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Õed ja vennad rahujalal : kuidas aidata oma lastel ühe katuse all elada ja ise sealjuures ellu jääda
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Õed ja vennad rahujalal : kuidas aidata oma lastel ühe katuse all elada ja ise sealjuures ellu jääda

4.15  ·  Rating details ·  7,845 ratings  ·  880 reviews
Tegemist on raamatu Kuidas rääkida lastega nii, et nad kuulaksid ja kuulata lapsi nii, et nad räägiksid (e. k. 2008) autorite kõige kuulsama raamatuga, mis neile ka maailmakuulsuse tõi. Käsiraamat, mida on nimetatud ka lapsevanemate Piibliks, annab delikaatses ning humoorikas stiilis näpunäiteid, kuidas aidata oma lastel ühe katuse all elada ja ise sealjuures ellu jääda, s ...more
Paperback, 202 pages
Published 2011 by Canopus (first published April 1st 1987)
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Feb 19, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too

I am going to record my notes, so I have a place to keep them.
- When siblings complaining, just try and repeat back what they are saying (helps them understand and validate feelings)
- If younger child gets pushed down accidentally, say, "Oh know you didn't want that to happen, you were having so much fun together (reminds of good relationship)
- Write signs on kids to remind the olde
Francisco Herrero
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Oct 14, 2010 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Eh, it was okay. I know I said I liked it, but it's really because it did what it promised to do - gave me a few things to try in my home to help my children get along better with each other. Not trying to treat kids equally, spending quality time with each, helping them problems solve... good information, crappy format and perspective.

The writing was literally painful for two reasons. First, the "discussion" format got old after about page 3, and second I take serious issue with the
There is some helpful info here, and it reads quickly. But the writing style got on my nerves after about 3 chapters! It's written in a pseudo-narrative format including dialogue, told from the point of view of the leader of a group of parents who are learning how to help their children get along. The dialogue sounds canned and repetitive. The note at the beginning makes it clear that the whole narrative is fictionalized -- based on true experiences of real parents but after awhile it all starts ...more
Sep 26, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
September 28, 2011

At the rate we're going, some of us won't make it out alive. It could be me. It could be one of the girls. Or both of them! Or all three of us! Desperate times. Hoping for a miracle here.

October 4, 2011

I don't know how many stars to give this book, because I haven't fully put it to the test yet. Four for now. I've tried a few little changes and they've actually helped tremendously!!! But I'm trying to not get too excited. I'll come back and u
Feb 27, 2016 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I didn't feel that there was much new material here that wasn't already in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. Some of it kinda felt like a no-brainer.

There is also one definite problem. I was reading an older copy and maybe this is fixed in newer editions, but this book advises the reader to ask their child to show their aggression to a surrogate object (such as by punching a doll in lieu of a sibling). Supposedly, this enables the parent to show the child tha
Jul 03, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book almost made me cry (and I don't cry easily for books). Just reading/hearing the words coming out of parents mouths from the examples in the book, from parents around me, and from myself and then seeing the contrast described in the book was an indescribable experience for me.

I would wager that the vast majority of us have specific issues, big or small, because of the labeling whether implied or said outloud, from our parents. It is amazing how much trauma this causes. This
Lewis Manalo
This book probably isn't 100% useless, but it's pretty damn near. It takes for granted that our children have no minds of their own, and that as parents we are almost entirely responsible for who our kids grow up to be.

- The early chapters use a ridiculous polygamy metaphor to try to illustrate how children feel about siblings, depicting jealousy as the only emotion two people loved by the same person could feel for one another.

- The book offers nothing other than anecd
Aug 30, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
3.5 / 5 stars, rounded up to 4.

Does it work? I don't know... perhaps if my flying monkeys had read it, the strategies would be more effective, but I'm trying to implement them so we'll see....

