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Baffled by Love: Stories of the Lasting Impact of Childhood Trauma Inflicted by Loved Ones

4.62  ·  Rating details ·  85 ratings  ·  22 reviews
For three decades, Laurie Kahn has treated clients who were abused as children people who were injured by someone whom they believed to be trustworthy, someone who professed to love them. Their abusers a father, stepfather, priest, coach, babysitter, aunt, neighbor often were people who inhabited their daily lives. Love is why they come to therapy. Love is what they want, ...more
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Published June 6th 2017 by She Writes Press
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4.62  · 
Rating details
 ·  85 ratings  ·  22 reviews


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Jodi
Dec 20, 2017 rated it liked it
Fascinating perspective. This book is a much-needed reminder for all of us to extend grace to those around us, for we cannot know the brokenness that others may be experiencing. Healing is real, and love is the only true remedy.
M.C. Simon
Jun 08, 2017 rated it it was amazing
It’ been s a long time since a non-fiction book captured my entire attention so deeply. Around me, there is silence. I look at the book covers which I just closed, and the outside silence almost scratched my ears. And inside… inside there’s a storm.

The book in front of my eyes had given birth to vivid feelings in me. I’ve just read a book about LOVE. But…

Not the type of fairy tale love where they lived happily ever after. It’s a book about corrupt models of love, a book about how love can be kil
...more
Stephanie Barko
Aug 22, 2016 rated it it was amazing
These stories were written for lay people and for therapists--for lay people to be able to better lead their own lives and for helping professionals to consider framing child abuse as traumatic attachment. The author, who runs Womencare Counseling Center near Chicago, effectively weaves her own experience of childhood trauma in as one of the stories.

I am not a therapist and cannot say whether the book adds to the previously published body of work on trauma. However, I can say that the stories ar
...more
Micki Peluso
Jun 05, 2017 rated it it was amazing
BAFFLED BY LOVE

Stories of the Lasting Impact of Childhood Trauma Inflicted by Loved Ones

By LAURIE KAHN

“Love is why they come to therapy

Love is what they want

And love is what they say is not going well for them”

The basis of this outstanding non-fiction is love. It is the core of the book; the beginning, middle and end of the story. It’s also destructive by causing deep-seated pain and suffering to children and adults of all ages. The author, 'a pioneer in the field of trauma for 30 years' writ
...more
Barbara Bamberger
Jun 06, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: psychology
Baffled by Love - Stories of Lasting Impact of Childhood Trauma Inflicted by Loved Ones
Laurie Kahn
She Writes Press

Review by Barbara Bamberger Scott

Psychotherapist Laurie Kahn has daringly taken on the sorrows, anger and fears of women who, like herself, were mistreated as children by those they trusted most: “I got sick like many of my clients become sick. It is a sickness that comes from secrets unspoken…of losing your voice to protect yourself.”

Correlating events in her own life to those of he
...more
Angie Mangino
Jun 08, 2017 rated it really liked it
Baffled By Love
By Laurie Kahn
2017
Reviewed by Angie Mangino
Rating: 4 stars

In the introduction the author, a trauma therapist who specializes in the treatment of survivors of childhood abuse, informs readers of the substance of this book.

“When they were children, my clients were abused by someone they believed to be trustworthy – someone who professed to love them. … Love is why they come to therapy. Love is what they want, and love, they report, is not going well.”

In these true stories of her cl
...more
Carla Pineda
Jun 05, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This was not an especially easy book to read yet I could not put it down. Laurie Kahn is a pioneer in the field of trauma therapy and knows her subject well. In Baffled by Love: Stories of the Lasting Impact of Childhood Trauma Inflicted by Loved Ones she tells the stories of her clients who experienced love in ways painful and traumatic. Yet, they still long for and search for the "good" kind of love we all long for. What makes this book different from others I have read about this topic is tha ...more
Sheila Trask
May 30, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Another great author coming out of She Writes Press!

Part professional case study, part personal memoir, Baffled by Love is a compassionate and honest look at the impact of childhood trauma on adult relationships. Kahn lets us into the therapy room, the group process, and most hearteningly, her own life, where we learn what it's like to be brought up with love that doesn't look like love.

Kahn's extensive professional experience working with trauma mixes beautifully with a careful, and not alway
...more
Lisl
Jun 06, 2017 rated it it was amazing
How does one explain the reality of cruelty perpetrated by humans onto other people? More baffling would be an encounter with statistics that indicate victims of violence often know their abusers. Worse still wouldn’t even be realizing that many of the traumatized are the most vulnerable of our citizens—children—but rather that those who hurt them so badly are the very people meant to cherish and protect them: authority figures such as parents, relatives, neighbors, coaches, babysitters. The und ...more
Lee Gooden
Jun 06, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Baffled by Love:Stories of the Lasting Impact of Childhood Trauma Inflicted by Loved Ones
Written by, Laurie Kahn
SWP She Writes Press
254 pages

