight that separated her from the massive ensemble of similar writers. I was encapsulated within her comfortable literary cocoon. In articles from Buzzfeed, Catapult, and Fusion (just to name a few), Jerkins (not Jenkins) gives a head-first dive into her transparent world and in doing so made us better, even if we didn't know we needed to be.

In her debut and eagerly anticipated book, This Will Be My Undoing, Morgan opens a glass door into a place you'd want to linger past closing hours, just to ensure that nothing is missed. She begins with confessions that in this age of Black Girls Rock and Black Girl Magic would certainly raise a few eyebrows. She writes:

"When I was ten, the only thing I wanted was to be a white cheerleader. Bone straight hair. Thin nose. Saccharine voice. Slender body."

She continues:

"When I was ten, I realized that I was black. In some ways, that had nothing to do with actual cheerleading, but rather with what blackness meant, writ large, learned from the experience of trying to force myself into this pristine, white, and coveted space, which spit me out before I could realize how much I had been abused."

The detail of this opening is vital to the content of the book. Although racial issues (Jerkins says she was accepted more by the white girls than by the black and brown girls but in time that changed) are not the basis of every essay, it does linger in the wings, entering like an apparition, to prepare Jerkins for the real world, her world, and a series of uncheery cheerleading (read social) try-outs. But Jerkins doesn't allow the past to completely color her present. Instead, she uses the experience to rain observations and truths upon the pages of 'This Will Be My Undoing' with enough force and fervor to make the reader quiver. Indeed there were many moments when my progressive mind was shaken. Morgan, although small in stature, is mammoth. She is a force shouting from a Harlem brownstone, Princeton classroom, Russian square, and New Jersey high school, shouting phrases that are usually whispered behind glass doors.

Morgan Jerkins writes of being different, sometimes in a manner that is self-depreciating, searching, longing, and uplifting. She is different. She is mesmerizing. She is a welcoming warm gust and a needed cool breeze. Never quite fitting the pre-requisites of social popularity, she, throughout her entries, was always searching for her place. As one of few African-Americans on the campus of Princeton, for example, she found an odd alienation, of sorts, from the Black men. Perhaps it was a matter of association, climbing the proverbial ladder of success, or being accepted by a culture that could uplift them to higher heights, that kept these men distant. Her relationships with men materialized from daisy fields and butterflies to post-date rides on the last train home; lovely and initially tranquil, but lonely. It could have been because of her, or them, or both. It may simply have been... Too bad for those guys.

But Jerkins brilliantly and beautifully finds that place, in the printed word and through passionate thought, where she is whole and becomes, in essence, a veritable juggernaut. She writes of relatable issues, human matters that beat upon the brow of the common and uncommon. Jerkins treads with a heavy foot along paths that many fear to tread, detailing events that keep the pages turning and the readers hungry. Her essays cover a spectrum of subjects and styles that are academic, real-world, and foreboding, changing her tone from chapter to chapter (often at the end), showing that, like a jazz musician, she's got chops. There are moments when she sounds like (forgive this comparison) Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City), cosmopolitan, hip, contemplative and impassioned, then there are the other moments when she delves into the arena of the bards, thunderous and commanding; professorial.

This Will Be My Undoing, is a huge undertaking, much more profound and prolific than a review could possibly relay. In it, Jerkins gives an amazing ride on a Ferris Wheel full of ups and downs, highs and lows (from childhood to adulthood). She pulls at the reader's heartstrings in one piece then has them longing to reevaluate themselves. From her very beginning -- from those articles and blogs that captured the attention of multitudes-- Jerkins was on a journey to the fantastic creation of this book. She hinted and warned us, and in the end, she climatically states: "Surprise. You should've known I was coming." Surprise, Morgan. We are glad you came.
...more

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Mar 09, 2018 Nadine rated it it was amazing

This Will Be My Undoing is a collection of essays that focuses on Jerkins’ own experiences framed by race, gender, sexuality, and politics. What makes this collection of essays stand out among others is that Jerkins writes to portray her experiences as purely as possible without diluting them for a particular audience. Her writing style is unapologetic from start to finish.

Her essays range in topics from the obvious and subtle white privilege in everyday life, black women’s bodies (more specific This Will Be My Undoing is a collection of essays that focuses on Jerkins’ own experiences framed by race, gender, sexuality, and politics. What makes this collection of essays stand out among others is that Jerkins writes to portray her experiences as purely as possible without diluting them for a particular audience. Her writing style is unapologetic from start to finish.

