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Noah Can't Even (Noah Can't Even, #1)
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Noah Can't Even

( Noah Can't Even #1)

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3.76  ·  Rating details ·  1,522 ratings  ·  293 reviews
Poor Noah Grimes!

His dad disappeared years ago, his mother's Beyonce tribute act is an unacceptable embarrassment, and his beloved gran isn't herself anymore. He only has one friend, Harry, and school is...Well, it's pure HELL.

Why can't Noah be normal, like everyone else at school? Maybe if he struck up a romantic relationship with someone - maybe Sophie, who is perfect a
...more
Paperback, 365 pages
Published May 4th 2017 by Scholastic
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C.G. Drews
Noah can't even, but I can't even even more out of sheer disgust. Look I decided not to write negative reviews anymore, but some books horrify me to a level that I feel the need to quietly say something. 😳

✧ it's written like middle-grade (the characters feel 10 to 12 years old + there's toilet humour + lots of "omg I can't BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE THIS" sorts of styles. Yes. All caps, emphasis on every second word, and lots of "embarrassing" situations like wetting your pants.)
✧ but no, it's YA, beca
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☆ Todd
Mar 25, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition

This story was freaking hilarious.



And "Noah Can't Even"? I'm not sure I've ever come across a more aptly-titled book in my life.

Noah was a skinny, socially-inept nerd and, in his misguided quest for popularity and acceptance, he repeatedly made one insanely bad choice after another, which turned his life into a huge web of complicated lies, placing an ever-tightening noose around his own neck and, yep, by the end, Noah "can't even" with any of it.



However, if you're looking for a touching roma
...more
Eli Easton
May 28, 2017 rated it really liked it
First off, I adored the writing style in this book. It's completely and utterly charming, funny, and sweet. I underlined tons of passages and laughed out loud. It's all written in Noah's POV (third person), and he's spastic and awkward and geeky and adorable.

Going up to 60%, I thought this was going to be a 5, 6, 7 star read for me (out of 5). Noah thinks he likes a girl, though his sexual development has been a bit slow on the uptake (he's 15). But when his best friend Harry kisses him at a par
...more
Anyta Sunday
Silly, and OTT, and I loved, LOVED every calamitous moment of this YA novel!

I haven't LOLed like that in ages. Okay, sure, some of the plot read like a soap opera--but sometimes it really does feel that way growing up. Noah was a fun protagonist to read and gives the story heaps of awesome energy.

Seriously refreshing. Fast-paced and fun.

<3 <3 <3

Also, British. Awesomely British.
Al
Jun 06, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Lovely, lovely, loveliness, muchlovely, lovehood, loveingham
☆ Todd
May 26, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2b-mine

This story was freaking hilarious.

And "Noah Can't Even"? I'm not sure I've ever come across a more aptly named book in my life.

Noah was a skinny nerd and, in his misguided quest for popularity and acceptance, he repeatedly made one insanely bad choice after another, which turned his life into a huge web of complicated lies, placing an ever-tightening noose around his own neck and, yep, by the end, Noah "can't even" with any of it.

However, if you're looking for a touching romance, which develops
...more
Tess
May 19, 2017 rated it it was amazing
4.5 stars

Loved it!! Funny, sweet and kinda zany.
Bárbara
Aug 21, 2017 rated it liked it
OH MY...
This was super crazy and hilarious, and somehow charming and adorable.
I really, really liked it!
Lost in a Book
2.5 Stars

*sigh*

It’s me…

*cranky face*

I went into Noah Can’t Even with the preconceived notion that it would be a coming of age read with sexual discovery, lots of humor, sweet and steady relationship progression, and with touching moments interspersed throughout. See? My fault for having so many assumptions

What we actually get is Noah being a nerdy high schooler that thinks there are certain things he can do that would make him a tiny bit more popular and wash away the embarrassment that his pare
...more
Francesca
Jul 31, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favourites
What a treasure of a book!
Funny and poignant at the same time; this deliciously British coming of age is for sure one of the best books I have read this year.
Highly recommended
Andrea Belfiori
Jul 21, 2018 rated it liked it
Devo dire che all'inizio il libro mi aveva preso moltissimo e mi aveva fatto morire dalle risate grazie al protagonista "adorabilmente imbarazzante", però alla lunga la storia è diventata un po' troppo assurda e secondo me troppo piena di eventi (anche se comunque tutto si collega in modo impeccabile). Anche il comportamento di Noah mi è sembrato un po' ripetitivo e ridondante e alla lunga mi ha stancato... Avrei voluto magari che accanto all'umorismo ci fosse una storia un po' più profonda. Res ...more
anna (readingpeaches)
Sep 26, 2018 marked it as dropped
there are embarrassing characters and then there is noah. there's cringe worthy writing and then there is..... this. whatever it is. god not even skim-reading helps..... life is just too short my guys
Sharon
May 18, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Noah is almost sixteen, and has a crush on beautiful classmate Sophie.

