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Boundaries in Dating

4.12  ·  Rating details ·  3,846 ratings  ·  268 reviews
Boundaries in Dating offers illuminating insights for romance that can help you grow in freedom, honesty, and self-control as you pursue a healthy dating relationship that will lead to a healthy marriage.

Dating can be fun, but it's not easy. Meeting people is just one concern. Once you've met someone, then what? What do you build? Nothing, a simple friendship, or more?
Paperback, 288 pages
Published February 21st 2000 by Zondervan (first published February 9th 1999)
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Average rating 4.12  · 
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 ·  3,846 ratings  ·  268 reviews

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Mar 29, 2008 rated it it was amazing
while people who aren't Christian may not get enjoy this book, it is such a great reminder for developing healthy relationships, and is a tell-all book of how to conduct one's self in a relationship. very nice :)
I personally realized what it was that never worked in past relationships, and how to step through each day in dating in order to get the most out of a relationship, and not let tendencies of my X-generation determine the fate of my relationship.
Don't let people step on you, this book
Renada Thompson
"You will have a good relationship to the degree that you are able to be clear and honest about everything."

"People who can handle confrontation and feedback are the ones who can make relationships work."

"Many people try to change their patterns all on their own, using willpower, discipline, resolve, and the like. Sooner or later, they tend to fail. A desire to change is generally not enough, or we would have changed before...(Colossians 2:23).
Relationship is the fuel which makes change and
Dec 17, 2014 rated it really liked it
While many previous reviewers (rightly) noted that this book covers a lot of "common sense" concepts (though common sense isn't as commonly exercised as it may once have been....), I think the most beneficial takeaway was its comprehensive picture of what maturity in the context of dating looks like. Distinguishing between deep character flaws and petty annoyances, taking responsibility for enabling a date's misbehavior while also addressing it, and handling conflict honestly and graciously are ...more
Apr 16, 2018 rated it liked it
Zoo wee Mama, do I have some thoughts on this one.

First, the positives: like many of those said before me, this book has a lot of common sense advice. If you're like me and couldn't understand flirting if it hit you across the face with a frying pan, this book really helps you see how people date, how dating is supposed to work, and how to establish boundaries with those you date.

The common sense advice helps those who might not have a lot of dating experience (am I saying this from a place of
Haley Victoria
Sep 10, 2014 rated it it was amazing
If I ever have children, I will require them to read this book before they begin dating anyone. I wish I had it years ago!
Rachelle Cobb
May 27, 2015 rated it liked it
Similarly to the first title, Boundaries touched on the basic elements of how to date wisely. In essence, avoid the mistake of dating someone who doesn't love Christ, treat you well, respect your family. I can see this book being helpful to those seeking to date differently than what movies portray, but I didn't get a whole lot out of it since I'd grown up reading Harris and Ludy and other courtship advocates. Still, the wise principles contained therein might benefit those wrapping their head ...more
Charlotte Liow
Jun 18, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I really enjoyed this book. Coming from very broken relationship in the past, this book reminded me about the importance of setting healthy boundaries, the people whom I choose to date, how to deal with conflicts and how important your support system is. I think it gave me a lot of perspective and thought about moulding myself to be a better person (not just in relationships) but also life in general.
This isn't the most difficult read ever and some of the points are a little "Duh", but overall interesting points about the need for boundaries and some food for thought when trying to balance emotion and logic. Also, I'm always sort of "eh" on anything with an overarching faith-based approach to self-help. This one grated on my nerves less than I was expecting much less.
Oct 24, 2019 rated it it was amazing
There is a lot to learn - highly recommended for those who are struggling with a relationship.
Oct 13, 2018 rated it really liked it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Sep 21, 2017 rated it it was ok
Shelves: kindle, nonfic
Actual rating: 2.5 stars

If I had known this was a Christian dating guide, I likely would have saved my money. Still, the title sounded like it would have been helpful to me and it was on sale, so into my Kindle it went. I'm honestly just ~shocked~ that decent Christian dating books even exist. After all, this one encouragescasual dating! *wink*

