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I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead
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I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead

4.22  ·  Rating details ·  2,310 ratings  ·  170 reviews
In Loving What Is, bestselling author Byron Katie introduced thousands of people to her simple and profound method of finding happiness through questioning the mind. Now, I Need Your LoveIs That True? examines a universal, age-old source of anxiety: our relationships with others. In this groundbreaking book, Katie helps you question everything you have been taught to do t ...more
Paperback, 288 pages
Published November 28th 2006 by Harmony (first published 2005)
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Oct 28, 2008 rated it liked it
I debated putting this book on my profile because I found the title a little embarrassing. But then I realized the irony of that thought. This book is about how you project what other people are thinking of you and how harmful that process is. So my embarrassment about reading this book had to do with fear that my GoodReads friends would think that I'm weak and clueless about relationships if I was caught reading such a book. So if I deny reading this book, I would have learned nothing from it. ...more
Jane Stewart
Dec 19, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
3 ½ stars. Some good ideas. Some are common sense but good reminders.

The difference between self-help books and therapy is that self-help books can raise your consciousness, but they do not apply specifically to you, your situation, and your history - the way therapy would.


1. Everyone wants approval and appreciation from others - even strangers. Everyone wants to be loved.

Example: a guy brings a magazine to a doctor’s office. He sets it on the table in the waiting room. W
Huma Rashid
Jun 02, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I very randomly stumbled on this book and expected it to be hokey and wishy washy and weird, especially with the first phrase in the title. Rather, it is one of the most helpful self-help books I've encountered, and as someone well versed in the genre, that's saying something.

The most valuable concept I picked up from this book was the word "unstuckness." The author explains that often, when we have a strong feeling about soemthing, we can't see any other possibility. The example given was that
Feb 17, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: health, non-fiction
I was in a bit of a funk this evening. A lot of a funk, actually. I got my first MA essay results back, and I wasn't happy with them. At all. And I blamed everyone else for how horrid I felt. And then I stumbled on this tucked away in the recesses of my Kindle: I read Loving What Is a while ago. I don't remember picking this up, but I do remember finding Byron Katie's work powerful and helpful, even if I didn't agree with it.

A lot of the issues I wasn't happy with in Loving What Is seem to be ad
Erica Chang
Sep 11, 2013 rated it it was amazing
This book came into my life like a healing angel when I just had a very heartbroken and confusing week with an ex-lover.

When it comes to love and romance, men and boys and being with them, I am completely hopelessly helpless; when I'm loved my world has singing butterflies, smiling unicorns dancing in rainbow colored cotton candies, there are hopes for tomorrow and a smile on my face all day; but when I feel neglected, my world's a dead place, I don't even have a world, or a life, or anything, I
Jan 16, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: self-help, 2011
This book helped me to recognize how my thoughts have affected every single relationship I have...even the one I have with myself. I discovered I am the one who has control over how the world sees me. And really what the world thinks really doesn't matter. All this time I have projected my own thoughts of self doubt, thoughts of not being good enough, or smart enough, or liked enough, or loved the right way, or whatever the thought was...I have projected my thoughts onto what I thought others th ...more
Jan 05, 2010 rated it really liked it
It's true - Byron Katie is some kind of genius. The four questions she has you ask yourself about ANY thought are simple and straightforward, yet they totally get to the heart of the matter, pretty much right away. But after the questions, it's the "turnaround" that really can change your viewpoint, perspective, understanding, entire way you think about your situation and your "story."

In short, when you have a thought that makes you suffer in some way, say, "My husband should apologize for igno
Jun 08, 2016 rated it liked it
I don't really know what to make of this book, so I went with 3 stars.

On the one hand I understand some of the things she is saying, such as it is impossible to change someone, and that rather than being angry and hateful, you can move on rather than staying in the relationship being in pain and bitter all the time.

