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Părinți liniștiți, copii fericiți

4.25  ·  Rating details ·  4,598 ratings  ·  509 reviews
A groundbreaking guide to raising responsible, capable, happy kids

Based on the latest research on brain development and extensive clinical experience with parents, Dr. Laura Markham’s approach is as simple as it is effective. Her message: Fostering emotional connection with your child creates real and lasting change. When you have that vital connection, you don’t need to
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Published (first published November 27th 2012)
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4.25  · 
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 ·  4,598 ratings  ·  509 reviews


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Xe Sands
Jan 26, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
It's hard to put into words how I felt as I read this book.

Actually, that's a lie. It's pretty easy to put into words how I felt: like I had failed.

So how can I recommend this book? Why give it 5 stars? Because it's an honest, well-written, compassionate roadmap for a relatively new way of raising our kids. And it works. Frankly, I think this book should be offered to new parents in delivery rooms.

So why the feelings of failure? Well, my kiddo is a teen now, and while reading I couldn't help bu
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Bird
I have no idea how to rate this book, so I just chose the middle-of-the-road rating.

A lot of things in this book resonated with me, and in the few weeks that I've been incorporating the author's techniques into my parenting, I've seen many positive changes. My toddler will now ask for a hug when he starts getting upset, and I've staved off many tantrums with my new, gentler parenting style.

That said, there are some instances in this book where the author comes off as batshit crazy. One of her cl
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Jennifer
Oct 05, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I was impressed. The idea of no consequences, no punishment, is kind of hard to accept, especially because time-outs and losing privileges is the only thing that seems to work in our house. However, in this book, Dr. Laura explains how bad behavior stems from emotions that need to be processed, and our kids need us to HELP them do that. As I was finishing the book, my 2- and 5-year-olds were fighting over a car. The 5-year-old was riding and her brother wanted a turn. He went over to hit her and ...more
Brandy Mcdonald
May 14, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I reached for this book from a friend's recommendation because I have a 4-year old who is talking back and a 2-year old who thinks running from me in dangerous situations is a joke. I was searching for something to give me real answers rather than the old, tired advice I had tried a million times. This was the answer!

So many things in this book were almost uncanny in how they described my children, but I really struggled with the idea of removing consequences and time outs as a part of our paren
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Denise
Apr 06, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Best parenting book I have ever read, and I've read them all :) Has totally changed the way I see my kids.
Sps
Feb 18, 2013 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 600s, professional
This book snuggles into the bosom of attachment parenting and Alfie Kohn-style resistance to behaviorism without actually using those terms much. And I have to say I pretty much agree with Markham.

The foreword by Jack Canfield did the book no favors, and there were occasional maudlin passages about the joys of connecting with your child and cutesy testimonials from satisfied consumers. But the ideas in the book are good. Essentially, babies and children can only thrive in a warmly connected rel
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Mary
Nov 25, 2017 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Okay, buckle up:

Let me start by saying that the first section (of three) is great. I have already started using some of the advice and it's excellent. I did get a little peeved at her implication that all parents have free time they're just not using, but I convinced myself I was being oversensitive.

Then! Part 2! Which opens with a statement that children in daycare more than 20 hours a week and/or who start daycare before age 3 will inevitably develop behavioral problems (if your kid meets bot
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Meredith
I have very conflicting feelings on this book. It is very much an attachment parenting manifesto, and often touts that its method is the best without citing actual research or long term, peer reviewed studies. Regulating my emotions as a parent and spending more time hugging and empathizing with my toddler, I can get on board there. No discipline or negative consequences, well, that's just not how the world works. Not teaching a child that actions can have positive or negative consequences is do ...more
Andrea Nair
As a parenting educator, I am constantly on the look out for resources which will help parents, using the most evidence-based information possible. "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids" is definitely in my top three list of best parenting books. Use this as a tool to stop shouting and start connecting with your kids.
Karen
Aug 15, 2013 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I found some useful tips in this book, but I also found a lot of guilt. It just doesn't align well with my views on parenting. I do wish to parent with less yelling and I will likely implement some of the suggestions of the author, but I don't think I am causing irreparable harm to my child by some of the choices I make in parenting.
sologdin
Feb 11, 2018 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: natalism
Offers up the unimpeachable advice that one should foster connection with one’s kids rather than yelling at them all the time. The difficulty, of course, is in how each of these things is to be accomplished—because those little fuckers are very very very frustrating at times.

