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Johnny Would You Love Me If My Dick Were Bigger

4.31  ·  Rating details ·  179 ratings  ·  31 reviews
Brontez is a raw tongue of flame blazing through all the blatant fakery and insincere bullshit of todays gay/music/human scene. This audacious non-memoir burnt the hair off the back of my neck and had me rolling with glee. S.F. Bay Guardian

A dirty cult-classic put out in a small batch by an underground publisher (Rudos and Rubes) in 2015, Johnny Would You Love Me If My
Paperback, 166 pages
Published June 13th 2017 by The Feminist Press at CUNY (first published August 2015)
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Average rating 4.31  · 
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 ·  179 ratings  ·  31 reviews

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Jason Gordon
Mar 26, 2018 rated it really liked it
After reading this, I think a lot of people missed the point reading it is a memoir. Its partly that, but behind the bits of lurid sexual escapades are visceral criticisms of capitalism, patriarchy, racism, and bourgeoisie elements of gay culture.

It was also quite the surprise to find elements of art criticism (in reference to comedy and punk music) in this memoir.

May 08, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: read-and-owned
This book was like a spiritual awakening. I'm addickted. I must find more.
Tom Thor Buchanan
Aug 26, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This was no joke! Actually it kind of is a joke, but it's also, in Purnell's words, "dead serious"
This isn't a "comic" book to me, because when people call a book comic it makes me think of some long long John Barth nonsense definitely written by a guy over sixty with tenure. This books FUNNY. Crazy funny, crazy mean, absolutely lousy with charisma. Best thing I've read all year long.
Jeremy Hornik
May 06, 2018 rated it liked it
Raw, needy, funny. But it felt like a blog book. For me, the short pieces were hitting the same notes over and over.
Öykü Akın
Dec 21, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
not only it's hilarious, gives great advice (for free!)
Jun 22, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: queer-lgbtq
I have a complicated relationship to this book and I'm not sure if I love it or hate it. It's difficult to put into words but...
I love it because:
- of the experimental writing format. This is truly stream of consciousness writing. There is no true 'plot' as the narrative just follows Purnell's fictionalized memoir across his early adult life. It's insinuated that these are all just writing exercises strung together, but either way I loved the way it created the narrative. It's as if you're
Sep 26, 2019 rated it really liked it
A darkly humorous, raunchy memoir from a young gay writer about sex, bing-drinking, and the road from self-loathing to self-acceptance, and/or being a mess and learning to love yourself anyway.

Yes there are also criticisms of gay culture, art, music, capitalism, religion, racism, and many other things, but I laughed out loud not only the ridiculous scenarios, but his turns of phrase, and his scalding sense of irony.
Apr 07, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
A revelation. Filthy and hilarious. Often poignant. Purnell can write about sex and drugs and poor life decisions with disarming ease.

If you liked this, make sure to follow me on Goodreads for more reviews!
Raül De Tena
Aug 12, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2019
A día de hoy, parece ser que solo existen dos representaciones (más bien tipificaciones) del hombre gay en la cultura general Por un lado, está su visión glorificada e idealizada, aquella que retrata Dionisos modernos con cuerpos perfectos, clase social alta, vida despreocupada y todo un conjunto de valores ultra-positivos que parecen intentar compensar décadas y décadas en las que el homosexual era, por defecto, el malo de la película. Por mucho que, por otra parte, esta visión del gay no sea ...more
Sep 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: lgbt, poc-authored
To describe this masterful piece of art as only a cult classic would be to gloss over the truly rich and honest contribution to queer literature this book provides. Brontez Purnell's "Johnny Would Love Me..." is an honest, outright comedic, and queer-ed up tale of sex, fun, and the underbelly of being gay in the 21st century.

Told in the form of a patchwork of short contribution a la memoir, this book follows, nonchronologically, the life of a young, black, gay man growing up in Alabama and
Nov 07, 2017 rated it really liked it
I wasn't into this book as much as I was the other book I recently read by him, "Since I laid my burden down." However, I would not hesitate to recommend this one for some readers. For certain readers who have been reading white authors of the Deep South all their lives, this is a good break from that, especially the bit about Southern Gothic.

