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Stone Cold Bastards

3.92  ·  Rating details ·  118 ratings  ·  42 reviews
Bram Stoker Award ® Nominated Author

Only a rag-tag team of gargoyles stands between humanity and extinction.

Hell has released its ravening horde of demons, leaving most of humanity a puke-spewing, head-spinning mess of possession.

Humanity’s last hope? A team of misfit gargoyles—including a cigar chomping, hard-ass grotesque—come alive and ready for battle during the End of
Paperback, 218 pages
Published February 24th 2017 by Bell Bridge Books
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Average rating 3.92  · 
Rating details
 ·  118 ratings  ·  42 reviews

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Montzalee Wittmann
Feb 21, 2017 rated it it was amazing
3-5-2020 5 stars
Stone Cold Bastards
By: Jake Bible
Narrated by: Jeff Hays
I read this book when it first came out and liked it then. I love gargoyles especially when they are the good guys. They certainly are in here. This is a strange world where demons have made it into the world and just using a body until they use it up. There is very few people left. Sanctuary cities are those held protected by gargoyles or grotesque as they like to be called. They are made from magic. They use that magic to h
Cat Tutt
Mar 10, 2017 rated it really liked it
When this book crossed my path, I was on the search for something different. I wasn't sure what, or even what genre really, just something... different. Gargoyles come to life seemed to fit the bill, so I decided to give it a go and see if it fixed my hankerin'.

The main thing I have to say about this book is that it was fun. There are definitely stressful parts and suspenseful scenes and so forth, but all in all, it was just fun. Fun, that is, if you don't mind your books splattered {pun intend
Sci-Fi & Scary
I read this again because it's one of the top contenders for Sci-Fi & Scary's Best Book of the Year, and my cohost was reading it for the first time through so I wanted to experience it (again) with her.

I has a happy.

Forget clawed mutants and moody men of steel. Jake Bible’s Grotesques are the heroes this world needs. Stone Cold Bastards is outright bloody fun. I love zombies, and I’m a fan of the author’s Z-Burbia series, but I think this was much bette
ᴥ Irena ᴥ
Apr 20, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition

The main premise of this book - gargoyles (sorry, they want to be called grotesque, if you don't mind) are the last line of defence against the hordes of demons. Anyone who can find a sanctuary guarded by a group of these creatures can consider himself lucky. But, one by one the sanctuaries are being breached, humans taken for vessels, and gargoyles destroyed until only one Sanctuary is left.
Guarded by a powerful gargoyle Artus and a group of grotesques, the one in the Appalachians Mountains
May 08, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
*I received a complimentary audiobook of this title from the author in exchange for an honest review. This is it.

Creatures made of stone and powered by ancient magics. Carved to fight. To protect. The wards under their care are in danger of being possessed by demons bent on world domination. Cathedrals are falling and sh*t’s getting dire. It’s up to the G’s to find a way to send them back to hell.

I honestly should have hated this one. It should have been too YA’ey. Too hokey. Too fantasy. Much
I've been interested in author Jake Bible's works for quite some time, even going so far as purchasing several installments in his Z-Burbia series, but never quite taking the reading- plunge. After finishing Stone Cold Bastards, I'm so eager to get my hands on anything and everything with his name on it (and actually reading it...). His style has been touted to me by several friends as "strange and weird mixed with the fantastical", and they were right on the nose with that one. Strange and weir ...more
Jun 22, 2017 rated it it was ok
Shelves: readtoreview
2.5 stars
Thanks to NetGalley and to the editor. I I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review
This book was a real disappointment. When I saw this title on NetGalley I wanted to read it, and I wanted it bad because the idea was so original and... the characters are Gargoyles! (Or Grotesques, that's better!) I mean who can say no to gargoyles???
The idea wasn't bad, at all, but... I do not know, we just didn't click. The writing was quite plain, the characters were interesting
Mar 21, 2017 rated it really liked it
Ahh, my favourite fictional sub-genre – the end of the world. Always a joy. I may have mentioned this before, I can’t remember? I do love me some apocalyptic fiction. The latest Armageddon to grace my review pile is Stone Cold Bastards by Jake Bible. The gates of Hell are open and they are spewing forth a demonic horde. Our last line of defence? A mismatched collection of humans and living gargoyles.