That said her concept of 'staying in your business ' and we cause our own suffering no matter the words or actions of others, are a lot harder for me to swallow. She used an example o
Feb 22, 2016 rated it really liked it
This is a great book, but it definitely needs to be read after "Loving What Is". It is, in a way, a reminder of how "The Work" works, but it goes more in depth with personal relationships. I don't know that I could ever react in a calm, collected, non-sarcastic way when dealing with some of the scenarios presented in this book, but I suppose that Katie is offering the ideal to work toward. My favorite concept in this book is to try to focus on what behaviors we do to gain approval or love from o ...more
Apr 09, 2009 rated it it was amazing
UM, OK Byron Katie is a genius. She's done what so many have failed to do, which is to elucidate a clear pathway from unhappiness to happiness with a few easy questions. This book is an expansion on her previous work, "Loving What IS"...which is the closest thing to a bible for me really. I've never heard more clearly the logical reasoning behind life's greatest emotional dissapointments, struggles, and fears...and I don't think I can do it justice to summarize any part. Therefore, I recommend e ...more
It has been a couple of weeks since I finished this book, and like many others, it has CHANGED MY LIFE!!! (I've said the same thing about other books before, but isn't it wonderful there are so many life-changing books out there?!) I have been ridiculously happy ever since! (and yes, there have been a couple of tests!) I'm starting to wonder if it's even possible for my heart to have any more love and joy than it already has! I wholeheartedly believe that if more people did The Work, and questio ...more
Dayle Denney
Mar 26, 2017 rated it it was ok
It's not that this is a terrible book. It's just that it might be terrible for some. The problem with Byron Katie's method of inquiry (which she has called "The Work") is that she believes it to be a panacea. Surely it can be effective for some, perhaps even many (though there is no data to indicate just how many). But it can potentially venture into victim blaming territory, and becomes absolutely cringe-worthy when she discusses it being used with victims of trauma and even abuse. Read this on ...more
Natasha Holme
Apr 24, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: inspirational, advice
So, the things that you most want to hide from people are the things that you most want to tell people.
May 31, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Really powerful book. This book and Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life really have changed my life. That one, I devoured in a few days. This one, I lingered over, got stuck in, reread parts of, jumped around, and generally took as a long journey. I probably spent three months just procrastinating the Apology Letter exercise. But I guess I finally did it exactly when I needed to. :)

I used to be very concerned about other people's approval, thinking I desperately needed their
Kaspars Verdens
Mar 04, 2020 rated it it was amazing
One of the good mind-changing books.

Stay in your own business and be happy :)
Katy Hansen
Oct 28, 2015 rated it really liked it
Love the 4 questions. Only thing I can't quite grasp is that it SEEMS like if you follow the 4 questions, there is no reason to leave a relationship. Maybe I am just confused in my current relationship, but what I don't get, and she doesn't seem to address this, is trying to figure out what is best for you. I plan on reading some other relationship/self-help books by other authors to address that. I totally get that everything that happens to us, happens to help us grow in some way. I love that, ...more
Jul 30, 2012 rated it really liked it
This book isn't a book you sit through read and then toss away. You should always have it in your pocket, somewhere handy and most importantly in your head. I didn't read the entirety of the book because once you understand the concept you feel so ridiculous that you continued thinking you need approval from everyone! If you want a healthy relationship, don't go looking for books about how to get your ex boyfriend, your coworker or your friend to love you again, get this book! You are the only ...more
Nov 30, 2008 rated it liked it
Shelves: women, self-help
Well, this was my first exposure to Byron Katie. It wasn't a bad book but it was a new thought process to me, and I didn't really absorb the book the way I should. I might read it again, after the initial concepts sink in. Basically, her process is to question everything, every thought. And I find that can be a very valuable strategy. You think a thought and, as a bystander, ask - is that true? You question its truth and turn it around a few different ways, and very often, it loses its power. I ...more
Veronica F.
Dec 30, 2018 rated it it was ok
Shelves: abandoned
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Elizabeth De Marco
Apr 28, 2013 rated it it was ok
I do find it commonsense to not seek approval from others which is a good refresher. when she started getting into the scenarios,I got very confused and didn't agree with her method--I felt she was parsing and picking on semantics which frustrated me. And yes, there are other ways to look at people's behavior and see a larger picture, but I couldn't help feeling she was dismissive of people's point of views completely. I was left confusing feeling like the book should be called, 'lowered expecta ...more
Dec 28, 2009 rated it it was amazing
For those of us conditioned to base our self-worth on approval or love from others, this book does a fantastic job of showing how the desire for approval actually reflects a desire for us to be more accepting of ourselves. Katie provides many examples and strategies for getting out of our own way when it comes to leading happy, healthy lives and relationships.
Apr 21, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A fine refresher for us Loving What Is fans. Conversational, illustrative, clear. This is the thinking I want as part of my bedrock. My only wish is for some context: how is this related to Taoism (Linda says it is)? How do these concepts compare to other psychological approaches? (What would Jung say? etc.)
Bethwyn Badger
Apr 13, 2012 rated it really liked it
Let me just state - I read what would be classified as 'self-help' books. And I don't have a problem with that.
This one was very interesting, and certainly teaches a lot about taking a step back and questioning thoughts that arise. I enjoyed reading it and now employ some of its tactics in my day-to-day life. :)
Feb 23, 2014 rated it it was ok
Ummmm read it I couldn't connect with it at all. At first I wondered if there was something wrong with me, but now I just think her approach is not as compassionate as I need. And I gave up on it because I couldn't follow her ...

