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Before I Knew

(The Cabots #1)

Jamie Beck (Goodreads Author)

3.91 · Rating details · 13,297 ratings · 590 reviews

Author Jamie Beck returns with an engrossing series about family, friendship, and starting over. In this first Cabot novel, a legacy of secrets tests old friends seeking a second chance at life and love.

On the second anniversary of her husband’s suicide, Colby Cabot-Baxter is ready to let go of her grief and the mistakes made during her turbulent marriage. Her fresh st

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Kindle Edition, 354 pages

Published August 22nd 2017 by Montlake Romance

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Apr 09, 2018 Jacob Proffitt rated it did not like it

Shelves: romance, steamy, audiobook, negative-motivation

This book contains everything you need to know to build a lasting relationship. Just take everything the characters do, and don't do that. I finished this with equal parts masochism and delight. I'm ashamed to admit that the delight was anticipation of being able to vent my wrath on a deserving target. I don't like what that says about me, so I'm rethinking how much vitriol I want to indulge.

Colby and Alec spend the entire novel vying for biggest idiot. Whether it's Colby interfering with his r ...more

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Dec 18, 2017 Amy rated it liked it

Shelves: physical-arcs

Before I Knew is the first in a new series following the Cabot family. It’s billed as a romance and it most certainly is, but this wasn’t the lighthearted read I was expecting it to be and unfortunately I didn’t love it as much as I had hoped because of this. I like to escape with a romance as a break from the dark thrillers that make up the majority of my TBR and since much of this one deals with heavy, depressing topics it wasn’t quite the break I was expecting. Don’t get me wrong, it was well ...more

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May 10, 2022 Stephanie rated it did not like it

Shelves: widow-or-widower, 2022, kindle-unlimited, hurt-comfort, contemporary, childhood-sweethearts-or-friends, dont-recommend

I need to read a good book, I am STARVING.

I downloaded this book on Kindle Unlimited because I saw it come up on my discover page and I decided to try something new. A new to me author in a cover style that seems more women's fiction than the usual indie romance books I read.

As the top review for this book says, "This book contains everything you need to know to build a lasting relationship. Just take everything the characters do, and don't do that." Unfortunately unlike them, I wasn't reading I need to read a good book, I am STARVING.

I downloaded this book on Kindle Unlimited because I saw it come up on my discover page and I decided to try something new. A new to me author in a cover style that seems more women's fiction than the usual indie romance books I read.

As the top review for this book says, "This book contains everything you need to know to build a lasting relationship. Just take everything the characters do, and don't do that." Unfortunately unlike them, I wasn't reading this through the end of delightful hate reading... I was actively disliking and twitching every minute. So why did I continue and not DNF it? I have no idea.

First of all, I hated both main characters so much. Actually, I hated ALL the characters so much.

Colby, the heroine, is a preachy and pathetic woman who lets everyone walk all over her because she has no spine. She refuses to deal with the trauma of her past and thinks starting a restaurant will solve her problems though she has literally no restaurant experience except being passionate about diner food.

Alec, the hero, is... ridiculous. He's a hot and successful chef who admittedly fell apart after his brother's death but who didn't lose any talent but is constantly thinking of himself as if he's... a nerd? I rolled my eyes every time he was on page. Every. Time.

Colby's mother is a narcissistic manipulator. Her father is a workaholic who abandoned his former family to marry someone else. His second wife is a workaholic and the two spoil their daughter and treat Colby and her brother differently. Her brother is a workaholic (sensing a theme here?) who talks about how annoyed he is with his wife for wanting to get pregnant and being stressed out over it. (Don't worry, his books next!) Her half-sister is a spoiled brat, period.

But Alec's family may be worse because his father is literally abusive, has been abusive for his son's entire life, physically dominates his wife, manipulates the doctors in the ER to keep it hush hush... and then gets redemption at the end of the book. No one wanted that! And while Alec's mom was a victim for sure, she was also responsible for the fact that she ALLOWED her deadbeat husband to abuse Alec his ENTIRE LIFE. Are you joking?