The main story focuses on a monster called Mordecai, Morty to his friends. Within a handful of pa
There are not many humans left but there are gargoyles (grotesque) who will protect them from demons if the humans can reach their sanctuary.
I found this to be a bit of a different but welcome read. It seems to be fantasy/horror with a bit of humor spicing it up. I really enjoyed reading this one and wished it could be a bit longer.
I received a copy of this book from the publishers via Netgalley for free in exchange for my honest review.
Arun Divakar
Dec 04, 2017 rated it liked it

When a portal to Hell has opened in your world and demons are pouring out of it, you do not have much to do but run aimlessly to somewhere...anywhere all the while screaming like a little girl. The dread of this occurrence is compounded by the fact that the demons are not horned monstrosities but passengers who will jump uninvited into your body and make you do its bidding. Civilization as we know it is long gone and the apocalypse has arrived. What little I have enumerated above has been a clic
Sadie Forsythe
May 11, 2017 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: audio
I rather enjoyed this. I had a few complaints, namely that the human bodies in this book appeared to have a consistency somewhere between a ripe tomato and play-doe. I don't generally have a problem with gore in a novel, but there was a lot in this book. And where it didn't bother me on its own, the fact that grotesques (gargoyles...notably not gargoyles, but gargoyles for the linguistically challenged) seemed able to produce it in a manner that seemed to disregard physics and tensile, bodily du ...more
Sue Wallace
Feb 22, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Stone cold bastards by Jake Bible is a horror and sci-fi and fantasy read.
He'll is about to bring the end of days. The sanctuary is the only safe haven left for humans. A team of misfit gargoyles come alive and ready for battle during the End of Days. They guard the last cathedral-turned-sanctuary atop a bald knoll in the North Carolina mountains.
Absolutely fantastic read with brilliant characters. I loved how the gargoyles came alive to protect people. Very cleverly written. I loved the ending
This. Was. Fuckin'. Good. Nice one, enjoyed reading it.

“Do you feel lucky, punk?” Nissa said from the far side of the courtyard, a pistol almost larger than her arm gripped in both hands. “Well, do ya?”

“You’re supposed to ask that before you shoot him,” Tessa said.

“Oh,” Nissa said. “Okay, stand him up and let’s do it again.”

The faeries looked at Antoine, expectant and waiting.

“What? No, I’m not standing the dead meatbag up so you can quote some old movie and shoot his corpse,” Antoine said
Melissa Hayden
3.5 stars
The last stand for the little bit of humanity left on the world... Demons have almost taken over the world. This book all takes place in one day's time. We see Morty and his adventure along with what he finds. Then we see what's happened inside the Sanctuary while he's gone, with the siege and the teens leaving. Then both sections collide in a moment. We see the last Sanctuary with humans who're not possessed pull all they have to stand against the demons, and try one last effort to sav
Dark Faerie Tales
Aug 05, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Review courtesy of Dark Faerie Tales

Quick & Dirty: An addicting, gore-filled romp in the apocalypse. What more could you ask for?

Opening Sentence: The small, gray head popped off and rolled toward the end of the bar.

Excerpt: No

The Review:

Six years ago, it happened: the gates of Hell opened, releasing demons upon the earth. Their mission: destroy humanity and take the earth for themselves. Those humans who weren’t immediately possessed in the aftermath had only one option to ensure safety: find s
May 11, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: audiobooks
Full review here, on my blog.

As anyone who reads my reviews… or like… glances over my favorites shelf will know, I love a good snarky character. The snarkier the better. I love characters that don’t take anyone’s shit. So, generally, books with the word ‘bastards’ in the title is always going to be a good fit (hell, I’ve loved every other one I’ve read. What do you mean it was only the one? >.>). Needless to day, I got started on this listen immediately.

Let’s start with narration, because it’s a
Lora Milton
Jan 13, 2020 rated it liked it
Shelves: fantasy
This one is listed under both Horror and SciFi & Fantasy, but it has some very light hearted and even funny moments, albeit with a fairly dark premise. Hell has unleashed all its demons and the only thing saving humanity is a ragtag bunch of gargoyles (technically grotesques for most of them) that come to life through blood magic and guard the last cathedral sanctuary on Earth.

Human possession is common and everyone is preparing for the end of days. How cheerful. Yet the characters are quirky an
NaTaya Hastings
May 27, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: netgalley-books
I was super pleased with this book. Seriously, I really enjoyed it! It is a little hard to get into for the first couple of chapters, but don't let that throw you off. There are a lot of characters to try to get to know at first, and it slows the book down, but you quickly catch on to who's who, and then the book just sucks you in.

I loved the story line. The whole premise is amazingly original and super well done. The gates of hell have opened and humans' last lines of defense are gargoyles and
Cameron Frost
Jun 10, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I was given a copy of this book by Jeff Hays, who performed the narration for this edition, in exchange for a review.

