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Would You Rather? A Memoir of Growing Up and Coming Out
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Would You Rather? A Memoir of Growing Up and Coming Out

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3.82  ·  Rating details ·  1,324 ratings  ·  215 reviews
A collection of poignant, relatable essays from the author of Never Have I Ever about coming out in her late twenties, entering into her first relationship, and figuring out what it means to be an adult.

When Katie Heaney published her first book of essays chronicling her singledom up to age 25, she was still waiting to meet the right guy. Three years later, a lot changed.
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Paperback, 235 pages
Published March 6th 2018 by Ballantine Books
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Jessica
I received this book for free through LibraryThing’s Early Reviewers.

It wasn’t until I actually read the blurb on the back that I realized that this was written by the girl who wrote Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date. I had really wanted to read that book and even marked it as such on Goodreads, but I never did get around to reading it. I’m glad that I was able to read this book because it does touch upon some of the themes that Never Had I Ever covered.

So basically, I loved thi
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Heather K (dentist in my spare time)
I'd never heard of Katie Heaney before I decided to pick up Would You Rather : A Memoir of Growing Up and Coming Out, but the blurb was too interesting for me to pass up.

Sexuality in general intrigues me, especially the personal exploration of sexuality. I'm always interested in someone's sexuality discovery story (in romance as well as non-fiction), and stories where people realize they are bisexual/pansexual or gay later in life always catch my attention.

Katie Heaney was in her late 20s when
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Tori
May 02, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: read-2018
I sat on my review of this book for half a week, because I was so emotional after I finished reading it.

Katie Heaney and I have a lot in common. I've had a boyfriend--but ten years ago. Since then, I've had little to no interest in dating, despite feeling like I should. Her talk with her therapist about how most people don't feel dread when it comes to dating was illuminating to say the least. While I don't identify as a lesbian, I didn't realise I was bisexual until late in my twenties, so see
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Krista Regester
Jan 15, 2019 rated it really liked it
Something about Katie Heaney is remarkably relatable, and I think you will find that whether you consider yourself gay or not. But don’t get me wrong: I couldn’t be gayer. ;)
Lea (drumsofautumn)
I have never in my life related to anything as much as this. I don't think I'll ever find words to describe what listening to this memoir meant to me. A lot of the essays actually freaked me out because that experience could've been written about me. EXACTLY like that.
I can already feel this having a huge impact on me and I finished it just a couple of minutes ago. I'm incredibly grateful this book somehow found its way into my life.
Julie Ehlers
My bad! How many times have I said I was going to start avoiding current memoirs? Yet, this caught my eye at the bookstore, I read a few pages that seemed good, and I brought it up to the register for reasons that my self of 9 days ago may have been able to explain, but my self of today cannot. Would You Rather? was frustrating in the sense that every now and again there would be an interesting passage that would keep me reading, hoping for more of the same, but in the end there were so many thi ...more
Chantel (BW Reviews)
This review and others can be found at BW Book Reviews.

I received this ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. This has no influence on my rating.

Would You Rather: A Memoir of Growing Up and Coming Out will be released on March 6th, 2018.


4/5 – This year, I wanted to read a non-fiction book by a queer author about being queer. This spoke out to me when I saw it on Netgalley because it was exactly what I was looking for. What I didn’t expect was to relate so strongly with the author’
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Chiara
Nov 03, 2017 rated it it was amazing
A REALLY excellent follow-up to 2014's "Never Have I Ever." It was fascinating to read about Katie's journey of self-discovery and (sorry to use this annoying phrase) self-actualization. Funny, perceptive, and well-written -- I honestly tore through this one.
l.
It’s comforting to know there are more women out there who assumed they were straight, didn’t date men but never wondered why, and then realized one day, hey I’m actually a lesbian.