It seems like every character wanted a "get out of jail free" card because they had hard moments in their past. I mean, we haven't even started in on the actual plot, which is that Alec / Colby were childhood friends and neighbors, but 2 years ago Colby's then-husband dared Alec's brother to jump off a cliff and he died... and then weeks later her husband committed suicide in front of her. This book has such heavy topics that I thought hurt comfort might be a big theme but literally they all sucked and no one worked past anything.

I cannot even describe accurately how much hatred I have for this book. It seems to be growing the more I think about it.

CW: bipolar disorder, past cheating, loss of spouse, loss of sibling, parental abuse, parental manipulation, narcissistic parent, suicide, PTSD... ...more

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Aug 17, 2017 Alison rated it liked it

Shelves: banging-the-boss, angst-angst-angst, contemporary, small-town, annoying-siblings, irritating-seniors, 2017-read, widow-widower, girl-next-door, arc

The Cabot and the Morgans were friends and neighbours for thirty years until a stupid dare left Joe Morgan dead, shortly afterwards Colby Cabot's husband Mark killed himself over his part in the dare, devastated by his role in the death of his best friend and unable to deal with the guilt. Mark was bi-polar and Colby suffers from the knowledge that she kept his diagnosis from her family, she also worries that his illness may have been a contributing factor to the dare that led to Joe's death.

Two The Cabot and the Morgans were friends and neighbours for thirty years until a stupid dare left Joe Morgan dead, shortly afterwards Colby Cabot's husband Mark killed himself over his part in the dare, devastated by his role in the death of his best friend and unable to deal with the guilt. Mark was bi-polar and Colby suffers from the knowledge that she kept his diagnosis from her family, she also worries that his illness may have been a contributing factor to the dare that led to Joe's death.

Two years later Colby has given up her job as a lawyer to open a restaurant called ACertainTea, she has visions of it being a centre for families to come to celebrate special events. The money for the restaurant has come from the family business The Cabot Tea Company and her father has insisted that Colby reports to her brother Hunter.

Alec Morgan has always stood in the shadow of his younger brother Joe, quieter and more studious by nature he was no match for Joe's athleticism and Joe was always his father's favourite. He has also always harboured a secret crush on Colby. Formerly a successful restaurateur, he has had a massive professional disaster, lost his restaurant and has been asked by his old friend Hunter Cabot to assist Colby in her new start-up. Alec too has a secret, Mark wrote him a letter begging for forgiveness and making wild threats which Alec ignored.

So, can two people who have suffered devastating losses which intimately involve their families ever put the past aside?

This book, for me, was killed by all the angst. Angst over Joe's death, over Mark's suicide, over Colby's mother, over Colby's father, over Alec's mother, over Alec's father, over Colby's brother, over Colby's step-sister, over Colby's sister-in-law. You get the picture, we were drowning in angst and Colby felt she had to fix everything, which was a joke because her brother and father, even Alec were so damned patronising I wanted to punch them in the gonads. But then Colby was so damn drippy and saintly that I wanted to throat-punch her too!

Stepping aside from my own personal feelings about the characters, I also felt that Alec's characterisation didn't really 'work'. He was a former geek, the full "jigsaw puzzle making, then take a photo and hang it on your wall" Monty who grew into a demanding chef who shouted at people. He had loved Colby all his life and talked about doing anything she wanted, just to get her to notice him, but then he refused to change HIS menu for HER restaurant to accommodate her very reasonable request that there be some simple food for the unadventurous eaters.

Someone (an author whose book I criticised) once told me that if the characters make you feel something (even incandescent rage) then the author has achieved their goal - well done Jamie Beck, back of the net goal! But seriously, I'm not a fan of all the introspective, navel-gazing, talk about our feelings (but of course don't actually tell people what's wrong) angst. If you like that sort of thing then this is for you.

I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in return for an honest review.

