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A Woman Is No Man

Etaf Rum (Goodreads Author)

4.25 · Rating details · 84,667 ratings · 9,834 reviews

This debut novel by an Arab-American voice,takes us inside the lives of conservative Arab women living in America.

In Brooklyn, eighteen-year-old Deya is starting to meet with suitors. Though she doesn’t want to get married, her grandparents give her no choice. History is repeating itself: Deya’s mother, Isra, also had no choice when she left Palestine as a teenager to marr ...more

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Hardcover, 339 pages

Published March 5th 2019 by Harper (first published February 8th 2019)

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· 84,667 ratings · 9,834 reviews

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Apr 03, 2019 Nilufer Ozmekik rated it it was amazing

Shelves: all-time-favorites, on-my-read-list, best-ones

This book like a gun blast to my chest, ripped my emotions and scatter them all over the places.
This book made me sooo angry, this book made me cry, this book made me curse, hate the characters, made me feel sorry for the unfairness, inequality, ignorance !
There was not any exaggeration, there are too many women in the world suffering the rules from patriarchal culture, customs, illogical traditions made them feel vulnerable, worthless and weak. They never know how important their lives, how to ...more

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Nov 11, 2018 Etaf Rum rated it it was amazing · (Review from the author)

I'd like to thank everyone who's taken the time to read. Regardless of whether you loved the book or hated it, thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts here. ...more

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Dec 02, 2018 Will Byrnes rated it it was amazing

Shelves: historical-fiction, literary-fiction, books_of_the_year-2019, fiction, immigration, palestine, feminist, brooklyn, new-york-city, arab

I was born without a voice, one cold, overcast day in Brooklyn, New York. No one ever spoke of my condition. I did not know I was mute until years later, when I’d opened my mouth to ask for what I wanted and realized no one could hear me.

Deya Ra’Ad, a Brooklyn teenager, had been raised by people who guarded old-world beliefs and customs. It was expected of her that she would agree to marry one of the Muslim suitors who passed her family’s muster, and begin producing babies as soon as possibl ...more

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Nov 19, 2018 Leena Weddy rated it it was amazing

THIS BOOK. Holy shit. To be completely honest, even as a Palestinian Muslim who has spent her entire life unapologetically refusing to abide by patriarchal norms, the concept of this book scared me. So honest and raw, but so public. Muslims & all POC know too well that you don’t air your dirty laundry. You don’t talk about all your shit in front of outsiders. Even if it comes at the expense of your community’s advancement, you deny that there are any deeply rooted problems, for fear of confirmin ...more

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Jun 23, 2019 Robin rated it it was ok

Shelves: 2019, american, debut, group-read, young-adult

This Book is No Literary Masterpiece

A Woman Is No Man definitely did not come close to meeting my expectations. While the subject matter is indeed worthy (the oppression of women in the Arab culture) and the story full of potential (the voiced experiences of three generations of Palestinian women) I feel I have just read something of sub-par quality.

From the first chapter, I could not shed the impression that I was reading a mediocre YA novel, not literary fiction. This book has a distinct l ...more

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Mar 13, 2019 Fatma rated it it was ok

Shelves: audiobooks, historical-fiction

1.5 stars

wow this just completely missed the mark huh

◘ I'm so starved for any kind of Arab representation in fiction, let alone ownvoices Muslim Arab representation, so I jumped at the chance to read this when the audiobook popped up on Scribd. And oh boy was I disappointed.

◘ This book's biggest weakness is without a doubt its lack of nuance. I don't want to be the person that's like oh the oppression you represented in your book isn't complicated enough. I'm sure women did and still do experience the kind of marginalization Rum depicts in this book: domestic abuse, a lack of choices, physical confinement, etc. And I also know the amount of pressure that gets put on works by authors of colour to be representative of their entire ethnic/racial groups. I don't want to hold Rum responsible for somehow failing to encapsulate the entirety of the Arab experience; no one book can do that. But all that being said, I still think her book severely lacked nuance—in its representation of all its characters, in its messages, in everything, really.

