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How to Listen So People Will Talk: Build Stronger Communication and Deeper Connections

4.02  ·  Rating details ·  99 ratings  ·  45 reviews
How Listening Well Builds Stronger Communication and Deeper Connections

No relationship is perfect--but it can be better. The secret to stronger relationships isn't to become more charming or funny or to solve the world's problems or to just try harder. All you have to do is listen. It's that simple.

Yet our noisy culture hasn't equipped us to do this. With warmth and a tou
Paperback, 176 pages
Published August 1st 2017 by Bethany House Publishers
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Oct 06, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Age Appropriate For: 13 and up (for brief mention of hard things in author’s past)
Best for Ages: 18 and up

I love to talk, but the Bible clearly says that we are to be quick to listen and slow to speak. As I have trouble doing this, I was excited to read this book. It didn’t disappoint me. I found myself being convicted, encouraged, and given practical steps to become a better listener.

This is a small book, but it took me a while to go through it. Why? Because it was jammed packed with a lot of g
Aug 31, 2017 rated it really liked it
I highly recommend this book. It has been a while since I have read a book containing so much insight and practical information. The topic is listening and the character traits and behaviors that make us good listeners are covered well.

The part of the book that had the greatest impact on me was the section explaining how humility is a requirement to being a good listener. Harling believes growth requires getting honest feedback. Humility is essential to listening well and getting the feedback we
Michelle Kidwell
Sep 06, 2017 rated it it was amazing

How to Listen So People Will Talk

Build Stronger Communication and Deeper Connections

by Becky Harling

Bethany House

Bethany House Publishers


Pub Date 01 Aug 2017

I am reviewing a copy of How to Listen So People Will Talk through Bethany House Publishers and Netgalley:

This book encourages us to develop a deeper relationship with friends, loved ones and Colleagues by taking the time to listen. We are also reminded that we have to be willing to receive honest feedback. We are encouraged first
Taylor Phillips
Aug 26, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Ok, I admit it: I’ve always been a people pleaser. I want to make people happy and solve all their problems. But when a colleague and my teenager told me in the same week that I wasn’t even listening to their problems, I decided to read Becky Harling’s How to Listen so People Will Talk. In a style so comfortable it was as if she and I were sitting on the front porch swing together, Becky Harling explained to me that I wasn’t the problem solver. I was only the conduit for Jesus to show His love t ...more
Apr 09, 2019 rated it it was ok
Couldn't get through it. Great premise, but there was way too much focus on God/Jesus and it was distracting to the reader if that's not your belief system. The author could have made her point without bringing religion into it, but since religion is so central to her argument, it might make sense to mention this in the main book description.

Otherwise, it was great advice in terms of not interrupting people, not giving advice that is not solicited, and asking questions. It just wasn't accessible
Dee/ bookworm
Sep 02, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Great communication advice! A lot of self reflection, which is definitely important when dealing with talking and listening. A lot of examples of biblical references, but whether you are religious or not, very sound advice.

I received an advanced reader copy in exchange for a fair review.
Puspanjalee Dutta
Feb 15, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I am in a profession where talks matter a lot. Being a coach, it is important for me to know the clients and what to offer so that they keep coming to me. For me, listening is more important than talking.

One thing I learnt from the book is that it really helped to shift my focus from talking to listening. I am often told that I am a good listener but I was really in vague while learning the person in front of me.
Becky Harling had taught me how to listen to people so that they can open to me. The
Sep 14, 2017 rated it it was ok
There are lots of good tips and ideas in the book, however coming from a more conservative church body than the author, I had difficulties with some of the theological content of the book. I enjoyed the tips on how to be a good listener and have been trying to put some of them in to place (not offering advice, asking more questions, etc). However, being one who does not believe in direct revelation from God outside of Scripture, I took issue with her asking me to listen for God's voice coming di ...more
Nathan Albright
Aug 28, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: challenge2017
[Note:  This book was provided free of charge by Bethany House Publishing.  All thoughts and opinions are my own.]

