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420 pages, Hardcover
First published January 9, 2018
He wasn't even wearing sleeves. I suppose he expects the ladies at home to swoon at the sight of his well-muscled arms. Thankfully I am no lady.
How to deal with talking in front of crowds:
1) Eat breakfast and throw it up noisily.
2) Overanlyze the entire situation untilit becomes so familiar it's no longer terrifying.
3) Drink three beers.
There is no divine plan, no destiny, no life after death, and no compensation for what you lose. There is only here and now. There is only what you’ve done and what you are going to do. And if you can own up to every moment and take responsibility for your life and shape it into something beautiful and kind and generous - if you can do that, you’ve discovered what it means to be strong.
I knew I was clinically depressed, but I never thought I was actually suicidal. I didn't look forward to death, and I didn't hate life either, though I wanted to. Hatred or love - either would have been enough to keep me going. But the slushy indifference I felt for everything and everyone wasn't on the hate-love spectrum. The indifference is what I couldn't stand. And buried somewhere in all that indifference was a tiny black crevice I could never bring myself to look at, because I knew if I did, I'd get sucked down into an infinite void and never find my way out. I told myself life was all or nothing. At the time it made sense.
Are you in a relationship? How long? no
Describe your current relationship: no
Describe your relationship with your family: no
Do you have any singing, acting, or performing aspirations? god no
What is your greatest strength? brevity
What is your greatest weakness? no
It’s too bad that one Event is enough to wipe out years of accumulated Good Kid credit.
Perhaps if I spent more time in my childhood socializing with secular children instead of praying when I felt uncomfortable, I’d be better equipped to handle this situation.
It took me a few days to realize what that meant. I didn’t believe in God. Everything I knew about who I was and what was true became irrelevant. It felt like I was on a roller coaster, sitting at the peak and waiting to drop.
There is no divine plan, no destiny, no life after death, and no compensation for what you lose. There is only here and now. There is only what you’ve done and what you are going to do.
I don’t need to know God loves me. I just need to know that she does.
Her faith was a conscious decision, a hard-earned achievement … I wore my own faith like the shirt I fell asleep in because I was too lazy to change.
// buddy read with farim
“Wouldn’t it be nice, don’t you think, to not constantly compare everything you say and do to everything you’ve ever said and done and hope one day the good will outweigh the cringeworthy?”
“Some girls just want to watch the world burn, you know?”
“Forgive me Father, for I am a Sinner”
“Jane Sinner: I think I can save us some time here. I’ll tell you my only motivation in life.
The Doctor: And what motivation is that?
Jane Sinner: The lols. It’s the only reason I ever do anything.”
Jane dropped out of high school just a few months before graduation, due to an Event which made everything beyond awkward. When she signs up for classes at the local community college to finish up her missing credits, she sees an ad offering a place to live for super-cheap rent (the catch: it’s all being filmed for a Big Brother-like online reality show), and convinces her parents to let her move out (not that she tells them the truth about where she’s going to be staying). The show brings Jane into close quarters with people she’d never spend time with otherwise, and brings out her very competitive spirit.The story is told as Jane’s journal entries. And wow, does she have one incredibly sarcastic voice, so brittle I half expected this book to crumble to pieces in my hands. Jane has a lot of defenses going to keep herself from feeling anything. And yet the raw bitterness pouring off these pages manages to be very readable and even very funny. Is Jane particularly “likable”? I’d say not. But I nevertheless found her very relatable, because I’m pretty sure we all have these kinds of thoughts and attitudes. Jane just doesn’t bother to censor them, because it’s not like she’s sharing them with anyone but herself. In addition to her sarcasm, she’s also a very devious and determined competitor on that reality show, which made her very entertaining.
”The past doesn’t exist. It’s just a story we tell ourselves. And stories can change each time you tell them.”