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It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand
by
A New Resource for Those Experiencing Loss
With It’s OK That You’re Not OK, Megan Devine offers a profound new approach to both the experience of grief and the way we help others who have endured tragedy. Having experienced grief from both sides—as both a therapist and as a woman who witnessed the accidental drowning of her beloved partner—Megan writes with deep insight ab ...more
With It’s OK That You’re Not OK, Megan Devine offers a profound new approach to both the experience of grief and the way we help others who have endured tragedy. Having experienced grief from both sides—as both a therapist and as a woman who witnessed the accidental drowning of her beloved partner—Megan writes with deep insight ab ...more
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Published
November 1st 2017
by Sounds True
(first published 2017)
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Start your review of It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand
This is hands-down the best book on grief I've found, and I've been looking for a good many years now.
Megan Devine introduces the topic by telling readers that she had been a therapist/grief counselor, giving her clients the standard advice about "getting past" grief, "moving on," "finding closure," etc. Then her fiance died, and she discovered that none of that was helpful.
This book contains the wisdom she's gained after ten years of living with grief; trying to figure out why so much of our ...more
Megan Devine introduces the topic by telling readers that she had been a therapist/grief counselor, giving her clients the standard advice about "getting past" grief, "moving on," "finding closure," etc. Then her fiance died, and she discovered that none of that was helpful.
This book contains the wisdom she's gained after ten years of living with grief; trying to figure out why so much of our ...more
“For those who are the stuff of other people’s nightmares” - Wow! This quote sure hits home for me. My 21 year old son killed in a tragic car accident. What do you say to a mother who’s lost her son? Fear takes over in the people around you because they know it could happen to them, and they don’t want to think about that, it’s too painful. So the platitudes and “fixing” begins - or - they slowly disappear.
Megan Devine’s book is powerful, honest, and necessary in this culture that doesn’t under ...more
Megan Devine’s book is powerful, honest, and necessary in this culture that doesn’t under ...more
I found this book hard to review, as the author states every person’s grief is different. I thought it was very well written.
My father passed away not that long ago so I wanted to read something that could help me process what I was feeling. The author hits the nail on the head when she said the way we deal with grief is broken; this rang so true for me.
I loved how he book was set out in a way you can read all at once or dip in and out when there is a particular subject your struggling with. T ...more
My father passed away not that long ago so I wanted to read something that could help me process what I was feeling. The author hits the nail on the head when she said the way we deal with grief is broken; this rang so true for me.
I loved how he book was set out in a way you can read all at once or dip in and out when there is a particular subject your struggling with. T ...more
This was a helpful and comforting book in many ways, but I have to admit I was really offended by Devine’s grief hierarchy in the beginning. This is a book for people experiencing grief so why exclude people who don’t fit her definition of deserving to grieve? I completely agree that out-of-order deaths must be the most intense. But her assumption is that sudden, accidental deaths of young people (like that of her boyfriend) are uniquely hard to process, and the book reads almost more like a mem
...more
Suffering from a very recent loss myself I have been on the quest to cope, to try and understand my grief. Although I could relate to situations and the emotions I didn’t really connect with it. Perhaps this book was not for me but it does make a lot of valid points.
This is THE book to read whether you are in the throes of early grief or whether long-term grief has settled in your bones. Ms. Devine is masterful at articulating the varied and harsh realities grievers (and those who support them) face on a daily basis and then provides real tools to identify your own path forward by validating your story of devastation, of hopelessness, and of love.
Through "It's OK That You're Not OK," I learned concepts for living with the death of my daughter and how to bu ...more
Through "It's OK That You're Not OK," I learned concepts for living with the death of my daughter and how to bu ...more
I read Megan's book with my dad's death in mind. What she had to offer was so helpful, and made me feel better about the fact that the typical approaches to dealing with my grief felt not just inadequate, but they actually made me feel worse. The amazing thing is that not only did thinking about things differently take an immense load off of me around my father's death, but also around some other relationships that I've lost in the last few years. Her work is equally applicable to the grief of t
...more
Finally, a resource emerged that allowed me to accept my grief without shame, excuses or timetables. The author, Megan Devine, is a pioneer; paving a new path for those who have suffered debilitating loss by allowing them to see grief in a new way. She calmly and lovingly explains what well-meaning people in our culture do with grief and she does it without blame or shame. A lifesaving book and a must read. I have finally given my grief permission to be felt, experienced and carried in love beca
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DNF
Looks like I’m In the monority because I couldn’t even make myself finish it.
Yes-I’m sorry for what she went through. Yes, people say stupid things when someone dies, no, you don’t just “get over it”.
I’ve been on both sides-we all have. One day you’re saying the stupid things, next day you’re hearing them said to you. Most people in grief do realize that others are trying to show they care when they say these things. And are just grateful for your presence. This book made me paranoid I can ne ...more
Looks like I’m In the monority because I couldn’t even make myself finish it.
Yes-I’m sorry for what she went through. Yes, people say stupid things when someone dies, no, you don’t just “get over it”.