Bumped for release. ...more

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Jul 31, 2019 Ashley Drumm rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: jamie-beck

Some romance story’s are so cheesy but wow this one was so good. Had me laughing, gave me tears in my eyes! Reached all the way down to my soul. I highly recommend this series. This book would make an amazing movie! Hint hint..

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Aug 15, 2017 Bette Hansen rated it it was amazing

What a fantastic first book in a brand new series. It's highly emotional and deals with issues that arise a horrible tragedy strikes. Colby Cabot Baxter and Alec Morgan's lives were both changed by the tragedy but now they are both looking for fresh starts. Their journey to happiness is painful and emotional and the past needs to be dealt with. It can't be until all the secrets are revealed. Will they be brave enough to face the past in order to have a future??

Definitely a book I recommend to ev ...more

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Sep 07, 2017 Valeen Robertson (Live Thru Books Blog) rated it it was ok

Shelves: arcs, friends-to-lovers-best-friends, widow-widower, lawyer, chef-restaurateur

Here I go again, in the minority about a story. Unfortunately, Before I Knew just didn't do it for me. It was so heavy, such a downer that I couldn't find my way through to the end with any kind of joy, any kind of excitement, any kind of anything positive. It's not horribly written or anything, it's just that it's such a dreary, down on themselves kind of story that I could not connect with it or any of the characters.

Colby has lost her husband to suicide. Right before that, they both lost a go Here I go again, in the minority about a story. Unfortunately, Before I Knew just didn't do it for me. It was so heavy, such a downer that I couldn't find my way through to the end with any kind of joy, any kind of excitement, any kind of anything positive. It's not horribly written or anything, it's just that it's such a dreary, down on themselves kind of story that I could not connect with it or any of the characters.

Colby has lost her husband to suicide. Right before that, they both lost a good friend, whose death Colby's husband had an inadvertent hand in. Two years later, Colby has decided to open up a restaurant called A CertainTea. Her father's investment in the restaurant comes with a caveat: she is to answer to her brother, Hunter. That's not such a bad thing, as she's close to her brother, but what's bad is that her brother insists she hire a family friend, Alec, as the new chef. Alec is the younger brother of the man whose death Colby's husband, Mark, had an inadvertent hand in, and that death lead to a severing of Colby's relationship with Alec and his family, as she never got over the guilt she felt, and no one in Alec's family ever forgave Mark for his part in Joe's death.

But, there could be a silver lining in Colby's new situation - unbeknownst to Colby, Alec always had a crush on her from the time they were kids and Colby became his, Joe's and Hunter's little sidekick. But, Alec was always in his charismatic, athletic brother, Joe's shadow, and he never found the gumption to ever do anything about his feelings back then, so Mark swooped in and grabbed her up. Now that she's single, and Alec and she are working closely together, perhaps this is Alec's chance to do something about those pesky feelings.

Alas, things are not going smoothly. There are too many hurt feelings between the two. Too many feelings of guilt on both their parts. And Colby is a martyr. Ugh, martyrs. I hate it when a character martyrs themselves for someone, especially when the person for whom they're martyring themselves is no longer present. Colby was such a doormat, such a martyr and it drove me nuts. Not to mention she was so prissy and self-absorbed that I wanted to smack her! Not that Alec was any better. He was angry, bitter and lashed out more than once. I get that everyone was hurting, but you have to take responsibility for your own actions, for what you say to others, regardless of whether you are hurting or not. And Alec didn't like taking responsibility for his cruel words until the very end. So we've got a prissy martyr and a bitter, angry hero, not a great combination.

So, sorry, but I cannot get behind Before I Knew. I need more vitality, more passion, more life to my romances and Before I Knew didn't give that to me.