◘ More than nuance, I think this novel suffers from being EXTREMELY repetitive. By the time you get to the halfway point of the narrative, it feels like you're just reading the same scenes over and over again: Isra makes tea for her mother-in-law, her mother-in-law is disappointed that she's given birth to a girl, Deya's grandmother tells her she should consider her marriage options, Deya says she doesn't want to, Isra loves to read, ad infinitum. When you're reading the same scenes represented in the same simplistic, on-the-nose ways again and again and again, the reading experience starts to drag, quickly.

◘ All of this is not to say that I'm not happy that this book was written; I'm all for more stories about Arab experiences, especially ownvoices ones. I definitely wish there were more, but I'm glad that Arab authors are getting the chance to get books published. I didn't much like this novel in particular, but here's hoping that other good ones are written. ...more

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Nov 19, 2019 Justin Tate rated it really liked it

The plot isn't creative and the writing dexterity is limited, but it gives voice to a largely voiceless population. Arab women so rarely show up in literature that hearing a story--any story--from their perspective feels fresh and exciting, even when the general premise is tired.

I can appreciate, too, that this isn't just about Arab women, it also seems to be written directly for them. One of the leads is forced to sneak around to read books because it isn't culturally appropriate. She laments t ...more

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Mar 13, 2019 Diane S ☔ rated it really liked it

Shelves: lor-2019

A look inside an embedded patriarchal culture. Isra loves to read, books show her a wider world than the insular one where she lives. Custom, however, dictates that women cannot continue with their schooling but must marry instead. When a Palestinian family, one who now make their home in New York, travel back to Palestine to find a bride for their eldest son, Isra finds herself married. She wants to fall in love, to be loved and to have more freedom. She is hoping in America to find a three.

A c ...more

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Mar 31, 2019 Jennifer ~ TarHeelReader rated it it was amazing

Sometimes you read a book and you have no idea where to start because your emotions are all over the place? Am I right? But I also want to write my review now because my emotions are fresh, and this book was an emotional ride from start to finish. ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

Told in two past timelines with different narrators, we mostly hear from eighteen-year-old Deya, and her mother, Isra. We also occasionally hear from Fareeda, Deya’s grandmother and Isra’s mother-in-law.

The family is Palestinian, and t Sometimes you read a book and you have no idea where to start because your emotions are all over the place? Am I right? But I also want to write my review now because my emotions are fresh, and this book was an emotional ride from start to finish. ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

Told in two past timelines with different narrators, we mostly hear from eighteen-year-old Deya, and her mother, Isra. We also occasionally hear from Fareeda, Deya’s grandmother and Isra’s mother-in-law.

The family is Palestinian, and the story begins with Isra living in Palestine and succumbing to an arranged marriage with a Palestinian American, Adam. I say “succumbing” because she did not want to get married and leave her family thousands of miles behind.

Isra also shares that she did not grow up in the most loving of homes, including insights into a daughter’s unique role in the family- getting the tea and coffee just right, not being educated, and keeping quiet about the physical abuse that occurs.

Deya also does not want to get married, and Fareeda is working hard to arrange her match. Deya Dreams of college and loves to read. She travels many of the same roads as her mother- being seen as a burden because she is a girl, not placing a value on her education, her voice not being heard, requiring constant supervision…

There’s also a mystery within this story. Deya has been told her parents died in a car accident, but she learns that is not the case. So what happened to them? There is a web of secrets Deya never could have imagined.

I savored A Woman Is No Man. I read it slowly and reflected throughout. The writing is beautiful, but precise, and completely engaging, and it begs thoughtfulness. In my own family, I received mixed messages about the roles of women, but mostly, my biggest takeaways were that I was to be educated and fierce. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be taught the exact opposite messages, repeatedly, day in and out, with total silence about reality being the norm.

Overall, A Woman Is No Man is a thoughtful, honest, powerful portrayal of a family, its cultural values, and its inner workings. Sometimes we remember the experiences we have while reading a book. The thoughts, self-reflections. I can tell you this story will never leave me.

This important article written by the author is not to be missed. https://lithub.com/even-after-writing...

I received a complimentary copy. All opinions are my own.

My reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com ...more

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Mar 08, 2019 Kelly (and the Book Boar) rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2019, liburrrrrry-book, everyone-loved-it-but-me, book-of-the-month-selection, dysfunction-junction

Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/

Let me begin by saying that after my last experience with an internet famous "author" (term used as loosely as possible since she didn’t even write the thing, but failed to give credit where credit was due until being called out about it), there is zero chance I would have ever read this. Unfortunately, I’m not super hip on the times and as soon as I saw this was going to be a Book of the Month selection I immediately put a library ...more

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May 22, 2020 jessica rated it liked it · review of another edition

wow. this book holds so many significant messages - the importance of educating oneself, how to find your voice, leaning that self-acceptance is the only necessary acceptance, and what it means to be a woman. but most importantly, this also shows how life-saving stories/books can be. i adored the critical role reading plays in many of the characters lives. as a bookworm, nothing makes me happier.

that being said, i have a couple of critiques. i dont really like how men are portrayed in this. eve ...more

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Feb 20, 2019 Hannah rated it did not like it

I think this book is about how women are oppressed? Maybe? It’s mentioned only 20 times on every page, so it’s a little unclear.

I hope the sarcasm there is as transparent as this book’s message. Bad, heavy-handed writing reads like what a beginner creative writing student produces. HERE IS MY THEME, it announces. HERE IS MY MESSAGE. MY CHARACTERS TAKE A BACK SEAT TO MY SOCIAL COMMENTARY. Not sure how this has such a high rating on Goodreads, or anywhere, for that matter. Bad bad bad.

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Mar 30, 2019 Karen rated it it was amazing

This is a heartbreaking story of three generations of Palestinian-American women in one family..who have been oppressed by their culture. Trying to find a voice in their world dominated by men.
This was a deeply affecting novel, a fantastic debut..and I loved it!

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Jul 01, 2019 Jen rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 5-star-favourites

This is one of those stories that will dig in deep and make you want to scream at these cultures that undervalue women.
We know we are different -physically - but that’s where it stops.
Putting my anger aside, this is a beautifully written story of 2 Women who have migrated to America from Palestine and a daughter born in America.
The struggle of upholding traditional customs while assimilating into a new culture.

Rum captures voices of traditions, secrets and shame; Loneliness and depression. She ...more

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May 06, 2019 Cheri rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: cultural, 2019, domestic-violence, cultural-palestinian-american

”Where I come from, voicelessness is the condition of my gender, as normal as the bosoms on a woman’s chest, as necessary as the next generation growing inside her belly.”

”Where I come from, we’ve learned to conceal our condition. We’ve been taught to silence ourselves, that our silence will save us. It is only now, many years later, that I know this to be false. Only now, as I write this story, do I feel my voice coming.”

”You’ve never heard this story before. No matter how many books ...more

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Mar 29, 2019 Michelle rated it liked it

Shelves: march-2019-reads

Prepare to feel conflicted.
If you liked my last inner dialogue review, you're in luck because this is going to be a long mess. (My thoughts that is.)

Let's talk a little bit about me. I'm 37, white, of Russian/German/French/Swedish/Irish/Canadian descent, born and raised in Buffalo, NY. I'm a progressive, have a graduate degree and am part of the middle class. (Whatever that means anymore.) The reason for the bio is that I could not be further away from the characters in this book. Besides being Prepare to feel conflicted.
If you liked my last inner dialogue review, you're in luck because this is going to be a long mess. (My thoughts that is.)

Let's talk a little bit about me. I'm 37, white, of Russian/German/French/Swedish/Irish/Canadian descent, born and raised in Buffalo, NY. I'm a progressive, have a graduate degree and am part of the middle class. (Whatever that means anymore.) The reason for the bio is that I could not be further away from the characters in this book. Besides being a woman myself, that's about it. I decided to read this because I'm trying to read about people, cultures and places I know very little about because that is what is so wonderful about reading. You may not have the means to travel to all the places you want to go (or meet the people you want to meet, eat the food, etc. etc.), but with reading, you can go anywhere and be anyone.

I know nothing about Palestine. Nothing. If I was to play the word association game and someone said Palestine, the first words that would come to my mind are Israel or Bill Clinton. Yup - that's what we're working with here. So again - back to the book - I jumped at the chance to learn and educate myself. I think this was a good book. I liked it. However, I think there should be some asterisks involved to all of the readers who could be described similarly to me.