I’ve been on both sides-we all have. One day you’re saying the stupid things, next day you’re hearing them said to you. Most people in grief do realize that others are trying to show they care when they say these things. And are just grateful for your presence. This book made me paranoid I can ne ...more
Best for: Those who are grieving, or those who want to be better prepared to support those who are grieving.
In a nutshell: People who are grieving deserve better than what society offers them. This book attempts to provide some direction towards that.
Line that sticks with me: “We have to be able to see what’s true without fear of being seen as weak, damaged, or somehow failing the cultural storyline.” (p 54).
Why I chose it: Ms. Devine spoke at an event I attended this past weekend, and was kind ...more
In a nutshell: People who are grieving deserve better than what society offers them. This book attempts to provide some direction towards that.
Line that sticks with me: “We have to be able to see what’s true without fear of being seen as weak, damaged, or somehow failing the cultural storyline.” (p 54).
Why I chose it: Ms. Devine spoke at an event I attended this past weekend, and was kind ...more
Acknowledgment and recognition, served straight up — beginning with the dedication: "For those who are the stuff of other people's nightmares". Filled with insights on the full realities of deep grief and our culture's aversion to pain, this book is a must-read for those who've suffered a deep loss, including an out-of-order death, and those who want most to support them. This is the book I wish I'd had when my younger brother died. 14 years after his death, I know these words hold the wisdom of
...more
It's been almost 5 months since my daughter Rosalind died, when she was 4 weeks old. My grief never goes away. Somedays it's smothering, some days bearable, but it's always there.
This book focuses on how culture and society treat those going through grief and loss, and some tips and advice for those going through it.
I learned a lot, and feel better able to get through the hard days to come, and think anybody going through any grief or loss, or supporting those that are should read this book. ...more
This book focuses on how culture and society treat those going through grief and loss, and some tips and advice for those going through it.
I learned a lot, and feel better able to get through the hard days to come, and think anybody going through any grief or loss, or supporting those that are should read this book. ...more
This book. This book. And I’m not done yet – each section, so true, so rich, so recognizable to the heart that knows the kind of grief that our society doesn’t see nor hear nor comfort, in its own inability to face pain – I must read a little at a time. What real comfort to be mirrored in words of acknowledgement. Her voice resonates in the soul, and Megan Devine pulls no punches. But then deep grief doesn’t either. And deep love, in all of its terrible loss, and beauty.
I've been gifted, loaned and purchased many grief books in the two years since my son died. I can honestly say that none of those texts resonated with me and the truth of my grief experience more than Megan Devine's new book. She is a credible source of useful information, bringing not only her educational and occupational background to bear but more importantly her own life experience with deep loss and a broken culture. Above all, she is a truth teller and an advocate you'll want in your grief
...more
It's difficult to rate this book because it reads so much like a memoir in some ways, and I enjoyed how vulnerable Devine is willing to get. Yet this book frames itself as a help book for people suffering from grief, and in particular it seems written for an audience in aftermath of "out-of-order" loss. In this way, the book doesn't seem to fit neatly into any one particular genre, and that, for whatever reason, was a friction point for me.
I began reading this book in the immediate aftermath of ...more
I began reading this book in the immediate aftermath of ...more
I am a Megan Devine grief groupie, one of her tribe of after. Found her and this loving group 2 years ago as I desperately searched the web for people like me. Who lost their only child , who knew grief and how to live another second with it. This book is remarkable...it’s genuine words...(and I know how hard it is to find the words are) her words embrace your grief , how to live along side it, not overcome it. Love is always. Love is why we grieve. Yet there is a way to do that...learn to wade ...more
This is THE book to read whether you are in the throes of early grief or whether long-term grief has settled in your bones. Ms. Devine is masterful at articulating the varied and harsh realities grievers (and those who support them) face on a daily basis and then provides real tools to identify your own path forward by validating your story of devastation, of hopelessness, and of love.
Through "It's OK That You're Not OK," I learned concepts for living with the death of my daughter and how to bu ...more
Through "It's OK That You're Not OK," I learned concepts for living with the death of my daughter and how to bu ...more
3.5— would highly recommend the appendix section of this book for anyone trying to support someone grieving.
My dog was my world and I lost her two months ago unexpectedly. I have never dealt with death or grief before and this was a huge loss for me. My boss recommended this book to me and I'm glad she did.
This isn't targeted towards grief over pets at all but more so humans. Pets are on the same level of humans to me so I think a lot of this is applicable to it. It made me feel less alone and not crazy. Megan Devine has a lot of insight to offer and a lot of things she said really resonated with me ...more
This isn't targeted towards grief over pets at all but more so humans. Pets are on the same level of humans to me so I think a lot of this is applicable to it. It made me feel less alone and not crazy. Megan Devine has a lot of insight to offer and a lot of things she said really resonated with me ...more
Every page has something helpful, relatable, and/or supportive. The author somehow put into words things that I didn't even know I was thinking or feeling and it was incredibly refreshing and comforting. If you, or anyone you know, have experienced loss and are grieving this is a must read.
...more
"Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried."