I didn’t think too much of the book though tbh.
Jess
I came home this afternoon and got my mail, excited because my ISBN Thinking of You shirt had arrived. But my excitement for that was curtailed when I saw a package from Penguin Random House just beneath it. What could it be this time, I wondered? Sometimes they sent things that caught my interest; other times, not so much. I hadn't heard of this book, or the author's previous memoir when I opened the box, but reading the back blurb immediately caught my interest. With no further ado, I sat down ...more
Samira Parsa
Mar 15, 2018 rated it it was ok
Shelves: non-fiction
I received a free copy of this book from a Goodreads giveaway for an honest review.

This book was.....okay, I guess. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't good either. I feel like the title was a bit misleading: "Growing Up and Coming Out" is actually more of "Coming Out and Spending Most of the Book Talking about Details of My Life and Opinions."

I tried, I really, did, and I'm sorry, but I just don't care about this girl's life. It's great that she's using a platform to talk about coming out and nav
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Laura
This book arrived Tuesday afternoon and I couldn't stop reading it until I finished it Thursday morning. It's the kind of book I'd bring into the kitchen with me so I didn't miss out on reading during the 8 min my pasta was cooking.

I loved so many things about this book. It's soooo relatable. Even though parts of my story are different, I found myself nodding along so much. I loved hearing about Katie's love story with Lydia, and I especially love that it's not sugar-coated or cliched. She gets
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ND
Apr 24, 2018 rated it it was ok
Really more like 1.5. I wanted to like this book, and now feel like I was suckered by the LGBT table at The Strand. Shame on you, Strand employees! The author is insipid, narcissistic and just plain young, and that's fine, but I think/imagine/hope that if I had written a memoir about coming out at 28, an experience we happen to share, I would have made it much more interesting to read, particularly for "grownups." Or at least would have had the sense to hide a lot of the drivel and nonsense. Thi ...more
Sonja
Mar 06, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I genuinely loved this SO MUCH. I could relate to a great number of things in Katie's story, and I laughed out loud a lot, particularly during the sections about Harry Styles (which, again, I related to very much, haha). I enjoyed this more than Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date, probably because the themes in this appealed to me more, but I also felt that Katie's voice in this was more... grown up? It felt like she has a lot more internal security now, and that was comforting t ...more
Carina
Mar 07, 2018 rated it really liked it
"Would You Rather?" is Katie Heaney's second memoir. Yes, at the ripe ol' age of 30 she has already written two of them! I have not read her first book ("Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date") and you don't need to either, at least not in order to relate to and understand the new book. In the first book, and as the title implies, Heaney discusses her life until 25 and the singleness that has been its constant. She refers back to the first memoir a lot in "Would You Rather?" but nev ...more
Danielle Booey
May 06, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: nonfiction
Buzzfeed profiled this book a couple of months ago and had a sample of the book to read in the article. I was immediately charmed by the author’s voice and the similarities to my life.

I’ve never met anyone else in my real life who came out in their late 20’s or took so long to figure out they were gay. I will, however, blame that on a heteronormative upbringing and call it good. Either way it is fun to see yourself reflected in what you read, especially when it happens with such infrequency.

So
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Kara
Jan 18, 2019 rated it really liked it
I really, really loved this. Listened to the audiobook which was read by the author (which is my favorite way to read a memoir, I think). I had heard of Katie's first book, in which she talks about being 25 and having never been in a relationship (me). This book is about her figuring out she's gay and coming out (not me). Still, her story is so easy to relate to, even as a straight woman. She just tells her story in a way that is honest and real and funny.
Paige
Mar 07, 2018 rated it liked it
I won a copy of this book from a goodreads giveaway, in exchange for an honest review.

Some spoilers

I originally signed up for the giveaway because I don't often get to read books (fiction or non-fiction) with LGBTQ themes. As part of the LGBTQ community, it's nice to see more representation, and someone willing to share their story. I didn't read Katie Heaney's first memoir, but that's okay, I think this one is more relevant to me.