1) Palestine is located in a very volatile and complex part of the world. Everything should be taken with a grain of salt here only because I am totally uneducated and it takes many different perspectives and lots of research to form an educated opinion on something. Especially some place and somewhere like this.

2) The cycle of violence and marginalization of women that is probably 3/4 of this book (more on that later) also makes me think this should be taken with a grain of salt. Again, this is one view of an entire culture/group of people. I can't paint every Arab/Palestinian family with this brush because that's just not fair.

3) I think the author was very brave to write about this if this is what she knows. I don't know anything about her, I haven't looked into her reasons for writing this at all, but I want to recognize anyone's courage for a) writing a book b) writing a book like this. Here is why: you KNOW that people are going to read this and say, "Wow, what a mess those people are! Beating their wives and children, having baby after baby after baby (especially because you can go on welfare) we should NEVER let them stay in county x if they come here." I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this kind of behavior happens in every culture.

So while I think there is a lot of value here, I think someone who reads this needs to make sure they go a step further and look for more.

What confused the crap out of me - I didn't quite understand why the needle on the record got stuck and we just kept listening to the same sound on a loop. I've seen other reviews where people likened this to being beaten over the head with the domestic violence and oppression of women, but man - I was on page 200 and thought what is the point of all this? Where is this going? Why are all the characters stuck? And the ending. WTF? (view spoiler)

Overall - I guess you should read this, but be prepared to skim-read. I didn't, but I think a lot of people will. There are important things that are said here, but it's one perspective out of many. It's our job as responsible citizens to educate ourselves on the full picture. I have to work very hard every day to go against my inner biases and that doesn't stop with what I read either. Also, if you're still reading this - you're a true friend and I thank you for staying with me. :) ...more

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Mar 17, 2019 Offended Palestinian rated it did not like it

As a Palestinian woman born and raised in Brooklyn, New York I’m tremendously offended by the context of this book. I lived in Bay Ridge, and all I remember from my childhood was being in a loving, warm and supportive environment. My parents, my father especially insisted that I go to school and do well. He paid my way through private school and then through college. Not once did I ever feel oppressed, or less than my brothers. I was surrounded by strong liberal women, my mother being the first ...more

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Apr 08, 2019 Muberra added it

Shelves: islam

Can we get a book centred around Muslim characters that's not about forced marriages, terrorism etc? Or are we just going to stick with the same narrative that we are "backwards" and "oppressed" to reinforce the wests perception of us? ...more

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Nov 14, 2018 Amy Bruestle rated it liked it

Shelves: books-i-own, giveaways

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. ****SPOILER ALERT****

I want to start off by saying that I was fortunate enough to have won this book from a giveaway in exchange for an honest review...

3.5 stars is my rating for this book, here’s why:

The concept for this book alone is definitely 5-star worthy! Stories like Isra’s and Deya’s need to be told more often, as there really isn’t much literature out there about the struggles Arabic women have faced and are currently facing! But as much as I was pulled in with interest about this topic ****SPOILER ALERT****

I want to start off by saying that I was fortunate enough to have won this book from a giveaway in exchange for an honest review...

3.5 stars is my rating for this book, here’s why:

The concept for this book alone is definitely 5-star worthy! Stories like Isra’s and Deya’s need to be told more often, as there really isn’t much literature out there about the struggles Arabic women have faced and are currently facing! But as much as I was pulled in with interest about this topic, it couldn’t have been told much slower. Unfortunately it felt to me like the author just prolonged the book by dragging out and repeating the same things over and over in different but extremely similar ways. This is mainly where I struggled with the book. I don’t know if the author repeated things on purpose in hopes of reiterating the importance of the point she was trying to make, or if she simply didn’t realize her repetition. As far as spelling and grammar goes, I only came across a few errors throughout the book, but for the most part, it was mistake-free. Lastly, my only other “issue” per-say with the book, is the ending! Like seriously??! My personal opinion only, but I think it would have ended better with Deya being the last chapter...but my main issue was how it ended with Isra getting on the subway with her daughters. We know that Adam ends up killing her, so it seemed weird that it didn’t include any mention of that in the ending. Especially because it felt like the last 20 chapters were all building up to that scene, and then “Poof!” ...NOTHING. Isra gets on a subway. That bothered me.

