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How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety
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How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety

4.32  ·  Rating details ·  701 ratings  ·  86 reviews
Picking up where Quiet ended, How to Be Yourself is the best book you'll ever read about how to conquer social anxiety.

"This book is also a groundbreaking road map to finally being your true, authentic self." --Susan Cain, New York Times, USA Today and nationally bestselling author of Quiet

Up to 40% of people consider themselves shy. You might say you're introverted or awk
Hardcover, 304 pages
Published March 13th 2018 by St. Martin's Press
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4.32  · 
Rating details
 ·  701 ratings  ·  86 reviews

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May 12, 2018 rated it really liked it
I wish that I had this book 10 years ago, when I was 20 and trying to figure out who I was. I wish I had this book when I didn't know what was wrong with me, when I thought I was weird or annoying.
Even though this book may be more beneficial to someone in a younger population, no matter who you are, if you experience any social anxiety, you will benefit from reading this. if not, I'm sure you know someone who could.
well written and researched.
*sitting here, after editing this review over and
Jun 04, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I’m so sad that I finished listening to this audiobook. Listening to How To Be Yourself made me feel less alone in my struggles with social anxiety and made me feel more hopeful about coping with it in the future.

Ellen is a wonderful and compassionate person. The fact that she has also struggled with social anxiety made this book so much better than others I have read about social anxiety, because I know I’m listening to someone who understands exactly how it feels.

I’m pretty sure this book i
Jun 28, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: absolute-faves
I have always thought my internal thoughts were crazy, but this book mentioned all the things I've felt making it seem less scary. It made me feel less alone; that other people feel the way I feel. I would definitely recommend this to anyone struggling with social anxiety with hopes of breaking out of their mental confinements. I might even buy this book so that I can keep it on hand for refresher courses while on my journey to establish deep rooted confidence.
Apr 22, 2018 rated it liked it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Jessica Lutz
Apr 03, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Great read for anyone with anxiety, social anxiety, or imposter syndrome.
Monte Brogdon
Oct 09, 2018 rated it really liked it
Finally was able to finish this one! This is a very informative and helpful book for social anxiety and confidence issues. Might even use the tools mentioned in my own life. Definitely worth the read if you have these problems.
Great book! I felt as if it was written just with me in mind. Hendriksen writes with humor and compassion. How to Be Yourself is a practical guide for us socially anxious beings.
Tarn Wilson
Dec 29, 2018 rated it it was amazing
A very helpful book for facing, not just social anxiety, but fears of all kind. Practical. Accessible. Sensible. Compassionate. Wise. With a touch of humor.
Nicole Oke
Jul 21, 2018 rated it it was amazing
"Social anxiety is self-consciousness on steroids, it highjacks our ability to think, speak and respond."

What can I say, this is my spirit book, the examples and stories are all too familiar. How to Be Yourself is the BEST book on social anxiety and brought so many feels. If like me, you're a socially anxious introvert I highly recommend giving the book a concentrated read. If this is not you, but you have close relations with anyone with social anxiety, this book will provide you with a better
Apr 05, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Normally, I can’t make it through nonfiction books, even when they interest me. I find myself skimming and skipping through the pages. However, I read this entire book and loved it. I felt as though the author truly understood social anxiety and what goes through the minds of those who have it. I find myself thinking back to her tips and strategies on dealing with social anxiety, and I truly feel like it’s making a difference in my life. If you have SAD, even in the slightest, I recommend you re ...more
Mohammad Javad
One of the best books I have read on social anxiety. The book is full of insights, practical tips, scientific basis and at the same time it's very pleasant to read.
Ting Tong
Jan 23, 2019 rated it it was ok
A discussion about social anxiety; what it is, what causes it and what you can do about it. Hendriksen posits that most people experience anxiety in social situations in some form; although it may be different for everyone. She explains the process of anxiety and how it is often narrated by our inner critic who operates on very little evidence to support its claims. This book is not heavy on the science and thus is accessible for anyone and is more of a discussion of the therapy Hendriksen has b ...more
Tangled in Text
May 21, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I love a good self-help book. I enjoy the chance to spend some time reflecting and self-evaluating. Reading a few of these a year to me is like going to the doctor's office. It becomes a personal, mental checkup seeing how much from a previous book I have put into practice and where I still need help. Each book (each appointment) I measure myself and from there I can see if I've either gained or lost weight. The weight might not be literal, but sometimes when the burden of fears and mental illne ...more
De Laura
Jul 10, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I've listened to Dr. Hendriksen with her Quick and Dirty Tips Podcast for years and her book is a very well thought out and approachable book to self help, opening up about thought patterns, and an overall positive experience to how to recognize, acknowledge, accept, and practice improvement.

She uses a mix of personal examples, celebrity examples, metaphors, and then in depth research and reasoning to the how and why of social anxiety that builds and comes together through the whole book.

Well wo
Aug 10, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Recommended to Michele by: Derek Newman
What a wonderfully written book. With care and kindness, Dr. Hendriksen discusses research and stories that help us to realize that we have what we need inside in order to be ourselves, no matter what our anxiety may tell us. I found the book to be insightful, funny, and uplifting. I had a particular like of the chapter on perfectionism as it seems to be a trap I find myself falling into a lot. The message of this book is that you have the potential to be yourself and that is enough. It was a de ...more
Jun 25, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I found the tips in this audiobook useful, even though it illustrated to me that what I had taken for social anxiety might not actually be what I have, since the examples given were much worse than what I experience. Despite that, I found the descriptions and tips helpful, and if people with much worse issues than me can find ways to deal with their problems, then so can I. It's worth your time, even if you are just a little bit weirdly socialized like me.
Andrea Dumont
Feb 02, 2019 rated it really liked it
Audiobook is exactly like her podcasts with some of the same stories. Almost easier to listen to podcasts so you can pick the applicable lessons. I do wish I could give this to all the engineers I know that say they don't have social skills. Skills are made once you can conquer your anxiety.
Abdulkader Sabouni
Dec 22, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Really helped me with my social anxiety!