It reinforces all the things one learns at parenting courses about making sure your child is heard, and has their feelings acknowledged. I skipped over the last section of adults telling stories about their own childhood, and how damaged they became by their parents less-than-spect
Andrea Thorpe
Jul 03, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was a really easy read and I got a lot out of it. I think the biggest challenge for me is to stay out of my boys fights and not create a triangle. This book helped cure me of that. This topic is a work in progress! It reminded me that sibling rivalry is a natural part of growing up. And, that not taking sides brings them closer together, because they don't feel that mom is giving one of them preferential treatment. This book is filled with anecdotal evidence and stories from people that are ...more
Kaytee Cobb
This book is absolutely going on my shelves. I wanted to highlight the whole thing, except I listened to it as an audiobook. The examples, the classroom sessions, they are so useful. I love that it's not JUST Faber and Mazlish's experience as parents, but those of their students as well. And I love that the updated edition includes additional information and letters received after the release of the book. This is a MUST for any parent that has more than one child. And I almost want to give it as ...more
Wendy Yu
Aug 18, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Format, the cartoons (even a poem at the end!) are sooooooooo cheesy, but I can handle a retro vibe if the advice is good. The horror stories are (I hope!) too dramatic where siblings hate each other, themselves and their parents. It made me very scared to have two kids, but, oh well, too late!

1. Acknowledge negative feelings, don't dismiss them (e.g. "Bobby said I'm a moron" DON'T RESPOND WITH "oh, just ignore him" say "a comment like that could make you mad!"). Identify the feeling
May 13, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Another great book by Faber and Mazlish, I decided to read this after reading their other book a few years ago (How to Talk so Kids will Listen...). Now my girls are 9 and 7 years old, and although they get along nicely occasionally, there are plenty of (daily, hourly) fights, bickering, arguing over things, screaming at each other, etc. So I've been eager for a little helpful wisdom regarding sibling issues and the best way to handle it. Just like their other book, it is full of very practical ...more
In my circles, this book is pretty well gospel for those with more than one kid. Written as a piece of narrative, instructive non-fiction, Siblings Without Rivalry discusses how to deal with your kids when they fight. The goal is to be aware of their motivations, your actions and reactions, and how to set up a house where, even if everyone is not at peace with one another, then at least everyone is respectful of each other.

Faber and Mazlish preface their work with a note that this book is an outgrowth
Jul 03, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Adele Faber is the author of the bestselling "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk". In "Siblings Without Rivalry", she shares her materials from classes that she conducts to help parents deal with siblings who fight or don't get along. She shares the basic concepts, which are fairly straightforward, along with some great stories from parents who have made use of her suggestions in their own families.

The core idea of dealing with kids who fight with each oth
Oct 03, 2009 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Written by the same authors of "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk." As with most of these types of books, all that they needed to say could probably be summed up in a chapter or two, but they pad it with a lot of stories. The most helpful points I found were illustrated in cartoon form. If you got the book and just read the cartoons, you'd have about 90% of the meat of the book. The strongest advice is accepting the children's feelings, even bad feelings toward one a ...more
Jan 08, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I know this won't fix every problem my kids have with each other. I know that I have to keep praying for them and help shaping their hearts with God's Word. But I like the way this book made me re-evaluate how I react when my kids squabble, and I like the suggestions and examples of how to get the kids thinking towards positive solutions they come up with themselves. I hope that I can put these ideas in to practice and enjoy some peace from time to time.
Jun 04, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I picked this up because my older two kids are really mean to each other, and after recently having a fourth kid, my husband and I have struggled to "do right" by each of our children. I feel we are always saying the wrong things, putting our kids in 'roles' -- either by birth order or labeling them as the 'whiner,' 'the artist' etc. And then, we don't have the words when they argue and fight..and then I dropped the book after reading a few chapters, because these types of practical texts feel r ...more
Apr 03, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
In “Siblings Without Rivalry,” Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish do something they didn’t manage to accomplish in “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk”: they set themselves apart from the rest of the parenting prescription pack. Though I found the book’s central conceit – that it retells the exchanges of one composite parenting workshop – perpetually annoying, the actual advice specific to fostering healthy and happy sibling relationships has proved invaluable in my house ...more
Jun 07, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I've noticed in the last few months my 3 year old acting out more towards her younger sister. It seemed to have coincided with her becoming mobile and grabbing onto toys and demanding more of my attention.

Someone from my mom group mentioned this book as being helpful identifying certain things we are doing or saying that may contribute to the sibling rivalry. So in effort to nip it on the bud... or at the very least have tools in my arsenal to tackle what's to come, I grabbed a copy.

The book r
Scout Collins

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish have wonderful, practical ideas for dealing with kids (and in this case, siblings).