I received an ARC through NetGalley for an honest review. ...more

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Sep 07, 2017 vicki zimmerman rated it did not like it

Waaaay too much

I hate dropping a story midway through. I always try to stick with it til the bitter end, no matter what.
I made an exception in this case.
Before I Knew, is apparently part of a series. Not wanting to offend any hardcover fans, let me just say, for me, this book is not worth the time it takes to read. Over 5 hours is, to me, way and above too long for a simple romance. Way too much back and forth, and round and round, in what should have been a simple romance. It was like the thin ...more

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Mar 08, 2019 Rebecca rated it it was ok

Shelves: contemporary, 2019-reads

Meh...everyone was such a victim. I have no plans to continue with the series.

flag 7 likes · Like · see review

Jun 27, 2017 Irene rated it really liked it

Shelves: love-this-author, beautiful-cover, romance, arc-by-publisher, montlake-romance, enjoy-this-authors-work

4 Heartfelt Stars

Before I Knew by Jamie Beck was an emotional and heartfelt read.

They storyline was well written, it was easy to follow and hard to put down.
Watching Colby and Alec come together was both heartwarming and painful.
They both had painful pasts that they needed to deal with so they could find true happiness.
These two were easy to love and I really enjoyed reading their story.

description

Before I Knew is a lovely start to the Cabot Series by Jamie Beck, looking forward to Hunter and Sara's book ...more

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Sep 19, 2017 Wendy'sThoughts rated it liked it

Recommends it for: Jamie Beck Fans, Romance

3 Complicated Stars
* * *
Wow... This was a lot to take in.
We have two families who are on opposite sides of a serious tragedy. This main issue colors everything and everyone.

After us learning this multi-layered tragedy involving so many, we are set up for the main part of the story...

The goal for our gal is to make the restaurant she has worked so hard to be a reality... the best it can be. Unfortunately, that means the money partner brings in a chef who is part of this family complication and ...more

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Jun 06, 2017 Jeanne Felfe rated it it was amazing

Before I Knew was my companion on a recent airline trip and thank goodness. The time flew as I did.

I thoroughly enjoyed this realistic love story. Lately I've been turned off by the plethora of so-called romance books where the sex is more important than the relationship. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Before I Knew dove into the relationship head-long and kept it interesting from start to finish. There was just enough sexual tension to give it a kick, but there was nothing explicit. I ...more

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Nov 02, 2021 Susan rated it really liked it

Shelves: borrowed, huge-books, read-in-2021, kindle-audio, library, kindle-unlimited

All about loss, redemption, and forgiveness... and finding love with an old friend.

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Aug 02, 2017 Carolyn rated it really liked it

Jamie Beck has a style of writing that always draws you in to the dynamics of a family making you their own personal cheerleader. Before I Knew lays the foundation of the Cabot series which will provide lots love, heartbreak, drama, and hopefully healing.

Two years after the tragic loss of Joe Morgan and Mark Baxter, the gaping whole remains in both the Morgan and Cabot families. Secrets held by both Mark's wife, Colby Cabot-Baxter and Joe's brother, Alec Morgan, are bound to come to light after ...more

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Jul 11, 2018 Karen Jones rated it did not like it

This was one of the worst books I've read in a long time! It was so repetitive and boring. I get that the characters felt guilty, I would too, although we all know other's actions are not our fault. It's just human nature. And this story could have been so much better. But the author just kept dragging out the "woe me...I feel guilty...." card. We got it!! Move on with the story, let the guilt be a background distraction.
To make matters worse, I didn't even like the characters. Colby was a doorm ...more

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Mar 16, 2019 Jules rated it really liked it

Shelves: kindle-unlimited, audiobooks, womens-fiction, romance

I enjoyed this romance and look forward to reading more by this author.

I borrowed this in audiobook format through Amazon Kindle Unlimited.

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Aug 21, 2017 Book Lover rated it liked it

The Morgans and Cabots live next door to each other. Joe Morgan and Colby Cabot were best friends growing up. When Colby married Mark Baxter, Joe welcomed him with opened arms and the three spent a lot of time together. When Joe died after a dare issued by Mark, it tore the families apart. Mark, dealing with issues of his own, feeling overwhelmed with guilt, commits suicide.