No one enters the dating world competent and ready to go. You may come from a good family and relational background. You may be a well-rounded personBut,
Feb 16, 2012 rated it liked it
People kept telling me to read this. Fine, I did. I don't believe in this book because most of these things should be common sense. And after reading this, I believe that still holds. This book may be more pertinent if there are issues in a relationship or dichotomies in your expectations, religious views and morals. The book does a good at looking at all aspects of dating from beginning to end: from when you start looking for a partner to when you are one year in. While I'm still not a strong ...more
Parker Robb
Jan 15, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This is not only the best dating book I have ever read by far, but one of the best books I have read period. I think everyone should read it and everyone could benefit immensely from it, even if you are not in the dating stage of life. Its more about self knowledge, personal growth, and becoming an emotionally healthy person yourself so that you can relate better with people, all of which benefit ones entire life and every area within, not just dating; Dating just happens to be the context in ...more
Jan 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Oh this really is full of helpful guidance and I do recommend it to anyone out there in or hoping for a dating relationship. I mean, it is super Christian. But also, it can be very hard to tell where to draw the line in a relationship and how to know when to stay or go. I am not one to trust my emotions, they havent always steered me well in life. But this book did help to lay a foundation for establishing boundaries and I do bring it up fairly often in my own dating relationship - at times when ...more
Carolyn Page
Jan 21, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: christianity
A plus. I love this book. It's from a Christian perspective, but it is mostly common sense. It addresses sex and physical boundaries, but it isn't fixated on it (thank goodness). It is about good boundaries of every sort, and addresses dating as it's supposed to be, and doesn't talk down to those who would like to date without a chaperone sitting ten feet away.

As someone who's made mistakes in dating, this is the book I'm going to keep on my shelf for when my children get to inquiring about how
Jun 15, 2017 rated it liked it
This book was decent. Like all dating books written in the 2000s, it is in part responding to I Kissed Dating Goodbye and I felt like it was a little too pro-dating at times. However, that's not the purpose of the book. The book outlines a lengthy series of potential problems in your dating relationships and how to avoid them or solve them. In this I thought it was well done but I do not think it would be helpful or encouraging for teenagers.
Mar 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Excellent book on how to maturely date. The authors are direct and clear about what is healthy and what is not, and pull from their experience as psychologists and marital counselors to reinforce their points. The bible is used heavily, but their advice stands firm with or without the use of religion.
Mar 06, 2019 rated it it was amazing
A great book. I really think all couples should read this before either dating or while being in a relationship. This can save a lot of broken hearts. Loved it.
Sep 11, 2019 rated it really liked it
Very useful information for those who who either single or are starting to date for the very first time. A lot of this is told based on Christian values and beliefs so it's not for everyone. Most things I found useful, somethings I didn't but I think reading this was good for me to personally build on my personal foundations and boundaries when it comes to relationship. Yeah, that's pretty much it.
Paul Lyons
Jun 25, 2012 rated it liked it
The core of the book focuses on one's boundaries...the rules and standards one needs to set in place in order to not only find the right person to marry, yet also be the right person for yourself. Part 1 of the book focuses on one's needs...and how important it is to be at peace (in a way) with one's self before devoting your time and energy to another. The doctors stress that dating is for adults, and not for children...and one should approach dating in a mature fashion, otherwise you may ...more
Sep 15, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Excellent book to read before you make the leap.
I only wish I'd read it earlier in life and had the capacity to follow the advice within.
Jan 28, 2013 rated it liked it
Goodstuff. The opening really captured my full attention when it began with a very common story that we can totally relate to. And when your interest is captured, there comes the means. This book helps you to discover what you want in a relationship, what kind of partner that is suitable for you and what kind of person you should be to pick the right person and build a life-term relationship. Detail enough, the analogies were awesome, that the arguments were much easier to visualize. However, ...more
Oct 22, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
There was a lot I already knew, so it was kind of review. Not to say it wasn't good, it was, (as evidenced by the numerous highlights), but much of it was stuff I've already heard/thought about.