I did not want to like Laurie Kahn’s book Baffled By Love. I despise self-help books and so-called psychology books. I abhor New Age crap recycled and disguised as self-help books. 
I also hate books that rip open the Pandora’s box that is my psyche to its raw and beating heart and then, while plunging down into me further, it triggers and stirs up deep seat
...more
Grady
Aug 03, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Infliction and reparation

Author/therapist/humanist Laurie Kahn is one of the leading experts in the field of trauma treatment. For more than 30 years, Laurie has specialized in the treatment of survivors of childhood abuse. Among her important contributions to her field is the concept of child abuse as specifically a traumatic experience of love, a concept she introduced in 2006 in an article in the Journal of Trauma Practice. She is a frequent presenter at workshops, panels, pre-institutes and
...more
Mary Jo Doig
Jun 08, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This tenderly written memoir is about a therapist who, for thirty years, has worked with children and adults wounded by trauma in their early lives. Laurie Kahn is a warm and wise woman who provides sensitive care to her patients as well as teaches us much about love. We learn the many ways in which lack of love can wound, how a very good professional can heal those wounds, given time and patience; and that even a parent who is "just okay" can raise a healthy child if the child can depend on and ...more
Beth Holzhauer
Jun 24, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This gutsy and brilliant book blends both literary art and clinical wisdom to produce a work that is compelling and compassionate. Ms. Kahn uses unadorned, but gently told, true stories of how cruel and horrific distortions, and the numbing absence of love, injure and maim the psyches and relational road maps of the young child. The book masterfully weaves together psychological theory, snapshots of therapy sessions, and personal memoir to take the reader on a journey into the mind and heart of ...more
Fate's Lady
Dec 20, 2017 rated it liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
This year I took in a teenager who has been neglected and/or emotionally abused his entire life. He's deeply traumatized, and when I saw this book, I expected that it would provide insight, advice, or at least encouragement. What I actually got was more akin to "chicken soup for the adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse's soul" mixed in with a memoir of the therapist and get relation to her own personal trauma. It's moving, but ultimately it feels like it lacks depth despite the gravity of t ...more
Michelle
Mar 10, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I liked the way the writer, intertwined her own experience with childhood abuse. As a survivor of childhood abuse, I fully understand how difficult it is to overcome and trust people. I have survived but, always in the back of my mind I question, if I am making the right decisions as it relates to people. It is often easier to be alone than deal with the difficulty of trust. "Tales cloaked in denial have gentler story lines, their characters more pleasing. But denial makes us and our children vu ...more
Jan
Jun 03, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction, trauma
Baffled by Love. Ah, aren’t we all? But Laurie Kahn masterfully faces this “baffling” with honesty, vulnerability, respect, intelligence, compassion, and careful regard. As a trauma therapist for some 40 years, Kahn weaves the stories of her patients who have been sexually abused as children with memories of her own childhood. As children, all these stories begin in the distorted and corrupt notions of what it means to love and be loved, while the book chronicles the complex and uneven reparativ ...more
Cathy Zane
Apr 08, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This was a fabulous book on a difficult subject. Like Kahn, I am a psychotherapist and childhood trauma survivor who has worked for the past two decades with children and youth who have suffered trauma. Kahn's interweaving of her own story with those of her clients made this book read like a novel -- and hard to put down. Her compassion, courage, and vulnerability both as an author and therapist shine through. It should be required reading for all therapists, but will be equally accessible to an ...more
Tracy
Oct 07, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: therapy-books
I loved this this book. It was compelling and a surprisingly quick, easy read. The author skillfully weaves together stories of clients healing from childhoods full of distorted ideas about love, her own personal story learning about love, her experience of the past 30 years as a psychotherapist working with trauma survivors, and she writes about it all beautifully. It was incredibly instructive and inspiring to read as a clinician, but one doesn't have to be a therapist to read it. This is a ph ...more
Rae Lewis-Thornton
Feb 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction
This book is Amazing... As an adult survivor of childhood abuse both sexual and physical it gave great insight on how trauma impacts you later in life... through real stories the author illuminates the spaces that need to be healed... I didn’t want to put it down... it is heavy but manageable. It may trigger survivors...
Carmen
Feb 04, 2018 rated it really liked it
Amazing in depth explanation of child abuse and why it may be difficult to approach someone in need of help who has been abused. Love the different patient accounts including the author own inscription!
Alyssa
Mar 04, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Excellent, transparent read - Laurie gives us not only insight into the lives of her clients, but her own life as well. Sometimes difficult to read, the stories of the men and women in this book are the stories that we often hide, which is why it was so intriguing and honest a book.
Foxglow
Jul 25, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2017
Told with depth and compassion. For those of us who suffered childhood trauma, a breath of fresh air.
Bal Maharjan
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Jan 19, 2018
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Laurie Kahn MA, LCPC, MFA is a pioneer in the field of trauma treatment. For more than 30 years, Laurie has specialized in the treatment of survivors of childhood abuse. In 1980, she founded Womencare Counseling and Training Center. Since then, her ideas and expertise have served both people who have experienced childhood abuse, as well as hundreds of clinicians who have graduated from her Trauma ...more