Definitely gonna read it again
Feb 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing
"I realized how many opportunities I missed because I was afraid of people rejecting me, but I was just rejecting myself. He paused. I've learned to recognize that pause in client after client, as well as in myself. It was The Moment. Then with wonder in his voice he said, "The world is a lot nicer than I thought."

Listened to on audiobook

How to Be Yourself is my first ever venture onto nonfiction books. Nonfiction as a genre just isn't so appealing to me, and other than reading one self hel
Jason Cihelka
Oct 30, 2018 rated it it was amazing
very good! a great approach to shyness / social anxiety, with tons of anecdotes and studies to back up the main points.
Kate Mcnierney
Nov 24, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This gave me great insight into the workings of social anxiety and concrete things to do to that help.
Aug 12, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
Definitely a book I'm planning to read again if my anxiety acts up.
Zach Koenig
Dec 05, 2018 rated it it was amazing
A year or so before reading this book, Susan Cain's "Quiet"--a book about introversion--had a big influence on my life. Ellen Hendriksen's "How To Be Yourself" took on similar prominence with her musings on shyness and social anxiety.

What I really like about this book is that it's not a glorified book of exercises masquerading as a self-help book. Some may like that approach, but I prefer a deep, more literary dive into these issues, and that's exactly what Hendriksen provides. Here, learning ab
Serena Louise
Oct 05, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: everyone
I listened to this book on audible and the author's voice is beautifully calming and understanding. She unboxes the mystery of social anxiety, boils everything down and gives you the challenges to overcome your worries. She provides challenges to tackle things that scare you on three or so levels, provides a "toolbox" of things you can try and explains things in an obvious but "much needed to heart that" kind of way.
The best quote from this book is that "your thoughts are not the reality, they
Amanda Brunnert
Dec 31, 2018 rated it really liked it
I really struggled with this book on a personal level - it was something I picked up on a whim (title shopping, as it were) and I found myself reflected back in the pages, over and over and over again. In that it put a name and held up a sense of shared experience on aspects of my own behaviors, it was an affirming read - though not a self-defining one. I feel that this is a subject matter that I will need to revisit again and that the book itself (carefully exact and accessibly written) is a he ...more
Brandi D'angelo
Sep 21, 2018 rated it liked it
For me, some of the best advice came at the very end. Author Ellen Hendriksen explains that it really just all boils down to kindness. "By caring enough, you send into the world your best efforts. By caring enough, you offer the world incredible strength and value." Some advice to those who are socially anxious (which, by the way, doesn't automatically pin you as an introvert, and vice versus,) are to shift your attention outward (on the other person, the environment, your breath,) dare to be av ...more
Aug 04, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: sociology, psychology
An exploration into the various issues which go into social anxiety and methods derived from the work of social psychology regarding how to allay them.

The author's primary purpose is to assure the reader, who she assumes has some level of social anxiety so as to wish to read said book, does not lack social skills or social ability: instead, they are hindered by (and often in fact actively sabotage themselves through) feelings of social inadequacy which lead to the types of reactions which the pe
Jan 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing
If you have a critical inner voice that keeps you from being your genuine self then this is a must read. I haven’t always had this issue, but somehow it showed up and never left. I used to be a very care free person who was able to talk to anyone anywhere and at anytime. Now my inner critic is so loud and obnoxious it keeps from doing the most simple tasks. As far as social situations go, I tend to isolate myself in my “safe” place and avoid all interaction. I’m sure something had to occur in my ...more
Feb 05, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book is the most important book I have read since literally ever. Well I didn't read it, I listened to the audio book - twice! In two weeks! But now I bought the book so I can go through it again, write in it (yes I do that, but only in books I never give away) and take notes.
You should read it or listen to it right now!
I never knew what was going on with me, I wasn't sure I was social anxious or depressed or whatever. I only was shy in certain situations and could be quite outspoken any o
Oct 24, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This book is amazing. I listened to the audio version but I am going to get a paperback one to go through and highlight bits. Great advice that honestly has worked. It's nothing groundbreaking really, but Hendriksen knows how to offer support and rational tools to help you overcome your social anxiety. Definitely one of the best books regarding this topic that I have read. Her chapter on friends was wonderful and it wasn't just 'be yourself!' type of advice. This book was absolutely fantastic; i ...more
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DR. ELLEN HENDRIKSEN is a clinical psychologist who helps millions calm their anxiety and be their authentic selves through her award-winning podcast, the Savvy Psychologist, and in her clinic at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CARD). Her debut book, HOW TO BE YOURSELF: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety, is available now.

Ellen’s scientifically-base
“social anxiety is seeing our true self in a distorted way and believing the distortion to be the truth.” 2 likes
“In truth, you gain confidence by doing things before you're ready, while you're still scared. Go through the motions and your confidence will catch up.' If you wait until you are ready to do the things that scare you because you feel like you aren't ready, you will never get around to doing them. We gain comfort and confidence through being uncomfortable.” 2 likes
More quotes…