However, even though there were things that I didn’t like, there were also many things that I did enjoy! The story itself was wonderful. If Etaf Rum had condensed it better, I think it would make a huge difference! It is obvious that she has talent, and you can feel her voice speak through the pages!

I think the author was great in writing this and getting her story out there! The events in this book need to be talked about more! ...more

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Feb 01, 2019 Book of the Month added it

Why I love it
by Siobhan Jones

Before I tell you about this book, I have to tell you a little about its author. Etaf Rum is one of the most thoughtful, dedicated #bookstagrammers in the game. For a few years now, she’s been sharing great literature on her Instagram feed, @booksandbeans, and tirelessly advocating for up-and-coming authors. When I found out she was writing a book of her own, I was pleased for her. And when I read it and found it to be really, really good, I was completely elated.

A W ...more

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Feb 23, 2019 Stacey A. Prose and Palate rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 2019-reads

“On her knees on the floor, she could barely breathe. Blood leaked from her nose and down her chin. But she wiped her face and told herself she would take a beating every night if it meant standing up for her girls.”

Every now and then a book comes along that impacts me so much it changes who I am as a reader and as a person. It leaves me reeling, it haunts me, it compels me to dig deeper, to stop everyone I know and tell them “if you only read one book this month, THIS IS THE BOOK YOU NEED TO RE ...more

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Apr 17, 2019 Kathleen rated it it was amazing

Pressure. I can’t even conceive of the pressure immigrant Arab women must live under. Rum is the daughter of Palestinian immigrants herself, and like her character Deya Ra’Ad she was born and raised in Brooklyn in a Palestinian-Arab enclave. The pressure to maintain Palestinian customs and its patriarchal culture is suffocating. Rum has chosen to expose the burden this places on women, despite the fact that it plays into certain anti-Arab stereotypes.

Rum tells the stories of three women. There i ...more

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Apr 06, 2020 Britany rated it really liked it

Shelves: bookofthemonth, own, bookriot, 2020, historical-fiction

Two storylines- Two nations and Two outcomes.

1990: Isra lives in Palenstine and her marriage is arranged between the Ra'ad family who live in America. Isra believes this is the fresh start and freedom lays ahead. 2008: Deya is living in a muslim household with her grandparents in her senior year of high school. She dreams of college, but her grandmother dreams of a suitor to marry her off to.

As you can imagine, the storylines converge and we quickly understand the relationships and the tough lo ...more

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Mar 19, 2019 Alex rated it it was ok

Shelves: dnf

Nope. Had to DNF. This was wrong on so many levels. It starts with a premise I was excited about, looking at the Palestinian diaspora but disappointed on all levels. The characters are caricatures, there is no subtlety just hammer the heads of the readers with the themes of misogyny and the plight of women in Muslim/Arab American families, but falls back on the worst stereotypes to convey the point. these are issues I want explored but I could not connect with the tone and voices the author reli ...more

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Aug 08, 2018 Maxwell added it

Shelves: owned, arc

Disclaimer: I received an early review copy of this book from the author. However, all thoughts & opinions expressed in this review are 100% my own.

This novel follows three generations of Palestinian women in one family. Isra, our main character, is married off to Adam and taken to live with his family in Brooklyn, NY. Her new mother-in-law, Fareeda, is deeply enmeshed in the patriarchal ways of their culture and pushes those same beliefs on Isra—beliefs like a woman is only good for childbearin ...more

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Feb 09, 2019 Lisa rated it really liked it

The cover, title and preface of A Woman Is No Man are very striking and I was drawn into the pages immediately. Set in Brooklyn, the novel is about the voiceless women in a Palestinian immigrant family.

