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Siblings Without Rivalry
Adele Faber
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Siblings Without Rivalry

4.13  ·  Rating details ·  6,294 Ratings  ·  718 Reviews
Sibling relationships are often fraught with rivalry, jealousy, bitterness, and violence, and the older kids get, the worse the problems seem to get. Sibling strife can be agony for the parents, and few are prepared for the intensity of the battles and emotions that their kids have with each other. The title, Siblings Without Rivalry promises a lot, and Adele Faber and Ela ...more
Published April 23rd 1990 by Random House Value Publishing (first published April 1st 1987)
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Feb 19, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too

I am going to record my notes, so I have a place to keep them.
- When siblings complaining, just try and repeat back what they are saying (helps them understand and validate feelings)
- If younger child gets pushed down accidentally, say, "Oh know you didn't want that to happen, you were having so much fun together (reminds of good relationship)
- Write signs on kids to remind the older sibling. (ex. "When I scream
Francisco Herrero
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Sep 26, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
September 28, 2011

At the rate we're going, some of us won't make it out alive. It could be me. It could be one of the girls. Or both of them! Or all three of us! Desperate times. Hoping for a miracle here.

October 4, 2011

I don't know how many stars to give this book, because I haven't fully put it to the test yet. Four for now. I've tried a few little changes and they've actually helped tremendously!!! But I'm trying to not get too excited. I'll come back and update in a month or so. This is the
There is some helpful info here, and it reads quickly. But the writing style got on my nerves after about 3 chapters! It's written in a pseudo-narrative format including dialogue, told from the point of view of the leader of a group of parents who are learning how to help their children get along. The dialogue sounds canned and repetitive. The note at the beginning makes it clear that the whole narrative is fictionalized -- based on true experiences of real parents but after awhile it all starts ...more
Feb 27, 2016 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I didn't feel that there was much new material here that wasn't already in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. Some of it kinda felt like a no-brainer.

There is also one definite problem. I was reading an older copy and maybe this is fixed in newer editions, but this book advises the reader to ask their child to show their aggression to a surrogate object (such as by punching a doll in lieu of a sibling). Supposedly, this enables the parent to show the child that they
Oct 14, 2010 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Eh, it was okay. I know I said I liked it, but it's really because it did what it promised to do - gave me a few things to try in my home to help my children get along better with each other. Not trying to treat kids equally, spending quality time with each, helping them problems solve... good information, crappy format and perspective.

The writing was literally painful for two reasons. First, the "discussion" format got old after about page 3, and second I take serious issue with the analogy of
Andrea Thorpe
Jul 03, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was a really easy read and I got a lot out of it. I think the biggest challenge for me is to stay out of my boys fights and not create a triangle. This book helped cure me of that. This topic is a work in progress! It reminded me that sibling rivalry is a natural part of growing up. And, that not taking sides brings them closer together, because they don't feel that mom is giving one of them preferential treatment. This book is filled with anecdotal evidence and stories from people that are ...more
Wendy Yu
Aug 18, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Format, the cartoons (even a poem at the end!) are sooooooooo cheesy, but I can handle a retro vibe if the advice is good. The horror stories are (I hope!) too dramatic where siblings hate each other, themselves and their parents. It made me very scared to have two kids, but, oh well, too late!

1. Acknowledge negative feelings, don't dismiss them (e.g. "Bobby said I'm a moron" DON'T RESPOND WITH "oh, just ignore him" say "a comment like that could make you mad!"). Identify the feeling or talk abo
May 13, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Another great book by Faber and Mazlish, I decided to read this after reading their other book a few years ago (How to Talk so Kids will Listen...). Now my girls are 9 and 7 years old, and although they get along nicely occasionally, there are plenty of (daily, hourly) fights, bickering, arguing over things, screaming at each other, etc. So I've been eager for a little helpful wisdom regarding sibling issues and the best way to handle it. Just like their other book, it is full of very practical ...more
Sarah Jamison
In my circles, this book is pretty well gospel for those with more than one kid. Written as a piece of narrative, instructive non-fiction, Siblings Without Rivalry discusses how to deal with your kids when they fight. The goal is to be aware of their motivations, your actions and reactions, and how to set up a house where, even if everyone is not at peace with one another, then at least everyone is respectful of each other.