When Noah's best friend Harry kisses him at a party, Noah is shocked (but not altogether disappointed). What does this mean for Noah and Sophie? And indeed, Noah and Harry?

As if questioning his sexuality and his friendship with Harry wasn't enough, throw in a Dad who has gone AWOL, a loud, foul mouthed Mum who moonlights as a Beyoncé tribute, an 80s-music-loving Gran with dementia who is plotting an escape from her care home,
...more
Suki Fleet
Aw this had some really sweet moments. Majorly OTT but in a very satisfying way. Reminded me of film ‘Wilt’ somehow. Noah did seem a very young fifteen/sixteen but his innocence was sweet.

The only thing that disappointed me was (view spoiler)
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Antonio
Jan 03, 2018 rated it really liked it
what can i say about this book if not that is the cutest one? i loved everything, such a lovely story with great characters and very well written! i need the sequel now.
Anja V
Aug 30, 2017 marked it as dnf
Shelves: lgbtqia
DNF: 30%

Sorry, but no. I just can't even with this book (I'm sorry, I'll let myself out). I have a rule, where I try to only dnf books that I've read at least 100 pages from, and I swear, I barely made it. Noah is beyond annoying. I cannot comprehend how this book is considered YA with a main character who has the mentality of maybe a 10 year old.

This book is about the shitty life of 15 or 16 year old Noah, who has to deal with his crazy mother, his absent father and a lot of bullying classmate
...more
K
May 14, 2017 rated it really liked it
Very funny everyday story of a 15 year old boy who is a bit of a nerd who loves Agatha Christie/Murder She Wrote, brought up by a single mum who has a Beyonce tribute act, a gran with dementia who is determined to escape her care home, a missing father and a best friend who at a party one day suddenly kisses him.

Noah's life is hectic, a bit over the top is places, but his voice does read as a teenager. The humour and general tone of the book is very British - with Noah adamant that people should
...more
Ulysses Dietz
Aug 06, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Noah Can’t Even
By Simon James Green
Scholastic, 2017
Five stars

Noah Grimes is brilliant. And frustrating, to the point of my wanting to shake him. He overthinks everything. (“Spontaneity is a friend to no one.”) And, for all his obvious intelligence, he makes the worst possible decisions. But Noah is also an innocent on the level of Voltaire’s Candide (without, however, being an optimist – Noah is painfully cynical because of the crap hand he feels he’s been dealt). Nearly sixteen, he wants nothin
...more
Hollie (Hollieblog)
I ignored all the signs.

I ignored the banana on the cover. I ignored the '100% awkward' sticker. I ignored the TITLE. I saw that it was a UKYA debut with LGBTQ+ rep and wanted to support it.

But nope, I can't do it anymore. This book is awful.

I expected the cringe, how could I not? With that blurb and and that title ('can't even', do people still say that?), but the amount of blood curdling 'awkwardness' smashed together in every sentence was enough for me to stop. I am wary of saying a YA book
...more
Sakhile
Nov 03, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Loved this book.
It's a funny, lighthearted look into Noah Grimes' life when he discovers that his best friend is gay and fancies him. The problem is Noah doesn't know how he feels about it, he hasn't quite figured himself out yet all he knows is that he likes his best mate best.

I don't think I've ever been more mortified for a fictional character before in my life as I was for Noah. This book was hilarious. It was a nice change from the serious ya literature we've been getting in 2017.

Also I mi
...more
Ari
Sep 03, 2017 added it
Shelves: ya-mm-lgbt, yayayaya
I'm not goin to rate this book, I dont think this book should be taken seriously.
Some lad somewhere in London has too much time in hand and one night come home drunk and taraaa.. wrote this book

Yeah it gave me chuckles here and there but the irritating and stupid characters (yes plural), stupid plot, left me speechless in disbelieve



I never been feel stupid like this before...
Donna
Mar 26, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 0-lgbtq-read
Yes, I gave this 5 stars, but NOT for the humor... which I, as a general rule, didn't find humorous! :(

I have one of those "mom" senses of humor, so... I mostly just felt sorry for Noah and wished he had a better life. But that didn't mean that I didn't enjoy the story... I did... VERY much! I look forward to reading Noah Never Could because even when you think things can't get any worse, they can... just ask Noah! I hope to see better things for he and Harry in the next installment of Noah's li
...more
Coenraad
Sep 08, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
What a rollicking rollercoaster ride of a read! Simon James Green's debut is fast paced, full of attractive and interesting characters, spectacular scenes and pithy dialogue. It's a quick read because he manipulates chapter endings cleverly - you cannot not go on to the next chapter. The situations are convincing and spell-binding - I caught myself more than once wondering whether I may actually laugh at someone in this particular predicament (need one go further than the "boy problem" in the ve ...more
Teal
This is a difficult one to rate, so I'll just admit I'm stumped and give it 3 stars.