The first half of this book really resonated with me. I was abl
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Stephanie
Jul 13, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I first "met" Katie Heaney as a dorky, single college student as I poured through her memoir about being a dorky, single college student trying to find love in this crazy world. I completely related to Katie in Never Have I Ever as she guided readers through the current (read: crazy) dating world. From that point on, I became a hard core Katie Heaney fan. I followed her on social media as she moved to New York City to live her bad ass life.

I was there when Katie came out to her fans and follower
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Anna (Bananas)
Oct 11, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: f-f, lgbtqia, memoir
It was refreshing to run across a book that I could relate to so much. The author is a lifelong straight girl who now identifies as gay. (The lgbt factor alone is welcome in a memoir.) As a lifelong bi person who has realized I’m more attracted to women, I understood that feeling, that relief at finally figuring yourself out. And your romantic history suddenly makes so much sense in retrospect.

She talks about claiming a label and not being sure it’s accurate for her or that she’s earned it yet.
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Kate
Thanks Netgalley for the ARC.

I loved the other two books I've read by Katie Heaney (NEVER HAVE I EVER and the novel PUBLIC RELATIONS), and I loved this, too. Like her first book, in this one Katie is a very relatable writer, but part of that may be because we're the same age and grew up in similar environments (the midwest). I feel like this book could be written by my best friend, because it's conversational and real, and I love that. Like, if I lived in NYC, I'd totally want to hang out with h
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Jennifer
Mar 16, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Love, love, love, love, love this book. I listened to the Audio but want to buy the print too.
Tony Snyder
Mar 11, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Extremely relatable and Katie is like a best friend you can't help but root for. Also, if you haven't read her novel "Public Relations", every music groupie is in for a treat!
Kristin-Leigh
May 06, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2018-reads
Every once in a while a book crosses my path at the perfect moment, in a sort of unintentional serendipity - this was one of those books!

Heaney spends a lot of words lamenting that her story is probably unfortunately unique but I related all too well, as another woman who fell prey to compulsory heterosexuality and didn't come out until her late 20s. I think she will learn as a consequence of publication just how often this happens and how valuable and relatable her take is.

She's far more eloq
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Alex (Pucksandpaperbacks)
I really enjoyed this! Having read Never Have I Ever, I was curious to see the sequel to Katie's single-life and love-life. I especially enjoyed this because she talks about being boy crazy and then realizing later in life that she's actually queer. This is a topic that is rarely ever discussed and I LOVED IT.
Tatiana
Dec 18, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I really liked her first book and loved this one too.

Definitely recommend!
Melissa
Mar 19, 2018 rated it really liked it
4.5!
Katie’s memoirs have basically been a saga, and I’ve truly enjoyed the whole journey. She’s hilarious and relatable, and honestly we should all be so forthright with how little we actually know about the world and ourselves. Katie’s officially been inducted into my book lady squad. She knows wassup
Elle
Heartwarming and fast read. I really felt for Katie and also laughed with her, and a little bit at her, but all in good fun. Queer women are powerful and amazing. Welcome! <3 ...more
Anna
May 06, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I'm probably biased when it comes to supporting other queer women, but I enjoyed this a lot and grateful that Katie shared her story.
Hannah
Mar 16, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2018
When I picked up "Public Relations" I was confused that Katie was thanking a girl in the acknowledgements. So I did what any millennial would do and I stalked her on social media. Then I found out that she had this book coming out about her coming out and everything made a lot more sense. Reading Katie's writing makes you feel like you're her best friend and she's confiding in you (which is probably why I'm calling her Katie instead of her full name). Highly enjoyed this.
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Katie Heaney is the author of Public Relations, Dear Emma, and Never Have I Ever, as well as the forthcoming memoir Would You Rather? (Penguin Random House, February 2018). Her writing has also appeared in New York magazine online, Cosmopolitan, The Atlantic, Racked, and The Hairpin, among other places. She lives in Brooklyn.

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