When Your Phone Doesn't Ring, It'll Be Me

by Cynthia Heimel

In When Your Phone Doesn't Ring, It'll Be Me, which critics say is her best yet, Heimel reveals her secrets - which turn out to be our own. She croons over sweatpants. She finds the secret cause of romantic obsession. She hates Rush Limbaugh. She finds the hilarity in feminism. She shops for a new city for us to live in, away from Bible-thumping homophobes but near some trees. She finds romantic tranquility and gets bored. And her love affair with dogs gets to the point where we may have to perform an intervention.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Essays

182 pages, Paperback

First published May 24, 1996

About the author

Cynthia Heimel was a feminist humorist writer, a columnist, a playwright and television writer.

Reviews

[Karl Kraus]

"With dogs, you don't need gurus. Dogs are forever in the moment. They are always a tidal wave of feelings, and every feeling is some variant of love. They take us out of our heads and into our lives. They remind us of where we came from."

That paragraph was enough to sell me on this book. :-)

Whether to increase sales or confuse bibliophiles, "If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?" and "When Your Phone Doesn't Ring, It'll Be Me" are the same book. The former is the hardcover title; the latter, the title of the paperback reissue. Or perhaps the paperback publisher didn't think there was much of a market for a cover with a photo of the author and one of her dogs, along with a totally doglike sentiment for a title, would sell widely. Fools.

[Chana]

The author has some good points to make but they are so wrapped up in bitterness and vulgarity that they kind of get lost. Except when it comes to dogs; my favorite essay in this book is Believing in Dog. I also enjoyed "Problem Lady". Dear Abby should be so interesting. The book is somewhat outdated and mostly too caustic and bitter for me.

[Tabbitha Rivera]

In this piece Cynthia Heimel delves into the problems that many women face in a smart and funny way. She writes about her hate of Rush Limbaugh and talks about romantic tranquility which leaves her bored out of her mind and ready to smash the guys face in. Deliciously funny.

[Fay]

HILARIOUS! Bad ass feminist writer. Pissed off and funny. A good combo if you ask me.

[Krista]

Funny lady, and she's very insightful and wise amid the funniness, too. I'll definitely read more of her books.

[Elie]

Awesome columnist for the Village Voice guides you through the vicissitudes of 90's adult life with wit & irreverence. Good to read for ladies, very good to read for dudes.

[Lesley]

I realised that I had in fact read this before and probably already have a copy somewhere about, just not where I expected it to be. While a lot of it is very period-dependent in what it takes shots at, some of it still, alas, resonates today.