Those who know me are quite aware of the fact that I frequently lament how awkward my communications are and how silence and difficulty in having people communicate with me has long marked my own interactions with other people [1].  Both my awkwardness and my awareness of it tend to lead me to read many books on communication [2].  There are likely many such people, and this book see
Sep 20, 2017 rated it really liked it
My thoughts…
This book contained good pointers and ideas for how to listen so people will be more willing to talk to you. It was clear and concise (not too long of a read either!–I just got behind this time 😦 ).
I liked how much Becky used scripture in this book. She pretty much used scripture to support her every point which is the way I think it should be.
Chapter five, on asking good questions was probably my favorite chapter because it gave good, constructive ideas throughout.
Loved that she use
Hannah Wilkinson
Sep 29, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This is a phenomenal book, one I highly recommend for any believer. If you think you listen well, read this anyway! I truly thought I listened well, mainly because I am typically that quiet girl who likes to ask people questions to keep attention on them and off me. However, when the author asked the reader to ask someone close to them to evaluate their listening skills, I asked my husband. I knew he would speak the truth in love, the way he always does. But honestly, I somehow expected more per ...more
Rajalakshmi Prithviraj
This is a non-fictional account of understanding the nuances of the Art of Listening. The book highlights the importance of listening skills and what are the required ingredients for effective communication with the help of excerpts from the Bible.

The writing style is really simple and lucid, the language is easy to comprehend and narration flows smoothly. Yet, personally for me, one major hitch I had was in understanding the biblical references. I am not an aethist and not a Christian, therefor
C.E. Hart
Aug 29, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction
One of the first things that caught my attention while reading How to Listen so People will Talk is the friendly, non-judgmental, conversational tone. It is as if a friend is sitting across the table and talking to you about issues they’re facing.

Although I’m an introvert, I’m also a talker. Talkers often have so many things rolling around in their heads that they tend to interrupt or not offer their undivided attention while others are speaking to them. I, for one, could be a better listener,
Sep 25, 2017 rated it it was amazing
What is the secret to an especially good relationship with anyone? According to Becky Harling in her recently released book, How to Listen so People Will Talk, it is to listen well. She says it really is just that simple.

How to Listen so People Will Talk is a short book with a lot of good information in it. Harling shares stories from her life and from the Bible to help Christians better understand how to listen and communicate with friends and family--and anyone else they come in contact with.
Sep 13, 2017 rated it really liked it
Most of this is common sense, we just usually make the choice to check our email while our best friend is on the phone crying her eyes out about something her husband said to her. But to make the choice to fully hear her- Harling has some great- and practical- tips and advice to help listen to her. Not tell her how to handle that husband of hers, but truly, genuinely listen. Your friend probably just wants to vent about it and will then feel better about it, not have your advice, so sit back and ...more
Shannon Whitehead
Sep 15, 2017 rated it liked it
Shelves: arc, read-2017, christian
If you're a chronic interrupter like I am, you'll glean wisdom from this book. The author gives practical tips for becoming a better listener, more empathetic friend, and overall more present person who prioritizes genuine relationships. Honestly, the book is short and I thought some of the advice given was "corny" and obvious, but there are definitely good takeaways. I appreciated how the author pointed to Scripture and emphasized learning to listen like Jesus. I was, however, wary of some of t ...more
Aug 30, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Becky Harling's How to Listen So People Will Talk: Building Stronger Communication and Deeper Connections is a book that will help to transformation relationships. It's a real gift to the Church at a time when we need it most -- when we need the skills to learn to listen deeply in a world so distracted with a myriad of voices.

Relationships are made or broken when we listen (or, fail to listen) to one another. This book will help with those skills in order to create deeper relationships, not just
Aaron Cash
Oct 02, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2018-reads
My biggest struggle in life has been involved with communication. Constantly not having boundaries was the first thing that I realised that would be the biggest change bringer. The next was learning how to listen effectively.

Through this book I have discovered that God invites us into a journey of listening to his voice but also as we grow in him we become more aware of those times where we have struggled to listen. For me I learned quickly how to listen to God. Now it's time to focus on my hor
Janet Eckles
Aug 18, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I mastered the art of listening. Sure I did, I’ve been in ministry for a couple of decades. Oh, how wrong I was. “How to Listen So People Will Talk” woke me up to a new reality. I devoured the insights, illustrations, warnings and the rewards for someone who truly values the listening skill. I have my homework outlined. And as I put in practice the brilliant points presented in this engaging book, I believe my relationships have indeed become richer.