Somewhere in this book--I'm 72% sure it was this book--there was a fantastic quote I meant to copy down, and after finishing the book I've skimmed the book
Vampire Who Baked
Jul 27, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: favourites, rare
Probably the single funniest book I have ever read, but underneath much of the otherwise campy material there is a pretty strong undercurrent of seriousness-- especially the stories of growing up black and gay (and fabulously, flamboyantly black and gay) in rural Alabama, and everything that comes with it, the "ethics" and "rules" (all self-imposed) about who is "fuckable" and when and how and why, wholehearted acceptance of camp and the hypocrisy of hypermasculinity and whiteness within the ...more
Benjamin Sands
May 22, 2020 rated it really liked it
This is funny because the author has been to my house (a friend of a friend of my roommate) and wreaked general havoc and did some kind of fucked up stuff. I bought this book not knowing that connection but it all makes sense now. He was absurd, inappropriate and intense, just like this book!

All that said, this book is fab! I had a really good time reading it, which can be just what you need.

Jan 14, 2018 rated it it was amazing
What in the ever living fuck did I just read? This book has to be the craziest fucking thing Ive ever laid eyes on. It is totally infectious and reminds me of a transparent blue, in terms of its visceral descriptions of gay sex, drug use, and terrible life decisions. This man is a hot ghetto mess, and I loved every single page of it. ...more
Adam Koehler
Aug 06, 2020 rated it really liked it
Filthy and fun. Not suitable for high school in any possible way. The raunchy parts were fun, but the best vignettes seemed to focus less on sex and more on the ability or inability to be vulnerable.
Aug 15, 2020 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
at the start, it was a shocking & funny read, but i personally found the book's raunchy nature ending up becoming more tiring than anything as it lost it's edge. the casual transphobia also didn't help! but it was at least entertaining to read.
Jul 23, 2018 rated it liked it
Meh. It was about sexual escapades of a black, gay man. That is all this book is about.
Ashley Olson
Absolutely filthy and I've never read a bigger trainwreck. Perfectly done. 5 stars purely because the author is a feminist black queer human and I stan that.
Jay Rose
Apr 12, 2018 rated it it was amazing
crude as hell and I loved every minute of it
Jody Humes
Brontez's tales of bathhouses, Barebackers Anonymous, and blacking out had me howling with laughter- especially welcome after teaching Greek tragedy all day.
Brandon Will
Nov 21, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Can be as hard to take as it is to look away (yes that's innuendo LOVE YOU BRONTEZ)
Aug 29, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I think I'm in love with this book. But it's a love that moves fast and tires me out too.
Melangiosa Fan
Jun 10, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Veo difícil reírme más con un libro. Muy trash pero me ha encantado!
Raquel Montero
Aug 06, 2020 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2020
Es la primera vez que leo algo con temática 100% gay, quedé gratamente sorprendida. Entiendo es una especie de autobiografía, pero el final me pareció más de lo mismo.
Charles Dee Mitchell
Oct 18, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: essays-memoir
Purnell has written a Black, Queer, Punk Rock cover of "Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places."
Jo Quenell
Jul 19, 2020 rated it really liked it
Funny, raunchy, queer, punk-as-fuck, and occasionally gross. Brontez Purnell is the outspoken gay brother to Al Burian and Aaron Cometbus. This was a fun collection.
Byron Adams
Dec 21, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Unfiltered, raw and I couldn't put it down.
Carrow Narby
Nov 23, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I don't even know what to say about this book except that I wish I could write like Brontez Purnell.
Spenser Milo
Jul 12, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
More books should be like this.
Constance Ann
Sep 28, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Highly recommended for anyone with a sense of humor about their darker times. This book had me cackling out loud in public and then feeling deep empathy for the narrator and their experiences. In ways, despite my own experiences being different, these stories resonate with the part of you that has ever sought love in all the wrong places.
Purnell's ability to look back on these times with honesty and humor is a thing of beauty.
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