This is a great resource for those grieving and those who want to learn how to support them. Life after loss can be incredibly difficult and this book acknowledges that without offering platitudes or offers of transformation. It's hard to navigate a new reality while existing in a culture wrapped up in minimizing and/or ignoring pain and suffering, so it's refreshing to see a work discuss it at length. The author is intimately acquainted wi ...more
This is a great resource for those grieving and those who want to learn how to support them. Life after loss can be incredibly difficult and this book acknowledges that without offering platitudes or offers of transformation. It's hard to navigate a new reality while existing in a culture wrapped up in minimizing and/or ignoring pain and suffering, so it's refreshing to see a work discuss it at length. The author is intimately acquainted wi ...more
This is a must read for everyone who has suffered a loss or anyone who may in anyway be supporting someone who has suffered a loss. It clearly validates grief and the pain of grief as a natural process of life and not something that needs to be fixed. It helps you to carry your sadness and whatever that means to you into your life going forward without platitudes and promises of great transformation, but from a perspective of love and understanding and being heard.
I received this book as a gift from a dear friend who knows way more about grieving than any human should. Honestly, it should be required reading for the entire human race. Not only will it make those currently suffering through a loss feel normal, but it also gives guidance to those who stand beside them. This will be a book I reread from time to time.
"We are a tribe. The Tribe of After. After death, after loss, after everyone else has moved along, the fellowship of other grievers remains."
Maybe never have I ever read a book that spoke to me more than this one did, and never have I read a book I needed more than I needed this one. ...more
Maybe never have I ever read a book that spoke to me more than this one did, and never have I read a book I needed more than I needed this one. ...more
This is the best book about grief I've read. (And I've read a lot of them)
...more
If you are grieving, get this book. If you are not grieving, read this book in order to help others who are grieving. Or read it, because someday you probably will be grieving.
This should be mandatory reading to anyone grieving. Megan Devine does not sugarcoat anything, and it has been enormously helpful throughout this period of time in my life. It's okay to be sad. Nothing can fix this. Acknowledgment is important. Thank you, Megan.
(I loved this book so much I signed up for her Write Your Grief course.) ...more
(I loved this book so much I signed up for her Write Your Grief course.) ...more
This author understands grief, emotional pain, and suffering. She gives guidance, not rules, on ways to learn how to carry your burden of pain but relieve your suffering. Read this before the Grief Recovery Handbook. If you only read one book about grief, read this one.
I wish this book was everywhere. I wish it was as omnipresent and easy to find as a cup of coffee. I wish it actually was available anywhere you go for a cup of coffee. In every library, bookstore, little free library, grocery or convenient store, hotel room, post office, airport terminal or train station, park bench, bus stop, public restroom, or taxi. It should be everywhere. So that the moment you need it - and you either need it right now or could've used it years ago (it's not too late) or
...more
I found Megan and my tribe at a very crucial time in my grief journey. When I found out she had a book coming out, I joked that selling it would be easy for me because I realized I needed to find her more than I needed basic human needs. But that’s no joke. Megan’s approach to grief, based on her own personal journey, has been a life raft I’ve held tightly to. I’ve been through her grief writing workshops and found things in myself I didn’t know were there, anger, frustration. She addresses grie
...more
| topics | posts | views | last activity | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Grief, Loss, Death, Child Loss | 2 | 9 | Sep 27, 2020 06:16PM |
Readers also enjoyed
Megan Devine is the author of the book It's OK that You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture that Doesn't Understand. A Pacific Northwest writer, speaker, and grief advocate, she currently runs Refuge In Grief, a hub of grief education and outreach, where she leads people through some of the most devastating times of their lives. Together with her team, she facilitates a growing catalog
...more
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“The reality of grief is far different from what others see from the outside. There is pain in this world that you can't be cheered out of. You don't need solutions. You don't need to move on from your grief. You need someone to see your grief, to acknowledge it. You need someone to hold your hands while you stand there in blinking horror, staring at the hole that was your life. Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.”
—
41 likes
“Some things cannot be fixed; they can only be carried. Grief like yours, love like yours, can only be carried.
Survival in grief, even eventually building a new life alongside grief, comes with the willingness to bear witness, both to yourself and to the others who find themselves inside this life they didn’t see coming. Together, we create real hope for ourselves,
and for one another. We need each other to survive.
I wish this for you: to find the people you belong with, the ones who will see your pain, companion you, hold you close,
even as the heavy lifting of grief is yours alone. As hard as they may seem to find at times, your community is out there. Look
for them. Collect them. Knit them into a vast flotilla of light that can hold you.”
—
28 likes
More quotes…
Survival in grief, even eventually building a new life alongside grief, comes with the willingness to bear witness, both to yourself and to the others who find themselves inside this life they didn’t see coming. Together, we create real hope for ourselves,
and for one another. We need each other to survive.
I wish this for you: to find the people you belong with, the ones who will see your pain, companion you, hold you close,
even as the heavy lifting of grief is yours alone. As hard as they may seem to find at times, your community is out there. Look
for them. Collect them. Knit them into a vast flotilla of light that can hold you.”
