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343 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 11, 2017
“…stroked a few dicks in my life but honestly could say I never felt one quite like that one. It felt like an arm for Christ’s sake.”
“Let’s have a do-over, one that doesn’t involve you grabbing my cock or suffering a nervous breakdown.”
“No, I mean are you alright in the head? Do you always grab onto people’s junk like that?”
“No? No it’s dark and I’m nearly blind without my glasses. I can’t see you.”
“That sounds like a cockamamie excuse to me. No pun intended.”
"I lost all those years, only to end up in the same place, wanting you and wishing I hadn't ever let you go."
He was the perfect physical male specimen.
At the private school where I taught, Mack Morrison was the only man around in a sea of women.
Everyone wanted a piece of the hot single father of the sweet little boy.
I was riddled with jealousy, because they didn’t know that—to me—he was much more.
They didn’t know about our past.
He’d chosen my school for his son on purpose, because Mack and I, we had unfinished business.
As my friend, Lorelai, so eloquently put it: “Unfinished business between two people who are clearly attracted to each other is like an eternal case of blue balls.” And I was suffering in pain from my case.
I was still intensely attracted to Mack. I tried to resist him, immersing myself further into a relationship with another man just to protect my heart.
Not to mention, getting involved with a parent was strictly against school rules. But seeing Mack day in and day out was breaking me down.
And soon I might be breaking all the rules.
His tone was demanding. “Look at me, Frankie.” When I didn’t listen, he repeated, “Look at me.”
I lifted my head. To look him in the face was truly painful, triggering an onslaught of memories I preferred to keep at bay. One thing was for certain: the grown man standing before me was far more confident than the guy whom I’d last seen with tears in his eyes.
“I don’t understand. How is this possible? What are you doing here at my school?”
He slowly approached me, causing my skin to heat. “We live here now — in Massachusetts.”
...
My eyes returned to meet his when I asked, “How did your son end up in my class?”
“If I told you it was a coincidence, would you believe me?”
“No.”
“Well, it’s not,” he was quick to admit.
“Why? Why are you doing this? Why didn’t you warn me?”
“Would it have made it any easier?”
“No,” I whispered.
...
“You’re the only one I trust with him... I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, in general. I know it may seem like eons ago that we were close, and I know you’re confused right now. I know I fucked everything up between us, but I’ve never forgotten you. Not a single day.”
Her being so formal with me was weird. It was irking me a little. She was acting like we didn’t know everything there was to know about each other at one time. I just wanted to virtually shake her and say, ‘Hey, remember that time we got drunk and you begged me to fuck you?’
“He’ll be okay. We’ll take care of him. Even when he’s having a bad day, we’ll do our best to make him feel safe.”
“Thank you, Frankie. I knew you would. That’s why I’m here.”
For him.
And for me.
For you.
I’m here for you.
I want you in my life again.
Even if all you’ll give me is your friendship.
Fuck that. That will never be enough for me.
Not with you.
There was so much I wanted to tell her but couldn’t.
“What exactly do you plan to try?”
… “I have to go wherever [my son] is. So, this is a window of opportunity that I can’t waste. You asked what I plan to try? Everything. Every goddamn thing, Frankie — until you tell me to stop. Until you look me in the eyes and tell me there’s no point in continuing.”
“We all have that one person. It’s not necessarily someone we end up with. But it’s that person who, for whatever reason, gets under your skin and stays there. You can move on, but parts of them are always with you. Sometimes, if things never had a chance to develop, if feelings are still unresolved, that person becomes an even more powerful force in your life, even in absentia.”
“I never stopped thinking about you. All of these years, they feel like a blur. I look at you sitting in front of me right now, and I’m feeling all of the same things I did when we were together.”
“Your happiness is all that matters. You’re holding all the cards, Frankie — every single, last one of them. But just be aware that I have no issue with showing you exactly how much I want you right now.” He moved in closer, to the point where I could feel the heat from his body.“ The next time you ask me to kiss you, I’m going to fucking kiss you… I’m not gonna lie to you about my feelings. I’m not going to hide the fact that I want to make love to you more than anything.”
“I’d never had feelings for someone that didn’t start out as sure physical attraction. With Frankie, it was the opposite. I was extremely attracted to her brain, to her heart, to just being with her, to how she made me feel…”
“I’m allergic to clothes like you’re allergic to people.”
"Just like the lotus, you’ve risen above the darkness to become something beautiful— a beautiful human.”
"I don’t regret you, Mack. It’s important that you know that. If there was a choice between erasing it or experiencing it all over again, I would choose the latter.”
“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”
“You might as well be one,”
“I’ll make a deal with you, Frankie.”
What did he just call me?
“Frankie?”
“Yes. You look nothing like a Francesca. You look like a Frankie to me.”
“What were you going to say?”
“I’ll make a deal with you. I’m an asshole, right?” “Okay…”
“You’re a scaredy cat—a pussy.”
“I’m a pussy…”
“I’ll rub some of my asshole off on you if you rub some of your pussy off on me.”
My eyes widened. “You’ll rub your asshole on me?”
I moved her hand and placed it over my heart. “You feel that?” I asked. “Feel how it’s beating for you right now. Every time I even allow myself to think about you, it beats like this. And I don’t know how to make it stop.”
“What am I supposed to do with this?” she whispered.
There was only one answer.
“Just believe what it’s telling you.”
He looked up at the sky then over at me. “Am I delusional?”
“What do you mean?”
“Be honest. Am I grasping for something that’s not there anymore?” He turned to me. “I wake up in the morning with hope, that every day I’m somehow closer to being with you. I still feel this bond between us. I feel it so strongly. But tonight is an example of how fucking clueless I apparently am. I just assumed…it would be here, just like I assumed that I could just come back into your life and somehow win you back after eight fucking years. The one chance I get to really be with you—this week—and my life gets in the way, once again demonstrating how I can never make you a priority like you deserve. Fuck, I don’t even think I would choose me if I were you.” He looked up at the sky then back at me. “I don’t have all the time in the world to give you. I couldn’t give you the perfect life even if I wanted to, because I am carrying so much baggage. Some days, I don’t even know who I am anymore…Jonah’s dad, Torrie’s ex, Michael Morrison’s estranged son. But when I’m with you…I’m Mack. I feel like myself. When you look at me, you remind me of who I am, who I want to be. I want to go back to being that man who was once happier than a pig in shit just from being around you every day. But it’s not fair to steal away even an ounce of your happiness just so I can have mine.”
“Evening, Mack.”
“Evening, Mrs. M.”
“You look like shit.”
I started to laugh. “Well, thank you. Tell me how you really feel.”
“You know what the great thing about having me for a neighbor is?”
“What’s that?”
“I double as a bartender.”
"She was the one." It was her. It had always been her."
"I just wanted to steal you away. I don't know where the fuck I'm going, Frankie. Don't know what the fuck I'm doing either. I just needed to see you."
"Mack was the only one for me. There was no way this feeling could ever be replicated…because it had been years in the making."
"I slowly fell in love with my best friend. You were my first love-my only love."