I thought the quality of the writing improved over the course of the book. The initial tone was stridently, aggressively humorous, to the point of being farcical. Indignities and humiliations were heaped non-stop onto 15-year old Noah. But the kid was suffering through too much hell for me to find his situation funny.

Harry's characterization was... Weird. Inconsistent. The Harry we first meet, with his jolly, goo
...more
Kathy - Books & Munches
Jul 22, 2018 rated it did not like it
Shelves: dnf
I just can't. Dnf'd at 104 pages because I cannot for the life of me connect with Noah. He gets on my nerves all the time. Instead of a sixteen year old, he feels like a ten year old who cannot - at all - have one proper conversation.

I simply didn't enjoy a thing of what I read..
Sophie
Sep 13, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: ya-teenage-books
Such a fun and cute YA read - full of bonkers, awkward humour in the style of things like Peep Show and the Inbetweeners. The book also finds room to have a sweet romance and a bunch of big mysteries that keep you hooked until the end.
Kristin
Aug 09, 2017 rated it it was ok
Shelves: read-in-2017
I really wanted to love this book, but I ended up not enjoying it as much as I thought I would.
I knew it was going to be over the top, but it was just too much for my taste. Yes, it was funny, but the way Noahs struggle with his sexuality was portrayed annoyed me and I was also hoping for way more Harry... WAY MORE Harry :(
It was still a fast and entertaining read but sadly not 100% my thing...
Jonathan Young
Jun 21, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: glbt
Like I don't even know what to say. I finished it in one sitting sans the first chapter. So 300+ pages in one go. And I'm not even sure why. There is something about contemporaries that are strangely addictive. I'm not even sure if I really liked this book because I can't decide if it was meant to be funny or whether it was bad. I'm hoping it was aiming for comedy because let me tell you it's hilarious.

Noah thinks the best way to become popular is date Sophie, a popular girl. Then his best frien
...more
KatieBookQueen
May 04, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Reviewed at: http://www.queenofteenfiction.co.uk/2...

I can't even. With this book. It's charming and funny, and also completely adorable all at the same time. This type of book just feels very home to me. My teen years used to be filled with UKYA books set in typical British high schools and filled with plenty of laughs, so Noah Can't Even reminded me of the books that helped shape me into the reader I am today.

Noah Can't Even follows Noah Grimes, who just want to be an average, 'normal' high sc
...more
Michael
Nov 23, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: gay-themed
Noah Can’t Even is a laugh out loud, cheer for someone, look around to see if someone is looking at you while you cry kind of book. Noah is kissed by his best friend Harry at a party and that, along with a billion crazy antics, blow up in his face, sending his world into a spiral.

Noah is probably on the autism spectrum, having massive social skill issues, obsessions with the way things need to be and with mystery detectives, a point that makes his unraveling the details of his predicament insan
...more
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The Backlot Gay B...: Noah Can't Even, by Simon James Green 1 13 Aug 06, 2017 06:12AM  
137 followers
Simon James Green grew up in a small town in Lincolnshire that definitely wasn’t the inspiration for Little Fobbing – so no-one from there can be mad with him, OK? He enjoyed a classic British education of assorted humiliations and barbaric PE lessons before reading Law at Queens’ College, Cambridge, where he further embarrassed himself by accidentally joining the rowing team despite having no upp ...more

Other books in the series

Noah Can't Even (2 books)
  • Noah Could Never (Noah Can't Even, #2)
“Everyone’s different, Mum, it’s fine to be different!”

“No, Noah, it’s not,” she said, pushing him into his bedroom. “They just say that to make the weird kids feel better.”
2 likes
“You were best mates, but now your paths have taken you in different directions. And yes, that’s sad, but it’s also a natural part of life. Everything moves and changes and turns. And you’ll meet new friends, like Jess. Like me. It’s life, man. It’s the whole crazy way of the universe. Life and death. Don’t be sad. Be glad for what you had, but be excited for new adventures. New people.” 0 likes
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