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If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?!
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If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?!

3.79  ·  Rating details ·  451 Ratings  ·  33 Reviews
Cynthia Heimel has been described by the Chicago Tribune as "perhaps our funniest war correspondent on the war between the sexes"; her wisdom on dating includes such gems as: "My new rule is to never believe a person is interested until you feel his tongue down your throat." If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?! shows Heimel at her wicked best. When sex p ...more
Paperback, 240 pages
Published October 9th 2002 by Grove Press (first published 1991)
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Sara Schraeder
Jun 07, 2014 rated it really liked it
Her essay entitled "Why I Hate Marilyn" earns five stars. And should be required reading in a culture idolizing the likes of Paris Hilton and Kim Khardashian.
Bryn (Plus Others)
May 29, 2016 rated it it was ok
Shelves: feminism
Most of the essays in this book did not hold up very well for me (the one on Marilyn was a notable exception), simply because Heimel's base assumptions are so far off of mine -- a generation gap, I suppose. Her feminism is very tied into wanting men, where are the men, why do men ignore me now that I'm older, have we damaged the men by being too feminist, we should be nicer to the men, why can't the men just treat us reasonably -- and she is always at pains to point out how gorgeous/stunning/sex ...more
Nicola Mostyn
Jul 25, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: relationships
I absolutely adore Cynthia Heimel and I don't understand why more people don't know her books! She's hilarious, clever, honest- a one off. Read this one and then read all the rest. And then, please, Cynthia, will you write some more?
William Farnum-Badley
Jul 09, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I read about Barbados on a vacation. It's interesting who ppl
visit tourist to the Caribbean. It's cool great story tho!
Ashley
Aug 20, 2009 rated it it was ok
Organized into essays on the times (late 80s), women, men, women and men, and the author's life, this book got off to a slow start for me. This is likely due to the fact that the first set of essays dealt with the 80s, which felt totally irrelevant. This is also the first book by Heimel that I've read, so I feel like I didn't quite get where she was coming from when I first picked this book up.

The book really hit its stride when it came to the section on women, men, and women and men. The essay
...more
Glen Engel-Cox
Dec 03, 2014 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: amazon
I really wanted to like this book. With a great title like that, I expected it to be a comic look at the relations between men and women, likely coming hard down on the side of women. Instead, it is a mismash of New York angst mixed with the fading regret of yet another runaway from the 60s. In short, choppy doses (each section was originally published as individual essays in Playboy, Cosmopolitan, or The Village Voice), Heimel raves against the world, but not of it ever is funny enough to make ...more
Alice Urchin
Oct 17, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: owned
After reading one of Cynthia Heimel's essays in an anthology (Here Lies My Heart was the anthology, I can't remember the name of her essay), I decided to buy three of her books on Amazon. This book is (mostly) a collection of short columns she wrote for Playboy Magazine. She's clever and witty, but not as outrageous as, say, Chelsea Handler. Also, a lot of her columns are colored by feminist thought, which is cool.
Shane
Apr 30, 2014 rated it did not like it
Shelves: humor, non-fiction
A collection of dated and angsty feminist rants. A lot of the essays contain the same basic and tired themes: All men are shallow, chauvinistic pigs all the time; women who aren't hardcore, bra-burning feminists are just mindless sex objects and/or too stupid to provide for themselves; women who are hardcore, bra-burning feminists are automatically the most amazing people ever.
Sadie
Apr 05, 2008 rated it did not like it
I know I should like this-the author is labeld as funny and feminist, blah blah blah. But honestly, this book is the literary equivalent of the old Catskills comedians that may have been funny or edgy in their day but their schtick doesn't translate well in current days. So, I might try another of her books but this one did not age well.
Miund
Jul 15, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: those who love Sex and The City
I thought 'Carrie Bradshaw' was the coolest and sexiest columnist ever. Well, before Sarah-Jessica Parker was even out of high school, Cynthia Heimel was already sexy in the city. I laughed aloud reading her bits on men, sex, dating and neighbors. Such a witty writer... and the best thing is: She's not a fictional character! HA!
Janet
I read this collection of her columns back when it was published in 1991, and loved it then. I just re-read it, and while parts of it are dated*, her humor and insight still shine.[return][return]*pun intended.
Mary
Mar 08, 2011 rated it it was ok
funny but a little dated for me (most of her articles were written when I was in diapers). Also, maybe reading it at the wrong time- too happy in my relationship and too comfortable with myself. Found it overly cynical.
Meter
Dec 03, 2011 added it
gabby feminist perspective.

written in around 1991. much is silly, dated, a brand of irreverent toss-about humor thats not that funny... but it only takes a few hours and serves as a recap of some forgotten territory. a realization that some complaints have been around a while.
Stacy
Jan 07, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This wasn't quite as funny as I was expecting it to be but I did chuckle a few times. It has some really interesting points though on everything from friendship, dating, parenting, and PMS. It was quite entertaining.
James
Dec 11, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Anyone
Hilarious and thought-provoking... I love Heimel's observations and essays on contemporary culture, using her own experiences and her observations of her teenage son's learning about life as starting-out points.
Kerrie
Jul 20, 2008 rated it really liked it
Entertaining quick read.
Barbara
Dec 23, 2015 rated it really liked it
Good snarky stuff
Niknak71
Apr 15, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I love Heimel's books, they are hilarious but true to life
Clint
Sep 11, 2007 rated it really liked it
I can't remember why I read this piece of non-fiction chick lit, but it was really funny.
Marta
Jul 30, 2012 rated it really liked it
one of the funniest books around. my favorite essay was PMS & Outfits ... I practically peed myself. I highly recommend reading this book. It's a really quick, fun read.
Natalie
Nov 07, 2012 rated it really liked it
Es entretenido, los ensayos son divertidos y puedes reír en numerosas ocaciones.
Kaethe
Dec 11, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: essays, nonfiction, humor
You can keep your Candace Bushnell. Heimel is way funnier. And rather less fashion-obsessed.
Lara Hale
Apr 07, 2013 rated it liked it
Funny :)
Deb Davis
Sep 08, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I love her more than chocolate.
Kylie Briggs
Dec 28, 2011 rated it did not like it
Sorry, I don't think using the F-word a lot makes you funny.
Maureen Flatley
Jul 07, 2009 rated it it was amazing
I've probably read this book twenty times. It's just hilarious. A funny, funny, funny book which applies regardless of your "relationship" status. Let's all read it again.
Jill
Dec 10, 2011 rated it liked it
Hilarious collection of essays! Very fun to read.
Lori
Dec 18, 2008 rated it did not like it
Didn't really like her style of writing. Pretty much feminist ranting, and not the good kind. Was hoping she would live up to the humor of her title. Was disappointed.
Evelyn
Mar 27, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Classic sarcastic middle age woman writing. It was funny witty and well written.
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Cynthia Heimel was a feminist humorist writer, a columnist, a playwright and television writer.
“You can't take away knowledge, and it's dangerous to pretend you never had it.” 11 likes
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