And to make this even a more outstanding exper
Stephanie - Books Less Travelled
*I received a copy from the author for review. This does not affect my review.*

Very well written and insightful. I find times when I struggle to listen, and am quick to speak. This book gives useful and practical ways to practice listening and truly hearing what others have to say. This is my first time reading a book by this author, but I enjoyed how Becky Harling uses examples of her life, and other every day situations to help readers relate to the author, and see how being a better listener
Mar 15, 2018 rated it really liked it
I have had this book sitting on my desk for far too long now, so I finally decided to pick it up and read it yesterday morning. Many self-help books bore me to death, but this one didn't. The theme of the book is "learning to listen to what others have to say," which is fairly simple, and is something that I'm not very good at. Normally, I prefer to mine my own business instead of listening to somebody's problems, so the book does apply to me.

Overall, How To Listen So People Will Talk is a well
Corey Baer
Apr 20, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I don't shy away from 5 stars with this book because I needed and Still need the many, Many wise words in this book. It may not be the best book I've ever read, it may not be the most flowery, the most witty, the most inventive or trendy..

But I Needed this. And (again) Still do.

I used to have strong rooted habits of some of these skills. I think most children were born with a heightened ability to innately have these skills. Maybe lifestyle as a child cultivates it well. Maybe..
Love this
Aug 01, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This book is great! It's an easy read, with the author's warm and genuine personality coming through. In just a few days I have already noticed my listening skills improving. This book will help you take a deeper look at yourself and at what some of the reasons are that you might not be a great listener. It also includes exercises at the end of every chapter to help you practice the skills outlined. It's a practical, insightful guide to help anyone improve their listening and, in turn, their rel ...more
Lovely Loveday
Aug 29, 2017 rated it really liked it

How To Listen So People Will Talk is an easy to read very informative book that will help you build a stronger way of communicating with more in depth connections. After reading this I noticed my listening skills improved and that I took more time to actually listen to who I was talking to. This book will help you to take a closer look at yourself and help you find what is blocking you from being a good listener. I like that each chapter has exercises and practice skills to help you work on what
Tammie Wilkes
Oct 10, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Great book, I thought I was a good listener! Wow! have I got a lot to work on! Becky does a great job of showing you areas that need work and encouraging you all at the same time. I love her use of scripture to back up her point. It's a practical book, with great tools to help you grow in your listening skills and show those around you that you truly do care about them! I would highly recommend this book!
Janet Eshenroder
Jun 29, 2019 rated it liked it
The author is a devote Christian whose faith forms the foundation of her life and relationships. There are numerous Bible references and prayers. I wasn’t expecting this when I picked up the book, but neither was it an issue.
If one focuses on the gist of the advice , there is abundant advice (or reminders) that will strengthen one’s relationships and one’s understanding and compassion for oneself.
Kandace Cave
Mar 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Good Listen

I opted to listen to this book. It was well worth the read. It had great references and practical tips for being a better listener. Please not that there are several biblical references.
Jun 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing
One of the most helpful books I've read in years. The book is not long but it is filled with practical ways to become a good listener. Each chapter also includes some study and reflection. I'll probably read the book again, maybe even next week! ☺️
David Livingston
Sep 04, 2019 rated it really liked it
Excellent reminder about how to be a good listener.
Want to cultivate great friendships? Learn to listen.
Don't jump in with your own story just because you have one. Let the conversation be about them, not about you.
Learn to use prompts to encourage friends to talk.
May 05, 2020 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Lots of good insights; I didn't really fit her target audience so it wasn't as rewarding to me as it probably would be to some, especially Christian women focusing on improving their relationships with others.
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BECKY HARLING has a degree in Biblical Literature and is a sought-after speaker and Bible teacher at women's conferences and retreats. Through her writing, Becky creatively combines deep biblical insight with her powerful testimony and the stories of other women. Her life experiences as a pastor's wife, parent of four adult children, grandmother of five grandchildren, women's ministries director, ...more

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