The way their parenting books are designed/laid out are functional, organized and helpful. They describe concepts, show stories highlighting that concept, add comics with the "right" way and the "wrong" way of doing something, and neatly summarize at the end of the chapter.

In the first place they make things simple and practical, so you can start
Feb 11, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: parents
I have enjoyed listening to the audio CD editions of the parenting books by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. And I have found that their advice, their anecdotal stories, as well as their reassurance about what behaviors are considered age-appropriate, have helped me greatly in my parenting journey.

As an only child, I have struggled with the fact that our girls could be incredibly close at one moment and at each other's throats the next. Whenever I confront behavior that I find to be inappropriate, they will
Jannah (Cloud Child)
Again I find myself babbling in admiration for another of their books. I don't know if its because I had the paperback copies or if the content is just so relatable, that this was such a smooth fast read, which would have been even faster, had I not been distracted at times by the internet, since I was free most of the day.

Though this topic has been broached in a few of their books already, they really fully expanded on all the issues and it seems they updated the book furth
Dec 23, 2014 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Mainly, this book scared me! I read it before I had my second child and there are a lot of pretty awful stories about how mean siblings can be to one another. It then occurred to me that most people will only read this book if they are already having problems with sibling rivalry--so it would not scare them!

My main takeaway (that I can already implement with my toddler and newborn) is to never compare the kids to each other. Even something as innocent as, "Sarah has on her shoes. Joh
Dec 15, 2008 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Very helpful tips, but I think it's geared more toward older children. It is a very readable book and story-based, which is helpful. It's also pretty sane parenting and the advice is practical. I have been trying some of the ideas with my toddlers, but the suggestions are all about talking through issues and it's harder to do that with a 3 and 1 year old than I thought it would be. It is a huge issue though and I would love recommendations on how to stop my girls from fighting (or more specifica ...more
Dec 27, 2014 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: parents
My rating doesn't refer to effectiveness of book's proposed approach. However, it's certainly an inspiring and uplifting one. Again, like with "How to Talk so Kids Listen and Listen so Kids Talk", authors focus on giving as many examples as possible, with similar short comic stories which I find terrific as mnemonics. Some dialogues feel a bit odd, sometimes I found myself thinking "hmmm people don't talk like that". Anyway, the ideas of how to deal with conflicts between children seem pretty co ...more
Sep 21, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I did like the practical ideas and what exactly to say in certain situations. But at the same time, I felt a little overwhelmed that I could never (not that I would, but unconsciously) compare my children, show favoritism, say anything positive about one child in front of the other, etc. All the stories about grown-up children having problems with their siblings and why made me nervous... I hope my kids will grow up having good relationships with each other. Interesting to read about how sibling ...more
Can guess why I might have picked this one up? There is good stuff in there. Basically, validate feelings, don’t set your kids up to be competitive with each other, and show your confidence in them to solve their problems together so that both will end up happy. I’m missing some, but these are ones I’ve been putting into practice. It hasn’t been foolproof, but definitely interesting and pretty fun to try out. I would suggest making sure he copy you read have the updated extra chapter too. Oh, an ...more
May 08, 2018 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: nonfiction
I’d say an alternative title to this book could be How to be Respectful of Your Kids and Their Feelings While Trying to Help Them Work Out Their Sibling Issues. But that’s a little long so how about How not to be a Jerk to Your Kids. Because I’ll be honest as a parent these are reminders I need sometimes, especially as a parent of an extremely sensitive child. While the delivery comes across as a little condescending there are a lot of good new ideas in here as well as reinforcement of things I ...more
Jun 09, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2015, 2015-nonfiction
Second time through. Still quite good and "real," in spite of the cartoons, which are aspirational at best. But the concepts are solid. I would like them to just come live in my house for a week, observe, and give me feedback. Or, take over any time any of my children are interacting with one another.

I recently read a quote that went something like, "I was never a yeller until I had a second child." Amen, sister. Sing it.

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Adele Faber graduated from Queens College with a B.A. in theater and drama, earned her master's degree in education from New York University, and taught in the New York City high schools for eight years before joining the faculty of the New School for Social Research in New York and Family Life Institute of C.W. Post College of Long Island University. She is the mother of three children.
“It’s important to make a distinction between allowing feelings and allowing actions,” I replied. “We permit children to express all their feelings. We don’t permit them to hurt each other. Our job is to show them how to express their anger without doing damage.” 4 likes
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