The story felt familiar, I have read so many novels about the oppressed lives of women living within insular communities - Orthodox Jewish, Morman, Saudi Arabian etc. But Rum has created the story anew. She captures the trapped doom of Isra perfectly. I rooted for her and her daughters while wish ...more

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May 28, 2019 Justin rated it really liked it

Good lord, this is a powerful little book. I listened to it, and it’s narrated by three different women, and something about hearing the emotion in their voices as the dialogue unfolded made things much more intense than if I had just read the words off the page. It’s a story about a culture I’m honestly not very familiar with, but boy did a learn a lot listening to this. It’s fiction, sure, but it opened my eyes to a world I didn’t know much about. It made me more empathetic and understanding. ...more

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Sep 18, 2020 Betsy Robinson rated it really liked it

If she were back home [Palestine], where a husband beating his wife was as ordinary as a father beating his child, Isra might have had someone to talk to. But Sarah was practically an American, and Nadine had Omar wrapped around her finger. Isra had to pretend nothing was wrong. (185)

This is a riveting story about generations of Palestinian American women. A page turner. The writing is sturdy (not lyrical, as one of the cover blurbs says), and that is not a criticism. It’s delivers plot, and th ...more

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Feb 06, 2020 Margitte rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: family-sagas, 2020-read, american-author, american-novel, middle-eastern, reviewed, drama, fiction, 2019-releases

Someone remarked in his review: "This Book. Holy shit."

That's how I felt about it.

It's raw. Brutal. Honest. Heart-breaking. Upsetting. Very real.

Three generations of Palestinian women tell their stories. They are all members of one family in New York. This novel is about their diaspora from Palestine and their lack of adjustment to their new environment in America. It's about the clashes between the old and new world. The challenges of the matriarch to keep old traditions instilled, while the s Someone remarked in his review: "This Book. Holy shit."

That's how I felt about it.

It's raw. Brutal. Honest. Heart-breaking. Upsetting. Very real.

Three generations of Palestinian women tell their stories. They are all members of one family in New York. This novel is about their diaspora from Palestine and their lack of adjustment to their new environment in America. It's about the clashes between the old and new world. The challenges of the matriarch to keep old traditions instilled, while the second generation adjust better, and the third generation reject the old completely. The conflict.

I felt claustrophobic. Wanted to escape the physical confinement, the marginalization, lack of confidence, fear, the never-ending repeats, once again. This book allowed the reader to walk in the three women's shoes. It was a sad but unbelievable experience.

I felt empathy for the entire family, including the men who had their own struggles, but the wrong way of addressing their hurt, worries, responsibilities, and roles in their own society. One thing is for certain, and that is that not all Muslim men resort to violence on women. Another thing is, that millions of non-Muslim men treat women exactly the same. Have been doing it for thousand of years. Women abuse comes in all walks of life, in all cultures. Thirdly, we cannot ignore the marital abuse of husbands by wives in many cultures. Violence is evil. No matter where it shows its ugly face. Fareeda helped destroy the women in her household with her physical and emotional abuse. She destroyed her sons. Yet, I felt empathy for her. Now bite me.

There were too many repeats. I was actually wondering about this aspect of this novel. Why was it done? What purpose did it serve? The only reason I can find is that it was meant to enhance the shock value. It did not work, if that was the case. It totally broke the spell, since I felt manipulated. A mistake.

The ending totally confused me. Where in the world did that sneak in? Nothing in the book lead up to it. I sat staring at it for quite while. Reread it. Paged back. Couldn't find a clue. What and where did I go wrong? I'm still gobsmacked. I hope someone can tell me what I missed, please. There goes the stars, sorry. Not because I am annoyed, but because it doesn't make sense. If there was any indications, even hidden, it would have been awesome. And very happy indeed.

The novel captured my attention and my feelings. I felt as helpless as Isra, Deya, Fareeda and Sarah up to a point. The middle of the tale, to be exact. Despite all that, I had the feeling that there was not suppose to be any rapport between the reader and the story, as though we were forced to stand outside and look in. We as readers do not really become part of the story. We were kept estranged from the characters. Perhaps a mistake in my humble opinion.

Should the story be told. Absolutely. Kudos to the author.

It was not the best experience in this genre, for me. However, it's worth a read. ...more

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Jun 24, 2019 may ❀ rated it it was ok

Shelves: asian-authors, audiobook, arab, bye, 300-pgs, real-problems, contemporary, standalones

book #2 for #ReadTheMiddleEast readathon ✓

to say i am conflicted is to put it lightly

i have A LOT of thoughts but fjkldajfkal will i write this review or not????? stay tuned to find out!!!

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