But at times this book offers good guidance and helps on how to answer difficult, challenging questions with tact while maintaining your personal boundaries.!!

Oct 10, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Reading this book is a great experience. It felt like an internal revolution - it questions my thoughts and beliefs associated with being in love. It's painful though to "really question" my thoughts and beliefs and to clearly see the truth, the source of pain and problems. But it set my heart free. Now I feel more happiness and freedom. Thank you, Katie, for this wonderful experience.
Mar 05, 2009 rated it it was amazing
This woman is totally mind-blowing. I have read this book multiple times - when I need a reminder that I am responsible for my suffering. But only all of it. :)
Apr 06, 2009 rated it really liked it
we are a lot stronger than we think, sometimes we seek the ok from others, but the answer lies within us the entire time.
D Rob
Mar 20, 2017 rated it did not like it
this woman is psychotic. her advice is dangerous, and this should come with a warning that the advice is only applicable to people who are highly self-aware to start with.
Joseph Young
Starts off ok, then descends into oversimplifications and possible idiocy. They had great casting of the loser male and sad female voices.

This focuses on people who are excessively people pleasers, but can apply to most in general, teaching people to release these excuses for their behaviour or their framing of problems. It felt somewhat Adlerian in scope. However, it seemed to take these ideas to an unhealthy extreme. Some examples:
If a woman's husband is sleeping around, is it really only his
Mar 01, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is a difficult book to read, understand, and fully embrace. And, if you've chose to read it, you might be in a difficult place yourself. Katie's insights into how the truths we tell ourselves are simply false helped me change the way I think about my relationships and my life. There is no situation in life that can't be addressed and better understood by using Katie's probing questions, beginning with "Is it true?" Sometimes I felt like I couldn't synthesise her theories into a place to beg ...more
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Byron Katie's turnarounds 2 29 Jan 14, 2013 12:29PM  

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Byron Kathleen Mitchell, better known as Byron Katie, is an American speaker, writer, and founder of a method of self-inquiry called The Work of Byron Katie or simply The Work.

Katie became severely depressed in her early thirties. She was a businesswoman and mother who lived in Barstow, a small town in the high desert of southern California. For nearly a decade she spiraled down into paranoia, rag

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Did you set an extremely ambitious Reading Challenge goal back in January? And has this, uh, unprecedented year gotten completely in the way of...
10 likes · 3 comments
“Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person. No one outside me can hurt me. That's not a possibility. It's only when I believe a stressful thought that I get hurt. And I'm the one who's hurting me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means that I don't have to get someone else to stop hurting me. I'm the one who can stop hurting me. It's within my power.

What we are doing with inquiry is meeting our thoughts with some simple understanding, finally. Pain, anger, and frustration will let us know when it's time to inquire. We either believe what we think or we question it: there's no other choice. Questioning our thoughts is the kinder way. Inquiry always leaves us as more loving human beings.”
“Thinking that people are supposed to do or be anything other than what they are is like saying that the tree over there should be the sky. I investigated that and found freedom.” 8 likes
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