Fast-forward two years. Colby is still reeling from the past. Her marriage wasn’t what it seemed. She’s been practicing la The Morgans and Cabots live next door to each other. Joe Morgan and Colby Cabot were best friends growing up. When Colby married Mark Baxter, Joe welcomed him with opened arms and the three spent a lot of time together. When Joe died after a dare issued by Mark, it tore the families apart. Mark, dealing with issues of his own, feeling overwhelmed with guilt, commits suicide.

Fast-forward two years. Colby is still reeling from the past. Her marriage wasn’t what it seemed. She’s been practicing law and finding it weighing her down as much as her past. She wants to make a fresh start, so she decides to open a restaurant with help from her family. Her executive chef quits a few weeks before opening and her brother brings in award winning chef Alec Morgan, Joe’s older brother. She and Alec were close growing up, Alec always her protector, but since Joe’s death haven’t spoken.

Alec Morgan has secrets that caused him to lose focus and cost him his restaurant and his reputation. Working at Colby’s restaurant is a chance to redeem himself and help her find her happiness. He has been secretly in love with her since they were kids. He also wants to fix/heal his relationship with his dad, who has never thought his profession manly enough.

The more time these two spend together, the more they are drawn to each other. Their secrets still lie between them. Once they are revealed, will they be able to overcome their pasts to make a future together?

I had trouble with Alec’s character. He was supposed to be this nerdy, quiet, easy going guy yet a yelling, driven, intense, perfectionist kitchen machine. The two just didn’t gel for me.

So. Much. Angst. And regurgitating. Joe’s death, Mark’s death, hiding Mark’s diagnosis, Colby’s mother’s issues with her ex, Hunter’s issues with his step mom, the half sister’s issues, Alec’s dad’s issues with everyone (he was a real jerk for the entire book), etc. It just made the whole book feel so heavy and morose. And while I know this is just the first book of the series, so much was still left unsettled.

I voluntarily reviewed an ARC provided by NetGalley and the publisher. ...more

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Oct 27, 2017 Booksandchinooks (Laurie) rated it really liked it

I received a free copy of this book from BookSparks for an honest review. After reading and enjoying a lot of suspense books lately I was ready for a change. Before I Knew came along at the right time. Colby was widowed two years ago and is now ready to move on from her grief and start some new ventures in her life. She has decided to open a restaurant and her childhood friend Alec has been hired as the new chef. Alec is also ready to make changes in his life. His brother Joe died just over two ...more

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Aug 21, 2017 Caro rated it really liked it

Shelves: t

Well, this was lovely.

We have Colby and Alec, they’ve known each other for years, but sadly they are torn apart because of some horrible tragedies. My heart really hurt for these two, they were in such a difficult situation, so much that it held them back from moving on, even with each other.

I felt it was great they were both willing to move on from that tragedy and I hated Alec’s dad for not allowing him to do that. I get the grief, but that man was awful, just wanting everyone to hurt like him ...more

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Oct 01, 2017 Jean rated it really liked it

Shelves: netgalley, montlake

Before I knew is an emotional story about loss and starting over. It has been two years since Colby Cabot-Baxter watched her husband, Mark commit suicide. She is ready for a new start with opening a new restaurant. Her old friend Alec Morgan is dealing with his own regrets about his part in both his brother's accident and Mark's suicide. He is now getting a second chance at making amends with Colby, his family and his reputation as an award-winning chef.

The story was well written and the charact ...more

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Oct 20, 2021 Reading rated it it was ok

Profoundly irritating main characters

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Mar 04, 2020 Kate Kingsbury rated it liked it

Very much a downer. Maybe it's me, but I read to be uplifted. This didn't do it. ...more

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Jun 03, 2018 Pam rated it it was amazing

Before I Knew: The Cabots Book 1 is by Jamie Beck. This book deals with the aftermath of an accidental death and a suicide. How families deal with each is something that needs to be looked at. No family reacts in the same way. It also deals with bipolar disorder.
Colby Cabot-Baxter has had a rough two years. First, her husband, Mark, and her best friend, Joe, had gone on a hike near Lake Sandy, Oregon. For some reason, Mark dared Joe to jump off a cliff and he took the dare and was killed. Joe h ...more

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Aug 26, 2017 Danielle's rated it really liked it

Shelves: arc-books-including-netgalley, kindle-unlimited-books

Jamie Beck is one of my favourite authors, and I'm always excited when she brings out a new book. Before I knew is the start of a new series, The Cabots.