This text falls within the broad spectrum of well-intentioned pop psych self help books (of which I read five last year wtf) that recommend ways of accommodating to the Real of capitalist society rather than soliciting it in
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Sara Sell
Jan 18, 2016 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-in-2016
Couldn't finish it. My kids are fucked.
Kimberly OutspokenMom
Nov 12, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: parenting
This is THE book that was missing from my repertoire of gentle parenting resources. This is THE book that I read two times in a row while barely coming up for air. The is THE book that has actually showed me, in a palatable manner, how to be the patient, non-voice-raising mama I knew I could be.

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids might seem like a lengthy book at first glance but it is divided into three sections which makes it much easier to digest. Each section is broken down further into pointed topi
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Katrinap
Jun 26, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I have been using Dr. Markham's techniques to calm myself & my often strong willed child. Growing up with parents that more often than not, yelled, spanked, threatened & used consequences to get me to behave still has left scars on me. This is not how I wanted to parent my child. Fear works to make a child obey, that's exactly how I was, obedient & yes I turned out "ok" but was always scared of my parents growing up & were the last people I confided in with my problems.
Seeing thi
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Lisa
Jan 07, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
The beginning of this book had me really thinking of the Seinfeld episode where George's dad listened to some relaxation tapes that told him to say, "serenity now," every time he felt his blood pressure get too high. By the end of the episode all the yelling, "serenity now," turns to pent up emotions and the saying becomes, "serenity now, insanity later." I kind of worried and laughed a bit as I listened to this book that all the calming breaths and peaceful demeanor in dealing with young childr ...more
Elise
Jan 23, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Notes: I like the part about listening to your anger, rather than acting on it. "acting while we're angry...is hardly ever constructive...The constructive way to handle anger is to limit our expression of it" -p. 14

"Despite the popular idea that we need to 'express' out anger so that it doesn't eat away at us, research shows that expressing anger while we are angry actually makes us more angry." -p. 15

"Laughter releases the same tensions as tears, so playing with children is also a terrific way
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Jenna
Feb 22, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
The peaceful/gentle parenting completely changed the dynamic in our household. When I started reading I didn't understand how we could raise a disciplined and obedient child without using methods like time-out, but the time-in method has worked wonders for us. Our son loves us, and deeply wants to feel connected to us and earn our approval. When we shut him away from us he felt confused and didn't understand what we had done wrong. Doing a time-in and sitting next to him as he kicked, screamed, ...more
Sarah
Dec 17, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I started out this year with "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn, which was an extremely validating and powerful reading experience for me and has been immensely important in our parenting. This book is in a similar vein. It may be more appealing and accessible to people just beginning to explore gentle discipline, because it is softer in its presentation and has much more in the way of concrete examples. (I see "Unconditional Parenting" as being more of a tool to develop one's overall paren ...more
H.S.
Jan 06, 2015 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This book strikes me as a more intense version of Dr. Sears' writing. At least he acknowledges discipline has a place in parenting. Her "coaching" chapter doesn't offer any specific, practical examples. It's all "If-you-don't-agree-my-way-is-best-you're-not-attached-to-your-child" generalities. This is what irks me about all the "Attachment Parenting" hype. It encourages new parents to believe that misbehaving children are the product of subpar parents, which increases everyone's judge-iness le ...more
Lea Ann
Jan 26, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Talk about putting someone through the mommy guilt wringer. I vacillated between chastising myself for essentially ruining my children's lives and patting myself on the back for maybe not doing such a bad job afterall. The final outcome is that yeah, I could probably do better as a parent. And lucky for my kids, I'd like to try to do better. I won't always get there, but I will try. So they've basically won the parenting lottery right?

