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Two Fisted Jesus Tales: Book 1: The Book of the Job

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Jesus Christ has come again. The last time, he was a dove. This time, he's an eagle. On his side are the Bible, the New Disciples and his own two fists. Against him are President Arack Bomraka, the LIEberal media, and the entire Demoncratic party.

Will he complete his mission and save Lily, the liberal woman he has come to love? Or will he succumb to the shock troops of the sinister Left, and plunge the world into 1000 years of tofu-eating, hybrid-driving darkness?

384 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 19, 2017

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James Beach

10 books3 followers

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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
Profile Image for Andrew Shaffer.
Author 44 books1,350 followers
May 21, 2018
Five stars for the cover and concept. Read only about the first twenty percent, however -- the character of Jesus was on the run, but there wasn't anything about him that made me want to keep reading.
Profile Image for James Frederick.
389 reviews2 followers
June 27, 2019
I am a tiny bit embarrassed to admit that I read this...and that I read the whole thing. I found this on Bookbub or Early Bird Books and the cover got my attention.

This is one of the strangest books I have ever read. If you take it seriously in ANY way, then you are going to be offended. There is really no person, organization or religion in this book that gets by totally unscathed.

I can picture the author writing this thing. He either sampled a few too many herbal supplements or imbibed a bit heavily...or he was just laughing his head off when he wrote it...or all of the above.

This book is best seen as extreme satire. It is the bastard child of a SNL skit and a really long Austin Powers movie with Jesus as a super hero action figure in the mold of Sly Stallone. It would have been more appropriate as a comic book than a novel. The characters were all very comic-bookish. Rosio Dawnhell even went into full Dr. Octopus mode, in the end. Rachel Madcow and the feminazis were an ongoing motif.

It is very tempting to say, as I remember my father commenting, upon entering a room when we were kids, watching "teen movies," that "This has no socially redeeming value." Like all satire, it is certainly irreverent. This one was caustically irreverent with a side of radioactive waste. Paradoxically, parts of it were fun to read, though.

The good: the villains were hilarious. The main baddie was Rosio Dawnhell. There was the LIE-beral and LameStream Media. A casual glance through the characters and you gotta admit that the author is creative.

The bad: if you are easily offended, then you are not going to want to open the cover of this one. Pretty much every character in this comes across as offensive, at times, with the possible exception of President Arack Bomraka, (serving his third term in office). Everyone seems to think that he is evil incarnate, and Jesus refers to him as the Kenyantichrist, throughout. But I do not recall him actually doing anything that confirms or portrays that. Jesus comes across among other things as sexist, homophobic, and largely, a big jerk, too many times to mention. This is not the Prince of Peace that you remember from Sunday School. It is a good thing that God has a sense of humor or there would be nothing left of the author but the smell of ozone from thousands of lightning bolts, zapping him in his writing chair. (Shazam!)

Overall...parts of it were funny and amusing. MUCH of it was (very) offensive. It was also REALLY long. The kernel of the story could have been told in about 1/3 of the length this wound up. And it probably would have been a better story, at that. This is apparently the first book of a series. I rather doubt I will read future installments. If you have a perverse sense of humor and can put aside the offensive portrayals of just about everyone, including our lord and savior, then you might want to crack this open at the beach with a beer and some herbal brownies.

If they ever make a movie of this, (which no one EVER will), it would be interesting to see if they have Sly Stallone or Michael Myers play Jesus. (I guess they could have Schwarzenegger do it, perhaps, as well).
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews

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