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259 pages, Hardcover
First published June 13, 2017
“Earth,” Alexa finally said. “It’s not that great anyway.” And they all smiled sadly. Because, of course, she was being sarcastic. Of course, it was everything.
“I think that’s what you say when you can’t have something you want, isn’t it? You say you don’t want it in the first place.”
“Do you think I can change?” she finally asked.
Lily looked at her, curious and thoughtful. “Well,” she replied, “are you dead?”
They smiled at each other, a slow unfolding.
"The longer I live, " she looked up at the ceiling, "the more I think our big mistakes are not about having bad intentions, but just not paying attention. Just bumbling along, a little self-absorbed."
"Lily shrugged. "I think that's what you say when you can't have something you want, isn't it? You say you don't want it in the first place."
"Sadness is only something that's part of you. Grief becomes you; it wraps you up and changes you and makes everything - every little thing - different than it was before."
“Maybe now would be a good time for me to pre-apologize. I’m not really a get-to-know-each-other kind of a person. I’m not charming or anything. I’m, like, the opposite of that.”
“I wonder if sometimes you can miss something so much it breaks you, and still be happy you left.”
“I think all my life my heart’s been broken,” Adri whispered, “and I didn’t even notice. And I don’t even know by what.”
“I think that's what you say when you can't have something you want, isn't it? You say you don't want it in the first place.”
“I think the rest of the world is not as cold and lonely a place as you think. At least I have to hope.”
"Why do you think that is, that you love these people you don't know."
"Beth, I've made a discovery, and it's that grief isn't like sadness at all. Sadness is only something that's a part of you. Grief becomes you; it wraps you up and changes you and makes everything -- every little thing -- different than it was before."
I wonder if sometimes you can miss something so much it breaks you, and still be happy you left
Sadness is only something that's part of you. Grief becomes you; it wraps you up and changes you and makes everything - every little thing - different than it was before
I think the rest of the world is not as cold and lonely a place as you think. At least I have to hope
I don't care if there are cracks in us, we are still us. We don't have to be perfect to be right
"“Lily?”, she whispered. Lily didn’t move. “Can I tell you something?” Lilly breathed deeply, clearly asleep. “I think all my life my heart’s been broken,” Adri whispered, “and I didn’t even notice. And I don’t even know by what.”
It wasn't because of any one thing – not losing parents she didn’t remember, not growing up in the group home – not the obvious things. It felt more like it had just come from being born, from time existing."
"I know I'll never see England or China and never have Ellis and never be rich. So I want to hold that ball of lightning in my hands. I want my chance at living too, and this is as close as I can get."
"Ellis once told me that if they had a way of weighing people's souls along with their bodies I'd be 2 percent fat, 10 percent water, and 90 percent unattainable desires."
"I've made a discovery, and it's that grief isn't like sadness at all. Sadness is only something that's a part of you. Grief becomes you; it wraps you up and changes you and makes everything - every little thing - different than it was before."
"Her faith never changes, while mine does all the time - blinking out at times, flaring up at others. For the moment, I think maybe there is a God but a different one than she says. I think God might be the dust and the jackrabbits and the rain, that God might be Teddy and the bullet that killed him, the beautiful and exquisite moon and the terrible zeppelins, all spread out and everywhere. I've begun to think that maybe we are God's fingers rubbing against each other to see how it feels. Do you think that is a sacrilegious thought - that God might be everything and its opposite?"