Books dealing with grief are not my favourite, especially when it is one of the main themes in a story. However, with this said I still enjoyed this book. It has a lot going on, and the story was really interesting.

Colby Cabot-Baxter lost her husband 2 years ago and has never recovered. It's not because he was the love of her life, or she can't ...more

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Sep 11, 2017 Jane rated it it was amazing

Shelves: family-issues, first-reads-giveaway, contemporary-romance, 300-399-pages, ebooks-owned, oregon

I want to thank Jamie Beck, author and Goodreads First Reads Giveaway for my eBook copy of Before I Knew that I won in the Giveaway.

Before I Knew is an emotional romance that deals with family left after a tragic accidental death and then another family member taking his life. It has been two year since Colby Cabot-Baxter watched her husband commit suicide and she is taking positive steps to change her life and move on with the opening of A Certain Tea, a new restaurant. Alec Morgan is dealing w ...more

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Jun 12, 2017 Beverly rated it it was amazing

BEFORE I KNEW is an exceptional first book in Jamie Beck's new series THE CABOT'S. I was heartbroken before the end of chapter one and relished my heart being mended as Ms Beck wove her magic throughout the remainder of the story.

Jamie Beck has a knack for being able to pull a reader into her stories with potent plot lines and magnificently strong, yet flawed characters. These characteristics are certainly present in BEFORE I KNEW and each enhances the story and allows for readers to be totally ...more

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Aug 08, 2017 Mary rated it it was amazing

I received a free copy of this book to read and review for Wicked Reads.

An emotional and heart wrenching story from the first page to the last. Ms. Beck brought together well developed characters that told a story in a heartfelt and compelling manner.

The character of Colby is one of a woman trying to find her place in the world after the tragic death of one of her closest childhood friends and her husband's suicide. Her emotional state is fragile at the beginning but you can see her slowly r ...more

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Jul 22, 2017 Janga rated it really liked it

4.5 Stars

Before I Knew is the first book in the Cabot series. It is also the first book I have read by Jamie Beck. It will not be the last. Beck’s complex characters and perfectly paced, layered plot made this an excellent read. Colby and Alec are likeable characters, credibly flawed and dealing with wounds inflicted by people they love. These are characters in whom I believe and for whom I root without reservation. Their story is one of the best contemporary friends-to-lovers stories I’ve read ...more

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Aug 24, 2017 Emily rated it it was amazing

I greatly enjoyed reading this book, especially as a beach read of which it was perfect for. The writing style was great and the plot moved along at a good clip. I'm a sucker for long-pined for romances so this was very easy for me to get into.

The story was clearly present day but the exact dates didn't weigh on the plotline and I liked that I could read it and be completely absorbed in it without wondering about dates. It just didn't matter. So with that being said my biggest issue with it was ...more

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Sep 19, 2017 Cathy rated it it was amazing

Standing Ovation

I confess I read other reviews before I read this book and was nervous before opening the first chapter. I am a fan of Ms. Beck's books and writing style and while this book was a different storyline approach for her, she did an excellent job in writing this couple's story. Just because a story involves two people struggling with shared bad memories it does not make the book a bad read. I did not feel weighed down by the storyline and characters and found the book hard to put dow ...more

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Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestselling author Jamie Beck’s realistic and heartwarming stories have sold more than three million cop ...more

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“Blame. Such a useless word. People flung it around when they were mad or hurt. Or they carried it like a cross until it destroyed any chance at redemption or happiness. Blame never solved one problem or changed a single outcome. A pointless, unproductive, ultimately destructive concept, really.” — 1 likes

“That’s how marriage works. How love works. You have to forgive. You have to remember that it isn’t always easy. And you have to fight for love, too.” — 1 likes

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