Faber and Mazlish preface their work with a note that this book is an ou
Jul 03, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Adele Faber is the author of the bestselling "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk". In "Siblings Without Rivalry", she shares her materials from classes that she conducts to help parents deal with siblings who fight or don't get along. She shares the basic concepts, which are fairly straightforward, along with some great stories from parents who have made use of her suggestions in their own families.

The core idea of dealing with kids who fight with each other is to ref
Oct 03, 2009 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Written by the same authors of "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk." As with most of these types of books, all that they needed to say could probably be summed up in a chapter or two, but they pad it with a lot of stories. The most helpful points I found were illustrated in cartoon form. If you got the book and just read the cartoons, you'd have about 90% of the meat of the book. The strongest advice is accepting the children's feelings, even bad feelings toward one a ...more
Jun 07, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I've noticed in the last few months my 3 year old acting out more towards her younger sister. It seemed to have coincided with her becoming mobile and grabbing onto toys and demanding more of my attention.

Someone from my mom group mentioned this book as being helpful identifying certain things we are doing or saying that may contribute to the sibling rivalry. So in effort to nip it on the bud... or at the very least have tools in my arsenal to tackle what's to come, I grabbed a copy.

The book r
Hayley DeRoche
Pro: Solid advice that takes into account the experiences and opinions of both children in conflicts. I'll probably use bits and bobs here and there in my parenting.

-The "class narrative" format get so tedious after two or so chapters. Maybe it's because I'm a regular reader of nonfiction, but I would be fine with a dry nonfiction text over this "class" format, dear lord.

-This book positions children with disabilities as children with "problems" -- problematic to say the least! While it's n
Scout Collins

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish have wonderful, practical ideas for dealing with kids (and in this case, siblings).

The way their parenting books are designed/laid out are functional, organized and helpful. They describe concepts, show stories highlighting that concept, add comics with the "right" way and the "wrong" way of doing something, and neatly summarize at the end of the chapter.

In the first place they make things simple and practical, so you can start applying easily. They d
Jannah (Cloud Child)
Again I find myself babbling in admiration for another of their books. I don't know if its because I had the paperback copies or if the content is just so relatable, that this was such a smooth fast read, which would have been even faster, had I not been distracted at times by the internet, since I was free most of the day.

Though this topic has been broached in a few of their books already, they really fully expanded on all the issues and it seems they updated the book further as I had an ext
Jan 08, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I know this won't fix every problem my kids have with each other. I know that I have to keep praying for them and help shaping their hearts with God's Word. But I like the way this book made me re-evaluate how I react when my kids squabble, and I like the suggestions and examples of how to get the kids thinking towards positive solutions they come up with themselves. I hope that I can put these ideas in to practice and enjoy some peace from time to time.
May 08, 2018 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: nonfiction
I’d say an alternative title to this book could be How to be Respectful of Your Kids and Their Feelings While Trying to Help Them Work Out Their Sibling Issues. But that’s a little long so how about How not to be a Jerk to Your Kids. Because I’ll be honest as a parent these are reminders I need sometimes, especially as a parent of an extremely sensitive child. While the delivery comes across as a little condescending there are a lot of good new ideas in here as well as reinforcement of things I ...more
Dec 13, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Can guess why I might have picked this one up? There is good stuff in there. Basically, validate feelings, don’t set your kids up to be competitive with each other, and show your confidence in them to solve their problems together so that both will end up happy. I’m missing some, but these are ones I’ve been putting into practice. It hasn’t been foolproof, but definitely interesting and pretty fun to try out. I would suggest making sure he copy you read have the updated extra chapter too. Oh, an ...more
Michelle Dodson
May 14, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I listened to this via Hoopla. Narrator: Kathe Mazur
The suggestions are practical/useful. Highly recommend.
Oct 28, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I think this book might be the key to everything, including world peace.
Apr 20, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: favorites
I really enjoyed this book, I do wish it had a small section about new babies in the family but I was able to adapt the skills to meet my daughters' needs.
Apr 03, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
In “Siblings Without Rivalry,” Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish do something they didn’t manage to accomplish in “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk”: they set themselves apart from the rest of the parenting prescription pack. Though I found the book’s central conceit – that it retells the exchanges of one composite parenting workshop – perpetually annoying, the actual advice specific to fostering healthy and happy sibling relationships has proved invaluable in my house ...more
Generally good ideas and the format is easy to read, but like a lot of books in this genre, repetitive.The pictures were helpful. The update at the end is very unorganized and doesn't add much.