I had heard of neither Jake Bible, the author, nor Jeff Hays before this. I did have prior knowledge, however, of a 1990s TV show 'Gargoyles' and this is the connection I made when I first checked out the blurb.

Jake Bible shows very quickly that he can make a variety of characters and situations approachable for the reader. Here's where Stone Cold Bastards has already won far and
Patrice Leonard
Jake Bible has become one of my without hesitation go-to authors when I want a thrilling, entertaining, horror/fantasy story. Black Box, Inc is one of my favorites and Stone Cold Bastards has been added to that list. The characters, while made of stone, were so human at times I forgot they weren't flesh and blood. And I wanted them to be so bad sometimes. The author creates an apocalypse like we've never seen before and that is part of the reason this book was such a home run for me. It's someth ...more
Dec 20, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This is the seventh book i have read/listened to by this author and I would listen to another. So far I’ve enjoyed every book I’ve listened to by him. Each book/ series has been unique. He has quite a story repertoire. This is a standalone book from what I can tell. It is also an original concept. I quite liked the gargoyles and idea of the demon possessed.
This is the first book I have listened to by this narrator ( Jeff Hays ) and I would listen to another. His character voices are great. He d
May 06, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I received a copy of an audible version of this book from Jeff Hayes, the narrator and I'll definitely be looking for his books in the future! The gates of hell have opened and the Gargoyles and the Grotesques have awakened to protect the last of mankind. Our heros are guarding and protecting the last of mankind in a sanctuary, protected by magic. This is not to be missed if you like end of the world stories and are sick and tired of zombies! I started this book in the morning, and finished this ...more
Feb 07, 2017 rated it really liked it
Stone Cold Fun

When I started reading this, I wasn’t certain. A book about a band of gargoyles – excuse me, grostesques – that are trying to save the last of humanity seemed a little hard to buy into.

However, within a few chapters, I was in. I loved our stone heroes – especially Morty and his cigar.

As with all of Jake Bible’s books, expect humor, action, and simply good storytelling. There are moments to break your heart and moments that make you want to get out your guns and fight for humanity.
A good short read. Full disclosure, I got my copy for free in trade for posting a review so here it is.

The name made it sound like it was going to be more comedy than drama so I was a little off my expectations when it never really got funny like I'd hoped.

But it was an interesting story of the apocalypse. Well written and with clever characters but I finished it more out of habit, it never really drew me in and hooked me, hints my rating. If you like your apocalypse fantasy then give it a go.
May 20, 2017 rated it really liked it

Super Gargoyles...

This story centers around a group of gargoyles that are out to save the day.

The book was a quick read with a young adult feel to it.

The story line had a bit of everything from humor, fantasy, action, and it was an overall well written story.

Jeff Hays did well with the narration as usual.

"This audio book was provided by the author, narrator, or publisher at no cost in exchange for an unbiased review."
Richard Mcfall
Oct 21, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A fun, gory, sci-fi good read! Creatures of yore...a dragon, gargoyles aka grotesque, faeries, demons, fallen angels, and magic!! This story has it all!!

A well written prose seasoned with bawdy humor throughout. A spin on the end of the world genre with the undead being possessed by demons battling flying gargoyles made of stone, a magic wielding, fire breathing dragon, two Rambo-influenced Siamese faeries, weapons of war, and a stonecutter worth dying for... Enjoy!
Apr 10, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book and I am leaving this review voluntarily. The opinions are my own.

So I am a big fan of Jake Bible. His easy writing style makes for very enjoyable reading. His Roak series of books are some of my favorites.

The eclectic set of characters in this story was great! The story was very fast paced and interesting. It is a violent story so stay away from it if that bothers you. Otherwise sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!
Sep 08, 2017 rated it really liked it
This is the first book I've read by this author. I loved this story. I highly recommend it.

- - Received copy through NetGalley - -
Dec 16, 2017 rated it really liked it
Nice take on gargoyles.. statues and the spells that made them
John Adams
Jun 18, 2020 rated it it was ok
A simple but reasonably enjoyable actioner, set in the last days of the apocalypse as grotesques (not gargoyles!) defend the last free humans from the hordes of demon-possessed.
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Jake Bible, Bram Stoker Award nominated-novelist, short story writer, independent screenwriter, podcaster, and inventor of the Drabble Novel, has entertained thousands with his horror, sci/fi, thriller, and adventure tales. He reaches audiences of all ages with his uncanny ability to write a wide range of characters and genres.

Jake is the author of the bestselling Z-Burbia series set in Asheville,

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