Her essays range in topics from the obvious and subtle white privilege in everyday life, black women’s bodies (more specifically their hair), relationships, friendships, and education. Jerkins’ writing is masterful when she’s discussing her personal experiences while connecting them to the past or giving them context. Through this format, the reader is able to connect with Jerkins on a personal level, even if said reader is not black.

“[...] I will force you to keep your eyes on me and, in turn, us, and see the seams of everyday life that you have been privileged to ignore but that have wrecked us.”

This Will Be My Undoing was a learning experience for me as a reader and a person. I like to think that I’m educated in topics like race inequality, mass incarceration, and white privilege, but then I come across a piece of work that broadens my knowledge and expands my world views. This Will Be My Undoing made me rethink, reassess, and confront some of my worldviews and beliefs while reshaping them. The best example of this is my lack of knowledge or understanding regarding black women’s hair. My ignorance is showing when I say I didn’t know about the beauty rituals black women endure to work their natural hair and the history surrounding it. There isn’t one aspect of a black woman’s body that has not been forced to conform to white standards of beauty and this is all the more evident in hair.

After finishing the final essay, I immediately started browsing the reviews on Goodreads in hopes of gaining other people’s insights and perspectives. I was surprised to see quite a few negative reviews and had a hard time reconciling how someone could rate this book of essays one star after I had such a positive experience. One of the common threads I found while reading the negative reviews was their criticism of Jerkins’ ignorance of the segment of the white female population that is not wealthy, slim, or straight. Instead, she lumps all white women together as all being privileged. Though this is a valid criticism, I think those reviewers may have missed the point being made. The use of and discussion of stereotypes is prominent throughout almost all the essays, especially that of the obnoxious, sassy black woman. This stereotype is usually applied to all black women regardless of their sexual orientation or weight. So, lumping together all white women as privileged is just another stereotype being used deliberately.

Overall, This Will Be My Undoing is a fantastic collection of essays that deserves to be read by all. It offers an unapologetic look at a black woman’s experience within the context of history, sexuality, gender, and politics. ...more

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Feb 25, 2018 Jerrie (redwritinghood) rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Good essay collection on race and feminism. Very intimate and revealing episodes from her life are paired with relevant social commentary.

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Feb 10, 2018 Chelsea slytherink marked it as dnf

Shelves: audiobook, non-fiction, representation-poc, authors-of-colour

Sadly, I had to DNF This Will Be My Undoing 33 percent in because the descriptions of sex and pornography in particular were too triggering for me. I gave this memoir a second chance after my initial panic attack, but when I picked this back up again, it seemed like that topic was a recurring theme throughout the book and I can't put myself through it.

If this hadn't been so triggering, I really would've liked to continue it. This is a very interesting memoir by a black woman in the United States ...more

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Goodreads Librari...: Super Librarian - Merge Editions: "This Will Be My Undoing: Living at the Intersection of Black, Female, and Feminist in (White) America" by Morgan Jerkins	2	17	Dec 19, 2018 01:52AM
Books That Shook Us: Q5 - How did you like the book overall?	1	13	Mar 02, 2018 03:53PM
Books That Shook Us: Q4 - How does Jerkins use whiteness to gain acceptance in society? How do white and other nonblack people navigate black spaces and further add to anti-black racism?	1	6	Mar 02, 2018 03:52PM
Books That Shook Us: Q3 - How do you feel about Jerkins' stances on #OwnVoices books and writing outside your gaze?	1	7	Mar 02, 2018 03:48PM
Books That Shook Us: Q2 - What is some bad advice you were given as a child that you had to unlearn as an adult?	1	3	Mar 02, 2018 03:45PM
Books That Shook Us: Q1 - At what age did you realize your race? How did that impact your sense of self?	1	7	Mar 02, 2018 03:43PM

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About Morgan Jerkins

Morgan Jerkins

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Hi there.

I'm Morgan and I'm a twenty-something-year-old living and writing in New York. I graduated from Princeton University with an AB in Comparative Literature, specializing in nineteenth century Russian literature and postwar modern Japanese literature, and I have an MFA from the Bennington Writing Seminars. Thanks to my degree and natural affinity for different cultures, I speak six languages ...more

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“When there is no equality there can not be equivalency.” — 9 likes

“We cannot come together if we do not recognize our differences first. These differences are best articulated when women of color occupy the center of the discourse while white women remain silent, actively listen, and do not try to reinforce supremacy by inserting themselves in the middle of the discussion.” — 8 likes

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