Essentially, if I had to condense this book's advice into a s
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Newbury Town Library Youth Services
This hits on some of the major thinkers and researchers I have been following for some time, all in one place and easily accessible.
Diane
Jan 23, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Very enlightening. If you value having a great relationship with your kids, if their mental health (and yours) are your highest priority, then this book will give you food for thought and lots of tips. The author illustrates her recommendations with many examples. It's a little treasure and I already see positive results in my own life.

The only part I don't agree with is letting your kids freely chose their extra-curricular activities. I believe that when they are young, unless they really hate
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Nicole
Apr 28, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Did I love this book. Not in a traditional sense, mainly because it made me come to terms with my failures as a parent. It's hard to know that me dealing with my own short comings could be affecting the development of my kids. Nothing in the book is ground breaking, but I does present this shift in parenting styles in a way that seems obtainable though not easy. I have been trying some of the techniques used in the book the past few days and though I feel ridiculous sometimes in my own head, I h ...more
Cassidy (Cassidys.Bookshelf)
After part 1 it lost me. I might return to it later on, but setting it aside for now.
Daniel Benkendorf
This is a fantastic book! If you are a busy parent and have time for only one book, this is the one to read (of course, I'd recommend many others as well). Warning: If your kids are a bit older, the book might make you feel like what you did in the past was wrong. However, Dr. Markham does her best (and largely succeeds, I think) at avoiding language that places blame or induces guilt. It is never too late for a course correction.

Dr. Markham writes clearly and provides real advice for parents.
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Emme
Dec 13, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I swore off parenting books a long time ago because they are always expert/outside influence oriented, (rather than heart focused) and made me feel like a failure for not measuring up. This grace filled book has two basic biggies, regulating yourself and fostering connection. self-care and self-awareness are perhaps the most important thing in parenting, and I wish I had learned this earlier in my parenting career. Kids do need guidance and limits obviously, but if you can parent from a space of ...more
Cate
Jan 13, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Heavily geared towards parents with children in traditional schools (though much of the author's professional opinion and choice of research regarding attachment and feelings of abandonment made me more thankful than ever to homeschool). I was really impressed with the continuous focus on the idea that unwanted behavior doesn't need punishment of any kind, but problem solving. The biggest idea I took from this book is the author's theory that children only act out due to unmet needs. Equally imp ...more
Elisabeth
Apr 01, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Wonderful. Probably my new top recommendation for new parents. There's a lot of great stuff in here for babies, toddlers, and up through young, school-age kids. She references a lot of science, not in a way that means it will be a drag to read, but in a way that makes her advice very credible. If you need something beyond this, or your kids are school age and up, I'd recommend the book Parent Effectiveness Training, but even though I've read lots of parenting books and regularly read Dr Markham' ...more
Christian
I disagree with her notion in the early parts that the reason we want to yell at our kids is because we have some pent-up childhood insecurities or scarring from when we ourselves our children. Sometimes you're just exhausted, and you know that your kid had made a good choice in the past but for some reason today wants to pee on the couch.

I did like that when you get to a standoff with your kid, when he's being openly defiant, the best thing to do is defuse it by going goofy. Start talking in a
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Caitlin
Jun 14, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book has been so helpful for my husband and I as parents. I read about half of it when my son was very young, but recently decided to start over and finish it. I am so glad that I did!

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids has three big ideas: 1. Regulating Yourself, 2. Fostering Connection, and 3. Coaching Not Controlling. Some thoughts on each:

(1) Regulating Yourself. This section focuses not on the child, but on the parent! I love this because it’s easy to put the spotlight on your kids when you th
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“Human beings weren't designed to handle the amount of stress our modern life loads on us, which makes it difficult to hear our natural parenting instincts. It's almost as if we're forced to parent in our spare time, after meeting the demands of work, commuting and household responsibilities.” 8 likes
“Why is bedtime so hard for many families? Because the needs of parents and children clash. To parents, bedtime is the time they finally get to separate from their children and have a little time to themselves. To children, bedtime is the time they’re forced to separate from their parents and lie in the dark by themselves. On top of that, children are exhausted and wound up, and parents are exhausted and fed up. No wonder it’s the single most challenging time in most families.” 7 likes
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