I had one beef with the authors' premise. They mention different times and in different ways that dating is how you learn about yourself and grow. It seemed to me almost like they were saying that dating is the best (if not only) way for those things to happen. I strongly disagree on that. Maybe I got the
Jan 20, 2013 rated it really liked it
Usually dating-type books are hard for me, because I don't always take *everything* out of the read. While not everything applied to me, I did find a lot of good reminders and overall truths.

What I really liked about the book was that it forced me to stop and examine my past behaviors and think about not repeating them, as well as constructive ways to turn those past behaviors into positives. For example, saying you want your date to do something without consequences is nagging - but if you give
Alla Kim
Jan 27, 2011 rated it really liked it
I really enjoyed this book and recomend this book to anyone with relationship problems or worries etc. This book is a book that can help you have a healthy christian relationship with your partner. I believe that in every relationship you need god to help you grow in love and life. Boundries in Dating can really connect with the reader and help the reader understand relationships and the cause of problems etc. This book really opens your eyes as you read it and you begin to realize things in ...more
I started reading this book last October when I first started dating my fiance. Over time, marriage preparation books became more important, and this book was set aside. I finally decided to skim through the last 20-30 pages so that I could know that I had completed this book. While there is some useful information in this book, the material wasn't nearly as applicable as the material in the original "Boundaries" book. For me, it was hard to get through "Boundaries in Dating," but it may be that ...more
Oct 17, 2011 rated it really liked it
As I read through this, I couldn't help but think at how much common sense was in it, and how obvious his points were. It almost seemed insulting to my intelligence. But I also couldn't help but think how many people fail to live up to such simple, common sense principles. I see reviews of this book where people never got much out of it because everything in it seemed so obvious to them, but I question if they actually have a healthy dating life and are actually using these principles, or are ...more
Brandon H.
While it wasn't the most exciting read it did have important information one should know when it comes to relationships and dating. Wish I would have read it when it first came out! If you practice the principles offered in it, it will not only help you grow but also attract the healthy people ready for a relationship that has the potential to last and be fulfilling. It will also help you improve relationship you're in or help you see the need to move on to a better relationship.

A quote: "Often
Hillary Etheridge
Jun 22, 2016 rated it it was amazing
I bought this book years ago before I really entered the dating world. now that I am in the midst of dating, I have found this book to be an invaluable resource of both practical and spiritual applications. I highly recommend this book to those in the trenches of dating. Young or old. It's so good.
Feb 28, 2011 rated it did not like it
Pedantic in tone and overly simplistic in content, this book reads like Townsend/Cloud intended it for a high school youth group, not functioning adults.
Most who kissed Fundamentalist Christianity goodbye long ago probably won't choose to read this anyway.

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Dr. Cloud has written or co-written twenty-five books, including the two million-seller Boundaries. His most recent books are Boundaries for Leaders and Necessary Endings. He has earned three Gold Medallion awards, and was awarded the distinguished Retailers Choice award for God Will Make A Way.

As president of Cloud-Townsend Resources, Dr. Cloud has produced and conducted hundreds of public

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Twists, turns, and whodunits. We pride ourselves on recommending some great mysteries and thrillers here at the Goodreads office. So, we decided...
63 likes · 26 comments
“Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.” 33 likes
“If you do not allow yourself to rush into falling for someone that you have not become friends with first, you will be more sure when you let yourself go to the next step. Certainly you might find yourself having all sorts of feelings. Enjoy them. But do not believe them. Only believe your experience of getting to know a person and seeing if you can share at a deep level. See if you find that he or she is a person of the kind of character you would trust as a friend. And as important as all of that, see if that person is a person that you would like spending time with if there were no romance at all. That is the one true measure of a friend, a person with whom you like to spend time, having no regard to how you are spending it. “Hanging out” is fulfilling in and of itself. And that, long-term, requires character, and in the deepest of friendships, shared values as well. You would want your best friends to be honest, faithful, deep, spiritual, responsible, connecting, growing, loving, and the like. Make sure that those qualities are also present in the person you are falling in love with.” 7 likes
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