Shaikha Al-Riyami
Feb 22, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: audible
Well narrated, wasn't boring and so many examples.
Soner Işıksal
Oct 01, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Çocukları arasındaki problemlerden yorulup seanslara katılan ebeveynler, kendilerini çocuklarıyla değil çocukluklarıyla hesaplaşırken bulurlar ve pek çok ilginç, düşündürücü ve sarsıcı hikaye ortaya çıkar.

Evde kardeşlerden birinin 'iyi çocuk', birinin 'kötü çocuk' olarak yaftalanmasının, 'iyi çocuk' için bile nasıl yıkıcı olabileceğine ilişkin bir hikayeyi kısaltarak alıntılamak istedim:

"...Seanstan çıktığımızda annemin Drothy'yi hep benden yukarıda görmesini ve Drothy'nin üstünlük taslamasını h
Feb 11, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: parents
I have enjoyed listening to the audio CD editions of the parenting books by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. And I have found that their advice, their anecdotal stories, as well as their reassurance about what behaviors are considered age-appropriate, have helped me greatly in my parenting journey.

As an only child, I have struggled with the fact that our girls could be incredibly close at one moment and at each other's throats the next. Whenever I confront behavior that I find to be inappropriat
Jan 12, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: chelsys-readings
Use Words for feelings, make wishes, do a creative/symbolic activity (Hang a "private property" sign on door)
"People are not for hurting." (tell with words)
Draw a pictures
Write it out
"Insisting upon good feelings between children leads to bad feelings.
Allowing for bad feelings between siblings leads to good feelings."

Don't try to make equal: focus on individual NEEDS (feelings, time, etc) and uniqueness of each child
Don't give attention to the aggressor: pay attention to the injured party instea
Apr 25, 2010 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: parents, grandparents, teachers
Recommended to Jessie by: LLL Leader
I found their advice to treat children uniquely rather than equally to make a ton of sense!

The book is making me think back to my childhood a LOT and has so many awesome solutions for some of my memories growing up with 2 brothers & 2 sisters and the way my parents chose to handle things. It's funny, I always thought that one day when I was a parent, I was going to be as fair as Solomon and came up with all the right answers... yet reading the book I've learned that no matter what decision t
Lewis Manalo
This book probably isn't 100% useless, but it's pretty damn near. It takes for granted that our children have no minds of their own, and that as parents we are almost entirely responsible for who our kids grow up to be.

- The early chapters use a ridiculous polygamy metaphor to try to illustrate how children feel about siblings, depicting jealousy as the only emotion two people loved by the same person could feel for one another.

- The book offers nothing other than anecdotal evidence for the so
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Adele Faber graduated from Queens College with a B.A. in theater and drama, earned her master's degree in education from New York University, and taught in the New York City high schools for eight years before joining the faculty of the New School for Social Research in New York and Family Life Institute of C.W. Post College of Long Island University. She is the mother of three children.
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“It’s important to make a distinction between allowing feelings and allowing actions,” I replied. “We permit children to express all their feelings. We don’t permit them to hurt each other. Our job is to show them how to express their anger without doing damage.” 2 likes
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